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sun-y · 6 months ago

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Your fan, Seonghwa (part 2, series finale)

(part 1) (your fan ml)

🛸 pairing: seonghwa x nerdfluencer & physicist!reader 🛸 genre: romance, fluff, mutual pining 🛸 summary: a bulletpoint-style wordstream of what it would be like if seonghwa was stanning you 🛸 wordcount: 6.0k 🛸 warnings/tags: language, noraebang chaos, mc knows too much, seonghwa is a star, IT ALL COMES TOGETHER, crossover hours, is it christmas again? 🛸 taglist: @doom-fics @layzfeelit @acciocriativity @izuijin @justhere4kpop @honey-lemon-goose @i-luvsang @jcngh0-hq @black--awsum @jackinmyarea 🛸 a/n: HI! THIS IS THE END (hold your breath and count to 10) oh my word... I am so unbelievably grateful for all of you, for your love and support, for inspiring and for believing. Without you, none of this would have happened. Much love, and biggest hugs, and stay tuned for more to come in the future!!

You needed to act quick if you were going to solve anything. Time was against you, considering that in a month’s time ATEEZ were going to be going on tour, and you needed to write another chapter of your thesis that discussed experimental set up and some predictive modelling.

As you watched your computer crash yet another time, deleting the data that you had implemented into the physics simulator engine, you decided to give up for the evening and figure out how to get your plan, your life experiment, running.

Your thoughts had drifted to trying to immerse yourself in Seonghwa’s world. You were clueless when it came to music, and aside from listening, did not do much else. But what you were always ready for, was others’ enthusiasm, You wanted to see that glint in Seonghwa’s eyes return to him, you wanted him to be himself and to be proud of what he had achieved.

You were no stranger to creative ruts, to self-doubt and trying to pretend to be someone you were not. It was almost a rite of passage in STEM, and you could only imagine how intense it could be in the creative and liberal arts. In that state, one tries to remove themselves from what they can actually do, steps away from that they have overcome and believe that the work of others is something they need to measure themselves against.

This was what you had observed in Seonghwa, and this was disconcerting. Of course, you appreciated the fact that every time you called, and met, he could impress you with his newly acquired knowledge in your subject… but at the end of the day… it was something you already knew. It was something that was second nature to you, and removed his own beauty from the conversation. You stared liking Seonghwa not because he was an astrophysics enthusiast (especially since when he tried to be, it was evident that it was giving him unnecessary amount of stress), but because he was himself. That adorable nerd sitting in front of a camera having the time of his life assembling Lego. That more than cute man who was over the moon when you were raving with him about the lightsaber he had as part of his collection. The wonderful, brilliant, Seonghwa who had so much to share with you, so much to teach you, but instead was hiding his genius away. The last thing you ever wanted to do was to change him, so for the sake of humanity and the universe not exploding, it was time to act.

After a quick ideation session, your intentions and your plan was clear – but, you needed to go to a more public space for it, and every fibre of your being was screaming THIS IS A RISK. But a risk you were willing to take, and were ready to go through every mitigation strategy in the risk assessment framework that you had drawn up on eight post-its you had stuck side by side on your desk. Though, prior to doing any of that, being the certified adult and professional researcher you were, you needed permission for this to go ahead. You had already heard from Seonghwa about the number of times that his members had caused unnecessary chaos, and you were not about to join the ‘horsemen of the ateezpocalypse’ ranks. You needed to call the captain.

You were lucky that most of your friends had an equally strange schedule that made one question what time zone they actually lived in, so your close bestie who owned ‘dream-ity’ and had the patience of a saint to be able to handle none other than Jung Wooyoung, had sent over Hongjoong’s number at lightning speed, though not without trying to figure out why exactly you needed it. She already knew that you were ‘seeing’ Seonghwa, but none of the details. Neither you, nor the eldest member, apparently, were cracking about anything more ‘tea-esque’ that was going on between you.

She did initially offer to send you her boyfriend’s number but considering that Seonghwa had explicitly stated that that certain someone was the equivalent of his personal sleep paralysis demon and the real reason why his hair for the comeback was stark white (“it is not dye nor bleach, it is Marie Antoinette syndrome”), you politely refused, insisting to ‘go see the captain’, channelling your inner Karen.

Seemed that Hongjoong was also an interesting character who was able to respond to you in thirty seconds, at four in the morning. At least your friend had an early opening shift and needed to travel, this man was just night owling like you. Little did you know that this was the case because Hongjoong already had your number after ‘lovingly’ interrogating Seonghwa after your first meeting.

You had opened up the conversation by introducing yourself, stating your interests, and apologising for the disturbance. You had also inquired whether it would be possible to set up either a meeting or a call with Hongjoong, to discuss the details of your proposition, seeing as you needed approval and it may be easier to explain verbally. Hongjoong was pretty straightforward in his response:

<hongble telescope> call in 2 min?

<you> yes please thank you!

And in exactly two minutes, you were ‘face to face’ with none other than the captain of ATEEZ, who appeared to be located in his studio, hunched over just a little and in dim lighting. To be frank, you were not any better – you were still in your office, illuminated just by a couple of desk lamps, and were also gremlin-like in your posture. It was odd how, in some senses you two were alike.

“So, how is the woman who is making Seonghwa turn into a physics student?” Hongjoong joked, though it did not make you cheer up one bit. You felt a pang of guilt in your heart, and decided to launch straight in.

“About that. I have been quite concerned about Seonghwa recently.”

“In relation to physics?”

“Yes.”

Hongjoong ran a hand through his hair and looked off into the distance momentarily.

“Well, he has been kind of… out of it lately. I mean, when it comes to stages and stuff he is chill, because you know, professional and music is his passion and all that, but in the dorms, you are right he is a lot more isolated.”

“Yes, well, I am to blame for that, and I want to fix it.”

“Since when are you to blame? If anything, it is his choice so he should like… wake up.”

“Well, it is hard to kick away something that someone wants to do subconsciously, and I do not want to come across as the centre of the universe by no means, but when a person does something to try and impress you, you cannot help but feel responsible.”

“You know what, I like your approach. That’s admirable. Okay, then, go on. I am interested to hear what you are thinking.”

“Well, I want to prove to Seonghwa that he does not need to pretend to be someone who he is not. I really could not care less whether he knows anything about my line of work or not, what I want is for him to be happy.”

“You are just green flagging your way into my grumpy old man heart.”

“How are you old, Hongjoong? You are just caring-”

“Okay Y/N you are just going through a check list of how to make Hongjoong happy at this point.” He grinned and exclaimed, intertwining his fingers and leaning back in the spinning chair.

