superbutman

[superbutman]

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Yesterday

It seems like yesterday when I decided to leave the Philippines and move here to Australia. Though it has always been a rollercoaster decision, more like a to-and-fro kind of thing. I actually never thought I would really end up here. I prayed and planned for this for so long, but I was never sure of what was to come. Back then, I weighed things negatively and positively, until I came to the thought to push it forward, thinking that this was really a reasonable thing to do: leaving the country I grew up in and venturing into the unknown. All my life, I have been living under the same roof with my parents, meeting up with the same group of people, and doing the same things over and over. It was not hard, in fact, it was really quite easy—but back then, I thought I needed a change.

Honestly, while weighing the pros and cons, I was actually biased and dwelled more on the pros and the positive things it would result to. It was at this time last year when my heart was broken by many things in the Philippines. Several of these, I'll mention here, that only the closest people I know knew about. I was actually haunted by the shadow of the past. The emotional and psychological trauma I had back then, around the time during the pandemic when I received gaslighting and threats from someone I used to be so close to. I isolated myself from a lot of people, and no one really noticed since it was a pandemic. (Though before I left for Australia, I had already healed from that distress, thanks to God and the church family who, unaware, had been so helpful during that time.) But yeah, that is one reason why I thought going to Australia was a good thing.

Another reason is probably the longing to provide more for my aging parents. As I mentioned earlier, I have been living with them almost all my life in the PH, and as time goes by, I can see their needs increasing more and more. The thought of wanting to buy them a decent house, car, or just anything to make them comfortable made me want to pursue this plan. I grew up and saw their labors, and the thought of wanting the best for them motivated me as well.

Another, and probably the last reason why I pushed for it, is because of drifting friendships. I have a friend whom I treated as my own sister, and I saw our relationship drifting apart and slipping away. It was one of my biggest heartbreaks, and I wouldn't say I have already moved on until now. But I have accepted that people come and go, whether they are believers or not; they still drift. I was still 50-50 weeks before the application, but that sealed the deal. I was so brokenhearted about so many things. I was so blinded by worldly sadness and cares that I jumped into this journey. I would tell myself justifications like there are good churches here, I also have family here, I can help my parents more, and I can run from my problems in the Philippines, and stuff like that.

So yeah, that was yesterday. That happened in the past, and right now, I'm here, for a year now. A year! I spent all my savings to get here. I have none left.

Today

I am now here in Australia, and guess what? I am more stressed than ever! I just received an email from my educational provider that enrollment will commence on October 3, and classes will resume on October 30. I also got a message from my sister, who earlier assured me that I could invite my friends from the Philippines over, and they could send an invitation for their visit (since they are already permanent residents/citizens, and their financial capacity is stable). So, I was just waiting for their signature so I could send their invitation to my friends who will ideally be lodging their visa applications this week. Apparently, my sister said her husband is skeptical and doesn't want to give the invitation anymore. I was stuck and didn't know how to proceed.

Also, as I was talking to my sister, I mentioned that I need to get the money she borrowed from me since it is enrollment again, and I need to enroll early to be able to get a good class schedule so I can plan my work ahead of time. She told me to just use a credit card to pay, and I told her that I am still repaying my last tuition fee, so I am not planning to use the card. She nagged about how expensive my tuition fee is and why I am not yet done paying the credit card when it has already been three months.

It was a Monday morning, and I was already crying in my bed. It was just in time that Pach was available, and he gave me a call since I was overly stressed. I told him what was happening and cried to him. It was a disaster. It has always been. I always feel like I have been doing things the wrong way EVERY TIME. He then told me, and reminded me that people have different ways of delivering messages. That maybe the way I took things wasn't really bad, but it's just not how I expected it to be. He told me about what he has learned from Pastor Avena these past Sundays and that I should always trust God. He reminded me about a verse in Philippians 4:19 and how God provides for his people.

At the time I was talking to him, I received another text message from my sister telling me to get dressed because she will buy me vegetables (because I have been asking her for okra, as I want to make sinigang—not just because I'm craving it, but because one of my Filipino workmates from the seafood store I work in gave me a bunch of salmon, and I want to cook sinigang out of it). I had to say goodbye to Pach and prepare a bit, and soon enough, my sister came with her husband. They bought me two weeks' worth of groceries that I can cook—veggies, meat, bread, etc.

Everything happened so quickly. Today is a year from yesterday. Just like a moment ago when I was crying and stressed out with so many cares, didn't know what to do. A moment ago, I was sobbing, and a couple of minutes later, I was with a bunch of groceries. It was actually like cold water splashed in my face. A kind of rebuke for my lack of faith and disbelief. Just when I was hearing a promise that I always keep on forgetting, that I may not be in control of things, my plans may not have worked the way they were, but the Lord, who owns all things, has control over all things, and just like what Pach said, He is ever so faithful.

Tomorrow

Uncertainties:

I'm not sure about what will happen tomorrow. Will I be able to finish my studies, become a Permanent Resident, and eventually a citizen here? I don't know if I can pay my tuition fees, or if I might have to return to the Philippines when I can't support myself anymore. I'm really not sure. I don't know if I can fix the relationships that fell apart back home or make new friends here. I don't know if my friends can visit me with just my invitation as a student, or if they can spend Christmas and New Year with me. I'm unsure about providing for my aging parents and giving them a good life. I don't know if I'll ever get married and have a family. I don't know how long I'll live or if financial struggles will continue. There are so many things I don't know.

Certainties:

We often make plans, but ultimately, it's the Lord's plans that matter.

The Lord is in control of everything.

Trusting in the Lord and not relying solely on our own understanding leads to smoother paths.

Finding contentment is the key to experiencing good things.

True and lasting peace comes from God.

