swirlsofblackandwhite

[swirlsofblackandwhite]

June 28, 2024

"exile" 600 words, angst, canon compliant

He sees her in the market of a southern town and does not believe his eyes.

Of course it cannot be Frieren, sifting thoughtfully through a stack of colorful shawls. Frieren liked shopping, but she never cared for clothes. She also has a way of appearing like a mirage in the faces of people with the same hair or eyes or build, in the silhouettes of everyone he sees wearing white. Surely this would not be the one time that his eyes did not deceive him.

The woman stops searching, says something to a vendor whose eyes glint with the excitement of a possible sale. The man drapes a scarf across her outstretched arms, something soft and weighty in a brilliant blue. The woman's ears twitch with interest. Himmel has only ever seen Frieren's ears do that.

Money changes hands. He is supposed to be purchasing food, something unrecognizable wrapped in grape leaves that smells delicious, but he has forgotten dinner entirely. The owner of the stall asks sharply if he still wants his order, but even then, it is only with immense reluctance that Himmel tears his eyes away.

They're playing tricks on you again, he tells himself, then the vendor, "yes, I'm sorry."

She huffs. He should apologize, and ordinarily he would, but he cannot bring himself to do it this time. He takes the paper of food she thrusts into his hands with cursory thanks, shakes himself. He is not going to look back. No good is going to come of his looking back. Whether it is Frieren or not, he's supposed to have weaned himself off of the need to know. A person who has moved on, gracefully accepted his fate, would not turn.

But Himmel does.

She is wrapping the scarf around her neck now. That shade of blue is much too bright against the white of her clothes, but Frieren has never cared for fashion, really. She pulls the extra fabric up over her head against the cold wind, adjusts it, and he wonders when he started believing that it really was her.

She turns, slowly, looking off into the distance like always, and does not see him. Her lips are a little parted, her face drowsy, and the brilliant blue of the scarf framing her face brightens the green of her unfocused eyes. Her left ear twitches, and she adjusts the scarf to give it space to breathe.

That is when the fog clears, and she is looking right at him, her eyes focused, her lips still parted, and his heart catches so painfully on his ribs that he can't breathe for a second.

He can't keep her. He has always known he could not keep her, that it would be indefensibly selfish to try. He's told himself he cannot want her, either, because wanting what he cannot keep will only break his heart. But really what breaks his heart is not the wanting, nor the longing.

This is what he cannot bear: an oasis in self-imposed exile from a beloved who will never know how beloved she is.

"Himmel," she murmurs, her voice much too quiet to hear at this distance, but he can read her lips. He knows exactly what her lips look like, saying his name.

There is guilt in this exile, too. She may not think of him often, but he must think he does not care for her much if she ever does.

"Frieren," he answers her, a whisper lost to the wind, but one he knows will reach her all the same. "It's been much too long."

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June 25, 2024 "Shoulder" 300 words, fluff, canon divergence, established relationship

Humans like to be touched.

This is the excuse Frieren makes, at least, whenever she has to justify things to herself. When she sleeps draped long-ways over Himmel like a blanket, when she plays with his clothes just to feel the soft fabric beneath her fingers, she tells herself that it's something he would like. Humans like to be touched. She's only being a good and supportive partner.

Now, for example. The ferry crossing to a tiny island in the inlet that cuts a wide gash through town is choppy, and falling asleep on Himmel's shoulder to the rocking of the waves is a goodwill gesture. He's probably seasick. She's comforting him. That's what it is.

"You really can sleep anywhere," he says fondly, wrapping an arm around her waist, kissing the crown of her head.

"Mm."

She can, sort of. It's just easier when she has Himmel for a pillow.

"I'll wake you when we dock."

She lifts her head and looks up at him with a sleepy, grateful smile. "Mmm."

"Yeah, I know, I'm the best." He chuckles, kisses her forehead this time. "Sleep tight."

She does. The warmth of his cape assists in the attempt. And when she grumbles at him for waking her upon their docking at the island's harbor, she tells herself that it's the sleep she's cranky to have lost and not that warmth, his arm around her, his shoulder beneath her head.

That was how he got her to marry him, after all: by being an exceedingly nice pillow. Being too nice of a pillow, a blanket, a chair, a mattress, an umbrella, a lender of cloaks, and a teller of nice things to give up. He has his charms.

Humans like to be touched. It's the least she can do in return.

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June 6, 2024

"Keki Taberu" 400 words, fluff, canon divergence

Himmel finds her under the table, eating a slice of cake.

Upon further inspection: eating a slab of cake, more like. Her puffy skirt with its dozens of layers of lining and netting takes up almost the whole space beneath the table, and she's scrunched up in an odd position to fit, but nothing seems to matter to Frieren but the cake, which she eats, eyes closed, with an air triumph.

It's a fluffy white cake that doesn't look like it should taste like lemons. Of course she would.

"Frieren," he whispers. He must, of course, respect the secrecy of her hiding place. "Taking visitors?"

She opens her eyes, then narrows them. "I'm eating cake."

"Okay, and?"

"Hiding."

"Not from me, though, right?"

She goes back to eating her cake, which he takes as a 'yes,' so he moves aside some of her skirt (how can it possibly take so much fabric to clothe such a tiny person?) and sits beside her. It's a tighter fit for him than for her by several orders of magnitude, his knees all the way up to his chin, but Frieren doesn't seem to think this is strange.

"You doin' okay?"

"Fine."

"Why're you hiding under here?"

"Too many people."

Himmel's fault, definitely. He had been the one who wanted the fairytale wedding, the one people would remember and talk about for years. Frieren had just wanted a kiss (apparently she didn't think she would, but now she likes those) and some cake, and the latter of those things is much more pressing.

And it's Frieren. There's never going to be a world in which she isn't a little bit odd, and Himmel would have her no other way.

"I'm people, too, you know," he tells her.

She examines him, swallows a bite of cake. "You don't count."

"I don't count?"

"You're not people people."

He smiles, the kind that crinkles the corners of his eyes like laughter but doesn't make a sound. "Then what exactly am I?"

"Just Himmel."

He leans his head, though it's not easy in such tight quarters, to kiss the crown of her head. "Just Himmel, huh."

"What?"

"Nothing," he says, "Just-Frieren."

"You're being weird again."

"I'm always weird." He laughs, feels like embracing the whole world tonight. "Might you be so kind as to feed me a piece of that?"

"No way."

"Ouch, tough crowd."

His favorite kind.

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May 29th, 2024

“Polishing”

500 words, canon-compliant

This one got his chin all wrong.

There's no reason at all for Frieren to take note of that. She has seen dozens, hundreds of these statues, most of them imperfect in some small way. A good three-quarters of those don't look quite right: he is too tall, or his build too lean or too stocky; his nose isn't quite right or his facial expression is one that, in all of ten years, she never saw on the real Himmel's face. She's no longer surprised that even people who sculpted Himmel during his lifetime couldn't get him right all the time.

But there is really no reason she should even remember what looks right and what doesn't anymore.

It's been eighty years. His face should be fuzzy in her memory by now, and when she tries to recall it, it is. But the moment she is presented with an imperfect replica, she purses her lips, displeased, and remembers with clarity that shocks even herself how different he looked in life. Even though she had been the first to argue that all of these statues were excessive back then, the wrong ones make her a little bit peevish.

Even after half a life spent away from the rest of the world, Frieren has seen more faces than she knows what to do with and forgotten them all. She tries to tell herself that it's curious that she remembers this one well enough to criticize a statue for failing to capture him well, but if she is honest with herself, she knows why.

Just like she knows, whether she will admit it or not, that he knew what a mirrored lotus meant, and that she knew what the way he looked at her meant, somewhere in the back of her mind, only chose every single time to pretend she didn't know as much as she did. Just like she knows now that she was very, very foolish to hide, to be so confused and frightened of something as warm and safe as Himmel. Perhaps the statues - the immense, gaping knowing that it takes to look at a bronze rendering and be able to point out how it fails to capture the original - is her strange sort of penance for that hiding-away. She comforts herself with the thought that it has to be.

"You'd have hated the way they did your chin," she murmurs, polishing - by hand, there is no spell that gives the feeling of having done her proper duty - a rusted cheek. The cloth rubs off nothing but a thin layer of dirt, and the copper of his face is still green beneath. "You always were too vain for your own good."

Perhaps she should thank him for that, though. It's that vanity that's kept his face so fresh in her mind, years after she ought to have forgotten what it looked like.

(Or maybe she's lying to herself. Maybe there is no preservative in the world as powerful as affection.)

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May 28th, 2024

“Hands”

Canon compliant, sickfic, true drabble

Himmel says it does a person good to hold somebody's hand. Frieren doesn't know if he's right, but he looks flushed, and he thrashes in his sleep more than he should; it is a theory she is willing to test.

His hand is hot, damp with sweat. It all but swallows hers. Still, both of her hands wrap nicely around one of his, and he stills when she does that.

Hours later, when she is nodding off and he just waking, still feverish but lucid now, he stares, glassy-eyed. He sees the pocket her hands make around his, and smiles.

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August 11, 2024

"On Your Left" 400 words, established relationship, canon divergence, based on that one manga panel about how old!Himmel still fights monsters lol

"On your left, darling."

Frieren doesn't need the warning. She's already turning, and something heavy thuds against the shield of mana she casts in her blind spot to the left, covering the gaps in her defense. When it finds it can't get through, the monster rears back, leaves its chest and neck exposed before a charge, and it is almost too easy.