“Well, hah, I guess it is easier to do when you mean it. So, well, my point here is that… I need to take him to this one location that is a little bit more public, but I can assure you I will do everything within my power to make it safe.”

“Hold on, hold on, do you need to do that?”

“It is critical. There needs to be a little bit of a shock to the system but it is only beneficial.”

“Okay, now I am not so approving. How do I even know I can trust you? Being nice is one thing, being reliable and trustworthy is a whole other area. What is the deal? What do you know, or what can you do to prove that it will be okay?”

Frankly, Hongjoong was already pretty confident in the fact that he would be able to entrust Seonghwa to you – the eldest member’s heart was already in your hands, so what was the problem with just letting you two go for it? Hongjoong wondered whether he was being stopped by his frazzled nerves, which had been put through challenge after challenge with each of the members – even himself¸ in this chaotic journey to find and fight for love. But he needed to act in the role of responsible leader, so back to listening to you. How were you doing to impress him?

You needed to think fast. Here, every word mattered. Expressing your affection and concern was easy enough, since it was at the forefront of your mind, but here you had some six dimensional chess to play, and your opponent was a master – taking one look at the ATEEZ lore was enough, and how it was going to play out was going to be quite impressive…

Oh.

That was right.

You knew the secret of the lore.

That’s it.

You thanked your ability to hyperfixate for helping you go over all the diaries, the interviews and the albums and mvs and shorts that were linked to the story of ATEEZ. You were no stranger to extensive lore and saga-like evolution. You were a Star Wars fan, for goodness’ sake. On top of that, why had you studied the theory of relativity and quantum physics if you were never going to use it for the most abstract and obscure reasons? You felt as though you had just gathered all the infinity stones together and were about to snap an infinity glove. You looked straight into the camera with a soft smile gracing your lips, and began.

“Well, I am not sure about physical proof, but in terms of theoretical knowledge and carrying on the story of ATEEZ, I could talk you though a couple of my ideas that may or may not serve as proof for my understanding of the depth of your group, the importance of paying attention to the details, and future-forward ideation.”

Hongjoong did not look particularly impressed, since he had listened to enough ATINY explain to him some outrageous interpretations of the lore, that were anything but correct. But he was intrigued enough to motion to you to go on. And that, was when he had signed up for the shock of a lifetime.

You launched into a monologue that first, briefly summarised the relationship between every era, every little diversion and even the selection of concepts for stages. You were showcasing that really, to you, it had been simple all along, and you had been merely enjoying how they were executing what was already out in the open. When you transitioned smoothly into expressing your musings on future releases and the avenue down which the story will go, Hongjoong was dead quiet, and even stopped rocking in his chair. His jaw began to drop as you revealed a specific detail that was meant to be a plot twist – he had envisioned ATINY’s reaction so many times, and had been keeping this a secret even from his members, and here you were, saying it right back to him. Just who were you?

He was equal parts impressed and terrified, since you were a walking computer of ATEEZ knowledge. You could basically compromise the entirety of KQ with the amount of information you held. There was no choice now, it was not even a matter of trust – it was basically essential that you joined them at least for the sake of being silenced. He recalled how he had said to Seonghwa that he expected you would know at least a bit of the lore to a high level – well, he had never expected you to be able to lead a discussion on it. Hongjoong now desperately wanted to invite you to a chat with him and the CEO. This was essential for the business.

“Well, these are just my thoughts and feelings, of course. So take it with a pinch of salt.” You finished, smoothing the creases at the bottom of your shirt, a habit you had formed to calm your nerves during presentations.

“That is one big pinch of salt, Y/N. I think I will have to have you sign an NDA for that. And jeez, this has probably been the most original way someone had ever pledged allegiance to the ATEEZ mission… ever.” He whispered, suddenly looking a LOT more tired than he did at the beginning of your conversation.

“Thank… you?”

“Yeah… uh… so… where was it you wanted to go?” he recalled that he had not even asked what the public space was.

“Noraebang.”

“What the fu- did you actually just make my soul leave my body to ask if you could go sing some songs with Seonghwa?” he face palmed and massaged his temples. Damn, you really were a STEM person. Very careful. Though he could vibe with that – Seonghwa was not kidding when he said you were a mature and responsible human.

“Uh… well I needed to check with you because this is a venture outside of more secluded locations, I needed to hear your thoughts on whether it would be okay for Seonghwa to appear in a noraebang, how and when it would be possible-”

“My one request is you don’t talk lore with the guy, because I still want to maintain some authority. And ask him to take you to KQ at some point after, and I can arrange a meeting for then. I am not kidding about the NDA.”

“Sure. Thank you. Then the rest is… up to me?”

“Yes, go wild. Well, not wild, but I assume you know what a ‘safe and secure’ wild is?”

“That is basically what physics is.”

“Understandable-”

“-have a great day.”

“Yeah you are a walking green flag in my eyes, Y/N. I’ll text you some of the times when Seonghwa is free this week so you can organise the noraebang date, m’kay?”

“Perfect, thank you so much!”

When you ended the call, Hongjoong yeeted himself onto the sofa, face down, and began to run through the conversation that he would have to have with management – ‘big reveal an astrophysicist knows more than the group about the storyline that the group follows’.

Seonghwa was not enjoying the continuous winking from Hongjoong, not one bit. In addition, the fact that, upon receiving some kind of message on his phone, Wooyoung entered full sneak and snoop mode and kept on infiltrating the eldest members’ room – fifteen times in the last hour, to be exact, did not bode well for Seonghwa’s sanity. Though at least the latter member appeared to still be clueless, and pestering Hongjoong more than him.

And it only built up come the time of Seonghwa’s date with you. You had suggested to meet right outside the dorms, saying that it was going to be a surprise. His mind went right back to high school when there had been pop quizzes and surprise assessments – totally not emotional trauma speaking for him there. He recalled you had talked about some kind of conference, or convention related to space research – what if you were going to take him there? As much as he was into seeing you be very excited, and he was interested in the reality that inspired some of his favourite things on the planet, his brain would erupt or turn into goo from that much content.

He already had a hard time reviewing the online flashcards that he had created for whenever you would mention some kind of concept or word that he did not quite understand. Though you did not do it often, and never, ever did the horrid thing of overusing complicated terms just to put yourself above someone, he still went out of his way to study the thing that appeared to come naturally to your after so many years of practice, study and beyond impressive dedication to the craft. He felt that you deserved more than he could offer, that you were on your own gorgeous wavelength, and that he could only dream to reach it – if it could happen at least sometimes, that would be enough.

“Dude you are actually scary, why are you looking at that?” San slinked right up to him, pointing at the screen where there was a diagram explaining redshift and blueshift.

“Because I am ascending, San.”

