superplatypustoes

[superplatypustoes]

news from a 15 year old boy i tutor: “there’s a kid in my religion class who i have no idea if they’re a boy or a girl, so when i see them i just call them ‘fam.’ [at my plaintive look of i-don’t-know-if-i-heard-you-right] you know, like family” 

The youth have spoken and fam is the gender neutral bro

[superplatypustoes]

[superplatypustoes]

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR LIKE FOREVER

[superplatypustoes]

“Hello? Yes, this whale looks very suspicious. I think he may be trying to get inside a part of the sea that’s not his. Just come quickly.”

So now white people are calling the cops on whales, SMH.

[superplatypustoes]

[superplatypustoes]

some dudebro: women are too emotional to be jedi

me: 

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me: i hate astrology

horoscope: youre beautiful 

me:

[superplatypustoes]

Clear your mind here

[superplatypustoes]

I saw some geezer wearing one of those stupid MAGA hats earlier. America was never 'great', some things just sucked at a different level for other people.

[superplatypustoes]

Finishing the final season of a TV show you love is sad because its like losing many friends all at once. You’ve spent month/years watching them grow and develop but you will never see or hear new things from the characters ever again. They are effectively dead..

[superplatypustoes]

If pee was stored in balls, all men would carry a bag of peenuts

[superplatypustoes]

An 18 year old can borrow 200k for college, drive a tank and go to war but can’t buy alcohol

[superplatypustoes]

Okay….big jump….NOW!

[superplatypustoes]

Gratitude - Tidying Up With Marie Kondo (2019)

[superplatypustoes]

Snowing at sea

[superplatypustoes]

when you guess on every question and still get a good grade

[superplatypustoes]

*wakes up feeling ugly* oh god I have to be funny today