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Yoshiki & ‘Hikaru’ as textposts <3

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first & last love

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They look a little gay

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the summer satoru died

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Young Orpheus

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the you-shaped hole in me

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A completely normal and entirely human country boy

(Slight detour because I just read The Summer Hikaru Died finally)

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i miss you everyday

[ID: Art of Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang in their bedroom. Cheng Xiaoshi is sleeping in the bottom bunk, while Lu Guang is sitting on the floor, arm on the bed with his head resting on it. He’s loosely holding onto Cheng Xiaoshi’s wrist as he watches him sleep. There’s a close-up of Lu Guang’s half-hidden face and another of their hands, where Lu Guang’s finger is on Cheng Xiaoshi’s pulse point. END ID]

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what strikes me about the summer hikaru died (besides the layered metaphors for queerness and grief) is that the horror of the show doesn’t end at the literal monsters and spirits lurking in the mountain—the horror is everywhere and all the more potent when the situation is something mundane. the scene in the grocery store with the lady is one of the most unsettling bits so far, and this is a show where a character’s arm goes through his dead best friend’s body now possessed by a monster trying to be human and where a woman dies by choking on her own hand... like, the bar is high and yet, one gossiping lady brings a sense of unease and sheer discomfort for yoshiki that rivals his worst nightmares. the horror of being intruded upon, being talked about, being known by everyone in your small town—it can feel so much worse than other, more in-your-face problems. for a teen boy grappling with intense grief, longing, regrets, internalised homophobia (or atleast, repression of his sexuality), the idea of being perceived and judged is shown as a downright overstimulating experience. and i think, that says alot.

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demolition lovers

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tshd is so blatantly about being a repressed gay kid to me. even two episodes in it feels really strongly like hikaru being Different (TM) is like, obviously diegetic, it’s obviously actually happening, but it’s such a strong metaphor for yoshiki realizing his feelings in a deeply homophobic society and having to come to grips with how this will change his whole life forever. people constantly warn him to stay away from hikaru, hikaru is really possessive, there’s the whole “you won’t tell anyone” thing going on, it’s primarily older townsfolk who are suspicious of hikaru… the whole nine yards.

i think, if you were to take the supernatural elements out, you could easily see this as the story of a boy who realized his feelings for another boy, and because of internalized homophobia, he starts to view that boy as something monstrous. but because it’s something monstrous about himself, he draws in closer to hikaru anyway.

and i’m sure this is a popular interpretation i’m guessing…? but again i’m only two episodes in to the anime rn (as has been released thus far) and i’ve heard here and there from anitubers and such that the manga gets really intense so. we shall see if my thoughts change!

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"YANG."

Interdependent. Interwoven. Eternal.

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"YIN."

More TSHD fanart!! Currently dealing with artblock rn ☹️ but this show makes me really hyped. "Yang" is coming soon ;)

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Yoshiki calling 'Hikaru' creep in the context of how conservative their village is is not an accident by the way. And 'Hikaru''s meltdown starting because of that word is not accident either even as he doesn't understand the social conventions the word 'creep' being the one that sets him off is so poignant.

chewing on glass eating gravel thank you Mokumokuren I say every waking day

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I know this isn't the authorial intent of Summer Hikaru Died, but this is just one of the ways I've interpreted it and related to it

Through the lens of someone finally being unchained from depression, but not through Yoshiki. Through Hikaru

The way 'Hikaru' experiences the world for the first time, even with having memories of a lifetime of living. That's something I relate to heavily after having been able to stabilize my mental health more, getting into therapy, getting a good support system. It feels like you're finally experiencing the world you always knew about. And there's a distinct experience of feeling alone when you've struggled with depression your whole life, that when you're not alone anymore, everything else starts to slip into place. But there's still that fear, what if they leave. And then I'm alone again. But you push, and you keep living, really living.

You know what something tastes like, but then you taste it again. And this time, it feels real. This time, it gives you a surge of joy that looks out of place to anyone else. You watch that movie you've seen half a dozen times, and this time you do cry. You feel everything so strongly, and it feels like living. And you think to yourself, "this is what life is like for other people. This is what living is. Life is good." Hearing a song that you've heard a thousand times but now, it's different. You really hear the words now.

Obviously that history of just floating through life doesn't go away. The depression doesn't just go away, that darkness inside of you, that monster. Feeling like a robot, numb and going through the motions just to stay alive, questioning if you want to. But you also learn to accept it, because life is worth living regardless.

I'm excited to see how the rest of the anime goes but, that was something that stuck out to me.

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I'm so normal about them

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pride month is never over pt. 3 i guess