#{❀ L U N A // blessed stars of life and light}

[strywoven]

@astarab1aze has requested a story : once again he comes to see them, only this time he's something else, someone else. dressed in holy skin, gleaming for those with eyes to see it, sunfire framing godhood in warm golden light and the markings of a fox, having undergone an incredible change. he pawed and nipped at them as if nothing had, altering the shape and appearance of the world around them until they both were everywhere and nowhere at once beneath a curtain of bright-burning stars - nothing and no one to bother them. where he could tease and play and chuff and purr till his heart was content; he had no other intentions, affection pouring out of him wordlessly and in waves, kissing kaen in every spot he could manage, just--

𝑼𝒏𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒅.

Fate makes for a fickle mistress ; inevitable by design , all things heed the call eventually.  And Kaen , too , fell prey to the course of the narrative , of the destiny which may well have been foretold long before their name was stained upon the realm , impressed deep within the annals of the ancients , held aloft and arisen in newfound r e v e r e n c e .  It is hard to say exactly how long ago now that the wee faun had lost touch with their old life ( & everyone in it ) , but what is done , is done ; what is , is what must be.  Gone is the godling doe formerly known as Kaen , and here for the remnant of all-time ‘til own fire does dim to nothing , is the burning glory , the herald of harmony , the bestial vestige of LIGHT & LOVE itself , our great Kaëltyr ( blessed be , good creature ! blessed be ! ) .

It is hard to affirm how much time has passed since departing the mortal realm and ascending the mantle.  But it assumes it must have been … At l e a s t a few seasons since.  Kaëltyr is not without some sense of regret , after all it disappeared without giving good-bye , without being able to promise it might ever return ( not one to make empty vows , but it could not bear the mourning , the grief , the sorrow of its departure ) .  And even here , surrounded by a realm that beats in pulse-tuned to its own spirit and heart , it wonders : Should I go back ?  If they were honest with themself ( as they hardly ever are ) , it would confess that there really is only ONE SOUL it craves to see again.  If only it could ⸺

⸺ LOUX ?

Blinking bewildered , startled so much that several eyes ( normally lingering shut ) snap wide and disbelieving , their blighted-blue glimmer shimmering b r i g h t e r to behold the vision of a too-familiar apparition.  And they assume , at first , that this is merely a trick of own subconscious , as is the whimsy of the groves and grottos playing to folly of the great god’s heart ( t’would not be the first time , it knew far too well ) .  So the beastly divinity staggers , fumbling in stance despite massive stature , losing elegant poise and looking rather r u f f l e d .  Maw parts , but tongue is stiff and little comes forth amid the shock of it all.

This i s Loux , Kaëltyr knows , it can sense it.  Yet he has , as it has in all that time apart , CHANGED .  Immensely so , and just as it did when it was still confined within the shape of a faun , the Immaculate feels its heart skip at his presence , the dulled longing and ache and yearning SURGING FORTH in a great force that bids them breathless as he consecrates them with his fire-touched affection , spiriting them away to some unknown place ( oh - the lessers marking the council will be displeased for that - but what does it matter ? he’s back ! he’s alive ! he’s here ! ) .  Kaëltyr all but sets a b l a z e , turning a l i g h t in joy as if the sun rising upon this night-veiled little space , shrouding them each in own prismatic aura , flickering and shimmering and dancing in colorful hues most abundant.  Did he think it would remain idle ?  Many arms curl tight , keeping him still and close , holding him against their burning breast , crowned head lowering to tuck against his ; calm , still , merely savoring the moment after so long without one another ( forgive it their grip upon him , claws unable to stop from piercing & teeth unable to stop from marking as it growls & churrs in humming rumbles ) .

This is all it needs.  There are no words which can encompass the happiness this has brought , neither can they help the stream of crystal-formed tears p l i n k i n g delicately against Loux’s shoulder.  This is enough , Loux is enough ; LOUX WAS ALWAYS ENOUGH .

[hornime]

hq as my discovery weekly | part one

warnings: this is completely sfw, combo of fluff and angst

characters included: kenma, akaashi, oikawa, suna, koganegawa, ushijima, bokuto, kuroo, hinata, kita, terushima, iwaizumi, osamu, kageyama, sakusa

a/n: this was a random idea i thought of but i think it’ll be really cute haha. maybe you guys’ll find some new songs in the process! totally encourage anyone to use this idea if they want cus this was super fun to write!

playing... one through fifteen / sixteen through thirty

↪ “cotton candy lemonade" by blu detiger: kenma kozume

i've been up too long, something's wrong / watch the rising sun / turning all my nights to days

i've been on my own, come find me now / i'm lonely to the bone / but I don't feel so low when you're around / let's run away from home

you'll bе my kaleidoscope, my color in this life / watching thе world fade away

kenma is not the most extroverted and he’s in his head a lot, so he’s someone that might not always see the ‘color’ in things that exist around him. but when it comes to you, well, you’re someone that makes him look up from his screen a little longer than usual.

↪ “love affair” by umi: akaashi keiji

don't overthink this is love / maybe it's just a crush

i hope what I feel is enough / maybe this is just lies

i wanna know how to feel, what to feel, what's right / i never know / 'cause when it gets real, I just run away / and hide from you

akaashi gets anxiety. he used to be certain about a lot of things—his intelligence, his skill, his happiness, but most important to him was his feelings for you. he’s overthinking again, he knows it, but he’s getting an uncontrollable itch that maybe this is all in his head; he doesn’t love you, he just think he does. but when you’re in his arms, breathing even and eyes fluttered shut, he remembers what you always told him: it doesn’t matter what he knows, it matters what he feels. and he feels like the luckiest man alive.

↪ “coke” by iii addicts, danice: oikawa tooru

come closer, i been eyeing you from way over / so it's time i come for some closure

had to let her know that you could lick this / shake it up, it's gonna probably gon' bust

why, tell me why / why am i not satisfied / every time i cross that line / i feel it, i feel it

oikawa feels like tantalus: a man constantly reaching for a goal just out of reach, straining his muscles and screaming his voice hoarse just for a glimpse of an unattainable destiny. he’s desperate to get ahead, and while he may be running at top speed at all times, the finish line doesn’t seem to be getting any closer. his worst fear is that, some time he’ll slow his pace and look back and realize he hasn’t gotten very far at all.

↪ “baby powder” by jenevieve: suna rintaro

i'll put up with you babe / there's somethings I won't take / baby don't feel me false / yeah that turns me off

you're making me so high now / you're everything I'd ever want / you're keeping me so dry now / you're everything I'd never want uh

plastic on the floor but it ain't for me / ima go up to the place that i'd rather be

suna is straightforward. he won’t deal with your bullshit, and he learns that you won’t deal with his either, which makes you so appealing. when he starts letting more and more of you in, he feels you slipping through his fingers. you wanted to be friends, so you treat him as one. he doesn’t remember when he started wanting more.

↪ “chandelier (instrumental version)” by paquin: koganegawa kanji

instrumental so no lyrics lol

koganegawa is bubbly. he’s a bouncer: he bounces between social circles, bounces colors behind his eyes, and bounces back after adversity. he’s an amiable guy, and it’s landed him plenty of friends and opportunities, but best of all, it’s landed him you.

↪ “l-over” by u.s. girls: ushijima wakatoshi

my lover has no heart / magic moving blood around that body / he's cool to the touch / i don't see him much / but when I do, he does nothing for me

can you imagine trying to get / some satisfaction out of a stone?

spare me any talk of your future life / i don't know what I'll do without you

ushijima is stubborn. he’s deadset on achieving his goals for the future, and if you can’t work with them, you better work around them. you’re tired of how he grounds you; you thought it was a blessing at first, having a guy that knew what he wanted and would always act as a constant in your life, but you’ve started to see that he’s not a lighthouse anymore, he’s an anchor. he’s an anchor that’s chaining you to the ocean floor and will drown you if you, even for a second, stop kicking your legs to stay afloat.

↪ “magic!” by リアムMAZE1981: bokuto koutarou

and when you smile at me that way / well you can warm the coldest day / it's magic

and all i have to do is think of you / to make the music start to play / then i dance down the street / and the people I meet stop and say hey hey

and when you want me you just clap your hands / and I'll be with you right away / then we'll float on a breeze / while the leaves in the trees softly say hey hey / magic ways, my friend / you love the girl with magic ways and it's true / i might as well give in

bokuto is bright. he tramps around the world with the light of the sun illuminating his face. there is nothing in the universe that could ever drag him down, especially not with you around. you’ve cast some kind of spell on him, he’s sure of it, because your very presence makes him certain that he’s immortal. he must be, because when he’s with you, he’s withstanding the heat of a thousand suns that erases the darkness in every shadow, corner, and crevice of his life. 

↪ “i hope that u think of me” by pity party (girls club): kuroo tetsuro

i hope that you dream of me baby / nightmares are what dreams are baby i-i-i / i think I'm fallin' out of love

you tell me that it's easy to be / you tell me that it's easy to be with me but you lie-i-i / why do you lie all the time?

kuroo is focused. he takes note of everything when he’s working on a task, down to dotting the ‘i’s and crossing the ‘t’s. he often finds himself with tunnel vision, unable to think of anything but the current responsibility at the top of his every-growing to-do list. somewhere along the way, he lost track of you—must’ve loosened his grip on your hand and your fingers fell through empty space. he’d look for you, back in the void, but he’s busy. he keeps moving, unaware that you’ve turned back, walking in the opposite direction as him to find the life before him that you barely remember.

↪ “the leanover” by life without buildings: hinata shoyo

kiss me, break my mind, close the door / black steel, break my mind, close the door

if i lose you in the street / i say, i say, i say, i say, i say, i say / wassup, wassup with you? / wassup with your friends?

hinata is unfazed. he knows that, when things go bad, there’ll always be something there to right them. so when your paths diverge—maybe your schedules don’t work out, your dates get canceled, your nights home become more and more sparse—he’s not worried. not one bit. because at the end of the night, he knows that you’ll always find your way back to one another, and you’ll always greet him with open arms. and he’ll always do the same.

↪ “ladyfingers - edit” by funding secured: kita shinsuke

instrumental so no lyrics lol

kita is polished. he works hard during the day to be with you at night, dancing in little circles in the small kitchen of your shared home. he looks at you with fondness and appreciation, thanking his stars a million times over for granting him with someone like you. he’s a tree, stable in the harshest of gales, but even trees like to sway with the wind sometimes.

↪ “black madonna” by cage the elephant: terushima yuuji

makes no difference here, so let's be real / black madonna, my black flower / nowhere left to run, nowhere left to hide / you're not havin' fun, i think that you should ride

climb so high, don't hear a sound / don't you forget what goes around, comes around / climb so high, tell me how to feel

call me when you're ready to be real / black madonna, my hallelujah

terushima is hedonistic. he’s never concerned himself with thoughts of the future, or of the past, or of anything, really. all he can think about is making each moment as willing to be lived as possible. you, on the other hand, are practical, too practical in his opinion, and he wants you to let loose, lighten up a little bit. maybe in the long run, it won’t be the best idea to let him take you by the hand and on a midnight adventure, but you haven’t thought that far ahead yet. guess he’s already rubbing off on you.

↪ “mother nature’s bitch” by okay kaya: iwaizumi hajime

everybody / please give a warm welcome to / to this current mood

here i am / easy to please / here i am / okay with it

here i am / desperate for attention / here i am / being mother nature's bitch

iwaizumi is hardworking. he does the best he can with everything he tries; sometimes that amounts to something and sometimes it doesn’t. most times it doesn’t fulfill his expectations, as high as they are. when you’re around, his borderline hatred for himself disappears. when you’re there to tell him how great he’s doing, the tension in his shoulders dissipates. 

↪ “smithereens” by rasharn powell, ab001: miya osamu

found my power / and my brethren / in a tussle with the world itself

see if I’m david, you’re goliath / there’s some power in defiance / put my heart in a slingshot / we been cycling away for days

searching for freedom always / likeness of an orgasm been had / empty with a peace that just don’t last / petite mort, then born again

osamu is pioneering. he opened a small business and eventually branched out, managing chains of his restaurant across the nation. it may not be a flashy job, but it’s a solid one, and a draining one. there are days of back-to-back shifts, afternoons overwhelming catering orders, and nights spent sleeping over on a cot near the kitchen. when he dreams, curled up with the smell of onigri still lingering in the air, he can only think of ‘what if’ he’d chosen another path, a path with a more obvious end, a more obvious definition of glory. but he still wakes up at dawn, conquering his own corner of the sky, knowing that his life, while it may be small, is not insignificant.

↪ “must be” by lou phelps: kageyama tobio

must be the henny on the ice / must be the diamonds that I buy / might be the shit that I write / whatever a n**** do and say, that's what I like

i'm on the cloud as i walk the front door / that's a boost, that's true, that's loo

yeah, um, i'mma need my space / 'cause you's a bum-bum, can't be standing next to me, uh / forgive me for my sins / don't tell me this is wrong if it feels right

kageyama is cocky. he’s good at what he does, amazing, actually, and he sure as hell knows it. he’s surrounded by people that make him better, people that he makes better, and he can’t think of a place he’d rather be. he’s on his way to carve his way into the moon and he’s not going to tolerate anyone that wants to keep him on earth.

↪ “jealous” by eyedress: sakusa kiyoomi

you could have anyone you want / why would you want to be with me? / you know, I'm nothing special

don't tell me about your problems / if you're not trying to solve them / don't ask me for my help

sakusa is independent. he’s not one to see himself as part of someone else’s orbit, opting to act like a random rock, floating in space with no origin and no destination. he’s worried that, if he gets too close to you, he’ll end up getting drawn in by your gravity and either crash land or burn up. neither seems appealing, and the idea of a safe encounter hasn’t even crossed his mind, so he’s going to keep moving on an endless trek towards the stars.

[fabulouspotatosister]

“You’re not in bed. I came looking for you.” f l u f f with 11 omgg head on chest, playing with hair, everythingg

"You're not in bed. I came looking for you." + head on chest, playing with hair

a/n: i know you said you asked for fluff but this started off with a bit of angst skksksks... anyway this is kind of a sequel to this request but you can read it on its own if you like! also. this is longer than usual. i got carried away. enjoy!

---

You're gone.

The Doctor cycles through a range of emotions - panic, confusion, a hint of amusement, relief, and then right back to panic. Panic isn't new to the Doctor, but this isn't a life-threatening kind of panic. It could be, he thinks to himself, then throws the offending thought into the back of his mind where it belongs.

He peers into your room. Your bed is empty. The sheets are rumpled, thrown aside in a hurry, but your pillows are neatly stacked. The lights in your room are dim, mimicking the brightness of a very early morning. Nothing looks particularly out of place.

It quells the Doctor's panic slightly. Only slightly, though. The Doctor's gaze catches on a bandage, lying crumpled on the floor, stained with blood. Yesterday's bandages, if he had to guess. Something prods at his hearts at the sight. He doesn't let it in.

The Doctor steps out into the TARDIS hallways, shutting your door behind him with a soft click. "Where has she gone, Sexy?" he asks softly.

The TARDIS hums, almost thoughtfully. Where else?

The Doctor finds you standing near the TARDIS doors. They're open, just enough so that you could reach out and close them yourself - because you opened them by yourself, the Doctor realizes. You leaned out and opened the doors by yourself instead of asking the TARDIS for help.

Knock, knock, says the thing that's been prodding at his hearts. You can't run from me forever.

He takes a moment to look at you. The Doctor's observant. Today that gift is both a blessing and a curse - you look adorable, with your messy hair, bundled up in a thick blanket that you've haphazardly thrown over your shoulders. But you're so small too, hiding your fragile self under your cozy blanket, frighteningly still.

The Doctor calls your name. You jump at the sound of his voice and turn around to face him, your face drawn.

"You're not in bed," he says softly. "I came looking for you."

You blink at him, wrapping your blanket tighter around yourself. "Sorry," you say, your voice just slightly louder than a whisper. You turn your gaze back towards the stars outside. "I'm just - I've been thinking a lot."

The Doctor walks slowly, moving to stand beside you. He keeps his distance, though. The light of the stars bounce off your face, painting you in the colors of the cosmos.

"Well, then you're turning into me," he says, an attempt at a joke. It takes almost half a minute before you laugh, and even then, it's barely a chuckle - just a breath, carried away into space.

Thirty seconds. You would have laughed at that, loud and bright, filling the TARDIS with joy, but you'd paused for thirty seconds. Just staring out, quiet, for thirty seconds. The longest thirty seconds of the Doctor's life.

He doesn't want to ask if you're alright because the answer's already clear. You glance at him, your gaze watery.

"Sorry," you say again. You shift closer to the Doctor, and the fuzzy fabric of your blanket brushes against his hand. "I'm alright."

The Doctor catches the way your voice wavers. You've never liked lying. He knows that better than anyone.

"Don't lie." He tries to keep the edge out of his voice, but it creeps in. You look up at him - the personification of warmth, and you're cold. "Right. Back to bed with you. Come on."

The TARDIS doors close quietly with a snap of his fingers. He wraps an arm around your shoulders and you don't fight back, tiredly stumbling along as he guides you back to your room. The lights are still dim when he pushes the door open, the faint scent of lemongrass wafting through. Silently, he thanks the TARDIS for her help.

You unwrap your blanket cocoon and sink into the sheets, your eyes already drooping. A tear slips out of one of your eyes - the Doctor catches it, brushes his thumb against your cheek before it can travel down the rest of your face. You look up at him sadly, and the look in your eyes rips his hearts in two.

I'm sorry, he wants to say. This is my fault. "Get some rest," he says instead, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. "Don't worry, I'll come wake you up tomorrow."

His hearts still hurting, he moves to leave - but your hand shoots out from underneath your blanket, fingers wrapping around his wrist.

"Don't go," you mumble. Your fingers tighten around his wrist ever so slightly, and you pull him back down. "Please. Don't leave me alone."

There's a moment where the Doctor considers letting go, pulling away. You can't run from me forever.

"Okay," he says quietly. "Alright. I'll stay."

He climbs into bed as carefully as he can - this body, with its long limbs, isn't exactly built for elegance, but he manages anyway. You move closer to him as soon as he's settled in, shifting so that your head's resting on his chest, one arm slung over his body.

The Doctor stills at the contact. He can feel the soft puffs of your breath against his chest, feel your hair tickle his skin. Goodness, it's been a while since he's been this close with anyone. He opens his mouth to say something -

Then your breath hitches, and the Doctor starts to feel his shirt getting damp.

He doesn't even think. His hands travel down and find their way into your hair. He runs his hands through the strands, untangling the knots that he can find and dragging his nails gently across your scalp.

You go quiet, your shaking subsiding. You take a deep breath in and then let it go - the Doctor practically feels the tension leave your body, and you melt against him, giving in to his touch. You make a happy noise, a rumbling sound in the back of your throat. The Doctor's mind goes completely blank.

Knock, knock. The doors to the Doctor's hearts burst wide open, and love comes rushing through.

You must be able to feel the Doctor's heartbeats quicken in his chest. He knows, he already knows how you feel, but the rush that overwhelms him is enough to make him stop breathing for a second.

"Doctor?" you ask, muffled against his chest, "you okay?"

"Yeah," he says, breathless, and this time, he isn't lying. "Totally fine. Splendid, actually."

He's got his chance, finally, and he isn't going to let it pass him by this time. He rests his chin on the top of your head, his hands still tangled in your hair. You're warm against him, and he's so comfortable. He's almost forgotten what it felt like, being truly home.

"I love you," he whispers. You snuggle in closer to him, too tired for words, but you mumble something that sounds a lot like "I know", and that's enough for him.

[blindrapture]

oh my god I fucking found it.

I wanted to find an easy way of reading Dante’s Inferno New Game Plus without having to boot up Frog Fractions 2 and go digging for it, so I opened up the game’s files and starting opening shit in notepad, and the first file I tried did indeed have it. All of it.

Some highlights:

‘You cannot hide or run from the Nacho Man, My arm is long and my eyes see into space; There is no nation that is not the Nacho Nation; Of all the world I am the savior, Pedal to the metal!  Everybody knows it! Oh yeah, let me tell you what I'll do; Through every city shall I will hunt her down, Until I have driven her back to Hell, Where some weaksauce demon let her loose. I know what's best and what is MACHO! Follow me buddy, and I will be your guide, We're going to have a real adventure. You're going to see some pretty gnarly stuff Some ancient ghosts and boogums that go woo, Maybe you'll be sad if you're a wuss; You'll also see some pretty happy folks They're happy mostly because I visit them, Everybody treasures a visit from the Nacho; If you want to go to heaven afterwords, To meet your ladyfriend or whatever; That's where we'll part ways I guess; Because that rightious dude who rules heaven, Has tasked me with bringing macho madness To those less fortunate, so I remain. Heaven is the most macho city of all; And until all are macho I must wait; This is my holy task, a righteous one.'

'Tell me, my Master, tell me, thou my Lord,' Began I, with desire of being certain Of that Faith which o'ercometh every error, 'Came any one by his own merit hence, Or by another's, who was blessed thereafter?' And he, who understood my covert speech, Replied: 'When I first got here, When from the sky a long-haired dude appeared, Almost as glorious as the Nacho Man himself. He grabbed some Bible dudes, I  think they were Abe and Abel and Noah's Ark but not Noah, I think Moses was there too?  It was rad. There were a bunch of others but honestly I can't be bothered to remember right now It really isn't important Past, present, future, It's the best there is. Ohhhh yeah. And then that guy left and never came back.’