“Hwa, you are not a scientist so why are you-” Mingi, who was in the process of trying to sneak a snack from the kitchen in his pocket, called out, but was quickly cut off by Hongjoong, who was standing right by his room’s door.

“-because he is respectful. If you guys had as much dedication as the guy then maybe, just maybe you would be able to carry the lore or at least pretend to understand it.”

“Why so salty?” San interjected, allowing Mingi to complete his mission without being spotted.

“Excuse you that’s called being well-seasoned.” Hongjoong retorted, not being quite sure what he meant but at least it was not salty.

“Ah yes, something that a near-retired gent such as yourself and a Thanksgiving turkey have in common.” Wooyoung appeared out of his room, shooting finger guns at the captain.

“Nah turkey doesn’t do it.” Yeosang called out, only having tuned into the conversation once something bird related was mentioned.

“Yes you guys, we have all converted to ‘blue bird’~” Yunho imitated Yeosang’s line in Halazia, deepening his voice. He was currently splayed out on the living room couch, trying to control his rage as he was repeatedly losing to Jongho at FIFA.

“We are not EATING the BLUE BIRD you GUYS!” Hongjoong sighed and tried to end the conversation.

Seonghwa sent him a grateful glance for the effective de-railing. As the members disappeared back into their respective corners of the dorm, he settled back down into one of the dining room chairs, only to be joined by Yunho, who decided to ‘take a break because he was not really feeling the game at the moment’, much to Jongho’s amusement.

“Hey… all okay?” Yunho whispered, making sure that others would not overhear their conversation.

“Yeah.” Seonghwa locked his phone and placed it face down. He tried to muster a smile, but it was a little challenging given that he could not figure out what he was going to face this evening.

“How are things with her?”

“Good. Thank you for driving me those last couple of times by the way.” Seonghwa tried to bring up the positive. Yunho, though he was able to choose violence, ended up being incredibly supportive of Seonghwa and his seeing you. To the point where he was competing with Hongjoong for best advice giver and most encouraging homie.

“Oh no problem at all. It its just awesome to see you so smitten, really. Just let me know if you need anything else, like ever. I’ll be there.”

“It really means a lot. But today she is taking me to some mystery location apparently.”

“Well you know hyung and I are right here, just sound the alarm and we will speed to wherever.”

“What would I do without you, Yunho?”

“Take the taxi.”

“Respectfully, bruh.”

“What, am I wrong?”

“Nah.”

“Good, let’s stop being sappy and get you ready, yeah?”

“READY FOR WHAT?” of course Wooyoung had to have listened into the conversation, and was more than ready to learn the ins and outs of what kind of stuff has been going on with Seonghwa.

“Seonghwa, do you want to-”

“It’s a date, Woo. It’s a date.”

“CAN I COME?”

“NO, YOU CANNOT!?!?!”

At least now he did not need to spend the next two hours stressing, but instead fighting a barrage of questions coming from all directions at once. At least Hongjoong and Yunho were already in the know, and Yeosang and Jongho were just not bothered enough and respected a thing called privacy (also known as – they will not hear the end of this from Wooyoung later anyways, so why bother now). So, he was getting it easy.

Out of all the places in Seoul where you could have taken him out on a date, a noraebang was probably one of the furthest down on the list. You had never explicitly expressed any interest in performing music or signing or… anything to do with you personally engaging in the art. You had given him the impression of exclusively being a listener, rather than someone who would belt songs into a microphone in front of a TV screen for fun. But he was not complaining. This was right up his alley.

You had taken every precaution, even if it meant paying a higher booking fee, checking the blueprints of the place to make sure you went down corridors with less people, choosing a noraebang that was primarily automated with little staff… you wanted this evening to be about Seonghwa and him having fun, rather than him having to worry about everything and everyone.

It was nothing short of brilliant to watch him as he ambled down to the room under the neon lights, excited at every piece of décor, and poking you a little whenever he would hear snippets of songs that he recognised. It was like someone had pulled a switch inside him, and the previously distressed and anxious Seonghwa was nowhere to be seen. This was the power of passion, and of music. And you felt beyond guilty for somehow having had played a part in making him believe that you did not want to see this.

Though nothing was explicitly your fault, and you did talk with Seonghwa about his life and abouthis career, you felt like you could, and should have tried harder. He deserved so much more than what you could offer, so you were willing to do anything to simply make him smile. And a trip to the noraebang was, as it turned out, a fantastic start.

You two had started off the evening with a couple of classic 90s hits, Dance with DOC by DJ DOC and I Know by Seo Taiji and the Boys, which progressed to Seonghwa fully serenading you with Perfect Man by Shinhwa, which you had picked because “haha, Seonghwa – Shinhwa sounds similar”, not realising that your ears were about to be blessed. Then you had made the discovery that Seonghwa was a girl group dance machine, and from Wonder Girls, to miss A to 2NE1 you two were losing yourself in the music, with Seonghwa actively trying to teach you key points of every choreo. As you came closer and closer to choosing more recently released tunes, however, you noticed a lull in Seonghwa’s enthusiasm. He appeared to be hesitant in carrying on with your concert, glancing at you more often, asking if you were okay, if you were happy, what your preferences were.

As minutes turned into an hour, and then were beginning to approach the second, he started getting worried about your interest. Were you doing this because you actually wanted to, or because you felt pity for him and wanted to ‘bring yourself down to his little bubble’ and have a good sing-along. Long rumination session short – he needed a reminder for just what he had achieved.

With every look he was sending in your direction, you were getting more and more annoyed. Not at Seonghwa, but at the fact that he was so quick to disregard his brilliance. Compare himself. View himself as someone who had 'not done much'. While being humble was admirable, and how he was grateful to everyone who was helping him made your heart swell, he was approaching irrational levels of self-disregard.

"Hey, Seonghwa. Can I quickly tell you something?"

"Oh if you are tired we can-"

"What makes you happy?"

"What?"

"What makes you happy?"

"Uhm... is this a trick question?"

"This is not a quiz, Seonghwa. What I want to hear is the truth. Otherwise, I will just try to answer for you.”

"You?"

"Smooth, but scratch that for a second. Does music make you happy? In another life, would you still be ATEEZ?"

"...Yes."

"Good! That is what I wanted to hear. So why are you not living it when you are with me?"

"But I... well... we bonded over space? And Lego? And sci fi and... things not to related to music... so I decided that this was what would help me be closer to you."

"I am glad that it helped us bond, I really am. But at the same time, I am upset that I made an impression on you that this was all I was interested in. I know you go out of your way to learn more about what I do. I know that you spend hours picking apart the vocabulary, the ideas I drop without thinking. I know that you care so much and put that above what you love. But this is consuming you. I am so sorry for it. I am taking away from your happiness."

