#[[The story to why Lottie will not polyship]]

[charlotte-liddel]

"...Well, ma'am, since you asked... I have had my fair share of experiencing love. I've learned a few things over the years too. The worst has been learning for myself if anyone ever wants to speed run a relationship into ruin with me they only have to say two specific words in a statement to kill any romantic feelings I might have had left for them..."

"...I want to try an Open Relationship."

Charlotte sets down a teacup on the table, speaking to a curious elderly woman. She was willing to talk about this with some when her café was this empty at this hour. Better to speak about such topics with the quiet customers of the evening who had far more respect than the more rowdy kids during the day.

Entertaining patrons conversations was second nature in this business, and this woman was keen on speaking about young love after spotting a couple enjoying a nice dinner in the private booth on the other side of the café. Since the woman was alone too, she decided to be a more attentive hostess in carrying her conversation with her. It also helped to pass the time for the evening.

As the customer questioned what she meant, she spun the serving platter in her hands to rest it against her chest. It wasn't hard for her to share her opinion on this, given her first hand experience of someone saying those words to her. It scarred her heart deeply, and left her guarded to anyone who approached her that was interested first.

It also left the words she wanted to say about it like biting daggers if she wasn't careful.

Eyeing the door for a moment, watching the shadows pass by outside, she looks back to the elderly woman while offering a small smile before she speaks carefully chosen words, "I've had it happen before. Had someone I gave my heart to just turn around and say those words to me while showing me his new fiancé."

"...Only reason I found out that they were his fiancé, and a shotgun one no less, was because that stranger ran their mouth about it. It became pretty obvious my ex wanted to keep me around as a side piece and take advantage of me. Even if the fiancé was nice to me, cordial even, what they were presenting me with wasn't something I ever wanted." Charlotte let out another sigh as she moved her wrist to clear a table with her magic behind her while the elderly woman was cleaning her glasses. She didn't want to spook the kindly patron with the sight since she was still new to the café.

As the elderly woman put back on her glasses, giving her condolences, Charlotte gently stopped her with a soft touch to the woman's aged hand. She'd already heard enough sentiments from others about the experience, and appreciated every one. It didn't hurt like a raw wound anymore, but she accepted the painful scar of it would always remain.

"I'm alright, ma'am, really. It was years ago now and I've left that fool behind. I won't lie and say that it doesn't sting sometimes when I remember it. How worthless it made me feel to him because it became clear I suddenly wasn't enough for him. That he didn't love me, care for me, the way I did for him. But it also showed me the truth about who he was. What sort of man he was, and it wasn't someone that would ever be happy no matter who or how many loved him."

What she held back on was speaking of how that spouse he took made their marriage polygamous with another woman that they were already involved with while getting involved with her ex. The strain it caused as then her ex wasn't at the centre of being loved by the partners anymore, but now his new spouse. She saw at a distance how her ex vied for more attention as the new wife didn't really have eyes for him. How the relationship became a competition of affection once her narcissist of an ex wasn't at the centre of receiving adoration. How two narcissists in that relationship strained everything.

Two of them wanted to be at the centre, but her ex lost her being involved and couldn't get what he wanted. She wasn't going to be there for someone else's selfish satisfaction of being more worshipped than truly giving another person their love. Her choice helped to reveal that blaring flaw of what she knew to her was a false romance. To reveal the trap to feed narcissists egos that it truly was.

The truly relieving fact was she didn't need to, as she saw that glimmer of understanding in the elderly woman's eyes at her words. It was enough to let Charlotte know that she understood too well in some manner what she shared. That her years made for that sage wisdom that she enjoyed so dearly from the older folks.

As she listened to the woman ramble to her about how foolish her ex was, she smiled. Those words reminded her of how she saw that farce of a relationship fall into ruin as it couldn't sustain the greedy egos of two narcissists both wanting to be in the centre of the affection. How there wasn't actual love or adoration from them to one another, creating a black hole between them that all too quickly destroyed everything they tried to greedily have.

They both wanted to be at the centre of the others universe and that clashed violently.

"...Believe me, I know. Things fell rightly apart for them. Explosively. Permanently. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't satisfying to watch as they finally stopped trying to hang around near me. It helped in a way for me to get over it. Though it doesn't men I didn't see others with roaming eyes years later, even recently, who thought I could somehow be an addition to their harem." Charlotte lets out a sardonic chuckle at the thought.

"It's like an odd blight. Seeing people who want to be the centre of someone else's universe, of multiple peoples universes in affection, to try and satisfy their own ego. That their attention, their affection, is conditional to each partner they take on. If any one partner is too enthusiastic when receiving their attention isn't doing it at a convenient time for the narcissist in the centre they ignore them. If they want to maximize their time management of their harem, they try to get some on board to have a time share of two or more spending the same time with that narcissist. Hell, the recent one was rather aggressive when rebuked by me." She stops herself, letting out a short chuckle, "Sorry for going a bit off there."

The elderly woman smiles and waves away her worries, assuring her it's fine as she's glad to have the cafe owners company while she enjoyed her tea. Her gentle sentiments of hoping Charlotte didn't encounter another person sizing her up like something to be collected that way were warming to the heart. It felt like the first bit of sane conversation she'd heard from anyone about this rise in narcissism masquerading as a sexual identity in the world lately.

She knew in other worlds, with beings that were further removed from humans, this thing they called Polyamory could and did work. She'd seen it here and there when it wasn't simply on a modern earth with humans. The humans she came across just weren't really made to be able to emotionally handle the strain of such a relationship.

It strained their psyche's and human history often showed the reflection of what having multiple women to one man or multiple men to one woman did. The nations it toppled from the inside because there was a constant fight to be at the top of the man or woman in the middle that was the narcissist holding the power. The devastation it wrought on the confidence of those that found themselves at the bottom of every list of priorities to the one they adored. It's why she saw her experiences of it as a blight.

Every personal encounter Charlotte had with this polyamory in the worlds where there was someone who wanted her to join their growing collection revealed only selfish narcissists. People driven to have their egos fed by people throwing themselves down to give them love they don't return because they want to be in control. They want to receive unconditional love from people they can use.

Any world she saw where Polyamory functioned in that reality the way people believed it would in theory in the worlds where it didn't, she didn't want to disrupt too much. Those places had something working that she saw broken everywhere else, and she didn't dare want to ruin that for those places. Upsetting those realities balances would ripple to the ones that were the mirror to them, destroying them both. Something she'd already seen once and didn't want to have repeat.

Waving her hand apologetically for the elderly woman when she noticed she left a long silence between them, she watched the woman give her a smile. With a little nod, she gave a smile back, "Sorry, my mind went a million miles away there for a moment. Would you like me to bring you anything else? It is getting late, and as much as I'd love to talk until dawn, that wouldn't be healthy."

She wanted to make sure she got this lovely woman on her way before it was too late. The conversation they shared was somewhat releasing for Charlotte. Something she needed to share and hear.