I was bent downward, but my living eyes Could not attain the bottom, for the dark; Wherefore I: 'Master, see that thou arrive At the next round, and let us descend the wall; For as from hence I hear and understand not, So I look down and nothing I distinguish.' 'Don't talk,' he said, 'for a while, Seriously.  You fill the air with noise And not the type of madness that I love.'

Wherefore I said: 'Master, these torments here, Will they increase after the mighty sentence, Or lesser be, or will they be as burning?' And he to me: 'Man do I look like a prohpet? Whatever is gonig to happen is going to happen, And I have no way of knowing which is which. These folks are trapped here forever They can't get into heaven, so who cares? It's harsh, but that's how the chips fall.'

'Pape Satan, Pape Satan, Aleppe!' Thus Plutus with his clucking voice began; And that benignant Sage, who all things knew, Said, to encourage me: 'Don't wig out, We are too macho for this jive turkey, He can't stop us entering the danger zone.' Then he turned round unto that bloated lip, And said: 'Shut up you freakshow; Why not eat yourself for a change? We got a divine purpose, higher than Nachos; The big man upstairs sent us so beat it, We're soaring eagles, you are a slithering snake.'

Dante’s Inferno featuring Randy Savage, below the break.

I N F E R N O N E W  G A M E  P L U S >By Dante Alighieri !CANTO I. Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost. Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say What was this forest savage, rough, and stern, Which in the very thought renews the fear. So bitter is it, death is little more; But of the good to treat, which there I found, Speak will I of the other things I saw there. 10/I cannot well repeat how there I entered, So full was I of slumber at the moment In which I had abandoned the true way. But after I had reached a mountain's foot, At that point where the valley terminated, Which had with consternation pierced my heart, Upward I looked, and I beheld its shoulders, Vested already with that planet's rays Which leadeth others right by every road. Then was the fear a little quieted 20/That in my heart's lake had endured throughout The night, which I had passed so piteously. And even as he, who, with distressful breath, Forth issued from the sea upon the shore, Turns to the water perilous and gazes; So did my soul, that still was fleeing onward, Turn itself back to re-behold the pass Which never yet a living person left. After my weary body I had rested, The way resumed I on the desert slope, 30/So that the firm foot ever was the lower. And lo! almost where the ascent began, A panther light and swift exceedingly, Which with a spotted skin was covered o'er! And never moved she from before my face, Nay, rather did impede so much my way, That many times I to return had turned. The time was the beginning of the morning, And up the sun was mounting with those stars That with him were, what time the Love Divine 40/At first in motion set those beauteous things; So were to me occasion of good hope, The variegated skin of that wild beast, The hour of time, and the delicious season; But not so much, that did not give me fear A lion's aspect which appeared to me. He seemed as if against me he were coming With head uplifted, and with ravenous hunger, So that it seemed the air was afraid of him; And a she-wolf, that with all hungerings 50/Seemed to be laden in her meagreness, And many folk has caused to live forlorn! She brought upon me so much heaviness, With the affright that from her aspect came, That I the hope relinquished of the height. And as he is who willingly acquires, And the time comes that causes him to lose, Who weeps in all his thoughts and is despondent, E'en such made me that beast withouten peace, Which, coming on against me by degrees 60/Thrust me back thither where the sun is silent. While I was rushing downward to the lowland, Before mine eyes did one present himself, Who seemed from long-continued silence hoarse. When I beheld him in the desert vast, 'Have pity on me,' unto him I cried, 'Whiche'er thou art, or shade or real man!' He answered me: A man;  a macho man I am, And both my parents were of Ohio, And American by country both of them. 70/'Randy Poffo' was I born, though it was late, And lived at Columbus under the good Eisenhower, During the time of the war in Vietnam. An athlete was I, and I batted in the minors those red birds of Saint Louis, Cardinals, Before the Macho Man took to combat. But brother, why are you going back to such annoyance? Why aren't you heading up to heaven instead, Where all the good people always go?' 'Now, art thou that Macho Man and that fighter 80/To whom there is no limit but the sky?' I made response to him with bashful forehead. 'O, of the other wrestlers honour and light, Avail me the long study and great love That have impelled me to explore thy technique! Thou art my master, and my author thou, Thou art alone the one from whom I took The beautiful style that has done honour to me. Behold the beast, for which I have turned back; Do thou protect me from her, famous Sage, 90/For she doth make my veins and pulses tremble.' 'You should head to somewhere less grody,' Responded he, when he beheld me weeping, 'Unlike me, you cannot afford to look ridiculous; Because this beast, at which you are raging, Doesn't ever let anybody past her, She'll mess you up something wicked; She, like me, is a tower of power She is funky like a monkey and hungry too, And after food is hungrier than before. 100/Let me tell you something buddy, She may be strong but compared to her I'm stronger! She better watch out because I'm coming for her. You cannot hide or run from the Nacho Man, My arm is long and my eyes see into space; There is no nation that is not the Nacho Nation; Of all the world I am the savior, Pedal to the metal!  Everybody knows it! Oh yeah, let me tell you what I'll do; Through every city shall I will hunt her down, 110/Until I have driven her back to Hell, Where some weaksauce demon let her loose. I know what's best and what is MACHO! Follow me buddy, and I will be your guide, We're going to have a real adventure. You're going to see some pretty gnarly stuff Some ancient ghosts and boogums that go woo, Maybe you'll be sad if you're a wuss; You'll also see some pretty happy folks They're happy mostly because I visit them, 120/Everybody treasures a visit from the Nacho; If you want to go to heaven afterwords, To meet your ladyfriend or whatever; That's where we'll part ways I guess; Because that rightious dude who rules heaven, Has tasked me with bringing macho madness To those less fortunate, so I remain. Heaven is the most macho city of all; And until all are macho I must wait; This is my holy task, a righteous one.' 130/And I to him: 'Sir, I thee entreat, By that same God whom thou didst never know, So that I may escape this woe and worse, Thou wouldst conduct me there where thou hast said, That I may see the portal of Saint Peter, And those thou makest so disconsolate.' Then he moved on, and I behind him followed. !CANTO II. Day was departing, and the embrowned air Released the animals that are on earth From their fatigues; and I the only one Made myself ready to sustain the war, Both of the way and likewise of the woe, Which memory that errs not shall retrace. O Muses, O high genius, now assist me! O memory, that didst write down what I saw, Here thy nobility shall be manifest! 10/And I began: 'Poet, who guidest me, Regard my manhood, if it be sufficient, Ere to the arduous pass thou dost confide me. Thou sayest, that of Silvius the parent, While yet corruptible, unto the world Immortal went, and was there bodily. But if the adversary of all evil Was courteous, thinking of the high effect That issue would from him, and who, and what, To men of intellect unmeet it seems not; 20/For he was of great Rome, and of her empire In the empyreal heaven as father chosen; The which and what, wishing to speak the truth, Were stablished as the holy place, wherein Sits the successor of the greatest Peter. Upon this journey, whence thou givest him vaunt, Things did he hear, which the occasion were Both of his victory and the papal mantle. Thither went afterwards the Chosen Vessel, To bring back comfort thence unto that Faith, 30/Which of salvation's way is the beginning. But I, why thither come, or who concedes it? I not Aeneas am, I am not Paul, Nor I, nor others, think me worthy of it. Therefore, if I resign myself to come, I fear the coming may be ill-advised; Thou'rt wise, and knowest better than I speak.' And as he is, who unwills what he willed, And by new thoughts doth his intention change, So that from his design he quite withdraws, 40/Such I became, upon that dark hillside, Because, in thinking, I consumed the emprise, Which was so very prompt in the beginning. 'If the Macho Man catches your drift,' Replied that shade of the Champion, 'You're a giant coward baby whiner, And your lameness drags you down awful fierce, It makes you shake like a sad puppydog, Like some sort of weird lame animal thing. Nevertheless stick with the Macho Man 50/And I'll tell you why I'm here right now And why a champ like me would help you. I was pumping iron at the gym one day, When a hot lady ghost came up to me I cannot refuse a pretty lady. She had these killer eyes like wow; And her voice really revved my engine, Here's the madness that she spoke: 'O spirit courteous of Mantua, Of whom the fame still in the world endures, 60/And shall endure, long-lasting as the world; A friend of mine, and not the friend of fortune, Upon the desert slope is so impeded Upon his way, that he has turned through terror, And may, I fear, already be so lost, That I too late have risen to his succour, From that which I have heard of him in Heaven. Bestir thee now, and with thy speech ornate, And with what needful is for his release, Assist him so, that I may be consoled. 70/Beatrice am I, who do bid thee go; I come from there, where I would fain return; Love moved me, which compelleth me to speak. When I shall be in presence of my Lord, Full often will I praise thee unto him.' Then paused she, and thereafter I began: Beatrice, you're super hot I cannot resist. I'll do whatever you say. Nobody else in heaven is as rad as you. I'll happily do whatever you want 80/It's a pleasure to please a lady like you Consider your every desire fulfilled But could you do the Macho one favor It's a lot of work you've asked me to do, So if you could snap into a Slim Jim that'd be rad.' 'Since thou wouldst fain so inwardly discern, Briefly will I relate,' she answered me, 'Why I am not afraid to enter here. Of those things only should one be afraid Which have the power of doing others harm; 90/Of the rest, no; because they are not fearful. God in his mercy such created me That misery of yours attains me not, Nor any flame assails me of this burning. A gentle Lady is in Heaven, who grieves At this impediment, to which I send thee, So that stern judgment there above is broken. In her entreaty she besought Lucia, And said, 'Thy faithful one now stands in need Of thee, and unto thee I recommend him.' 100/Lucia, foe of all that cruel is, Hastened away, and came unto the place Where I was sitting with the ancient Rachel. 'Beatrice' said she, 'the true praise of God, Why succourest thou not him, who loved thee so, For thee he issued from the vulgar herd? Dost thou not hear the pity of his plaint? Dost thou not see the death that combats him Beside that flood, where ocean has no vaunt?' Never were persons in the world so swift 110/To work their weal and to escape their woe, As I, after such words as these were uttered, Came hither downward from my blessed seat, Confiding in thy dignified discourse, Which honours thee, and those who've listened to it.' After she said all that stuff, She was crying, my pecs left her in awe; So I left before I could further blow her mind; And so I found you like she wanted; I totally rocked that wild monster, 120/That was blocking your climb up the mountain. So why is it you're being so lame? What is holding back your Macho Spirit? Why aren't you as cool as I am? Given that three hot chicks are waiting They're in Heaven right now watching the clock, You can trust my word on that my friend.' Even as the flowerets, by nocturnal chill, Bowed down and closed, when the sun whitens them, Uplift themselves all open on their stems; 130/Such I became with my exhausted strength, And such good courage to my heart there coursed, That I began, like an intrepid person: 'O she compassionate, who succoured me, And courteous thou, who hast obeyed so soon The words of truth which she addressed to thee! Thou hast my heart so with desire disposed To the adventure, with these words of thine, That to my first intent I have returned. Now go, for one sole will is in us both, 140/Thou Leader, and thou Lord, and Master thou.' Thus said I to him; and when he had moved, I entered on the deep and savage way. !CANTO III. Through me the way is to the city dolent; Through me the way is to eternal dole; Through me the way among the people lost. Justice incited my sublime Creator; Created me divine Omnipotence, The highest Wisdom and the primal Love. Before me there were no created things, Only eterne, and I eternal last. All hope abandon, ye who enter in!' 10/These words in sombre colour I beheld Written upon the summit of a gate; Whence I: 'Their sense is, Master, hard to me!' And he to me, as one experienced: 'Just don't be suspicious, lil' macho, If you're scared then you'll never make it. We're coming up to a lame-ass place Full of bummed-out sad people Who honestly are not the smartest.' And after he had laid his hand on mine 20/With joyful mien, whence I was comforted, He led me in among the secret things. There sighs, complaints, and ululations loud Resounded through the air without a star, Whence I, at the beginning, wept thereat. Languages diverse, horrible dialects, Accents of anger, words of agony, And voices high and hoarse, with sound of hands, Made up a tumult that goes whirling on For ever in that air for ever black, 30/Even as the sand doth, when the whirlwind breathes. And I, who had my head with horror bound, Said:'Master, what is this which now I hear? What folk is this, which seems by pain so vanquished?' And he to me: 'The way they whine And complain about being in pain Teminds them that they're in pain.  It's weird. They're basically just Angels who were selfish I dunno, they didn't go for God or Satan Mostly they just cared about themselves. 40/They got kicked out of heaven But Hell sure as hell won't take them, So really they're like angel hobos.' And I: 'O Master, what so grievous is To these, that maketh them lament so sore?' He answered: 'Alright, well in a nutshell. They can't evr hope to die, Their life as is ain't funky enough, So they just envy everybody else. They have no reputation at all; 50/Good folks and bad both hate them. So gawk if you want, but lets keep rolling.' And I, who looked again, beheld a banner, Which, whirling round, ran on so rapidly, That of all pause it seemed to me indignant; And after it there came so long a train Of people, that I ne'er would have believed That ever Death so many had undone. When some among them I had recognised. I looked, and I beheld the shade of him 60/Who made through cowardice the great refusal. Forthwith I comprehended, and was certain, That this the sect was of the caitiff wretches Hateful to God and to his enemies. These miscreants, who never were alive, Were naked, and were stung exceedingly By gadflies and by hornets that were there. These did their faces irrigate with blood, Which, with their tears commingled, at their feet By the disgusting worms was gathered up. 70/And when to gazing farther I betook me. People I saw on a great river's bank; Whence said I: ' Master, now vouchsafe to me, That I may know who these are, and what law Makes them appear so ready to pass over, As I discern athwart the dusky light.' And he to me: 'Jesus Christ dude You ask so many, TOO many questions Once we get to the river you'll see.' Then with mine eyes ashamed and downward cast, 80/Fearing my words might irksome be to him, From speech refrained I till we reached the river. And lo! towards us coming in a boat An old man, hoary with the hair of eld, Crying: ' Woe unto you, ye souls depraved Hope nevermore to look upon the heavens; I come to lead you to the other shore, To the eternal shades in heat and frost. And thou, that yonder standest, living soul, Withdraw thee from these people, who are dead- 90/But when he saw that I did not withdraw, He said:'By other ways, by other ports Thou to the shore shalt come, not here, for,passage; A lighter vessel needs must carry thee.' And unto him the Guide:'Vex thee not, Charon; It is so willed there where is power to do That which is willed; and farther question not.' There at were quieted the fleecy cheeks Of him the ferryman of the livid fen, Who round about his eyes had wheels of flame. 100/But all those souls who weary were and naked Their colour changed and gnashed their teeth together, As soon as they had heard those cruel words. God they blasphemed and their progenitors, The human race, the place, the time, the seed Of their engendering and of their birth! Thereafter all together they drew back, Bitterly weeping, to the accursed shore, Which waiteth every man who fears not God. Charon the demon, with the eyes of glede, 110/Beckoning to them, collects them all together, Beats with his oar whoever lags behind. As in the autumn-time the leaves fall off, First one and then another, till the branch Unto the earth surrenders all its spoils; In similar wise the evil seed of Adam Throw themselves from that margin one by one, At signals, as a bird unto its lure. So they depart across the dusky wave, And ere upon the other side they land, 120/Again on this side a new troop assembles. 'My son,'the courteous Master said to me, 'All those who perish in the wrath of God Here meet together out of every land; And ready are they to pass o'er the river, Because celestial Justice spurs them on, So that their fear is turned into desire. This way there never passes a good soul; And hence if Charon doth complain of thee Well mayst thou know now what his speech imports.' 130/This being finished, all the dusk champaign Trembled so violently, that of that terror The recollection bathes me still with sweat. The land of tears gave forth a blast of wind, And fulminated a vermilion light, 'Which overmastered in me every sense, And as a man whom sleep hath seized I fell. !CANTO IV. Broke the deep lethargy within my head A heavy thunder, so that I upstarted, Like to a person who by force is wakened; And round about I moved my rested eyes, Uprisen erect, and steadfastly I gazed, To recognise the place wherein I was. True is it, that upon the verge I found me Of the abysmal valley dolorous, That gathers thunder of infinite ululations. 10/Obscure, profound it was, and nebulous, So that by fixing on its depths my sight Nothing whatever I discerned therein. 'We're in space, and space is the place,' Began the Champ, pallid utterly; 'The madness is running wild, and so shall you.' And I, who of his colour was aware, Said: 'How shall I come, if thou art afraid, Who'rt wont to be a comfort to my fears?' And he to me: 'Let me tell you now a man 20/of my position can afford to look ridiculous at any time. Now let's go, follow the Nacho Man.' Thus he went in, and thus he made me enter The foremost circle that surrounds the abyss. There, as it seemed to me from listening, Were lamentations none, but only sighs, That tremble made the everlasting air. And this arose from sorrow without torment, Which the crowds had, that many were and great, 30/Of infants and of women and of men. To me the Master good: 'Why don't you ask Who these dead dudes you're looking at are? Let me tell you about these chumps, They didn't do anything really wrong, But they could not snap into a Slim Jim Because the Slim Jim had not yet been discovered; And if they were before Sim Jims, In the right manner they adored not jerkey; They never knew the breakfast of champions. 40/As a result, they can't go to heaven, I am here as well, mostly to mock them For I did not share my Slim Jims.' Great grief seized on my heart when this I heard, Because some people of much worthiness I knew, who in that Limbo were suspended. 'Tell me, my Master, tell me, thou my Lord,' Began I, with desire of being certain Of that Faith which o'ercometh every error, 'Came any one by his own merit hence, 50/Or by another's, who was blessed thereafter?' And he, who understood my covert speech, Replied: 'When I first got here, When from the sky a long-haired dude appeared, Almost as glorious as the Nacho Man himself. He grabbed some Bible dudes, I  think they were Abe and Abel and Noah's Ark but not Noah, I think Moses was there too?  It was rad. There were a bunch of others but honestly I can't be bothered to remember right now 60/It really isn't important Past, present, future, It's the best there is. Ohhhh yeah. And then that guy left and never came back.’ We ceased not to advance because he spake, But still were passing onward through the forest, The forest, say I, of thick-crowded ghosts. Not very far as yet our way had gone This side the summit, when I saw a fire That overcame a hemisphere of darkness. 70/We were a little distant from it still, But not so far that I in part discerned not That honourable people held that place. 'O thou who honourest every art and science, Who may these be, which such great honour have, That from the fashion of the rest it parts them?' And he to me: 'The honourable name, That sounds of them above there in thy life, Wins grace in Heaven, that so advances them.' In the mean time a voice was heard by me: 80/'All honour be to the pre-eminent Poet; His shade returns again, that was departed.' After the voice had ceased and quiet was, Four mighty shades I saw approaching us; Semblance had they nor sorrowful nor glad. To say to me began my gracious Champion: 'This is a Dude named Dante, and you know me, The one for whom the sky is the limit. That one is Andre, Wrestler sovereign; Next to him is Bubba Rogers, the satirist; 90/The third is Roddy, and the last is Albano. I knew these guys when I was alive We fought and laughed and ate delicious nachos, And now we chill for all eternity' Thus I beheld assemble the fair school Of that lord of the song pre-eminent, Who o'er the others like an eagle soars. When they together had discoursed somewhat, They turned to me with signs of salutation, And on beholding this, my Master smiled; 100/And more of honour still, much more, they did me, In that they made me one of their own band; So that the sixth was I, 'mid so much wit. Thus we went on as far as to the light, Things saying 'tis becoming to keep silent, As was the saying of them where I was. We came unto a noble castle's foot, Seven times encompassed with lofty walls, Defended round by a fair rivulet; This we passed over even as firm ground; 110/Through portals seven I entered with these Sages; We came into a meadow of fresh verdure. People were there with solemn eyes and slow, Of great authority in their countenance; They spake but seldom, and with gentle voices. Thus we withdrew ourselves upon one side Into an opening luminous and lofty, So that they all of them were visible. There opposite, upon the green enamel, Were pointed out to me the mighty spirits, 120/Whom to have seen I feel myself exalted. I saw Sid Vicious with companions many, 'Mongst whom I knew both Nash and Wright, Rodman in armour with gerfalcon eyes; I saw Miss Madness and Madusa On the other side, and saw Bret Hart, Who with Pillman his buddy sat; I saw that The Butcher who drove Sting forth, And many others who I did not know, And saw alone, apart, The Repo Man. 130/When I had lifted up my brows a little, The Master I beheld of those who know, Sit with his slamtastic family. All gaze upon him, and all do him honour. There I beheld both Doink and Crush, Who nearer him before the others stand; Diesel, who puts the world on chance, Bart Gunn, Shawn Michaels, and Lex Luger, Razor Ramon, Mr. Perfect, and Albano; Of qualities I saw the good collector, 140/The Valiant Brothers; and Steele saw I, Bobo Brazil and Ladd, and The Famous Moolah, Snuka, Arnold Skaaland, and Rodz, Kowalski, Patterson, and Morales, Gorilla Monsoon, who the worst announcer made. I cannot all of them pourtray in full, Because so drives me onward the long theme, That many times the word comes short of fact. The sixfold company in two divides; Another way my sapient Guide conducts me 150/Forth from the quiet to the air that trembles; And to a place I come where nothing shines. !CANTO V. Thus I descended out of the first circle Down to the second, that less space begirds, And so much greater dole, that goads to wailing. There standeth Minos horribly, and snarls; Examines the transgressions at the entrance; Judges, and sends according as he girds him. I say, that when the spirit evil-born Cometh before him, wholly it confesses; And this discriminator of transgressions 10/Seeth what place in Hell is meet for it; Girds himself with his tail as many times As grades he wishes it should be thrust down. Always before him many of them stand; They go by turns each one unto the judgment; They speak, and hear, and then are downward hurled. 