suicide-sauce - Tumblr blog

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I said, “I know I can be too much.” they said, “you’ll never be too much, I promise.” when they left, it was “you have too many bad days. you didn’t trust anyone but me. it was too much.”

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‪I am a:‬

‪⚪️man‬

��⚪️woman‬

‪🔘 entity beyond your comprehension‬

‪ ‬

‪Seeking:‬

‪⚪️men‬

‪⚪️women‬

‪🔘 the ability to remove sentience ‬

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duolingo: kys

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This lipstick has way too much orange in it for my tastes, but oh well.

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It’s almost as if nobody wants to admit that they might not be prepared to do the work it takes to love somebody. And it can be laborious. To be intimate with someone who is flawed (which is the standard) requires us to expose our own flaws. We don’t talk about the heavy responsibility of that. We don’t talk about how we’re too lazy or too cowardly sometimes. We instead accuse love of being elusive. It isn’t. It is omnipresent. It asks us to be better people. And sometimes we flat out refuse.

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Invisible Identity Stickers from DesignsAndDragons

When you identify in a way that isn’t lesbian, gay, or binary transgender, it often feels like you’re invisible. Show some pride and educate others with these stickers! 

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Ha.

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I think if I fell down and vomited out all of my organs and blood was pouring out of my eyes and ears it still wouldn’t accurately depict how much I’m hurting right now.

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Dad: is this place near Wal-Mart?

Dad: *shows me a grainy, out of focus cryptid picture of a nondescript building with cars in front*

Me: ...... I....? Don't know.....???

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It occurs to me that if I’m dreading going to a psychiatrist appointment because my psychiatrist acts like she hates everything about me then maybe I should get a new psychiatrist

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Something I just remembered:

Dad mentioned that today is D-Day. My mom's husband's dad, Grandpa Bull, was on the beaches at Normandy. Which is pretty cool, but this story is about something else.

When I was fifteen we went to Long Island where the grandparents lived to stay there for about a week. GBull was a pretty nice guy, especially to me since I was a girlchild and it was his first time meeting me. One night he brought home ice cream for dessert, sweet! My mom is there at the table talking to Grandma Bull and Grandpa Bull asks me what my favorite ice cream is.

"Um, Rocky Road," I said.

GBull says, "Oh! I didn't get any rocky road, but I'll go back to the store for some!"

Out of the corner of my eye I see my mom look up.

I scrambled for damage control: "Uh-- no, no, it's okay, I like any kind of ice cream and it was really nice for you to go out and get it--"

"But I don't want you to feel left out, I'll just whip back to the store," said GBull, unaware of just how much danger he had just put me in.

Through MUCH protesting and assurances that I would rather saw off my own arm then see him go back to the store on my account, GBull finally relented. I practically oozed through the floor, I was so relieved. Because if I had allowed him to go to the store for me, regardless of whose idea it was, I would have been "selfish" and "manipulative" and mom would have found a way to punish me for it. As it was she'd flown me out to NY and I was on thin ice because she was showing off to the in-laws and if I made one single misstep she'd turn on me in a heartbeat. The Bulls, being an Italian family who'd been in NY for like a century, were very confused as to why I wouldn't let anyone do anything for me ever.

All the signs were there. But if you can't see anything but the swamp, you assume the swamp is all there is.

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Dad: If the French were smart they'd be able to speak English.

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*watching the trailer for a movie that to me looks like a trite and obvious cash grab, taking the same formula and repainting it to get asses in seats* Sabra: that looks good! Dad: Yeah it does. Me: I wish I weren’t an Eeyore.

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We went to the mall yesterday to see Deadpool in the theatre. While we were there I picked up a little Kingdom Hearts blind box in a "buy two get one free" display at a store (along with some rick and morty stuff).

"Which one are you hoping for?" The cashier asked.

"I don't know. I guess Repliku because he's neat looking but I'll probably get something lame," I said.

She smiled at me.

I think that woman was a witch.