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who’s the best kisser out of the dteam
whoever asked this wants me dead. i'm assuming it's char. who's the best kisser? dream. i think it's dream. he has that terrible terrible confidence of someone who's gonna be a shit head on purpose. he seems like the type to pull away just to smile and make u follow. he also seems like the type to wrap his fucking octopus limbs around you to make sure you don't go anywhere. torture. however. who do i wanna kiss the most? sapnap. he seems like if you bit him he would melt into a puddle on the floor and i wanna find out if that's accurate. i don't think he's necessarily a good kisser though i think he's more like that del water gap lyric "touch me like you know me, baby when you're lonely kiss me on my open mouth" just a very lazy kisser btw listen to del water gap <3
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tell me which on i am. yes this is a threat /j
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curiosity
1.7k words
+18, minors dni
technoblade smut
size kink
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snow sight
1.5k words
SFW, minors can interact
philza fluff
self hate, reader feeling like/describing themselves as a burden, description of eye pain (in the form of snow blindness)
A voice called your name. You barely heard, continuing to build the wall along your automatic farm project. You’d been out in the tundra all day, waking up extra early with the new build lighting up your mind from the moment you opened your eyes.
Exhaustion weighed heavily on your muscles, the cold from the snow and the heat from your heavy winter clothes mixing in a horrific clash of senses. You’d had a headache for Gods knew how long, your vision had begun to blur as the sun’s glare off the snow reflected into your eyes.
A voice called your name, accompanied this time by a hand on your shoulder. You startled from the sudden contact, looking up into the eyes of your boyfriend. He was blurry at first, the stinging pain in your eyes coming into your consciousness full force as Phil pulled you from your hyperfixation.
“Hey babe..” You smiled, putting the spruce planks you’d been using back into your inventory. Your grip shook as you tried to unblur your sight, finally sliding the stack of planks into an empty spot. You saw Phil frown, knowing he was taking in your lack of goggles or your regular winter gloves.
“You didn’t come in for lunch, it’s almost sunset.” Phil gently fit your goggles over your head, placing the item over your eyes. Almost immediately, the stinging sensation from the snow’s reflection died down, becoming an annoying memory as Phil pulled you to stand.
Almost sunset? You had no idea you’d been out so long, your farm project stealing your sense of time right out from under your feet. You gave him a shrug and a lopsided smile.
“I didn’t have breakfast either, so..” Your joking tone died at the sight of his disapproving frown only getting worse, his gloved hand finding your freezing fingers and locking them with his own, turning back towards his cabin.
“Alright, that’s it, inside time,” You whined and made no move to pull your hand away from his, kicking through the snow like it had personally wronged you.
“Phiiiilll…. I was almost done!”
“Nope, inside time.” You knew he would probably just carry you if you resisted, and a bit of rest for your eyes did actually sound great.
Once inside the cabin he sat you down on his crafting table, rolling his eyes at the playful grin you gave him at his choice of resting spot.
You didn’t remove your goggles, enjoying the shaded view they cast over your vision. Phil returned a few moments later with a water flask, a swirling pink potion, and a plate of still warm food. Your stomach let out a fierce grumble, heat rising to your cheeks as Phil gave you another of his disapproving frowns. He was good at that, speaking entire conversations with a single expression.
He set the food and water aside, fitting himself between your legs and reaching to remove your goggles.
As he pulled the item off your face, you noted that your vision had cleared up a little already, and that most of the cabin’s windows had been shut, leaving the slivers of dying sun that slipped through the gaps in the shades and the warm glowing light of nearby lanterns.
Phil gently cupped your cheek, tilting your head side to side as he inspected your face.
“Snow blindness.” His tone dripped with worry and the ever present tinge of dismay he held when you weren’t taking care of yourself. You gave him a soft shrug, unable to tear your eyes away from the glittering lapis blue your boyfriend held in his gaze.
“I didn’t even think about bringing these..” You gently flicked your goggles from where they sat. “I was too excited.”
“I know.” His tone shifted into something softer, gentle and loving as he offered you the regen pot. You took it, shaking it gently in your hand and watching the contents swirl faster as you avoided the bitter taste you knew filled the bottle.
Phil watched with a playful smile, thumb rubbing over your cheek. “It’s not going to fix you up if all you do is stare at it.” You pouted at him, leaning into his gentle hold on your face.
