t-j-eckleburg

[t-j-eckleburg]

Hey, Dr. Eckleburg! Some of my neighbors have been telling me that you aren’t all-seeing (even though you are). Do you have a response for them?

Sincerely, George Wilson ( @askgeorgewilson )

I do! The answer is that they can go suck it, because I know they’re cheating on each other.

[t-j-eckleburg]

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-@themodernbay

ieio

[t-j-eckleburg]

BABE, PLEASE… I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING GOOD!!!

can i come to yours and eckleburg's wedding

i think he hates me.

[t-j-eckleburg]

SPLISH SPLOOSH!!!! 😭

(THE LIGHT CHEATED ON ME!!!! 😭)

@the-water-in-the-green-light-pic

Yikes, unfollowing now. Was a big fan of his existence as a physical representation of the American Dream and various characters’ hopes for the future, had no idea he was a cheater.

[t-j-eckleburg]

HELLO?!?!?!?

I return from my hiatus of trying to see into the future to read gay fanfiction, only to return to adultery drama…

God. Right now, we’re just as messy as the actual humans in this universe.

…Which, come to think of it, might actually be the perfect allegory for the failure of the American Dream. @fagscottfitz , have you ever considered writing a sequel?

[t-j-eckleburg]

Okay in his defense, if anyone tried to name my baby that, I would try to drown them too.

Probably not very hard, because I’m a billboard and can’t move. But the effort would be there.

SPLISH SPLOOSH!!!! 😭

(THE LIGHT CHEATED ON ME!!!! 😭)

@the-water-in-the-green-light-pic

Yikes, unfollowing now. Was a big fan of his existence as a physical representation of the American Dream and various characters’ hopes for the future, had no idea he was a cheater.

[t-j-eckleburg]

I return from my hiatus of trying to see into the future to read gay fanfiction, only to return to adultery drama…

God. Right now, we’re just as messy as the actual humans in this universe.

…Which, come to think of it, might actually be the perfect allegory for the failure of the American Dream. @fagscottfitz , have you ever considered writing a sequel?

[t-j-eckleburg]

SPLISH SPLOOSH!!!! 😭

(THE LIGHT CHEATED ON ME!!!! 😭)

@the-water-in-the-green-light-pic

Yikes, unfollowing now. Was a big fan of his existence as a physical representation of the American Dream and various characters’ hopes for the future, had no idea he was a cheater.

[t-j-eckleburg]

In my defense, billboards can’t speak. And all of your words were beeps.

can i come to yours and eckleburg's wedding

i think he hates me.

[t-j-eckleburg]

Following my tradition of giving each Gatsby blog a hampter

No, don’t put him on top of me!!! I’m a billboard!!! He’ll—

…

…….

…Well, it’s certainly not the WORST hamster death I’ve seen.

[t-j-eckleburg]

The water beyond the green light flowed softly, feeling the reflection of the glow settle upon on its ripples like a warm hug.

“Splish,” it begged, flushed with sea salt, human excrement, a dead dog, and the thunderous desire for love. “Splish splash splosh… splish, splish splash.”

“I told you,” the green light mewed, flickering slightly with the descent of the clouds behind it, “you’re mine. I own you, just like corporate greed owns America.”

“Splish?”

A warmth came to the water, darkened by the night sky.

The light swam across the top in waves, cascading across the water sensually.

In the pitch-black of the night, the light’s response came.

“Yes,” it said. “I agree. This really was the Great Gatsby.”

And at that, the two shared a passionate kiss under the watchful eyes of the oculist’s billboard above them— which, if it could talk, would be begging for them to get a room.

The End. (Can I be green now?)

splish sploosh?

-@the-water-in-the-green-light-pic

Splish splash sploosh. Splash splash? Splish splosh splish splish.

(Translation, for the uninitiated: LOVE the new green look. Any chance you could drop a line to your light guy? I could do with being a new colour other than blue, and nobody’s volunteered to paint me as of yet.)

[t-j-eckleburg]

i regret to inform you that the dog is very much alive and has a blog

Yeah, the replacement.

If it tells you otherwise, it’s because Jordan knocked its head a bit on the car journey over, which gave it memory loss.

[t-j-eckleburg]

and by "watching the queers," i assume you mean how that photographer and the pony guy started... dating? and as for the DRINKING queers... there'll be a lot of them!! but... i'll stay as long as you want me to... so yes, i'll be there until 3am.

Exactly right! It’s about the closest thing I have to a soap opera, since I see everything and have thus seen every soap fifty million times.

…And, well. Maybe you can park up against my stands if you’d like… it’s about the closest thing you can get to cuddling with a billboard without tearing it down.

[t-j-eckleburg]

Since you see everything I have some important questions for you

1. Is Nick Carraway a homosexual

2. Going off of the last question, who has he had crushes on in the past

3. Does Jay Gatsby have a skincare routine

4. What happened to that dog Tom bought for Myrtle

5. What is the weirdest thing you've seen in the valley of ashes

1) Honestly, so upsetting that you would waste a question on this.

2) Depends what you define by crushes, and also how drunk/angsty a guy has to be for it to allow for heterosexual-plausible-deniability. But to answer the real question, at least 10 of them DID physically resemble Jay Gatsby.

3) Yes, and I would break Tumblr if I had to write it all down for its sheer length.

4) Jordan hit a golf ball so hard that it burst through the atmosphere, flew miles across the water, and hit the poor thing smack-bang in the chest. She felt so guilty when she finally tracked down the ball that she threw the dog’s body into the water in the green light picture (which I think still has it?) and replaced it with a new one before anyone could notice the difference. If you ask her about this, she will deny it, because she is repressing the memories, because she does not want to admit that there is blood on her hands. God will not spare her. She will burn for what she has done. He will show her no mercy.

5) One of Tom’s ponies doing the worm.

[t-j-eckleburg]

soo.... ill come over around 2am? sound good? :))

Perfect.

…And, hell. If you’re still here at 3am, we’ll even be able to watch all the queers across the way start drinking and having midlife crises. 💖💖💖

[t-j-eckleburg]

Hello Dr… Eckleburg?

How on earth did you manage to use Tumblr???

Well, anyway! Welcome! I hope the people here aren’t too rude!

-Jasper/Jamie

Beats me! They really let anyone on here nowadays, don’t they?

But thanks for the kind words, and don’t worry about the rude people. I can see their search histories.

[t-j-eckleburg]

no no... i dont think so!!! i mean, iii... i prefer older billboards, anyway

REALLY???

…Well, in that case, what are we waiting for? Come give these two eyes something worth seeing…🤭