tadpoleponders

[tadpoleponders]

I’m sobbing my eyes out right now I miss my baby girl so so fucking much it hurts so bad

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I love aging because I'm learning to love myself and see that all the things that the media has told me to be insecure about, like my stretch marks, my nose, my pores, my curls, visible hair follicles - I've learnt to stop giving a fuck and love myself so fully

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'i asked chatgpt' ok well i asked the trees that speak latin and they told me to tell you that you're a cunt

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Guy who is touch starved but emotionally repressed goading you into punching him for completely normal reasons

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How’re we doing my fellow SSRI people in the northern hemisphere of hot hot hell

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"With Hypnos, you share a Dreamlike bond."

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adam parrish the type of guy ethel cain would write a song about

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religious guilt induces a very specific kind of shame, especially when you’re queer. i think we can all agree that ronan lynch never felt the need to conform to heteronormativity or felt ashamed of being gay (at least, i really don’t). but guilt is etched into religious practice. the reason for that is: believing in god is being forever unable to escape him, it’s surveillance, it’s feeling watched and listened to all the time. would you share every thought you’ve ever had out loud? well, you don’t have to, god’s in your head. the privacy of intimate thought is not a thing for religious people. add that to social injunctions pressuring you, being a Teenager, trying to survive your trauma, and you get yourself a nice, ugly, inescapable spiral to fall into

there’s no guilt involved in that scene, but ronan praying for adam when he sees him for the first time is a good example of that, in my opinion. look, god, you’re seeing what i am seeing, right? you know how i feel already, you are omniscient, please, let me (fill in the blank: have him/keep him/understand myself)

sexuality wise, i always write older ronan as an exhibitionist not only because it’s hot but because i think a lot of us who grew up religious are used to performing for a transcendent gaze. sometimes, there’s solace in turning this into something erotic, because it gives you agency over your own wants, and in a way, frees you from the shame (again, especially if you’re queer, and subversion makes your blood run a lil hotter). i think that’s what ethel cain’s perverts is all about, actually

also, on that guilt thing, i really love the idea of ronan lynch feeling guilty for adoring someone other than god, not just loving but adoring; that ought to create crisis… that’s another root of religious guilt, being met with something, or someone, that makes you question your faith: god or being gay? god or being a sexual being? god or losing control? god or adam parrish? making it to that stage of “why would i chose? both give me happiness” is a tedious, solitary and anxiety-inducing process, but i strongly believe that ronan gets there pretty fast, mainly when he figures out that he is, in fact, a god of his own

[tadpoleponders]

Dru takes doll hunting very seriously and extremely literally.

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We have to put my baby girl down today and I’m really not doing well about it any grieving advice is greatly appreciated she’s basically my ESA she’s kept me from ending it multiple times. I know it’s for the better because she’s so old and I’m so much pain but god it hurts so much. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with which I know is really privileged of me… but it still hurts so fucking bad

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Unfathomable being.

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Oh no, you got isekaied into the last media you read/watch. You are now a background character dead center in the plot. Are you surviving.

Yes

No

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Tattoo commission 🍓

(+color ver just for fun)

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the gangsey, book 1 -> post book 4

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How do you do the stencils? I want to do diys but idk where to start without a printer

I'm sorry this took me two days to answer, I didn't really have the time to properly answer this until now.

You don't need a printer, I don't have one.

What you will need is

-Exacto knife

-Paper (funny enough I use printer paper)

- Masking tape

-Pencil

Can be optional but highly recommend

-Letter stencils

I got these letter stencils from a hardware store in two different sizes and I recommend ones like these

So, there are multiple different ways to get your stencil design. One of them is straight up just drawing what you want and then cutting it out. Using lettering to make whatever saying. If you want something more detailed or like a logo, you can use the computer. I just save whatever image I want, put it to the correct size I want, i then tape it to the screen (with masking tape), and then LIGHTLY trace it. (Here is an example)

So I put down whatever I want to make a stencil

After I have what I want, I cover the front and back of the paper with masking tape. This makes it stronger and stiff.

Then take my exacto knife and cut it out

And BAM easy stencil!

I do recommend taking a washable glue stick and gluing the stencil to the fabric before you paint. Helps it not move. But I hope this was helpful, happy crafting 👋

[tadpoleponders]

I love having a gay and trans sibling who I can freak out about Ethel Cain with it’s so healing for all the years we’ve spent in this shitty fucking household