It collapses to the ground with a hole in its chest the size of a tree trunk in a heap that kicks up dust. This one, Frieren notes with mild disgust, barely even tried.

"They're getting dumber these days, don't you think?"

Himmel looks up at her, and a smile he tries to hide pulls at his weathered mouth before he can conceal it. He only looks at her for a moment before he reaches over to pat her arm.

"Or you're getting better," he suggests.

"Even you can handle them."

At this, Himmel frowns. "What exactly are you implying?"

Frieren smirks because she likes getting his goat, though it gives her no pleasure to admit: "you're old."

"You're old." He stops, bristles. "And I've still got it. I don't know why you would even imply that I haven't still got it."

He does, however miraculous that is, indisputably still have it. She likes that about him; his advanced age is so much less immediate when he's still doing what he's always done, killing local vermin and charming townspeople and teasing her incessantly. It all makes it easier not to wonder how many more times they'll be able to do things like this together.

"Maybe," she says.

"What do you mean, 'maybe'? I've clearly still-"

"I killed that one."

"But I killed the last one."

"I supposed, but-"

"No 'buts,' Frieren, I did."

"I suppose."

"You," he tells her, "are one tough old lady, Frieren."

"Call me that again, I dare you."

He chuckles. "Most people want to grow old together, you know."

Frieren frowns. "I was already old when I met you."

"Nonsense."

He says things like this often, probably to try to soothe his own sadness, and she never disputes them, even though she wants to.

"Well, I suppose we have payment to collect," Himmel sighs. "Shall we?"

The town elder has a couple of grimoires he'd thrown in to sweeten the pot. She takes his offered hand, wrinkled and weatherbeaten, in her own.

"Of course."

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[swirlsofblackandwhite]

In Methode's talk with the Ehre-Wirbel-Scharf trio, she doesn't say that she can defeat Fern, just that she's good at stopping people (足止め, lit. "foot stopping", also can mean confinement). When she's test-casting on real Frieren and real Fern, she had to physically touch them to restrain them. It seems like an ongoing cast, like Sorganeil; doesn't seem like Methode could cast any other spell while maintaining this freezing one.

In the aftermath of the fight, you can see from the dissipating mana that clone Fern's body was right in front of Methode.

I therefore propose this theory: after managing to dodge the Zoltraak machine gun, Methode just. grabbed clone Fern. and they just stood there having the world's weirdest silent stareoff for minutes until Spiegel died.

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anyway isn’t it funny that 1000 years later, serie ends up finally doing what flamme wanted her to do, leading a large mage association. pin that prediction up on the fridge alongside “frieren will kill the demon king” and “frieren will want to know about humans”. flamme stays winning from beyond the grave

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frieren merch team are the funniest and rudest fuckers for making not one but two heat changing mugs that do this to the hero party

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frieren manga spoilers but I just realised something about the timing of Frieren's 500-year break from fighting demons

it was because of Macht, who was the last demon she fought for half a millennium.

when the hero party came to recruit her, she said she hadn't fought demons for about 500 years. 80 years after that, when she was telling Fern and Stark about her fight with Macht, she said that fight was 600 years ago. Her arm was turned to gold then, which didn't dispel for almost a century. (this remains the craziest Frieren lore to me, that she just walked around like that for a century)

the timing lines up and it makes sense! Frieren is defeated by Macht; it's almost certainly not the first of those eleven fights she's lost. but it takes her almost a century to recover, which was probably a huge shock to her self-confidence as a battle mage, and a HUGE pain in the ass to live with that took her off the field for a full century. 100 years isn't super long, but it's also not a blink of an eye for her--that's one-tenth of her life. hard to get back on the horse after that.

this also explains why she's so insistent on getting Fern and Stark out of there and not getting involved at first. it's not just because she thinks Macht is stronger and they're in danger. it's also because even if they get away, like she did half a millennium ago, there's a chance that Fern and Stark could be stuck with the same condition that she was inflicted with--except they don't have a leisurely century to solve it. they'd live their whole life with it, and die cursed. and it would be because she, who knew about it, let them walk into that situation.

frieren's started to understand the brevity of a human life now. she won't let them waste it like that.

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Frieren timeline

The only timeline available on the wiki isn’t super fleshed out with exact dates and counting backwards etc. So I decided to make my own.

Notes:

1. Spoilers for up to manga ch119 (the most recent at this time)

2. Even if it’s likely just a rough measure (“three hundred years ago”), I’m gonna assume when doing my math that it was exactly 300 years, because otherwise I can’t do most of the math

3. I skip most events that don’t have an exact year, eg Fern and Stark respective being taken in by Heiter and Eisen. I do make some estimates (eg Sein’s birthday, we only know he’s in mid-30s so he can’t have been born any further back than year xx).

4. Standardised year 0 as the year the demon king was defeated

5. Realised about 2/3rds through that I could be writing down chapter citations but at that point it was too late lol sorry

behold!

-3,000: Earliest mentioned date, by Frieren re: dwarf beliefs; most people believed the dead turn to dust, so pre-Goddess. Unclear when Goddess actually starts appearing.

[Emperor Boshaft alive, so is Milliarde, Frieren in village]

-1,000: Frieren becomes Flamme’s apprentice

-950: Flamme passes away*

-510: the last time Frieren fought a demon (quite likely Macht, as in year 80 she says 600 years ago, which would be -520. What’s a decade here and there?)

-420: Frieren restores her golden arm

-422: Aura became one of the seven sages of destruction

-322: the last time Frieren saw another elf, Grandfather Voll starts to protect village

-222: the last time Kraft saw another elf

-120: Fass finds Emperor Boshaft’s alcohol, Gehn starts working on his village’s bridge

-26: Himmel is born

-11?: Hero of the South visits Frieren and dies a year later; tells her she’ll meet Himmel soon**

-10: Hero Party sets out from capital

[Hero Party kills Immortal Bose and pushes back Aura sometime during this period]

-3: Goddess arc (Himmel is 23), Hero Party seals Qual***

0: Demon King defeated, Era Meteors, Macht starts to serve^

2: Denken born

20: Macht is braceleted

28: Continental Magic Association started (at latest), Lernen was first first-class mage

29: Denken came to Auberst with his wife (who died when he was in his twenties); Denken’s wife presumably passed away very soon after

30: last sighting of a Darkness Dragon (per random apothecary); Weis turned to gold and sealed

39: Earliest possible Sein birthday (he would be 40); humanity learns to fly

45: Wirbel born

50: 2nd Era Meteors; Himmel passes away; Aura reappears, demon activity increases in north and baby Wirbel makes promise

61: Stark is born earlier in the year after winter; Fern is born some time after harvest festival but before the last three months of the year

68: Graf Granat’s son dies in war against Aura

69: Sein’s friend Gorilla left

70: Frieren and Fern meet

74: Heiter collapses

75: Stark runs away from Eisen

76: Heiter passes away; Frieren and Fern set out on their journey

76.5: half a year spent looking for blue moonweed

77: Fern turns 16 (after spring, latest autumn)

78: 3+ Months spent at seaside town cleaning beach

79: wintered with Kraft, Stark’s 18th bday (after spring), meet Sein around harvest festival (time is a bit funky since it gets cold and then warm after this?)^^

80: El Dorado arc

81: first chapter after El Dorado. As of ch119, we are here, 31 years after Hero Himmel’s death!

and in the future…

97: Tod’s “curse” will engulf the star?

100: Next meteor shower. Fern and Stark would be 39.

149: Frieren promised to be back at hero’s sword village by this time

1079: Frieren may return to the Continental Mage Association :)

*Assuming she died soon after Frieren’s last shown convo with her where she said “it’s only been 50 years”

**Unclear just when was the Frieren/Hero of the South meeting, so it could technically be anywhere before, but -11 is the most recent it could be

***Frieren says it’s been 80 years in year 77. If she’s being precise then this is the date—but I have doubts as Qual was sealed in the Central Lands, and Hero Party should be well into the Northern Plateau near the goddess monument by this point.

^Technically I think Macht starts to serve a leetle bit before the demon king is defeated, but no time frame given for how long it took Macht and Glück to have those convos

^^To be more precise: they start the year’s winter with Kraft. Then it gets warm, and Stark’s birthday happens. Harvest festivals are usually in autumn, which is when they meet Sein, and then it gets cold enough for the gang to wear their winter gear again, and they spend a winter (or a cold snap?) with Sein. When they get to Auberst they spend an additional two months training with Fern while waiting for the exam to start. But when they finally leave Auberst in ch61, and aren’t wearing their winter clothes anymore, it’s still listed as 29 years post-Himmel death??? There’s a mention of it being because they’re in the volcanic belt… But seriously, year 79 goes on and on. I honestly think the authors just forgot to find a good spot to switch that over lol

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evan call (composer for frieren soundtrack) pretty much said on radio that he composed the ep 10 final scene’s music to be like frieren’s boss theme lmfaoo

he said it wasn’t film scored, he just wrote a theme for when frieren fights, and was pleasantly surprised at how they used it in ep 10

himmel’s voice actor: i couldn’t tell which was meant to be the scary one, aura or frieren

evan call: it’s like frieren’s boss theme

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Frieren sleep style 1: the burrito

Bonus:

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Artist By さがわ

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