sunsetandregrets - Tumblr blog

[sunsetandregrets]

I will be no longer apologetic for the things that I cannot control.

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so i lost my virginity to the guy i met month ago. We are still fucking, but we never ever stated what we are. I will say we are just fuck buddys and there is a little hope that we will be closer. Fml

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GUUURL, dropping him off was the best part!!!

Tumblr! I need advice!!

Okay, so here is some background info.

I met this guy via Facebook Dating because it’s the way of the future and shit. Anyways it was around late October/early November. We chatted there for about a month and it was going pretty good.

Anyways, before we had exchanged numbers, I had sent him a link to my Facebook to become friends there first. Mainly so I can investigate. Nothing. No response to that. No friending on Facebook happened. So I asked to exchange numbers. Me. He didn’t ask. I brought it up. So we exchanged numbers and the texting continued.

There was a period of time in November where I felt like he ghosted me. Like straight up no contact for a couple weeks. Then he texts me out of the blue. I told him I was beginning to think he had ghosted me. He told me a story of how his phone got smashed in his car door. I believed it because why not. Even though I was thinking “didn’t he have a laptop? That he could message me on Facebook dating from?” But then maybe not, since most people are smartphone oriented these days.

We chatted for a week or so after that and then nothing. And then he tells me that he was sick and in the hospital. I think, “well okay...COVID maybe...”. My gut was saying “nah girl” but my need to believe that people won’t lie to me said “hey, who knows!” Granted I was thinking why couldn’t he text me that earlier.

Okay, so let me lay down some bullet points

He would never text me on the weekends, he did that like once (even though when I asked him about his weekend, he would say something like he just sat on the sofa and watched tv all day)

I had asked him twice (two separate times with time between each) if he wanted to hang out or meet up and I got NOTHING in response to that. Straight radio silence and when he did eventually text back, he never brought it up. No offer to video chat instead (which I would’ve been cool with).

He would frequently bring the conversation back around to sex, which was NEVER going to happen because we hadn’t even met up for a proper first date. It was all hypotheticals.

He would bring up how big he was...like dick size. Honestly, the other day I was thinking bruh, until I see it for myself, it can be a toothpick for all I know.

So my bestie was like “girl he may be cat fishing you”, which I had thought about. Granted he had sent me some selfies, but even those look like they could’ve been taken off of someone’s Facebook profile pic album ya know. And they took a little time to arrive, I found myself wondering if he was searching for one.

I frequently initiated conversation, until this past week or so when I went radio silent to see if he would text me. He eventually did but didn’t carry the conversion. By this point I am tired of being the one to initiate conversation and ask questions. He didn’t seem interested but more like probing to see if I would still respond ya know.

So tonight (it’s currently 1am as I type this), after two hours of searching google to see if ghosting someone is okay (conclusion: yes and no, it depends on the situation honestly). I decided I didn’t want to ghost him, but I did want to sever contact. So I sent him the following message:

“I don’t want to ghost you, since I’m not that kind of person. However, I don’t want to waste your time either. I’ve been doing some thinking for the last few weeks and honestly, I’m not that interested in dating. This has nothing to do with you, truly. I just don’t think I’m ready for any sort of relationship right now. I’m sorry if this disappoints you.”

And then I blocked and deleted the number (for iPhone it will stay blocked even if the contact is deleted). I blocked him because I want to avoid confrontation and I feel like the above explanation should be sufficient.

We were not dating since this never went beyond text after 4-5 months. He never once asked me to meet up, I did the asking and he never responded or acknowledged that.

What I want to know is, does anyone else see the red flags I saw? I feel bad for just cutting things off but I feel like this won’t go anywhere and will ultimately be a waste of time. Plus I am honestly no longer interested in the dating game right now.

[sunsetandregrets]

Going on a first date? Make sure you tell the other person "no" to something. Can be small or large. Their response to being told "no" is what you're looking for, because it will tell you a lot about how they view your autonomy and how they view consent.

Are they angry? Red flag 🚩

Do they push or insist on their own way? 🚩

Do they try to coerce or guilt trip you? 🚩

Do they ignore your "no" or belittle it? 🚩

Apply this test liberally until you are satisfied.