'O thou, that to this dolorous hostelry Comest,' said Minos to me, when he saw me, Leaving the practice of so great an office, 'Look how thou enterest, and in whom thou trustest; 20/Let not the portal's amplitude deceive thee.' And unto him my Guide: 'Why criest thou too? Do not impede his journey fate-ordained; It is so willed there where is power to do That which is willed; and ask no further question.' And now begin the dolesome notes to grow Audible unto me; now am I come There where much lamentation strikes upon me. I came into a place mute of all light, Which bellows as the sea does in a tempest, 30/If by opposing winds 't is combated. The infernal hurricane that never rests Hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine; Whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. When they arrive before the precipice, There are the shrieks, the plaints, and the laments, There they blaspheme the puissance divine. I understood that unto such a torment The carnal malefactors were condemned, Who reason subjugate to appetite. 40/And as the wings of starlings bear them on In the cold season in large band and full, So doth that blast the spirits maledict; It hither, thither, downward, upward, drives them; No hope doth comfort them for evermore, Not of repose, but even of lesser pain. And as the cranes go chanting forth their lays, Making in air a long line of themselves, So saw I coming, uttering lamentations, Shadows borne onward by the aforesaid stress. 50/Whereupon said I: 'Master, who are those People, whom the black air so castigates?' 'Eh, you wouldn't know them really, They were not macho or rad,' then said he unto me, 'That lady was a real piece of work. She liked the men if you know what I mean She made all sex legal all the time, That way she could have all she liked. Her name is Semiramis, of Assyria And I'd like to _Syria_ her _Ass_ one day; 60/She was married to Ninus, a macho fellow. Over there is one you may know, She's hardcore, strapped asps to her tits; aka Cleopatra the voluptuous.' Helen I saw, for whom so many ruthless Seasons revolved; and saw the great Achilles, Who at the last hour combated with Love. Paris I saw, Tristan; and more than a thousand Shades did he name and point out with his finger, Whom Love had separated from our life. 70/After that I had listened to my Teacher, Naming the dames of eld and cavaliers, Pity prevailed, and I was nigh bewildered. And I began: 'O Poet, willingly Speak would I to those two, who go together, And seem upon the wind to be so light.' And, he to me: 'Cool your jets bro You can speak to them soon enough, soon enough They'll come to us looking for love.' Soon as the wind in our direction sways them, 80/My voice uplift I: 'O ye weary souls! Come speak to us, if no one interdicts it.' As turtle-doves, called onward by desire, With open and steady wings to the sweet nest Fly through the air by their volition borne, So came they from the band where Dido is, Approaching us athwart the air malign, So strong was the affectionate appeal. 'O living creature gracious and benignant, Who visiting goest through the purple air 90/Us, who have stained the world incarnadine, If were the King of the Universe our friend, We would pray unto him to give thee peace, Since thou hast pity on our woe perverse. Of what it pleases thee to hear and speak, That will we hear, and we will speak to you, While silent is the wind, as it is now. Sitteth the city, wherein I was born, Upon the sea-shore where the Po descends To rest in peace with all his retinue. 100/Love, that on gentle heart doth swiftly seize, Seized this man for the person beautiful That was ta'en from me, and still the mode offends me. Love, that exempts no one beloved from loving, Seized me with pleasure of this man so strongly, That, as thou seest, it doth not yet desert me; Love has conducted us unto one death; Caina waiteth him who quenched our life!' These words were borne along from them to us. As soon as I had heard those souls tormented, 110/I bowed my face, and so long held it down Until the Poet said to me: 'Whaddaya think?' When I made answer, I began: 'Alas! How many pleasant thoughts, how much desire, Conducted these unto the dolorous pass!' Then unto them I turned me, and I spake, And I began: 'Thine agonies, Francesca, Sad and compassionate to weeping make me. But tell me, at the time of those sweet sighs, By what and in what manner Love conceded, 120/That you should know your dubious desires?' And she to me: 'There is no greater sorrow Than to be mindful of the happy time In misery, and that thy Teacher knows. But, if to recognise the earliest root Of love in us thou hast so great desire, I will do even as he who weeps and speaks. One day we reading were for our delight Of Launcelot, how Love did him enthral. Alone we were and without any fear. 130/Full many a time our eyes together drew That reading, and drove the colour from our faces; But one point only was it that o'ercame us. When as we read of the much-longed-for smile Being by such a noble lover kissed, This one, who ne'er from me shall be divided, Kissed me upon the mouth all palpitating. Galeotto was the book and he who wrote it. That day no farther did we read therein.' And all the while one spirit uttered this, 140/The other one did weep so, that, for pity, I swooned away as if I had been dying, And fell, even as a dead body falls. !CANTO VI. At the return of consciousness, that closed Before the pity of those two relations, Which utterly with sadness had confused me, New torments I behold, and new tormented Around me, whichsoever way I move, And whichsoever way I turn, and gaze. In the third circle am I of the rain Eternal, maledict, and cold, and heavy; Its law and quality are never new. 10/Huge hail, and water sombre-hued, and snow, Athwart the tenebrous air pour down amain; Noisome the earth is, that receiveth this. Cerberus, monster cruel and uncouth, With his three gullets like a dog is barking Over the people that are there submerged. Red eyes he has, and unctuous beard and black, And belly large, and armed with claws his hands; He rends the spirits, flays, and quarters them. Howl the rain maketh them like unto dogs; 20/One side they make a shelter for the other; Oft turn themselves the wretched reprobates. When Cerberus perceived us, the great worm! His mouths he opened, and displayed his tusks; Not a limb had he that was motionless. And my Conductor, with his spans extended, Took of the earth, and with his fists well filled, He threw it into those rapacious gullets. Such as that dog is, who by barking craves, And quiet grows soon as his food he gnaws, 30/For to devour it he but thinks and struggles, The like became those muzzles filth-begrimed Of Cerberus the demon, who so thunders Over the souls that they would fain be deaf. We passed across the shadows, which subdues The heavy rain-storm, and we placed our feet Upon their vanity that person seems. They all were lying prone upon the earth, Excepting one, who sat upright as soon As he beheld us passing on before him. 40/'O thou that art conducted through this Hell,' He said to me, 'recall me, if thou canst; Thyself wast made before I was unmade.' And I to him: 'The anguish which thou hast Perhaps doth draw thee out of my remembrance, So that it seems not I have ever seen thee. But tell me who thou art, that in so doleful A place art put, and in such punishment, If some are greater, none is so displeasing.' And he to me: 'Thy city, which is full 50/Of envy so that now the sack runs over, Held me within it in the life serene. You citizens were wont to call me Ciacco; For the pernicious sin of gluttony I, as thou seest, am battered by this rain. And I, sad soul, am not the only one, For all these suffer the like penalty For the like sin;' and word no more spake he. I answered him: 'Ciacco, thy wretchedness Weighs on me so that it to weep invites me; 60/But tell me, if thou knowest, to what shall come The citizens of the divided city; If any there be just; and the occasion Tell me why so much discord has assailed it.' And he to me: 'They, after long contention, Will come to bloodshed; and the rustic party Will drive the other out with much offence. Then afterwards behoves it this one fall Within three suns, and rise again the other By force of him who now is on the coast. 70/High will it hold its forehead a long while, Keeping the other under heavy burdens, Howe'er it weeps thereat and is indignant. The just are two, and are not understood there; Envy and Arrogance and Avarice Are the three sparks that have all hearts enkindled.' Here ended he his tearful utterance; And I to him: 'I wish thee still to teach me, And make a gift to me of further speech. Farinata and Tegghiaio, once so worthy, 80/Jacopo Rusticucci, Arrigo, and Mosca, And others who on good deeds set their thoughts, Say where they are, and cause that I may know them; For great desire constraineth me to learn If Heaven doth sweeten them, or Hell envenom.' And he: 'They are among the blacker souls; A different sin downweighs them to the bottom; If thou so far descendest, thou canst see them. But when thou art again in the sweet world, I pray thee to the mind of others bring me; 90/No more I tell thee and no more I answer.' Then his straightforward eyes he turned askance, Eyed me a little, and then bowed his head; He fell therewith prone like the other blind. And the Guide said to me: 'He ain't getting up, Though apparently the bible says something about the end of days, so maybe then, I was never really much of a scholar, but I think it mentioned the dead rising, Or maybe that was just in Ghostbusters.' 100/So we passed onward o'er the filthy mixture Of shadows and of rain with footsteps slow, Touching a little on the future life. Wherefore I said: 'Master, these torments here, Will they increase after the mighty sentence, Or lesser be, or will they be as burning?' And he to me: 'Man do I look like a prohpet? Whatever is gonig to happen is going to happen, And I have no way of knowing which is which. These folks are trapped here forever 110/They can't get into heaven, so who cares? It's harsh, but that's how the chips fall.' Round in a circle by that road we went, Speaking much more, which I do not repeat; We came unto the point where the descent is; There we found Plutus the great enemy. !CANTO VII. 'Pape Satan, Pape Satan, Aleppe!' Thus Plutus with his clucking voice began; And that benignant Sage, who all things knew, Said, to encourage me: 'Don't wig out, We are too macho for this jive turkey, He can't stop us entering the danger zone.' Then he turned round unto that bloated lip, And said: 'Shut up you freakshow; Why not eat yourself for a change? 10/We got a divine purpose, higher than Nachos; The big man upstairs sent us so beat it, We're soaring eagles, you are a slithering snake.' Even as the sails inflated by the wind Involved together fall when snaps the mast, So fell the cruel monster to the earth. Thus we descended into the fourth chasm, Gaining still farther on the dolesome shore Which all the woe of the universe insacks. Justice of God, ah! who heaps up so many 20/New toils and sufferings as I beheld? And why doth our transgression waste us so? As doth the billow there upon Charybdis, That breaks itself on that which it encounters, So here the folk must dance their roundelay. Here saw I people, more than elsewhere, many, On one side and the other, with great howls, Rolling weights forward by main force of chest. They clashed together, and then at that point Each one turned backward, rolling retrograde, 30/Crying, 'Why keepest?' and, 'Why squanderest thou?' Thus they returned along the lurid circle On either hand unto the opposite point, Shouting their shameful metre evermore. Then each, when he arrived there, wheeled about Through his half-circle to another joust; And I, who had my heart pierced as it were, Exclaimed: 'My Master, now declare to me What people these are, and if all were clerks, These shaven crowns upon the left of us.' 40/And he to me: 'I'll be frank with you dog, These were the dudes who loved money And let's be clear, I love money too. But these guys loved money too much, And like, not so much in a kinky way either, But instead they would hurt people to get money. You might see some churchy folks here Maybe even a pope or two, and learn: Even a priest can be a huge dick.' And I: 'My Master, among such as these 50/I ought forsooth to recognise some few, Who were infected with these maladies.' And he to me: 'I dunno man, it's sort of dark; And their dim view of compassion while alive Makes their forms sort of blurry.  It's weird. So now they're stuck here forever; Or until Electronic Arts publishes Dante's Inferno And they get some cameos in World 4. I really have no sympathy, neither should you, They took from others so now their souls are taken; 60/There's not much else to say on that matter. Let me ask you a question buddy, What do you do with your money? Your wealth? Are you stingy with it, or do you help others? Just remember these guys, or maybe Jacob Marley, Yeah that's right, I know some Dickens Even literature can be Macho at times.' 'Master,' I said to him, 'now tell me also What is this Fortune which thou speakest of, That has the world's goods so within its clutches?' 70/And he to me: 'Look idiot, Are you not listening or just being dense? Let me tell you from the beginning, then. God made everything, obviously, He made the sky, and the sun, and the stars, He made the Macho Man and tasty Nachos, And distributed these Nachos to all creation; Like a generous dude at a soup kitchen Where instead of soup they serve Nachos, But then people wanted MORE NACHOS, 80/And would fight over their cheesy goodness, Warm globes dripping from chips. So people would fight wars over these things And that is greed, my macho-in-training, I was trying to be poetical, it's a metaphor. And you can't fight greed, because it's nature; Greed controls the government and church Money is what drives corruption. But hey, this is super depressing; Did you like films by a guy named Herzog? 90/I just the other day watched one. I'm not one in general for art flicks, They're just not my speed, but let me say, I learned an astounding amount about rubber. Also, are you hot?  It's pretty hot; I get that this is part of the eternal torment thing But you'd think that greed's domain would be cooler. Like, coins are made of metal, and cool to touch; But now I'm rambling, let us press forward I... I just was getting a little bored.' 100/We crossed the circle to the other bank, Near to a fount that boils, and pours itself Along a gully that runs out of it. The water was more sombre far than perse; And we, in company with the dusky waves, Made entrance downward by a path uncouth. A marsh it makes, which has the name of Styx, This tristful brooklet, when it has descended Down to the foot of the malign gray shores. And I, who stood intent upon beholding, 110/Saw people mud-besprent in that lagoon, All of them naked and with angry look. They smote each other not alone with hands, But with the head and with the breast and feet, Tearing each other piecemeal with their teeth. Said the good Master: 'What you're looking at Is those folks who were consumed with anger; REAL anger, not like we pretend in the ring Their anger is so blazing hot that even now It makes the very water down there bubble. 120/They writhe and spin and boil themselves. In this jacuzzi, they whine about their lot They can't take the heat, and unfortunately, They are not allowed to get out of the kitchen; So they sing a sad song. I don't know all the words, but it boils down to, 'Boy it's hot and we are sad, so sad, so sad.'' Thus we went circling round the filthy fen A great arc 'twixt the dry bank and the swamp, With eyes turned unto those who gorge the mire; 130/Unto the foot of a tower we came at last. !CANTO VIII. I say, continuing, that long before We to the foot of that high tower had come, Our eyes went upward to the summit of it, By reason of two flamelets we saw placed there, And from afar another answer them, So far, that hardly could the eye attain it. And, to the sea of all discernment turned, I said: 'What sayeth this, and what respondeth That other fire? and who are they that made it?' 10/And he to me: 'If you look out over the waves I figure you'll see what's going on If the view is clear, in any case.' Cord never shot an arrow from itself That sped away athwart the air so swift, As I beheld a very little boat Come o'er the water tow'rds us at that moment, Under the guidance of a single pilot, Who shouted, 'Now art thou arrived, fell soul?' 'Phlegyas, Phlegyas, thou criest out in vain 20/For this once,' said my Lord; 'thou shalt not have us Longer than in the passing of the slough.' As he who listens to some great deceit That has been done to him, and then resents it, Such became Phlegyas, in his gathered wrath. My Guide descended down into the boat, And then he made me enter after him, And only when I entered seemed it laden. Soon as the Guide and I were in the boat, The antique prow goes on its way, dividing 30/More of the water than 'tis wont with others. While we were running through the dead canal, Uprose in front of me one full of mire, And said, 'Who 'rt thou that comest ere the hour?' And I to him: 'Although I come, I stay not; But who art thou that hast become so squalid?' 'Thou seest that I am one who weeps,' he answered. And I to him: 'With weeping and with wailing, Thou spirit maledict, do thou remain; For thee I know, though thou art all defiled.' 40/Then stretched he both his hands unto the boat; Whereat my wary Master thrust him back, Saying, 'You stay in your place or I will end you.' Thereafter with his arms he clasped my neck; He kissed my face, and said: 'Disdainful soul, Blessed be she who bore thee in her bosom. That was an arrogant person in the world; Goodness is none, that decks his memory; So likewise here his shade is furious. How many are esteemed great kings up there, 50/Who here shall be like unto swine in mire, Leaving behind them horrible dispraises!' And I: 'My Master, much should I be pleased, If I could see him soused into this broth, Before we issue forth out of the lake.' And he to me: 'Just be patient man, We'll get there soon enough, you're like a child; Asking 'are we there yet' from the backseat.' A little after that, I saw such havoc Made of him by the people of the mire, 60/That still I praise and thank my God for it. They all were shouting, 'At Philippo Argenti!' And that exasperate spirit Florentine Turned round upon himself with his own teeth. We left him there, and more of him I tell not; But on mine ears there smote a lamentation, Whence forward I intent unbar mine eyes. And the good Master said: 'See that place? Dis city here is called Dis, get me? The people who live there are not macho.' 70/And I: 'Its mosques already, Master, clearly Within there in the valley I discern Vermilion, as if issuing from the fire They were.'  And he to me: 'You're in Hell, And given that Hell is both full of and on fire, That red stuff you see is... fire, idiot.' Then we arrived within the moats profound, That circumvallate that disconsolate city; The walls appeared to me to be of iron. Not without making first a circuit wide, 80/We came unto a place where loud the pilot Cried out to us, 'Debark, here is the entrance.' More than a thousand at the gates I saw Out of the Heavens rained down, who angrily Were saying, 'Who is this that without death Goes through the kingdom of the people dead?' And my sagacious Master made a sign Of wishing secretly to speak with them. A little then they quelled their great disdain, And said: 'Come thou alone, and he begone 90/Who has so boldly entered these dominions. Let him return alone by his mad road; Try, if he can; for thou shalt here remain, Who hast escorted him through such dark regions.' Think, Reader, if I was discomforted At utterance of the accursed words; For never to return here I believed. 'O my dear Guide, who more than seven times Hast rendered me security, and drawn me From imminent peril that before me stood, 100/Do not desert me,' said I, 'thus undone; And if the going farther be denied us, Let us retrace our steps together swiftly.' And that Lord, who had led me thitherward, Said unto me: 'Don't worry, I got you. God sent us so they can't refuse us. So just sit tight, watch the Macho Magic, Take a load off those barking dogs; I won't abandon you even if you're annoying.' So onward goes and there abandons me 110/My Father sweet, and I remain in doubt, For No and Yes within my head contend. I could not hear what he proposed to them; But with them there he did not linger long, Ere each within in rivalry ran back. They closed the portals, those our adversaries, On my Lord's breast, who had remained without And turned to me with footsteps far between. His eyes cast down, his forehead shorn had he Of all its boldness, and he said, with sighs, 120/'Who is it that has refused to let us in?' And unto me: 'I'm really angry now, But don't worry, I can still handle this, Their defenses are basically worthless. They're just acting tough, but it's no use; There's more than one way to skin a cat, And more than one way to enter into Dis. Look around for a stick, or maybe a bomb; We're going to knock these walls down, And march over the corpses of these demons, 130/That is how the city shall be opened.' !CANTO IX. That hue which cowardice brought out on me, Beholding my Conductor backward turn, Sooner repressed within him his new colour. He stopped attentive, like a man who listens, Because the eye could not conduct him far Through the black air, and through the heavy fog. 'We probably should win this fight,' Began he; 'or else, uh. . . Let's just not think about that!' 10/Well I perceived, as soon as the beginning He covered up with what came afterward, That they were words quite different from the first; But none the less his saying gave me fear, Because I carried out the broken phrase, Perhaps to a worse meaning than he had. 'Into this bottom of the doleful conch Doth any e'er descend from the first grade, Which for its pain has only hope cut off?' This question put I; and he answered me: 20/'Nobody really comes this way, So honestly it's really hard to say. A while back I was summoned here By some shitty wizard named Eric, Who necromancy'd me against my will. Though I hadn't been dead for very long, He sent me on a bogus quest for nachos, literal nachos, not some catchphrase joke; Down there into the lowest circle of all, The furthest from heaven you can get. 30/Anyway, that's where we're going. The swamp that we're in now, Is entirely surrounding the city, Remember, the one we can't get into.' And more he said, but not in mind I have it; Because mine eye had altogether drawn me Tow'rds the high tower with the red-flaming summit, Where in a moment saw I swift uprisen The three infernal Furies stained with blood, Who had the limbs of women and their mien, 40/And with the greenest hydras were begirt; Small serpents and cerastes were their tresses, Wherewith their horrid temples were entwined. And he who well the handmaids of the Queen Of everlasting lamentation knew, Said unto me: 'Check out those bird-ladies. On the left is one named Ozzy; On the right we have one named Flea; And in the middle Slash;' and then was silent. Each one her breast was rending with her nails; 50/They beat them with their palms, and cried so loud, That I for dread pressed close unto the Poet. 'Medusa come, so we to stone will change him!' All shouted looking down; 'in evil hour Avenged we not on Theseus his assault!' 'Oh yeah, you know about Medusa right? Just close your eyes, bumble around blindly, Because if you see her it's game over, man.' Thus said the Master; and he turned me round Himself, and trusted not unto my hands 60/So far as not to blind me with his own. O ye who have undistempered intellects, Observe the doctrine that conceals itself Beneath the veil of the mysterious verses! And now there came across the turbid waves The clangour of a sound with terror fraught, Because of which both of the margins trembled; Not otherwise it was than of a wind Impetuous on account of adverse heats, That smites the forest, and, without restraint, 70/The branches rends, beats down, and bears away; Right onward, laden with dust, it goes superb, And puts to flight the wild beasts and the shepherds. Mine eyes he loosed, and said: 'Yo, look over there that foamy bit down the river can you see? Over there where it's super smokey.' Even as the frogs before the hostile serpent Across the water scatter all abroad, Until each one is huddled in the earth. More than a thousand ruined souls I saw, 80/Thus fleeing from before one who on foot Was passing o'er the Styx with soles unwet. From off his face he fanned that unctuous air, Waving his left hand oft in front of him, And only with that anguish seemed he weary. Well I perceived one sent from Heaven was he, And to the Master turned; and he made sign That I should quiet stand, and bow before him. Ah! how disdainful he appeared to me! He reached the gate, and with a little rod 90/He opened it, for there was no resistance. 