symphoniecalando - Tumblr blog

[symphoniecalando]

Send 😶 + a really uncomfortable question and my muse has to answer it

[symphoniecalando]

they miss you.

Let them. It'll be better for them without me.

[symphoniecalando]

i hate you.

And what will you do about it? I'm already in Hell. Damnare peccatorem non potes.

[symphoniecalando]

you should visit them.

No.

[symphoniecalando]

how's the whole being dead thing?

Burning.

[symphoniecalando]

there is something divine in immolation there is some kind of divinity in it, and i don't mean what is standing behind me, see i know something i should not know; i'd be a prophet if i lived to twenty-nine (i don't think that was ever meant to be).

there is something divine in destruction, in hellfire, in raining bombs, there is something divine in pain and it isn't the divine i grew up with, it isn't the divine i know and the divine i love, and it isn't the sublime i find in my brother— i don't know what it is, but it is there and it has won.

i know who i am, but not what. i know what will happen, but not why. i know that i am the end, and i do not want to be. i know i will die surrounded by friends, and i know none of will want it, and one of them will do it. i know nobody has any choice in the matter. it's not because of fate, but because of inevitability. it's not that it's predestined, it's just that nothing else ever would've happened. you were too kind, you were too trusting of me and he believed, truly, that i knew what i wanted i don't— or, i do, but i never told him. truly, none of you could've stopped this, but only because of who you are. if you were someone else, this never would've happened. if i were someone else, this never would've happened.

i don't regret for a single moment the path that led us here, but i do regret how it will end even knowing it cannot be changed.

i love you. i promise. i love you in ways i cannot say. i love you i love you all and yet i have to be the one to destroy it.

i have no choice, i have no want or wish or will for this, but it doesn't matter. i started it, and i shall end it, just as that which started me shall end me.

it is a cycle and i am just the middle link.

[symphoniecalando]

"Yes, sir." Wilbur turns away from Dream and steps back into the boat. He rows away without so much as a look over his shoulder.

He aches, but he wouldn't ever leave without a dismissal. He'll hide the boat and walk back to his god. He has not been dismissed. There may be a use for him.

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

Tommy's words buzz and whine and if Wilbur wasn't before his god, he might've tried to run. But he knows better. He's been asked to stay.

Look at me!

Tommy grabs him and he doesn't fight, just closes his eyes. He ignores Tommy scream and beg him to be a heretic. Wilbur knows better. He chose his god.

Why did you do it?

He opens his eyes again and looks at his god. "It was the right thing to do," he replies, voice flat, "it had to be done."

Dream's voice cuts through the haze, the smoke, the ringing in his ears. It always has.

"You're my god."

It's the only thing he feels even remotely alive saying.

"You're my god," he repeats, even though he shouldn't, because that taste of life, of fresh air, is beautiful, "you're my god."

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

Tommy's words ring in his ears like the aftermath of his explosion. They don't mean anything.

Dream picks up his wrists. It doesn't stop the fire, but it makes him feel wanted. Useful.

"Yes, domine," he mutters, "thank you."

Tommy is gone.

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

Wilbur kneels and, with all the simple, slow intentionality of an afternoon walk, puts his forehead to the ground then extends his wrists to Dream.

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

Wilbur's face twists out of neutrality for the first time in the conversation and into a slight scowl. He drops his hand and walk through Tommy as if he isn't even there.

He knew where to go. Where he was expected. He ached like he was burning again, but he was needed here.

"I can't die. I'm dead."

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

"It was my heart," Wilbur repeats, because you never stop caring about your heart and it's all he can say, "and it mattered. It mattered too much. We were confused."

He sets the oars down at the boat grounds itself. He stands and offers a hand—but not his eyes—to Tommy.

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

Wilbur doesn't grace Tommy with a response. He returns to the boat and sits in it, then takes the oars and pushes off.

"It's not my home," he refutes softly, "it's yours."

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

"I'm saying it because it's true."

Tommy didn't understand. Tommy could never understand. It didn't matter what it was, Tommy just kept on going like everything was fine. Like optimism could save him.

"We're going home. You won't have to worry anymore."

He ached being this far from the crater. It would be worth it.

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

"You stopped being my brother a long time ago." When he'd decided he couldn't tell Tommy the truth, that's when they'd stopped being brothers.

"We're going home," he repeats, voice as dead as he is.

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

"It was my heart." Wilbur doesn't look at Tommy, doesn't spare him a glance as he floats next to him. "I killed the thing you loved and myself at the same time. I don't think I can care anymore."

Let's go home, Tom.

-- Wilbur

alright??????? youd better fucking explain what the fuck youre on about on the way wil youre not making sense

[symphoniecalando]

I'm not your brother anymore.

They aren't your family, anymore. They left you after you abandoned them, disowned you as you left them. They aren't your brothers anymore.

I have another family.