“It tastes so bad, babe. Don’t make me..” You gave him your best puppy eyes, stopping after only a few moments at the still persistent sting. Annoyed at the pain, you took a deep breath and took a swig out of the bottle, your face twisting as the bitter liquid slid down your throat.
You made a noise of distaste, handing the bottle back to Phil with another pout. “There, tyrant, are you happy?”
Phil shook his head and set the bottle aside, chuckling softly at your antics as he offered you the water flask.
“I’m going to put the rest of this away,” He picked up the half empty potion bottle. “And that is half full. I want it empty by the time I get back.” He stepped away, walking through the door onto the shared bridge of you and Techno’s homes.
You stared balefully at the water flask, feeling your mood sink. You weren’t upset with Phil, not by any stretch of the imagination, more so that you’d gotten to the point where you were making him care for you, burdening him with your lack of self care.
You unscrewed the lid of Phil’s flask, taking a drink of water tainted bittersweet by your emotions.
By the time Phil returned you’d drained the water, flask set to the side while you pitifully picked at the plate of food he had given you several minutes ago. Your emotions had only continued to spiral in his absence, a dark pit filling up your stomach
“What’s wrong?” He was always so attuned to how you felt.
“Nothing..” You stuffed your mouth with a large bite, head drooped as if you could avoid the way Phil turned to face you. He spoke your name quietly, resting his hands on your thighs when he was close enough to touch you.
“I’m sorry.. I feel like such a burden on you.” You spoke truthfully, feeling a tingling in your eyes that had nothing to do with the regen potion’s effects. “You’re here, taking care of me because I was too useless to do it myself, and I pushed away my health and got too excited about my project and I-” You felt guilt and self hate overwhelm you, tears starting to drip from your eyes as you dropped your chin against your chest, not wanting Phil to see you cry.
“I don’t even know why I feel like this all of a sudden. It’s so stupid.” You felt ridiculous, whimpering like a little kid over your ridiculous emotions.
“Oh, songbird..” Phil cupped your face in his hands, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. With gentle thumbs he wiped your tears away, unbothered by the fresh flood that came dripping onto his hands. “You’re not a burden, sweet thing. I’m taking care of you because I want to. I like looking after you, it makes me feel good to know I can help you. Knowing you trust me enough to let your guard down and let me take care of you is one of the best feelings in the world, love.” You sniffled and closed your eyes, your head leaning into one of his palms. “And you might feel like this because you’ve been pushing yourself to the bone all day, with no food or water, and probably not a lot of sleep last night.” He was right, as always. You’d spent most of the night thinking about fun ways to upgrade the efficiency of your farm, and once you’d finally gone to sleep you’d woken up early anyway to get to work. You nodded against his touch, pressing a teary kiss against his wrist and muttering a quiet apology. You felt silly now, having let your emotions get the better of you and make you make a fool of yourself in front of your boyfriend.
Phil gently shushed your apology and put your picked-at plate aside, effortlessly lifting you up into his arms. You tucked yourself closer against his chest and felt plenty of the stress you were weighing on yourself disappear as Phil walked the two of you towards the bedroom. He set you on the bed, disappearing for only a few seconds to grab your plate and set it on the nightstand. You kicked off your shoes as Phil stoked the fire in your bedroom, tossing your pajamas on the bed next to you.
Less than five minutes later you were both tucked into bed, Phil’s arm wrapped snugly around your shoulders as you finished up the food he’d made for you.
When your plate was clean Phil kissed your forehead, keeping you close as you both laid down and extinguished the lanterns. The crackling fire across the room was still giving some light, the heat it was providing kept the two of you comfortable as you dozed off in each other’s embrace. After the day you had, you could really use some rest.
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bit late to the thought party but bruhh been thinking about c!techno and praise kink. the way he holds your face when youre stretched out on his cock, still adjusting to the size while he spews praise and sweet nothings -Ra
Ra my beloved thought party never ends and this is a wonderful thought
The fuckin. Intimacy of him helping you adjust to him, so amazed and infatuated with you and tenderly caressing your whole body as you work yourself full of him…. Calling you pretty, his perfect lover, praising you for taking him so well even though he’s so big. Not a second went by that you didn’t feel two distinct things; the welcome stretch in your lower half and loved and adored by technoblade. Physical and mental pleasure washed over you in waves, turning you into a whining mess under your doting lover.
