swiftbluelightning

[swiftbluelightning]

Me. Incontrovertibly.

Joke debate for lesbians with girlfriends: which of you is gayer?

[swiftbluelightning]

You have my condolences.

We are not terribly familiar with each other, but I can inform you, Ren Amamiya, that this website is called Rotomblr, and connects to a truly absurd amount of distinct universes. You are friends with some of the people here, even.

what is this

[swiftbluelightning]

Ah. So, you have amnesia?

what is this

[swiftbluelightning]

You are going to have to be more specific.

what is this

[swiftbluelightning]

On this website? Impossible.

hey notgirl I noticed your anxious demeanor and offputting vibes from across the room

Can you guys ever say normal things to me

[swiftbluelightning]

[A picture is attached of a remarkably loafed Scolipede, with a little Oshawott sleeping peacefully on his back.]

Blight usually tends to curl up into a ball, but Thalassa decided she was to nap there for today and so he is left loafing.

good morning rotomblr. Still afflicted by the symptoms

Send loafs

[swiftbluelightning]

What adorable babies...

The Threevees being loafed!

Lan Zhan, Wen Ning, look! I got a picture of them all loafed. (Tu'er was giving me sad eyes because he wanted to cling onto my sleeve.)

So cute...

Mn.

[swiftbluelightning]

It's one thing to be aware recovery isn't linear. It's yet another to be aware pregnancy can and will cause complications for one's mental and physical health.

It's yet another to handle regressing on one's eating disorder due to morning sickness and other such hormonal fuckery and to treat oneself gently about it and not become consumed by frustration.

I have been making progress. The fact that I can be set back at all is proof of that.

[swiftbluelightning]

Are you worried about medical complications from the pregnancy? I mean, your body will never be the same after this.

My body has never been the same after plenty of things. Changes to my body aren't new. There are risks, yes. I'm well aware of them. I have chosen to keep this pregnancy fully aware of the consequences to my body. I have known them for years. They have not deterred my desire to do this. My body will never be the same. My life will never be the same. But that's simply the nature of change.

So I'm not worried. Even if there are complications, even if things go wrong, I went into this knowing those were possibilities and being prepared for them. I will have support, and I will still have the rest of my life to live ahead of me. It will not be a life the same as if I hadn't taken this path, but it will be my life. And it will be a life I will prefer to live.

[swiftbluelightning]

okay but do you have a nursery prepared? books, toys, clothes for the kid?

It's a work in progress — not that it particularly needs more work, to be entirely clear, we've been preparing it for months, but in the sense that we're never really going to think of it as 'done'; there will always be something we'll want to add. Regardless, we've been putting a lot of work into it, yes.

[swiftbluelightning]

Oh no, what a tragedy.

(To be entirely clear, given my current circumstances might muddy communication here, I am being completely sarcastic. It's hardly a surprise that you're taking the news well; just because your body theoretically could bear children doesn't mean you should feel obligated to want to.)

doctor: and so i'm afraid your fertility is destroyed. short of a uterus transplant, there's no way you'll be able to bear children.

me: yeah? and?

doctor: ...this is serious news, miss fluff.

me: i'm the one who voluntarily signed up for the experimental birth control. i knew it might wreck my ability to have kids, and i did it anyways and i haven't changed my mind.

doctor: i see. well, we'll have to do a blood panel to see how your hormone levels are holding up, but i'm glad you're taking the news so well.

me, already thinking about going home and batting yarn around: mmhmm yep

[swiftbluelightning]

Frankly, I cannot say I disagree with the sentiment.

Starting to think I dodged a bullet in not having a father, to be honest.

[swiftbluelightning]

Oh, gods, the monologues...

ghetsis is here and monologuing at me

[swiftbluelightning]

[A video is attached from a surveillance camera.

"Hey there." Lillian, a satchel over her shoulder, walks into the room with a wave, tone wryly apologetic. "Sorry for how long it's been since you've had a visit. Astra's having a bit of a rough week."

The girl looks at her suspiciously, scowling.

"Ah, right." Lillian nods. "Introductions. I'm Lillian, Astra's girlfriend. She asked me to come in her place — felt really bad about not showing up." She reaches into her bag and pulls out something — it's hard to make out exactly what — setting it on the table. "She also asked me to give you this. Said you liked unicorns, you might like it."

The girl slides it over and picks it up, looking at it curiously. "Rapidash," she says quietly. "That's what this is called, right? It's a Rapidash."

"So I've been told." Lillian finally sits down. "Never seen one myself. They look pretty beautiful, don't they?"

"Yeah." She sets the little cube down. "I dunno. I get these moments where— I don't know something, but I know something, and I— I can't..."

"Can't figure out why you know it," Lillian finishes softly. "Remember how you know it, what taught you. There's imprints of where a memory was, but you can't find the memory itself."

The girl looks at Lillian, surprised. "Yeah. Like that. Like..." The girl pauses. "In my room. There's a bookshelf. And I didn't like where it was, so I moved it. And there's this spot on the carpet, where the feet were, and it's pressed down, and it's been a while, and that spot's still there. That's what it feels like. There's these bits where stuff was... pressing down on my memory, and I've got those little imprints where they were, but I don't know what left them."

"Yeah..." Lillian sighs. "I have amnesia too. I lost some memories that were... important to me. And I'm never getting them back. But every so often I have these moments where I say something, and it feels like something someone else told me, and I remember that. But I don't remember being told."

"And... and you don't know if it would be better, if you knew everything," the girl whispers, pulling her legs up and hugging them. "But at least if you knew, you'd know... where everything came from. Why you're like this."

"It's scary to think about. All the holes," Lillian says. "How much you lost."

"...I don't wanna talk about this anymore," the girl says. "I don't— I don't wanna think about—" She swallows. "I don't."

"So how've you been?" Lillian asks in response. "Since Astra last had a chance to visit, I mean."

"Bored," the girl grumbles. "Been drawing a lot. They've been teaching me how to read. But they don't let me out much. Say it could be dangerous. Dunno how. You guys seem to be doing fine."

Lillian sighs and shrugs. "I'm not going to pretend to know how either. I'll see if I can talk them into giving you more freedom? I know I'd go crazy really fast stuck inside all the time. I need the outside a lot."

"I miss seeing flowers," the girl mumbles. "I don't... I don't remember which ones I like. But I keep thinking, I want to go outside and look at the flowers. The ones just by the street, or something. Maybe... maybe pick a few." She seems to shrink in on herself, just a little.

"I'm more of a tree person, myself," Lillian replies. "Especially in spring, when they're all blooming again. I like seeing life come back to the world like that."

"Autumn's better," the girl responds in turn, almost reflexive. "The colours are really pretty, and you get to hear the leaves crunch underfoot." She tilts her head, looking at Lillian with scrutiny. "You look more autumn-y than spring-y. It's your hair. It's like autumn leaves."

"Well, I've always been one to go against what I'm 'supposed' to be," Lillian replies, amused. "I was supposed to be a boy, if my anatomy's any indication. I think you can tell I disagreed with that one."

"You can do that?" The girl tilts her head. "Huh."

"Do you think you want to?"

The girl shrugs. "I'unno. Still haven't figured out a name yet."

"Well, if you want advice," Lillian replies, "I've done it myself."

"Astra's name is prettier than yours," the girl says bluntly, at which Lillian cackles. "So no thanks."

"Fair enough." Lillian nods. "Fair enough."

"Names are weird," the girl continues, drawing a pattern on the table with her fingers. "Like, I'm going through all this effort to find one I like, and then I'm not even gonna use it. I'm just 'I'. I'm only whatever my name is to everyone else. And then I don't even know who 'I' am! What does that name even mean?" She sighs. "It's weird."

"I think identity's a question better asked to Astra, honestly," Lillian replies sheepishly. "She's done a lot more thinking about that stuff than me."

"So she's identity, and you're amnesia," the girl sums up absently. "And I guess deciding to be a girl. That's cool too. Do you think I have to decide to be a girl, if I don't want to be a boy? Cause they say I'm one already. Is it only a choice if you wanna change?"

Lillian thinks for a moment. "Big question. I'd say it's good to... do your homework, so to speak."

"Fuck homework."

"Your research, then," Lillian half-laughs. "Even if you want to be a girl at the end of it, it's good to check. Because then you know, and you understand what it feels like to question it. And you know what being a girl looks like to you, and how it feels to want to be who you are."

"I guess I'll think about it then," the girl replies. "Isn't it weird they didn't ask? They just sort of assumed? And I'd have to be the one to tell them? Wouldn't that be scary?"

"It is weird, but... it's how people are. They just kind of assume things are the way society says it's supposed to be. So the default is being what you're told, and so people assume, oh, she looks like a girl, she must be a girl." Lillian shrugs. "I do it a lot, too, even. Because that's how you're told it is, and you have to remember to think about it. And all you can really do is make sure people know to think about it."

"Well, I'm a girl for now," she says. "But I'll tell you what I think I am next time. And maybe then I'll have figured out a name, too."

"I'll look forward to it."

The video ends there.]

[swiftbluelightning]

He is a truly rotten man, and I spare no time mourning the death of the one who happened to exist in my world.

ghetsis was the mastermind behind team plasma that abused his 3 kids, tried to steal everyones pokemon so only he had em, and then tried to freeze the region 2 years later

...I still wouldn't tell him to kill himself but also if he and I happened to be in the same room with zero legal consequences for whatever happened in there he would not be leaving that room alive

[swiftbluelightning]

Well, are they comfortable? Does your Zorua feel safe?

It's always "your hair looks like a ratatta's nest, ugh" and never "are the baby ratattas comfortable? Does your zorua feel safe in there?"

[swiftbluelightning]

Horrifying.

I fully agree with your points re:travel but Paldea very much so does have a flying taxi service. They use Squackabilly instead of Corviknight but that's because flying Corviknight is dangerous in certain parts of the region

I looked up the size of squackabilly and I think this is worse actually. This is way worse.