"But this is not... your fault? In the slightest? I want to learn more, and I want to know what you like-”

"Relationships are a two-way street, Seonghwa. So, if there is imbalance, I am to blame too. I like you for who you are, not for who you try to morph yourself to be. I am an idiot for not diving into music until now. I am upset at myself for not enabling you to shine to the fullest. Seonghwa, you are radiant. You are the most hardworking, respectable, persevering individual I know. You remember those times you mentioned how you approach practice? Passing it of as nothing special? Well I can guarantee you, you are one of the few who is so damn passionate and so deeply caring about the future, about ATEEZ, about music. You breathe this, and I want to see more of it. You deserve more than what the universe has to offer, and I as an astrophysicist can say that. And you, as an idol, singer, rapper, performer, dancer, artist, role model, actual model and SO MUCH MORE, can do me a favour and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND LOVE WHAT YOU HAVE ACHIEVED. You have so much to be proud of, and yes, I understand that sometimes there are days where you doubt yourself and are down in the dumps - hell, I have been there myself, but just know, that even if you feel that way, neither your fellow members, nor I feel the same. You are a guiding star for many, and the one I will always look for in the infinite expanse."

"I... I really don't know what to say.... Y/N..."

You could see that Seonghwa was beginning to tear up - you had expected for him to be the type of person to take such things more deeply, but did not predict that you would be misty-eyed right there with him. Before either of you became a sobbing mess, Seonghwa pulled you close, and into a tight hug. The way he held onto you alluded to a sort of fear. A fear that this was all an illusion. That it could disappear in the blink of an eye. But you were never going to feed into that. Instead, you moved your hands to cup his face, and stared deep into his eyes, finally closing the space between you with a sweet, reassuring kiss, full of love and promise.

You upheld your promise to Hongjoong, and had asked Seonghwa whether he would be comfortable with showing you around KQ. This had led him to immediately calling Hongjoong, who, much to his surprise, had apparently already organised everything for the same day next week, and now was simply asking Seonghwa to send his regards and warn you that you were probably going to be ambushed since the rest of the guys were going to find out pretty quickly. Oh, and that you had a meeting at two thirty in the afternoon, so better be at KQ by then. After ending the call, Seonghwa turned his head, eyes wide as a saucepans:

“Since when are you business partners with Hongjoong?”

“Probably since I had to call him to ask if it would be okay to organise this.” You gestured all around you, struggling to keep a straight face as EXO’s Growl played in the background.

“And what kind of meeting is he talking about?”

“Long story short I apparently need to sign a non-disclosure agreement. For… reasons.”

“No way. No freaking way you actually did it!” he exclaimed, putting his hands on his head.

“Did… what?” you tried to hide it since Hongjoong had asked you to not tell Seonghwa the specifics, but his reaction was too cute to resist.

“There is literally only one reason why he would want you to join in on some intellectual property protection schemes, and that is if you somehow managed to crack the lore. So… my darling has the ATEEZ multiverse in her hands isn’t that neat?!”

“I said nothing, by the way.”

“I don’t need you beefing with Joongie so neither of us know anything.”

Did you overprepare for what was supposed to be a casual visit? Yes. Did you regret it? Hell no. So, you lugged a heavy tote bag around with you with a great sense of pride, from room to room, studio to studio. Seonghwa asked you a couple of times whether it was too heavy or not, but you stated confidently that it was for an eight makes one team kind of moment.

The gifts contained in the tote bag were a collaboration between eight people, after all. It was not too hard to get in touch with everyone, and they were more than invested in the idea of figuring out a meaningful expression of gratitude. This was how, in a week’s time you had managed to coordinate the ultimate deliverable, exclusively for ATEEZ, and absolutely top secret.

Seonghwa managed to force entry into what had been planned as a meeting between you, Hongjoong and the CEO only, and ended up sitting in a corner, just loving the fact that you were his girlfriend and were so immersed in his work, as spooky theories and future release plans were being hurled around the room. Being sworn to secrecy had never felt as good for you as it did now, and the joy written across Seonghwa’s face as you ended up being able to uphold a discussion about some obscure science fiction anime that the CEO was a fan of served as further motivation.

After finishing the meeting and making your way to a staff-only cafeteria for a late lunch together with Hongjoong and Seonghwa, you were stopped on your tracks by a very distinct shout from behind you.

“SPACE RACE!?”

“Oh so you were not kidding when you said they interrogated you huh?” you turned to Seonghwa after having registered that the rest of ATEEZ were about to stampede you.

“Yep, and that, my dear, was Wooyoung altering you of his presence. Whether you stay still or run it does not really matter. He has you on his radar.” Seonghwa warned you, placing a hand on the small of your back.

“And his girlfriend is my friend.”

“You have too much power, I respect you.” Hongjoong whispered as the three of you turned to greet the rest of the members.

Yunho pushed himself through, introducing himself as the designated driver to a lot of your functions with Seonghwa, for which you bowed to him and thanked him. Yeosang mentioned that your work was very cool, and how he had read your interview in a science magazine published a few months ago, which took you aback, but made you feel honoured. The rest of the members were equally polite, though Jongho was the only one who managed to control his volume when greeting you.

“So, you here to talk science?”

“Only science that’s related to ATEEZ, so if you follow Hongjoong, Seonghwa and I to the cafeteria, I shall share all.”

And who would not sign up for a little mystery?

Once everyone had sat a large table, and were more or less settled down, you finally felt like you could reveal what had been prepared. But, not before quickly shooting a text to a group chat of all your collaborators: “it is happening”.

After looking around the oversized bag, you finally took out gift number one. It was a miniature FIFA World Cup style trophy, engraved with ‘ATEEZ’ and ‘8 makes 1 team’ right at the base. You noticed Jongho go pale, just as you had expected.

Then, there was a game for the console. A side project which a high profile game developer who you admired had been working on for what had been a few months apparently, but managed to wrap up in the time you had set – a Super Smash Bros style multiplayer, but with the boys as the playable characters. Yunho began to look side to side, trying to figure out whether it was only him to realised exactly who was behind this gift.

The next gift was a double combo – it was a CD, recorded by a rapper that was currently rapidly rising to fame, together with a well-designed booklet on the inside, containing the lyrics translated into seven other languages. Both San and Mingi melted into a puddle at the side, punching each other out of excitement.

One of your favourites was a present from your good friend at ‘dream-ity’ – an array of cookies with ornate icing designs, made to look exactly like the various editions of all albums that ATEEZ had ever released. You could hear Wooyoung whispering to himself ‘this cannot be happening and when did she have the time’ over and over again.

