#[ DONT BE FUCKING GROSS IN PUBLIC KLAUS ]

[sanguinelupus]

pardon me? hello? they're running low on attention ? tall vampire lurking for 500cc of hybrid attention.

"You're certainly needy when you're full of my children."

[coffee-omo-bi]

here we go

some stream of consciousness, run-on sentence headcanons

@nsfwitchy

Five

he's hypervigilant and anxious normally and extra so in public bathrooms after being alone for so long(and basically going wherever he wants, not cornered in one location, except for his years at the commission). Anyone could walk in while he's vulnerable and he’s always lowkey worried about more commission agents so he ends up being bladder shy and can't go (i dont feel like that one HQ exploding is the end of the commission in the tv show canon so 🤷)

he is stubborn and figures he will never get better at holding it if he always goes right away so he tries to wait until home

sometimes he'll wait too long and get locked up from being TOO full and can't go at all even if he's alone then panics(he can't fight like this, what if something happens!!) which in turn makes it worse 

he usually can't jump when he's too desperate cause he can't concentrate on it but when he does manage he usually loses it right after cause the force from jumping is too much for his bladder, at least he’s usually alone and near/in a bathroom when it happens

one of the many reasons he prefers to drive is because he can control when they stop without his siblings being assholes

PTSD bedwetting and stress wetting because he definitely has a lot of anxiety

hyper focuses on his work and doesn't notice how bad he has to go until its almost too late

again he’s Anxiety and he gets super irritable and snappy when he starts having to go cause, especially around a lot of people cause I’d imagine he’s not comfortable around crowds either.

the sibs dont really notice at first cause he always channels his anxiety into being irritable & snappy, they dont get why until they notice why he's fidgeting so much

tries to be quiet and not show any signs when he's desperate but can't help showing signs when its really bad because he'll do anything to try and make it, he hates that he gets so obvious but he hates wetting himself more, its messy and he feels disgusting after and of course he hates being perceived as childish in any way but god he's the full cliche: squirming and eventually full on potty dancing, desperate noises and sobs getting caught in his throat, full on bent over with his hands stuffed between his legs but still losing it, he starts whining "no no no" under his breath when he starts crying, the whole shebang

as much as he hates it, he is in his teen body and he is going through puberty again and he has all the emotional mood swings that go along with it and he tries not to be embarrassed but he always flushes very red and feels himself tear up whenever he doesn't make it.

I'm already giving him so many more problems on top of what he has in canon so I feel like he's alone most of the time for any accidents I don't wanna be too mean and I'm weak and don't like public humiliation that much

he gets mad cause he doesn’t remember this being such an issue when he was actually 13 but he also didnt drink coffee and alcohol when he was actually 13

tbh half his problems are from baby bladder body and half are him being stubborn and waiting too long though I do imagine as he ages he does get better at holding 

Klaus

he doesn't really care about wetting cause he's been through grosser tbh, I mean dumpster diving in like, the first or second ep I don't remember

but bc of his drug use and being under the influence most of the time I'm sure he's woken up having wet himself at least once

also being locked in the mausoleum, he obviously didn't have anywhere to go except a corner but i can see him being too scared to move around and he just wets himself, and oh fuck he’s prob been bedwetting from the ghosts since he was a kid, less so now but still sometimes.

he's probably long moved past disgust

the show has established he's kinky so imo he likes holding it if he can get away with it but only if he's in the mood? like the scene where he makes Diego untie him so he can pee cause he knows his withdrawal is not gonna be a fun pee holding time

but yeah he's a Nasty Boi so he's into sex/masturbating while he's full and I could see him going either way on whether he likes wetting or not because he doesn't really care about the mess like I said earlier

R/obert is so fuckin slim, a bladder bulge would be very visible above those low tight leather pants he wears 👀

also probably has PTSD & stress wettings from like, the ghosts & mausoleum and maybe even Vietnam flashbacks

Klaus is pretty shameless so he doesnt hide when he has to go or try to keep quiet and prob has loud relief sighs or moans when he does go lol

tbh i have just thought way more about Five because I don’t see Klaus as having many issues with this but Five definitely would because of his body

Some Shipping & kinda more general Grossness

again Five IS going through puberty again so the hormones/being horny all the time IS a factor and he realizes that helps him wait sometimes and then gets annoyed at having to deal with an inconvenient erection on top of everything else (your choice whether he uhhh ends up liking it)

Klaus is of course, sympathetic and tries to help Five when he can, I hc that when Klaus is comforting someone he's very liberal with affectionate nicknames (sweetie, sweetheart, baby, honey, fivey, etc) and like, forehead kisses and its the only time Five lets him get away with it cause he's too embarrassed to protest

one of my fav HCs is Klaus helping Five relax enough to go during one of those times when he just can’t, like hugging him from behind and softly rubbing the little bladder bulge Five has to help him unclench and relax enough. He keeps whispering "shh shh sweetie, it's just me and we're alone it's ok you can go" but keeping his face turned away and tells Five he'll lookout so he can relax and go

also kinda gets turned on if he sees Five all desperate bc he likes it but he's also weirded out bc young body but he gets less resistant as Five ages

but he also feels bad for Five at the same time, its a whole mess (me if i witness anyone irl)

  Five’s angry when he finds out Klaus likes when he has to pee

"this has been extremely inconvenient & humiliating for me and you're getting fucking boners from it?!"