superbeelavaman

[superbeelavaman]

i don't care what u eat or how u cook but contrary to what every white millennial thinks the secret to making food taste good is not just adding too much garlic

[superbeelavaman]

This is a fucking great book but the cover makes it impossible to carry around in public

[superbeelavaman]

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

[superbeelavaman]

this emerged in my head when I was trying to drive

[superbeelavaman]

Bad idea: Age gap discourse but in a fantasy land where there's multiple races who have vastly different lifespans and life styles.

Is it wrong for a 27 year old human to date a 140 year old stone elf, considering most stone elves don't get out of diapers till their 30s?

Is it wrong for a 80 year old dwarf to date a two year old fire wisp, when fire wisps only live up to 5 years (between the eruptions) and have memories of their past lives, so in a way they're "born" at age 400,000+? That octogenarian dwarf is way younger than the fire wisp that's only physically younger than some of the socks the dwarf has!

Is it wrong for a chronomancer who was never born to date, well, anyone? They are zero years old and infinity years old and negative one hundred and seventeen years old all at once. They look like an old human, sure, with the long white beard and the wrinkly skin, but as far as anyone can tell, they've always looked like that. We've seen the cave paintings.

Is it wrong for a 30 year old lizardman (that's old in lizardman years) to date a human who is 60 years old in biological years (because of aging spells), 26 years old in lived-experience years, but only 13 years old in calendar years? (ie, they were born 13 years ago, but spent some of that time in sideways timelines, so they've lived more years than have passed in their home timeline?)

Is it wrong for a 12,000 year old dragon date a pile of 400 kobolds when kobolds only live like 10 years on average, but reach full maturity in one year? And if you disagree, can you do anything about it? You do know what happened to the last policeman who tried to arrest a dragon, right? Their city is still smoldering, 50 years later.

Is it wrong for anyone to date the time worm? It's the same age, every year. So the age gap can only intensify. If you start dating the time worm when you're both the same age, when do you break it off because you've become too much older than them?

And most confusing of all... What about the fairies? They could be anything between a thousand and a day old, they would lie about their age either way, and they can look like whatever they want. There's fairies we know for a fact have been around since the founding of The City of Towers, who met the silent mother herself, and also look like they're at most ten years old. Is it wrong to date them, or just really uncomfortable for everyone who sees it? And on the other side there's fairies who are "born" (hatched? They come from plants, I'm not sure what the verb even would be. Seeded? Sprouted, maybe) this week who are already appearing like middle-aged men and dancing with widows in what looks like a scheme to run off with her fortune but they never take the money, because what would a fairy want with worthless metal discs? Maybe fairies have a hive mind or genetic memory or reincarnation with full memories, they'd never tell you or give you a straight (or consistent) answer anyway.

Stone golems are really the only inter-race dating situation anyone can agree on. They're unthinking & unmoving solid rock during the day, so those hours don't count. Thus their "real age" is a nice even half of their true age. So if you meet a stone golem who was dug out 30 years ago, watch out: that's a 15 year old, and if you're a 25 year human, that's too young for you, even though their dig-date is five years before your birth-date.

[superbeelavaman]

sex.exe is not responding

i know it's kinda the standard among robotfuckers to have visual/audio glitches and distortion coorellate to getting flustered and losing composure but i raise you: girl who just freezes and becomes barely functional like a shitty laptop with a dozen chrome tabs open whenever she gets worked up. gently pulling on her wires and she goes into a stuttery overheating state where she can only experience any of it in tiny bursts every 30ish seconds between her core systems not responding

[superbeelavaman]

My sister is doing pet play with women on roblox and I don’t have the heart to tell her it’s probably a kink for the others involved

[superbeelavaman]

you may think your only options are

but in fact you can

[superbeelavaman]

rule

[superbeelavaman]

doing important research on this fine sunday morning

[superbeelavaman]

NJ still has problems, they're just not the same problems we have

hey amtrak, quick question can u give us the empty template for ur pfp and do a competition of who can make u the best pfp

Okay, if you can make a good edit, you will win my admiration. I can't wait to see the results

[superbeelavaman]

I’m not sure exactly how to articulate it but—there is this bizarre base assumption i see from people discoursing about children’s media, and that’s the assumption that children are somehow unfamiliar with negative emotions. Like, maybe you’ve managed to completely forget your entire life before you turned eighteen, but kids spend a lot of time being hurt, and scared, and angry. A lot of people had terrible fucking childhoods, and a lot of kids are having terrible fucking childhoods right now. When i was a child, and i read books where bad things happened to kids, that was in no way shocking to me, i already knew bad things happened to children. It made me feel more connected to those stories, not less, and it made it more impactful when those child characters overcame it all in the end. That’s important for children. A lot of them are in desperate need of a little hope, and they aren’t going to get it from nothing stories with no conflict. They put conflict in children’s media for a reason

Also i see some of you handwringing over child protagonists going through, like, the most basic hero’s journey. Please, for the love of god, realize that you as an adult are going to understand children’s media differently than the actual kids it’s intended for. Because you’re all grown up now, you aren’t going to be able to relate to a child protagonist. You’re going to see a child in danger. The children the story is meant for are going to see a kid like them who is able to face hardship and triumph

[superbeelavaman]

[superbeelavaman]

today i learned that the fucking sims expansion that lets you be a landlord apparently adds a new death from mould and like, could that be any more on the nose

[superbeelavaman]

From the Perspective of That Which You Have Given Life

I feel something press on my head. I feel? I have never done that before. A voice echos out, I don’t know what it’s saying, but I know that it loves me. Love? I have never felt that before. The air around me is cold, is there any other way for it to be? I hope I find out. “What am I?” I ask, silently. Some kind of god says “You are alive, and that is all that matters.” Alive? I have never been alive before. I think it might be beautiful. I look out in front of me. I see- children, they are playing. One of them runs over to me, and puts their hat on my head. They press their hand on my cheek. Ah, that is what I felt first. This child, I think they made me. I think I might be glad. “Thank you, child” I say, silently, for I have no mouth. “I love you” says the child, with a smile and a pat on my head. The child leaves, someone called them away, and I look out into the world, above me the sky is grey, below me the ground is white. There are- trees, in the distance, green, with- snow on them. Snow is on the ground around me too. I think I might be made of snow. Does the snow on the ground know it is alive? Is it alive? “Hello?” I call to the snow. The snow does not call back. I hope it can hear me. An animal perches in front of me. It is the second most beautiful thing I have seen. The colour of the sky changes slowly. I learn another way for the air to be! It can be warm! The sky is blue now, and filled with bright, warm light. The sun shines its light on me, and I slowly fall apart. I am going to die. Die? I have never died before. But neither had I done anything else a short time ago. I am alive. I got to be alive. I hope the child doesn’t miss me. As my body melts away, one part melts slower than the rest. The child’s hat protects me, and as I think my final thought, I love them.

[superbeelavaman]

[superbeelavaman]

hey girl is that my penis in your pocket and how did it get there and could I have it back