sunsets-coffee

[sunsets-coffee]

life update

hello my interweb friends! my niece took this photo last feb 2023.

🤍 i am now in a relationship. it's big for me since this is my first real relationship. ever. in my 25 years of existence, she finally got one.

there's a lot of things i dont know about relationships that i thought i knew. as a watcher, i kept telling myself "ah i'll be a strong independent woman, if he cant handle me, then leave" but its really broad and a lot to consider as well. that sort of thinking only condones women who cannot change their problematic behavior just because it's them. in this relationship, it wasn't smooth sailing. we were completely different and he came from a long term relationship and there's a fragment of that history that he brings into our table. all im trying to say, it is so much work. i care about him and seeing him putting in the work makes me strive to be a better partner.

ive been alone ever since. there are times i don't consider him to tag along to my whereabouts or buy him pasalubongs just because i am always with my family. it was a huge adjustment for me - to make time for him. in this ever busy life, it was tough. i tried telling him but my fear of disappointing everyone (yes its a trauma response) is always on the roof. until recently we talked about giving each other a heads up rather than stood us up.

we almost broke up. it was out of accumulated frustrations. :( but alas, we power thru.

right now, we are doing well. a long way to go, yes but i dont mind if its him. hehe

[sunsets-coffee]

Boracay

April 2022

It rained around the afternoon :c

[sunsets-coffee]

Leni-Kiko 2022

[sunsets-coffee]

-• wk 16

hit a PR this week 🥺 i really thought i’ll be starting all over again since ive been hiatus for 2 weeks! Been able to up my weights by 1.5kg. Another reason to continue on.

my brother is home from the province (he really hated it 😆) lol this week we’ve been going out for dinners after work.

rewatched taylor’s reputation stadium tour with some drinks on the side 😌 it’s been a while since i ever used my laptop?? It was collecting dust already. Also, it felt really nice vibing along the concert while in my PJs.

[sunsets-coffee]

the one reason i want to move out: to not witness my parents fighting and lashing at their children

ruins anyone’s day tbh

[sunsets-coffee]

hi friends

so, i’m talking to this guy. i actually enjoy his company. i like that he’s direct. I used to find it reckless because why isn’t he sugarcoating it? then it hits me that i was just used to hearing flowery words with no meaning at all.

another great thing is he actually gives you space - time to do your own thing. i don’t feel pressured to talk to him but i know i should show some effort that i am interested as well

i can’t tweet about this things bc my friends will see. not that i don’t trust them but i just want to keep this small part private for now.

[sunsets-coffee]

•- week 12

Me vs sleep s1e05 - gave in to my unhealthy habit of binge watching before going to bed. I already know the causes of my problems but I often ignore it.. as if there will always be an endless chance of fixing it. Self, b a k i t ?

The recent MOA cycling accident planted a mild trauma in me. I’ve been in the cycling scene for over 6 months now and hearing the news that an accident occured in a safe area was a shock to me. It’s infuriating and intimidating at the same time and who knows where the next accident will be? In the village? Even before cycling, it’s been a fear of mine to be on the road with no seatbelt nor a barrier to protect you. Once you get hit, you’re done for. These thoughts run through my mind every time i look at my bike.. i know that cyclists should ride in a wide spaced - bike friendly area like in Subic, Clark, Tarlac.. but again, accidents happens anywhere :< man, i sound like my mom now. I’ll let it pass until i am mentally and physically prepared to sit on the saddle again.

I’ve grown to be much more of an introvert now. I used to enjoy weekly hangouts but now….. i choose rest lol. I like being by myself on most days - i can finally strip myself naked from draining conversations and forced laughters. I do still keep in touch with my best friends from time to time.. they deserve the effort :)

Started watching Demon Slayer the other day. I knew this will get me hooked and look who’s the fool who stays up all night to binge watch?

Have a lovely hump day 🤪

[sunsets-coffee]

•- week 6

happy sunday my friends!

i think this is a good self care and mental practice to look back at what happened from the past week. i always find myself thinking that my week is boring but sometimes the little things brings out the most joy in my days.

[on cutting caffeine in the afternoon update]

- improved my sleeping schedule :) sleeping before 11 has been fairly easy.

[on working out]

- happy to report that i completed 3 days of working out - T-TH-F :)

- my goal is to workout in the morning (wake up @ 4 then work out @ 5.... i know this is way early haha! ok hear me out

i like ticking this "me time" off the list first thing. the small wins really makes a difference - forces me to show up every time.

next, i have a fair amount of time to actually take my time with my work outs. i don't like rushing in between sets. also, around this time, there are only 2 to 4 persons in the gym so everyone have the equipment for themselves - unless they're using the same thing! haha it rarely happens :)

can i just add that with working out, it's easy to give in to my cravings. i don't show any resistance since it will naturally make me miserable :c what i do however, i only take a bite if it's as small as donuts, cakes, etc - to somehow satisfy it. but if it's something like ramen / noodles - i give myself a bowl then i happen to not have any of it for a week or two. my biggest cravings are anything spicy. i know, bad for the appendix. but i swear.. it's a different level.

---

had a mini reunion with some of my college friends last night! this is actually the first time i ever did a zoom call that is not work-related. as you can see, i don't talk much with my closest friends on most days but when i do get the chance to hang out, it is more intimate and real :D with our mini reunion last night, we played some games and did a catch up with each others' lives. suddenly took me back to our sabaw crazy days in college. really missed them :)

---

🌱 progress is still progress! have a great week ahead :)

[sunsets-coffee]

This has week been dreadfully long and somehow insightful ? ?

