#// he's grabbed something that makes sense to him and reanalyzing his past would just have him start doubting and questioning that

[twistedisciple]

13. A memory of a friend

Memories | not accepting

𝟦 Griss doesn’t remember much of him. Not his hair, his face, or even what his voice had sounded like. He knows that he was a few years older, or at least acted like it, and had scalloped fingernails. He knows that he had a brother who had lived at the monastery at some point, too. That’s what the others said, anyway.

“Your parents just gave up, huh?”

He remembers how he would ask everyone that, and stare at them and wait.

“Do you remember anything about your normal life?”

Griss had been on the other side of that probing stare once - the eyes of which could have been green, or maybe blue, or even red - but it was the dark splotch on his left cheek, like a forgotten smear of blood, that had sustained the years in his memory. He probably hadn’t given an answer. He probably hadn’t needed to. Those eyes could read words no one else knew, even the ones that had long-since faded beneath the surface of his skin. And yet every time he asked his questions, searching for something only he knew the shape of, he wouldn’t find it, and some deep, dark fissure inside of him grew longer and wider. He’d been punched in the mouth once, and Griss remembers wishing that he had been the one to do it.

He knows that he never talked about his past

(“What about your parents?”

“Remember what Father Laurel read at supper last night?”

“Something about the way trees grow.”

“Yeah. Many of them kill each other.”

“Oh, right.”

“I’ll never look at a tree the same way again.”)

because he had a way of slipping out of questions,

and he remembers how they used to argue

(“My hand hurts”

“That’s the point, right?”

“No, the point is learning to copy Gradlon’s manuscripts. Not write until our hands fall off.”)

even though he was always wrong.

He had liked him.

(an open copybook, the last 5 pages filled in by an inexperienced hand burgundy blooms in the margins)

Or maybe he had hated him.

(“Why did you tell?”

“...”)

But he had learned from him that the price of a bond is blood. And although he doesn’t remember the color of his eyes, the style of his hair, or where he had come from, he remembers his name, Lyco, because it had been etched across his back, stroke-by-stroke.

[dontgotothenetherworld]

beej x adam- adam's questioning his sexuality and beej's well being beej and adam soon discovers he's not straight- beej catches on and does anything and everything to get reactions out of adam. Smut scenes would be nice- but it's fine if you'd rather not.

questioning

no smut bc that shit makes me uncomfy but let’s see what i can do also i’m ignoring the “to get reactions out of adam” bc it doesn’t fit with how i’ve characterized beej. i hope you still enjoy!

takes place after the events of the musical

1167 words

cw: a little bit angsty. questioning adam. genderfluid beej.

beetlejuice was here. he was back. “hi.” he said in a nervous tone.

he looked… anxious. and regretful.

adam never thought he’d see beetlejuice again. he thought he’d never have to worry about that part of himself. he thought he would just be content with his wife for the rest of ever.

but the feelings flooded back. the good ones, the bad ones, the ones adam didn’t even want to acknowledge.

“why are you back?” barbara asked in a sympathetic voice.

beetlejuice took a second to collect himself, “i missed you guys. i missed all of you. the only friends i’ve had in a long, long time.”

friends. right.

beetlejuice looked like he was about to start crying, so adam reached out and gave him a hug. barbara soon after joined.

sniffling, beetlejuice asked, “can you get the deetzs in here?”

“yeah, of course.” said adam. he went upstairs to get lydia, and barbara went to the kitchen, where delia and charles were attempting to bake.

“beetlejuice!” lydia exclaimed as she ran to give the ghost a hug.

after the deetzs calmed down their reactions to seeing beetlejuice for the first time in months, beetlejuice began speaking, something he clearly had practiced before.

“i am severely sorry, to all of you. i was gross and selfish and i didn’t ever consider that what i was doing could hurt any of you. i understand if you don’t want to forgive me, or if you don’t want to speak to me again, but i’d like to try to explain it.” beetlejuice took a deep breath, “demons don’t have morals. they don’t have a sense of what’s right or wrong, or what, uh, emotionally hurts others. i did not realize that until i was alive. not only did i come to life, and was able to experience emotions, but i realized all the horrible things i’ve done as horrible.”

“oh beej, i forgive you.” delia said, pulling the suddenly small man into a hug.

slowly, as they processed what beetlejuice had said, the others joined the hug. lydia was next, then barbara, then charles. but not adam.

adam wasn’t sure if he forgave beetlejuice. he had a lot of emotions to work through.

as the group pulled away from beetlejuice, adam said, “i, um, need to think. i’ll talk to you later.”

adam felt like beetlejuice was at least owed an answer, whether he was forgiven or not, because he had clearly changed. adam respected that he was trying to be a better person.

adam made his way up to the attack, deep in thought. for the most part, adam had already decided he’d forgiven beetlejuice. he just wanted a sorry from him. but what he was trying to figure out, hardly had to do with beetlejuice.

he was trying to figure out himself. adam always had the privilege of not having to figure out his identity. he had fallen in love with barbara early on, and hadn’t thought about any kind of romantic feelings for anyone else ever since. because he didn’t have those feelings, at least he didn’t think so.

so adam started a step ahead of square one. he knew he was in love with barbara, and that he was attracted to beetlejuice, or at least he had been in the past. he was now reanalyzing his feelings for, well, everyone ever. 

about an hour later, beetlejuice knocked on the door to the attic.

“hey, adam, is now a good time to ta-” adam kissed beetlejuice.

adam quickly pulled away. “sorry, i won’t do that again. and speaking of that kind of stuff, i want you to apologize for every time you, you touched me without my consent.”

beetlejuice was confused. “you do realize what you sound like after that, right?”

“yes, and i said i’m sorry, it won’t happen again, i’m just trying to figure things out.”

“well i guess it’s lucky for you that i’m always okay with kissing you.” beetlejuice joked. he quickly switched to a serious tone, “and i really am so, so sorry that i kissed you and i groped you without your permission. i was only thinking about myself, but i don’t think that way anymore. i know that most of the time when a guy says he’s changed, he doesn’t really mean it and he’s just trying to get in the other person’s pants, but i promise that’s not what’s going on here. i just feel really guilty about what i’ve done, and apologizing is the only way i can reconcile that.”

“thank you.” adam said, unable to reach above a whisper. beeteljuice and adam were locked in eye contact.

“and um, if you don’t mind me asking, you don’t have to answer, but, uh, why did you kiss me?”

adam sighed, and sat down on the floor, gesturing for beetlejuice to sit next to him. he searched for the right words to say.

“i… don’t think i’m straight.” he said finally.

“oh? do you want to talk about it?” beetlejuice said, definitely feeling better about himself. this meant that adam liked him, right?

“i always thought i was straight, because i’ve always just been in love with barbara, y’know?”

“i don’t know, but continue.”

“but then you came around, and, well, i can’t deny that i’m attracted to you- which is why i kissed you, i was making sure i wasn’t confusing any emotions- but i’ve never been attracted to a man before, at least i didn’t think.”

“not to interrupt your thought process, but i’m not always a man. like, i have been basically the entire time you’ve known me, but i’m genderfluid. at least i think that’s what the breathers call it.” when adam gave beetlejuice a slightly confused look, he explained, “i used some of my time away to research.”

“well i don’t know if that complicates it more.”

“what were you going to say before i interrupted you?”

“well, um. i think i have been attracted to men before, but i just didn’t realize it.”

“really?”

“yeah, i’m only just now realizing that i definitely wanted to fuck my college roommate.”

“woah.” said beej, surprised with adam’s language.

adam laughed, “yeah. there’s also been random other guys too, but it’s mostly guys.”

“you’re mostly attracted to guys?”

“yeah, i think so. i just didn’t realize it because i didn’t think i was queer!” adam exclaimed. “wait, am i allowed to use that word?”

“i think so. i’m not really sure though.”

“yeah…” adam grabbed beetlejuice’s hand. “i don’t want to raise your expectations, even though i’m pretty sure i already have, but i need to talk to barbara about all this. i’m not going to, to be with you if she doesn’t say it’s okay.”

“wait, so…?”

“i don’t know. i’m figuring a lot of things out right now.”

“well, whatever it is you decide, i support you.” beetlejuice brought adam’s hand to his mouth, before stopping, “is this okay?” 

“yes.”

beetlejuice kissed adam’s hand.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy

incase you’re wondering, barbara fully supports adam & beej’s relationship, and adam decides he’s bi but has a preference for men. :)

[existential-fox]

Why is Reiner one of the best characters in SNK, and how does 95 show it?

Ha, do you really want me to go into it? Really? Ok.

The short answer is the layers and conflict/complexity of his personality. But let me expand on that.

I actually am of the opinion that SnK has a lot of good characters (Armin and Jean being two good examples) as the plot line allows for some characters to  face their own sedimented beliefs and reassess whether they are still true and where they want to go from that point on. An important aspect of all story telling and writing is conflict and this is what makes these character moments interesting. It’s interesting when Armin has to face the fact he’s killed a woman and assess what that makes him. It’s interesting when Jean has to face the fact that being in the Military Police isn’t an aspiration for him anymore due to the amount of death he’s now experienced. It’s interesting when Eren finds out he ate his dad and has to reanalyze what his place in the setting is in regards to his relation to his dad and his titan powers.

Which leads me to Reiner. Now subjectively Armin is actually my favourite overall partly because I have a soft spot for cowardly/insecure characters who grow into so much more and realise their potential. But Reiner is a good character due to the above reasons I’ve started to highlight.

1. Reiner is introduced as the stereotypical “big brother” type who is strong and brawny but a little bit of a goof at times. On my first watch/reading I didn’t pay him much attention because the focus was more on EMA and he didn’t appear to show any complexity to that stereotype. However this all begins to change when we reach the Utgard castle part of the story. We are introduced to the idea that Reiner has a tendency to “save people by putting himself in danger”. Ok nothing too strange for the big brother type character, but it’s the way Bert says it and then goes on to describe him as once being a Warrior rather then what he is now that clues us into something hiding underneath. We are given the idea that Reiner isn’t exactly what he says he is. Ymir’s conversation only supports this further, adding a feeling that Reiner is not truly “one of the 104th” as Eren is. What we once thought we knew about Reiner is challenged. And challenging what readers/viewers assume to be true is a way of peeking interest into a characters motivations.

2. Reiner is deeply, deeply troubled. I’m usually of the opinion that mental illness isn’t handled well at all in manga/anime and that it is especially questionable when it is an antagonist showing signs of it. But Reiner’s experience of it is presented in a way that doesn’t try to explain away his villainous actions, but instead highlights his trauma with what he has done and his conflict with what he’s had to face. Reiner is shown to be suffering rather then to be someone who is “psycho” and it’s refreshing. His experience of having dissociation episodes makes sense in the setting and plotline. He’s dissociating because he can’t deal with the guilt and emotions he feels when knowing he helped destroy the livelihoods of many of his peers. But he also throws himself into the Warrior personality completely because he can’t deal with the guilt or emotions associated with facing the fact his country and mother lied to him about Paradis and that he doesn’t fully believe them anymore. 

3. Nothing is black and white when it comes to Reiner. Before the Marley arc we might of been justified with seeing him as a full antagonist, someone who has caused EMA nothing but pain ( and that’s still true), but come the Marley arc we are introduced to the other side of things. That children on his side of things are brainwashed and convinced from an early age that their suffering is in large part due to the people of Paradis Island. That before he entered those walls he completely believed that what he was doing was a good thing because they were readying an attack that would cause the Eldians on his side great suffering. That the only way he and others could be seen as people was to enlist and devote themselves to the Marley. 

I don’t know about anyone else but reading all this made the Warrior Trio completely understandable. I’ve seen people comment on how they can understand the Warrior’s initial attack but question why they would continue to attack once they knew the people inside weren’t devils. The Marleyans are still the ones in power, who have power over their families and their future, who have power over their entire race on their side of things. I don’t think any of them had an easy time of it which is presented with Reiner’s dissociation, Annie’s guilt and remorse, and Bert’s reluctance to get close to others. But they were in a difficult situation. Something that hasn’t been explained yet is why when they saw Eren’s titan they decided to change the plan. They didn’t know at this point he had the Co-Ordinate. Could it be that they felt that grabbing the Attack Titan would be enough to get them out of there with minimum casualties and keep their families at home safe? That’s speculation but still. In summary for this part, no part of Reiner’s motivations is clear cut or right/wrong and that’s why he struggles so much. He has a lot to lose but not much to gain in the grand scheme of things.

4. Reiner’s past is an obvious foil to Eren. He wasn’t talented at any particular thing. He had a strong motivation to accomplish something no matter what. He was chastised for his passion and told to give up on it. He found out quite early on that a family member lied to him (though I do speculate that his mother was just deluded rather then lying) in the same way Eren found out his dad lied to him his entire life. He saw the opposing side as an unforgivable devil that needed to be taken care of, before finding out they were really human beings also suffering. Unlike Eren he has lost everything. Eren has Mikasa and Armin, and has achieved seeing the ocean. Reiner has lost the people close to him (Bert, Marcel, Annie if she counts) as well as the goal early on he wanted (reuniting his family with his dad) and now only has the crushing realization that he has fucking nothing left but to protect Gabi- his family member. You know earlier how I said Reiner has a saving people thing but it felt typical for his trope? There’s so much more to it then what was originally presented and that adds to his character. Reiner wants to be a hero because he’s never been able to be anything but a failure and/or devil early on in life. Even when he was selected to be a warrior he finds out that was a lie and he shouldn’t have had it. Then Marcel dies saving him. Reiner is desperately trying to be something (Marcel notably since he died protecting him) but he keeps failing- Annie and Bert being main examples of how he just can’t seem to save people. Gabi feels like it’s his last chance to accomplish something, anything, before he makes peace with dying.

5. Chapter 95 then. I think the whole Marley arc has added so much to his character but you asked specifically about this one so here we go…in Chapter 95 we learn that several people lied to Reiner- his mother about his father, Marcel about him being a true qualified warrior, to come- Marley about Paradis Island. But before we see the flashbacks we also see Reiner being a liar himself. Gabi questions him about lying in the previous chapter which he deflects. And we also witness in the Warrior meeting Reiner picking up on them being listened in on, which spurs him to interrupt Galliard and spout Marley loyalist talk, and I think we all know by now that Reiner doesn’t truly believe deep down in the greatness of Marley anymore. So what has Reiner become but a liar himself when what he experienced when young was people lying to him over and over? I said in a separate post that the greatest lie Reiner has experienced is the one he lives every day and this chapter highlights this. Reiner has never been able to completely be himself- on Paradis he had to lie about being an outsider and invader and pretend to be the big brother type, in Marley he has to lie about his experiences and loyalty to Marley. Lest we forget that the main talent Reiner was said to have in training was his loyalty to Marley- so where does that leave him now? Conflicted, lost, surviving, holding on to the last strands of control he has (Gabi’s inheritance), internally fucked up, questioning what is true while also questioning if he should be questioning anything, a shell of himself, the only one of the four who returned to Marley etc. etc. Even if Reiner did find the right answer to what he’s experienced (and that’s not really possible due to the lack of black and white I mentioned) he can’t do much about it. I think this chapter, more than others, highlights truly how little Reiner has had in terms of control over his life. And that lying and dissociating has been the way he has managed that troubling fact.

In conclusion I could say more to be honest but I think this is a sizable essay in itself, Reiner is a good character because he has always shown different sides to his personality, development, background, and motivations alongside being saturated in shades of grey. From the brawny brother guy in Utgard who apparently was once something more, to the messed up shell of a soldier who has lost everything and isn’t sure of the truth anymore. Reiner keeps everyone guessing, including himself, and the facts we are given now in the story only help to highlight previous story points more and more, adding depth and complexity to the antagonists and plot line. Subjectively you could say you don’t like him because he betrayed Eren, and that’s perfectly understandable, but I think it’s clear that in terms of story he is one of the characters with the most layers, conflict, and development and that’s why I feel he is one of the best.

*drops mic*