Next were eight custom jewellery pieces, matching bracelets for each of the members that were from a not yet available, highly exclusive collection from ARNURI. You had no idea how you had convinced the designer and owner of the brand to just gift that on a whim, but seeing just how Hongjoong.exe ceased to work explained it all.

Was it possible to make a mini magazine in the span of a week? Apparently so, especially when an expert has access to top quality blackmail material collected by none other than Yeosang. And that was exactly what he gravitated towards as soon as you produced it out of the bag. He leafed through page after page, seeing a collection of inside jokes, quotes and memes from both the internet and from his stories of the boys, and was near tearing up.

Seonghwa was staring at you, flabbergasted as you produced a framed mini poster. While the rest of the members were cooing over the various ATEEZ-themed presents, you looked at him, and quietly explained:

“So, this… this is a star map. Basically, how the sky looked like above Seoul, South Korea when you guys made your debut. And under this,” you turned the poster the other way around, and from behind the frame produced a certificate, “is a document confirming you having your own personal star, named after ATEEZ. So, here’s that.”

He covered his mouth with his hand, stifling a gasp.

“Eight makes one team?” you tried, noticing that all the members were either texting, or already calling their special people.

Seonghwa reached over to you, gleaming, thanking the universe time and time again. As he took your hand in his, and looked into your eyes, making time freeze, he whispered:

“Something tells me it’s sixteen.”

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sun-y · 6 months ago

Text

Your fan, Seonghwa (part 1)

(your fan ml)

🛸 pairing: seonghwa x nerdfluencer & physicist!reader 🛸 genre: romance, fluff, mutual pining 🛸 summary: a bulletpoint-style wordstream of what it would be like if seonghwa was stanning you 🛸 wordcount: 5.4k 🛸 warnings/tags: language, SCIENCE, astrophysics, may the force be with you, scientific formulas, lego obsession, yunho driving, hongjoong jealousy and fatigue, seonghwa just wants someone to be a nerd with, lmk if anything else 🛸 taglist: [temporarily removed because... dumblr] 🛸 a/n: Hello there my loves <3 here is part 1 for Your Fan Seonghwa! The end is nigh and I am in denial ;~; Much love and biggest hugs <3

"Hold up, are you... no.... NOT THIS!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!! GUYS WE HAVE LOST HIM!!!

A wild Wooyoung crashed Seonghwa's dorm room, and yelled bloody murder as he saw what could only be described as cursed scriptures on the older member's phone screen. It was unmistakable... they were FORMULAS... EQUATIONS... THE MOMENT WHEN MATHS SUDDENLY HAD MORE LETTERS THAN NUMBERS...

"What???? What is happening???" a confused Mingi, who was passing by the room while walking down the corridor, called out and peered in. Wooyoung was crouched on the floor, clenching his shirt as though he was having a heart attack.

"He is... HE IS WATCHING PHYSICS LECTURES." That was enough for Mingi to shriek, and be joined by San, who collapsed onto his knees right at the door, and beat it a couple of times with his fist, and screamed:

"HE HAS BEEN POSSESSED NOOOOOO..."

"I think I am about to pass out this is disgusting..." Wooyoung whispered to himself, not noticing Yunho creep into the room, assessing the damage.

"Bro you are supposed to be a role model and you do this?" Yunho asked shaking his head in disapproval.

"This is to answer the question of whether Tatooine's twin stars could be a real thing and actually have planets forming around them. It is really nicely explained and informative, and I highly recommend it." Seonghwa's voice remained level while he was observing the reactions of his fellow members - just as he had expected, and intended.

"That's what they all say... and then they go get a degree..." Yeosang interjected while walking by the room, every bit a mourning man.

"Hey STEM is also cool!" Seonghwa added making the group erupt in waves of groans and gasps.

"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, YOU TRAITOR?" Wooyoung shouted out, having turned borderline manic at this point.

"I really can't see why we split the sciences and liberal arts in such a hardcore way. I mean, the really awesome stuff happens when we combine them, right?"

The eldest member was just having fun taking the piss at this point, knowing that if anybody was distant to science, it was the majority of ATEEZ. With the exception of Yeosang, but he felt the natural sciences to be a moral trigger so he was not destroying the 'not quite STEM fond' agenda.

"You know what, keep on watching it you corrupt man, but out of my sight for my sake."

"First of all, you are the one who barged into my room for some fucking reason. Second of all, okay then, I'll tell you about dark matter and dark energy later."

"What?" Wooyoung, who had already picked himself up off the floor and was in process of slowly getting out of the room, suddenly froze and turned his head dramatically.

"Space is fun, you should 'open up your eyes open up your mind' a bit."

"Yeah that's why I'm asking you to give me that space and keep some space between us. I don't want to have a stress-induced stroke or something."

"Do you even have a brain to have a stroke with?" Hongjoong entered the room, making his way to his bed, done with the younger member's antics, and moderately disinterested in whatever cursed content Seonghwa was indulging in in his free time.

"I swear, the more time I spend in the studio, the more shit goes down at home and I end up finding out via Twitter or as a public announcement. Can science explain that, Hwa?" Hongjoong called out while rubbing his face with his hands in an attempt to fight sleep.

"Nah, don't know anything about psychology, sorry."

"Oooh how does that make you feel Joongie?" San tried to prod.

"Scram, you menace, show's over." Hongjoong aimed with a pillow, ready to start physical violence, but the threat seemed to carry across well enough, "San, I have yet to think of consequences for you and your bloody international conspiracies, so for you I am auto-pissed."

"Aight, I'm boutta head out." Yunho raised his hands and grabbed both San and Wooyoung by the collars, and dragged them out. Mingi was polite enough to just follow along.

"Have a NICE TIME!" Seonghwa merely smiled as a frustrated Wooyoung slammed the door to the older member's dorm and stomped off, obviously not satisfied with the lack of a scoop. He was in dire need of tea, and the one member that had not yet revealing ANYTHING at all was just going insane with his space obsession - not good enough.

Seonghwa knew that he would not be attacked. He had a foolproof strategy to hide himself. And it was the power of natural sciences and mathematics. All he had to do was switch screens and he would have one of your 'professional' videos playing. One where it was just your voice, and a digital blackboard occupying the entire screen, with you writing formula after formula.

He found it challenging to pick up on all the things you said in your more academically intense videos (at least straight away), but your passion was addictive, and Seonghwa had discovered that you were brilliant at providing analogies for concepts that were hard for him. This had resulted in him proudly being able to calculate redshift, and relative magnitudes (with these endeavours having been done in secret, on envelopes or napkins, out of everyone's sight).

This kind of study-along had become one of the ways in which Seonghwa decided he could connect with you without being grilled by the other members. The only one who had raised an eyebrow and had taken his behaviours with suspicion had been Hongjoong, but with no other evidence, the captain could not make him walk the plank.