[no afternoon coffee] i noticed i get to bed a bit early by not having my afternoon coffee. as a 2-cup coffee drinker, it’s difficult to cut a routine. I drink my coffee at 8-9ish AM then 2PM onwards for another one. I get crazy headeaches and overall a sluggish mood - a sign of withdrawal. However, i tried to fight the urge by chewing gums and drinking water.

[sleep before 11PM] as i get home, i shower, feed my dogs, dinner, and sleep. reducing one cup of coffee made me tired since 2PM so i can’t help but crave for my lovely bed.

—

Went to IKEA after work last Thursday. I suggest to go there full of energy since there will be a LOT of walking! First, I appreciate the mock-ups/showrooms for your ideal home. Next, how is it so cheap? Price range is really affordable for small to medium sized items. I own one of their desk table (PHP2700) for 2 years now and still in prestine condition - just curious about their pricing model. I know it is known for quality + affordable items but it could be in the expense of exploiting laborers? I need to dig deeper on this when i have the time haha!

Overall experience: go to the physical store only if you badly need the items. It’s better to order online tbh not only it saves you energy from all the walking, but it is less overwhelming when you can easily search in one tap.

[sunsets-coffee]

hi happy new 2022 🌱 🧧

life has been treating me good lately.. i find it suspicious. don’t worry, i’m pretty much prepared to whatever challenges / shortcomings / what have you to come.

went to the gym really early today. like 5AM early :D

last jan 2020 was actually the time i started hitting the gym consistently until lockdown happened. got back to it july 2020 until mar 2021 then lockdown again. got back to it july 2021 then my family tested positive around last week of aug 2021. became paranoid for 3 months. started cycling nov 2021 until to this day. and here we are, feb 2022 and finally going to the gym. :)

it’s not as consistent as i hoped back then.. but now that mostly everyone are vaccinated and the number of cases are decreasing, i think it’s possible now to continue the workout journey 💪

also, making a conscious effort to sleep before 11PM. in order to do it, no coffee in the afternoon! name a sadder story pls

by having a proper sleep schedule and fitness routine, it improves my mood, increases my focus and confidence. sure that there are studies out there proving it so I’m not going to cite na 😜

otw to work. have a great day :) or at least a safe one!

[sunsets-coffee]

the farm at san benito

nov 2021

[sunsets-coffee]

sanctuary

@ the farm at san benito

Nov 2021

[sunsets-coffee]

12/1/2021 1:30AM

i think this is the only space i can really jot down my feelings :/

its already december and looking back this year, it was okay.... 2021 revealed some of the deepest wounds i never knew i had - childhood traumas, relationships, overall my mental health declining

my mental health suffered the most this year. felt fatigue, disoriented, and hopeless. everyday, i'm just dragging myself to get through each day. recently, i get to hang out with some of my closest friends. i don't know why but it almost felt like i was already fine without them. i used to tell them everything but now, i cant muster up to say anything. i keep on asking myself why i feel what im feeling now.

doing craft works doesnt give me joy like it used to. i dont journal, create anything anymore. i am really tired on most days. i cant keep lying to myself.

my days are boring but im fine with that, only if i feel that sense of fulfilment / contentment.. but i dont.

[sunsets-coffee]

I swear this house is not my home anymore... just a place to eat and sleep. I just know i will be happier when i move out with my dogs one day. I don't want to go home feeling like its my fault why parents are mad? I don't want to go home feeling like i'm forgetting what "family" is when they are the same reason why i want to move out.

Honestly.. what the fuck is going on recently? Why the hell do i feel bad for choosing myself just because for my family it means being arrogant and an upright asshole?

[sunsets-coffee]

is it a common thing for asian filipino families to hinder their children to have their own life?

they always make u feel bad for having your own thing, more so the idea of moving out. i honestly kept on entertaining that thought for quite a while - to move out. i may live in our home rent free but it costs me my mental space and peace.

last night was one of those moments i just want to get the hell out of here. hearing meaningless words from my parents surely dug into my skin.

my mom told me just because i'm working, i have the right to be an asshole. she defines this word as not meeting her demands anymore, not being able to drop everything to do what she pleases. haha. growing up, i often put my parents first because we should, right? until recently that i realize it's the byproduct of years of manipulation.

"siguraduhin mong magtatagumpay ka."

yeah i will.

[sunsets-coffee]

- heal from the trauma. learn to accept and appreciate sweet gestures without thinking u should repay them for that

i realise i get hella anxious when someone does those things and immediately want to abort and leave them. i guess this is the childhood trauma i need to heal from. i often feel like i owe them for that, instead of thinking they did that because they love and appreciate me.

one step at a time, michelle.

[sunsets-coffee]

☁️ 1st dose yesterday

☁️ yes yah bet ur ass i bought the bts meal! Haha tho yeah it is expected that these are regular items but its the theme that sold me

☁️ been working from home for more than a month now due to someone having covid in the officez my job requires me to be physically in the office 🥲🥲 i meaaan i am thankful that i have the means to work from home but it still stresses me out to work longer hours

☁️ just my 2 cents on anti vaxxers, tbh whats the matter with these people?? they're the same people who wanted the vaccine immediately then suddenly pulling back?? and for what? to spread more virus? just fuckin do your part i swear... i know this is entirely voluntary but in our case in the PH is crazy!!!! Ahhh idk man