You can't escape problems, but you can find rest by turning to God.

Even Christians forget things, so we need reminders from His Word, wise advice, and other sources of guidance.

Life in this world can be confusing, but real life is found in the Lord.

He is faithful, and we can always trust in Jesus Christ, our only hope, who died for our sins.

[superbutman]

Thank you to everyone who got me to 100 likes!

[superbutman]

[superbutman]

Ubos

[superbutman]

Sana pag kumpleto na silang lahat, buo parin ako.

[superbutman]

Why are narcissists such good liars?

[superbutman]

Totally.Me.

[superbutman]

[superbutman]

Got these heartwarming peer reviews. Bola man or hindi, nakakakilig kasi di ko inexpect na naappreciate nila mga efforts ko. Okay na ko kahit walang date nung valentines haha. Pero all the kind words are just reflections of how the Lord has been good to me sa work. Huhu. All credit and thanks to Him alone for enabling me to do all these, madalas ako mag break down and mapagod pero sinusustain Niya ko all the time. May Jesus Christ be praised! 💛💛💛

[superbutman]

My life, these days, is nothing but overwhelming. I just wanna shut everything/everyone down and let my seemingly bursting brain and heavy heart rest for awhile.

But then again, not an option. That’s what makes it harder to carry.

I’m okay… or at least I will be. 🤞🏻

[superbutman]

I suspect that all successful people have those in their past who regard their success with a vague sense of contempt, having “known them when”. And we all can relate in some measure to the experience or being discredited or undervalued by the people closest to us.

Other people can gain insight into our strengths and weaknesses, our virtues and vices...but they cant know us fully.

No, our neighbor cannot fully know us, but far more concerning is that we do not and cannot fully know ourselves... (Jer 17:9) We don’t know our own hearts.

No, I am not an expert of myself. Only God is. His Word gives a true diagnosis of my state, expertly shepherding my thoughts and intentions toward the path of life.

He reveals himself to those who seek him, and in seeing who he is, we see ourselves more clearly.

Knowing who God is matters to us. The knowledge of God and the knowledge of self always go hand in hand. In fact, there is no true knowledge of self apart from the knowledge of God.

God cannot be fully known by humans.

Even the most intellectually gifted theologian will barely scratch the surface of understanding who God is. He is fully known only to himself.

...though God is not able to be fully known, he is able to be sufficiently known. What we can know about him from creation to the Bible is sufficient for our salvation and our sanctification.

The truth of who God is surrounds us.

According to Jesus, knowing God is the fundamental aim of life (Jn 17:3)

Instead of us judging other people whom we thought we fully know, let us direct our efforts to knowing the Incomprehensible God. The One worthy of our attention. And because he is not able to be fully known, familiarity will never breed contempt.

(All excerpts are from the book, “None Like Him” by Jen Wilkin)

[superbutman]

[superbutman]

I don’t want to get old.

Most old people I know are mean.

[superbutman]

[superbutman]

Someone sent me a painting of a running ostrich in messenger. Then I asked, “Gawa mo?” because I thought he was showing off his cool artwork and I’m pretty fond of paintings or any form of art.

He then answered and told me that he just woke up and he only had 2 hrs of sleep.

I was gonna correct him sana by telling him what I really meant by my question (na it’s “did you make that” and not “what are you doing”) pero baka mapahiya kasi siya. So i politely disregarded the context and went on with the conversation nalang by responding, “ah okay”.

The conversation went on and he asked me what i was doing and I told him na I need to sleep na since i have shift pa later tonight. And I was surprised how he made rude comments.

Like... it’s very sad. It happens all the time. I always try hard not to offend other people, and in most cases they offend/ provoke me in return.

People in this world indeed are cruel. It’s sad.

[superbutman]

[superbutman]

Is 2020 a bad year?

There are numerous reasons why people say 2020 is the worst year for Millenials. Well... most news have really been epic. News about earthquakes, wildfires, volcanic erruptions, deaths of popular people and now the pandemic.

Who would have thought it’d be like a domino trick and a chain of negative events?

Like what the world is experiencing, I too, have my own fair share of this year’s negatives. That epic shaking of trust, dealing with destructive tongues like a wildfire, erruptions of emotions, deaths of relationships and betrayal.

So is it really a bad year for me? —-Well, like a popular man once said, “Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge,”

Was it full of tears? Yes. Broken trusts? Yes. Death of relationships? Yes. Was it unexpected? No— we are told in the Bible that things will not get any better. (2 Timothy 3:13) We are not blind to the fact that in life friends and families whom we love may fail, betray or assail us. It should not come to us by surprise.

2020 made me realize that I’m officially an adult with adult kind of problems. It was indeed dark and sad. But there’s always the end of the tunnel and God’s promises will always be true. (Romans 8:28)

I listed 3 wonderful life lessons learned during the first half of my 2020 journey:

1. Always search your heart and its motives before doing, posting or saying anything��most especially tame the tongue

Gossip in the guise of concern is never an act of bearing each other’s burden, it is poison that kills fellowship, unity and harmony (Pastor Clyde)

2. Learn to forgive. Have a Christlike testimony and forgive the inexcusable in them the same way God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

To be forgiven is such sweetness that honey is tasteless in comparison with it. But yet there is one thing sweeter still, and that is to forgive. As it is more blessed to give than to receive, so to forgive rises a stage higher in experience than to be forgiven (Charles Spurgeon)

3. Even a very small degree of betrayal is sufficient to cause the death of trust and while we are in this fallen world, life will betray us. God will never.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In His arms He'll take and shield thee; Thou will find a solace there. (Joseph Scriven)

Still think 2020 is a bad year? —Trust on God’s sovereign will. Pray for light in the midst of darkness. God is in control. Look to Jesus, He saves!