#[ so uh Inception is also a thing in Bleach ]

[midnightactual]

so I’ve previously mentioned that Bleach is Nietzschean and focused on the will to power (der Wille zur Macht) in a kind of shitposting way but I was actually being totally honest and accurate. we have not just Yoruichi (foremost martial artist of Soul Society) but Ichigo’s imagining of Kenpachi saying that he is driven by instinct, wants power, and thus seeks to fight. it would be naïve af to imagine this is purely limited to Ichigo considering it’s essentially what we see motivate Hollowfied Shinigami (the Vizard) and even to a large extent Arrancar themselves (who have moved beyond the subordinated will to live as embodied in their endless hunger)

in “Beyond Good and Evil”, Nietzsche writes:

Even the body within which individuals treat each other as equals ... will have to be an incarnate will to power, it will strive to grow, spread, seize, become predominant – not from any morality or immorality but because it is living and because life simply is will to power

and this is um essentially exactly what Zangetsu says a bit more poetically in the bottom three images and what motivates his “Horse and King” speech to Ichigo and which “Kenpachi” reiterates:

I’ve previously sketched out a set of physically consistent rules by which willpower expresses itself in Bleach with Soul Physics but this is itself the origin of that willpower

we can tie this in with some interesting thoughts by one David Chalmers:

Chalmers' own thinking drew on these insights, proposing a "non-reductive" approach to the hard problem via the suggestion that every form of information processing entails an irreducible component constituting the basis of conscious experience. According to this view, the relatively simple information-processing taking place in the brain of a mouse yields relatively simple experiences, the immensely complex information-processing taking place in a human brain yields immensely complex experiences, and, most provocatively of all, even the minimal kind of information-process taking place in a device like a thermostat may yield a minimal kind of experience. Consciousness is, in other words, an inherent property of the Universe itself: something that cannot be explained merely in terms of matter.

(the fact Ginjō calls out a telephone pole of all things here is 100% a way of explaining Chad hitting Shrieker with one early on in the manga btw)

this is a very Japanese idea (tsukumogami) but it accords pretty well with Chalmers’ “information processing” theory of consciousness. if we now return to the Wikipedia page on the will to power:

Influenced by his earlier readings of Boscovich, he began to develop a physics of the will to power. The idea of matter as centers of force is translated into matter as centers of will to power. Nietzsche wanted to slough off the theory of matter, which he viewed as a relic of the metaphysics of substance.

in other words, Nietzsche was sort of gesturing at the idea that matter itself can retain its own will to power... which is like retaining consciousness (Chalmers) or a soul (Bleach)

the concept of reii in Bleach is a measurement of this retention. when reii becomes strong enough the will to power (here embodied by reiatsu) cannot be separated from the matter (reishi) because the individual’s will to power has been imprinted upon the universe itself

Bleach is Nietzsche's physics of the will to power in action

[ronyxfic]

Educating the Victim - Act VI, Intermission IV

Pairing: Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond

Rating: Mature

Warnings/Tags: emotional abuse, fatphobia

INTERMISSION: The Happiest Place On Earth

 “Okay.” Rose set down her bag after coming back from the toilet on the train. “Can you tell me where we’re going now?”

She could guess, really; they were on the Eurostar, and there were only a few destinations that made sense at this point.

“Are you taking me to Paris, Roxy? This is a weird time for a big romantic gesture, but I still appreciate it.”

 Roxy gave her a cheeky grin, the kind that used to dazzle Rose just a few months back. "Listen, I know it's been a few rough weeks for you recently, and that I haven't been the best girlfriend to you. So I'm doing something nice for once, alright? It's going to be a chill weekend, you're going to feel revived and then maaaybe get back to work?"

 Rose smiled and sat down next to her, leaning into Roxy. “I’ve always wanted to go to Paris, secretly,” she said, “and you’re the first one to take me. It’s sweet.”

  Roxy nuzzled her back. "Yeah, well, don't get too used to it. I have a reputation to uphold. But... I think this will be nice. The accommodation is super and we'll be able to do everything there."

 “So... what’s on the schedule? Sightseeing? Wine tasting? Did you scout out some nice restaurants? It’ll be nice to have some good food for once.” Rose gave Roxy a peck on the cheek. “It’ll also be good to spend some time with you. You’ve not been around as much as I would’ve liked the past few weeks.”

 Roxy tensed up a little, frowning. "Ah, well... it's not quite... that. But no, I've not given you as much attention as I'd like to. I've been busy with... my flatmate and you've just been so reluctant to want anyone for company. But we've got each other now!"

 Rose gave a hesitant smile. “Yeah, it sounds nice. It feels like it’s been ages since we actually spent time together.” She leaned in to Roxy, closing her eyes.

 Roxy watched her, and then ran a hand through her pink locks. They were longer, softer than her own. “Well, everyone’s going to know we’re together, too. Can’t believe I convinced you to match with me. I don’t think I’ve ever managed to get another gir... someone else to do that.”

 Rose gave a chuckle. “I like it,” she said, “and I’ve wanted to dye my hair for ages. You still think it suits me, right?”

 “Um, well, pink doesn’t work on everyone.” Roxy clicked her tongue, and then gave a sly smile. “But it certainly does on you. If you want, we could even make the carpet match the drapes.”

 Rose blushed deeply. “I’m not so sure about that, Rox. But, uh. I’m open to it if it would make you happy, I guess.”

 “Hmm?” Roxy’s touches became more firm, her fingers untangling curls before tugging her, just sharply enough to draw a shocked breath from Rose. “And here I was utterly convinced you liked a little pain down there. But, no, I do suppose you’re quite sensitive to bleach. Oh well. There’s been a new trend of chicks dying their armpits online. Mostly tumblr folk, though, you know I don’t mix with them.”

 “I’ve never been on tumblr so I wouldn’t know.” Rose shrugged. “So when do we get to Paris?”

 "In a couple of hours." Roxy seemed a little tense for a second. "And you're really not missing out. Just crazy teenager bitches thinking they can outdo the feminism we've been building for decades, and somehow only to include men. They're all insane."

 “Yeah, sounds like it’s better not to get mixed up with that,” Rose agreed. “The entire thing is too political for me. I have bigger worries, you know.”

 "You do! Like picking out which Rosé will go with the dinner we're having tonight." Roxy pecked her cheek before pulling out a chunky portable DVD player. "And look at what the cat dragged in, too. I brought some films, just for the trip."

 Rose rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “I mean, that, and my dad dying of cancer,” she said, “but films are important too. What should we watch?”

 "Oh, shit. Sorry." Roxy said, but was preoccupied by looking through her bag. "Hmmm. Inception. Stuart Little... how did that get there? Avatar... That film was so unmemorable for something so big."

 “It was pretty impressive in the cinemas,” Rose said, “well, at least visually. We can start there and see how far we get?”

 "Alright, I can strap myself in for this snoozefest." Roxy seemed visibly disappointed, but didn't say any more.

 Rose read her body language perfectly. She shrunk in on herself. Why even bring it if it’s obviously the wrong choice?

She busied herself with putting on the movie and let out a soft sigh.

  Roxy read into the sigh and put her arm back and Rose, less intimate. "Is there a problem?"

 Rose cast her a glance. “No, it’s fine. Let’s just watch the movie.”

 Roxy gently tossed her arms up into a shrug. "Whatever, babe." And pressed play.

 Most of the train ride passed with them watching the movie in an awkward silence. Rose barely even dared to look at Roxy.

Well fuck me if this is the way this weekend is gonna go.

 Their silence was broken about twenty minutes before the journey ended, as Roxy got herself up. "Gonna take a leak and get some grub. Want anything?"

 “Some tea would be nice, I guess,” Rose said. “Aren’t we eating when we get there?”

 "I suppose, but that's not likely to happen for a couple of hours. We need to catch another couple of trains when we get to Paris, unless you want to eat at the station." There was a sort of scoff in her voice.

Always eating, this one.

 “Oh. Are... we not staying in the city?” Rose didn’t miss Roxy’s tone.

 "Not exactly. It's kind of a surprise."

 Rose raised an eyebrow. “Taking me to Paris isn’t enough of a surprise?”

 "It is in Paris." It was Roxy's turn to look a little sheepish. "Just trust me, yeah? It's going to be nice."

 Rose softened a little. “Okay. I trust you. Do I need to wear a blindfold or something?”

 "That won't be necessary. I'm sure you'll be able to tell soon enough, anyway."

 “Alright then. You just lead the way when we get there. And... I wouldn’t mind getting something to eat.”

 "Of course you wouldn't. Want something sweet? Crisps?"

 “Actually, I was more thinking like a sandwich.” Rose blushed a little. “But... maybe I just won’t have anything. We can eat when we get there.”

 "Probably a good idea anyway!" Roxy was already making her way down the train cart before turning on her heel. "Were you the one who likes milk and no sugar, or black and sugar?"

 “...both milk and sugar. If that’s okay.” Rose looked down, feeling guilty. “Maybe just milk this time.”

 "I mean, dairy is just more calories." Roxy looked her up and down. "Just sayin'.”

 Rose frowned. “Well, I don’t like my tea black. Oh, you know what, never mind. We still have water. I’ll be fine.”

 "Awh," Roxy pouted before turning again. "Well, if you're sure."

 Rose didn’t answer. She rummaged in her bag until she found the water bottle; by the time she’d pulled it out, Roxy was gone.

 Roxy returned just as the train conductor announced that they were nearly in Paris. She carried an armful of snacks, including a cheese crossiant in her mouth. She placed the array on the table. "The queue was a mile long and I ended up going a bit overboard."

 “Well, we’re nearly there. Do you want me to take some of these in my bag?” Rose offered, reaching out for the snacks.

 "Alright, just make sure I see some of them." Roxy teased as she sat down. "Oh! Look, you can already see the city from here." She went through her bag and pulled out some sheets of paper. "Next train is in ten. We'll need to run to wherever this platform is."

 “Oh boy. Okay.” Rose gathered her stuff. “Let’s try not to lose each other. I’m sure this station will be packed.”

 "Okay." Roxy outstretched her hand as the train pulled to stop, the other passengers began to gather themselves up. "Follow me, yeah?"

 Rose held on to Roxy’s hand as they made their way through the busy station. The train Roxy led them to was about to leave, so Rose didn’t have time to check where it was going. They jumped on, and the doors closed behind them.

The announcement was in French, and there was only one word that Rose understood.

Disneyland. Oh god please don’t tell me... it might just be a coincidence. Surely she wouldn’t.

  Meanwhile, Roxy began to grow more and more excited. "I've always wanted to go, but never had the time, you know." She pulled out a disposable camera, "I know it's a bit old school and that we can't take naughty pics, but I also brought this. First trip selfie?"

 Rose let Roxy drag her into the selfie and put on a smile. Please tell me you haven’t.

 They drew closer, the sound of children clamouring was getting louder. A group of what appeared to be excited school children had settled in the seats around them. "Ugh. Forgot there would be kids around." Roxy muttered.

 Rose watched in growing horror.

Finally, she couldn’t keep it in anymore. “We’re not going to Disneyland, are we?”

 "Winner winner, chicken dinner! Surprise!" Roxy clapped her hand as the train stopped. "We're here!"

 Rose froze for a solid few seconds.

This is a dream. This can’t be real. This is wrong.

But she didn’t wake up, and nothing changed. She clenched her teeth.

“Wow,” she said. “Uh. I... I don’t know what to say.”

 "Isn't it great?" Roxy roughly grabbed onto Rose's arm, practically trembling with excitement. "Apparently they serve a lot of booze here, too, so it should be really swell!" The train stopped, the noise outside could be heard through the open train window. "You can start thanking me now."

 Rose looked away. “Thanks,” she muttered. As the noise grew, Rose grew close to tears.

This is going to be horrible.

 Roxy clocked in to her tone. She paused for a few moments, frowning. "Hey, what's the matter? You okay?"

 Rose sighed, the tension going out of her shoulders for a moment. “I... just didn’t expect to have to deal with... crowds and loud noises and children.”

 "Awh, shoot! I mean, honey, you're planning to work at a school. You might as well get used to it."

 Rose shot her an impenetrable look.

“It’s kind of different when I’m supposed to be on holiday,” she said. “Whatever. Let’s go. What’s the plan?”

 Roxy turned still. People started to get out of the train carriage, leaving them alone. She then curled her lip. "You can go home right now if you don't want to spend time with me. I thought we were trying to work on trusting each other."

 Rose’s chest tightened. “Which is why I asked you what the plan was. Look, this isn’t... about me not wanting to spend time with you.”

 Roxy's expression shifted into a dark glare. She took out her wallet and pulled a few notes. "Well, go have yourself a time somewhere else, sweetie. I'm gonna hit up fucking Disneyland because I paid for a cool holiday for both of us and frankly, I can do it alone."

 “Roxy, no!” Rose immediately shrunk back to Roxy’s side, her expression meek. “I’m sorry, okay? I... I’m excited about this. I am. Don’t abandon me here, please.”

 Roxy gave her a little more of her glare and then forced a smile, as if nothing had happened. "Alright, sweetie. I'm glad we could figure this out. I love you so much." She grabbed at Rose's hand. "Let's go!"

 Rose let herself be dragged along by Roxy through the crowd of excited children, feeling nothing but dread.

This is like the exact opposite of what I needed.

 Roxy seemed to be absolutely unaware, chatting eagerly as they approached the entrance. "The food here is super special. It's a bit tacky but I'm sure they've got lots of protein options in case you want to stay away from carbs."

 Rose looked around, uneasy. “Are we staying at a hotel here?”

 "Yep! Disney's Hotel New York. It's a bit further away than the Disney hotel itself, but only about a ten minute walk." She gave a cheeky grin. "Empire state club room."

 “That sounds... great,” Rose said. She felt like she needed a drink. “Are we going there first, then?”

 "Yeah, just need to check in and dump all of our shit." Roxy nodded, walking past some children and shooting them a dangerous glare.

 “Okay. Let’s do that, then.” At least a hotel room promised some respite from the children, and maybe Rose would be able to convince Roxy not to go out today in favour of a nap and some cuddles.

 "I can't wait to check out the park. I've always wanted to laugh at how bad the character suits are, apparently the actors need to stay in character too." Roxy chuckled, pulling her blackberry phone out as it buzzed and biting her lip in a sultry way as she glanced at the message.

 Rose ignored Roxy’s phone. Roxy had a busy social life, was constantly getting messages. “That sounds fun,” she said absent-mindedly. “Can we rest for a bit when we get to the hotel?”

 Roxy was quiet as she texted back, tongue sticking out in concentration, seemingly not even listening to Rose. She then glanced up. "What was that?"

 Rose already regretted asking. “Nothing, never mind. You know where we’re going, right?”

 "Uh, yeah. What do you take me for?" Roxy looked back at her phone. "Unless you wanna get food first?"

 “Food might be nice.” Rose started to relax a tiny little bit.

 "Alright, I'm also sure there's stuff closer to the hotel?" Roxy looked at her phone again. "Hold on, I'll see if I can find the map screenshot I downloaded."

She scrolled through her gallery, past a few of her own nudes. "Oh shit, better turn that brightness down."

 Rose got an eyeful of those pictures and immediately blushed. “Hey, I haven’t seen those. They look nice. Were you saving them for me?”

 "Uh, yeah." Roxy's eyes darted left to right. "I guess I ruined the surprise there. Oh! Found it! We're just a couple of minutes away. Can you manage until then?"

 “Of course, I’m not that desperate for food.” Rose gave Roxy a small smile. Things were okay... weren’t they?

 "Oh good. Then we'll slip bags away and go get food?" Roxy finally put her phone away.

 “Sounds good.” Rose hesitantly reached out for Roxy’s hand.

 After checking in, the two made their way into the hotel suite. All aspects seemed incredibly family oriented in the decor, ranging from garish colours to more adorned spaces. Roxy opened the doors and ran for the bed, "Haha! Check this place out!"

 Rose came in after her, the colours and decor already feeling overwhelming. She set down her bag and looked around. "Yes, it looks really cute," she said. For a five year old.

  "Isn't it just?" Roxy looked starry eyed. "Oh, it's everything I hoped for us! Ooo, look at that view, you can actually see a lot of the park!"

 Rose joined her by the window. "Wow, yeah, you can," she said, trying to sound enthusiastic. Down there she could see rollercoasters, shops, more bright colours... people. Children. Everywhere.

"Fantastic," she said, trying not to let sarcasm bleed into her voice.

 Roxy clocked the tone. "Is something the matter? Are you alright? Hungry?"

 "... yeah. Tired from travelling, I guess. Some food might be nice." Rose sat down on the bed, which at least felt comfortable and soft. She wanted to sink down into it and sleep until it was time to go home.

 "Alright. There's some places around, I can go and scout out some things while you nap, if you want?" Roxy said, starting to take out her luggage. "I've got some friends who live in Paris to meet up with at some point just in case you're not feeling up to going outside."

 "Oh, actually, I would love to see Paris, if you're going into the city... but a nap might be nice as well." Please, I want to see Paris... get me out of Disneyland, please.

 "Ah, well, I'll have to arrange it first and we want to stay mostly at the park, anyway?" Roxy tilted her head up from the closet where she was stacking her clothes. Something in her tone spoke that she didn't want Rose to be involved with going into the capital.

 Rose caught on, her heart twisting. "Please can I come? I've always wanted to see the city. It's so romantic as well, we could get dinner at a nice place there? And if you've got friends here I'd love to meet them. Please can we go together?"

 Roxy suddenly looked suspiciously uncomfortable. She didn't look Rose in the eyes, despite the forced pleasantness of her tone. "I'll see what I can do. How about you catch that nap while I see about food? I'll find a place that does something nice and low carb for you, yeah?"

 "Yeah, sure." Rose's shoulders slumped, and she began taking off her jacket. "Do you know when you'll be back?"

 "Not too long, feel free to rest as long as you need to. If you want, you can even sleep and lemme know when you wake up so we can meet up at the park?" Roxy got her makeup bag and pulled out a few bits.

 "Maybe... but maybe food first." Rose, personally, wanted to avoid going into the park for as long as possible. "We could, uh, chill for today and go in... maybe tomorrow?" she suggested timidly.

 "Oh man, but I paid a lot for all the days." Roxy pouted behind her mascara wand. "How about... I get us some food and you can sleep after while I hit the park? Or you could just sleep and avoid the calories. Might help!" Her tone was barely just joking.

 "Maybe. I don't know." Rose was exhausted. "I'll take a nap and see how I feel."

 "Alright, well! I'll be a phone call away. Kisses!" Roxy's lips were glossy and glittery, leaving a sticky mark on Rose's cheek.

 Rose waited until the door had closed behind Roxy, then gave in to the urge to wipe the lipgloss from her cheek. She sighed and slowly unpacked her bag, changed into her pyjamas, but not without looking at her belly, feeling disgusted. Roxy was right. Maybe she should just skip lunch. And maybe dinner too.

She'd slimmed down a little in the past few months, but not enough. Never enough.

She sighed once again, wrapped herself in blankets and tried to fall asleep.

 --

 It was their last day at the park. Roxy had been sifting through her desired rides, seemingly blind to Rose's increasing contempt and frustration. She fidgeted at her set of bedazzled Mickey Mouse ears as she spied a map. "Just a couple left! How about ‘Small World’? Cl- My old ex and I always chatted about going there to make out, it's a staple of the Disneyland experience."

 Rose avoided Roxy's eyes. "Sure. Last one?" The thought of having to once again live up to Roxy's ex made her feel sick.

 "Yeah, I'm getting pretty tired of all this." Roxy began walking towards the direction of the queue. The timer display noted that the wait would be approximately fifty minutes. "Oh, hey, not too bad!" Roxy exclaimed, pointing at it.

 "Oh. Fantastic." It had gotten increasingly difficult to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. Rose looked around and was put off by how many small children there were. "Are you sure about this?"

 "Uh, yeah?" Roxy narrowed her eyes. Her tone passive aggressive. "Is there a problem?" Her voice was dangerously loud.

 "No, no. Of course not." Rose shrugged it off, as usual. "Let's do it."

 Roxy smiled, but something in her eyes still seemed to be burning. "Excellent! Can't wait, I've heard this one is incredibly catchy."

 "Cool." Rose forced a smile. "Can I get one of those slushies before we join the queue?"

 "Uh... I think we've had enough of that today." Roxy gave Rose's belly a little pat, her tone condescending. Members of the queue turned to look. "We could fill up on food after?"

 "Okay." Rose turned away from Roxy a bit. "Let's go then."

The queue was long, full of children, and looked like it moved very slowly. Rose couldn't think of what to say to fill up the time they had, so she stood in silence.

 Roxy took her phone out to text, and did so for about the wait time. As they approached the entrance, she turned to Rose. "You okay?"

 Rose didn't look. "Yeah, I'm okay." She couldn't help sounding bitter. "Having the best time of my life, in fact."

 Roxy frowned. "I don't appreciate your tone. What is wrong?"

 Rose looked at her, a comical grin on her face. "Nothing is wrong! Everything is great! I just said I'm having the best time!" Her voice rose a bit.

 "Jesus! What is the matter with you?"Roxy hissed, looking around. "Chill! What's the problem, I know you're messing with me."

 "What's the-" Rose snorted, laughed bitterly. "What isn't the problem!! I haven't been enjoying any of this! Not that you would care!"

 "Um? I paid for your fat ass to have a vacation in the happiest place on Earth? Why are you not enjoying yourself?"

 "The happiest place on earth, my ass. Maybe if you're five." Rose was seething. She stopped, though, as it was their turn to go on the ride.

They entered the boat and were engulfed by a tunnel. The boat they were in moved slowly, and in the tunnel, small figurines in picturesque settings started singing and dancing in slow, robotic motions.

"Seriously?! We waited in line for an hour, for this?" Rose hissed.

 A loud 'shhh' emanated from the boat behind them. Roxy swallowed, her cheeks red even in the dim lights. "Stop it! You're being embarrassing! And fucking ungrateful, you brat!"

 "Ungrateful? I never asked for this!" Rose did not pipe down. Actually, she got louder with every word. "Maybe I'd be more grateful if you'd actually asked! Or considered my feelings or wishes, ever! But no! We get fucking Disneyland, with an obligation to go on the side. I hate noise! I hate kids! I hate rollercoasters! I hate all of this!"

 "You haven't said a peep about that until now!" Roxy somehow grew louder than Rose, nearly standing up. "You're so fucking blind if you can't see how ungrateful you're being, and it's appalling! And now you're causing drama and ruining this bloody trip! Do you know how long I've looked forward to this? Over twenty fucking years! Twenty years, I've wanted to go to Disneyland, with my dad, with Claire, and I chose to do it with you because you're the most important person to me!"

 “Am I really? Because wow, that’s big news to me! I’ve really just gotten the impression that the only person you really care about is yourself! I wanted none of this! I didn’t want to go to fucking Disneyland, I didn’t want to go on this ride, and I sure as hell didn’t want to live off food from Disneyland when we’re in Paris. I thought I made myself clear that I wanted to go into the city! But no, you snuck off while I was asleep and didn’t even bring me anything! I don’t want to be here, Roxy!”

 “You never said anything about being unhappy, though! Do you expect me to read your fucking mind?” Roxy hissed, but a deep blush seemed to have formed over her cheeks as her visit to the city was mentioned. She suddenly turned as she heard a child crying from the boat behind her, and realised that all other attendants had been staring at the confrontation, wide eyed. “Listen, you fat twat. Do you want to break up right now? Because I’m happy to leave this ride single if you’re going to be this ungrateful and shitty to me. But good luck finding someone, anyone else that’ll drag you to Paris, all expenses paid.”

 Rose drew back, tears gathering in her eyes. Her lips trembled, and she continued, whispering. “I just... I was hoping for something quiet. And nice. And to spend time with you, and maybe talk about stuff, you know I’m going through a lot right now, with my dad and everything. I just wanted to rest a bit. And that’s not really possible here. Is it?”

 “I mean, I figured it would be a good distraction. We’ve even got the hotel room for privacy, but you’ve been bloody mum about all your feelings since we got here, frankly.” Roxy rolled her eyes. “You’re acting like I don’t care about any of your family shit, and I really, really do. I’m here for you and I love you and I’m, like, listening? Who else has been here for you, huh? Your mom? Friends? Absolutely fucking no one.”

 “Well, you kind of... get upset with me if I mention it or if I talk to anyone else about it. I don’t have anyone else to talk to and if I try to talk to you, you just tell me to stop being such a baby!” Rose found herself crying, unable to control her volume anymore. “And you never listen to me when I tell you what I want! You had a million chances to give me what I want this trip! And you squandered each and every one of them because you wanted to go to Disneyland! And because apparently listening to me is too much of a fucking chore!”

 Roxy shot her a hard glare and sat down, face displaying deep upset. "Have fun finding your way back to England."

 The ride had ended. The child behind them was still crying. Other people were giving them looks ranging from pity to outrage.

Rose just wanted to cease existing in that moment. She didn’t even bother answering Roxy, just turned around and ran for it, making her way back to the hotel room while crying.

If this is what she wants, she can have it. I don’t care. I’m going home.

When she reached the hotel room, she tried to pack, but found herself unable to in the midst of her emotional turmoil, blinded by her tears.

 Roxy was staying behind, still within the park. She glanced into her wallet, considering where Rose had gone off to. The direction of the hotel.

No bother. Rose could do what she wanted, and it was likely going to be self harming in some way. All according to plan. Roxy would just have to avoid the fallout and swoop in at a convenient moment to save her. A few hours would do. Maybe a day of ghosting... Hm...

Roxy smirked for a brief second, already wondering how she'd post up this event as an entry on her account.

Her eyes briefly widened. The account was still open on a tab on her laptop.

"Fuck."

 In the meantime, Rose ended up blindly throwing stuff into her suitcase. Once she was a little distracted by packing, she found that her tears had died down. She could think a little more clearly again.

“Right.” She stood in the chaotic hotel room, looking like a mess, talking to herself. “I need to figure out what train I can take.”

Her eyes fell onto Roxy’s laptop. It looked like it was still on. Rose approached it – knowing that Roxy would flip out if she knew Rose had even thought about touching it.

But then, she didn’t really care about what Roxy thought right now. She opened it up. The internet browser was opened on a LiveJournal.

I shouldn’t.

She skimmed a few sentences, then looked away. She couldn’t help looking at Roxy’s username, though.

Might have a look at that later. I wonder why she’s never told me about this.

She chased the thoughts away and opened a new tab to have a look at trains.

 Roxy was sprinting towards the hotel, earning strange looks as she practically flew past families of park goers. She pressed past the hotel doors, heart beating loudly in her chest.

If Rose had a look through her LiveJournal, it would all be over.

 Rose had been looking for trains on a French website. Her French was only barely good enough to figure out what she was doing, and she had finally found a suitable train when Roxy burst through the door.

Rose immediately jumped away from the laptop.

 Roxy was staring at her, wide eyed. After a pregnant pause, she cleared her throat and straightened her posture, but her voice was still uncharacteristically shaky. "What are you doing?"

 Rose shrunk into herself. "I was just looking up trains to go home," she said.

 "That's all?" Roxy's gaze was unblinking.

 "Y...yeah... I was so upset. I... I want to go home, Roxy."

 Roxy looked at the laptop and let out a deep breath. She approached Rose. "You sure? We can still figure things out. I'll take you to Paris, yeah?"

 "Please don't feel like you have to." Rose looked down. "I don't know, it wouldn't mean as much if you're only doing it because I got mad at you."

 "Nah." Roxy smoothly stepped closer. "It's the least I could do after you had such a shit time. We could hit a restaurant or something on our way back?"

 "Oh... please." Rose found herself caving, her anger dissipating. "That... would be nice."

 "Yeah?" Roxy offered a small smile, rubbing gently on her arm with the light tips of her fingers. "I'm sorry about that fight, I'm such an idiot. I really should just die sometimes."

 "No... no, you don't deserve that." Rose sighed. "I... started packing," she said. "I mean, we're going home tomorrow anyway. We could have a nice evening out in Paris."

 "You've got that website up, pass me the laptop and I'll get us some tickets." Roxy's touches reached Rose's neck. "I'm starting to see your collarbones. Good work."

 "Huh, despite all the Disneyland food?" Rose gave a weak chuckle as she leaned into Roxy's touches. "Well, it wasn't particularly good, so maybe that's why. I haven't eaten that much."

 "Sounds like you're on a good track. You look sexy."

 "Oh, do I, now?" Rose smiled at Roxy and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss onto the corner of Roxy's mouth. "I suppose we could stay here for a little while longer before we go out."

 Roxy returned the smirk as she closed the laptop. "I suppose we could."