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quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

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GOTCHA

LIKE A MOTH TO THE FLAME

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being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot

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Ploop ploop ploop

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i know all about allistic people. they really love loud sudden noises and bad textures

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stop reading tomes with the gnomes and come read a scroll with the ghoul

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the progression of the letters U -> V -> W feels like a pokemon evolution line

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"you gotta play with the cards you're dealt" WRONG. i play pot of greed which lets me draw two additional cards from my deck

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help my (17m) cat (??m) won’t stop calling my crush (18m) slurs because he’s trying to get a reaction from him on suspicion of him being the criminal we’re after

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@biastrafig

I like the idea of a Vulcan character who constantly does very reckless things so her human crewmates think she's strange but then she always has a logical explanation she delivers with absolute confidence.

"No, it was perfectly logical for me to jump out of the shuttle at that time. I had a breathing apparatus, and I was certain I could seal the subspace rift by hand before the Romulans opened fire. This was the only solution that would result in zero casualties. I might have died, but giving up is illogical."

She's known as one of the most fearless members of the crew.

Other Vulcans try not to acknowledge her.

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the whole "lipstick on a pig" thing makes no sense because the second we gave a pig access to makeup she became god's cuntiest soldier

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Bro, we are cooked. The knight that dogs the prince's shadow like a dark and silent wraith just knelt to press his forehead to the prince's hand. Yeah, now he's uttering a prayer whose recipient is ostensibly God but in reality is the deified version of the prince that exists only in his mind. Aaand the prince just caressed his cheek to preemptively grant him absolution. I gotta... I gotta get out of here.

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playing poker with my friend and he lays down a straight flush but it has two kings so i tell him that’s wrong but it’s pride month and the gay flush is allowed during this month

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Could yall stop shooting each other outside my window im trying to masturbate

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broooo did you seriously disturb my eternal rest & bring me back to this mortal coil just because my ancient enemy the eternal night has returned? after i sealed it away and everything? which one of you tampered with my binding runes 🙄