#[ ☠︎︎ ] — ex.plicit

[starrierknight]

yeah she let me hit it raw bro (she let me bury into her ribs and make a home in her lung)

[starrierknight]

d'you ever hear a song and collapse into bone dust and a pool of blood, your skin fluttering away in the wind like some grotesque kite of sadness and nostalgia

[starrierknight]

𝟎𝟐𝟓. 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 — 𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐬

This contains spoilers for my day 25 kinktober fic.

wc— 2.2k

cws/tags— death, blood, vampirism, love/sex as a religion and worship (please let me know if I missed anything!)

TITLE

The title, of course, is a shortened version of the idiom “to bite the hand that feeds you”, which means to act poorly towards the person who is helping or has helped you. Not only is the title a reference to the actual events in the fic (Satoru literally bites the reader’s palm to feed off their blood), but it also functions to call into question whom the idiom is directed towards.

Upon first reading, it is easy to see that the idiom is in application to Satoru. This is supported by the reader’s words:

“I’ve been so good to you, and you’re talking back.”

Here, we see that from the reader insert’s perspective, letting Satoru feed from them equates to being “good”. While this is true—Satoru is a vampire who has killed and feasted upon innocent human beings for centuries, the reader does not owe him the kindness of their blood—we must also consider the application of the idiom in reverse.

Upon further inspection, it is more clearly seen that the idiom is also applicable to the reader. After Satoru has fed off the reader’s blood and treated them so reverently after performing oral, even going so far as to soothe the reader after they achieve their orgasm, we must come to terms with these actions are undeniably good. With this in mind, the reader’s newfound reluctance to kill Satoru is given new depth.

On the one hand, the reader is no longer certain that killing him is the right thing to do. On the other, despite their reluctance, the reader is still considering their duty as a vampire slayer—that they should kill Satoru on principle, regardless of his expression of humanity.

The final line of the fic underscores the ultimatum: “Though after sharing a little death with him, could you kill him?” 

EPIGRAPH

Here is the entire quote. In bold is the section used for the epigraph of my fic:

“Most people live for love and admiration. But it is by love and admiration that we should live. If any love is shown us we should recognise that we are quite unworthy of it. Nobody is worthy to be loved. The fact that God loves man shows us that in the divine order of ideal things it is written that eternal love is to be given to what is eternally unworthy. Or if that phrase seems to be a bitter one to bear, let us say that everyone is worthy of love, except him who thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling, and Domine, non sum dignus should be on the lips and in the hearts of those who receive it.”  ― Oscar Wilde, De Profundis

While the original quote is not about oral sex, in the context of it being an epigraph to this particular fic of mine, it is encouraged to be interpreted that way. This was chosen because the fic blurs the line between sex and worship. 

In Matthew 8:8, Jesus is approached by a centurion who asks Him to heal his servant. Since the centurion knows that a good Jewish man like Jesus would cause scandal by coming into the home of a Roman soldier, the centurion says “Domine non sum dignus ut intres sub tectum meum sed tantum dic verbo et sanabitur puer meus.”

In the New American Bible, this text is rendered “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed.”

Domine, non sum dignus -> “Lord, I am not worthy”

LANGUAGE CHOICE

The Power of Names

“Speak, monster,” you said in a cool, steady tone. [...] “Oh, come on. Why the formalities?” he taunted in an airy whisper, a smug lilt to his tone. “Don’t you think we’re past that?” [...] “Tell me your name before I slay you tonight,” you spat, your will unwavering. His eyes drank you in with an uncanny hunger. “Gojo Satoru. Though, please, Satoru will do just fine.”

Satoru’s smugness and lingering pride function as a way of veiling his desperation for intimacy in his last moments. Despite the reader’s attempt to distance themselves from Satoru, he insists on being called by his first name. It’s worth noting that despite Satoru and the reader not having a close relationship at this point in time, calling somebody by their first name in Japan usually means some kind of close kinship or relationship.

To kill

- “Tell me your name before I slay you tonight,” you spat, your will unwavering. - “Have your taste before I slaughter you, Satoru.” - “Where’s the beast I came to slaughter tonight?” - “I’ll teach you manners before I slay you tonight.” (<- fun fact! This is actually a reference to this fic) - “You can kill me now, and I’ll die human,” he murmured.

slay: to kill in a violent way

slaughter: the killing of many people cruelly and unfairly, especially in a war OR the killing of animals for meat

kill: to cause someone or something to die OR to stop or destroy a relationship, activity, or experience OR to drink all of something

Not once in the entire fic does the reader say in speech that they will “kill” Satoru. However, if you interpret the final line of the fic as the reader’s own train of thought:

“Though after sharing a little death with him, could you kill him?”

It could be argued that this changes.

In this fic, to “kill” and to die are incredibly intimate acts and are implied to be signifiers of humanity.

Play On Words

“The blood. The blood in the chalice—that bait you left for me. Was it yours? Did you… alter it?”

alter: to change something, usually slightly, or to cause the characteristics of something to change

altar: a structure with a flat top, often shaped like a table, that is used in some religious ceremonies, for example as a place to put important religious objects

When writing this particular line, I kept in mind that “alter” and “altar” are homophones. With this in mind, it is easy to argue that Satoru drinking the reader’s blood they used as a way to lure him is symbolic of drinking wine at Communion, which is done to commemorate the death of Christ and to represent the mutual communion of believers with each other.

“Though after sharing a little death with him, could you kill him?”

The phrase “a little death” comes from the French saying, “La petite mort” which means "the brief loss or weakening of consciousness" and in modern usage refers specifically to "the sensation of post orgasm as likened to death”.

In the most literal sense, the final line is in reference to the reader’s orgasm brought on by Satoru. However, it is also in reference to the lapse in judgment from both parties (the reader is a vampire slayer who should be killing the vampire, and Satoru is a vampire who should be fighting for his own survival). 

The word “sharing” is incredibly important—this is the first real moment where the reader and Satoru have been ‘united’ over something.

Last Meal

“Please,” the longing etched into his contorted expression spoke of desire both primal and inexplicable. “One last request before it’s over. Please.”

A condemned prisoner's last meal is a customary ritual preceding execution. In many countries, the prisoner may, within reason, select what the last meal will be.

Dialogue tags

- “You disgust me,” you hissed, pressing the blade to his neck so that it was perilously close to breaking his skin. - "Did I say you could bite?" you hissed through gritted teeth.

While “hissing” is to say something in a quiet angry way, it is also associated with angry/frightened animals—and vampires. Not once does Satoru ever hiss. 

JUXTAPOSITION

A brief overview of some of the juxtaposing themes/imagery:

Humanity/Monstrosity

- The raw power that you expected to emanate from a monster so ancient, so sinister, seemed to have dulled into something strangely human. His aura of malevolence was overshadowed by a pitiable aura of need. - He pressed closer to the flat of the blade—the dichotomy of his action hauntingly human.

Predator/Prey (Vampire/Vampire Slayer)

The tableau is one of stark contrasts—the resolute hunter and the feeble prey, the chilling void of the night and the warmth of desperate need.

Blood/Nectar

- A languid, serpentine motion as his tongue darted out, collecting the remnants of blood, your blood, that clung to his lips. The taste, metallic and potent as you knew it to be, was like the sweetest nectar to him. - The taste of your blood, infused with the sweet essence of your very being, flooded his senses.

Angels/Demons

- His eyelids parted, revealing pupils dilated to a darkness. Those eyes, a chromatic anomaly amidst the desolation of his existence, were a cerulean that defied nature's palette. They were too blue, too vivid—a celestial fragment from the vast expanse of the heavens that had fallen into his wretched possession. - He was disturbingly beautiful: Far too angelic in appearance, though you supposed it was a façade to lure in his prey. 

What is Seen/What is Said

Note how the descriptions consistently portray Satoru as beautiful, even if the reader says otherwise.

- Satoru’s head, heavy with the weight of his longing, found its place on your lap, a gesture that radiated a delicate surrender. His silvery hair, like silk against your legs, contrasted starkly with the increasingly depraved display. “You really are vile,” you breathed, the sting from the wound shooting up your arm.

Gentility/Depravity

- His lips sought redemption in a sequence of fervent kisses. They trailed across the delicate skin of your wrist, your knuckles, and the tips of your fingers. The gesture, if not for the lingering urgency of his movements, would have held a sweet tenderness, an attempt to mend what had been broken. Amid this tangled web of feelings, the grinding of his arousal against you persisted, a relentless echo of his desire. The moans that escaped him seemed to punctuate each kiss, a wretched symphony of need.

Pleasure/Pain

See: the whole fic lol.

LOVE AS [XYZ]

Love As Religion

Depth of Emotion: Describing love as religion suggests that it is a deeply held and fundamental aspect of human experience. This metaphor highlights the emotional intensity and significance of love in one's life. Love, like religion, can inspire devotion, commitment, and a sense of purpose.

Spiritual Connection: Love as a religion implies that love can create a spiritual or transcendent connection between individuals. It suggests that love can be a source of meaning and purpose, much like religion is for many people. This metaphor can be used to explore the idea of finding transcendence and spiritual fulfilment in love.

Moral and Ethical Considerations: Just as religions often have moral and ethical guidelines, the concept of "love as religion" can be used to explore the moral and ethical dimensions of love. It raises questions about how one should treat their loved ones and how love can be a force for good in the world.

Sacrifice and Devotion: Love as religion can also be a metaphor for the sacrifices and devotion that people are willing to make for the ones they love. It emphasises the idea that love can inspire acts of selflessness and dedication, much like religious devotion.

Love As Worship

Reverence and Adoration: When love is compared to worship, it emphasises the idea of reverence and adoration. Love is portrayed as a powerful force that demands admiration and respect. This metaphor underscores the idea that love can be all-consuming and awe-inspiring.

Rituals and Symbolism: Love as worship may involve rituals and symbolic acts that signify one's commitment and devotion to a loved one. Just as religious ceremonies and rituals have symbolic meaning, the act of showing love can be filled with symbolism and meaningful gestures.

Transcendence: Love as worship can also suggest a form of transcendence, where individuals elevate their loved ones to a higher status in their lives. It can explore the idea that love can lift people beyond their ordinary existence and provide a sense of purpose and meaning.

Sacrifice and Submission: Like religious worship may involve sacrifice and submission to a higher power, love as worship can be a way of expressing the sacrifices and compromises one is willing to make for the sake of their loved one.

RELIGION AS A SEMANTIC FIELD

In literature, a semantic field, also known as a lexical field or semantic domain, refers to a group of words or terms related by their common theme or subject matter. These words are typically grouped together because they share a connection in meaning and are often used to convey a particular concept, idea, or image. The purpose of using a semantic field is to create a specific atmosphere, convey a particular emotion, or emphasize a theme within a literary work.

kneeling, serpentine/serpent, celestial, heaven, wretched, damned, angelic, chalice, transcended, reverence, offering, blood, artistic, surrender, testament, declaration, redemption, plea, lust, confession, power, bliss, monster, beast, God, sculpted, submission, painted, refrain, bloodlust, surreal, obedience, kiss, mercy, haven, devotion, divine, masterpiece, worship, manifest, bore, ardent, adore, tribute, gratitude, mantra, token, appreciation, creature

[starrierknight]

"I love you" okay? become the blood that runs through my veins then.

[starrierknight]

̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ❜ ┊˚

WRITING

#[ ✎ ] — reece's writing

for all of my original work (in case my masterlist is not updated)

#[ ☂ ] — ns.fw

for my original NSFW content

#[ ✪ ] — *character name* thirst

for individual character thirsts

#[ ☠︎︎ ] — ex.plicit

for my original explicit content — gore, violence, & death

#[ ❣ ] — k.nktober 23'

for all my kinktober 2023 related content

BLOG TAGS

#[ ✰ ] — status post

for navigation, PSAs, & milestones

#[ ❀ ] — reece's rambling

for my miscellaneous thoughts

#[ ✉ ] — reece's mail

for answering my asks & for submissions

#[ ☄ ] — dearest *name*

for my mutuals & other frequent visitors

#[ ⚘ ] — reece's scrapbook

for my memories

#[ ⌕ ] — reece's lectures

for my Jujutsu Kaisen critical analysis & takes

#[ ⚄ ] — tabloid

for Jujutsu Kaisen fanart

#[ ♤ ] — xxx magazine

for (mostly) NSFW & suggestive mangacaps

#[ ⚖ ] — cast your vote

for polls

#[ ❏ ] — déjà queue

for queued posts & time zone/self reblogs

#[ ʚ ] — reece watches *title*

for any anime that I am watching! this may feature untagged spoilers. this so far includes:

~ Ergo Proxy

~ Death Note

#[ ★ ] — dearest satoru

for my favourite misc. posts related to gojo satoru

SELF SHIPS

#[ ❤︎ ] — satoree

gojo satoru x reece

#[ ❤︎ ] — suguree

getou suguru x reece

#[ ❤︎ ] — choree

kamo choso x reece

#[ ❤︎ ] — tojiree

fushiguro toji x reece

#[ ❤︎ ] — reemaki

zen'in maki x reece

#[ ❤︎ ] — reeyuki

tsukumo yuki x reece

CWs & TWs

Anything that’s possibly triggering/upsetting will be tagged with the appropriate content warning or trigger warning tag:

for example: cw blood for example: tw gore

ANON LIST

named anons:

None yet!

emoji anons:

🐉 anon (pixie) 🍶 anon 🍀 anon 🩰 anon 🍙 anon