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House of the Unions, Moscow | elenakrizhevskaya

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~ Use these affirmations for a healthy growth-focused mindset regarding finances ~

💰💸 My bank account is overflowing with an abundance of money.

💰💸 My income is multiplying tenfold every month.

💰💸 I am magnet to wealth and luxury.

💰💸 Luxury is easily and effortlessly drawn to me.

💰💸 I have a healthy relationship with money.

💰💸 I am comfortable and happy to spend the money that I have, thus attracting even more wealth through my joy of spending it.

💰💸 I am very good with money.

💰💸 I understand that all resources of the universe are infinite and as a divine being of the universe I too am infinitely deserving of its wonderful resources.

💰💸 I understand that money is merely a currency for energy, I am an amazing being of high value and as such deserve the best the universe has to offer.

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8 Dating Commandments Of The High Value Woman

With so many women awakening to their true potential and value, it’s the perfect time to reassess your dating approach. By following these dating commandments of the high value woman, you can make sure that you’re not wasting your time, giving chances to the wrong men, sabotaging yourself from the beginning, or crossing your own boundaries.

Yes, it’s easier said than done, but the sooner we learn to incorporate these rules, the sooner we will unfamiliarize what holds us back, and familiarize what uplifts us.

A healthy relationship is one where you make your high standards clear, and accept nothing less than what you deserve. Furthermore, a healthy relationship is one where your partner meets you at your level and then goes above and beyond, because when someone loves you, they want to give you the whole world. But until then, you have to be clear with yourself and everyone else on what caliber of relationship you want. Here’s how to make sure that happens.

1. Bolt at the first red flag

Yes, you’ve read that right. “Surely you don’t mean the FIRST hiccup?”, you may be thinking. And darling, yes I do! There has never ever been a time when I witnessed a red flag while dating, overlooked it, and proceeded to have a great relationship regardless.

Most often the red flags only become worse or multiply, they never disappear or decrease. People are who they are, it doesn’t mean they are bad people – it just means they’re bad for you. Certainly there is room for improvement and self development, but that change must come from that person, and it is inner work and soul therapy that they have to do themselves (before entering dating stage for a healthy relationship).

And most importantly… Ladies, my dear ladies, it’s not your job to play therapist! I cannot emphasize this enough. The only person who should baby and coddle a man is his mother. There are no two ways about this. To clarify, a red flag means a dealbreaker. This is generally subjective to each person, but there are also things that apply to any relationship and should go without saying: any kind of abuse – physical, mental, emotional; disrespecting boundaries; general disrespect, the list goes on.

So when you encounter red flags while dating someone, this means 1) they’re not healthy for YOU, 2) they don’t prioritize the things which are essential to you, 3) they don’t have the same emotional maturity that you do, which leads back to point 1.

2. Only date financially stable or wealthy partners

This seems to be a controversial topic for some reason, but I’ll set this argument straight in case you’re still conflicted about your stand.

You believe you deserve to be happy, right? You believe you deserve the best, right? Then it should go without saying, you deserve to have the best of both worlds – love and financial security! Why shouldn’t you? Why would anyone say no to… Read more

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27 Red Flags of Low Value Men (LVM)

In previous articles, we have established what constitutes a High Value Woman, the dating commandments of a High Value Woman, and the most common obstacles that hold us back from implementing such dating strategies. But in order to replace our toxic dating habits with healthy ones, it is equally important to have a clear understanding on the difference between a High Value Man (upcoming articles on that next) and a Low Value Man.

Remember, this system of values is not about qualities that people are born with. It is not something outside our power that we have either inherited or not. Instead, this system of values is something that we all develop for ourselves, choose for ourselves, create for ourselves. It is about values, beliefs and principles. It is about priorities, morals and mindset. It is about good manners, empathy and emotional intelligence. And that is the responsibility of each and every individual.

And if you hold yourself to high standards, you should absolutely do the same to everything else in life, especially a partner!

