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healing together ❤️‍🩹🌊

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anastasia au part 5/?

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"Elias, am I still human?"

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Didn't make it into the dndads zine buut i can now show off this silly comic i love so much.

Happy pride!

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I really hate to admit it; I put my pride on the line.

'Cause when I met you, I knew it— I'd thank you for your time.

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okay the thing about the grocery store fight for me is that i think everyone is reacting to the lawsuit in the moment, where eddie's still reacting to a) the tsunami b) shannon's death. during the tsunami, chris and buck got deeply irreversibly attached in a terrifying environment eddie couldn't control or be present in, and now, whether or not buck accepts it, he's got an independent caregiving relationship with chris that has genuinely nothing to do with eddie. ESPECIALLY since right after the tsunami, chris was reinforced with buck's presence again, as a marker of safety. it's not a coincidence that chris started keeping secrets about recurring nightmares about his mom dying in water when buck starts to be absent in his life. eddie flipping shit at buck about leaving chris behind is certainly part of eddie's dysfunction and his own projections, but i think when buck says he didn't realize what that distance was doing, it's honest. he really didn't realize how much his role in chris' life changed. but eddie did, and i think that's the thing that kills eddie every time. buck doesn't assume that he has a place with them, and eddie knows he does -- he's had to tell buck about it before and he's getting really tired.

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inspired by this

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eddie and his baby

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911 as the baby trapping show such a truth

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maddie and evvie

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The fact that we've heard stories of Eddie helping raise his sisters when he was younger, and that Shannon said one of the reasons Eddie refused to leave Texas was that he didn't want to leave them, but in seven seasons we still have not seen him interact with them on screen. Manifesting a Diaz sisters appearance in Season 9.

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Eddie and Buck saying "no" in unison when Chimney asked if two parents can both be the 'good cop' will always live rent free in my head. Like. What was the purpose of that other than establish that yes, they ARE in fact raising Christopher TOGETHER and have first hand experience that no, they can't both be good cops.

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Thinking about how eddie and buck were definitely bedroom kids but chris is so clearly a living room kid and that's the kind of breaking of generational trauma i love to see

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hi gay people who live in my phone!!

i forgot i had this on my tablet so hereˎˊ˗

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thinking about how whenever eddie starts crying, he looks like it physically hurts. the tears well up, his face twists, and he shakes his head like he's trying to force it back down—like it's not just emotion, it's failure. he's not allowed to be vulnerable. he's not allowed to fall apart.

it always looks like a battle just to let himself feel—as though crying is something to be ashamed of. like he's mad at himself for even feeling anything in the first place.

and that just makes it hit harder. because you know that's not just a reaction—that's learned. that's years of being told to suck it up and be strong. and now, even when he needs to cry—when it catches him off guard—he can't let himself do it without a fight. it's heartbreaking because you can see the little boy in him who was told to be a man and move on.

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there's something unbearably tender about the fact that christopher is symbolic of eddie's world—his everything—and it’s christopher he gives buck in moments where words may fail.

whether it's after the ladder truck incident, to explicitly giving him to buck in his will, or in 8x17, every time eddie gives buck christopher, he's giving him more than trust—he's giving him his heart on a platter.

like—this is the only thing of worth i have to offer you. this is the best part of me. its yours. he's yours.

eddie has been handing buck his heart piece by piece in the shape of his son over and over again throughout the seasons; i wonder if he even realizes all he's revealing in doing so.