#<- said thru grit teeth and bloodshot eyes

[sanchoyo]

today is world donkey day apparently, so I was going to draw a lil doodle of mira with her donkey right. so I go 2 google it (have not googled her specific donkey type, the woolly páramo donkey, since I made her possibly, in like, ..2014?? usually I just type in baby donkey for refs, lmao)

and ive gone down a rabbit hole.

bear with me.

this is going to be a Long One.

there's almost NOTHING abt the 'woolly paramo donkey' on the internet. there's a blogsite from 2011 saying "Another endangered species of donkey is the Woolly Paramo Donkey. It can be found in high elevations of up to 3,000 m altitude and the permanent snow line of about 5,000 meters. It can be found in Colombia." which, I assume in 2014, when making Mira, I googled 'endangered donkeys' and this popped up. And I did not look further. until now.

if you google that passage, or anything related to páramo woollies, they just. don't seem to EXIST???! there's one page that copy and pastes the above paragraph word for word, but it was published in 2015, so. it also just scrubbed info from the aforementioned blog that seems to be run by a rando with no...sources or expertise at all....fabulous. okay. kept digging.

this page cites the pictured donkey as a woolly páramo donkey, except, that is in Ireland. not anywhere near páramo! (and sure, exporting animals is a Thing, but...the caption says its a subspecies of the paramo donkeys???!) (and, for the record, were going with the wiki's definition of paramo here: "A narrower term classifies the páramo according to its regional placement in the northern Andes of South America and adjacent southern Central America.") so we're looking for donkeys around there. more on that later.

but for now, The ENGLISH wikipedia page for Páramo (region) does not include ANYTHING about donkeys. which. if it was an endangered species, wouldn't it be notable?? however, the image the first blog uses...IS on wikipedia, and is cited. as being taken in 2007, possibly one of the earliest pics of said donkey type, and was in Chimborazo, Ecuador which iS IN THE PARAMO ECOSYSTEM OKAY WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. RIGHT. THERE'S DONKEYS THERE. I knew that from looking up travel iteraries around Columbia's paramo. what I need to know tho is...ARE THEY A SPECIFIC, ENDANGERED SPECIES/SUBSPECIES/ RARE BREED?! ANYTHING???

The guy who's credited with the photo...unless its a case of the same name (which would be a hell of a coincidence, in this case) has scientific papers out about the paramo region! but...I have to request access to them, and most of them are in spanish, and who knows if they mention donkeys at all or the guy just put pics of them on wikipedia to be nice. like, I know donkeys do live there, but it doesn't seem to be a specific species, more like this is 'a woolly donkey of the paramo region' from the translation of the title of the photo. woolly donkeys can be anywhere!

WELL. the wikipedia photo is used on the ITALIAN WIKIPEDIA PAGE FOR PARAMO. and it lacks info which makes me scream. just calling it a 'woolly paramo donkey' and not elaborating is EVIL is it a reg donkey or NOT

looking into woolly donkeys alone, which I KNOW are a thing, this page cites the miniature woolly variation as rare, saying there are only 400-ish in the US. cool, that's a rare breed, if true. different from being an endangered species, though!!! totally different thing!!! and that linked page is from a breeder with no cited sources, and their last news update was...2019.

the smithsonian estimates miniature donkeys in general to at 10,000-20,000, so 400 of those being woolly seems to be..lowballing the amount of woollies? possibly? seems very low...esp for something with high cuteness appeal that would be a hit at fairs, competitions, or petting zoos. but if true thats at least...a rare breed... which is something...

(there are Poitou donkeys, if nothing else, which are confirmed to be a Thing, woolly, and endangered. quite frankly if I was going to change her to any other donkey, this would be it. its not on the red data list, but it is on the FAO endangered list, which is like. close enough yk?)

back to the paramo donkeys specifically. in my desperation, I asked bing's AI to scrub the web for ANYTHING about them. not that AI is always right, but it is Fast. it said "There is no scientific record of a species known as the “Woolly Paramo Donkey” living in high altitudes or near permanent snow." which...yeah. starting to Doubt it's existence. by this point.

just when I thought 'this thang isn't real, oh god I might have to pick a new donkey for Mira.....' I Found it somewhere unexpected.

a blog post about farmville 2. yeah the old facebook game! why is it here???! the game came out in 2012, so it had to be pulling the name from an earlier source, and was not where the blogs were getting their info (and thank god for that) but...even looking into reputable sources for THAT is hard to find??! its not on the farmville 2 wiki (LMAO) there's other species of donkey on the game, but none matching these low res pics that pop up on random cheatcode blogs when I look for possible sources?

both of these images/img descriptions call it the woolly paramo donkey. and seem to be reasonably well rendered, and can be found across a few other farmville 2 blogs/guides... (the first img being a baby, the scond being adult vers) I can't really imagine boomers who play farmville going to the effort to photoshop fake upgrades in 2012 for farmville 2... but its not on the fan wiki, which usually cite their sources. I am not playing farmville 2 to investigate this further, but its WEIRD!!! esp since farmville does have woolly donkeys, and the above are NOT just colorovers of them! where...where was farmville drawing the "woolly paramo donkey" name from.

anyway, enough about farmville it really isnt THAT important but it blows my mind the name woolly paramo donkey slipped into there somehow. how. who. & its supposedly in a game called 'island paradise' but I couldn't find pictures of it. but its got its own wiki fan page as well...??

so, anyway, back to the actual research, here's a map of where the paramo ecosystem is. and a map from 2018 on a reputable government website regarding donkey populations. (most recent study I could find, unfortunately!) there could very well be an endangered or at least rare subspecies/breed of donkey around there! (by the way, there ARE woolly MONKEYS around the area. surely no one with dyslexia like me read monkeys as donkeys and ran with it right. RIGHT.)

but...there's not one listed under the red data list's website under the name paramo or even any woollies. tbf, the red data website is moreso for wild animals, rather than rare domestic breeds). so I thought hm. okay. time to try something else. I checked for endangered south american donkeys in general. narrowed it down by possible countries. I checked every search engine I have bookmarked, including one that searches for scientific articles/books exclusively. I checked the dang wikipedia list of donkeys. (which, by the way? severely lacking info in general)

NOTHING. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE WOOLLY PARAMO DONKEY BREED, EXCEPT CITED ON THOSE RANDOM BLOGS, AND THAT SINGLE WIKIPEDIA PHOTO. unless...the region it would be in would be spanish-speaking.... there MIGHT be websites on it that I can't even read or find because I'm not using the right terms...OOF. I tried a few words for donkey (burro, burra, burrico,) paired with paramo, and I just kept getting a book result. Pedro Páramo by Juan Rulfo. not related at all, sadly, just includes a donkey in the story and the word paramo in the title.

I guess u could say the woolly paramo donkey was just a mirage? :) (loud booing)

anyway, all of this to say, the breed is most likely not real, or if they are, not documented online. from what I can tell, it seems to just be that woolly donkeys in general are rare, and while they do live in that area, are not proper endangered animals/species if we want to get hung up on semantics. but I'm not changing it for the comic. having her be a (possibly) fake donkey breed is objectively kind of funny, and it was already mentioned in chapter 1!

unless shirogane has decoy DNAs in the event of a break in and that was one of them. oops, all placebo. her mew power comes from, like, the power of belief or whatever. joke joke joke this is not lore its a joke

whatever. I had fun digging for a while! happy world donkey day. petition for a donkey emoji btw ^_^

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Divide-Chapter Eight- Eraser

Laurel walked out the door and Harry crumpled to his knees. He had not a clue as to what was going on. She’d barely spoken a word while she was in his house but was clearly distressed. At first he figured she was just torn between him and Willy. Laurel was a good girl, he was surprised that she had even come on to him while she was clearly with someone else. Whatever was going on though, it seemed a bit grander than just a decision between two boys.

Harry hauled himself up from his knees and took a note from every romantic comedy his family had ‘made’ him watch. He opened the door and went after her. “Laurel!” he rushed into the rain and felt the chill of the stones seep into his bare feet. He ran anyway. “Laurel,” he called louder, but by the time he reached the street he couldn’t see the silky black fall of her hair. There were cabs on the street, but he couldn’t possibly stop them all, had no hope of picking the right one. His shoulders deflated and his head dropped on his neck.

He trudged back into his house and nearly cried when he caught her scent in the air. All that was left to do was try. He picked up his phone and pulled up her contact. “Laurel, I’ve no idea what is going on. Please let me know you are ok. I’m here, whatever you need,” he meant every word but was sure this was all just too little too late.

Harry made his way back up to his bedroom and continued his packing. He had an early morning flight to begin promo. It was the culmination of a year of extremely hard work that he was proud of. But, it didn’t sit right.

The phone was in his hand before he had made a conscious decision to call. “Jeff, something has come up. I need a day to try to fix it. Can you make it happen.”

Harry could hear Jeff’s sigh from 4,000 miles away. “You have an extremely early interview in two days Harry. I can’t change it. If we cancel it’ll diminish your credibility. Zayn has already burned some bridges for you.”

Harry grit his teeth. “Can I take a red eye, I’ll go straight from the airport to the appointment.”

“It’s that important?” Jeff asked.

“It’s that important.” Harry said with unmistakable intent.

“As your manager, I advise against it. As your best friend, I’ll make it happen. Hope it works out with Laurel,” Harry could hear Jeff s grin.

“Who said anything about Laurel?”

“Harry, I know you think you hide things well, but you are as subtle as a drunken toddler. I’ve heard her name nonstop lately. I’m booking you a flight out tomorrow night. Don’t miss it,” Jeff hung up and Harry threw his phone down before changing into street clothes, his ever present grey hoodie, sunglasses and a coat.

The black SUV purred to life beneath him and he text Ed.

“Do you know where Laurel is?” Harry rushed out.

“No mate, she called in today, sounded like proper shit,” Ed confided.

“Look, I know this is a shit request, but I can’t find her and need to. I need Willy’s number.”

The hiss Ed let out made Harry shake his head, “I’m worried. She came by and broke down and left. Something is wrong. Never seen her act like that. Please Ed,” Harry’s voice had an edge he hadn’t heard since his mom told him no about trying out for ex factor until he passed his GSCE’s. This was a tad more serious.

“Ok, I’ll send it to you. Don’t fuck it up mate, he’s good for her,” he warned.

Calling Willy was a last resort, so he went to her apartment first. He banged on the door until the neighbor came out, a curse on her lips until she got that shocked look people got when they looked at him.

“Have you seen Laurel, the girl who lives here?” he asked politely.

“No, been home all day, she left early,” the blonde returned. Harry turned to go, “Harry, can I have an autograph. I love you,” she flapped her hands and he saw it coming, the full on freak out. He really didn’t want to, but he stopped and signed and kissed her cheek.

“Please, tell Laurel I was here.”

“I will, I even have proof,” the neighbor girl hopped onto her toes.

He wanted to smile, but found he couldn’t muster one.

After he left her place, he was at a loss. He was shit, and he knew it, but when you couldn’t find the girl you loved and realized you had no idea about where she might be, who she saw, where her family was, you realized how shit.

He tried social media and sent Hail Mary messages to several people who appeared on her pages often. But, who would believe Harry Styles was messaging them. It was funny, it was apparently so many people’s dream, but no one believed him when he did it.

When no leads seemed promising, he headed home and opened a bottle of whisky. He needed a pain eraser. He steadily made his way through the bottle.

By 3AM, no one had gotten back to him and he was a drunken mess. Harry stumbled to a guest room, he didn’t want to see the mess they had left behind any more. Her wet clothes were strewn about and his bed looked like it had seen a reconciliation.

When he woke up, hungover and humbled by the pool of vomit nearby, he opened his phone with hope of something.

None of his messages had been returned. He tried Laurel once more. It went straight to voicemail. Harry flopped his way through a shower and left with wet hair, running through a drive thru and choking down fast food to try to cover up last night’ sins.

At Laurel’s apartment there was no answer, again. It was nearing on 3 and he needed to get his bags and go. Harry swallowed his pride and climbed into his truck to make the call.

“Ello,” the pretty slur met his ears.

“Hi, is this Willy?” Harry forced out.

“Yes, who is this?” Willy responded.

“This is Harry, Harry Styles. Listen, this is strange, but, I can’t find Laurel and I’m worried about her.”

“Laurel? And why are you looking for her?” Willy’s voice had a bite to it now.

“Um….I saw her yesterday and she was upset. I just want to be sure she’s ok,” Harry finished lamely as he turned over his engine.

“I have not seen her, or heard from her. Did you upset her? How do you know her? She has been different since we met you at the show?” The accusation was hard to ignore.

“No, no mate, she was already upset when I saw her, she was more upset when she left though–”

“Listen,” Willy interrupted, “Harry,” he enunciated the second syllable disdainfully, “I will find My Laurel. And if she wants to speak with you, I’m sure she’ll call.” And the line disconnected.

“Fuck,” Harry hit his wheel, that door was closed. Could he have fucked this up more. He drove home distracted and grabbed his bag. When his car arrived he shoved it into the boot and did a final check that the house was shut up for the two months he’d be away.

On the way to the airport and while he waited for his flight, he texted and called Laurel.

He drank his way to sleep again as the plane took off. Harry made it to the interview, but it was not the conquering success it should have been. His bloodshot eyes and whiskey breath led to more press speculation than when he’d gotten on that yacht.

His debut single came out and was met with acclaim and sales. Thank god, because his promo was abysmal. He was distracted and half drunk for a month. If the music hadn’t been so strong, he may have been classified another boy band flop.

Still no word from Laurel.

That first month of his solo career everyday it was another pill to take the pain away. Another drink to erase the pain. All his hard work was buckling and he felt like even people who should be proud, weren’t.

After 5 weeks of bad behavior he woke up to a freezing glass of water thrown on his face and Gemma’s cold eyes.

“Get up, you arse,” she said when she saw him turn back into the pillow.

In the living room of his hotel suite sat his mum, Gemma, and Jeff.

“Alright, enough feeling sorry for yourself my boy. What in the name of God is going on?” His mother asked without so much as a hug.

“I can’t find her, she’s disappeared,” he whispered as he folded himself into the adjacent arm chair.

“Who?” Gemma asked.

“Laurel.”

“Who?" Gemma asked again.

Harry shook his head and began, “my, my, I don’t know, the girl I love. I broke her heart I think. But the she seemed ok, moved on, but then she came to me and something was wrong. But I can’t find her. No one seems to know where she is or they are not telling me. I’m so fucking worried.”

“This the girl you came home to lick your wounds about, love?” His mom asked.

Harry nodded.

“You couldn’t fix it?” Anne’s voice was soft.

“I don’t even know what to fix,” Harry croaked.

“Harry,” Jeff sat up straighter and leaned in, "do we need to get you some help buddy? We,” he pointed to himself and the seated ladies seated beside him, “are worried about you.”

“No, no, I’ll pull it together,” he promised and he meant it. It was time to crawl out of the bell jar. The conversation continued and over room service he explained the situation to his mom and sister. He never wanted to see their disappointment so plainly again.

Jeff went home and his mum and sister stayed the weekend. On Sunday, after he walked them to the door, he hugged them goodbye tightly saying his thanks. Gemma pressed something into his hands.

“Maybe find a better way to cope, arse face.”

He looked down after she boarded the lift and found a new leather bound journal.

It took a few days, and a radical alcohol flush, of both his body and hotel room, but Harry was feeling better. He still hadn’t heard from Laurel. But he’d found comfort in the writing, a new pain eraser. He wanted to check on her, but couldn’t find it in himself to call Willy again.

He returned home in a few weeks. Harry promised himself he’d find her then.

Two days before his flight home, Ed texted him.

He’d found Laurel, but the press clipping attached broke Harry’s heart further.

Harry called Jeff, he needed to get home now, Somethings could not wait.