When you finally reached the end of his length you shuddered in tandem, and his eyes flickered between your gaze and the spot you connected for the briefest moment before burning into your eyes and moving his large hands to gently cup your cheeks and jawline before placing a tender kiss on the lips. His lips and pointed lower tusks lingered against your soft lips for a moment before drawing back and letting out the most contented sigh you had heard in all your time of knowing him.
“Beautiful…” rumbled from his chest, drawing a darker flush to your cheeks from the sheer love dripping off of the word. “So beautiful, my perfect partner, how did I get so lucky?” You tried to interrupt him with something about how you were the lucky one but he interrupted you, seemingly too determined to turn your already soft heart to mush. “Look at you, my little star, you did so perfect taking me all. You were made for me, even if you’re just a precious little thing,” he pauses to leave another kiss on your lips, “thank you my love, you’ve been so good for me.”
As he began to slowly rock his hips against yours, a single thought flitted through your mind. If things were already this good and you had only gotten this far, you had a long and amazing night ahead of you.
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Technosimping’s 1k Raffle

Thank you all for a thousand followers!!! To celebrate I’ll be holding a little raffle for you guys!
All you have to do is reblog this post and be following me! Doing so will automatically enter you into the raffle. The raffle will close and the winner will be chosen on October 15th
There will be three prizes: one full fic for the first prize winner, and two drabbles for second and third place. These fics can be whatever you’d like; angsty, spicy, fluffy, whatever!
Thank you all for a thousand followers and so much support, and good luck!!!
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i do suck 😏
damn... gonna make me act up
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Ask Him
Pairing: Poly!DT x Reader
Word count: 2.8K
Warnings: NSFW, degradation, ignoring, safeword use (calling yellow)
My triumphant return! hope you like it :)
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what is a spar if not a dance with just slightly more tension? anyway, sparring with Eret in the castle halls, banter light and almost playful as blades clash. you, however, lose yourself in the grace of their form, and it's enough for them to catch you off-guard and leave you pinned to the wall, swords dropping to the ground before you're pulled into a searing kiss and fucked against the wall
Please it has been so long since I got this ask I’m so sorry but this has been living rent free in my brain as much as it has been in my inbox jfjdjfj, GOD this checks all the boxes. Playful banter? Rising tension as swords clash, a friendly spar charged with something so much more? The adrenaline from the physicality, from how close the steel comes to your skin, mixing with the adrenaline of being so close to them? It all coming to a head with someone against the wall, determination and competition giving way to something much more enticing?
Eret’s always managed to look so graceful, their body sure and smooth in their movements as they tie up their skirt and swing their sword. You have to take a moment to breathe, to center yourself and look away from just how fine they look in their dress, how their confident smirk shoots straight through your heart, sends butterflies where you really shouldn’t have butterflies right now. You shed your own outer coat and unsheathe your sword, before charging forward.
Your own drive to win soon takes over your distractions, though you can still feel the charged energy. It’s in the banter you share, little jabs and jokes that end up being far more suggestive than a casual spar should have. It’s in every slash and footfall, as you expertly meet each other with every slash and parry. Truly, as you say, what is a spar if not a dance with raised tension?
Eret’s a master at this dance - people always seem to forget that though they avoid conflict, though they’re more often seen building, though they wear fine clothes and lounge with a crown on their head, they were once a soldier. Their steps are confident, their movements precise, and though battle is meant to be something so messy and aggressive, they make it a dance. It’s far too easy for you to get lost in their movements, activating autopilot as you admire how their body follows through with each action.
Autopilot is not a good mode to operate on, when sparring with your king. It isn’t long before your defense breaks, and they press the advantage, knocking you back against a wall. Your bring your sword up for one last attempt, but it’s all too easy for them to pin your wrist against the wall and bring their sword up to rest against your throat.
“I win,” they murmur, voice low enough you feel it in your chest, and there’s a single beat of silence before they drop their sword to the ground and grab at your collar, pulling you towards them for a passionate kiss. You meet them halfway, dropping your own sword to clatter against the stone, all feeling of competition igniting into arousal and need.