Here are the most common red flags of a Low Value Man, so you don’t have the learn the hard way…

1. Love bombing

Too much committment, too much adoration too soon is a tell-tale sign something is off. It can be a marker of insecurity, of unhealthy idealism or obsession. It can also mean they don’t actually see you for who you are, but are infatuated with an idea, an ideal, a fantasy. Not a crime by itself, but it foretells a relationship that will lack a stable, healthy foundation. Instead it will be a relationship built on how you make him feel, on what the idea of you means to him. Is that the kind of man you want to be with, or the kind of relationship you want to be in?

2. Future faking

The escalation of lovebombing. Just months, weeks or evend days in, he will already be discussing engagement and marriage and kids, and paint a fairytale fantasy with such dedication that you may wonder if it’s too good to be true.

Such soulmate stories are certainly possible. However, if he promises the sun, moon and stars (which is all great) right off the bat, and other issues start popping up one after another, you should be on high alert! Other red flags can be: inconsistent behaivor, blowing hot/cold, his words (all beatiful fairytales) not aligning with his actions (not actually showing interest in your passions, aspirations, goals, not actually listening to you, making you cry on multiple occasions and lacking empathy in his reaction to it, etc), and any of the ones below.

3. Gaslighting

First, let’s review what gaslighting actually means: “Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves.” – Medical News Today

To exemplify, he may gaslight you by saying phrases like…

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” (invalidating your feelings)

“It’s just in your head.” (making you question your ration and discernment)

“You’re overreacting.” (downplaying your feelings)

“You shouldn’t be upset/affected by this.” (trying to control your feelings or tell you how you should feel)

Someone who exhibits gaslighting behaviour needs therapy, and will never make you feel truly safe or be beneficial for your wellbeing (and mental health) until they have sorted through their issues.

4. Lacking interest

If they’re not listening to you, if they’re not initiating interest in your day, hobbies, skills or interests; if they’re not congratulating or hyping your achievments and success; even worse, if he shows signs of envy over said achievements, and actively belittles or downplays them, in an unhealthy sense of insecurity and seeing you as competition (when in fact they should be on your team cheering for your success) . . . it’s time to take the hint. They don’t actually care about you.

5. No respect for boundaries

Disrespecting boundaries, challenging them, debating them, finding counter-arguments for them – if he does any of these things, he lacks basic respect or understanding for boundaries. He may say things like…

“Well you need to face your anxiety with ___ and just do it, then you’ll be fine”

“Come on, I know there’s chemistry between us, why follow some stupid traditions & old values instead of enjoying the moment?”

In either case, this is a person that believes anything is negotiable, including your feelings, thoughts, privacy and dealbreakers… Read more

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If a man says, he wouldn’t change his behavior if you ask him to and he likes himself just the way he is, it is a red flag. He lacks self awareness and accountability. Overall, a narcissist. Run for the hills!

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I go on a lot of first dates. I’m pretty decent at it too, the build-up, the texting, the meeting her there and making conversation. First dates are probably when I am the most neurotypical I’ve ever been, depression? Never heard of her. I tell the same jokes, I get the same laughter, this is the easy part.

Sometimes I go on second dates, some end in simple friendship, others I know I’ll never text again. My best friend told me: “It’s good to be picky. When you know, you know.” I’m not waiting for the stars to align, but I always figured things would feel “right” when it happened, if it happened.

But sometimes I pretend to be busy. Sometimes I let the conversation drop and never pick it up again. It’s exhausting to go on second dates or third ones, because the mirror gets less fogged up each time. It isn’t as fun once I’ve run out of playful stories and now the only thing left is to ask who I am.

Darling, I am only lovable the first time round. Let me go before the rest spills out.

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Do not entertain a man just because you are bored. Do not entertain a man just because you crave validation. Do not entertain a man just because you are lonely. Do not entertain a man just because you don't see better options at the time.

Only entertain men that you intentionally and mindfully want to know better, to spend time with, to allow space for in your life. Your energy is so incredibly precious, ladies. So powerful and potent, capable of creating anything. Don't throw it left and right because you're afraid of confronting your emptiness.