sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers - Tumblr blog

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

what's the most cancelable shit y'all do when ur not online

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

we should talk more about cities that are vampires. cities that are cold and wet and sink into your bones and stay there. cities that are hungry and want to live. dead cities that dont know they're dead and suck the life force of their people to maintain the delusion. cities with harbors that are actually mouths; one-way entries. cities that are devastatingly lonely and see consumption as love

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

I have a thing I do when the part of my brain that wants to sabotage and cry and scream and isolate is making itself more known; I treat it like a separate entity in the form of my young child self.

I don’t know if this is ethical or insane or harming me more but being able to separate myself from the part of me that wants to stay exactly the same and rot away allows my best self (?) to take charge like a parent. Like “I know you don’t want to do this but I’m responsible for making sure it gets done and I’m gonna keep you safe and happy while we do it”

This could literally be a trip to the shop or bank or even something new I want to try like driving somewhere new. The kid acts up but I make sure they’re showered, have eaten, are dressed and have something to occupy their mind like music or a comic to read while waiting. then when it’s done we get a small treat and go home where it’s comfortable.

I have a feeling I’ll be utilising it a lot in NZ. The sabotage kid part of me is telling myself I don’t actually want to do it. But the grown up part of me is sick of my job and the day in day out pining for something new and cool and scared I’ll die exactly the same person I’ve always been.

I just want to be someone I can rely on, i know what I want to do I just have trouble expressing it without judgement from highly critical parents and family in general. I just want to be on my own and feel safe that way.

what’s the feeling of “I’d be okay doing this thing on my own, I can figure it out but there’s someone tagging along now and I have to think about their needs, wants and happiness too and suddenly this thing is the Hardest Thing in The World to do”

my mum and I are going to Bath in a few hours because she wants me to get away from the house because after New York I had a small breakdown and was writhing in pain from sciatica. That was in September and since I announced I’ll be going to New Zealand in just over a month she wants to do this

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again but I love my mum but she is so prone to sadness and bouts of guilt that being around her during those times is so difficult, I figured I’m high empathy and I can FEEL the bad feelings of others like a knife in the chest. My mum especially. She planned this but it’s 3 days in a city I’ve no interest in.

I spent my whole life being told I wasn’t “street smart” or had no common sense and would probably have very bad things happen if I ever did stuff on my own. My parents (mostly my mum) were hyper-protective and I didn’t even spend a night in a different county completely on my own until last year when I was 23. It was this that made me realise it wasn’t true. If left to my own devices yeah I might cry and panic but I can pull myself out of it and figure out the next logical, safest step. Having someone else there heightens the danger because I have to consult them too. I can’t just do whatever feels right.

I could go to Bath no problem on my own, I’d book the hotel and drive and do what I want and come home when I want. And my mum is excited but she’s definitely sensed something. She asked if I was sure I wanted to go. It’s my fault for saying yes because I didn’t want to disappoint her. There’s nothing I can think of in Bath to do except look at the street art.

Its times like these I don’t know if finding out I’m autistic was a good thing.

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

what’s the feeling of “I’d be okay doing this thing on my own, I can figure it out but there’s someone tagging along now and I have to think about their needs, wants and happiness too and suddenly this thing is the Hardest Thing in The World to do”

my mum and I are going to Bath in a few hours because she wants me to get away from the house because after New York I had a small breakdown and was writhing in pain from sciatica. That was in September and since I announced I’ll be going to New Zealand in just over a month she wants to do this

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again but I love my mum but she is so prone to sadness and bouts of guilt that being around her during those times is so difficult, I figured I’m high empathy and I can FEEL the bad feelings of others like a knife in the chest. My mum especially. She planned this but it’s 3 days in a city I’ve no interest in.

I spent my whole life being told I wasn’t “street smart” or had no common sense and would probably have very bad things happen if I ever did stuff on my own. My parents (mostly my mum) were hyper-protective and I didn’t even spend a night in a different county completely on my own until last year when I was 23. It was this that made me realise it wasn’t true. If left to my own devices yeah I might cry and panic but I can pull myself out of it and figure out the next logical, safest step. Having someone else there heightens the danger because I have to consult them too. I can’t just do whatever feels right.

I could go to Bath no problem on my own, I’d book the hotel and drive and do what I want and come home when I want. And my mum is excited but she’s definitely sensed something. She asked if I was sure I wanted to go. It’s my fault for saying yes because I didn’t want to disappoint her. There’s nothing I can think of in Bath to do except look at the street art.

Its times like these I don’t know if finding out I’m autistic was a good thing.

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

My TMNT shitposting era has begun.

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

some warmup sketches from last week

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

sorry but i want to hit every american talking about not wanting to vote democrat anymore with hammers. lol

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

an erotic poem:

leg so hot

hot hot leg

leg so hot u fry an eg

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

God didn't give me a dick cause he knew I'd be abusing that thang. Call me mourning wood the way I'd be fucking trees

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

quick what is everyone doing right now

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

Some Anti-AI banners i made, anyone is free to use them, no credit necessary. Light mode and Dark mode versions.

Art and writing and people’s rights need to be protected, and AI has been used already to steal, plagiarize, and be used to threaten people using deepfakes.

As an artist and a writer, it’s an insult to my craft to see AI “works” along side mine.

Like i said, anyone is welcome to save/put these banners on their blog, or on posts, please just reblog this if you do.

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

girl are you okay? you’ve been consuming so much media lately that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel one single human emotion for months

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

'Salutarious' by David Mensing (2020)

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

enjoying a character is so embarassing like ugh yes i do want to buy this thing that has him on it. just because it has him on it. what next. a fucking shrine? get real.