If he wanted to unwind and treat your videos almost like relaxing ASMR, he either went to your other channel where you did 'researcher vlogs' or focused on the videos that were whole sessions dedicated to simply nerding out over your favourite things. Which just so happened to be incredibly similar to his. To Seonghwa, there was nothing better than your ability to combine your professional knowledge and total shitposting.

He loved how you would include Star Wars memes in otherwise serious videos. How you would dive into the great depths and divulge the details of something like the impact of destruction over Endor, or the flight dynamics of space craft in Star Wars, or the famous discussion of vibrations in space, and how all sound in the movie should be treated as an interpretation for the audience, rather than something that the characters could actually hear.

You had also mentioned a couple of times about Star Wars figurines and LEGO sets, which had sent his heart ablaze, but so far, had never shown even as much as a hint at a collection - which he had written to you about in the comments of one of your YouTube videos using a fake account.

He had almost squealed when he saw that you had favourited the comment, and replied to it with a quick 'perhaps soon ;)'. It really meant nothing, and anyone could have written the same thing in half a second, but it was you, and he suddenly understood in much greater depth how ATINY probably felt when he read their comments out during a live.

Seonghwa had discovered you when searching for a clip from one of the Star Wars films, a clip which you had just so happened to have analysed. He had been curious about what you had to say, so he simply clicked, not knowing that this was the start of something much greater.

First, the thought you were a YouTuber who produced Star Wars related content. Next, he thought you were an adorable nerd who liked space. Then, he thought you were an incredibly intelligent and multifaceted individual who had a broad range of interests, fascinating experiences, and a passion for science. And finally, he figured out that you were a fully fledged researcher working towards her PhD in astrophysics in a high profile institute, were hilarious, what he would consider a genius, and yet were supremely humble, down to earth (he found it interesting to describe you in that way while you were studying everything that surrounded the planet) and so genuine.

He did not consider himself a fan at all, because he simply wanted to get to know you, off camera In real life. Seonghwa had a crush on you from the get-go. And the opportunity to meet had presented himself out of the blue, and on the best day possible, when a schedule had just been canceled. In the community tab on your channel you had announced that you would be doing a small meet and greet in a specific location, and that if anyone wanted to pop by during a set period of time, you would be there.

It was set. He was going to pull 99z tactic and make a run for it. This was critical. Much to his dismay, once he checked the map, he saw that the 'venue' you had chosen, which turned out to be one of the 'dream-ity' cafes was... far. Very far. Especially for him, since it was either public transport and high exposure risk, or walking which would just send him to go meet people in the after life instead.

He had no choice. Seonghwa needed a partner in crime. But there was only one who fit the role anyways. He needed Yunho. Upon receiving a cryptic text from the eldest member, he ambled into the room, a smirk on his face.

"So? What do you need me for? Does Cinderella need to head to the ball?"

"Honestly, kind of. I need to attend this one event, but it is far." Seonghwa kept his descriptions vague, not wanting to reveal too much too soon.

"Why not grab one of the drivers?" Yunho narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

"This is a private matter."

"Well you know I need details now. And I am not moving anywhere until I get them."

Yunho could feel where this was going. He could see that familiar glint in Seonghwa's eyes. This was peak 'I am crushing, I know it, but I don't want to tell you' behaviour. Finally, the old man found a potential special someone. This was a day to celebrate.

"I said, private." Seonghwa reiterated. Yunho did not really need to know the details, because he was already on board, but it was fun to annoy Seonghwa when he could.

"Hey, what if you are going to go be murdering people, then I would need to bring cling film and plastic bags at least. State your business."

"If you drive me there I know you will snoop anyways, so why tell?"

Damn. He was good.

"Oh that sounds spicy, okay I'm in. But wait shouldn't we let Hongjoong know that we are going out? It'll be less suspicious that way - too many members have made the mistake of not having him on their side already."

"You make a good point, JOOOOOOOONG?" Seonghwa stood up to start getting ready. If he was to make it to the fan meet closing, he needed to be heading out of the door right about now. Yunho caught on and rapidly hobbled out to grab his jacket and mask against any in-car paparazzi photos.

"Yo?" Hongjoong poked his head into the room, and took a swig of the mid-evening coffee he had in his hand.

"Yunho and I are going on a trip." Seonghwa explained, whilst inspecting himself in the mirror, styling his hair.

"In our favourite rocket ship." Yunho returned, playing with the car keys, and decided that Hongjoong needed a bigger headache today.

"Zooming through the sky." Seonghwa understood the assignment and picked up on the song cue.

"Little Einstein." Yunho leaned over and whisper screamed into Hongjoong's ear, making him shudder and lean far back.

"What in tarnation?"

"Don't worry about it Joongie we shall be back shortly."

"Uh so no one will explain why??? NOR WHERE????"

Hongjoong shouted at the already closed front door.

But little did Seonghwa and Yunho know, Hongjoong had a talent for running down the emergency stairs of the apartment building faster than the elevator moved. And he also could hide behind the car so effectively, that the pair only noticed his form chilling in the back seat when Yunho had already started the engine and was about to drive out.

"Hongjoong WHAT are you doing here, how???" Seonghwa yelled after having his soul momentarily depart from his body when he saw Hongjoong's dark silhouette in the front mirror. In the meantime, Yunho was struggling to contain a fit of giggles, and was grasping onto the steering wheel for dear life.

"I have special powers. And I want to find out who you are going to go meet and hell's ass o'clock. I don't need another midnight concert-goer or gym rat."

"Don't worry, I'm more tame than that."

Yunho smiled to himself. There already was progress - Seonghwa was revealing more and more about who in the world he wanted to go see.

After having finally arrived to the location, with Hongjoong whining that it was so far and that the other members were probably already burning the dorms down, they stopped. Seonghwa made no move towards getting out of the car, instead looking off into the darkness, observing some figures moving about.

He was trying to make sense of where you were, so that he could find the best moment to enter the scene. The other two members went quiet at the same exact time, just observing Seonghwa, who seemed to have been able to locate a target.

He spotted you waving to a couple of people who just departed from the cafe, officially leaving you as the only one left. The cafe had already closed, so you were loitering outside, and checking something on your phone. Illuminated by the streetlights, you were like a fairy tale. It was difficult for Seonghwa to convince himself that it actually was you in front of him and not some illusion. What if it was just his wishful thinking? Well, only one way to find out.

He huffed, threw on a black cap and checked his mask was not wonky, and opened the car door. Hongjoong was about to call out to him, but Yunho was quick to react and rapidly extended his arm out, nearly hitting the captain in the face but at least preventing him from making noise.

Seonghwa bolted to you as soon as he looked around and confirmed that there were no curious eyes - he was not about to lose all rationality, as much as he wanted to.

Yunho and Hongjoong were watching the scene unfold with wide eyes and jaws dropped to the floor. Only now did Hongjoong realise that this weird outing was about that ONE YOUTUBE PERSON Seonghwa kept on watching. Hongjoong should have seen it coming, considering how a couple of members had found love via social media. Of course, Seonghwa was going to be an internet creep. How else.

"YO YUNHO WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

"Livestreaming for chat, duh. I'm sending updates."

"THE GUYS DO NOT NEED TO KNOW??? Hey give me the phone-"

"Can you even reach that far? Hah Woo is flipping out and saying he is sad he can't say 'no bitches' to Seonghwa every morning anymore."

"Seriously though stop sending pics this is literally-"

"Once ATEEZ, always ATEEZ. We know ALL."

When Seonghwa approached you and called you by your name, you were all ears. For some reason, you had felt the need to stay behind, just a little longer. Your heart had told you so - and apparently, it was clairvoyant or very well-attuned to world vibrations. Here was a mysterious stranger, clad in black, talking to you. Part of you was a little afraid, but there was nothing a little lab-made spray that was in your pocket could not do. You put away your phone, and began to reach for the item, but at the last second decided to ask for your fan's name.

Seonghwa could not lie. It would not sit right with him. Besides, he only recently had seen what kind of shit went down when that happened - also known as San fighting a love war on too many fronts. So, after a moment of deliberation, he uncovered his face, and quietly whispered a "Park Seonghwa..."

And that made you flip, as you clapped your hands in excitement, your face lighting up with the widest grin you could muster.

"SO WAIT WHO EXACTLY IS A FAN OF WHO? WHO IS TAKING PHOTOS WITH WHO?"

Seonghwa was unable to process, basically forgetting that he was an idol and people could know him, even though seconds ago he was in full sneak mode. Hearing you say his name with so much glee did things to him.

"Uh... I am... definitely... A fan... so..." he was trying to force out, unable to break focus from the joy you were experiencing.

"Well same here! And more specifically yourself! I'll be honest, it's one of your Lego assembly lives that did it and introduced me to ATEEZ, since uh, you know, we are fellow Star Wars appreciators."

Seonghwa totally was not contemplating whether it was considered too early to marry a person who he had officially met only a couple of minutes ago.

It was not the stage presence, nor was it the talent and skill oozing from this man that had been the thing that hooked you in initially. You had grown to appreciate that later, and became a bit of a fan, but what had been the little lightbulb moment that helped you discover Seonghwa and ATEEZ, was Lego. You were a proud internet dweller, and enjoyed traversing content that was associated with your areas of interest regularly, so as soon as you saw Star Wars and Lego in a just finished livestream on a channel called ATEEZ, you had to check it out.

And that was how you came face to face with an incredibly handsome, yet somehow still cute man who was raving about what was your favourite game, toy, arguably way of life, of all time. All at once. After reading through some comments that were under the video, you figured out his name, his occupation, that "his duality was no joke", that he was "ethereal and was making people melt", that people would be happy if he rearranged them like the little building blocks, that his name was star related... and that he was an avid Star Wars fan.

Well there was no choice for you but to at least respect this man. And that respect, quickly enough, turned into you listening to "This Is ATEEZ" on loop on Spotify, and making your colleagues passively memorise some of the songs because of how many times they had graced their ears. Their videos were probably the only deviation from the usual astrophysics lectures and movie clips that you had in your recommended on YouTube, and you were pretty happy with that. They hit your 2AM 'need to work on my five projects but am derailed by sleep debt and lack of caffeine' funny bone alarmingly well.

Once your a tid-bit oblivious self finally recognised the legend that was in front of you, you became an unstoppable wave of compliments. It was only fair, and the least you could do. He had come to your meet and greet, waited for hell knows how long, all while most likely having a billion other more important things to do.

Seonghwa was blushing into infinity, but you continued. You mentioned that you often cranked up ATEEZ tunes when working in the labs, and Seonghwa was ready to become total mush then and there.

Your conversation then eventually turned back to the original point of the fan meeting - to talk science fiction and outer space, and you stated that you would be more than happy to show Seonghwa some of the more serious work that you did. Realising that you were pretty much asking him out, Seonghwa was giddy, and wasted no time in agreeing with you and asking when.

Without thinking about it much and just deciding on the spot to take the risk, you ask for his phone, saying that ,such ventures would require closer collaboration', with a smile.

In the meantime, Hongjoong was screaming in the car, having a metaphorical heart attack, while Yunho was now on video call with the rest of ATEEZ, doing something similar to a live broadcast - an attempt which the captain could hear was being guided by none other than Yeosang, who, amidst the hoots and tease after tease, was explaining (unprompted) the theory behind live on-scene reporting as though he had been called on by a teacher.

Hongjoong could not take his eyes away from the exchange between you and Seonghwa. While he could not say many details about you, his friend was like an open book to him, and every twist, every turn, every tilt that he could recognise (no thanks to the distance between the parked vehicle and the two of you), Hongjoong could see that Seonghwa was deeply into you. Far too deeply for it to be just a little passing interest.

As Seonghwa texted you and you confirmed the numbers have indeed been exchanged, you suggested to take a photo together, so you could use each other's halves for profile pics and he decided that he was yours even if you did not need him in your life. A resounding series of 'brooooo's resounded from the call as Yunho tried to focus the camera on the scene, despite Hongjoong shouting 'creep' at him.

After setting up communication, organising what you both had agreed was to be a date and parting ways, Seonghwa waddled back into the car like the happiest duckling of all time. Literally could not speak while Hongjoong was punching his shoulder repeatedly.

Yunho shook Seonghwa's hand and Wooyoung could be heard HOLLERING over the phone and begging for Yunho to show Seonghwa's face, which was glowing. He became eternal sunshine.

For your date (and yes he kept on chanting this in his head) Seonghwa decided to make you a rose out of Lego, and glued it together so that it could be a permanent piece that would not be damaged while being transported. Whilst in the process of making it, he had to fight off the 99z menaces, only managing to get rid of them when he went against his nature and littered the floor with spare Lego pieces like a minefield.

Hongjoong has been on edge ever since the so-called fan meet, eyeing Seonghwa whenever he would as much as touch his phone, and try peek over his shoulder if he began to smile like a lovesick fool. The captain was doing just about the same thing now, watching Seonghwa as he was making finishing touches on the rose.

"Hey, Hwa, can I at least meet her? Or like learn more about her?"

"As long as you don't stalk me and her, and meet her not in person not right now, sure."

"Bruh."

"I know you can and do creep on the interwebs."

"Dang it. The sad part is that you're right. Okay give me just like.... a rundown? Can I trust her?"

Seonghwa, proud of the gift he had just finished making, was now in the process of tidying up, carefully wiping the floor.

"If it helps, she is the kind of person to have to-do lists, me and her literally have an agenda set out, and she sent all location and time details in advance."

"Shit okay she is responsible-"

"She participated in a rocket launch."

"YOU WHAT FAM??" Hongjoong was shaken. How did this person have time for everything?

"Yeah. She is an astrophysicist, so she wasn't designing the rocket per se, but contributed in a different project phase."

"Damn, she might even be able to understand the ATEEZ lore with that brain."

"Uh huh."

"Can I come with you?"

"No." Seonghwa shut the leader down with a smile, twirling the flower between two of his fingers, as he thought about the evening ahead.

Judging from your reaction to the surprise present, the rose might as well have been a newly discovered star - that was how you admired it, how you handled it, and how you turned into an automated praise dispenser towards Seonghwa - he was glad that the institute where you had decided it was safest to meet had a penchant for 'conserving energy' and kept the lights relatively dim, so you could not see just how red his ears were.

You decided that the best place to begin the tour would be the mini planetarium that was housed inside the institute. Seeing as you had exclusive access even after hours, it was an opportunity one simply could not pass up. As you led Seonghwa from one exhibit to another, and managed to guide him through it thanks to being here countless times already, you notice just how immersed he was, and caught flashes of near boyish excitement as you threw in a couple of references from popular culture, be it your favourite franchise or details from movies like Interstellar or The Martian.

Moving along, you led him to one of the stronger telescopes that were on site - even though they were not much compared to those in an observatory, and were more for fun rather than for research and real observation, it was definitely enough to make Seonghwa send out a barrage of questions regarding anything he could spot. To you, it was a rare occasion to meet someone outside of your field of work who was equally as excited about all things space. And of course, it was even rarer to have that person be a crush of yours.

Then, it was time for the final destination. Your pride and joy, one that you had spent quite some time decorating. Your office. Well, technically you shared it with other post graduates but they allowed you to go ham on the interior design so you considered the office to be mainly your space.

And THAT was where Seonghwa saw some parts of your collection, and was completely blown away. There was a glass cabinet position against a wall a bit further away from the entrance, and in it, he would spot The Razor Crest, a Hoth AT-ST, R2-D2, Luke Skywalker's Landspeeder, and many, many more. He gravitated towards the display, and his mind was spinning from the sheer glee of seeing such beauty. As he was taken by the sight, you left his side for a couple of seconds, and then returned, and poked his shoulder lightly.

When Seonghwa turned his head, he nearly yelped.

"Is that... A box... for the Mos Eisley Cantina?"

"Yeah, and I was wondering if you wanted to... assemble it, together?"

"A HUNDRED TIMES YES?"

You had never seen a man drop to the floor that quickly before. In a matter of seconds, Seonghwa was sitting, as one might say, 'criss cross apple sauce', and patting the space next to him, in front of him, wherever just please let's unpack this and get to it.

So you spend the whole night just making the model on the floor of your office, in your own little world, enjoying life.

Which of course meant that he came home at... 6AM, disregarding seventeen missed calls and forty-two texts from Hongjoong, looking like the happiest man alive. Which made the captain melt as he stored away the insults and scolding session he had prepared for later use - because it was Seonghwa after all, Seonghwa could be forgiven, and Seonghwa would make him clean the room probably.

So instead, he sat by Seonghwa's side as he flicked through photo after photo after photo, showing Hongjoong progress pics of the Lego assembly, with very aesthetically pleasing photos of you sprinkled all over his camera roll. It was far too clear - Seonghwa was down bad.

They had not noticed Yeosang slink into the room, but considering that he had stayed politely quiet, accepted his presence.

"Is my man... a goner? Do I need to ask my girlfriend to make a funeral fit?" Hongjoong asked.

"Hyung it is more likely to be a wedding fit do you see how smitten this guy is?" Yeosang interjected, posing a counter.

"Yeah and that is what scares me, I am barely keeping all of you guys under control and if this guy also goes off into a different orbit then I am actually going to be in a permanents crisis."

"Hongjoong you already are in a crisis... like all the time..." Yeosang was ready to fire this fine morning.

"And I am going to go into a melt down if Seonghwa is also gonna be out of it. My guy, if you crack and start sneaking out on top of spending so much time hell knows where I will actually lose my marbles, I need at least one responsible adult with me."

"Can I invite her over then? She'll be the responsible adult." Seonghwa quipped, stopping his swiping on one of his favourite photos of you, where you were concentrated on attaching a particularly small piece.

"Dude that is kind of..."

"Really she is so awesome. If anything, I would kick everybody else out." Seonghwa joked, though immediately apologised under his breath out of fear of getting the notorious slap of justice.

"Then what's the point?" Hongjoong was confused at the older member's logic.

"Well if you don't want me out of the dorms, that's my solution."

"I don't want you to be fully out of it, that's my point."

"Out of what?"

"The sigma grindset, maybe?"

"Bruh what even. Hypocrisy at its finest. Plus you yourself said she is responsible and an absolute legend." Seonghwa was not on board with the captain's attempts at stopping him. It only made him want to continue meeting up with you even more.

"That she is. I actually googled her not too long ago. Damn, she is... SMART. Have you seen how many sciency papers she wrote? And they are in journals!?" now that came to Seonghwa as a surprise. Although he knew a lot more about you in the personal sense, and enjoyed learning about your hobbies and interests, he had never fully dived into the work you did as he had deemed it above him, thus not a point of focus.

"Wait really? I did not look into that part, since I-"

"No you really have to take a look, it's crazy. If you think that her channel is intense with info, this is next level. Those papers lost me at the title."

And so, Seonghwa looked. And looked some more. Tried to read. Pretended to understand or at least skim and appreciate even though it made him progressively more miserable and planted seeds of doubt and ridiculous conclusions that he was somehow 'inadequate'. And on your subsequent dates, Seonghwa became more and more preoccupied with appearing 'smarter', rather than fully being himself. He wanted to be more academic with you, feeling like that was what you deserved. As days turned into weeks, he found himself regularly looking at your work, reminding himself that he would never be able to achieve this, and regarding you as someone out of his league. He was prone to self-doubt, and here, out of the blue, all fuses were blown and all alarms triggered. The final straw was when a student, younger than both of you, who was doing a research placement at the institute, gave you a call, and Seonghwa could understand virtually NOTHING that was said aside from hello and goodbye even though he was pretty sure all had been in Korean. He wanted to shut down. He could not imagine keeping up.

Thankfully, you knew a thing or two about stars and could tell when they started to shine a little less brightly.

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