They don’t take the time to drag you inside, but you can’t find it in you to care - the way they fuck you hard and deep against the wall is much more satisfying. The hand holding your wrist moves to intertwine your fingers as your eyes roll back - any banter is long gone as Eret makes it their intention to make you forget anything but the wall and their name.
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curiosity
1.7k words
+18, minors dni
technoblade smut
size kink
It started as curiosity. You'd tried on Techno's cloak just to see what it was like.
Your lover was still asleep, gentle rumbling snores coming from under the mass of blankets you used to keep out artic chill.
It wasn't a rare occasion to wake up before Techno, but it was strange for him to stay so deathly asleep while you moved around the cabin.
You stared at yourself in the mirror, turning to either side to see what you looked like. The fur lined cloak was thick, heavy material putting weight on your shoulders that you weren't used to. It was long, too. The cloak was on the floor and then so, bringing to light how short you were compared to Techno.
Huh, and you thought you were tall.
An idea sprung into your head while you looked into the mirror, a golden twinkle catching your eye as you examined yourself.
The crown was in your hands and on your head in seconds and you were back at the mirror, feeling equally silly and powerful in your boyfriend's gear.
"What do you think you're doin'?"
You startled, locking eyes with Techno through the mirror. He had a tired smirk on his face, hair still lightly tousled. Immediately you were filled with warmth, lost for a moment in the love you felt.
"Trying out a new style," Was your response, doing a short twirl in your getup. You nearly tripped over the excess cloak, laughing as you caught yourself. "what do you think?"
Techno groaned softly, stretching his arms over his head.
"You look good. A little small, maybe-"
"Oh, shut it. I'm taller than most." You got into this playful argument with him often, mostly as a way to trade quips back and forth when you didn't know what else to say.
Techno had gotten out of bed at this point, pulling a shirt over his head and waking over to you to pull the cloak off your shoulders. He kissed your forehead as he wrapped it around himself, a large hand cupping your cheek as he pulled back.
"Still shorter than me." You rolled your eyes, following him down the ladder so you could start your day.
It took you a few minutes to realize he'd left you with his crown.
That night you were back in bed, curled up against Techno's side while he read a book and absently pet your hair.
You were almost asleep from his gentle ministrations when he flicked your ear, making you give him the evil eye.
"Sorry darlin', you just looked so cute."
"So you decided to fuck with me?"
"Yup." You shook your head fondly, twisting to the side so you could rest your chin on his chest.
"I'm bored."
"Go to sleep then." You squinted at Techno, watching the corner of his mouth perk up slightly. Your boyfriend had an excellent poker face, except when it came to you.
"I can think of other ways to pass the time." Your voice dropped slightly as you lidded your eyes. Techno made eye contact for a few seconds, eyebrow raising as he turned back to his book.
"And what would that be?" You knew you'd convinced him by the tone of his voice, your hand pushing his book to the side while you sat up and slid into his lap. You leaned over, pulling a small vial of oil from inside the bedside table and setting it down on the surface.
"Oh, you know..." Your arms came up to rest on his shoulders, locking your fingers behind his neck. "I'm sure you could figure it out."
You were jostled slightly as Techno spread his legs, hands on your hips as he pulled your bodies together with a soft groan of contemplation.
"Enlighten me anyway." His voice was starting to turn growling, it was almost an effort not to shudder. You leaned in, ghosting your breath over his lips.
"I want you to take care of me, Tech..."
"I can do that." He leaned in the extra centimeter to connect your mouths, locking them in the perfect way you'd only ever felt with him.
His hands roamed down from your hips to your thighs, going back along your body to cup your ass. You slid one of your hands into his hair, the other pulling back to cup his face while you made out. It was a slow, tired kind of dance, tongues tangling by the light of a few candles.
"Mnh, Tech..." You pulled back and reached down, fingers undoing his trousers just enough to pull him free and stroke the thick cock in your palm. Techno groaned, leaning over your grip to start placing kisses on your neck. His tusks rubbed against the sensitive skin, your hair standing on edge as you continued to slowly stroke him.
"Aren't I supposed to be taking care of you?" He asked in between kisses and soft bites.
"I mean-" You were cut off as he flipped you, making short work of removing your shorts. They were technically his, stolen by you long ago for something to sleep in.
Techno grabbed the oil off the bedside table, slicking his fingers while you watched with anticipation.
"I can take two-" You purred, spreading your legs a bit more. "Let's speed this up."
Your lover chuckled as he teased your hole, slipping two thick fingers in. You groaned softly, head dropping back onto Techno's pillow as his skillful fingers worked to take you apart.
He dragged his fingers in and out of you slowly, torturously so. You whined softly, hips grinding down on his hand as you sought out more stimulation.
"Technooo..."
"C'mon sweet thing. Stay still." You whined again, feeling pleasure light up your nerves as Techno crooked his fingers, slowly rolling over the bundle of nerves inside you. You stayed still, his voice rolling around your head.
He continued to tease you until your head felt light, your hands gripping the sheets below you as you struggled not to move. He had four fingers in you now, making sure you were well prepped to take him.
"God- Techno, please." You curled your toes, trying so hard not the start grinding your hips against the fingers driving you absolutely crazy.
"Well, if you're going to ask so nicely." You felt the loss of his fingers, barely having the time to mourn the feeling before his cockhead was pressing at your hole.
"Are you sure you're-"
"Techno I love you so much but if you don't get in me right now I'm going to finish myself off without you."
He growled at that, rolling his hips just enough to breach your entrance. You grabbed his shirt to pull him down for a kiss, resuming your heated makeout from earlier as Techno slowly pushed into you.
Once your lover had bottomed out, you dropped from the kiss. You panted softly, drawing in breaths while you adjusted from the size of him.
"You're always s-so tight." Techno had his face pressed into your shoulder, hips still while he waited for the go ahead.
"And you're not getting any smaller.." You mumbled softly, hips twitching. "Move, Tech- please." He followed your order before you were finished speaking, pulling out slowly before thrusting back in. You let out a choked moan, feeling his cock make it's path through your insides.
"Fuck you're- you're so big." You were starting to lose your thoughts again, the blissful void welcoming you. Techno bit your shoulder, his hips moving faster.
With Techno's size, it was impossible for him not to grind against that bundle of nerves inside you with each thrust. Your vision was filled with stars, wanton moans leaving your lips with each little movement from your lover. He wasn't in much better shape, groaning against your skin in between sharp bites and darkening hickies left on your skin.
His pace quickened to a brutal speed, his hands grabbing your hips to keep you from being bumped up with each thrust. His hands were so large compared to your waist, he could wrap his grip around your hips and pull you down on his cock. You clawed at the sheets, pleasured cries falling from your lips as you felt yourself climb towards the edge.
"Techno- fuck, Techno, god!" He went back to attacking your skin with bites and kisses, the sharp pricks of pain enhancing your sensations.
"I'm close, I'm so close-" He nodded against your skin, forehead resting on your collar as he drove himself home over and over, filling you so incredibly full. His eyes opened and he let out a broken groan, grabbing one of your hands and putting it on your stomach. You were confused until the next thrust, when you felt him through your stomach.
You clenched down on Techno's dick, wailing out his name as you came. He wasn't far behind, fucking you through your orgasm and just over the edge of overstimulation before his hips jerked and stilled, warmth filling your insides.
The two of you soaked in the afterglow together, exchanging lazy kisses while Techno continued to fill you with cum.
"You always cum so much.." You mumbled softly, petting through his hair. He shrugged, voice muffled from where he was pressed against your skin.
"You like it." You nodded and let out a soft purr. Techno began to shift, pulling out of you and getting onto his knees, eyes dark as he watched his cum dribble out of you.
"We're going to have to change the sheets.." You groaned, putting a hand over your eyes.
"Tomorrowww...Lay with me."
Techno said your name softly, shaking his head at your playfully over the top whine that followed before getting up off the bed and grabbing his pants. He disappeared down the ladder, so you took your que to fall asleep. Once again, you were almost out before the feeling of a warm, wet cloth brought you back into the world.
Techno was gently cleaning your skin, starting with the bite wounds he'd left on your collar and neck before moving down, dipping the cloth in a small bowl of warm water before moving between your legs. You were still sensitive, hips squirming a little as he cleaned you. He chuckled softly, patting your hip when he was finished and going to the window to dump the bowl out into the snow below.
The candle he'd been using to read earlier was extinguished and you felt Techno's large form dip your side of the bed. You curled into his chest, enjoying the heat your lover naturally gave off as you finally drifted off into sleep.
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