'Hey all you hated people who couldn't get into heaven!' Thus he began upon the horrid threshold; 'What makes you act so arrogant? Don't you know you should be humble, Isn't bad behavior what placed you here? Don't you ever learn that being bad is bad? You know that struggling is pointless right? It's literally impossible to escape from Hell, So why not chill, shoot some hoops or something?' 100/Then he returned along the miry road, And spake no word to us, but had the look Of one whom other care constrains and goads Than that of him who in his presence is; And we our feet directed tow'rds the city, After those holy words all confident. Within we entered without any contest; And I, who inclination had to see What the condition such a fortress holds, Soon as I was within, cast round mine eye, 110/And see on every hand an ample plain, Full of distress and torment terrible. Even as at Arles, where stagnant grows the Rhone, Even as at Pola near to the Quarnaro, That shuts in Italy and bathes its borders, The sepulchres make all the place uneven; So likewise did they there on every side, Saving that there the manner was more bitter; For flames between the sepulchres were scattered, By which they so intensely heated were, 120/That iron more so asks not any art. All of their coverings uplifted were, And from them issued forth such dire laments, Sooth seemed they of the wretched and tormented. And I: 'My Master, what are all those people Who, having sepulture within those tombs, Make themselves audible by doleful sighs?' And he to me: 'Those are the Heresiarchs, And their disciples, dressed in pink. A bunch more are napping in the crypts. 130/A lot of folks here spent their time sleeping; It's awfully hot and it helps to pass the time.' And when he to the right had turned, we passed Between the torments and high parapets. !CANTO X. Now onward goes, along a narrow path Between the torments and the city wall, My Master, and I follow at his back. 'O power supreme, that through these impious circles Turnest me,' I began, 'as pleases thee, Speak to me, and my longings satisfy; The people who are lying in these tombs, Might they be seen? already are uplifted The covers all, and no one keepeth guard.' 10/And he to me: 'Everything will close. Remember the Book of Revelations? The dead are going to rise someday. The seas will churn, and turn to blood Like some heavy metal album cover, There's a dragon too, it's awesome; But as for your question right now, You'll see the answer soon enough, And wish you hadn't asked at all.' And I: 'Good Leader, I but keep concealed 20/From thee my heart, that I may speak the less, Nor only now hast thou thereto disposed me.' 'Buddy, we went through a flaming city. You made it through alive, no mean feat. So chill a bit, and see what is coming up. I can tell by the way that you talk That you and I share a fatherland, and maybe I've razzed you a bit too much.' Upon a sudden issued forth this sound From out one of the tombs; wherefore I pressed, 30/Fearing, a little nearer to my Leader. And unto me he said: 'What are you doing? Look over there at Farinata the zombie; Sticking out from the waist up.' I had already fixed mine eyes on his, And he uprose erect with breast and front E'en as if Hell he had in great despite. And with courageous hands and prompt my Leader Thrust me between the sepulchres towards him, Exclaiming, 'Go talk to him dude!' 40/As soon as I was at the foot of his tomb Somewhat he eyed me, and, as if disdainful, Then asked of me, 'Who were thine ancestors?' I, who desirous of obeying was, Concealed it not, but all revealed to him; Whereat he raised his brows a little upward. Then said he: 'Fiercely adverse have they been To me, and to my fathers, and my party; So that two several times I scattered them.' 'If they were banished, they returned on all sides,' 50/I answered him, 'the first time and the second; But yours have not acquired that art aright.' Then there uprose upon the sight, uncovered Down to the chin, a shadow at his side; I think that he had risen on his knees. Round me he gazed, as if solicitude He had to see if some one else were with me, But after his suspicion was all spent, Weeping, he said to me: 'If through this blind Prison thou goest by loftiness of genius, 60/Where is my son? and why is he not with thee?' And I to him: 'I come not of myself; He who is waiting yonder leads me here, Whom in disdain perhaps your Guido had.' His language and the mode of punishment Already unto me had read his name; On that account my answer was so full. Up starting suddenly, he cried out: 'How Saidst thou,--he had?  Is he not still alive? Does not the sweet light strike upon his eyes?' 70/When he became aware of some delay, Which I before my answer made, supine He fell again, and forth appeared no more. But the other, magnanimous, at whose desire I had remained, did not his aspect change, Neither his neck he moved, nor bent his side. 'And if,' continuing his first discourse, 'They have that art,' he said, 'not learned aright, That more tormenteth me, than doth this bed. But fifty times shall not rekindled be 80/The countenance of the Lady who reigns here, Ere thou shalt know how heavy is that art; And as thou wouldst to the sweet world return, Say why that people is so pitiless Against my race in each one of its laws?' Whence I to him: 'The slaughter and great carnage Which have with crimson stained the Arbia, cause Such orisons in our temple to be made.' After his head he with a sigh had shaken, 'There I was not alone,' he said, 'nor surely 90/Without a cause had with the others moved. But there I was alone, where every one Consented to the laying waste of Florence, He who defended her with open face.' 'Ah! so hereafter may your seed repose,' I him entreated, 'solve for me that knot, Which has entangled my conceptions here. It seems that you can see, if I hear rightly, Beforehand whatsoe'er time brings with it, And in the present have another mode.' 100/'We see, like those who have imperfect sight, The things,' he said, 'that distant are from us; So much still shines on us the Sovereign Ruler. When they draw near, or are, is wholly vain Our intellect, and if none brings it to us, Not anything know we of your human state. Hence thou canst understand, that wholly dead Will be our knowledge from the moment when The portal of the future shall be closed.' Then I, as if compunctious for my fault, 110/Said: 'Now, then, you will tell that fallen one, That still his son is with the living joined. And if just now, in answering, I was dumb, Tell him I did it because I was thinking Already of the error you have solved me.' And now my Master was recalling me, Wherefore more eagerly I prayed the spirit That he would tell me who was with him there. He said: 'With more than a thousand here I lie; Within here is the second Frederick, 120/And the Cardinal, and of the rest I speak not.' Thereon he hid himself; and I towards The ancient poet turned my steps, reflecting Upon that saying, which seemed hostile to me. He moved along; and afterward thus going, He said to me, 'Why are you confused?' And I in his inquiry satisfied him. 'Let your experience here help you, against yourself,' that Sage commanded me, 'And now listen up;' and he raised his finger. 130/'When we finally reach your hot mama That lady so fine that the angels swoon, From her you'll learn all about your own life.' Unto the left hand then he turned his feet; We left the wall, and went towards the middle, Along a path that strikes into a valley, Which even up there unpleasant made its stench. !CANTO XI. Upon the margin of a lofty bank Which great rocks broken in a circle made, We came upon a still more cruel throng; And there, by reason of the horrible Excess of stench the deep abyss throws out, We drew ourselves aside behind the cover Of a great tomb, whereon I saw a writing, Which said: 'Pope Anastasius I hold, Whom out of the right way Photinus drew.' 10/'Now's the time to take it slow, It's not very macho, but so it goes Otherwise we may fall and look silly.' The Master thus; and unto him I said, 'Some compensation find, that the time pass not Idly;' and he: 'You really know nothing. Check out these rocks here, they're gnarly,' Began he then to say, 'inside are three small circles, Sort of like the circles that we're leaving now. They're full of damned souls of course; 20/And soon enough you'll see for youself, And hear their super annoying LAME-O whining. They've done basically every bad thing, You name it and they've done it probably, They lie and cheat and steal and sing. The ones up here in particular are the liars, Only humans lie so God hates liars the most, It's one of the least macho things you can do. The first circle was the violent of course; But lots of creatures can hit a dude, 30/Heck even I, the Nacho Man, have done so. And God himself uses force on stuff, Smiting a particularly sinful tree, Hurling a lightning bolt and a crab. You can die by violence, or kill, Or do all sorts of gnarly things to a guy Ruin, and arson, and straight-up punching; Homicide, patricide, fratricide, and so forth, Marauders, and freebooters, everything, They're all condemned to one circle or another. 40/Heck you can even inflict violence on yourself In more ways than one if you know what I mean And that might get you punished as well Basically never lay a hand on anybody Without their consent, or permission, Otherwise maybe you'll burn forever. Violence can even be done to God, Saying rude stuff about him, calling names, Littering or messing up nature. In fact, by some measure it can be said 50/Literally any action is violent to somebody, But liars do violence with words alone. That is why those who commit fraud, Those who decieve and hoodwink others, Are probably folks you should not trust. They have cut themselves off from the macho, Nature abhors their cunning ways. The second circle is similar of course, Hypocrisy, flattery, and sweet wizards, Falsification, theft, and puppyhaters, 60/Panders, and barrators, and the like filth. They've forgotten things to love in life, Nature's bounty, a plate of nachos, All good things from which rad feelings flow. But it is in this circle, the smallest part Of the Universe, where Dis is located, That the betrayers and backstabbers are.' And I: 'My Master, clear enough proceeds Thy reasoning, and full well distinguishes This cavern and the people who possess it. 70/But tell me, those within the fat lagoon, Whom the wind drives, and whom the rain doth beat, And who encounter with such bitter tongues, Wherefore are they inside of the red city Not punished, if God has them in his wrath, And if he has not, wherefore in such fashion?' And unto me he said: 'Come on bro, Why do you keep asking these things? Were you not listening to me at all? Don't you have any memory whatsoever 80/Of all the unethical things that exist and which heaven itself hold as uncool?-- Incontinence, and Malice, and insane Bestiality? and how Incontinence Makes you smell bad, and makes a big mess? If you think about it for a second, And remember who are trapped in this place Those doing penance for their misdeeds, Surely you'll understand why they're apart Why their sentences are slightly less painful 90/How Justice has seen to show a bit of mercy.' 'Praise the sun!  For it shines upon those, Whom you claim to be confused by, no doubt Having not even bothered to look behind us! Once more a little backward turn thee,' said I, 'There where thou sayest that usury offends Goodness divine, and disengage the knot.' 'Think about it,' he said, 'Use your head, Consider the ways in which one might sin, And how Nature might deal with you, 100/There are a few types of sins; Did you ever have physics in school, And looking through a lame-o textbook, Determine that everything you knew Was total bogus, entirely worthless; Such that you just dropped the class? Try and stir up that feeling Only think about, I dunno, Eden, The sort of sins that were commited; And whether or not blame is assigned, 110/Or maybe like, read Paradise Lost? It's written a few centuries after you die. Anyway, we don't have all day, We don't need to move slowly anymore, So let's pick up the pace a bit, yes? Let's do a sweet trick off this crag here.' !CANTO XII. The place where to descend the bank we came Was alpine, and from what was there, moreover, Of such a kind that every eye would shun it. Such as that ruin is which in the flank Smote, on this side of Trent, the Adige, Either by earthquake or by failing stay, For from the mountain's top, from which it moved, Unto the plain the cliff is shattered so, Some path 'twould give to him who was above; 10/Even such was the descent of that ravine, And on the border of the broken chasm The infamy of Crete was stretched along, Who was conceived in the fictitious cow; And when he us beheld, he bit himself, Even as one whom anger racks within. My Sage towards him shouted: 'Is it possible That you think the Duke of Athens is here, Who killed you right good long ago? Get your ugly self out of here, loser. 20/Else I say something rude about your sister And then I'll point and laugh at you.' As is that bull who breaks loose at the moment In which he has received the mortal blow, Who cannot walk, but staggers here and there, The Minotaur beheld I do the like; And he, the wary, cried: 'Run to the passage; While he wroth, 'tis well thou shouldst descend.' Thus down we took our way o'er that discharge Of stones, which oftentimes did move themselves 30/Beneath my feet, from the unwonted burden. Thoughtful I went; and he said: 'You're thinking About how I totally owned that stupid bullman And how he ran crying before my machoness. Let me tell you this: the last time I came through this part of Hell, This bit hadn't collapsed yet. And I saw the minotaur dressed up nicely Leaving his day job in Dis, coming home Ready to spend the evening with his family, 40/And I thought maybe he's just like us Just doing his day job being an evil demon And comes home to a loving household at night But then I realize no that's stupid; He's a crazy bullman with doofy cow horns And basically nothing makes that not awful. Anyway, look at that sweet river down there, It's a river of blood! Super macho! The folks swimming in it hurt other people.' O blind cupidity, O wrath insane, 50/That spurs us onward so in our short life, And in the eternal then so badly steeps us! I saw an ample moat bent like a bow, As one which all the plain encompasses, Conformable to what my Guide had said. And between this and the embankment's foot Centaurs in file were running, armed with arrows, As in the world they used the chase to follow. Beholding us descend, each one stood still, And from the squadron three detached themselves, 60/With bows and arrows in advance selected; And from afar one cried: 'Unto what torment Come ye, who down the hillside are descending? Tell us from there; if not, I draw the bow.' My Master said: 'We ain't telling you nothin' We talk to Chrion and nobody but him. Cry about if if you can't handle it.' Then touched he me, and said: 'That guy is Nessus, Who died for the lovely Dejanira, And took some really gnarly revenge. 70/And over there through the blood-mist, You can see Chiron; who trained Achilles And Pholus who is known for his bad temper. Thousands of demons stand around the river Any time a soul tries to escape the blood They plug him full of arrows! Ka-pow! Wham!' Near we approached unto those monsters fleet; Chiron an arrow took, and with the notch Backward upon his jaws he put his beard. After he had uncovered his great mouth, 80/He said to his companions: 'Are you ware That he behind moveth whate'er he touches? Thus are not wont to do the feet of dead men.' And my good Guide, who now was at his breast, Where the two natures are together joined, Replied: 'He's alive, it is true And it is my job to take him through Hell. This is no pleasure cruise let me tell you. We're on a mission from God, as it were, I've got this task direct rom upstairs; 90/So we're just going to keep on rolling. But while I have your attention, let me ask Given the macho nature of our mission, And the fact that we have to get through, Could you lend us one of your centaurs, Who can let us ride on his back; This guy isn't a ghost and can't float.' Upon his right breast Chiron wheeled about, And said to Nessus: 'Turn and do thou guide them, And warn aside, if other band may meet you.' 100/We with our faithful escort onward moved Along the brink of the vermilion boiling, Wherein the boiled were uttering loud laments. People I saw within up to the eyebrows, And the great Centaur said: 'Tyrants are these, Who dealt in bloodshed and in pillaging. Here they lament their pitiless mischiefs; here Is Alexander, and fierce Dionysius Who upon Sicily brought dolorous years. That forehead there which has the hair so black 110/Is Azzolin; and the other who is blond, Obizzo is of Esti, who, in truth, Up in the world was by his stepson slain.' Then turned I to the Poet; and he said, 'I have no idea what any of that meant.' A little farther on the Centaur stopped Above a folk, who far down as the throat Seemed from that boiling stream to issue forth. A shade he showed us on one side alone, Saying: 'He cleft asunder in God's bosom 120/The heart that still upon the Thames is honoured.' Then people saw I, who from out the river Lifted their heads and also all the chest; And many among these I recognised. Thus ever more and more grew shallower That blood, so that the feet alone it covered; And there across the moat our passage was. 'Even as thou here upon this side beholdest The boiling stream, that aye diminishes,' The Centaur said, 'I wish thee to believe 130/That on this other more and more declines Its bed, until it reunites itself Where it behoveth tyranny to groan. Justice divine, upon this side, is goading That Attila, who was a scourge on earth, And Pyrrhus, and Sextus; and for ever milks The tears which with the boiling it unseals In Rinier da Corneto and Rinier Pazzo, Who made upon the highways so much war.' Then back he turned, and passed again the ford. !CANTO XIII. Not yet had Nessus reached the other side, When we had put ourselves within a wood, That was not marked by any path whatever. Not foliage green, but of a dusky colour, Not branches smooth, but gnarled and intertangled, Not apple-trees were there, but thorns with poison. Such tangled thickets have not, nor so dense, Those savage wild beasts, that in hatred hold 'Twixt Cecina and Corneto the tilled places. 10/There do the hideous Harpies make their nests, Who chased the Trojans from the Strophades, With sad announcement of impending doom; Broad wings have they, and necks and faces human, And feet with claws, and their great bellies fledged; They make laments upon the wondrous trees. And the good Master: 'Before we go further, I want to let you know we're in the second round,' Thus he began to say, 'and will be, until We get to the Beach of Gross Sand Crud; 20/As we go, look to your sides and you'll see The proof, if you doubt my macho words.' I heard on all sides lamentations uttered, And person none beheld I who might make them, Whence, utterly bewildered, I stood still. I think he thought that I perhaps might think So many voices issued through those trunks From people who concealed themselves from us; Therefore the Master said: 'Why not break off A little bit of a tree to satisfy yourself? 30/Plants don't feel pain, right?  Probably.' Then stretched I forth my hand a little forward, And plucked a branchlet off from a great thorn; And the trunk cried, 'Why dost thou mangle me?' After it had become embrowned with blood, It recommenced its cry: 'Why dost thou rend me? Hast thou no spirit of pity whatsoever? Men once we were, and now are changed to trees; Indeed, thy hand should be more pitiful, Even if the souls of serpents we had been.' 40/As out of a green brand, that is on fire At one of the ends, and from the other drips And hisses with the wind that is escaping; So from that splinter issued forth together Both words and blood; whereat I let the tip Fall, and stood like a man who is afraid. 'Oh man, you fell for it, what a dope!' My Sage made answer, 'Hey tree buddy, This joker has no idea where he is, And so I decided to prank him at your expense; 50/Sorry 'bout that, but it was SO MACHO! Why don't you tell him who you are? That way when he leaves for the living world, Maybe he can tell your ex-wife or something That he saw you here, and she'll laugh.' And the trunk said: 'So thy sweet words allure me, I cannot silent be; and you be vexed not, That I a little to discourse am tempted. I am the one who both keys had in keeping Of Frederick's heart, and turned them to and fro 60/So softly in unlocking and in locking, That from his secrets most men I withheld; Fidelity I bore the glorious office So great, I lost thereby my sleep and pulses. The courtesan who never from the dwelling Of Caesar turned aside her strumpet eyes, Death universal and the vice of courts, Inflamed against me all the other minds, And they, inflamed, did so inflame Augustus, That my glad honours turned to dismal mournings. 70/My spirit, in disdainful exultation, Thinking by dying to escape disdain, Made me unjust against myself, the just. I, by the roots unwonted of this wood, Do swear to you that never broke I faith Unto my lord, who was so worthy of honour; And to the world if one of you return, Let him my memory comfort, which is lying Still prostrate from the blow that envy dealt it.' Waited awhile, and then: 'If you want to know more,' 80/The Poet said to me, 'don't waste time, We don't have all day so ask him now.' Whence I to him: 'Do thou again inquire Concerning what thou thinks't will satisfy me; For I cannot, such pity is in my heart.' Therefore he recommenced: 'So may the man Do for thee freely what thy speech implores, Spirit incarcerate, again be pleased To tell us in what way the soul is bound Within these knots; and tell us, if thou canst, 90/If any from such members e'er is freed.' Then blew the trunk amain, and afterward The wind was into such a voice converted: 'With brevity shall be replied to you. When the exasperated soul abandons The body whence it rent itself away, Minos consigns it to the seventh abyss. It falls into the forest, and no part Is chosen for it; but where Fortune hurls it, There like a grain of spelt it germinates. 100/It springs a sapling, and a forest tree; The Harpies, feeding then upon its leaves, Do pain create, and for the pain an outlet. Like others for our spoils shall we return; But not that any one may them revest, For 'tis not just to have what one casts off. Here we shall drag them, and along the dismal Forest our bodies shall suspended be, Each to the thorn of his molested shade.' We were attentive still unto the trunk, 110/Thinking that more it yet might wish to tell us, When by a tumult we were overtaken, In the same way as he is who perceives The boar and chase approaching to his stand, Who hears the crashing of the beasts and branches; And two behold! upon our left-hand side, Naked and scratched, fleeing so furiously, That of the forest, every fan they broke. He who was in advance: 'Now help, Death, help!' And the other one, who seemed to lag too much, 120/Was shouting: 'Lano, were not so alert Those legs of thine at joustings of the Toppo!' And then, perchance because his breath was failing, He grouped himself together with a bush. Behind them was the forest full of black She-mastiffs, ravenous, and swift of foot As greyhounds, who are issuing from the chain. On him who had crouched down they set their teeth, And him they lacerated piece by piece, Thereafter bore away those aching members. 130/Thereat my Escort took me by the hand, And led me to the bush, that all in vain Was weeping from its bloody lacerations. 'O Jacopo,' it said, 'of Sant' Andrea, What helped it thee of me to make a screen? What blame have I in thy nefarious life?' When near him had the Master stayed his steps, He said: 'Hey Bush Buddy, tell us a story What was your life like?  