je-ne-suis-pas-content

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

All day

I want to stop breathing

I want my lungs to sleep

My heart to get bored of me

Today I want to die so badly

That my heart is running too fast

That my headache screams too loud

People make me sick

Friends even sicker

Home seems like a stranger

Today I want to hang me

Today I am no good company for nobody

Today is a heavy day

Today my brain is crying

-485a

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

*opens tumblr*

*reblogs 2944388828282838 posts*

*closes tumblr*

*starves self*

"mmm yes great morning"

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

I feel Obnoxiously unimportant. To my friends. To my family. The only people that are actually willing to talk to me are those who I am casually sleeping with. I’m useless.

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

my boyfriend loves skinny girls but is stuck with a big fat whale

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

I could kill myself right now and no one would actually care or be surprised. And that’s the worst feeling of all

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

After relapsing for like the tenth time I realized... It’s ok. Not to be ok. It’s ok. To feel hopeless. Because I’m the end, emptiness is the only thing separating me from ending it. And as much as death is appealing to me.... I don’t want it. I don’t want to die. I want to be happy. I want to get over this. I want to know pure happiness. I want to be able to look at a blade and just see a blade. I want to go to bed and be excited for tomorrow. Some dreams just take time to develop into reality I guess.

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

Me: *manages to put moisturizer on AND brush my teeth two days in a row*

Me: I WAS NEVER DEPRESSED IN THE FIRST PLACE O MY GOD I WAS ONLY FAKING FOR ATTENTION AHHHHH LOOK AT ME BEING JUST AS FUNCTIINAL AS ANY NEUROTYPICAL OUT THERE.

Also Me: Hasn't managed to do laundry in like 4 months, hasn't changed bedsheets in forever, hasn't left the house in 3 weeks and literally has a pile of dishes molding in their kitchen.

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

In DESPERATE need of a diet buddy 🙃

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

I’d settle to be literally anyone aside from myself

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

Diet

Does anyone want a weightloss buddy? I need help losing weight and its easier with someone with me 

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

I don’t understand why so many depression accounts are because of love. I’m not sad because of love. I’m sad because that’s that way I am. You can get over a person no matter how hard it is. But you can’t get over being depressed from nothing.

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

I have so much love when all I deserve is nothing

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

When you’re so beyond help that your therapist doesn’t even want to see you.

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

ugh idk why i’m so stupid. old habits didn’t help me before, why did i think it’d be good to try now 💀. lowkey tho trying the rubber band thing but with my PALE ASS skin all u see are welts 🤩🥰😍🤡. oh and my fuckin scale is acting up and going too low and when i take out a battery it goes up a pound and stays there so lmao it must be i’ve gained that. god i need some self control. oh well

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

The worst part of my depression is that everything can be going great. Everything can be so wonderful. But the second I’m alone I just look at myself and break down. I don’t wanna be like this and I don’t want my hardest struggle to be not to hurt myself or kill myself. I’m trying so hard to be better, to let the positive things in my life make me happy. But it dosent work like that. Nothing works the way you need it to.

[je-ne-suis-pas-content]

I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore.