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I am Kind Not Complacent Chpt 2

I am Kind not Complacent chpt 2

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Heimdall gow x reader

word count: 6 k

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hello and thank you to every single person who has liked, commented, and reblogged my silly little story. I'm so glad I can make a few people smile and share my little fic. if anyone would like me to tag them to make finding the next chapter easier in the future please don't be afraid to ask!

as always, enjoy and have fun reading!

@engardeitsme as always, love bouncing ideas off and getting to share stuff with you before I post it! thank you for helping again! @lunaryasha @nokolla I hope you enjoy Thank you so much for your support and kind words <3

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As YN got closer to the training grounds, Her limbs got ridged and her steps were more sluggish.

“Um, Mal?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t think I can do this.” She froze in her tracks, whimpering as Mal tried to move her forward. She sighed and grabbed hold of the girl’s arm. YN leaned against her pulling, digging her heels into the mossy floor. “I-I mean I’ve only fought to get away, I don’t know anything about combat!” she looked up at Mal pleading, Her cheeks going rosy in embarrassment, “A-and I don’t know these people…” Mal huffed, looking back at Thor and Heimdall as they seemed to be waiting for YN, getting more and more annoyed the longer she took to get there. 

“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice really, do you? No come on, I'll introduce you. But you need to act properly. They are the Aesir princes and as someone under Asgard they now rule over you as well, you should know,” Mal tried to encourage the girl while also pressing it was important not to keep the princes waiting, “I’m sure they won’t go hard on you, dear little thing.”

“Oh? Are they nice?” YN asked, a bit hopeful. Mal looked at her as if she had grown a second head.

“Ni-? No, they’re princes. But you’re so small and sweet, so they may lose interest in you. Where did you say you were from again?”

“Vanaheim.”

“...Mmh,” Mal just hummed, now getting s bit nervous herself for the girl.

YN frowned at Mal’s lack of help. She almost felt like she was going to throw up. Meeting new people? who were mean? And she had to spare with them? 

“B-but why do I have to? Why now? I-I just got here, d-don’t you think-”

“Ah ah ah, don’t you go doing that negotiating thing. I saw what you did at breakfast. Now let’s hurry on, I rather not keep the Aesir princes waiting.” YN swallowed thickly, looking down at her feet as she allowed Mal to drag her the rest of the way. They stopped at the edge of the sparing area, where the dirt had gone wet and muddy from constant trampling. Thor quickly blocked a hit from young Heimdall and looked over at Mal and the girl. 

“Lord Thor, Lord Heimdall,” Mal lowered her head and put her hand on YN’s head to elicit a bow as well. “This is YN, a guest of the All-Father’s. She is to train with you today for an introduction to Aesir's fighting tactics.”

“Took you long enough, come here, I don’t have all day.” Thor didn’t even glance an eye at Mal, his focus purely on YN who gulped as he pointed to a spot at his feet. Heimdall didn’t even spare her a glance as he made his way to the opposite side of the circle across from Thor. YN felt Mal give her one more nudge as she finally moved to stand in front of the thunder god. 

“I will take my leave,” Mal stated, before turning back towards the great lodge. YN tightened her fists as she watched Mal retreat. Thor crossed his arms as the girl stood in front, craning her neck up at him. She gulped and dipped into a deep bow. ‘Just introduce yourself, don’t speak too much, and maybe this won’t be so bad. Maybe they’ll go easy if I’m polite.’ YN thought she heard a scoff come from behind her at the thought. But that was impossible. 

“Hello, my name is YN of Vanaheim and I am the goddess of peace. I was brought here to-” She peeked up at the sound of Thor clicking his tongue in annoyance or boredom, she wasn’t sure. She swallowed thickly, focusing on her feet, “U-um to be of assistance in some way t-to the All-Father?”

Yn gasped at a sudden large hand on her shoulder, roughly twisting her to face the blond boy on the other side of the sparing circle, and nearly tripped into the mud as she was shoved forward. 

“Quickly, let’s see where you are. Heimdall, keep her face intact. We don’t want to be scolded by Father, do we?” YN could almost hear the smirk in Thor’s voice and tried not to show her fear as the boy in front of her picked up two swords, the blades dulled for training. He tossed one to the girl and she caught it before it hit the ground, surprised at the weight of it. YN was shocked as the boy seemed to disappear from in front of her and yelped as she was kicked sharply in the back, skidding in the mud but staying on her feet. She whipped around to see Heimdall starting to circle her, smirking with his lips but glaring at her intensely. 

“Gods you pathetic. ‘Maybe I’ll go easy if you’re polite’? Ha!” he laughed sarcastically, before sneering and rushing YN. She moved quickly to try and block, their swords straining against each other as he leaned in, overpowering her easily. 

“Wh-what are you talking about?” Her eyes widened as she processed his words. What would happen if she failed? Would she be shunned again, would she be shut out? Didn’t she want to go home? Why did the thought of isolation suddenly scare her so much?

She thought of how to get out of the stalemate, wanting to parry and jump back to put some distance so she could have more options. But as she moved to do so, Hiemdall was quick to twist her around and shove her back from him. While she stumbled, her back turned, he moved quickly again, grabbing her by a fistful of hair and kneeing her hard in the ribs.

“And thinking we could ever get along? That you’ll ever belong here? Don’t make me laugh. Crawl on your belly like a dog and maybe I’ll tell the All-Father to send you back to your hovel in one piece, Vanir scum.” there was venom in his voice. Even at this young age, godly strength knocked the air out of her and she sputtered, coughing up drops of blood onto his once pristine tunic. He scoffed in disgust and pushed her back. Her mind raced as her vision blurred. She dissected the situation, his movements, reaction time, and words. She caught her breath, feeling him approach again behind her, and whipped around, knocking him in the brow with the hilt of her sword. Heimdall stumbled back in a daze and stared at the girl in disbelief. He wasn’t planning on retaliation, so he had stopped reading her movements. 

He watched her as she panted, her face contouring into a snarl as she squared her shoulders and changed her stance from submissive to feral; like a beast trying to get away from a hunter. Desperate, scared, angry. 

“That’s a dirty trick,” she growled out, straightening to stare into his eyes, “you have some nerve crawling into spaces you’re not welcome.” he was caught off guard by the statement, shocked that she had found him out so quickly. Thor meanwhile just rolled his eyes on the sidelines, thinking his brother was a fool for talking too much and revealing his hand so easily. Heimdall flushed in embarrassment as he heard Thor’s thoughts prodding into his head and growled, lunging in frustration. YN was able to narrowly dodge and the two circled each other.

“You catch on fast,” Heimdall offered with a sneer.

“You talk too much,” YN bit back, guarding her body just in time as Heimdall attacked again. 

Thor noticed the following pattern:

Heimdall would always attack first, getting a few good hits in. he moved fast, and precise; then got cocky and didn’t remember to put space between him and his opponent. He had a bad habit at his young age of underestimating enemies and didn’t use his foresight as fluidly as he should be,(or so Odin thought, and told Thor to push him harder.)

YN was the opposite. She seemed to almost run away, backing away and refusing to keep her eyes off her opponent for as long as possible, and constantly whipping around to try and keep up. She would try to defend herself, taking a slash to the arm, or leg while protecting her core, and when Heimdall got careless she would go in to retaliate. Her movements were hard-hitting and violent, going for jabs hard enough to push Heimdall across the field or knock the air out of his lungs. That said, she was precise in her own way. Thor also noticed that as Heimdall seemed not to care where he hit the girl, aiming for arteries, joints, and soft spots; she only aimed for places that would discombobulate him, throw him off balance, and put space between them. Thor stroked his beard in thought, calling out to Heimdall. 

“You need to use your powers, Heimdall,” He scolded, “you underestimate too much, and you need to do so quickly, process the information, and act accordingly.”

“Underestimate?” Heimdall scoffed and dropped his stance to stifle a sarcastic laugh. YN stiffened at the mockery and growled.

“Well, what kind of god who can read minds lets his opponent land hits on him?” She barked, blocking another attack and ducking to elbow him in the side.  Heimdall was quick to pary and kicked against the length of her sword, knocking her off balance.

“Maybe you just think yourself too highly. What is a goddess of peace supposed to be able to do in a real fight? You haven’t attacked me once! Goddess of pushovers more like!” He cackled, nearly doubling over. YN dropped her stance, her cheeks searing red in anger and embarrassment. 

“Try goddess of logic and tactic, you oaf!” Her heart pounded in her ears as her anger started to rise. She wanted to stand up for herself. She wanted to reason with him. She wanted to rip his tongue out from his teeth and-

“Ooh! Such snark! Not very peaceful of you, Queen Kindness ~” 

“I’m warning you!” ‘Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Don’t let your anger get the best of you. It will only end badly. Just breath.’

“Oh or what? You’ll sign a peace treaty? Bake me a cake? Cry and beg for forgiveness?” Heimdall was almost out of breath from laughter, and YN saw red. Suddenly time stood still as Heimdall’s laughter was cut off by a mound of mud flying into his face. YN watched satisfied as the dirt dripped down his chin and smeared down the front of his tunic. 

Thor snorted and threw his head in laughter as he watched Heimdall swipe his hand down his face, his fiery pink eyes searing holes into the girl's face. 

“I told you to shut up!” she shouted, She reeled her hand back with another pile of mud. Heimdall dodged, running at her full force and grabbing her face, slamming her down into the mud. 

“You repulsive little worm.” he snarled, watching her sink into the ground under his weight. With her face still covered under his palm, she blindly grabbed another fistful and slammed it into the side of his head, knocking him off of her and deafening him in one ear momentarily. Thor was wheezing, doubled over the fence. YN stood slowly, the weight of water and dirt seeped into her clothes and hair dragging her down. She looked down at her grimy hands and shook them once, spraying mud and hitting Heimdall with droplets of muck.

“I don’t bake cake” she stated, smearing mud off her face nonchalantly. “But you’ll find I’m quite good at mud pies,” She smirked as Heimdall shook his head, regaining his senses. The next three minutes were full of pure chaos.

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“ Sire, are you certain that Lord Thor and Lord Heimdall were the best suited for the job of testing the girl’s abilities?” A man with curved horns spoke, walking a foot behind Odin at all times. 

“Of course. Heimdall and her are nearly the same age, so it’s a fair fight wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes sir, but Heimdall is young and doesn’t know how to hold back at times. That with his fighting prowess and Thor’s…buffoonery, may cause a bit of disastrous cocktail.” Odin laughed at Mimir’s statement, holding his belly. 

“I always appreciate your bluntness, dear friend!” Odin regains his composure with a sigh, still smiling slightly. “That may be true, but I need Heimdall to read the girl’s mind. And because he is progressing so slowly, he still needs to be close and be able to concentrate, making the whole ordeal less than ideal. And Thor? He’s just grounded and I knew he would hate the job of babysitting.” Mimir frowned at this, not sure why Odin was so carefree about having his two most hot-headed sons be with their new guest. “ I fear Tyr or Baldur would go far too easy on the poor creature. I need results quickly to see where she stands. I just hope they haven’t beaten her too badly.”

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 Mud flew in every direction, both from wads being thrown at each other, or residual splatter from tackling each other into the ground and wrestling each other like feral little goblins.

“Ugh!! You are such a little weasel!” YN screamed as Heimdall managed to slip behind her, shoving mud down the back of her shirt, but not before she flipped around and tackled him to the ground, shaking his shoulders violently and slamming him into the mud. He growled, his eyes glowing as he flipped her over, pinning her to the ground under his hips and yanking her hair, smearing it with dirt. 

“Oh yeah!? Well, you’re nothing but a squawking raven!” 

YN reached up, yanking at Hiemdall’s mud-caked hair, pulling so they flipped and rolled across the floor. Heimdall elbowed her in the eye. She yelped and punched him in the nose, pinning him to the ground, and closed the gap between them. Her hands found home around his throat and she didn’t feel herself squeeze, tighter, tighter, tighter. Heimdall gasped for air, kneeing her in her already bruised ribs. She screamed out in pain, her grip loosening and Heimdall threw her off, making her skid into the mud, curling up in pain as her side throbbed. 

“Hey, alright, that’s enough,” Thor called, getting closer to the two, still chuckling at the state of his brother. Heimdall heaved, grabbing a sword that lay forgotten in the mud. 

“Heimdall, come on, put the sword down,” Thor spoke firmly this time, reaching to grab the sword, Heimdall yanked free of his hold and trudged over, raising the sword above his head to swing down, YN nursed her side and prepared to dodge and tackle him again. 

“Heimdall!”

“ What is the meaning of this!?” A voice boomed, making the children both freeze. YN watched as Heimdall’s eyes widened in horror, dropping the sword and stepping away from her immediately, getting down on one knee in the mud and bowing his head, eyes screwed to the ground. Thor followed, not even the hint of a smile on his face anymore. YN finally looked up, seeing Odin approaching with a scowl on his face, followed by a man with curved horns atop his head, his eyes shining with what looked like opals. 

Odin turned immediately to Thor, his arms crossed and his foot tapping as he waited impatiently for an answer. Thor straightened, deciding to look at the children instead of his father.

“They were just sparing, All-Father. Nothing but some roughhousing.”

“Roughhousing?” Mimir drawled out as he walked closer to YN. “They’re covered head to toe in filth. And this one’s eye is swollen shut!” He grabbed YN's face to get a good look at the bruising. He tutted and walked over to Heimdall, looking him over as well. Heimdall winced as the man checked his nose. “Oh lovely,” he spoke sarcastically, looking back at Thor and Odin. “his nose is broken!”

Odin sighed, bordering on a groan as he pinched the bridge of his nose. YN couldn’t explain it but despite what only looked like mild frustration, there seemed to be electricity in the air. She was not blind to the way Heimdall seemed to cower under his father’s gaze, and Thor seemed so small all of a sudden in the All-Father’s presence. The way everyone reacted to him unnerved YN and she hated the feeling of tension closing in on everyone.

“Boys, I told you to train her, not maim her. Mimir helps her up, will you?” 

Mimir gently grabbed her arm, helping her to stand, and walked her over to Odin’s side. 

“ S-sir it was my fault. I-I’m no good at fighting! I fought desperately and my temper got the better of me, I’m deeply truly sorry.” She tried to reason. Heimdall peaked up at her, confused as to why she would bother to take the blame. She didn’t know him or his brother. Didn’t she know what would happen if she spoke out of turn? Heimdall couldn’t help the pang of jealousy he felt at the way his father acted towards the girl. How his voice softened. Was she manipulating him? Heimdall tried reading her mind but he was still dazed from the scuffle the two had had. 

Odin cut off the girl’s apologies by holding his hand up, shushing her silently. 

“ I won’t hear it. You are a guest and in a strange new land. You were taken from your home and told to fight without any time to understand what was going on. I simply wasn’t thinking. And for that, I am sorry. I was supposed to come here to introduce you and watch you spar, not fight! But I thought to myself, ‘Surely my sons will do well in some friendly competition. I mustn’t worry so much!’ Isn’t that what I said, Mimir?”

“Yes, sir.” Mimir nodded, but YN felt his hand tense against her shoulder. Odin nodded and scowled at Heimdall and Thor, shaking his head with a sigh.

“But I suppose I was wrong to trust them with such a simple task.” YN was caught off guard as she felt Odin’s hand rest on her head.

“Are you alright, child?” YN looked up at him and nodded meekly. He smiled and pushed the girl over towards the two still bowing in the dirt. “Get up.” They stood quickly. Thor looked his father in the eyes, while Heimdall struggled to do the same, his hands squeezed tight at his sides. Odin nudged the girl forward. “I’d like all three of you to apologize to each other.” 

At this, the girl immediately bowed, apologizing for letting things get out of hand. Now that her anger had subsided all she felt was anxiety at the tension in the air. YN wanted nothing more than to apologize and hopefully get along with everyone. She turned to Thor and looked up with big round eyes. 

“ I apologize, Lord Thor, for not paying better attention to your encouragement and advice, and instead letting my nerves take over. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to teach me.” Thor let out a harumph, looking away. But then sighed and lowered his head in a passive bow.

“Yeah… sorry I didn’t keep a better eye on you both.” Odin scoffed, not satisfied but knowing that was the best he’d get out of Thor. He looked down at Heimdall expectantly, who just seemed to be frozen in place. Yn stuck out her hand as a peace offering. 

“I’m deeply sorry, Lord Heimdall. I hope I didn’t hurt you too badly.” Heimdall tsked at the statement and didn’t move. YN looked him in the eyes and he heard her thoughts.

‘I know you can hear me. Shake my hand, and play along. Unless you want to get in more trouble.’ He clicked his tongue in annoyance but with the nudge of her thought and the searing eyes of his father, he grabbed her hand and shook it.

“No my…lady…” he strained with a smile, his brow twitching “The fault is mine for thinking you could withstand a fight with me. I must remember that you are a woman, and therefore, weak and delicate. Like a baby bird,” She smiled back, squeezing his hand so tight that the tip of her fingers turned white. 

‘I’ll show you delicate, you little weasel.’She thought, her brow twitching as she pried her hands away and noticed him flex his hand subtly at his side to subside the aching of her anaconda squeeze.

“There, see? All better now! Mimir, take our guest to the infirmary will you?” Mimir nodded, guiding YN away. When they were out of earshot, Odin’s smile disappeared and he looked at his sons expectantly. 

“What have you learned?”

“She is reactive in her fighting.” Thor started his report, “ only attacking after her opponent makes a move. Otherwise, she’s a bit of a chicken shit. Kept running away from Heimdall until the only choice was to fight back.” 

“Hn…” Odin looked down at the younger boy. “So she was trying to run away and you still ended up like this? Honestly, Heimdall.”

“B-but father-“

“ I don’t want to hear it.” Heimdall shut his mouth stiffly. Odin repeated his original question, directing all his attention to Heimdall. The boy swallowed thickly and remembered her thoughts and the way they rushed one after the other.

“She…she’s a goddess, and she’s from Vanaheim. She wanted to avoid fighting me, kept trying to find a way to introduce herself, and thought being polite would stop me from hurting her. She kept trying to calm herself down, so I provoked her to see where she would go from there. She’s hotheaded and immature. I don’t think she can be trusted. You should just send her back.” Heimdall fidgeted as he spoke and Odin lost his patience, grabbing the boy’s chin roughly to look up at him. 

“Unfortunately that’s not in the cards just yet, son. She’s a child, and a goddess, therefore powerful and unpredictable. We need to keep an eye on how she grows and see if we can use her for the betterment of Asgard before one of our enemies finds her and uses her against us. You understand, don’t you?” Odin squeezed Heimdall’s chin as he posed the question. Heimdall whimpered slightly at the pain of Odin’s bony fingers digging into his skin and just barely was able to nod. Odin abruptly released his son, smiling brightly. “Good. So then, anything that we can use to get her to trust us? Get her to work with us?” Heimdall nodded again, reaching up to rub his sore chin. 

“She’s very lonely and pathetic…, which you can use to gain her trust, All-Father.  She seems passive in her solutions but she is also quick to anger and frustration so it would be important to keep that in mind during any negotiations…” 

Odin looked down at his son, taking in the information. He hummed in satisfaction and nodded.

“ alright. Good. I can work with that.” With that, Odin turned to walk away, paused, and spared Heimdall a glance over his shoulder. “Clean yourself up. You’re filthy.”

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“What’s his problem, anyway? Is everyone in Asgard as… volatile?” YN asked as Mimir prepared an ice pack for her. He snorted and shook his head. 

“Heimdall is a special cocktail of issues, lass. Best to keep away from him. He’s a spoiled little prince, and I’m afraid the way he’s going it will only get worse.” He walked over to her with a white cloth. He dipped it in a bowl of warm water, rang it out, and pressed it to the girl’s swollen eye. She hissed, pulling away slightly, but Mimir kept her head gently in place, blotting the wound. “Stay still, I know it stings but I need to get all the dirt and blood off.” YN stayed tense but allowed Mimir to clean the wound. There was silence in the room, save for the slow trickle of water from the towel being run out every once in a while. YN interrupted the quiet.

“Are you allowed to say that about the princes?” She asked meekly, looking up at Mimir with her good eye. He raised a brow, dipping the cloth in the water again and going back to cleaning.

“Are you going to rat me out?” He posed, grabbing the ice he had prepared and holding it up to her face. YN shook her head slightly and smiled as Mimir simply shrugged, “Then I have nothing to worry about. Besides, my loyalties lie with the All-Father, not his band of brats. Like I said, best to just keep away.” YN thought for a moment and shook her head, holding the ice to her face as Mimir walked away to grab some medicine for the cuts on her face.

“That doesn’t seem right. Why should they be able to do whatever they want at the expense of others? Because they’re royalty? They should be held to even higher standards considering the power they have.” 

“What we think is right and what will end up happening are two different things. Best to forget the whole thing to save yourself the disappointment.”

“And who taught you that? Was it the All-Father?” Mimir stilled, seeming to be in deep thought. YN pouted, guilty at the tension she had caused.“ I-I’m sorry.” Mimir shook his head, a smile returning to his face. 

“It’s alright. It’s just… you’re quite forward for a young goddess in a new place.” YN frowned at that. She wasn’t really sure how she was supposed to be acting. She had spent so long working off instinct, that it may have made her a bit blunt in her words and actions. Mimir let the silence hang as she fidgeted with her ice pack before deciding to elaborate.

“… I’m not from here… Asgard, I mean. Hel, I’m not even from the 9 realms.” He looked back at YN and chuckled as she straightened her posture, her interest peaked. “ I’m a Fae, a Goodfellow. I used to be a fool to a Celtic faerie king.” He got a faraway look in his eye, as he slowed the grinding of herbs. She swung her feet as she waited for him to continue, tilting her head in curiosity. “What’s a Fae? What’s Celtic?” Mimir snorted at this, shaking his head. 

“That’s too long a story. The point is that I’m an outsider, like you. And I wasn’t happy where I was so I left… things may seem rough here, but they are better than they were. That’s what I hold onto. This is all new to you, and new is strange. The All-Father told me a bit about your background. Going from complete isolation to being surrounded by people and sparing lessons is a lot, and I apologize for your rushed introduction to Asgard thus far.”

Yn nodded, thinking about her own home. There was nothing for her there, really. And though Heimdall and Thor were less than pleasant and Odin had not yet shown he could be fully trusted, there were already things YN felt would be hard to let go of. The food she was able to eat here, the feeling of a warm bed and a crackling fire, the sound of people moving to and fro in the morning. The sound of people living around her, unbothered.

“ Odin called you Mimir…that means wise one doesn’t it?”

“ yes. I am Mimir, the smartest man alive.” He said proudly. He saw as the girl raised her brow in confusion and chuckled, “I am the ambassador of the gods and the nine realms, I know every corner of the realms, everything that has happened, every language spoken, every moment in time past now.” YN’s eyes widened in awe, to meet someone who claimed to know so much of the world after she had been isolated from it for so long, it made her mind soar. YN pulled the ice from her eye and balled her hands together in anxious excitement.

“ Would you… Would you be able to teach me? Please?!” She pleaded, nearly shaking with excitement. Mimir pretended to think about it, stroking his beard.

“ Oh? I dunno, it’s a lot of information I’d be throwing at you. Could be a bit boring.”

“Yes, that’s what I want! I want to learn about the realms, I want to help build connections, That’s what Odin said I’d be able to do here! Will you please teach me, Mimir?” 

The truth was, he was tasked with keeping an eye on the girl and taking her under his wing. Odin wanted him to teach her about the relations of Asgard to the rest of the realms and see if she could aid in Mimir and Tyr’s growth of Agard’s connections. He looked back down at the girl, guilt buried at the back of his mind. She was only here to be used. But then, weren’t they all in some way? 

“I suppose I could use an apprentice. But don’t whine when you feel you're being thrown over the deep end.”

“Yes!” she cheered, hopping off the table. She bowed deeply, before looking back up at the man with a hopeful smile. “Thank you, Mr. Mimir. I hope that your teachings allow me to be more useful, so that I may continue to stay here. Maybe my first day was hard, but I’m sure I can find my place here.” She beamed, the pain of her wounds already subsiding thanks to godlike healing and the creams that had been applied.  She runs to the exit, hoping to find Mal. She wanted to tell her about her fight with Heimdall and tease her for being too scared to stay and watch. 

“Oi, wait, your eye! I need to put this on it!”

“I’ll be fine! I have to go! Thank you again, Mimir!” she gathered her things, a new skip in her step. 

“Ah ah ah, at least take it with you.” He grabbed her by the shoulder, handing her a metal tin with the cream he had made with the crushed herbs and some bandages. “The great hall! Tomorrow at 6 am. Do not be late!” he barely got it out before she left, the heavy door slamming behind her. 

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The sun had set in Asgard and YN was on her way back to her room from supper with Mal, who had apologized for leaving in a hurry and gave her an extra serving of potatoes as a sorry. 

YN yawned with a stretch. The swelling in her eye had gone down, but the bruising was now a deep yellow and purple. Mimir had also found out she had two broken ribs, but with the ointment and bandages he had applied, the girl felt fine and knew they would be fine by morning. 

YN was about to retire for the night, walking to her door, when she heard a loud hiss come from across the hall. She quirked a brow at the sound and turned. Dim candlelight flickered from under the door and YN walked over at the subtle sound of a pained groan. 

“Hello? Are you ok in there?” She asked with a knock. There was silence for a beat, and she knocked again, “Hello?” The person on the other side clicked their tongue in annoyance and YN could hear the loud screech of a chair dragging across the wooden floor. The door swung open and YN was met face-to-face with Heimdall, scowling with a blood-stained handkerchief over his nose. She tilted her head in confusion. 

“What the Hel do you want?” he grumbled, but his voice was slightly nasily because of his broken nose. YN had started to regret ever knocking but quirked a brow and pointed at his handkerchief. 

“You’re still bleeding.”

“No! Really?” Heimdall gasped in fain surprise.

“ I didn’t know we lived across the hall from each other.” She spoke again, ignoring his rudeness. Heimdall rolled his eyes and went to slam the door in her face. 

“Seriously, just get out.” She held her hand up to stop the door from fully closing. “What the- hey! I said, "Get out!”

“Why didn’t you go to the infirmary?”

“Tsk! Are you serious? I’m not a baby, I don’t need bandages and a cookie for staying still.” YN just rolled her good eye at the statement, pushing further against the door. “Hey!”

“You know we heal too fast for you to leave that alone. Your cartilage is going to grow back crooked.” Heimdall’s eyes widened at that, but he frowned as he looked away. 

“That’s not true. You're lying.” 

“Why would I lie about your nose growing back crooked?” YN watched him fidget in place. It didn’t take a genius to know that he cared about his vanity. The bright white shirts with gold trim and intricate braids in his hair when she first saw him were enough of a hint. And despite everything, she still wanted to make peace, if not to become friends then to at least have to worry less about being tackled at a moment's notice. Heimdall groaned in defeat, knowing she was right. 

“ Alright, fine then. What do you suggest I do, pestering raven?” YN sighed at yet another insulting name and crossed her arms.

“ May I come in?” She asked, annoyance obvious in her voice. Heimdall frowned but opened his door wider. Yn walked in and noticed the room was nearly the same as hers, save for a vanity in the corner of the room with the chair pushed back. She grabbed the back of it, dragged it over to the bed, and sat down, turning to Heimdall and patting the spot on the bed across from her. He shut the door and trudged over, sitting across so that their knees touched.

“Can you move the handkerchief?” Heimdall hesitated but slowly did so, his face showing discomfort as he removed pressure. His nose had in fact already started to bend slightly and YN couldn’t help the concerned hiss she let out. “ I really am sorry…”

“ Whatever. Just fix it.” His bright eyes glared through her.

“ I’ll have to break it again.”

“Like hel you will!”

“OK, if you don’t mind a deep bend at your bridge.”

“… fine.”

“What was that?”

“ I said fine already!”

She just nodded with a smirk, touching at the soft cartilage, and pressing it into place. Heimdall winced and tensed at each prod, his hands squeezed tight on his thighs. 

“If you keep scrunching your face, this won’t work.”

“Well, it hurts! You're doing it on purpose.”

“ I am not. Do you want a towel to bite down on?”

“ Shut up- ow! Hey!”

“OK, take a deep breath, This one is gonna be the worst but it should open up both nostrils so you can breathe better.” 

“H-how do you even know what you're doing is right?” 

“ I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ve always had to heal myself. And I’ve fallen on my face many times, my nose looks pretty good if I do say so myself.” She smirked slightly at him as he only gulped. YN grabbed the bridge of his nose and when he braced himself, she twisted her hand sharply, effectively knocking a piece of cartilage that had grown crooked out of place. Heimdall screamed as blood rushed out his nose. He brought the handkerchief back up to his face.

“Are you crazy?!”

“If I didn’t do that, your nose would have looked like a tree branch. Keep pressure on that for a moment.”She pulled the small tin from her pocket. “Look, Mimir gave me this to apply to my eye and ribs before going to bed. It will help with the pain.” She grabbed some bandages that were tucked in her pocket and ripped them into two strips, rolled them up into tight coils, and dipped the ends into the concoction. “Take that off, please. The bleeding should have stopped, and this will stop the soreness.” YN had started to think the boy’s brows were permanently knitted together in annoyance by this point as he moved the kerchief from his face. YN quickly pushed the wads of bandage up his nose to keep the cartilage from collapsing and to promote healing in the correct direction. That being said, he looked ridiculous and she couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of her mouth. His face went red and he pushed her chair away from him with his boot. 

“ Alright, you’re done, right? Get out.” he hopped off the bed, pushing her towards the door. 

“W-wait a minute, do you think we could-” she gasped as she was shoved out the door, but twisted and jammed her foot before it could slam. Heimdall let out an exaggerated growl, throwing his head back.

“Gods- now what do you want?” she swallowed thickly and offered a small bow. 

“My name is YN, goddess of logic, tactic and peace. I will be staying across the hall from you. I hope we can learn to get along.” She stood back straight and smiled nervously. Heimdall pulled together a sickly sweet grin.

“I am Heimdall, god of foresight, and my time is too precious to be wasted on you. Good night.” And with that, he swung the door wide open before slamming it in the girl's face. YN winced and then sighed in defeat, fidgeting with her hands.

“Good night…” she called softly back through the door. At no response, she turned toward her room to retire for the night. Maybe the next day would be better. 

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[coffeehighallthetime-blog]

I am Kind Not Complacent Chpt 4

as always, thank you for enjoying my stuff!! @engardeitsme, @lunaryasha, @nokolla💜💜💜

Chpt 4: 5.7k words

Kid! Heimdall x Kid! fem reader

Multi-chapter

{Prev}

A/N: Sorry this took a second. I am very sleepy all the time. also, this chpt was difficult to write???? I hope you enjoy and have a good time with it! We are near true friendship guys I promise it’s gonna be so cute. Heimdall has a thick shell but I have a hammer lol

Slight warnings: talking about overstimulation and panic attacks.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Heimdall stilled, his eyes staring steadily at the rock beneath him. He took in the warmth of the hands that were cupped over his own. Every cricket chirp, every rustle in the grass, every late-night cry and drunken laugh, every voice fell away as he was able to match his breathing to the rhythm of the gentle song that took over his senses. 

He relished in it for a moment.

How it was the only thing both ringing in the air around him and the only thought in his head for once. Heimdall swallowed and looked up slowly to the girl so close to him, her eyes still closed as his were, and her voice still soft as it sang to him. He was mesmerized at YN’s ability to cut out everything overwhelming his mind. How he was able to feel at peace. 

YN opened her eyes slowly, feeling him shift. Their stares bored into each other, heads still pressed together. The girl slowed her humming to a stop and pulled away just slightly, still thinking of the melody for him to listen to. Her hands left him and she placed them on top of her knees, tilting her head slightly. She waited for Heimdall patiently as he took his time to pull his own hands away from his ears and take in the silence of the night. He sniffled, rubbing his tears-stained eyes with a fist, and looked away. 

“ Why…Why are you here?” he croaked out, finding a trail of ants crawling near them all too interesting. YN followed his gaze and answered without looking back at him.

“I was taking a walk… how are you feeling?” she whispered, her eyes following the ants as they disappeared down a crack in the wall. 

“Better,” he mumbled back after a bit, his legs shifting from being pulled to his chest, into a crisscrossed position. “But what are you still doing here?... just go… run and tell my father how incompetent and pathetic I am…” His voice trailed off, and though YN knew he was trying to collect what dignity he had left, his voice still quivered, especially at the mention of his father. YN finally tore her eyes away from the trail of ants to look at Heimdall, his fists squeezed tight together. 

“Why would I do that?” She asked with a brow raised. Heimdall just scoffed in response, his knuckles going white. YN frowned at his lack of response, “I don’t think you’re pathetic.” Heimdall glared, and for a moment YN forgot that he had just been sobbing. He opened his mouth to rebuttal, wanting to spew how bad a liar she was, and the only thing on her mind was pity. But when he listened to her thoughts, all he heard was the soft humming that had helped him so much just moments ago. Heimdall closed his lips and looked back at her, his eyes glowing.

“Why…why are you still singing?” YN blinked at the question, a confused glare in her own eyes forming.

“Because… you were sad… and it was helping you.” 

“I wasn’t sad!”

“Well, you weren’t happy,” YN said simply, not breaking eye contact. “Why did you come here of all places?”  Heimdall groaned, his hands ruffling into his hair.

“Gods, you’re so frustrating!” he huffed and glared at the girl harder, his eyes still blurry with tears as he spoke. “If you must know: I am meant to guard the wall, it’s my job! S-so…so…” his voice lost its steam as he didn’t even have the energy to finish his excuse. He sighed, putting his head in his hands. “ So… I come here because people won’t ask questions… if they see me… and they can’t hear me scream…” he barely whispered, “and I can beg for the noise to stop…”

“Do you want me to stop?” He stiffened slightly at the question, tilting his head up slightly to look up at the girl. She just rested in her spot, still as the lake at the bottom of the wall, waiting for an answer. Her voice was still softly rolling through his thoughts, just loud enough to drown out everything else. “Do you want me to stop thinking of the song, Weasel?” She asked, her voice barely there. He heard it crystal clear. His frown deepened as he realized his answer. Heimdall clicked his tongue and put his hands to his ankles, squeezing.

“No…” 

YN didn’t hide her smile but didn’t say anything, happy he was accepting her help. They sat like this for a while, YN’s voice continuing to soothe Heimdall in the aftershocks of his panic attack. He sat in thought for a moment. How the girl had happened upon him. How he didn’t have to suffer on his own, and that she didn’t seem to have any intention of telling the All-Father. 

“Thank you,” he said finally, his body relaxing “For… making it quieter…”

YN nodded and scooted to sit next to him, shuffling in her pocket. Heimdall watched her, a bit apprehensive and frowned slightly in confusion when she pulled out her small bag of dried fruits and nuts. She popped a few in her mouth and offered the bag to him, trying to chew quietly. He just stared, looking from her to the food she had offered. She waited a moment, before shaking the bag, jostling the contents. The scent of sweet dried fruit was faint, but his stomach growled nonetheless. He reached his hand into the bag, grabbing at the snack. The fruit left a sticky residue on his fingers as he poured the contents into his mouth. YN broke the silence, looking up at the moon as she spoke.

“I always get a little hungry in the middle of the night… I think it’s because I’m used to eating throughout the day and night to keep my energy up. I haven’t yet knocked the habit.” she threw another fistful into her mouth. “I noticed you hadn’t eaten much at dinner… have some more, okay?” she handed the bag to him again, but when he hesitated, YN grabbed his hand and placed the bag in it, closing his fist over it with her fingers. He held on to the parcel for a moment, just staring at it in his closed fist. Then he noticed that the humming had stopped and his eyes darted up to see the girl starting to stand. 

“I’ll leave you alone if you’d like. Or we can walk back together?” Heimdall stared up at her and as her inner voice quieted, new sounds seemed to echo in his head. It wasn’t until she turned to walk away he realized he hadn’t responded, and without thinking he reached out his free hand, barely grasping the end of her sweater. 

“H-hold on!” He called, his voice betraying him with a crack. YN paused and turned to him again, her head tilted and her eyes concerned. Heimdall swallowed and looked at his hand desperately gripping her sweater. He felt pathetic. He felt weak. He clung to the fabric in his fist tighter and growled in frustration. He couldn’t look anywhere but the ground as he mumbled. “... s…”

“What?”

“...st—y mo—-nt”

“I-I’m sorry, I can’t hear you,”

“Will you just-!” He snapped for a moment before sighing, “... please stay…just for a moment longer…keep singing…” his voice shook, and the chill of the wind crawling over the wall ran down his back and bit at his cheeks. YN smiled and shook her head, giggling softly.

“You’re hopeless.” She let herself be pulled down and sat next to Heimdall again. She pulled over her sweater and draped it over both their shoulders. 

“You don’t have to-”

“You’re shivering…” she cut him off, pulling the sweater over his outer shoulder. He didn’t speak again and she started to hum aloud. They stayed like that, in her song, eating quietly, until they saw Skoll start to disappear with the moon and Hati peek from the horizon with the sun. 

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

YN wasn’t sure when she had finally dosed off, but when her eyes felt the shine of the sun rising, she curled into herself, squinting and stretching up slowly. She rubbed the grogginess away from her face, brushing back her hair that had warmed in the sunlight. YN opened her eyes to find herself alone, her sweater draped over her body. She pulled it over her and sighed, looking out towards the great lodge, and wondering when the boy had left, and if he was ok.

 YN collected herself and walked back, only to see Mal running to her as she approached.

“And just where have you been!?” she started, and YN just looked up at her, confusion on her face.

“I went for a walk… is everything ok?”

“ hah!” Mal rubbed her face, the stress obvious in the tension in her shoulders and the permanent knit in her brows. “ “Is everything okay?” you have some nerve, missy.”

“But-”

“You were late to breakfast! And when I went to scold you for sleeping in, you weren’t there. I went to see if you went to your lesson, and Mimir said you hadn’t shown up!  We’ve been worried sick looking for you! The whole past hour we’ve been looking!”

“Mimir’s been looking too?” YN tilted her head, her hands wringing the end of her sweater as an embarrassed flush started to hit her cheeks. She didn’t like this; the worry she felt radiating off of Mal, and the guilt that started to weigh on her for making them so upset. Mal just stared at YN for a moment, almost in full disbelief at the question. “Wha- yes? Of course, he has. Are you listening to anything I’ve been saying, we couldn’t find you anywhere!”

“But… Odin said Asgard was safe. So there was no need to worry, right?” Mal froze slightly at this, her shoulders suddenly going slack as she ran her fingers through her curls. With a deep sigh, she crouched down to the girl’s level, placing her hands on her small shoulders.

“Mimir will be happy to know you are fine… come on, let’s go see him so you can apologize.” YN let Mal lead her to the lodge, where Mimir was seen asking anyone who would listen:

“Have you seen a wee girl, ‘bout yay high? *hair color* hair and *eye color* eyes? No? Hello, excuse me, have you seen-”

“Mimir!” Mal called out over the chaos of the lunch rush. The man whipped his head around, and as soon as his eyes fell on the little girl he laughed in hysterical relief. YN waved awkwardly with a shy smile and watched as the man weaved through Einherjar to get to them and gasped as he crouched down to grab her shoulders, his golden eyes scanning across her visage. YN looked up at Mal, who patted her head, then back at Mimir.

“I’m..I’m sorry, for worrying you…I didn’t know you would be worried,” she admitted, with a sheepish smile. Mal and Mimir both looked at her and Mimir tightened his grip on her shoulders.”

“Of course, we’d be worried, lass. Where were you?” YN thought for a moment. Of course, they’d be worried. Why did that sentence warm her up inside? She thought back to Heimdall, wondering if they had been worried before they found him as well. After all, he was much more important than she was. 

“I was just... With Heimdall, at the wall,” she spoke apprehensively, remembering that last night felt like a secret needing to be kept between just the two of them. “He didn’t tell you? He got back before me, didn’t he?” 

“ The boy was gone too?” Mal whispered down to Mimir who seemed equally as confused. ‘Had they really not noticed?’ The girl thought to herself, looking at her shoes. Mal and Mimir looked at each other. The man stood, nodding to Mal that she could take her leave, and walked YN out of the great hall and to his study. 

“You were with Heimdall? Did he take you to the wall?

“No, no, I was just taking a walk and he was there.”

“Was he… upset?” YN frowned at the question, realizing there may only be a few reasons why he would have been alone.

“O-of course not. He was actually... Uh… annoyed I was bothering him.”

“Did he try to threaten you?”

“What? N-no we just talked for a bit.” She could feel Mimir’s eyes staring down at her, waiting for more information. She wrung her hands as she thought of a way to cover the boy's tracks. “I.. couldn’t sleep. So I took a walk early this morning. Heimdall was…” she thought for a moment, biting her lip, “He was practicing.”

“Practicing?”

“ Y-yes!” She looked up at Mimir, a small smile on her face as she thought out the rest of her lie. “Practicing for… when he needs to stand watch on the wall!” She then scoffed, putting an air of pompousness she knew the boy would have had if she hadn’t found him the way she had. “ “ It's a very important job, you know? And It’s meant just for me. I’m very important and powerful. You’re lucky I’m even letting you stand here! I’m supposed to smite anyone that enters Asgard! Blah blah blah!” YN mimicked Heimdall’s mannerisms, waving her hands in the air and glaring proudly up at Mimir as she mocked the boy. Mimir chortled, shaking his head at YN’s antics as she trotted around, hands on her hips looking around with a holier-than-thou attitude. 

“Alright, alright, I got it. Stop that now, you’ll get us in trouble.” He pressed his hand on top of the girl's head, pulling her closer to his side. She giggled, relieved inside that she was able to cover her tracks at least with Mimir. As they walked into the study, YN could see a glimmer of gold and white retreating from her vision as the door to the study closed. 

 Everywhere she went that day, she just barely saw a flash of white and gold, or a pair of pink eyes tracking her before disappearing. YN wasn’t a stranger to being watched, she knew exactly who it was. Yet every time she turned to get a glimpse of Heimdall or try to speak with him, he was gone. He was out of the great hall by the time she sat to eat. The door creaking closed, was her only indicator. At their regular sparing session, Thor and Baldur were by themselves, saying Heimdall must have wanted to train alone. And the more he seemed to hide from her, just out of reach, the more frustrated she got. To the point, she felt she was chasing a ghost around Asgard. It had been a full day now and YN was on the verge of giving up to go to supper. She huffed as she mentally gave in, meeting the end of another empty hall she had sworn she had seen the boy turn down. 

“Dammit!” YN groaned before walking back down the stairs, defeated. “ maybe after dinner…” she walked past Odin’s study, her feet dragging.

“Where were you last night, son?” YN heard Odin’s voice echo from the room. Her steps slowed to a stop and she turned back towards the study, the door cracked just so.

“I was off training, father. I wanted to work on my range for mindreading.”  curiosity drew her closer as she crouched to the foot of the door, peering in. Odin stood stall, looming over his youngest son. 

“Try. Again.” He nearly growled, his gravelly voice sending a tremble down YN’s spine. Heimdall tried and failed not to shrink under his father’s booming voice, his arms crossed behind his back as he waited in bitter silence for an answer. Heimdall could do nothing but stare at his feet, and YN could see his shoulders trembling from where she stood. Odin waited a beat longer before sighing and barked out, louder this time. “ Answer me, Heimdall!”

Heimdall bowed his head lower, and his hands tightened at his sides. YN shivered at the way Odin spoke to his son behind closed doors. She understood what Heimdall had meant. He could pretend all day that he didn’t care if she told anyone, but YN knew he was terrified. Because this was not the first time he had run to cry on the wall. And it was not the first time he had been reprimanded for letting his overstimulation get the better of him. YN’s fists tightened against her shirt and her heartbeat hammered in her ears. She raked her fingers through her hair, standing up and taking a deep breath before knocking on the door loud and clear, smoothing out the nervousness in her voice with a cough.

“Um, Hello? All-Father? Are you here?” she called out as she yanked the door open. Odin barely suppressed his glare as their eyes met, and Heimdall looked at her with a unique combination of shock and horror. Odin straightened and looked at the girl with a warm smile.

“Oh, hello dear girl, did you need something? I was speaking to Heimdall about a private matter.” 

“Um…” ‘I didn’t think this through.’ she thought, and if Heimdall could roll his eyes without getting caught by the All-Father, they would have been in the back of his head. YN smiled sheepishly, her fist still wrapped around the door handle. 

“Oh, I was actually going to ask… if you’ve seen Heimdall! But he’s right here! U-um can we go to dinner together?” she asked, rocking on her heels before entering the room and standing next to the boy with an eager smile. Heimdall just continued to stare, more dumbfounded by the second. Odin tilted his head, his own confusion evident on his face despite his smile. 

“Oh? Are you two getting along better now?”

“Yes! In fact um, we uh took a walk early this morning together. To the wall.”

“Ah,” Odin hummed, turning back to his son, his brows raised. “So you two were together at the wall this morning.” his jaw tightened as he watched his son cower, and turned his attention to the girl. “And did you walk there together? Or was he already there?” his voice was curious, but YN could feel his intentions like a snake constricting tighter around her rib cage. YN kept her smile, looking at Odin with innocent confusion. 

“Well actually, I-I kinda had a nightmare.” Her shoulders shrunk as she looked down at her fingers. “ a-and I uh… I think I kind of woke him up.” she smiled sheepishly, her cheeks flush with embarrassment. Odin frowned, crossing his arms. 

“I see. You know, Heimdall is not supposed to be out of his room after nightfall. He has a very strict schedule.” Odin turned to his son, his eye glaring down at him cryptically. “He needs his rest.” Heimdall looked up at his father, catching on to the girl’s act and listening to what she wanted him to say next. 

“I know, All-Father. I tried to get her back to bed but she kept making noise… it was annoying.” YN nodded in agreement, her eyes apologetic.

“I couldn’t go back to sleep… s-so I went back out into the hall. I woke him up again and I-I said I was just going to go for a walk. He, uh, “ YN looked over at Heimdall and smiled softly, “He said I’d find a way to get lost somehow…so he went with me! We got to the wall and just talked before falling asleep there.”

You slept there?” He asked Heimdall, his brow raised. YN fidgeted a bit but nodded, running to step in front of Heimdall to catch Odin’s attention.

“It’s all my fault, All-Father. I ruined his sleep and dragged him all the way out there. And when he wanted to go back I asked him to stay… because I didn’t want to be alone.” She looked down at her feet, ashamed. Heimdall looked at the girl for a moment and frowned at the feeling of her hand reaching behind to grab at his sleeve. He didn’t pull away, taking a step closer to her. Odin stroked his beard as he pondered, looking between the two of them. He looked into the girl’s eyes, a flush on her face and shuffling at her feet. Then at his son, moving closer and refusing to make eye contact. He suddenly snorts, bubbling into laughter. The children started up at him in confusion, looking back at each other before staring back at the All-Father. Odin’s laughter subsided and he gave them an all-knowing smirk. 

“ I think I see what’s going on here.” Heimdall swallowed thickly.

“ Y-you do?” The girl asked, a nervous smile on her face. 

“ I do.” He crossed his arms, tapping his foot. Heimdall tightened his grip around the girl’s wrist and she could feel him shake. Finally, he tried to speak. 

“ F-father, please-“ Odin clapped his hands suddenly with a laugh and put one hand on each child’s shoulders.

“ Oh I should have known something like this would happen! You are my son, after all!” Odin laughed, making Heimdall tilt his head, brows knit together. YN had a similar reaction, tilting her head in the opposite direction. Odin just chuckled, squeezing their shoulders tighter. “Now, don’t play coy with me. Going to the wall? Alone? At night? Hah!” he clapped Heimdall roughly on the back, making him stumble with a gasp. “ Just the place to impress a girl, hm Heimdall? Tell her all about your Asgardian duties. Make her feel safe?” Odin continued to chuckle, messing up his son’s braids with his hand as he hinted further and further at what he thought happened last night. 

The two turned to each other. YN was the first to realize Odin’s insinuation, her cheeks turning to ripe tomatoes. Heimdall followed soon after, hearing her thoughts rush with embarrassing images of the young boy trying to make the girl swoon. His face went fully red down to his neck as he looked up at his father. The two shook their heads trying to stop Odin in his tracks, but to no avail.

“ N-no, All-Father really, I was just unable to sleep!” the girl protested, her vision going blurry with embarrassment as her face heated.

“ A-and I was just trying to get her to shut up-!!” Heimdall stumbled over his tongue, somehow feeling more mortified than if his father actually knew what had happened.

“ Now, now you two. No need to try and pull a fast one on me.” He wiped a humored tear from his eye, snorting slightly. “ My goodness.” He sighed, trying to go back to a more serious voice. “ However, pining aside,” he cleared his throat, “you are both far too young. And have your duties to focus on first. So ‘whatever happened last night’,” he nudged Heimdall with a snicker, who was too horrified to even move. “It stops now, alright?”  

The two couldn’t so much as breathe, let alone muster a response. Odin looked down at their bright red faces, thinking he had fully figured the two out, and continued to chuckle to himself as he ushered the children out of the study.

“Now then,” he pushed them out the door. “I suppose that settles that. I’m glad you two are getting along better. Off to dinner now.” YN was quick to take the opportunity to escape, bowing deeply before running off down the hall, her face still hot and bright. Heimdall bowed at his father and tried to calm his flush as he started to walk away. “Oh, and Son?” Heimdall froze, turning slowly to meet his father’s gaze as he stood still at the entrance of his study. Odin smiled, grabbing the door handle. “Don’t get distracted. Or else.” and with that, he shut the door, leaving the boy in the hall to simmer. 

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Heimdall walked slowly, his steps rigid as he made his way to his room. He had barely eaten at supper, and the more he thought about what Odin had said, the more stressed he became. Did he think Heimdall would get so easily swayed by some silly girl? Or that he would ever even for a moment have any feelings for her. She was annoying, she was loud, she was vile, she was-

“Heimdall?”

She was right behind him.

Heimdall cursed under his breath, his mind spinning as he turned to where the girl had called, peeking out her bedroom door. She ushered him closer.

“C-can we talk?”

Heimdall rolled his eyes, deciding he had dealt with her far more than enough already and needed to get some rest.

“Please?”

Damn her. He could hear her mind racing from across the hall. And he doubted it would get quieter any time soon. Heimdall growled as he turned on his heel. YN opened the door a bit wider for him to enter then shut it, turning to face him. Immediately, her face started to go rosy and before she could even voice her thoughts, Heimdall cut her off. 

“Just,” He spoke sternly, his hands in front of him, “Don’t.” his face was stone, but the tips of his ears turned pink as he heard her thoughts. Her worry, her fear, her guilt, her embarrassment. It hit him in waves and made his stomach turn. The girl kicked the edge of the rug with her toes, shuffling awkwardly

“I”m sorry… I was just trying to help…” Heimdall scoffed, a sarcastic grin on his face. 

“Yeah, great job with that. Now he thinks we” they took looked at each other, a shiver going down their spines as they grimaced at the thought. “The point being,” Heimdall huffed, hands on his cheeks to cool them, “ Now the All-Father will most likely keep an even closer eye on us. On me…” he frowned, glaring at the girl. “I had everything under control. You messed it all up.” YN froze at Heimdall’s cold words, her shoulders shrinking slightly. At no answer, Heimdall rolled his eyes, making his way to the door.

“He sounded pretty mad at you.” the girl spoke up, wringing the end of her shirt in her fists. Heimdall scoffed. 

“He was concerned. That’s all.”

“No… he was angry…just like you knew he would be.” Heimdall’s hand rested on the door handle, frozen in place. “How long have you had these attacks?... how many times have you-”

“Shut up.” His voice rumbled in a low growl, YN stood ridged, their backs to each other. She swallowed thickly before turning to glare at Heimdall’s back. 

“No. This is important.”

“You are putting your nose where it doesn’t belong.” He snapped back, turning to face her. “You have been nothing but a thorn under my nail since the moment you came to Asgard.” he took a step closer, then another, slowly backing her up as he spoke, eyes glowing. “Who do you think you are? Acting concerned, coddling me when you barely have any baring of your own senses.” He jabbed a finger into her shoulder, “ I was fine before you were here and I’m fine now. So do us both a favor,” he glared, his face looming over her own, “Stay away from me. Chittering bird.” 

YN Swallowed, meeting the boy’s gaze. She didn’t tremble or break eye contact, and locked Heimdall in a stare, daring him to make good on any threat he held in his voice. 

“I’m not scared of you, Heimdall,” she spoke finally. “And I don’t pity you, either.” She took a step closer and Heimdall frowned, edging backward. YN spoke as she thought, with no wavering in her voice or mind. It confused the boy. Frustrated him. Vexed him to no end. “ You talk all the time about how you are better than everyone because you can see the lies they tell to others and themselves. But you are no better.” she pushed him further away, a scowl growing larger as she shook her head at him. “You lie to yourself as much as anyone else. We are alike in that way. Lying to make living easier.”

“We are not the same!” he snapped, pacing around the room like a caged gradungr. 

“Then why didn’t you tell me off, yesterday… why did you ask me to make everything quiet, only to say you never wanted me there to begin with.” Her voice was gentle, asking innocent questions that made the boy’s head spin.

She had made him careless. Made him rest too peacefully. Made him too calm. He had run to the wall before. Let it be the refuge for him to let out his frustrations and fears. But to be so careless and let someone else in was a mistake.

“What about you?” He switched the subject. He felt no desire to unpack anything tonight. He just wanted answers. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you bother to help at all? And why did you lie for me? What is your motive in all of this!” 

He had panicked when YN got back, terrified she would tell the first person she saw about the pathetic display he put on last night. But when she ran into Mal and Mimir, she was more confused that they weren’t aware he had been gone as well.

 He listened to the story she spun to Mimir, a deep frown on his face the entire time. Despite her insults, however, she protected his truth, and that confused him. Heimdall followed her, waiting to see her speak to anyone. Tyr, Thor, Baldur. But when asked where he was, she gave some little excuse about thinking he was mad at her for taking the last apple at breakfast, or that she was looking forward to sparing him but wasn’t sure where he had gone. She never once even tried to seek the All-Father. Never once tried to out him.

“Why were you looking for me, all day? You think you can dangle this over my head like blackmail?” His voice was low, and his gaze pierced through her. His shoulders shook, as the girl matched his stare and froze as he slowly started to hear what now felt like a haunting melody in the air. It forced his heart to slow to a steady beat, and cleared his mind despite his best efforts to stay riled up.

“I just wanted to make you feel better,” she spoke, shrugging slightly. The answer was lame, and she knew it. But it was also the only thing that came to mind. She sighed, pivoting on her heel to turn away from him. “I think… my powers give me a disposition… to want to help people. I just want to solve things. So when I heard you and saw you last night, I didn’t think to myself, “This is something for me to use later.” I just… wanted to stop your sadness. And give you peace.” Heimdall felt his heart steady and the music she hummed in her head calmed his senses. It was as though against his will, he felt at ease. And no matter how he tried to deny it, he was thankful for her actions. Heimdall frowned, not wanting to rely on the girl to feel at peace.

“I don’t need peace.”

“No. Of course not,” she smiled, “ and you don’t care if everyone knows that your powers haunt you at night.” she saw him stiffen from the corner of her eye, his feet shifting, “Because that would make you weak. Just like peace would.” 

“You don’t know me.” 

“No,” she agreed, turning to look at him as she sat on her bed, “but I doubt we’ll be seeing any less of each other. So we might as well get along.” Heimdall laughed, his voice cold and dry. 

“Is that your logic, queen kindness?” he mocked.

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “What if I put it this way: we can use each other. You need to practice reading minds. Correct?”

“Your point” his brow raised.

“Well,” she started, “ you can practice with me. We will study in quiet places so you can concentrate, and then you can learn to do it from farther reaches. This way you’ll only have one voice you need to focus on at first, before branching off to other people.”

“And I would want to hear your little drabble daily because…?” he rolled his wrist, unconvinced. YN smiled sheepishly, her hands on her knees. “Well, I can practice my powers to calm you. It would let me learn to mediate without taking control. So really, there’s two things in it for you!”

“Hah!” Heimdall snorted, arms crossed. “You’re insane if you think I’m letting you into my head to twist my thoughts around. I don’t need you making me some silly little flower-picking fool.”

“I’ll only use it for your nightmares.” he paused for a moment and she grinned, “Doesn’t that sweeten the pot at least a little bit? You get to practice reading minds, you won’t suffer the nightmares anymore, and I get to practice my abilities.”

“And how am I supposed to trust you in any of this?’ he frowned tapping his foot. YN shrugged, standing to face Heimdall again. “Well, you will be reading my mind. Surely if you notice I have anything “nefarious” going on, you’ll catch it.” Heimdall pondered for a moment, scratching his head.

“I still don’t understand what you get from this. Why do you want to help me so much?”

“ you said so yourself. I've been a thorn under your nail? You’re not much of a peach to be around either. So,” she smirked, “If I do this for you, you need to stop giving me too hard a time. I just want peace, at the end of the day.” she stuck out her hand, hoping he would agree. He scoffed, his eyes shining with that twinkle that said ‘you’re nothing but a fool’

“How pathetic. Letting me take advantage of you so you can be left alone.” he grabbed her hand, shaking it stiffly. “ Fine. But,” he barked, pulling her closer, “ let me make one thing clear. I do not like you and I will throw you to the wolves if you prove to be useless. We are not friends.” YN rolled her eyes. 

And thank the gods for that.”

[coffeehighallthetime-blog]

I Am Kind not Complacent Chpt 8

chpt 8

word count: 6K

pairing: gow heimdall x reader, young

A/N: hello, again. it's been a minute. I'm sorry this is late, I have been going through it 👉👈 again! just busy end of the year craziness. also everytime I opened this document it made me want to scream. I still don't love it???? but I guess that's ok. this is for fun and I need to remember that. thank you as usual to everyone who likes and comments and thank you for your patience, I hope you enjoy it <3

P.S: I named our reader for this chapter. Her name is Yen, it's close to YN for ppl who still want to read it that way but is also more of a name for people who have an easier time with that. let me know how you guys feel about it and I can change it or not. i just wanted to test out a "name" to make the writing feel a little less clunky but idk :\

@engardeitsme I'm back!! i missed you :..) i hope you enjoy and thank you for talking with me a couple weeks ago!

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“Why are your teeth gold?”

Heimdall turned his head to look at the girl, a brow raised.

“What?”

“Why are your teeth gold?” The girl repeated, tapping her incisor with her nail. He snorted, shaking his head.

“ I heard you. It’s just a stupid question, so I was allowing you the opportunity to change it.” 

“ Oh,” she took a moment to ponder and spoke again, “Are they solid gold, or are they just gold plated?” She smirked at him. Heimdall rolled his eyes, folding his arms behind his head.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to say things about a person’s appearance they can’t change?...oh, wait! I guess she couldn’t.” Yen’s mischievous smile quickly pulled into a pout. 

“Hey!” Heimdall cackled as a hand came down to smack his chest, and he grabbed the girl’s wrist to stop another blow. 

“I let you get one in out of pity.” she pulled her wrist free. 

“Yeah well, didn’t your precious All-Father ever tell you-... oh wait, that’s right he’s too busy ignoring you to teach you any manners.” Heimdall frowned, looking up at the girl. Yen sighed, shaking her head. “Poor poor Heimdall. You have all the training in the world on how to be a spoiled prince and a warlord, but you don’t know the first thing about how not to be a prick-!”

The wind was knocked out of her as she suddenly hit the grassy floor, and the two were rolling to the bottom of the hill, a jumble of loose limbs and shouting. Their bodies settle at the bottom, and Heimdall and Yen lay sprawled out next to each other. Heimdall looked at the girl, grass in her hair and a smear of mud across her right cheek. She had green stains on her shoulders and pebbles bunched up in the folds of her shirt. He did not look better, with dandelion seeds in his braids and rocks digging into his back. His pristine white shirt was covered in yellow, green, and brown. Their chests heaved and giggles started to bubble before they were both aware. Heimdall heard Yen’s first, her laugh bounding out of her head and out her mouth, between fits of snorts and chuckles. Heimdall found himself mirroring her, his laughter thrumming in his ears as they looked at each other. 

“ They’re solid gold,” Heimdall mumbled through a laugh. Yen calmed her own giggles and nodded. They looked up at the sky, watching the clouds shift past their vision. On slow days they had started sparing together, then stopped to talk, sometimes about how bad the other was, sometimes about how they had slept. Yen would offer a walk into the surrounding wood and the boy would refuse, ending their meetings. At some point, however, he started to say yes, despite the idea of stumbling together in twigs and bushes. At some point in the passing days, when the leaves had started to fall and the air had gotten cooler, they would meet at dawn, walk through the woods into a clearing, lay in the tall grass, and talk for as long as they could before their guardians would look for them. Yen would talk endlessly about her different plants and collect cuttings as they walked. Heimdall had somehow found himself holding her pack for her collected specimens. 

Yen grabbed her bag and sifted through the plants they had found, humming as she sorted them by type. 

“Do you know what those all do?” the boy asked, leaning up on his elbows. 

“Vaguely. I’ve learned about some of them. But I also see what the animals in this area are eating and take them home to test them!”

“Test them?”

“Mhm,”

“Like what, you eat them and see what happens?”

“Sometimes,” Yen shrugged, looking over to see Heimdall glaring at her, “What?”

“That’s idiotic! You could get sick, eating random things from the forest floor,” he shivered at the thought, grabbing the pack. Yen frowned and held it farther away from him. 

“A little late to be worried, Weasel. Besides, I only test what I’ve seen other animals use. Worse case, I induce regurgitation.” The girl explained that this is how she’s been able to make new medicines and learn the toxicity of poisons to develop antidotes. She let him read her notes and the extent of her research on the Asgardian flora. She was very passionate about her findings, though Heimdall could not stop the sinking feeling of worry. How many times she had gone into the woods alone before he started coming with her. 

“ You know we already had a lot of good Asgardian medicine right? There is no reason for you to be doing this.” 

“Well that’s not true, “ she smiled softly, pointing to her older notes, “ I’ve had to do this since I lived alone in Vanaheim. It’s important I know myself. When you are alone, who is going to help you?” she shrugged, “ sure it’s a little risky, but to be able to depend on myself? That’s not something I want to give up.”

“But-”

“Besides,” she held a hand up, urging him to let her finish, “ We will be working together in the future, right? If we end up in the middle of nowhere and you get hurt, I want to be able to help you when we don’t have access to Asgardian medicine.” He faltered. She surely couldn’t know more than their medics. Heimdall swallowed a shallow breath and looked away.

“Well… now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“How do you mean?”

“Obviously by the time we will be old enough to go on missions, no enemy will be able to lay a hand on me. So I’ll never be hurt.” Heimdall smirked and Yen snorted, shoving his shoulder lightly. Heimdall pushed his shoulder back against her hand and she giggled shaking her head. There was silence, and he could hear her thoughts swimming. She wanted to show him everything from the past week, but she felt nervous after their conversation on the medicine. 

“Right then, show me what you’ve learned,” Heimdall sat up, a small smirk on his lips. Yen frowned, sitting up on her elbows. Heimdall rolled his eyes. “Come off it, you’ve wanted to show off your little trick since we got here.” She bashfully sat the rest of the way up, fiddling with her hands. He looked at her expectantly, hearing her nervousness spinning as she siked herself up. “Any day now.”

“Okay, okay!” She grunted more to herself, shaking her hands to loosen up. She slowed her breath, holding her hands over the grass. “Rót,” she whispered, her palms glowing a violet light, the earth rippled apart as a single vine sprouted slowly, winding up and curling around the girl’s wrist and out. Heimdall’s smirk fell and he just stared as the vine wound around on itself. Leaves and small purple blossoms sprouted from it as it grew thicker. Yen let out a final breath, relaxing her shoulders as the glowing stopped and she looked at her creation, smiling as it flexed and relaxed in the cool breeze. Heimdall leaned forward, getting a better look at the plant. 

“ A root?” he asked, reaching to touch it, and had to hold back a laugh when it seemed to reach back out to him. Yen nodded with a small smile. 

“Yeah, cool right?” Heimdall shrugged, his lip once again quirked as he teased.

“Eh, sure. Would be better if it did something though. Is it for you to make flower crowns for everyone while they sign peace treaties.” He raised a brow as the girl matched his grin, raising a hand. 

“Not exactly. “Rót,” She repeated, snapping her fingers. Heimdall barely took in a breath by the time the vine had darted at him, winding around his leg and lifting him into the air. His body spun stiffly in the air as the root suspended him. A hand reached up to his shoulder, stopping the motion, and his magenta eyes met hers. He looked like a carp out of water, trying to come up with something to say. Yen giggled at the boy’s speechlessness. “You shouldn’t judge things at face value, Heimdall. You of all people should know that.”

“Put me down.”

“Oh, but aren’t you having fun up there?”

“Watch yourself, Songbird,” There was no venom in his words. Nonetheless, she put her hands under him, helping him lower back down into the grass. As he brushed himself off, her magic dissipated and the vine shrank back into the dirt. Yen rocked on her heels, a nervous grin pulling at her cheeks. Heimdall shook his head with a snort. “Okay, yes. That was fairly impressive, and can actually be useful.”

“Even though it's Vanir magic?” she shifted her weight, looking at him nervously. Heimdall’s face softened slightly. He had so many preconceptions before the two had met. How they were savage warriors. Stupid, tricky, untrustworthy. She wasn’t like the Vanir people his father had spoken to him about, and Odin wouldn’t lie to him, right? So that meant the girl must have just been different from them. An exception. 

“Don’t make me compliment you again. Once was enough.” Yen knew it was reassurance in his own way, and let it go. Heimdall nudged her shoulder, already starting to walk. “Come on, let’s start heading back.” She smiled and nodded, falling in step with the boy. Heimdall swallowed, his shoulders stiff. “So…what else have you learned?” “Well,” The girl pondered for a moment, thinking through her past lessons. “ Freya showed me how to leave markers to amplify magic, which is pretty neat. But I still need to work on my aim for it. I also know how to grab small objects without touching them now, and I can hopefully do bigger things soon…” She trailed off.

“What?”

“I just… feel like she doesn't want to teach me anymore. She keeps me at basics, but I know I understand it already… I just don’t know if she’s grown tired of it or if I’m just not getting it like I should…” Heimdall frowned. This was not the first time Yen had brought this up. 

“She’s always been a stiff. It’s not you.” 

“It’s not just her though…” Yen rubbed the back of her neck, looking away as the boy stared.” Don’t do that.”

“I wouldn’t have to if you stopped and just told me what was bugging you… I didn’t know the old goat had started shutting you out too.” Yen swallowed a shallow breath and nodded. 

 “He’s just… He won’t tell me much more about the other realms when I ask anymore. It’s like they gave me a hobby and dangled it like a carrot for a horse so they could take me away from some bigger picture…when he and Freya started teaching me about plant life and then left me to my own devices… “Yen plucked handfuls of grass from next to her and dropped it just as fast, over and over until there was dirt under her nails as she spoke. “ I wanted to be useful… I drowned myself in it… I wanted to see if it could help me in some way…Odin came to me, congratulating me on my new ‘goddesshood in medicine” she scoffed as she repeated the words. “...I could just tell he was filled with disappointment… at my uselessness. And who can blame him!”Heimdall rolled his eyes.

“You are not useless. Those two are just holding you back. Don’t blame that on the All-Father.”

“I’m not! I just-” She groaned, raking her fingers through the dirt, “Mimir says there’s a lot I don’t know still…but he’s also not showing me things. he says I’m doing well at controlling my powers but I’m just worried that even if I’m not trying… it’s hard wanting to talk to people and not knowing if they agree with you or being nice to you because they want to or because…” she trailed off, looked at the boy next to her, “I don’t want to be… I want…” she struggled to find her words for a moment, “ I want to earn trust, not take it.” She spoke finally, after trying to catch her words. Hiemdall looked at her for a moment, before shrugging. 

“I trust you.”

“You do?” she asked, caught off guard by the response. “I guess…I just am worried that-”

“That my change of opinion was your doing? Don’t flatter yourself, Songbird.” Heimdall snorted, bumping her shoulder with his own. “Maybe you can control those braindead Einjhar to do your bidding and treat you like a princess, but I’m a god.”

“So?” Yen frowned, glaring weakly at the boy.

“So?” So, I am the god of foresight. I cannot be swayed by petty tricks. I can sense intention, and since the beginning, I have never felt… uh..” his face grew a light pink as he realized his point. She stared at him, a brow raised, waiting for the end of his thought. Heimdall coughed into his hand, feeling the warmth radiating off his cheek, “I’ve… never felt uneasy around you…I trust you… we were using each other, and we still are,” he looked at her, his lips lifting into a shy grin, “But I don’t mind it anymore…”

Yen’s cheeks started to grow red, her eyes widening slightly and she looked away, feeling herself warm up despite the fall air. Heimdall swallowed, walking faster ahead of the girl. 

“Come on, you have your lesson with the old goat and I have a meeting with the All-Father.” Yen grinned. She quickly recovered, coughing and starting a chuckle.

“Oho! So you aren’t being ignored.” She teased, hands crossing behind her back. Heimdall sighed, his hands squeezing at his sides. Odin had wanted to talk to Heimdall about how Yen had progressed, and when she would be of use to him. She caught up the the boy, softening her posture, and nudged him with her elbow. “It’ll be fine. You’ll see. I’m sure he just wants to tell you how well you’re doing!” 

“Well of course, I’ve been doing well in my assignments, it’s just a regular report. Nothing to worry about.” Yen chuckled, reaching into a pouch on her belt. 

“Hey, I know you may not want to. But I’ve been working on this medicine for your migraines.” she held out the little leather sack to him. He hesitated looking to her for some kind of reassurance. Her thoughts were full of nothing but the want to help. “Don’t worry, it’s just Feverfew and Butterbur mixed with some mint and juniper. Steep it and drink a cup before bed.” He sighed and took the pouch, tucking it into his pocket. 

“ You’re pushing this “trust” envelope, and I’ve just admitted to it. I shouldn’t have to take anything for help. I just need to get through it until it doesn’t bother me anymore.”

“Humor me. Try it once, and only if you really can’t handle it yourself. Oh, and if you could maybe tell the All-Father how hard I’ve been working… I would appreciate it…”

‘I don’t want to be left behind.’

Her voice echoed in his head. Heimdall looked at the girl as they split ways in the large cabin

“I will.”

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“It’s been eight months!” Odin’s voice rattled through his study. Mimir stood still, hands behind his back as Odin paced to and fro. Hugin and Munin sat in the rafters, their eyes glowing as they peered down at the men. “ Eight months! And you tell me nothing is progressing with the little thing?”

“Apologies, All-Father, but it appears she is still having a hard time adjusting to Asgard.”

“Pah!” Odin grunted, leaning on his desk. “I’ve seen her, Mimir. She must be holding out on you, or something! Being extra clever. Hiding her powers. Munin has seen her in the woods a few weeks back, using magic. And we know what she is capable of. The question is why is she hiding from us all of a sudden,” Odin paced towards his desk, uncorking a pot of mead. he poured a goblet at held it out to the Goodfellow.

“Ah, no thank you, All-Father,” Mimir waved a hand. Odin huffed and slammed the bottle onto his desk, taking a deep gulp from the goblet. 

“She was doing so well before. I offer her safety, offer her family, I offer her trust! And then her progression just halts.”

“Freya has been teaching her, and she has been practicing. We have both encouraged her not to use any magic until she can control herself.” Mimir tried to reassure him without bringing too much attention to the fact the girl was gifted enough to use magic without help. The two had done their best to hide the progression of her gifts to stop the All-Father’s advances from using the girl. But with how strong she was already getting, it was getting more difficult to hide, especially while keeping her in the dark about the fact she couldn’t show her true potential. It had gotten to the point even Mimir and Freya could not keep up with the pace of the girl’s learning. As though she spent hours outside of lessons practicing the control of her magic.

“Well, it’s not working. If anything she’s become stir-crazy. I don’t care if she loses control. I can do damage control! What I can’t do, is use a scared little girl that’s too afraid to use her powers, to help me gain control of the realms! She tried to use it against me! To get me to, what, compliment my son? useless! Don’t you see? We need to get this under control so we can use her, and so that she will not be a threat. It’s already starting to get out of hand. If only we had tracked her down sooner,” Odin’s voice was rough with frustration as he pulled at the ends of his beard. “ She doesn’t even know the extent of what she is. She’s a silly little child, who sees the world as back and white. And I’d like to keep it that way until she fully trusts us. Then we can finally-” Mimir was about to interject when the door to the study opened. 

“ I’m here for my report, All-Father,” Heimdall spoke with a short bow. Mimir stiffened and looked at the boy from the corner of his eye. The two gods turned to Heimdall, their figures dark and towering in the candlelight of the darkened amber of the study. They knew. They knew he had heard, how could he not? Heimdall stood ridged at the door, his eyes glowing in the darkened doorway. 

‘ The boy will ruin everything,’ Heimdall heard Mimir’s thoughts rattle into his skull. The Goodfellow’s anxiety came off in waves. ‘protect Yen… keep her safe… the lad will say too much…’ 

Heimdall looked up at Mimir, his brow cocked. Keep Yen safe from what? What wasn’t the old goat sharing with the All-Father? His father would be the one who knows best how to protect the girl if she was in danger. Odin straightened, rolling his shoulder back and nodding his head to his son.

“Come in, Heimdall. Mimir, my friend, we will talk more later. You may leave. You have a lesson with the girl now, don’t you?

“Yes, All-Father,” Mimir bowed, ready to take his leave. As he started to shut the door on his way out, Odin called out.

“And Mimir, please try to push the girl further. I’d like for her to be able to aid in the Jötunheim treaties. It's either that, “He sighed, “ or we may have to call the whole thing off… put her back where she came from.” Mimir nodded, hoping that he could keep the visage of the girl’s powers useless just long enough for Odin to lose interest. Odin however knew something was amiss. He knew just from the small passings with the child that she was brighter than his allies claimed. And he knew exactly who to ask to get the feast of information he craved. Anyone would need to be blind to not see that the two children had grown close. The whisperings from Hunin and Mugin of the two sneaking off to the others’ room in the night, to being spotted in the woods. Odin was pleased, thinking his son finally stepped up to the title of his spy and learning all he could about the Vanir creature. Still, he was worried that the girl may have also tricked his son as well, so he needed to make Heimdall give any information willingly. He picked up a scroll and licked the tip of his quill before dipping it into a pot of ink, scribbling away as he spoke to his son.

“I’m sorry, Heimdall, but it seems I’ve called you here for nothing. Mimir has shared with me how our guest has been doing and it seems the lessons aren’t going anywhere.” Odin rubbed his temple, taking a seat in his chair, “their reports say she is unable to grasp basic concepts, her understanding of both Vanir and Asir magic is only basic, and she seems to be causing more trouble than the entire debacle is worth. I think you were right before, my son. She’s truly better off back home.”

“That’s not true!” Heimdall’s voice carried through the room with an echo.  He composed himself, swallowing. Odin looked up from his reports, staring at Heimdall with his good eye, head tilted. 

“Not true?” Well, I will say she has been improving her skills of manipulation. What with trying to use them on me? I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d gotten to you, boy. She’s just not worthy to be among us.”

 Heimdall swallowed. “She has been doing remarkably well, All-Father. I’ve seen it.”

“Seen it?’ Odin replied, pushing himself from his chair. “Tell me, Heimdall. What Mimir and Freya refuse to.”

“I have gained her trust, All-Father. Mimir and Freya are not being fully honest with you…” The boy’s eyes glinted as he looked at his father across the room, “But I’m not sure why, yet.”

“You are suggesting that my most trusted allies are not being truthful with me, Heimdall? This is a very serious accusation, you understand.” Odin sauntered over to the boy, making him take a step back on instinct. He swallowed, pushing himself back forward, hands behind his back. 

“I simply believe she may be… too anxious to show them what she can do. But I have heard from her myself that she is eager to serve Asgard, father. She wants to be of use to you.” Heimdall urged, taking another step closer to his father. Odin hummed, his hand tightening around his staff. Why was the old goat not telling him any of this? 

“Heimdall,” Odin started, stalking closer to the boy. “Have you noticed anything in peculiar about the child?” he circled the boy, never looking him in the eye. “Has she shown you things behind closed doors? Anything of use?” Heimdall swallowed, concentrating on his heartbeat. 

“ She is… she is able to quiet the mind, All-Father…” Odin halted his steps behind the boy, glancing down at him from the corner of his eye. Heimdall continued. “I’ve seen her… calm people, quiet unruly thoughts… I… she’s done it to me, before.” Odin scoffs. 

“I don’t need my soldiers softened.”

“I think it can be of use to you, All-Father.” Heimdall spoke quickly, turning to face the man. “To… to manipulate the other side?” Odin hummed, tilting his staff the boy to urge him to continue. “She also… She also has been studying Asgardian and Vanir magic and has been able to start creating hybrid potions.” Heimdall pulled the medicinal tea from his pocket, turning to hand it to Odin. “She made this, just today… she said it’s for headaches. It’s made from things she studied herself in the woods with the help of Queen Freya’s knowledge. With help… She could use her medicines to strengthen Asgard and weaken enemy forces. I do not know why your allies are hiding this from you, All-Father, but I assure you she is worthy of staying here.” Odin’s lip curled into a grin and he hummed, reaching out to grab the pouch. He took a whiff of the tea. What else were his dear wife and friend hiding? And was it truly even their fault, or was this girl able to weasel her way into their heads?

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“Mimir, did you know that if you mix yarrow with the inner bark of birch trees, it will cure nearly any stomach ailment.”

“Oh? And did the queen teach you that?”

“Well, sort of. She taught me about yarrow but then while I was with Heimdall in the woods we found some rabbits scratching at birch trees,”

“What were you two doing in the woods?” Mimir interjected, a brow raised. The girl frowned, as she thought this unimportant to her explanation. 

“We were brambling,” Yen said, as though this were a normal thing for two twelve-year-old gods. “So anyway, I told him, “Wonder why they’re doing that” but he didn’t seem to care. But I kept watching them and they were licking at the inner bark! so then I collected a sample and see what it could be used for, and guess what!”

“Wait wait, you tested this on yourself?”

“Well I didn’t want to poison anyone,” she shrugged, then pointed at her findings. “look see? I tested it with different plant combinations and by itself.” she rolled her sleeves up to reveal some light scares. “I tested to see if it could used for physical injuries, but it didn’t do much. So then I thought, “Maybe it’s for internal problems?” so then I ate some nightshade berries-”

“You did what?!”

“It’s ok, it was just a couple-”

“Lass, lass…” Mimir rubbed his face, trying hard not to shout with frustration. She truly had turned into quite the little scientist, and though most of the time Mimir found her brilliant, it was not hard to also easily find himself drowning with worry. Like when she had measured the amount of toxicity needed to be consumed from said nightshades to cause death and even made some medicines from the poisonous plant as well. All this to say, this was not a special occurrence, but it worried the Goodfellow just the same every time. “You are… quite the little toxicologist,” he chucked through his nervousness, reading the girl’s findings while wringing his hands together. “I thought we talked about this. About being more careful about-” he sighed, “About not using yourself as an experiment. We have all the medicine you would need here, why go and try to make more, hurting yourself in the process?” Yen’s excitement wilted as she wrang her own hands out, a tick she had picked up from the man, gods forbid he ever lost his hands. 

“Well… what if we don’t have anymore? What if someone gets hurt and the medicine we have doesn’t work? What if someone accidentally eats nightshade?... I just want to be prepared. Help people…be useful…” 

“You are useful, Sweet girl.” Mimir assured, “ And despite my points… you are right… you have found many interesting findings and new medicines for Asgard.

“ Then why won’t the All-Father show any interest in me? Has he forgotten about me?” She looked up at the man, her eyes pleading. “ Does he not see I’m willing to sacrifice myself to be of use, here? You tell him everything I’ve done right?” Mimir swallowed and nodded.

“Of course, Daughter. I tell him all the time about how much you’re progressing.” his lies stung his throat, but not as much as knowing what Odin would use her for if he knew her actual potential. 

“Then… I’m just not good enough, then…” She whispered to herself. Mimir shook his head, unable to hold in his utter disbelief. 

“Not good enough? That’s not even a funny joke, Lass!” she looked up at the puck, confused.”

“But I’m not-”

“Nope! Surely you’re mistaken. It must have been a joke. Because I’m sitting in front of a child goddess who’s been here less than a year and already knows more about medicine than most of our damn medics! A girl, who can command the attention of an entire room! A girl who put that little brat prince in his place and even became his friend!”

“I-I wouldn’t say we’re-”

“That boy would not bother walking into the woods and waiting, albit annoyed at your birch bark notes if you weren’t friends.” she shut her mouth, a flush on her face. Mimir chuckled, crouching down to her level. “ You are fiercely kind in the face of the strange and taxing, you are sharp as a blade and undeniably brilliant. And the All-Father will see so soon enough.”

The girl left after her lesson and Mimir dropped his hopefulness, falling into his chair and grabbing his book of observations. A list of words describing his little companion.  his face faded as he read down the list after a few months of teaching the girl.  his hand trembled as he wrote down his recent evaluation. Odin had been right. She saw the world as black and white, and truly wanted to be good. But the truth was simply not that simple. Nothing ever was. Mimir had wanted to keep her in the dark for just a day longer. Let her see herself in the sun for one more day. But that was dangerous and he knew it. Mimir moved to the margin, where he had her goddesshoods marked, on the first day, he had written her base abilities and what they thought she was at first. “Goddess of peace, goddess of logic…goddess of medicine…” goddess of…

He needed to speak to Freya. She would be better at giving Yen the news. Tell her that everything has a shadow.

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“I need to show you something,” Yen looked up from her notes to see Freya standing in front of her. Her face was stone, and the shadows of the sun through the window fanned over her face, painting her worry marks. Yen frowned, sitting up a bit straighter and setting her pencil down.

“Show me what?”

“ Just come with me, and we'll talk, alright?” Freya offered a steady hand, and Yen took it, her little fingers enveloped fully in the Valkyrie’s gloved hand. She ushered her tenderly towards the fireplace and they sat down on the bundle of furs and tapestries on the floor. Yen sat across from Freya and watched as she pulled some research journals, illustrations, and scrolls. “When you are ready,” Freya spoke, sliding the scrolls to Yen. There was not another word between the two, just the crackle and pop of wood splintering in the fire. As Yen stared at the pages, Freya was patient, watching and waiting for the girl to start reading when she was ready. Yen finally picked up the journals and did not finish reading until she had gone through every document.

 The day her village had burned to the ground. 

The first time she told Freya she should have died, were she mortal, but didn’t.

 The resources of different towns and villages, of a girl wandering into their domain and leaving without a trace. Some spoke of her kind words and the peace she brought to them. But in the timeline, soon it was nothing but stories of ruin. Of villages filled with nothing but drones. shells of what were once beautiful towns and cultures reduced to nothingness. What was once left to be peaceful and logic-built structures soon dissolved into a spiral of selfish behaviors. Stealing instead of trading, abandoning children, and killing people to take their land. How was a child to know such loose rules would lead mortals to find twisted loopholes? Then again isn’t that what mortals are best at? 

“Why are you showing me this?” Yen whispered, rubbing at her eyes as her vision got blurry. “I know all this already, I know that I made a mistake b-because I was stupid, why are you doing this to me?” she spoke, her voice harsher this time as she finally looked up at Freya, who sat still, keeping her eyes cast down.

“Because you need to know why you can do these things,” Freya spoke, sifting through the journals, bringing one up and flipping through to a page. “Here. this one. What did you say to this village before you left them?” 

“I don’t want to do this-”

“What did you say.” Freya’s voice boomed against the walls of books surrounding them, and Yen squeezed her hands against the knobs of her knees. 

“I said…” she mumbled, trying to remember her last commands, “I told them to  walk away from the battlefield….to take care of themselves…”

“And they did…” Freya spoke softly now, “And when they take care of themselves, they stop taking care of their community. They left each other for dead.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Yen’s voice crumbled into sobs, her shoulders shaking, “I-I didn’t want them to-”

“Breath, Yen…breath,” Freya rested a hand on the girl’s head, letting her take her time to ground herself. “Your words have power, but so do your intentions. If we can practice properly, we will be able to give simple demands without worrying how they will be interpreted. On the other hand…” Freya continued, pointing at a different passage. “It almost seems as though your powers currently default to pushing people towards disarray… which means I believe we have found for certain the two sides of your coin.” she grabbed the girl’s shoulders, squeezing just slightly. Yen looked up, her tears slowing. Freya sighed, calming her heartbeat. “Yen, ever since you came to Asgard,…even before we met, I have seen you. You are the goddess of peace and logic and that can be seen from your ability to defuse altercations and to calm even the most ill-tempered…but I’ve also seen how out of sorts your own temper can get…how angry you are inside…”

“I’m not angry,” Yen whispered, but Freya shook her head, shushing the girl.

“You are angry, and in pain and uncertain. You use logic at one turn and act on impulse at the other. You are a paradox, sweet girl.” Freya held the girl’s face in her calloused hands. “ And I know you know…you are a smart girl, and you’ve been putting the pieces together yourself.” Yen placed her hands over Freya's, and she could feel her little fingers tremble over her own.

“I don’t know what to do…”

“Chaos is not something to be afraid of…” Freya smiled just a bit, holding the girl’s face tighter. “It is the order of the world. It is an order of all things. And it is also not all that you are. Do you remember what I said before? About how we were going to find all your sides and help you put them together?” Yen could barely nod with her face trapped in the woman’s hands. The Valkeryie laughed, pressing their heads together. “You will be ok, goddess of peace, goddess of logic… goddess of medicine and healing…” She offered, to soften this very blow, “goddess of chaos, goddess of discord.” 

A Cocauphany. That’s all you could call it. As sobs reverberated through the room, thrumming between the two until there was nothing left.

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[coffeehighallthetime-blog]

✧God of War✧

Fics:

I am kind, not Complacent {1}, {2}, {3}, {4}, {5}, {6}, {7}

Pairing: Heimdall x Fem!reader

multi-chapter, not complete: last updated 10/14/23

Synopsis: You are a young goddess of peace and logic. You were given this gift as a child, and after trying and failing to create peace without consequences, you chose to live in isolation from the rest of the realms in Vanaheim, fearing you would only make things worse. Odin hears tale of your powers and hopes to harness them in his schemes to manipulate the other realms. As you grow up you meet many interesting characters, and forge strong bonds, but lose much along the way. why does Heimdall hate you so much? why do you hate him? why do you make each other's hearts pound in your ears?

enemies to friends, to enemies, to lovers

three main arcs: childhood, adulthood(before GOW) and present(GOW Ragnarok)

Warnings: language at times, game-level violence, characters suffering overstimulation, angst angst angst, hurt comfort, more angst, happy ending I PROMISE. ( I will update these warnings as well as add warnings to each chapter if I find there is something that may not be easy for some people to read. if you feel I haven't warned something appropriately please don't be afraid to let me know!)

A/N: this is my first fic??? ever???? so please be gentle. I have written some freelance fiction and poetry before but nothing on Tumblr. I have been in a bit of a rut and wanted to just have fun and hyper-fixate on something and share it with people. I hope everyone enjoys!

Also a huge thank you to everyone who has supported me and encouraged me to write this! special thank you in particular to @engardeitsme for inspiring me, encouraging me, and hyping me up, it means so much to me <3 <3 <3

[coffeehighallthetime-blog]

I am Kind not Complacent Chpt 5

Hello! Here is Chpt 5! warnings: some mention of overstimulation and comfort through panic attack.

Chpt 5: 3K

{Prev}-{next}

Heimdall x fem!reader (they're both kids rn)

multi chapter

hope you enjoy it! and thank you to @engardeitsme as usualllll love you buddy, thank you for your support!

thank you to @lunaryasha, @nokolla as well for reading!💜💜💜

A/N: also sorry for the typos it's very late lol

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“Is there a single thought going on in your head?”

Heimdall had asked the question at least three times now and the girl was starting to lose her patience, twiddling her thumbs as Heimdall glared at her. The discomfort of letting the boy try to have free range of her mind made her uncomfortable, no matter how many times they had done it now. And his lack of empathy, taking her time, running through her head, only to blame her? He really was a weasel. 

“Certainly,” she spoke stiffly, breathing through her nose. “I’m just not focusing on any particular thought. Which is the point of the exercise in case you forgot.” She watched as his eyes squinted and snorted, poking at his furrowed brows.” also, I don’t think you’re supposed to make it this obvious that you are running through people’s heads.” Heimdall’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment as he batted the girl’s hand away. 

“I’m working on it, ok?” He muttered, trying to relax his features as he continued to pick through her thoughts. It was a jumbled mess of things, like muttering getting louder and quieter, with just a few words popping out at him. He could tell she was getting frustrated with him, an angry rumbling in the undertow of her musings. Nothing to give him coherent information. It didn’t help that anything he was able to grab onto was interrupted by the thoughts of people all the way on the other side of the lodge. One moment, he could hear Yn’s thoughts start to get louder, and the next it was some trivial rubbish of a maid doing chores, or the fighters sparing outside, horses in the stable, or his damn brother, Thor, snoring. Heimdall growled and threw his head back, rubbing his temples with his palms.

“It’s still too loud!” the girl sighed at this, pulling a leg up to her chest while the other dangled over her chair.

“We’ve already moved three times, Weasel. I think this is as quiet as it’s going to get for us.”

“I know, which is why I feel even more pissed off!” he bolted from his seat, pacing around the room. “We’ve been at this for weeks and all I can hear is gibberish and your surface-level musings! It’s ridiculous. Do you have ‘any’ thoughts in that walnut you call a brain?!” the girl frowned, turning her head away. In the thoughts that thrummed threw her into Heimdall's ears he only heard: ‘...I…..Heimdall……idiot….’

“Excuse me?” he frowned, turning to her. She looked at him confused.

“What?”

“All I heard was my name and the word idiot!” the girl raised a brow, knowing she had more to her thought. She was tired of being treated like an idiot. Still, she decided to smirk and held her hands up in defeat.

“Well look at that, it seems I do have some thoughts in this walnut.” she snorted as the boy crossed his arms, trying to hear more insults.

“Also, I don't know if it’s occurred to you,” she leaned back in her chair, “ but I’m not enjoying you clumsily poking around my head either for weeks on end. So forgive me for trying to keep some things private.”

They indeed had been meeting for weeks now, after supper in Heimdall’s room. Only to migrate through different parts of the lodge when it got too loud for him to concentrate. The first few lessons had gone well, but the two thought this was merely due to Yn concentrating on a single thought for Heimdall to listen to. This obviously would not be the case when he had to find out information from people against their will, so the girl suggested they move on to Heimdall trying to read her free-roaming thoughts. This proved to be much more difficult and only seemed to get worse the more he strained to listen, instead being overflowed with noises and thoughts far from where they were. The girl also didn’t enjoy the next level of mind reading, flushing when Heimdall would point out thoughts she didn’t even know she had. It was all very invasive. 

“We are getting nowhere,” Heimdall growled under his breath, flopping back into his chair across from the girl. He sighed and looked up at her, arms crossed. “Why is it that I can hear you perfectly fine sometimes and the next, there is nothing but mumbling?” the girl relaxed her shoulders, sensing the boy’s frustration.

“Well,” she started, her hands folding over her raised leg, “I want to try to hide things in those moments. I don’t like having you up here,” she pointed to the space between her brows, “but if I focus on what I want you to hear, you seem to have an easier time with it.” Heimdall sighed, rubbing his face in frustration. 

“I need to be able to look at everything no matter if you want it hidden or not.” The girl frowned, not liking the idea of the boy with that kind of power. She sighed, however, remembering their agreement.

“Do you think you may be siking yourself out?” he just looked at her, a confused pull at his brows. She continued, standing up to pace as she spoke, “What I mean is, when it’s based on instinct like the first time we fought, or when you could hear me on the wall…it was like a survival instinct. You knew automatically what to do.”

“I guess,” he frowned, crossing his arms, “but it’s not completely quiet, it’s just a mess. Like thousands of people talking over each other. And I can’t tell what’s your thoughts, other’s thoughts, or outside actions. But when I concentrate I get closer to honing in on just your sounds.” the girl nodded in agreement, a hand on her chin as she stopped in front of the window, the afternoon breeze flowing through and the sunset light shining over the horizon, covered by the wall. She hummed as she got an idea, and because it was louder than the rest, Heimdall could catch wind of some of it. “What about the wall?” He asked, looking at her over the back of his chair. She smiled and turned to him, and his face fell as he heard the rest of the plan racing through his head.

“Oh, no. No no no. we are not going back out there. The All-Father is already suspicious.”

“We’ll go in the dead of night!” she said with an excited smile, getting closer to him.

“You’re crazy!”

“Does anything come out of your mouth except insults?” she huffed, hands on her hips.

“ For you?” he asked with a sarcastic smirk, “Never.” she ignored the boy, grabbing her things. 

“It’ll be an experiment.”

“I’m not an experiment.”

“Are you sure about that?”

He huffed. Though he couldn’t hear what she was thinking, he could tell her thoughts were running a mile a minute. And he didn’t like her tone.

“I’m not going.” he stood firm, and though he didn’t show it on his face, Yn had started to be able to tell when he was growing anxious. And right now, he stunk of nerves. The girl sighed, slowing her movements, and faced Heimdall. 

“Fine then. We don’t have to go,” she reassured him and felt the tension ease slightly. She smiled, “We’ll stop for today.”

He hated her ability to ease him. And that no matter how much he tried to control his emotions, he couldn’t resist the calm she gave him. He knew it was from her powers, and it terrified him. He should not be able to be so easily influenced. He reasoned to himself, that he was building a tolerance to her powers, and soon it wouldn’t work on him. She was just a stepping stone. That’s all this was.

With a wave of her hand, she was out of the room, spouting about how he could knock when he couldn’t sleep before shutting the door. Like he would ever in a million years, go crawling-

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There Heimdall stood. Ridged in front of Yn’s door. Cold sweat beaded at his temple, and he held in sobs, biting his lip till it threatened to bleed. His hands gripped at the bottom of his shirt and he trembled in front of the girl’s door. He hated it. Hated waking up to the sound of phantoms in his head, endless mumblings rattling through his mind like an echoing hall. He hated not being able to quiet them, the power they had over him. He hated the fear that seeped into his bones from the sounds in his head, and the consequences of being caught for being unable to deal with them on his own.

But most of all, he hated that what he had found was finally able to quiet his mind was snoring softly on the other side of the door in front of him, without a care in the world. That he was supposed to be learning information on this girl, and nothing more. He was the god of foresight. A gift bestowed on him. And he was using this girl, a stranger, a possible enemy, to calm himself. And she let him. It all made his stomach twist in ways he didn’t know were possible. 

Still, despite how he wanted to run back to his room. Simply will the sounds to stop. To be able to understand the girl’s intentions and report them to the All-Father so she could finally be out of his hair. Despite all of it:

There he stood, trembling, willing his voice to whimper just a bit quieter. She left the door unlocked. She had started doing so so he wouldn’t have to knock and make extra noise. Her kindness frustrated him. He had never experienced anything like it before. He thought it must have meant she wanted something from him, and he would die before he gave it to her. 

Heimdall’s fist wrapped around the door handle, and he swallowed as he twisted, pushing the door open. Yn stirred, waking to the sound of her door opening. She rubbed her eyes and watched as the boy slowly walked in, shutting the door as quietly as possible behind him before collapsing to the floor, letting his sobs rasp out of him, biting his arm to stay quiet. Without a second thought, Yn’s voice filled the room with soft music, and she quickly got out of bed, her little feet padding over with a blanket in tow, falling to her knees in front of him and pulling his head to rest against hers. 

He hated how his chest already felt lighter. How warm she felt against his cold sweaty head. How she paid no mind to his heaving and trembling, ignoring what he knew she thought was a pathetic display. No matter how many times she would reassure him, he told himself he knew she looked down on him. It felt disgusting. And over everything else, he hated that she made him feel at peace. 

They stayed like that, a crumpled mess on the floor, as Yn’s voice thrummed through Heimdall’s chest and calmed his heartbeat, quieted his sobs, and ceased his trembling. Her hands rested on his shoulders, and when she felt them start to still, she pulled away, the song still chiming from her mind into his. She took the boy's hands, easing him to stand, and brought him to her bed.

“Here, sit down, okay?” She sat on the bed, her back against the wall, and pulled him to the spot next to her. He was too weak to protest, leaning his head back against the wall once he was sat, and just took in the song and silence. No matter how many times he came to the girl’s room, the relief he felt was still overwhelming in its own way. They stayed like that for a while, just like they do every night he came to her room. Sometimes she would read, her voice soothing him back to sleep. Sometimes she talked about what she learned with Mimir, not expecting any answer as Heimdall let her silly little thoughts be the only mumbling he could hear. But for some reason, tonight, as she spoke just above a whisper for him, trailing off about her home and how she would crawl up into the trees to sleep there when she had a nightmare, he responded.

“Why did you crawl into the trees?” He asked, his voice raspy for strangling down his tears. He felt Yn stiffen for a moment, then shift to look at him. He didn’t look back, leaving her to sit in his question for a moment before she smiled, looking away from him again.

“Because I was afraid of getting eaten. Do you know what a drekki is?” Heimdall barely nodded, peering to look at her. 

“Big lizard… lots of teeth…”

 “Well,” she started, “I had this nightmare all the time, of a drekki swallowing me up while I slept, and staying alive in its belly.” 

“That’s disgusting” Heimdall’s nose crinkled, feeling a shiver go down his spine. The girl giggled and nodded in agreement.

“I know. So I would sleep in the trees and tell myself an aching back was better than living in a drekki. Even here, I still get nightmares sometimes, and I want to sleep on the roof!” she smiled sheepishly, and Heimdall felt a small lopsided smirk pull at the side of his cheek despite his best efforts. Perhaps worst of all, he found himself caring less and less. Letting himself continue to ask questions, and even started to answer some of hers.

“Why do you not tell anyone about this?” She spoke softly, turning to look at him.

“Because I’m a god,” He didn’t hesitate at the question, answering as though it were simply a fact of life. “I am the Scion of the Aesir, given the gift of foresight by the All-Father.” a look of pride shined in his pink eyes, but it soon left as he looked at the clock ticking on Yn’s bedside table. “... If I cannot handle this gift,... I am unworthy. I am a failure.” he turned to look at the girl desperately. “ no one can know. You especially. You make me weak.”

“Resting is not weakness.” Heimdall frowned, shaking his head at her.

“I’m meant to be a soldier.”

“You’re a kid, Heimdall. We both are.”

He snorted, turning away from her.

“You don’t get it.” he mumbled, “you don’t have a home to protect, or a family to make proud.” 

There was silence, the music had stopped, and Heimdall heard the rising speed and weight of the girl’s heart pounding against her ribs. He turned to her again, seeing her face contort, her breathing got uneven and she curled a bit into herself. Despite this, however, she turned at Heimdall, a sad smile tugging at her cheeks. 

“That was pretty messed up, Weasel.” her voice cracked slightly, and she turned to look away, stifling a sniffle and whipping a tear from under her eye. Heimdall felt an ache twist in his chest. He felt guilty, without her powers to influence her. 

“I’m sorry,” he spoke without thinking. She scoffed.

“No, it’s fine. But so were are both clear, I did have a home, and a family” Her voice grew cold and it made the boy want to shiver like she breathed ice in his face. “I watched it all burn to the ground.” her voice didn’t waver, but her hands shook. “And then I picked up the pieces and made myself something I could live with. Now I’m here. Away from everything I know and no one in Vanaheim will even mourn me. Because everyone who knew me is dead.” her voice rattled like dice at the end, and she stifled a sob, turning away from him. 

 “ I didn’t-” his voice was faster than his thoughts, “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I was just-” he tripped over his tongue, “ I didn’t mean to hurt you, I am sorry.” his own voice was weak and he was unsure why, “ I just-” he breathed out, “I hate it.”

She turned to look at him, tears silently trickling down her face. It was only fair he comforted her in return. That’s what he told himself as he dabbed them away with his sleeve.

“You hate what?” she asked in a cracked whisper, not pulling away from him. He swallowed before admitting for the first time both aloud and to himself:

“I hate the weight of it…I wish I was alone…I wish,” his voice trailed off. And though he didn’t finish his thought, Yn somehow knew what he meant, and sighed, sniffling quietly. He swallowed, looking down at his knees, “I didn’t know that’s what happened…”

“ No, you don’t…” she mumbled, shaking her head. “ because being alone for years is not worth the peace of solitude. I promise it’s not.” she glared at him weakly, “and maybe you should have read a little deeper before trying to use my past as ammunition.” Heimdall frowned, placing a careful hand on the girl’s shoulder. 

“I really am sorry…” He spoke, fully aware of his words this time. Yn sniffled and looked at him for a moment before she smiled, weakly.

“I’ll think about accepting it. You sound honest enough.” she teased and he couldn’t stop his smile. “Hey,” she nudged him, “you’re being nice. Without me.” she shrugged, “Sort of.” he chuckled slightly and nodded.

“ I guess I want to be a little bit nicer to you…” he shrugged back, “sort of.”

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[coffeehighallthetime-blog]

I am kind not complacent Chpt 3

Howdy, here is Chpt 3

{prev} {next}

sorry it's a bit shorter than usual but I promise the next one will be longer. I have been very sleepy all the time. As always, thank you to everyone who liked and reblogged. I truly appreciate you all.

thank you so much to @engardeitsme, @lunaryasha, @nokolla💜💜💜

Chpt 3: 3.8 k words

Heimdall x fem reader

Multi chapter

A/N: im going to take a moment to add chapter summaries and make a master list

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It had been a few weeks now since YN had been brought to Asgard, and though her first day was less than ideal, she had found her place close to Mal and in her teachings with Mimir, while staying far from Heimdall and Thor. Since the instance on the first morning of her arrival, Odin had been especially wary of when the girl interacted with other people, going as far as suggesting Mimir put wax in his ears to be able to hesitate any “suggestions” she may make. Mimir however felt no need, as he had built a strong rapport with YN and the two had started to grow fond of each other. After all, she was eager to learn, excited that Mimir did not shy away from any and all details and facts. The man in return was thankful for someone who was grateful to listen to every part of what he had to say, for once.

 This morning had started like they had for weeks now. YN had now learned to wake before the rest of the lodge. From there, Mal and she went into the kitchen as the sun barely peeked over the horizon while the cooks and bakers were still making breakfast. They would help with prep in return for cakes fresh out of the oven and porridge hot off the stove. Then Mal would bring YN to her balcony to drink tea and eat at their leisure as the sun rose and they got to hear the chaos downstairs they had narrowly dodged. 

YN blew on a spoon of steaming porridge and hummed as she ate, the heat warming her cheeks and the steam escaping her mouth as she shook her head. 

“ Hah- it’s hoth-“ she gasped as she forced herself to swallow, her eyes squinted shut in pain. Mal sat across from her, peering at the girl from the corner of her eye, and smirked into her tea cup.

“ You need to be more patient. You do this every morning.” YN smiled sheepishly before taking another bite.

“ Hah-, I can’t help it, I think it tastes better this way. I don’t want it to get cold.”

“ You’re burning yourself.”

“It’s okay, I like it when it’s hot like this… it feels hot all the way down my stomach and warms me up for the whole day.” Mal chuckled, shaking her head. 

“ You must have blisters in your mouth. Must be nice having godly healing.”

“ Do you not, Mal? Heal like me? 

“ Me? No dear, I'm just a mortal.”

“ Oh,” YN halted slightly at this, her spoon sinking slowly into her porridge as she peaked at Mal through her lashes. Mimir said the mortals didn’t live very long compared to them, and YN remembered thinking it a pity. She didn’t know there were mortals in Asgard, and she never thought to ask the people around her if they were mortal. Mal watched as YN had stopped eating, and fidgeted in her spot, guilty of her ignorance. Mal simply smiled.

“ Honestly, what’s that pout for?” she tutted, setting her cup down and crossing her arms as she leaned back lazily in her chair to look at the horizon. YN looked up at her, watching as the sunlight twinkled in her eyes framed by crow’s feet, how wrinkles curved around her small smile, and the grey hairs peeking through the top of her bandana. YN thought from the moment she saw her, that she wanted to look like Mal when she grew old. But that would be centuries from now, and Mal would be long gone… The thought made YN droop even further.

“Oi!” YN shot her head up at Mal’s exclamation. The woman now glared down at her, leaning across the table, grabbing a piece of bread. “Now, don’t you pity me. There is no shame in the span of my life.” She sighed, grabbing the jam, “Honestly sometimes I don’t know how the gods do it. I’m so tired already.” She took a bite and looked back at YN, just making a pathetic little sound, obviously, still overthinking. Mal reached over and tiled her chin up, her face firm and unwavering. “Don’t you worry, I’m a tough old bird, you won’t be getting rid of me any time soon. My job as your lady-in-waiting is to make sure you’re taken care of. Understood?” Mal smiled, pinching YN’s chin a bit tighter. YN giggled at the extra pressure, shaking her head free. 

“Ok, I understand.”

“Good. Now hurry and eat. You’re lesson in twenty minutes.”

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“Alright, Lass: pop quiz”

“What’s a quiz?”

“That’s not important: first question: who are the Jotnar?”

“Oh! I know! They’re the most ancient beings thought to be the first to emerge from  Ginnungagap. They um- they’re skilled in physical and mystical powers. Not all jotnar are large in size and can vary from frost and fire giants to different forms of animals. An example of this are Skoll and Hati who reside in Vanaheim!” YN started to ramble excitedly about Jotnar culture and how she had watched them from afar when they walked around Vanaheim. How she saw one move a mountain range once and how she was mesmerized to watch the wolves change night into day. Mimir held a hand up to stop her, chuckling slightly.

“Alright, alright! Maybe that one was a bit too easy.” he grabbed at the scruff of his beard, humming in thought. “Let’s move on to Asgard’s history and politics.” YN’s face dropped and she groaned, dramatically throwing her head back. 

“I’m no good at politics, Mimir.”

“Which is precisely why we need to work on it. You are an honorary Asgardian now, and it’s important you know the roles of the royal family as well as your own role in relation to the nine realms. Now start with the easy ones.” YN sighed but straightened in her seat, starting at the top.

“Asgard is the realm we are in now, it is ruled by Odin and his family. Until fairly recently, Asgard has been at war with the other realms, notably Jotenheim and Vanaheim. You, Mimir, have aided in the creation of peace between these realms by building a rapport with the giants and suggesting the wedding between the All-Father and…” YN sighed, her shoulders drooping, “Freya, the former leader of Vanir, now the queen of the Valkeries.” Mimir nodded, urging her to continue. 

“Odin is the All-Father, ruler of Asgard. He is the god of the sky, of wisdom, healing, um…poetry?” she faltered but nodded in relief as Mimir silently agreed with a nod. She continued, “And the god of divination. He built Vallhalla to reward Asgardians who have gone through a warrior’s death and grant them new life as Einjar. He…He’s a mystery to me, Mimir…”

“What do you mean, Lass?”

“I mean… I feel like I should want to be indebted to him… That I should trust him and want to serve him… but I feel this pit in my stomach…I don’t know, maybe I’m just still anxious about being here…” Mimir wanted to comfort the girl. Tell her what she was feeling was her mystical logic at work, giving her intuition. But that would mean admitting to himself that Odin was not the most trustworthy, and that just wasn’t smart. Mimir cleared his throat, getting the girl’s attention. 

“It’s alright, Lass. you’ve been doing well here. The All-Father will find a place for you here and you will see there’s nothing to be worried about. Now let’s continue.” YN sighed then nodded, giving a short summary of Freya, Odin’s wife who hails from Vanaheim as she does. How the Vanir were a formidable foe and that Freya herself was a powerful warrior. The queen of the Valkeries was of great interest to YN, and she wanted to meet her soon and ask about their home. Maybe she could even ask to learn about Vanir Magix and fighting. She told Mimir she remembered meeting her just once in Vanaheim, and that she had brought her food when she was injured, but they never saw each other again. Despite this, YN saw her as the ruler of the Vanir, and when she left, the realm was heartbroken. 

YN then went on to the sons of Odin. Thor, god of the thunder, and his job as the enforcer of the Asir. He was Odin’s right hand and trained to be a machine on the field. He was physically the strongest and tasked with training his brothers as a result. Since they met, Thor made it clear he was not a fan of the girl, making sure to let her know whether it be by pushing her out of the way in the halls or making fun of her during her sparring with Heimdall and Baldur. Next was Tyr, the god of war in Asgard. He was strong and tall and despite his title, was a gentle soul from what YN could see. He had made YN feel welcome, unlike his siblings. Mimir introduced the two of them, saying that the three of them would be working together after she’s learned more about her role here. The idea of one day being able to travel outside of Asgard with them made her giddy. Tyr would sometimes entertain her and Mal at supper with stories about his travels. 

YN groaned as she spoke on Hiemdall.

“He’s the second youngest. God of foresight, order, foreknowledge, the scion of the Aesir, blessed with enhanced sight and hearing, blah, blah, blah…” YN rolled her eyes as she spoke. Mimir patted the desk she sat on, warning her not to get distracted. 

“Don’t get fresh, Lass. I told you it’s not worth it.” 

“ I Can’t help it!” she groaned in frustration. YN had been trying her damndest to try and get along with the young god, and everything seemed to blow up in her face. She thought maybe bringing him snacks from the great hall or handing him his weapon when they would spar would make it easier for him to stand her, but he would just take what she offered and leave. “He’s so rude! And-and all he does is judge me and take things!”

“Yes, that’s his job. To judge people.”

“I hate it.” she mumbled, folding her arms on the desk and resting her head in them. Mimir sat down across from her, crossing his own arms. 

“Listen, little sister… I know you may not like him, and you don’t have to. But try to put yourself in his shoes for just a moment.

“How do you mean?’ She asked, peaking up from her arms. Mimir simply smiled, knowing by now it didn’t take much for the girl to sympathize with others, and that it may be the best way to encourage some semblance of allyship between the two.

“Well, he’s the god of foresight, but like you, he’s just a child. He can’t control his powers well yet and as the son of the All-Father, you may imagine he carries a great deal of pressure from his family to perform up to their standards. This is the case for all of Odin’s sons.”

 “At least Baldur and Tyr are nice…” YN whispered, just loud enough for Mimir to hear.

“That’s true… but between you and me, I believe the boy may suffer from some form of overstimulation from his powers at times, causing some of his..hm… irritability.”

“What makes you say that?” Mimir simply shrugged, standing back up. 

“Just pay closer attention to him next time you see him. Hm?”

“Ok, I guess…”

“Good, back on topic then. Tell me about Baldur.” Mimir urged. YN sighed but obliged. Baldur was the god of light and a bit younger than her, but they got along fairly well. He was a bit shy but was kind to YN. He was a good fighter and seemed to be a favorite amongst the Aesir. He was definitely the apple of Freya’s eye at the very least.

After more discussion of Asgard and what YN’s role would be in the future, Mimir ended the lesson, suggesting YN enjoy the beautiful day before her sparring session. 

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The day seemed to crawl at a snail's pace. Since the first time they fought, Odin would sit in and watch to make sure nothing “regretable” would happen, in his words. YN noticed when she was against Heimdall today, he was rather sluggish compared to his usual movements, not carrying as much snark in his voice and seeming to focus on her much harder. 

“Why are you already thinking about dinner? It’s not even sunset.” YN flushed in embarrassment. 

“Stop doing that!” she stomped her foot. Heimdall rolled his eyes and lunged at her, poking her side with the practice sword.

“Hit. reset,” Thor called from the sidelines. The two spaced away from each-other again, waiting for Thor to call out “start” before they continued fighting. It was all so boring, the dodging, the hitting, the resetting to just do the same set of moves over and over. 

“You’re telling me…” Heimdall mumbled, dodging an attack without trying. “At least when we were trying to kill each other you were vaguely entertaining. This is just pathetic.” YN clicked her tongue, dodging a half-assed attempt at a hit. 

“At least you're still getting something from this, practicing to read my mind. Which I hate, by the way,” she stated, blocking a sword swing to her face, “Have I said that already?”

“A thousand times.” Heimdall sighed, pulling away only to come back and swing three times in succession, pushing YN towards the border of the ring with each hit she blocked, “and trust me, I get nothing from hearing your annoying little voice whining about how hungry and bored you are.” YN clicked her tongue at the statement and knocked Heimdall back, lunging in short quick jabs, moving them back to the center of the ring.

“It’s not my fault. Your father is the one watching us like a hawk, making sure we barely touch each other. We might as well be dancing. He’s such a control freak” Heimdall growled, suddenly moving to grab YN by the collar of her shirt. Despite the threat he posed, she was excited at the idea of actually doing some kind of real fighting. Their dreams were dashed however as Odin called out from the distance.

“Heimdall. Put her down.” 

“But father, she insulted you!”

“Now.”

Heimdall growled at the girl before roughly dropping her collar, making her stumble on her feet to not fall into the dirt. She straightened her posture and fixed her shirt as Odin strode up to them. He looked down at the girl, concern on his face.

“You think me controlling, child? I suppose I have been keeping a bit too close an eye. I’m just worried is all.” At the hurt YN seemed to hear at the back of his throat, her stance softened and she offered a small bow.

“No, I apologize All-Father. I thank you for worrying about my well-being. I suppose I’m just getting a bit antsy at this routine I’m still getting used to. After the sun sets, I feel I cannot go outside, so I may be a bit more rambunctious during sparring as a result. And the slow pace is getting to me.” Odin chuckled, shaking his head.

“Is that all? Well, dear, I assure you Asgard is quite safe, if you find you want to wander after the sun sets, you are welcome to go anywhere from the lodge all the way to the wall. You are no prisoner. And you can do whatever you’d like outside your lessons. I encourage you to see how the moonlight changes the scenery tonight.” YN smiled at this, nodding in agreement.

“Thank you, All-Father, I will make sure to do so.” Heimdall seemed to fidget in place, his hands tensing and his mind racing as he listened to the two speak. YN pretended not to notice.

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At supper, YN sat with Mal and Tyr, listening to him talk about his latest journeys and the interesting people he met. YN only half listened as she felt a pair of eyes on her from across the dining hall, turning to meet a magenta gaze and tilted her head in confusion when the boy suddenly looked away. Heimdall seemed to shuffle in his chair, holding his head with one hand as he slowly took small bites of food. His eyes seemed to close tightly every once in a while and his hands tensed in his hair and around his spoon. He turned to Odin, whom he sat next to, and asked something, only to be silenced with a shake of a head. YN could see some form of frustration in Odin’s gaze as he looked down at his younger son trying his best to stay still and ignore whatever it was that was bothering him so much. Heimdall looked up and their eyes met again. She tried to give a smile and wave, but the boy just frowned and looked back down at his food. YN’s hand slowly fell back to her side and with a shrug she turned back to Mal and Tyr, listening to his stories with a smile pulling at her cheeks. 

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It was late in the night and most of the lodge was asleep. YN fidgeted in her bed, unable to sleep as the clock at her bedside ticked along with the soft crackle of the fire in her room. Back when she was alone, she was used to sleeping in shifts throughout the day in order to stay alert at night. This also stopped her from sleeping deeply enough to experience her nightmares to their fullest extent.

 She had been in Asgard for nearly a month now but still wasn’t used to sleeping throughout the whole night. YN would often wake in the middle of the night, humming to herself as she read a book that Mimir had given her, and wait until she was tired again to sleep more until Mal would come get her in the morning.

 She rubbed her eyes with her palms and groaned, sitting up in her bed with a sigh. YN thought of how Odin had said she was able to walk around the grounds at night if she ever wanted to, and hesitated for a second before pulling the covers off of her and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She pulled a wool sweater over her white sleeping gown and slipped on her leather house slippers. The lodge was dark, with only a few candles lit in the halls to give any semblance of where anything was. YN stepped slowly down the main staircase, the wood creaking with each drop of her foot. She winced as the plank at the bottom screeched and waited for a beat as the floor settled underneath her. YN tiptoed passed the kitchen, then stopped and puttered back to it, slipping in to grab a bag of roasted nuts and dried lingenberries. After all, a midnight snack never hurt during a little stroll. 

The cool air fluttered through YN’s hair as she pulled open the exit to to the Great Lodge and she pulled her sweater closer to her chest, sighing at the relieving chill. She opened her little parcel and ate absentmindedly as she walked down the main trail leading from the lodge down to the wall, following the moon as it hung in the center of the sky. YN hummed a soft tune, dragging her fingers along the tall grass and wildflowers that lined the trail, watching as Asgard’s nocturnal creatures scuttled through the prairie. Foxes wandered for prey, and weasels emerged from their burrows. It almost felt like home, the way everything moved and shifted around her, unbothered. 

As YN got closer to the wall, walking up the stairs, she hear what sounded like whimpering. The closer she got, the louder it became. From whimpers to sobs, and finally, she could hear whispers.

“Just go away, go away, go away.” the voice whimpered between sobs. YN stuttered her steps, worried but wondering if this person wanted to be left alone or if would be better to help. 

“Hello?” she called out softly, “a-are you ok?”

The voice didn’t respond, continuing to sob out into the night and beg for silence, despite it being the only noise out there. YN took a breath before peaking up over the ledge of the wall. There, Heimdall sat, curled into his knees, sobbing with his hands over his ears, rocking in place. His voice hiccuped as he trembled, continuing to beg. 

“J-just leave me alone,” he whispered, “I just want it to stop… stop it!” Heimdall paid no attention as YN slowly moved closer, crouching down in front of him and waiting for him to realize she was there. His breath was ragged and his hands shook as his eyes darted from side to side, the picture of fear and paranoia. “It won't go away, it won’t go away, it won’t, it won’t it won’t!” he cried out into the air. YN reached a hand out gently and Heimdall gasped, staring her in the eyes as her fingers brushed over his forehead, covered in a cold sweat. Despite the fact they looked right at each other, Heimdall’s gaze was far off and desperate. He continued to whisper frantically as he shook his head. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!” His eyes squeezed tightly shut as he tried to get what he so wanted: silence. YN didn’t know what to do. Fearing that speaking may only make things worse. As Heimdall sobbed, YN pulled herself closer to him, sitting on her knees. She sat in his crying, letting it rake over the both of them as the cool breeze blew. She thought for a moment before slowly, bringing her head to rest against his, their foreheads pressed to each other. 

‘I…I don’t know if you can hear me… but if you are feeling overwhelmed by the voices in your head… just focus on mine, ok?’ she focused on these thoughts, letting them take over her mind so that he could hear them and only them. YN swore she could feel him reaching back out to her as his body trembled against hers. ‘It’s ok… just focus on me… just focus on one voice…” he stopped his trembling slowly, but he cried out still, shallow sobs racking through his body. His hands still clamped tightly to his ears and tears trickled down the swell of his cheeks, dribbling down onto the rock beneath them. She sighed softly and brought her hands to rest on his, beginning to hum softly: the song passing both through her lips, and the melody taking over her mind and streaming into his.

They stayed like this. As the crickets rang in the night. As the wind whistled between them and the hollows of the wall. As critters crawled through the brush. And as their breathing started to match, Heimdall’s heart finally started to settle as his sobbing slowed to sniffles and light gasps, until there truly was nothing in his mind but the girl’s soft humming.

[coffeehighallthetime-blog]

Chpt 2 spoilers: no context

Heimdall:

Reader: