swiftpaw12

[swiftpaw12]

"Do you think endos are valid systems?" We have work in the morning?

[swiftpaw12]

"craving a food means your body needs something that food can offer" now what the fuck does my body need with an ice cream

[swiftpaw12]

the wrong people in this world are unlearning shame

[swiftpaw12]

I'd like to share a few pre-odyssey stories from Odysseus's life that I think are fun.

He didn't choose to go to war. He was drafted into the war as a general. He tried to get out of it by pretending he was crazy because he didn't want to leave Telemachus and Penelope. So, when the guys came to his castle, he was out in the field pulling a plow, with the horse behind it like the horse was driving him. And most of the guys were like, "Wow, he's totally crazy!" but the head dude was like, "No, he's tricky. We gotta see if he's actually crazy. Bring out his newborn son!" So they brought Telemachus out, and put him in the path of the plow being like "If the king is actually crazy he'll run over his son!" Odysseus didn't do it, he swerved around Telemachus, and his cover was blown, so he had to go to war.

There was a prophecy that the first soldier who set foot on the beaches of Troy during the attack would die first, so when Odysseus's army were on the boats about to attack, none of them wanted to get off, in fear of dying. Odysseus was like "okay we need to get this show on the road." so he made a big show of talking about how ridiculous prophecies were, while secretly throwing his shield down on the sand. Then he was all "I'll jump down first, to prove that it's silly!" So he jumped off the boat onto his shield, and his army was like "Wow! he landed on the sand first! We've got nothing to worry about now!" So they all jumped off, and sure enough the first dude that landed was the first to die.

[swiftpaw12]

Red in the face

[swiftpaw12]

saying "who said that" at the end of a sentence is a lot funnier when you're plural. who DID say that

[swiftpaw12]

*at the alter store* uhhhh they're all out of normal guys

[swiftpaw12]

my silly little jester costume for the play I’m in is so fire you all wish you were me

[swiftpaw12]

Huehuecoyotl

15-04-2020

It’s name means"Old coyote". This god is often presented as a dancing coyote with human feet and hands. It’s a deity associated with giving humans the knowledge of the arts, specially music and dance, aswell as the provider of good luck. They brought joy and happiness wherever they went, so much that they could be considered a party animal aswell as a prankster, like other coyote depictions in pre-colonial America. They represent duality, taking the best of two different worlds: good and evil, old and new, male and female. They had the ability to change their gender. Through time they’ve had diferent relationships, with both women and men including; Temazcalteci (godess of temazcales or steam baths), Xochicalli (godess of love, beauty,femininity and flowers), Opochtli (left-handed god of hunt) and Xochipilli (god of art, games and quite possibly gay men)

[swiftpaw12]

reblog this to pet the user you reblogged from please

[swiftpaw12]

[swiftpaw12]

this garbage came to me in a vision

[swiftpaw12]

"UM OP DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT THIS INNOCUOUS VIDEO/IMAGE/POST IS ACTUALLY FETISH CONTENT"

might not be true at all and might be puritan panic you bought into but ok

even if it IS true, ok?? and?? based

[swiftpaw12]

BRB gonna wear my shirt that announces I got successfully railed in the street just outside Fenway Park

[swiftpaw12]

[swiftpaw12]

Free bumper sticker design for any Floridians who want it