We're curious.' And he to us: 'O souls, that hither come 140/To look upon the shameful massacre That has so rent away from me my leaves, Gather them up beneath the dismal bush; I of that city was which to the Baptist Changed its first patron, wherefore he for this Forever with his art will make it sad. And were it not that on the pass of Arno Some glimpses of him are remaining still, Those citizens, who afterwards rebuilt it Upon the ashes left by Attila, 150/In vain had caused their labour to be done. Of my own house I made myself a gibbet.' !CANTO XIV. Because the charity of my native place Constrained me, gathered I the scattered leaves, And gave them back to him, who now was hoarse. Then came we to the confine, where disparted The second round is from the third, and where A horrible form of Justice is beheld. Clearly to manifest these novel things, I say that we arrived upon a plain, Which from its bed rejecteth every plant; 10/The dolorous forest is a garland to it All round about, as the sad moat to that; There close upon the edge we stayed our feet. The soil was of an arid and thick sand, Not of another fashion made than that Which by the feet of Cato once was pressed. Vengeance of God, O how much oughtest thou By each one to be dreaded, who doth read That which was manifest unto mine eyes! Of naked souls beheld I many herds, 20/Who all were weeping very miserably, And over them seemed set a law diverse. Supine upon the ground some folk were lying; And some were sitting all drawn up together, And others went about continually. Those who were going round were far the more, And those were less who lay down to their torment, But had their tongues more loosed to lamentation. O'er all the sand-waste, with a gradual fall, Were raining down dilated flakes of fire, 30/As of the snow on Alp without a wind. As Alexander, in those torrid parts Of India, beheld upon his host Flames fall unbroken till they reached the ground. Whence he provided with his phalanxes To trample down the soil, because the vapour Better extinguished was while it was single; Thus was descending the eternal heat, Whereby the sand was set on fire, like tinder Beneath the steel, for doubling of the dole. 40/Without repose forever was the dance Of miserable hands, now there, now here, Shaking away from off them the fresh gleeds. 'Master,' began I, 'thou who overcomest All things except the demons dire, that issued Against us at the entrance of the gate, Who is that mighty one who seems to heed not The fire, and lieth lowering and disdainful, So that the rain seems not to ripen him?' And he himself, who had become aware 50/That I was questioning my Guide about him, Cried: 'Such as I was living, am I, dead. If Jove should weary out his smith, from whom He seized in anger the sharp thunderbolt, Wherewith upon the last day I was smitten, And if he wearied out by turns the others In Mongibello at the swarthy forge, Vociferating, 'Help, good Vulcan, help!' Even as he did there at the fight of Phlegra, And shot his bolts at me with all his might, 60/He would not have thereby a joyous vengeance.' Then did my Leader speak with such great force, That I had never heard him speak so loud: 'Yo Capaneus, aren't you aware that Your arrogance increases your punishment;? The only thing making you miserable, Is yourself.  Chill out bro!' Then he turned round to me with better lip, Saying: 'This un-macho rage man here Was one of seven kings who beseged Thebes 70/And also he seems to hate God for some reason; The only reason he's here is his doing If he calmed down he could walk on out. Now follow me, but step lightly here Don't let your feet touch the grody sand, Stay close to the woods, understand?' Speaking no word, we came to where there gushes Forth from the wood a little rivulet, Whose redness makes my hair still stand on end. As from the Bulicame springs the brooklet, 80/The sinful women later share among them, So downward through the sand it went its way. The bottom of it, and both sloping banks, Were made of stone, and the margins at the side; Whence I perceived that there the passage was. 'Out of everything we've seen so far Since we began this hellish vacation Has been pretty gnarly, you'll agree But feast your eyes on this fire-water Nothing is as rad as this here river, 90/With the flames dancing on the surface.' These words were of my Leader; whence I prayed him That he would give me largess of the food, For which he had given me largess of desire. 'Back on Earth there is this island,' Said he thereafterward, 'It's called Crete, And the king there kept his world boring. On Crete there's this huge old mountain There are streams and forests and nature stuff. Nobody lives there, but it's pretty okay. 100/The Greeks believed that a goddess gave birth And hid her son on that island, which I guess Makes sense because babies are loud and all. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this It doesn't have very much to do with the river, But it somehow seemed like the right thing. Say, did you know that some guy back on Earth, Made a video game where I'm a dragon? It's awesome!  I can breath fire and fly. Did you bring any food with you at all? 110/Ghosts can't really eat you understand, But it's been so long since I snapped Into a Slim Jim that I kinda was hoping Maybe you had one in your pocket somewhere, And could just pass it through me a bit So that I can absorb some of the essence. That's how ghosts eat, like this you see; Watch 1995's 'Casper', it's in there. Anyway, this river flows down through Hell. Eventually it will go to the very bottom 120/But you'll see where, we're going there.' And I to him: 'If so the present runnel Doth take its rise in this way from our world, Why only on this verge appears it to us?' And he to me: 'You know that Hell is circular, We've come a long way but not long enough, There's still a long way yet to go, We haven't made it quite to the end yet. So if you've been surprised by the sights, Let me say: You ain't seen nothing yet.' 130/And I again: 'Master, where shall be found Lethe and Phlegethon, for of one thou'rt silent, And sayest the other of this rain is made?' 'I said nothing of the sort, you buffoon!' Replied he; 'but to answer your question, If you look at the water you might know. See the water there? That's the Lethe, Sometimes the souls of the punished bathe And forget why they're here.  It sucks.' Then said he: 'Alright that's enough for now 140/Tourism time is over, we have a schedule; Let's go this way, follow me across, I want to get out of this stupid forest.' !CANTO XV. Now bears us onward one of the hard margins, And so the brooklet's mist o'ershadows it, From fire it saves the water and the dikes. Even as the Flemings, 'twixt Cadsand and Bruges, Fearing the flood that tow'rds them hurls itself, Their bulwarks build to put the sea to flight; And as the Paduans along the Brenta, To guard their villas and their villages, Or ever Chiarentana feel the heat; 10/In such similitude had those been made, Albeit not so lofty nor so thick, Whoever he might be, the master made them. Now were we from the forest so remote, I could not have discovered where it was, Even if backward I had turned myself, When we a company of souls encountered, Who came beside the dike, and every one Gazed at us, as at evening we are wont To eye each other under a new moon, 20/And so towards us sharpened they their brows As an old tailor at the needle's eye. Thus scrutinised by such a family, By some one I was recognised, who seized My garment's hem, and cried out, 'What a marvel!' And I, when he stretched forth his arm to me, On his baked aspect fastened so mine eyes, That the scorched countenance prevented not His recognition by my intellect; And bowing down my face unto his own, 30/I made reply, 'Are you here, Ser Brunetto?' And he: 'May't not displease thee, O my son, If a brief space with thee Brunetto Latini Backward return and let the trail go on.' I said to him: 'With all my power I ask it; And if you wish me to sit down with you, I will, if he please, for I go with him.' 'O son,' he said, 'whoever of this herd A moment stops, lies then a hundred years, Nor fans himself when smiteth him the fire. 40/Therefore go on; I at thy skirts will come, And afterward will I rejoin my band, Which goes lamenting its eternal doom.' I did not dare to go down from the road Level to walk with him; but my head bowed I held as one who goeth reverently. And he began: 'What fortune or what fate Before the last day leadeth thee down here? And who is this that showeth thee the way?' 'Up there above us in the life serene,' 50/I answered him, 'I lost me in a valley, Or ever yet my age had been completed. But yestermorn I turned my back upon it; This one appeared to me, returning thither, And homeward leadeth me along this road.' And he to me: 'If thou thy star do follow, Thou canst not fail thee of a glorious port, If well I judged in the life beautiful. And if I had not died so prematurely, Seeing Heaven thus benignant unto thee, 60/I would have given thee comfort in the work. But that ungrateful and malignant people, Which of old time from Fesole descended, And smacks still of the mountain and the granite, Will make itself, for thy good deeds, thy foe; And it is right; for among crabbed sorbs It ill befits the sweet fig to bear fruit. Old rumour in the world proclaims them blind; A people avaricious, envious, proud; Take heed that of their customs thou do cleanse thee. 70/Thy fortune so much honour doth reserve thee, One party and the other shall be hungry For thee; but far from goat shall be the grass. Their litter let the beasts of Fesole Make of themselves, nor let them touch the plant, If any still upon their dunghill rise, In which may yet revive the consecrated Seed of those Romans, who remained there when The nest of such great malice it became.' 'If my entreaty wholly were fulfilled,' 80/Replied I to him, 'not yet would you be In banishment from human nature placed; For in my mind is fixed, and touches now My heart the dear and good paternal image Of you, when in the world from hour to hour You taught me how a man becomes eternal; And how much I am grateful, while I live Behoves that in my language be discerned. What you narrate of my career I write, And keep it to be glossed with other text 90/By a Lady who can do it, if I reach her. This much will I have manifest to you; Provided that my conscience do not chide me, For whatsoever Fortune I am ready. Such handsel is not new unto mine ears; Therefore let Fortune turn her wheel around As it may please her, and the churl his mattock.' My Master thereupon on his right cheek Did backward turn himself, and looked at me; Then said: 'Man, what a downer!' 100/Nor speaking less on that account, I go With Ser Brunetto, and I ask who are His most known and most eminent companions. And he to me: 'To know of some is well; Of others it were laudable to be silent, For short would be the time for so much speech. Know them in sum, that all of them were clerks, And men of letters great and of great fame, In the world tainted with the selfsame sin. Priscian goes yonder with that wretched crowd, 110/And Francis of Accorso; and thou hadst seen there If thou hadst had a hankering for such scurf, That one, who by the Servant of the Servants From Arno was transferred to Bacchiglione, Where he has left his sin-excited nerves. More would I say, but coming and discoursing Can be no longer; for that I behold New smoke uprising yonder from the sand. A people comes with whom I may not be; Commended unto thee be my Tesoro, 120/In which I still live, and no more I ask.' Then he turned round, and seemed to be of those Who at Verona run for the Green Mantle Across the plain; and seemed to be among them The one who wins, and not the one who loses. !CANTO XVI. Now was I where was heard the reverberation Of water falling into the next round, Like to that humming which the beehives make, When shadows three together started forth, Running, from out a company that passed Beneath the rain of the sharp martyrdom. Towards us came they, and each one cried out: 'Stop, thou; for by thy garb to us thou seemest To be some one of our depraved city.' 10/Ah me! what wounds I saw upon their limbs, Recent and ancient by the flames burnt in! It pains me still but to remember it. Unto their cries my Teacher paused attentive; He turned his face towards me, and 'Now wait,' He said; 'We need to be nice to these guys. If it weren't for the fact that we're in Hell Which is inherently a bad place to be I'd say that they're swell dudes really.' As soon as we stood still, they recommenced 20/The old refrain, and when they overtook us, Formed of themselves a wheel, all three of them. As champions stripped and oiled are wont to do, Watching for their advantage and their hold, Before they come to blows and thrusts between them, Thus, wheeling round, did every one his visage Direct to me, so that in opposite wise His neck and feet continual journey made. And, 'If the misery of this soft place Bring in disdain ourselves and our entreaties,' 30/Began one, 'and our aspect black and blistered, Let the renown of us thy mind incline To tell us who thou art, who thus securely Thy living feet dost move along through Hell. He in whose footprints thou dost see me treading, Naked and skinless though he now may go, Was of a greater rank than thou dost think; He was the grandson of the good Gualdrada; His name was Guidoguerra, and in life Much did he with his wisdom and his sword. 40/The other, who close by me treads the sand, Tegghiaio Aldobrandi is, whose fame Above there in the world should welcome be. And I, who with them on the cross am placed, Jacopo Rusticucci was; and truly My savage wife, more than aught else, doth harm me.' Could I have been protected from the fire, Below I should have thrown myself among them, And think the Teacher would have suffered it; But as I should have burned and baked myself, 50/My terror overmastered my good will, Which made me greedy of embracing them. Then I began: 'Sorrow and not disdain Did your condition fix within me so, That tardily it wholly is stripped off, As soon as this my Lord said unto me Words, on account of which I thought within me That people such as you are were approaching. I of your city am; and evermore Your labours and your honourable names 60/I with affection have retraced and heard. I leave the gall, and go for the sweet fruits Promised to me by the veracious Leader; But to the centre first I needs must plunge.' 'So may the soul for a long while conduct Those limbs of thine,' did he make answer then, 'And so may thy renown shine after thee, Valour and courtesy, say if they dwell Within our city, as they used to do, Or if they wholly have gone out of it; 70/For Guglielmo Borsier, who is in torment With us of late, and goes there with his comrades, Doth greatly mortify us with his words.' 'The new inhabitants and the sudden gains, Pride and extravagance have in thee engendered, Florence, so that thou weep'st thereat already!' In this wise I exclaimed with face uplifted; And the three, taking that for my reply, Looked at each other, as one looks at truth. 'If other times so little it doth cost thee,' 80/Replied they all, 'to satisfy another, Happy art thou, thus speaking at thy will! Therefore, if thou escape from these dark places, And come to rebehold the beauteous stars, When it shall pleasure thee to say, 'I was,' See that thou speak of us unto the people.' Then they broke up the wheel, and in their flight It seemed as if their agile legs were wings. Not an Amen could possibly be said So rapidly as they had disappeared; 90/Wherefore the Master deemed best to depart. I followed him, and little had we gone, Before the sound of water was so near us, That speaking we should hardly have been heard. Even as that stream which holdeth its own course The first from Monte Veso tow'rds the East, Upon the left-hand slope of Apennine, Which is above called Acquacheta, ere It down descendeth into its low bed, And at Forli is vacant of that name, 100/Reverberates there above San Benedetto From Alps, by falling at a single leap, Where for a thousand there were room enough; Thus downward from a bank precipitate, We found resounding that dark-tinted water, So that it soon the ear would have offended. I had a cord around about me girt, And therewithal I whilom had designed To take the panther with the painted skin. After I this had all from me unloosed, 110/As my Conductor had commanded me, I reached it to him, gathered up and coiled, Whereat he turned himself to the right side, And at a little distance from the verge, He cast it down into that deep abyss. 'It must needs be some novelty respond,' I said within myself, 'to the new signal The Master with his eye is following so.' Ah me! how very cautious men should be With those who not alone behold the act, 120/But with their wisdom look into the thoughts! He said to me: 'Soon what I'm waiting for Will show up here, and your curiosity Might be satisfied, for a while.' Aye to that truth which has the face of falsehood, A man should close his lips as far as may be, Because without his fault it causes shame; But here I cannot; and, Reader, by the notes Of this my Comedy to thee I swear, So may they not be void of lasting favour, 130/Athwart that dense and darksome atmosphere I saw a figure swimming upward come, Marvellous unto every steadfast heart, Even as he returns who goeth down Sometimes to clear an anchor, which has grappled Reef, or aught else that in the sea is hidden, Who upward stretches, and draws in his feet. !CANTO XVII. 'Look at that super macho monster down there! He shatters mountains and breaks city walls! Check out his power, and be awed!' Thus unto me my Guide began to say, And beckoned him that he should come to shore, Near to the confine of the trodden marble; And that uncleanly image of deceit Came up and thrust ashore its head and bust, But on the border did not drag its tail. 10/The face was as the face of a just man, Its semblance outwardly was so benign, And of a serpent all the trunk beside. Two paws it had, hairy unto the armpits; The back, and breast, and both the sides it had Depicted o'er with nooses and with shields. With colours more, groundwork or broidery Never in cloth did Tartars make nor Turks, Nor were such tissues by Arachne laid. As sometimes wherries lie upon the shore, 20/That part are in the water, part on land; And as among the guzzling Germans there, The beaver plants himself to wage his war; So that vile monster lay upon the border, Which is of stone, and shutteth in the sand. His tail was wholly quivering in the void, Contorting upwards the envenomed fork, That in the guise of scorpion armed its point. The Guide said: 'We should avoid it. Despite my macho strength and nacho power 30/He is one dude that I don't want to fight.' We therefore on the right side descended, And made ten steps upon the outer verge, Completely to avoid the sand and flame; And after we are come to him, I see A little farther off upon the sand A people sitting near the hollow place. Then said to me the Master: 'It'll improve Your experience of Hell immensely, If you go ask them what their deal is. 40/This is not space, but for them, it's the place; While you do that I'm going to sunbathe, In this Sahara that is Macho Madness.' Thus farther still upon the outermost Head of that seventh circle all alone I went, where sat the melancholy folk. Out of their eyes was gushing forth their woe; This way, that way, they helped them with their hands Now from the flames and now from the hot soil. Not otherwise in summer do the dogs, 50/Now with the foot, now with the muzzle, when By fleas, or flies, or gadflies, they are bitten. When I had turned mine eyes upon the faces Of some, on whom the dolorous fire is falling, Not one of them I knew; but I perceived That from the neck of each there hung a pouch, Which certain colour had, and certain blazon; And thereupon it seems their eyes are feeding. And as I gazing round me come among them, Upon a yellow pouch I azure saw 60/That had the face and posture of a lion. Proceeding then the current of my sight, Another of them saw I, red as blood, Display a goose more white than butter is. And one, who with an azure sow and gravid Emblazoned had his little pouch of white, Said unto me: 'What dost thou in this moat? Now get thee gone; and since thou'rt still alive, Know that a neighbour of mine, Vitaliano, Will have his seat here on my left-hand side. 70/A Paduan am I with these Florentines; Full many a time they thunder in mine ears, Exclaiming, 'Come the sovereign cavalier, He who shall bring the satchel with three goats;'' Then twisted he his mouth, and forth he thrust His tongue, like to an ox that licks its nose. And fearing lest my longer stay might vex Him who had warned me not to tarry long, Backward I turned me from those weary souls. I found my Guide, who had already mounted 80/Upon the back of that wild animal, And said to me: 'Now don't be a wuss. It's time to descend some stairs, get hype! You ride up front and me in back, So that you don't get hurt by the tail.' Such as he is who has so near the ague Of quartan that his nails are blue already, And trembles all, but looking at the shade; Even such became I at those proffered words; But shame in me his menaces produced, 90/Which maketh servant strong before good master. I seated me upon those monstrous shoulders; I wished to say, and yet the voice came not As I believed, 'Take heed that thou embrace me.' But he, who other times had rescued me In other peril, soon as I had mounted, Within his arms encircled and sustained me, And said: 'Giddyup hoss! Go forth; It's not every day you carry the Macho Man; Think of the story you can tell your friends.' 100/Even as the little vessel shoves from shore, Backward, still backward, so he thence withdrew; And when he wholly felt himself afloat, There where his breast had been he turned his tail, And that extended like an eel he moved, And with his paws drew to himself the air. A greater fear I do not think there was What time abandoned Phaeton the reins, Whereby the heavens, as still appears, were scorched; Nor when the wretched Icarus his flanks 110/Felt stripped of feathers by the melting wax, His father crying, 'An ill way thou takest!' Than was my own, when I perceived myself On all sides in the air, and saw extinguished The sight of everything but of the monster. Onward he goeth, swimming slowly, slowly; Wheels and descends, but I perceive it only By wind upon my face and from below. I heard already on the right the whirlpool Making a horrible crashing under us; 120/Whence I thrust out my head with eyes cast downward. Then was I still more fearful of the abyss; Because I fires beheld, and heard laments, Whereat I, trembling, all the closer cling. I saw then, for before I had not seen it, The turning and descending, by great horrors That were approaching upon divers sides. As falcon who has long been on the wing, Who, without seeing either lure or bird, Maketh the falconer say, 'Ah me, thou stoopest,' 130/Descendeth weary, whence he started swiftly, Thorough a hundred circles, and alights Far from his master, sullen and disdainful; Even thus did Geryon place us on the bottom, Close to the bases of the rough-hewn rock, And being disencumbered of our persons, He sped away as arrow from the string. !CANTO XVIII. There is a place in Hell called Malebolge, Wholly of stone and of an iron colour, As is the circle that around it turns. Right in the middle of the field malign There yawns a well exceeding wide and deep, Of which its place the structure will recount. Round, then, is that enclosure which remains Between the well and foot of the high, hard bank, And has distinct in valleys ten its bottom. 10/As where for the protection of the walls Many and many moats surround the castles, The part in which they are a figure forms, Just such an image those presented there; And as about such strongholds from their gates Unto the outer bank are little bridges, So from the precipice's base did crags Project, which intersected dikes and moats, Unto the well that truncates and collects them. Within this place, down shaken from the back 20/Of Geryon, we found us; and the Poet Held to the left, and I moved on behind. Upon my right hand I beheld new anguish, New torments, and new wielders of the lash, Wherewith the foremost Bolgia was replete. Down at the bottom were the sinners naked; This side the middle came they facing us, Beyond it, with us, but with greater steps; Even as the Romans, for the mighty host, The year of Jubilee, upon the bridge, 30/Have chosen a mode to pass the people over; For all upon one side towards the Castle Their faces have, and go unto St. Peter's; On the other side they go towards the Mountain. This side and that, along the livid stone Beheld I horned demons with great scourges, Who cruelly were beating them behind. Ah me! how they did make them lift their legs At the first blows! and sooth not any one The second waited for, nor for the third. 40/While I was going on, mine eyes by one Encountered were; and straight I said: 'Already With sight of this one I am not unfed.' Therefore I stayed my feet to make him out, And with me the sweet Guide came to a stand, And to my going somewhat back assented; And he, the scourged one, thought to hide himself, Lowering his face, but little it availed him; For said I: 'Thou that castest down thine eyes, If false are not the features which thou bearest, 50/Thou art Venedico Caccianimico; But what doth bring thee to such pungent sauces?' And he to me: 'Unwillingly I tell it; But forces me thine utterance distinct, Which makes me recollect the ancient world. I was the one who the fair Ghisola Induced to grant the wishes of the Marquis, Howe'er the shameless story may be told. Not the sole Bolognese am I who weeps here; Nay, rather is this place so full of them, 60/That not so many tongues to-day are taught 'Twixt Reno and Savena to say 'sipa;' And if thereof thou wishest pledge or proof, Bring to thy mind our avaricious heart.' While speaking in this manner, with his scourge A demon smote him, and said: 'Get thee gone Pander, there are no women here for coin.' I joined myself again unto mine Escort; Thereafterward with footsteps few we came To where a crag projected from the bank. 70/This very easily did we ascend, And turning to the right along its ridge, From those eternal circles we departed. When we were there, where it is hollowed out Beneath, to give a passage to the scourged, The Guide said: 'Wait and look at them, Those unhip cats who are born evil, Those whom we have not seen as of yet, Because they've been following us.' From the old bridge we looked upon the train 80/Which tow'rds us came upon the other border, And which the scourges in like manner smite. And the good Master, without my inquiring, Said to me: 'Look at the tall one there, Despite his pain he's standing up tall; See how macho he remains in its face! That's Jason, whom you've heard of maybe? He did some pretty despicable stuff. I honestly never read Greek myths So I'm sort of in the dark about this. 90/You'll have to do the reading yourself. Instead, why don't you go bother him? Ask him about his wife and kids, And if he ever was a liar to them. I do know he had a cool boat called the Argo; I heard he went searching for some mutton, But then discovered gold was inedible. Seems like you could learn a lot from him; About how to be a jerk to women and kids You know, if you weren't already.' 100/We were already where the narrow path Crosses athwart the second dike, and forms Of that a buttress for another arch. Thence we heard people, who are making moan In the next Bolgia, snorting with their muzzles, And with their palms beating upon themselves The margins were incrusted with a mould By exhalation from below, that sticks there, And with the eyes and nostrils wages war. The bottom is so deep, no place suffices 110/To give us sight of it, without ascending The arch's back, where most the crag impends. Thither we came, and thence down in the moat I saw a people smothered in a filth That out of human privies seemed to flow; And whilst below there with mine eye I search, I saw one with his head so foul with ordure, It was not clear if he were clerk or layman. He screamed to me: 'Wherefore art thou so eager To look at me more than the other foul ones?' 120/And I to him: 'Because, if I remember, I have already seen thee with dry hair, And thou'rt Alessio Interminei of Lucca; Therefore I eye thee more than all the others.' And he thereon, belabouring his pumpkin: 'The flatteries have submerged me here below, Wherewith my tongue was never surfeited.' Then said to me the Guide: 'See that thou thrust Thy visage somewhat farther in advance, That with thine eyes thou well the face attain 130/Of that uncleanly and dishevelled drab, Who there doth scratch herself with filthy nails, And crouches now, and now on foot is standing. Thais the harlot is it, who replied Unto her paramour, when he said, 'Have I Great gratitude from thee?'--'Nay, marvellous;' And herewith let our sight be satisfied.' !CANTO XIX. O Simon Magus, O forlorn disciples, Ye who the things of God, which ought to be The brides of holiness, rapaciously For silver and for gold do prostitute, Now it behoves for you the trumpet sound, Because in this third Bolgia ye abide. We had already on the following tomb Ascended to that portion of the crag Which o'er the middle of the moat hangs plumb. 10/Wisdom supreme, O how great art thou showest In heaven, in earth, and in the evil world, And with what justice doth thy power distribute! I saw upon the sides and on the bottom The livid stone with perforations filled, All of one size, and every one was round. To me less ample seemed they not, nor greater Than those that in my beautiful Saint John Are fashioned for the place of the baptisers, And one of which, not many years ago, 20/I broke for some one, who was drowning in it; Be this a seal all men to undeceive. Out of the mouth of each one there protruded The feet of a transgressor, and the legs Up to the calf, the rest within remained. In all of them the soles were both on fire; Wherefore the joints so violently quivered, They would have snapped asunder withes and bands. Even as the flame of unctuous things is wont To move upon the outer surface only, 30/So likewise was it there from heel to point. 'Master, who is that one who writhes himself, More than his other comrades quivering,' I said, 'and whom a redder flame is sucking?' And he to me: 'If you follow me a little bit, Down this bank to where that cat is sitting, He will tell you himself his sorry story.' And I: 'What pleases thee, to me is pleasing; Thou art my Lord, and knowest that I depart not From thy desire, and knowest what is not spoken.' 40/Straightway upon the fourth dike we arrived; We turned, and on the left-hand side descended Down to the bottom full of holes and narrow. And the good Master yet from off his haunch Deposed me not, till to the hole he brought me Of him who so lamented with his shanks. 'Whoe'er thou art, that standest upside down, O doleful soul, implanted like a stake,' To say began I, 'if thou canst, speak out.' I stood even as the friar who is confessing 50/The false assassin, who, when he is fixed, Recalls him, so that death may be delayed. And he cried out: 'Dost thou stand there already, Dost thou stand there already, Boniface? By many years the record lied to me. Art thou so early satiate with that wealth, For which thou didst not fear to take by fraud The beautiful Lady, and then work her woe?' Such I became, as people are who stand, Not comprehending what is answered them, 60/As if bemocked, and know not how to answer. Then said Macho Man: 'Quick-like, tell him 'That's not me, I'm a different guy!'' And I replied as was imposed on me. Whereat the spirit writhed with both his feet, Then, sighing, with a voice of lamentation Said to me: 'Then what wantest thou of me? If who I am thou carest so much to know, That thou on that account hast crossed the bank, Know that I vested was with the great mantle; 70/And truly was I son of the She-bear, So eager to advance the cubs, that wealth Above, and here myself, I pocketed. Beneath my head the others are dragged down Who have preceded me in simony, Flattened along the fissure of the rock. Below there I shall likewise fall, whenever That one shall come who I believed thou wast, What time the sudden question I proposed. But longer I my feet already toast, 80/And here have been in this way upside down, Than he will planted stay with reddened feet; For after him shall come of fouler deed From tow'rds the west a Pastor without law, Such as befits to cover him and me. New Jason will he be, of whom we read In Maccabees; and as his king was pliant, So he who governs France shall be to this one.' I do not know if I were here too bold, That him I answered only in this metre: 90/'I pray thee tell me now how great a treasure Our Lord demanded of Saint Peter first, Before he put the keys into his keeping? Truly he nothing asked but 'Follow me.' Nor Peter nor the rest asked of Matthias Silver or gold, when he by lot was chosen Unto the place the guilty soul had lost. Therefore stay here, for thou art justly punished, And keep safe guard o'er the ill-gotten money, Which caused thee to be valiant against Charles. 100/And were it not that still forbids it me The reverence for the keys superlative Thou hadst in keeping in the gladsome life, I would make use of words more grievous still; Because your avarice afflicts the world, Trampling the good and lifting the depraved. The Evangelist you Pastors had in mind, When she who sitteth upon many waters To fornicate with kings by him was seen; The same who with the seven heads was born, 110/And power and strength from the ten horns received, So long as virtue to her spouse was pleasing. Ye have made yourselves a god of gold and silver; And from the idolater how differ ye, Save that he one, and ye a hundred worship? Ah, Constantine! of how much ill was mother, Not thy conversion, but that marriage dower Which the first wealthy Father took from thee!' And while I sang to him such notes as these, Either that anger or that conscience stung him, 120/He struggled violently with both his feet. I think in sooth that it my Leader pleased, With such contented lip he listened ever Unto the sound of the true words expressed. Therefore with both his arms he took me up, And when he had me all upon his breast, Remounted by the way where he descended. Nor did he tire to have me clasped to him; But bore me to the summit of the arch Which from the fourth dike to the fifth is passage. 130/There tenderly he laid his burden down, Tenderly on the crag uneven and steep, That would have been hard passage for the goats: Thence was unveiled to me another valley. !CANTO XX. Of a new pain behoves me to make verses And give material to the twentieth canto Of the first song, which is of the submerged. I was already thoroughly disposed To peer down into the uncovered depth, Which bathed itself with tears of agony; And people saw I through the circular valley, Silent and weeping, coming at the pace Which in this world the Litanies assume. 10/As lower down my sight descended on them, Wondrously each one seemed to be distorted From chin to the beginning of the chest; For tow'rds the reins the countenance was turned, And backward it behoved them to advance, As to look forward had been taken from them. Perchance indeed by violence of palsy Some one has been thus wholly turned awry; But I ne'er saw it, nor believe it can be. As God may let thee, Reader, gather fruit 20/From this thy reading, think now for thyself How I could ever keep my face unmoistened, When our own image near me I beheld Distorted so, the weeping of the eyes Along the fissure bathed the hinder parts. Truly I wept, leaning upon a peak Of the hard crag, so that my Escort said To me: 'What are you crying for? Are you tired?  Is it your bedtime? It's been a big day for you I know. 30/You must be tired and not even know it. Let me tell you a bedtime story then To pass the time while we stride forward; Our macho hair swirling in the breeze. Once upon a time there was a warrior Sarnath was his name, from Monqurt He was a true knight, macho even as me. When he was young he traveled far Seeking the best challengers and champions Besting them all in one-on-one rumbles. 40/Eventually he came to the land of the Church, That great cathedral of Amour Lardo, Where the Cellulite Pope held his court. Sarnath did not know about religion In his land there was no church at all, And of course this world was not our own. This Nacho Man of old was truly wowed, The music of the priests blew him away And the pontiff himself was noble and kind. For a long time he lived at the court 50/Aiding young paladins in their training Serving as armsmaster for the holy army. Until finally he took oaths himself, Not those to be a clergyman, oh no, But to serve as the shield of the church. At this time an evil nation to the north, Wicked and envious of the church's wealth; Invaded and tried to stamp out the faith. It was Sarnath who held the line, Alongside his four most promising pupils, 60/Who ever after bore the title 'Hounds'. Their names are famous today They were Gleeok and Ragnasaurth Ilthor and strongest of all Thorgan. With their master they stemmed the tide, These five alone against a legion of foes Sheer numbers could not overcome their might. Yet as the battle appeared to be won, A single arrow struck Sarnath in the thigh Fast-acting poison turned his blood cold. 70/Gasping for air in his final minutes, Sarnath passed his title on to Thorgan, Appointing him leader of the Church's army. Thus ended the story of the hero Sarnath And where his spirit went I cannot say, In that world things aren't as simple. If you don't understand this story, Don't sweat it, I'm just killing time. It's actually not that great a story. And sorry if my speech has become formal 80/During the telling of this particular tale, I'm just trying to relate it I heard it. Some guy named Pablo told it to me When we were lifting at the gym last week, And I guess it has kind of stuck with me. Anyway, hopefully this happy tale Has gotten you to stop crying, or at least made you fall asleep; Either way it's the same to me, after all, We're going to have to keep going eventually 90/Unlike you I have all the time in the world. Say, have I ever tell you the cheese joke? You know, the one with the goat and the spoon? Where they end up at the sanitation plant? Well it's too long to tell now, There aren't many lines left in this Canto, But remind me in Canto XXXIV, it's great. A real knee-slapper let me tell you, The sort of joke you'll tell your grandkids Years from now as you munch on a Slim Jim. 100/And I: 'My Master, thy discourses are To me so certain, and so take my faith, That unto me the rest would be spent coals. But tell me of the people who are passing, If any one note-worthy thou beholdest, For only unto that my mind reverts.' Then said he to me: 'Normally I'd tell you But I've just spent a lot of time talking And even ghosts get sore throats, you know. I know that here there's like six more stanzas 110/And that if I stuck on-script I'd give them all But honestly I'm just not feeling it right now. So I'm going to take matters into my own hands My MACHO hands; my NACHO hands, as they were. And end this particular canto early. I hope you don't hold it against me, The next one is more interesting anyway So let's just hurry along to it shall we? Thus spake he to me, and we walked the while. !CANTO XXI. From bridge to bridge thus, speaking other things Of which my Comedy cares not to sing, We came along, and held the summit, when We halted to behold another fissure Of Malebolge and other vain laments; And I beheld it marvellously dark. As in the Arsenal of the Venetians Boils in the winter the tenacious pitch To smear their unsound vessels o'er again, 10/For sail they cannot; and instead thereof One makes his vessel new, and one recaulks The ribs of that which many a voyage has made; One hammers at the prow, one at the stern, This one makes oars, and that one cordage twists, Another mends the mainsail and the mizzen; Thus, not by fire, but by the art divine, Was boiling down below there a dense pitch Which upon every side the bank belimed. I saw it, but I did not see within it 20/Aught but the bubbles that the boiling raised, And all swell up and resubside compressed. The while below there fixedly I gazed, My Leader, crying out: 'Watch out!' Drew me unto himself from where I stood. Then I turned round, as one who is impatient To see what it behoves him to escape, And whom a sudden terror doth unman, Who, while he looks, delays not his departure; And I beheld behind us a black devil, 30/Running along upon the crag, approach. Ah, how ferocious was he in his aspect! And how he seemed to me in action ruthless, With open wings and light upon his feet! His shoulders, which sharp-pointed were and high, A sinner did encumber with both haunches, And he held clutched the sinews of the feet. From off our bridge, he said: 'O Malebranche, Behold one of the elders of Saint Zita; Plunge him beneath, for I return for others 40/Unto that town, which is well furnished with them. All there are barrators, except Bonturo; No into Yes for money there is changed.' He hurled him down, and over the hard crag Turned round, and never was a mastiff loosened In so much hurry to pursue a thief. The other sank, and rose again face downward; But the demons, under cover of the bridge, Cried: 'Here the Santo Volto has no place! Here swims one otherwise than in the Serchio; 50/Therefore, if for our gaffs thou wishest not, Do not uplift thyself above the pitch.' They seized him then with more than a hundred rakes; They said: 'It here behoves thee to dance covered, That, if thou canst, thou secretly mayest pilfer.' Not otherwise the cooks their scullions make Immerse into the middle of the caldron The meat with hooks, so that it may not float. Said the good Master to me: 'You gotta hide, So duck down behind this rock face 60/And they will not be able to see you; Don't worry about what happesn to me, None may withstand the Macho Man unleashed, I've handled these demons many times.' Then he passed on beyond the bridge's head, And as upon the sixth bank he arrived, Need was for him to have a steadfast front. With the same fury, and the same uproar, As dogs leap out upon a mendicant, Who on a sudden begs, where'er he stops, 70/They issued from beneath the little bridge, And turned against him all their grappling-irons; But he cried out: 'Step back idiots! Do you remember what happened last time, When I was strolling through on vacation, And you tried to grab me and paid the price?' They all cried out: 'Let Malacoda go;' Whereat one started, and the rest stood still, And he came to him, saying: 'What avails it?' 'How now, Malacoda? Up for another round? 80/I hope your tail is healed.' my Master said, 'There's a reason your name is evil tail, But what evil can you do if it breaks again? Why not let me pass, and spare your body Unless you're crusing for a bruising.' Then was his arrogance so humbled in him, That he let fall his grapnel at his feet, And to the others said: 'Now strike him not.' And unto me my Guide: 'O thou, who sittest Among the splinters of the bridge crouched down, 90/Securely now return to me again.' Wherefore I started and came swiftly to him; And all the devils forward thrust themselves, So that I feared they would not keep their compact. And thus beheld I once afraid the soldiers Who issued under safeguard from Caprona, Seeing themselves among so many foes. Close did I press myself with all my person Beside my Leader, and turned not mine eyes From off their countenance, which was not good. 100/They lowered their rakes, and 'Wilt thou have me hit him,' They said to one another, 'on the rump?' And answered: 'Yes; see that thou nick him with it.' But the same demon who was holding parley With my Conductor turned him very quickly, And said: 'Be quiet, be quiet, Scarmiglione;' Then said to us: 'You can no farther go Forward upon this crag, because is lying All shattered, at the bottom, the sixth arch. And if it still doth please you to go onward, 110/Pursue your way along upon this rock; Near is another crag that yields a path. Yesterday, five hours later than this hour, One thousand and two hundred sixty-six Years were complete, that here the way was broken. I send in that direction some of mine To see if any one doth air himself; Go ye with them; for they will not be vicious. Step forward, Alichino and Calcabrina,' Began he to cry out, 'and thou, Cagnazzo; 120/And Barbariccia, do thou guide the ten. Come forward, Libicocco and Draghignazzo, And tusked Ciriatto and Graffiacane, And Farfarello and mad Rubicante; Search ye all round about the boiling pitch; Let these be safe as far as the next crag, That all unbroken passes o'er the dens.' 'O me! what is it, Master, that I see? Pray let us go,' I said, 'without an escort, If thou knowest how, since for myself I ask none. 130/If thou art as observant as thy wont is, Dost thou not see that they do gnash their teeth, And with their brows are threatening woe to us?' And he to me: 'There's no need to fear now; They just want to regain their lost pride, Gnashing their teeth to shore up their image.' Along the left-hand dike they wheeled about; But first had each one thrust his tongue between His teeth towards their leader for a signal; And he had made a trumpet of his rump. !CANTO XXII. I have erewhile seen horsemen moving camp, Begin the storming, and their muster make, And sometimes starting off for their escape; Vaunt-couriers have I seen upon your land, O Aretines, and foragers go forth, Tournaments stricken, and the joustings run, Sometimes with trumpets and sometimes with bells, With kettle-drums, and signals of the castles, And with our own, and with outlandish things, 10/But never yet with bagpipe so uncouth Did I see horsemen move, nor infantry, Nor ship by any sign of land or star. We went upon our way with the ten demons; Ah, savage company! but in the church With saints, and in the tavern with the gluttons! Ever upon the pitch was my intent, To see the whole condition of that Bolgia, And of the people who therein were burned. Even as the dolphins, when they make a sign 20/To mariners by arching of the back, That they should counsel take to save their vessel, Thus sometimes, to alleviate his pain, One of the sinners would display his back, And in less time conceal it than it lightens. As on the brink of water in a ditch The frogs stand only with their muzzles out, So that they hide their feet and other bulk, So upon every side the sinners stood; But ever as Barbariccia near them came, 30/Thus underneath the boiling they withdrew. I saw, and still my heart doth shudder at it, One waiting thus, even as it comes to pass One frog remains, and down another dives; And Graffiacan, who most confronted him, Grappled him by his tresses smeared with pitch, And drew him up, so that he seemed an otter. I knew, before, the names of all of them, So had I noted them when they were chosen, And when they called each other, listened how. 40/'O Rubicante, see that thou do lay Thy claws upon him, so that thou mayst flay him,' Cried all together the accursed ones. And I: 'My Master, see to it, if thou canst, That thou mayst know who is the luckless wight, Thus come into his adversaries' hands.' Near to the side of him my Leader drew, Asked of him whence he was; and he replied: 'I in the kingdom of Navarre was born; My mother placed me servant to a lord, 50/For she had borne me to a ribald knave, Destroyer of himself and of his things. Then I domestic was of good King Thibault; I set me there to practise barratry, For which I pay the reckoning in this heat.' And Ciriatto, from whose mouth projected, On either side, a tusk, as in a boar, Caused him to feel how one of them could rip. Among malicious cats the mouse had come; But Barbariccia clasped him in his arms, 60/And said: 'Stand ye aside, while I enfork him.' And to my Master he turned round his head; 'Ask him again,' he said, 'and just maybe You've noticed I always tell you that.' The Guide: 'Now tell us of the others here; Are there any who are worthing hearing about? Best gnarly story?'  And he: 'I separated Lately from one who was a neighbour to it; Would that I still were covered up with him, For I should fear not either claw nor hook!' 70/And Libicocco: 'We have borne too much;' And with his grapnel seized him by the arm, So that, by rending, he tore off a tendon. Eke Draghignazzo wished to pounce upon him Down at the legs; whence their Decurion Turned round and round about with evil look. When they again somewhat were pacified, Of him, who still was looking at his wound, Demanded my Conductor without stay: 'Wow who was that guy?  I don't know him. 80/Also you might want to get that looked at.' And he replied: 'It was the Friar Gomita, He of Gallura, vessel of all fraud, Who had the enemies of his Lord in hand, And dealt so with them each exults thereat; Money he took, and let them smoothly off, As he says; and in other offices A barrator was he, not mean but sovereign. Foregathers with him one Don Michael Zanche Of Logodoro; and of Sardinia 90/To gossip never do their tongues feel tired. O me! see that one, how he grinds his teeth; Still farther would I speak, but am afraid Lest he to scratch my itch be making ready.' And the grand Provost, turned to Farfarello, Who rolled his eyes about as if to strike, Said: 'Stand aside there, thou malicious bird.' 'If you desire either to see or hear,' The terror-stricken recommenced thereon, 'Tuscans or Lombards, I will make them come. 100/But let the Malebranche cease a little, So that these may not their revenges fear, And I, down sitting in this very place, For one that I am will make seven come, When I shall whistle, as our custom is To do whenever one of us comes out.' Cagnazzo at these words his muzzle lifted, Shaking his head, and said: 'Just hear the trick Which he has thought of, down to throw himself!' Whence he, who snares in great abundance had, 110/Responded: 'I by far too cunning am, When I procure for mine a greater sadness.' Alichin held not in, but running counter Unto the rest, said to him: 'If thou dive, I will not follow thee upon the gallop, But I will beat my wings above the pitch; The height be left, and be the bank a shield To see if thou alone dost countervail us.' O thou who readest, thou shalt hear new sport! Each to the other side his eyes averted; 120/He first, who most reluctant was to do it. The Navarrese selected well his time; Planted his feet on land, and in a moment Leaped, and released himself from their design. Whereat each one was suddenly stung with shame, But he most who was cause of the defeat; Therefore he moved, and cried: 'Thou art o'ertakern.' But little it availed, for wings could not Outstrip the fear; the other one went under, And, flying, upward he his breast directed; 130/Not otherwise the duck upon a sudden Dives under, when the falcon is approaching, And upward he returneth cross and weary. Infuriate at the mockery, Calcabrina Flying behind him followed close, desirous The other should escape, to have a quarrel. And when the barrator had disappeared, He turned his talons upon his companion, And grappled with him right above the moat. But sooth the other was a doughty sparhawk 140/To clapperclaw him well; and both of them Fell in the middle of the boiling pond. A sudden intercessor was the heat; But ne'ertheless of rising there was naught, To such degree they had their wings belimed. Lamenting with the others, Barbariccia Made four of them fly to the other side With all their gaffs, and very speedily This side and that they to their posts descended; They stretched their hooks towards the pitch-ensnared, 150/Who were already baked within the crust, And in this manner busied did we leave them. !CANTO XXIII. Silent, alone, and without company We went, the one in front, the other after, As go the Minor Friars along their way. Upon the fable of Aesop was directed My thought, by reason of the present quarrel, Where he has spoken of the frog and mouse; For 'mo' and 'issa' are not more alike Than this one is to that, if well we couple End and beginning with a steadfast mind. 10/And even as one thought from another springs, So afterward from that was born another, Which the first fear within me double made. Thus did I ponder: 'These on our account Are laughed to scorn, with injury and scoff So great, that much I think it must annoy them. If anger be engrafted on ill-will, They will come after us more merciless Than dog upon the leveret which he seizes,' I felt my hair stand all on end already 20/With terror, and stood backwardly intent, When said I: 'Master, if thou hidest not Thyself and me forthwith, of Malebranche I am in dread; we have them now behind us; I so imagine them, I already feel them.' And he: 'Sometimes when I hear you speak, I have no idea what you're saying at all And so I imagine it's a hilarious joke. Now, for example, you just said gibberish, Which I interpreted as a very funny bit 30/About a rooster and a tractor-trailer. Let's take this downward slope here Step lively, macho men don't lose balance, Nothing shall catch us on this path.' Not yet he finished rendering such opinion, When I beheld them come with outstretched wings, Not far remote, with will to seize upon us. My Leader on a sudden seized me up, Even as a mother who by noise is wakened, And close beside her sees the enkindled flames, 40/Who takes her son, and flies, and does not stop, Having more care of him than of herself, So that she clothes her only with a shift; And downward from the top of the hard bank Supine he gave him to the pendent rock, That one side of the other Bolgia walls. Ne'er ran so swiftly water through a sluice To turn the wheel of any land-built mill, When nearest to the paddles it approaches, As did my Master down along that border, 50/Bearing me with him on his breast away, As his own son, and not as a companion. Hardly the bed of the ravine below His feet had reached, ere they had reached the hill Right over us; but he was not afraid; For the high Providence, which had ordained To place them ministers of the fifth moat, The power of thence departing took from all. A painted people there below we found, Who went about with footsteps very slow, 60/Weeping and in their semblance tired and vanquished. They had on mantles with the hoods low down Before their eyes, and fashioned of the cut That in Cologne they for the monks are made. Without, they gilded are so that it dazzles; But inwardly all leaden and so heavy That Frederick used to put them on of straw. O everlastingly fatiguing mantle! Again we turned us, still to the left hand Along with them, intent on their sad plaint; 70/But owing to the weight, that weary folk Came on so tardily, that we were new In company at each motion of the haunch. Whence I unto my Leader: 'See thou find Some one who may by deed or name be known, And thus in going move thine eye about.' And one, who understood the Tuscan speech, Cried to us from behind: 'Stay ye your feet, Ye, who so run athwart the dusky air! Perhaps thou'lt have from me what thou demandest.' 80/Whereat the Leader turned him, and said: 'Wait, And walk towards this weird duck slowly.' I stopped, and two beheld I show great haste Of spirit, in their faces, to be with me; But the burden and the narrow way delayed them. When they came up, long with an eye askance They scanned me without uttering a word. Then to each other turned, and said together: 'He by the action of his throat seems living; And if they dead are, by what privilege 90/Go they uncovered by the heavy stole?' Then said to me: 'Tuscan, who to the college Of miserable hypocrites art come, Do not disdain to tell us who thou art.' And I to them: 'Born was I, and grew up In the great town on the fair river of Arno, And with the body am I've always had. But who are ye, in whom there trickles down Along your cheeks such grief as I behold? And what pain is upon you, that so sparkles?' 100/And one replied to me: 'These orange cloaks Are made of lead so heavy, that the weights Cause in this way their balances to creak. Frati Gaudenti were we, and Bolognese; I Catalano, and he Loderingo Named, and together taken by thy city, As the wont is to take one man alone, For maintenance of its peace; and we were such That still it is apparent round Gardingo.' 'O Friars,' began I, 'your iniquitous. . .' 110/But said no more; for to mine eyes there rushed One crucified with three stakes on the ground. When me he saw, he writhed himself all over, Blowing into his beard with suspirations; And the Friar Catalan, who noticed this, Said to me: 'This transfixed one, whom thou seest, Counselled the Pharisees that it was meet To put one man to torture for the people. Crosswise and naked is he on the path, As thou perceivest; and he needs must feel, 120/Whoever passes, first how much he weighs; And in like mode his father-in-law is punished Within this moat, and the others of the council, Which for the Jews was a malignant seed.' And thereupon I saw the Macho Man marvel O'er him who was extended on the cross So vilely in eternal banishment. Then he directed to the Friar this voice: 'We're not lost, but if we were, Would you tell us if we were going wrong? 130/We're heading down this slope and it seems good, And the nacho man needs no directions, No map, but still, you'd let us know, right?' Then he made answer: 'Nearer than thou hopest There is a rock, that forth from the great circle Proceeds, and crosses all the cruel valleys, Save that at this 'tis broken, and does not bridge it; You will be able to mount up the ruin, That sidelong slopes and at the bottom rises.' The Leader stood awhile with head held high; 140/Then said: 'That guy's breath is the worst I think he ate too many salt and vinegar chips.' And the Friar: 'Many of the Devil's vices Once heard I at Bologna, and among them, That he's a liar and the father of lies.' Thereat my Leader with great strides went on, Somewhat disturbed with anger in his looks; Whence from the heavy-laden I departed After the prints of his beloved feet. !CANTO XXIV. In that part of the youthful year wherein The Sun his locks beneath Aquarius tempers, And now the nights draw near to half the day, What time the hoar-frost copies on the ground The outward semblance of her sister white, But little lasts the temper of her pen, The husbandman, whose forage faileth him, Rises, and looks, and seeth the champaign All gleaming white, whereat he beats his flank, 10/Returns in doors, and up and down laments, Like a poor wretch, who knows not what to do; Then he returns and hope revives again, Seeing the world has changed its countenance In little time, and takes his shepherd's crook, And forth the little lambs to pasture drives. Thus did the Master fill me with alarm, When I beheld his forehead so disturbed, And to the ailment came as soon the plaster. For as we came unto the ruined bridge, 20/The Leader turned to me with that sweet look Which at the mountain's foot I first beheld. His arms he opened, after some advisement Within himself elected, looking first Well at the ruin, and laid hold of me. And even as he who acts and meditates, For aye it seems that he provides beforehand, So upward lifting me towards the summit Of a huge rock, he scanned another crag, Saying: 'We've got to climb up there, 30/You first, see if it can hold our weight.' This was no way for one clothed with a cloak; For hardly we, he light, and I pushed upward, Were able to ascend from jag to jag. And had it not been, that upon that precinct Shorter was the ascent than on the other, He I know not, but I had been dead beat. But because Malebolge tow'rds the mouth Of the profoundest well is all inclining, The structure of each valley doth import 40/That one bank rises and the other sinks. Still we arrived at length upon the point Wherefrom the last stone breaks itself asunder. The breath was from my lungs so milked away, When I was up, that I could go no farther, Nay, I sat down upon my first arrival. 'Don't you fade on me now, pretty boy.' My Master said; 'Don't you know that Rest and relaxation makes you soft? As the kids say today, do you even lift? 50/You need to pump iron and run miles, Build your body up to a MACHO state. So get up off of the ground, slacker! Raise your spirits, act tough! Don't be a spineless slug, man! You're going to have to climb more stairs; This is just the beginning, let me tell you; If you hear me, then you'll prepare yourself.' Then I uprose, showing myself provided Better with breath than I did feel myself, 60/And said: 'Go on, for I am strong and bold.' Upward we took our way along the crag, Which jagged was, and narrow, and difficult, And more precipitous far than that before. Speaking I went, not to appear exhausted; Whereat a voice from the next moat came forth, Not well adapted to articulate words. I know not what it said, though o'er the back I now was of the arch that passes there; But he seemed moved to anger who was speaking. 70/I was bent downward, but my living eyes Could not attain the bottom, for the dark; Wherefore I: 'Master, see that thou arrive At the next round, and let us descend the wall; For as from hence I hear and understand not, So I look down and nothing I distinguish.' 'Don't talk,' he said, 'for a while, Seriously.  You fill the air with nose And not the type of madness that I love.' We from the bridge descended at its head, 80/Where it connects itself with the eighth bank, And then was manifest to me the Bolgia; And I beheld therein a terrible throng Of serpents, and of such a monstrous kind, That the remembrance still congeals my blood Let Libya boast no longer with her sand; For if Chelydri, Jaculi, and Phareae She breeds, with Cenchri and with Amphisbaena, Neither so many plagues nor so malignant E'er showed she with all Ethiopia, 90/Nor with whatever on the Red Sea is! Among this cruel and most dismal throng People were running naked and affrighted. Without the hope of hole or heliotrope. They had their hands with serpents bound behind them; These riveted upon their reins the tail And head, and were in front of them entwined. And lo! at one who was upon our side There darted forth a serpent, which transfixed him There where the neck is knotted to the shoulders. 100/Nor 'O' so quickly e'er, nor 'I' was written, As he took fire, and burned; and ashes wholly Behoved it that in falling he became. And when he on the ground was thus destroyed, The ashes drew together, and of themselves Into himself they instantly returned. Even thus by the great sages 'tis confessed The phoenix dies, and then is born again, When it approaches its five-hundredth year; On herb or grain it feeds not in its life, 110/But only on tears of incense and amomum, And nard and myrrh are its last winding-sheet. And as he is who falls, and knows not how, By force of demons who to earth down drag him, Or other oppilation that binds man, When he arises and around him looks, Wholly bewildered by the mighty anguish Which he has suffered, and in looking sighs; Such was that sinner after he had risen. Justice of God! O how severe it is, 120/That blows like these in vengeance poureth down! The Guide thereafter asked him who he was; Whence he replied: 'I rained from Tuscany A short time since into this cruel gorge. A bestial life, and not a human, pleased me, Even as the mule I was; I'm Vanni Fucci, Beast, and Pistoia was my worthy den.' And I unto the Guide: 'Tell him to stir not, And ask what crime has thrust him here below, For once a man of blood and wrath I saw him.' 130/And the sinner, who had heard, dissembled not, But unto me directed mind and face, And with a melancholy shame was painted. Then said: 'It pains me more that thou hast caught me Amid this misery where thou seest me, Than when I from the other life was taken. What thou demandest I cannot deny; So low am I put down because I robbed The sacristy of the fair ornaments, And falsely once 'twas laid upon another; 140/But that thou mayst not such a sight enjoy, If thou shalt e'er be out of the dark places, Thine ears to my announcement ope and hear: Pistoia first of Neri groweth meagre; Then Florence doth renew her men and manners; Mars draws a vapour up from Val di Magra, Which is with turbid clouds enveloped round, And with impetuous and bitter tempest Over Campo Picen shall be the battle; When it shall suddenly rend the mist asunder, 150/So that each Bianco shall thereby be smitten. And this I've said that it may give thee pain.' !CANTO XXV. At the conclusion of his words, the thief Lifted his hands aloft with both the figs, Crying: 'Take that, God, for at thee I aim them.' From that time forth the serpents were my friends; For one entwined itself about his neck As if it said: 'I will not thou speak more;' And round his arms another, and rebound him, Clinching itself together so in front, That with them he could not a motion make. 10/Pistoia, ah, Pistoia! why resolve not To burn thyself to ashes and so perish, Since in ill-doing thou thy seed excellest? Through all the sombre circles of this Hell, Spirit I saw not against God so proud, Not he who fell at Thebes down from the walls! He fled away, and spake no further word; And I beheld a Centaur full of rage Come crying out: 'Where is, where is the scoffer?' I do not think Maremma has so many 20/Serpents as he had all along his back, As far as where our countenance begins. Upon the shoulders, just behind the nape, With wings wide open was a dragon lying, And he sets fire to all that he encounters. My Master said: 'That guy is Cacus. It's said that when he was alive He created a lake of blood. METAL! He and his brothers are all here together Because they were thieves and brigands, 30/They stole some cows or sheep or something; They messed with the wrong guy it seems, Hercules beat them to death with a mace, It was pretty gnarly if I may say so.' While he was speaking thus, he had passed by, And spirits three had underneath us come, Of which nor I aware was, nor my Leader, Until what time they shouted: 'Who are you?' On which account our story made a halt, And then we were intent on them alone. 40/I did not know them; but it came to pass, As it is wont to happen by some chance, That one to name the other was compelled, Exclaiming: 'Where can Cianfa have remained?' Whence I, so that the Leader might attend, Upward from chin to nose my finger laid. If thou art, Reader, slow now to believe What I shall say, it will no marvel be, For I who saw it hardly can admit it. As I was holding raised on them my brows, 50/Behold! a serpent with six feet darts forth In front of one, and fastens wholly on him. With middle feet it bound him round the paunch, And with the forward ones his arms it seized; Then thrust its teeth through one cheek and the other; The hindermost it stretched upon his thighs, And put its tail through in between the two, And up behind along the reins outspread it. Ivy was never fastened by its barbs Unto a tree so, as this horrible reptile 60/Upon the other's limbs entwined its own. Then they stuck close, as if of heated wax They had been made, and intermixed their colour; Nor one nor other seemed now what he was; E'en as proceedeth on before the flame Upward along the paper a brown colour, Which is not black as yet, and the white dies. The other two looked on, and each of them Cried out: 'O me, Agnello, how thou changest! Behold, thou now art neither two nor one.' 70/Already the two heads had one become, When there appeared to us two figures mingled Into one face, wherein the two were lost. Of the four lists were fashioned the two arms, The thighs and legs, the belly and the chest Members became that never yet were seen. Every original aspect there was cancelled; Two and yet none did the perverted image Appear, and such departed with slow pace. Even as a lizard, under the great scourge 80/Of days canicular, exchanging hedge, Lightning appeareth if the road it cross; Thus did appear, coming towards the bellies Of the two others, a small fiery serpent, Livid and black as is a peppercorn. And in that part whereat is first received Our aliment, it one of them transfixed; Then downward fell in front of him extended. The one transfixed looked at it, but said naught; Nay, rather with feet motionless he yawned, 90/Just as if sleep or fever had assailed him. He at the serpent gazed, and it at him; One through the wound, the other through the mouth Smoked violently, and the smoke commingled. Henceforth be silent Lucan, where he mentions Wretched Sabellus and Nassidius, And wait to hear what now shall be shot forth. Be silent Ovid, of Cadmus and Arethusa; For if him to a snake, her to fountain, Converts he fabling, that I grudge him not; 100/Because two natures never front to front Has he transmuted, so that both the forms To interchange their matter ready were. Together they responded in such wise, That to a fork the serpent cleft his tail, And eke the wounded drew his feet together. The legs together with the thighs themselves Adhered so, that in little time the juncture No sign whatever made that was apparent. He with the cloven tail assumed the figure 110/The other one was losing, and his skin Became elastic, and the other's hard. I saw the arms draw inward at the armpits, And both feet of the reptile, that were short, Lengthen as much as those contracted were. Thereafter the hind feet, together twisted, Became the member that a man conceals, And of his own the wretch had two created. While both of them the exhalation veils With a new colour, and engenders hair 120/On one of them and depilates the other, The one uprose and down the other fell, Though turning not away their impious lamps, Underneath which each one his muzzle changed. He who was standing drew it tow'rds the temples, And from excess of matter, which came thither, Issued the ears from out the hollow cheeks; What did not backward run and was retained Of that excess made to the face a nose, And the lips thickened far as was befitting. 130/He who lay prostrate thrusts his muzzle forward, And backward draws the ears into his head, In the same manner as the snail its horns; And so the tongue, which was entire and apt For speech before, is cleft, and the bi-forked In the other closes up, and the smoke ceases. The soul, which to a reptile had been changed, Along the valley hissing takes to flight, And after him the other speaking sputters. Then did he turn upon him his new shoulders, 140/And said to the other: 'I'll have Buoso run, Crawling as I have done, along this road.' In this way I beheld the seventh ballast Shift and reshift, and here be my excuse The novelty, if aught my pen transgress. And notwithstanding that mine eyes might be Somewhat bewildered, and my mind dismayed, They could not flee away so secretly But that I plainly saw Puccio Sciancato; And he it was who sole of three companions, 150/Which came in the beginning, was not changed; The other was he whom thou, Gaville, weepest. !CANTO XXVI. Rejoice, O Florence, since thou art so great, That over sea and land thou beatest thy wings, And throughout Hell thy name is spread abroad! Among the thieves five citizens of thine Like these I found, whence shame comes unto me, And thou thereby to no great honour risest. But if when morn is near our dreams are true, Feel shalt thou in a little time from now What Prato, if none other, craves for thee. 10/And if it now were, it were not too soon; Would that it were, seeing it needs must be, For 'twill aggrieve me more the more I age. We went our way, and up along the stairs The bourns had made us to descend before, Remounted my Conductor and drew me. And following the solitary path Among the rocks and ridges of the crag, The foot without the hand sped not at all. Then sorrowed I, and sorrow now again, 20/When I direct my mind to what I saw, And more my genius curb than I am wont, That it may run not unless virtue guide it; So that if some good star, or better thing, Have given me good, I may myself not grudge it. As many as the hind (who on the hill Rests at the time when he who lights the world His countenance keeps least concealed from us, While as the fly gives place unto the gnat) Seeth the glow-worms down along the valley, 30/Perchance there where he ploughs and makes his vintage; With flames as manifold resplendent all Was the eighth Bolgia, as I grew aware As soon as I was where the depth appeared. And such as he who with the bears avenged him Beheld Elijah's chariot at departing, What time the steeds to heaven erect uprose, For with his eye he could not follow it So as to see aught else than flame alone, Even as a little cloud ascending upward, 40/Thus each along the gorge of the intrenchment Was moving; for not one reveals the theft, And every flame a sinner steals away. I stood upon the bridge uprisen to see, So that, if I had seized not on a rock, Down had I fallen without being pushed. And the Leader, who beheld me so attent, Exclaimed: 'They're all in the fire there; They bathe in the fire even though it burns.' 'My Master,' I replied, 'by hearing thee 50/I am more sure; but I surmised already It might be so, and already wished to ask thee Who is within that fire, which comes so cleft At top, it seems uprising from the pyre Where was Eteocles with his brother placed.' He answered me: 'Some pretty famous guys: Ulysses and Diomed, the Greek heroes You probably read about them in high school. It turns out that making the Trojan Horse Was weirdly interpreted as a sort of lie 60/And so they get to burn in Hell. Oops. I suspect this plot point has to do With the fact that Dante was Italian, So he felt bad about Troy getting sacked.' 'If they within those sparks possess the power To speak,' I said, 'thee, Master, much I pray, And re-pray, that the prayer be worth a thousand, That thou make no denial of awaiting Until the horned flame shall hither come; Thou seest that with desire I lean towards it.' 70/And he to me: 'Hey, now you're getting it, Good on you kid, that's the spirit now; But hold your tongue for one macho minute. Let me talk for a bit, because I think I know What you want to hear about, and why that is. I've been around long enough to guess.' When now the flame had come unto that point, Where to my Leader it seemed time and place, After this fashion did I hear him speak: 'Wubba wubba, magical fire!  Tell me! 80/I, the Macho Man, demand of you! Reveal your secrets!  Tell us stories! Wumbo wumbo, magical fire!  Tell me! If you don't help me out right now I will dump water on you! Beware!' Then of the antique flame the greater horn, Murmuring, began to wave itself about Even as a flame doth which the wind fatigues. Thereafterward, the summit to and fro Moving as if it were the tongue that spake, 90/It uttered forth a voice, and said: 'When I From Circe had departed, who concealed me More than a year there near unto Gaeta, Or ever yet Aeneas named it so, Nor fondness for my son, nor reverence For my old father, nor the due affection Which joyous should have made Penelope, Could overcome within me the desire I had to be experienced of the world, And of the vice and virtue of mankind; 100/But I put forth on the high open sea With one sole ship, and that small company By which I never had deserted been. Both of the shores I saw as far as Spain, Far as Morocco, and the isle of Sardes, And the others which that sea bathes round about. I and my company were old and slow When at that narrow passage we arrived Where Hercules his landmarks set as signals, That man no farther onward should adventure. 110/On the right hand behind me left I Seville, And on the other already had left Ceuta. 'O brothers, who amid a hundred thousand Perils,' I said, 'have come unto the West, To this so inconsiderable vigil Which is remaining of your senses still Be ye unwilling to deny the knowledge, Following the sun, of the unpeopled world. Consider ye the seed from which ye sprang; Ye were not made to live like unto brutes, 120/But for pursuit of virtue and of knowledge.' So eager did I render my companions, With this brief exhortation, for the voyage, That then I hardly could have held them back. And having turned our stern unto the morning, We of the oars made wings for our mad flight, Evermore gaining on the larboard side. Already all the stars of the other pole The night beheld, and ours so very low It did not rise above the ocean floor. 130/Five times rekindled and as many quenched Had been the splendour underneath the moon, Since we had entered into the deep pass, When there appeared to us a mountain, dim From distance, and it seemed to me so high As I had never any one beheld. Joyful were we, and soon it turned to weeping; For out of the new land a whirlwind rose, And smote upon the fore part of the ship. Three times it made her whirl with all the waters, 140/At the fourth time it made the stern uplift, And the prow downward go, as pleased Another, Until the sea above us closed again.' !CANTO XXVII. Already was the flame erect and quiet, To speak no more, and now departed from us With the permission of the gentle Poet; When yet another, which behind it came, Caused us to turn our eyes upon its top By a confused sound that issued from it. As the Sicilian bull (that bellowed first With the lament of him, and that was right, Who with his file had modulated it) 10/Bellowed so with the voice of the afflicted, That, notwithstanding it was made of brass, Still it appeared with agony transfixed; Thus, by not having any way or issue At first from out the fire, to its own language Converted were the melancholy words. But afterwards, when they had gathered way Up through the point, giving it that vibration The tongue had given them in their passage out, We heard it said: 'O thou, at whom I aim 20/My voice, and who but now wast speaking Lombard, Saying, 'Now go thy way, no more I urge thee,' Because I come perchance a little late, To stay and speak with me let it not irk thee; Thou seest it irks not me, and I am burning. If thou but lately into this blind world Hast fallen down from that sweet Latian land, Wherefrom I bring the whole of my transgression, Say, if the Romagnuols have peace or war, For I was from the mountains there between 30/Urbino and the yoke whence Tiber bursts.' I still was downward bent and listening, When my Conductor touched me on the side, Saying: 'This one is Italian like you.' And I, who had beforehand my reply In readiness, forthwith began to speak: 'O soul, that down below there art concealed, Romagna thine is not and never has been Without war in the bosom of its tyrants; But open war I none have left there now. 40/Ravenna stands as it long years has stood; The Eagle of Polenta there is brooding, So that she covers Cervia with her vans. The city which once made the long resistance, And of the French a sanguinary heap, Beneath the Green Paws finds itself again; Verrucchio's ancient Mastiff and the new, Who made such bad disposal of Montagna, Where they are wont make wimbles of their teeth. The cities of Lamone and Santerno 50/Governs the Lioncel of the white lair, Who changes sides 'twixt summer-time and winter; And that of which the Savio bathes the flank, Even as it lies between the plain and mountain, Lives between tyranny and a free state. Now I entreat thee tell us who thou art; Be not more stubborn than the rest have been, So may thy name hold front there in the world.' After the fire a little more had roared In its own fashion, the sharp point it moved 60/This way and that, and then gave forth such breath: 'If I believed that my reply were made To one who to the world would e'er return, This flame without more flickering would stand still; But inasmuch as never from this depth Did any one return, if I hear true, Without the fear of infamy I answer, I was a man of arms, then Cordelier, Believing thus begirt to make amends; And truly my belief had been fulfilled 70/But for the High Priest, whom may ill betide, Who put me back into my former sins; And how and wherefore I will have thee hear. While I was still the form of bone and pulp My mother gave to me, the deeds I did Were not those of a lion, but a fox. The machinations and the covert ways I knew them all, and practised so their craft, That to the ends of earth the sound went forth. When now unto that portion of mine age 80/I saw myself arrived, when each one ought To lower the sails, and coil away the ropes, That which before had pleased me then displeased me; And penitent and confessing I surrendered, Ah woe is me! and it would have bestead me; The Leader of the modern Pharisees Having a war near unto Lateran, And not with Saracens nor with the Jews, For each one of his enemies was Christian, And none of them had been to conquer Acre, 90/Nor merchandising in the Sultan's land, Nor the high office, nor the sacred orders, In him regarded, nor in me that cord Which used to make those girt with it more meagre; But even as Constantine sought out Sylvester To cure his leprosy, within Soracte, So this one sought me out as an adept To cure him of the fever of his pride. Counsel he asked of me, and I was silent, Because his words appeared inebriate. 100/And then he said: 'Be not thy heart afraid; Henceforth I thee absolve; and thou instruct me How to raze Palestrina to the ground. Heaven have I power to lock and to unlock, As thou dost know; therefore the keys are two, The which my predecessor held not dear.' Then urged me on his weighty arguments There, where my silence was the worst advice; And said I: 'Father, since thou washest me Of that sin into which I now must fall, 110/The promise long with the fulfilment short Will make thee triumph in thy lofty seat.' Francis came afterward, when I was dead, For me; but one of the black Cherubim Said to him: 'Take him not; do me no wrong; He must come down among my servitors, Because he gave the fraudulent advice From which time forth I have been at his hair; For who repents not cannot be absolved, Nor can one both repent and will at once, 120/Because of the contradiction which consents not.' O miserable me! how I did shudder When he seized on me, saying: 'Peradventure Thou didst not think that I was a logician!' He bore me unto Minos, who entwined Eight times his tail about his stubborn back, And after he had bitten it in great rage, Said: 'Of the thievish fire a culprit this;' Wherefore, here where thou seest, am I lost, And vested thus in going I bemoan me.' 130/When it had thus completed its recital, The flame departed uttering lamentations, Writhing and flapping its sharp-pointed horn. Onward we passed, both I and my Conductor, Up o'er the crag above another arch, Which the moat covers, where is paid the fee By those who, sowing discord, win their burden. !CANTO XXVIII. Who ever could, e'en with untrammelled words, Tell of the blood and of the wounds in full Which now I saw, by many times narrating? Each tongue would for a certainty fall short By reason of our speech and memory, That have small room to comprehend so much. If were again assembled all the people Which formerly upon the fateful land Of Puglia were lamenting for their blood 10/Shed by the Romans and the lingering war That of the rings made such illustrious spoils, As Livy has recorded, who errs not, With those who felt the agony of blows By making counterstand to Robert Guiscard, And all the rest, whose bones are gathered still At Ceperano, where a renegade Was each Apulian, and at Tagliacozzo, Where without arms the old Alardo conquered, And one his limb transpierced, and one lopped off, 20/Should show, it would be nothing to compare With the disgusting mode of the ninth Bolgia. A cask by losing centre-piece or cant Was never shattered so, as I saw one Rent from the chin to where one breaketh wind. Between his legs were hanging down his entrails; His heart was visible, and the dismal sack That maketh excrement of what is eaten. While I was all absorbed in seeing him, He looked at me, and opened with his hands 30/His bosom, saying: 'See now how I rend me; How mutilated, see, is Mahomet; In front of me doth Ali weeping go, Cleft in the face from forelock unto chin; And all the others whom thou here beholdest, Disseminators of scandal and of schism While living were, and therefore are cleft thus. A devil is behind here, who doth cleave us Thus cruelly, unto the falchion's edge Putting again each one of all this ream, 40/When we have gone around the doleful road; By reason that our wounds are closed again Ere any one in front of him repass. But who art thou, that musest on the crag, Perchance to postpone going to the pain That is adjudged upon thine accusations?' 'He's not dead yet, and he's not a sinner,' My Master made reply, 'here for punishment; He's just here for the sightseeing. I, on the other hand, am dead, his guide. 50/I'm showing him the ropes of the place; Because God asked me to do this favor.' More than a hundred were there when they heard him, Who in the moat stood still to look at me, Through wonderment oblivious of their torture. 'Now say to Fra Dolcino, then, to arm him, Thou, who perhaps wilt shortly see the sun, If soon he wish not here to follow me, So with provisions, that no stress of snow May give the victory to the Novarese, 60/Which otherwise to gain would not be easy.' After one foot to go away he lifted, This word did Mahomet say unto me, Then to depart upon the ground he stretched it. Another one, who had his throat pierced through, And nose cut off close underneath the brows, And had no longer but a single ear, Staying to look in wonder with the others, Before the others did his gullet open, Which outwardly was red in every part, 70/And said: 'O thou, whom guilt doth not condemn, And whom I once saw up in Latian land, Unless too great similitude deceive me, Call to remembrance Pier da Medicina, If e'er thou see again the lovely plain That from Vercelli slopes to Marcabo, And make it known to the best two of Fano, To Messer Guido and Angiolello likewise, That if foreseeing here be not in vain, Cast over from their vessel shall they be, 80/And drowned near unto the Cattolica, By the betrayal of a tyrant fell. Between the isles of Cyprus and Majorca Neptune ne'er yet beheld so great a crime, Neither of pirates nor Argolic people. That traitor, who sees only with one eye, And holds the land, which some one here with me Would fain be fasting from the vision of, Will make them come unto a parley with him; Then will do so, that to Focara's wind 90/They will not stand in need of vow or prayer.' And I to him: 'Show to me and declare, If thou wouldst have me bear up news of thee, Who is this person of the bitter vision.' Then did he lay his hand upon the jaw Of one of his companions, and his mouth Oped, crying: 'This is he, and he speaks not. This one, being banished, every doubt submerged In Caesar by affirming the forearmed Always with detriment allowed delay.' 100/O how bewildered unto me appeared, With tongue asunder in his windpipe slit, Curio, who in speaking was so bold! And one, who both his hands dissevered had, The stumps uplifting through the murky air, So that the blood made horrible his face, Cried out: 'Thou shalt remember Mosca also, Who said, alas! 'A thing done has an end!' Which was an ill seed for the Tuscan people.' 'And death unto thy race,' thereto I added; 110/Whence he, accumulating woe on woe, Departed, like a person sad and crazed. But I remained to look upon the crowd; And saw a thing which I should be afraid, Without some further proof, even to recount, If it were not that conscience reassures me, That good companion which emboldens man Beneath the hauberk of its feeling pure. I truly saw, and still I seem to see it, A trunk without a head walk in like manner 120/As walked the others of the mournful herd. And by the hair it held the head dissevered, Hung from the hand in fashion of a lantern, And that upon us gazed and said: 'O me!' It of itself made to itself a lamp, And they were two in one, and one in two; How that can be, He knows who so ordains it. When it was come close to the bridge's foot, It lifted high its arm with all the head, To bring more closely unto us its words, 130/Which were: 'Behold now the sore penalty, Thou, who dost breathing go the dead beholding; Behold if any be as great as this. And so that thou may carry news of me, Know that Bertram de Born am I, the same Who gave to the Young King the evil comfort. I made the father and the son rebellious; Achitophel not more with Absalom And David did with his accursed goadings. Because I parted persons so united, 140/Parted do I now bear my brain, alas! From its beginning, which is in this trunk. Thus is observed in me the counterpoise.' !CANTO XXIX. The many people and the divers wounds These eyes of mine had so inebriated, That they were wishful to stand still and weep; But said Randius: 'What are you still looking at? What is there possibly of interest Down in the writhing ghost-men? You never stared like this before now; We still have a long road to walk, Twenty-two miles yet to go! Hurry! 10/It's already past midnright! See the moon? We have only a short amount of time left, So come on buckaroo, we gotta jet.' 'If thou hadst,' I made answer thereupon, 'Attended to the cause for which I looked, Perhaps a longer stay thou wouldst have pardoned.' Meanwhile my Guide departed, and behind him I went, already making my reply, And superadding: 'In that cavern where I held mine eyes with such attention fixed, 20/I think a spirit of my blood laments The sin which down below there costs so much.' Then said the Master: 'Don't think about it. Keep your eyes on the prize and move on; He isn't going anywhere, and you are; That is one of the advantages of being alive, You get to go to other places than this one And don't have to be stuck in one location. Just think of the places you could go! Albania, Morocco, Thailand, Space. Space! 30/You could go to Space!  Space is the place.' 'O my Conductor, his own violent death, Which is not yet avenged for him,' I said, 'By any who is sharer in the shame, Made him disdainful; whence he went away, As I imagine, without speaking to me, And thereby made me pity him the more.' Thus did we speak as far as the first place Upon the crag, which the next valley shows Down to the bottom, if there were more light. 40/When we were now right over the last cloister Of Malebolge, so that its lay-brothers Could manifest themselves unto our sight, Divers lamentings pierced me through and through, Which with compassion had their arrows barbed, Whereat mine ears I covered with my hands. What pain would be, if from the hospitals Of Valdichiana, 'twixt July and September, And of Maremma and Sardinia All the diseases in one moat were gathered, 50/Such was it here, and such a stench came from it As from putrescent limbs is wont to issue. We had descended on the furthest bank From the long crag, upon the left hand still, And then more vivid was my power of sight Down tow'rds the bottom, where the ministress Of the high Lord, Justice infallible, Punishes forgers, which she here records. I do not think a sadder sight to see Was in Aegina the whole people sick, 60/(When was the air so full of pestilence, The animals, down to the little worm, All fell, and afterwards the ancient people, According as the poets have affirmed, Were from the seed of ants restored again,) Than was it to behold through that dark valley The spirits languishing in divers heaps. This on the belly, that upon the back One of the other lay, and others crawling Shifted themselves along the dismal road. 70/We step by step went onward without speech, Gazing upon and listening to the sick Who had not strength enough to lift their bodies. I saw two sitting leaned against each other, As leans in heating platter against platter, From head to foot bespotted o'er with scabs; And never saw I plied a currycomb By stable-boy for whom his master waits, Or him who keeps awake unwillingly, As every one was plying fast the bite 80/Of nails upon himself, for the great rage Of itching which no other succour had. And the nails downward with them dragged the scab, In fashion as a knife the scales of bream, Or any other fish that has them largest. 'Hey you!  Yeah, yous with the fingers,' Began my Leader unto one of them, 'The finger-guys who pinch sometimes, Are any of you Italians by chance? My buddy here likes talking to Italians, 90/Not that he's racist or anything.' 'Latians are we, whom thou so wasted seest, Both of us here,' one weeping made reply; 'But who art thou, that questionest about us?' And said the Guide: 'I am the Macho Man! With boldness I leap from cliff to cliff, And I intend to show Hell to this guy.' Then broken was their mutual support, And trembling each one turned himself to me, With others who had heard him by rebound. 100/Wholly to me did the good Master gather, Saying: 'Now you can talk to them.' And I began, since he would have it so: 'So may your memory not steal away In the first world from out the minds of men, But so may it survive 'neath many suns, Say to me who ye are, and of what people; Let not your foul and loathsome punishment Make you afraid to show yourselves to me.' 'I of Arezzo was,' one made reply, 110/'And Albert of Siena had me burned; But what I died for does not bring me here. 'Tis true I said to him, speaking in jest, That I could rise by flight into the air, And he who had conceit, but little wit, Would have me show to him the art; and only Because no Daedalus I made him, made me Be burned by one who held him as his son. But unto the last Bolgia of the ten, For alchemy, which in the world I practised, 120/Minos, who cannot err, has me condemned.' And to the Poet said I: 'Now was ever So vain a people as the Sienese? Not for a certainty the French by far.' Whereat the other leper, who had heard me, Replied unto my speech: 'Taking out Stricca, Who knew the art of moderate expenses, And Niccolo, who the luxurious use Of cloves discovered earliest of all Within that garden where such seed takes root; 130/And taking out the band, among whom squandered Caccia d'Ascian his vineyards and vast woods, And where his wit the Abbagliato proffered! But, that thou know who thus doth second thee Against the Sienese, make sharp thine eye Tow'rds me, so that my face well answer thee, And thou shalt see I am Capocchio's shade, Who metals falsified by alchemy; Thou must remember, if I well descry thee, How I a skilful ape of nature was.' !CANTO XXX. 'Twas at the time when Juno was enraged, For Semele, against the Theban blood, As she already more than once had shown, So reft of reason Athamas became, That, seeing his own wife with children twain Walking encumbered upon either hand, He cried: 'Spread out the nets, that I may take The lioness and her whelps upon the passage;' And then extended his unpitying claws, 10/Seizing the first, who had the name Learchus, And whirled him round, and dashed him on a rock; And she, with the other burthen, drowned herself;-- And at the time when fortune downward hurled The Trojan's arrogance, that all things dared, So that the king was with his kingdom crushed, Hecuba sad, disconsolate, and captive, When lifeless she beheld Polyxena, And of her Polydorus on the shore Of ocean was the dolorous one aware, 20/Out of her senses like a dog she barked, So much the anguish had her mind distorted; But not of Thebes the furies nor the Trojan Were ever seen in any one so cruel In goading beasts, and much more human members, As I beheld two shadows pale and naked, Who, biting, in the manner ran along That a boar does, when from the sty turned loose. One to Capocchio came, and by the nape Seized with its teeth his neck, so that in dragging 30/It made his belly grate the solid bottom. And the Aretine, who trembling had remained, Said to me: 'That mad sprite is Gianni Schicchi, And raving goes thus harrying other people.' 'O,' said I to him, 'so may not the other Set teeth on thee, let it not weary thee To tell us who it is, ere it dart hence.' And he to me: 'That is the ancient ghost Of the nefarious Myrrha, who became Beyond all rightful love her father's lover. 40/She came to sin with him after this manner, By counterfeiting of another's form; As he who goeth yonder undertook, That he might gain the lady of the herd, To counterfeit in himself Buoso Donati, Making a will and giving it due form.' And after the two maniacs had passed On whom I held mine eye, I turned it back To look upon the other evil-born. I saw one made in fashion of a lute, 50/If he had only had the groin cut off Just at the point at which a man is forked. The heavy dropsy, that so disproportions The limbs with humours, which it ill concocts, That the face corresponds not to the belly, Compelled him so to hold his lips apart As does the hectic, who because of thirst One tow'rds the chin, the other upward turns. 'O ye, who without any torment are, And why I know not, in the world of woe,' 60/He said to us, 'behold, and be attentive Unto the misery of Master Adam; I had while living much of what I wished, And now, alas! a drop of water crave. The rivulets, that from the verdant hills Of Cassentin descend down into Arno, Making their channels to be cold and moist, Ever before me stand, and not in vain; For far more doth their image dry me up Than the disease which strips my face of flesh. 70/The rigid justice that chastises me Draweth occasion from the place in which I sinned, to put the more my sighs in flight. There is Romena, where I counterfeited The currency imprinted with the Baptist, For which I left my body burned above. But if I here could see the tristful soul Of Guido, or Alessandro, or their brother, For Branda's fount I would not give the sight. One is within already, if the raving 80/Shades that are going round about speak truth; But what avails it me, whose limbs are tied? If I were only still so light, that in A hundred years I could advance one inch, I had already started on the way, Seeking him out among this squalid folk, Although the circuit be eleven miles, And be not less than half a mile across. For them am I in such a family; They did induce me into coining florins, 90/Which had three carats of impurity.' And I to him: 'Who are the two poor wretches That smoke like unto a wet hand in winter, Lying there close upon thy right-hand confines?' 'I found them here,' replied he, 'when I rained Into this chasm, and since they have not turned, Nor do I think they will for evermore. One the false woman is who accused Joseph, The other the false Sinon, Greek of Troy; From acute fever they send forth such reek.' 100/And one of them, who felt himself annoyed At being, peradventure, named so darkly, Smote with the fist upon his hardened paunch. It gave a sound, as if it were a drum; And Master Adam smote him in the face, With arm that did not seem to be less hard, Saying to him: 'Although be taken from me All motion, for my limbs that heavy are, I have an arm unfettered for such need.' Whereat he answer made: 'When thou didst go 110/Unto the fire, thou hadst it not so ready: But hadst it so and more when thou wast coining.' The dropsical: 'Thou sayest true in that; But thou wast not so true a witness there, Where thou wast questioned of the truth at Troy.' 'If I spake false, thou falsifiedst the coin,' Said Sinon; 'and for one fault I am here, And thou for more than any other demon.' 'Remember, perjurer, about the horse,' He made reply who had the swollen belly, 120/'And rueful be it thee the whole world knows it.' 'Rueful to thee the thirst be wherewith cracks Thy tongue,' the Greek said, 'and the putrid water That hedges so thy paunch before thine eyes.' Then the false-coiner: 'So is gaping wide Thy mouth for speaking evil, as 'tis wont; Because if I have thirst, and humour stuff me Thou hast the burning and the head that aches, And to lick up the mirror of Narcissus Thou wouldst not want words many to invite thee.' 130/In listening to them was I wholly fixed, When said the Master to me: 'Just look, Don't speak, or I'll get mad at you.' When him I heard in anger speak to me, I turned me round towards him with such shame That still it eddies through my memory. And as he is who dreams of his own harm, Who dreaming wishes it may be a dream, So that he craves what is, as if it were not; Such I became, not having power to speak, 140/For to excuse myself I wished, and still Excused myself, and did not think I did it. 'People have felt less bad over worse sins,' The Master said, 'than you have committed; So don't beat yourself up about it, Remember that the Macho Man is beside you, And that while we are together all is well Take this knowledge and with it be secure; And in the future ignore boring gossipheads.' !CANTO XXXI. One and the selfsame tongue first wounded me, So that it tinged the one cheek and the other, And then held out to me the medicine; Thus do I hear that once Achilles' spear, His and his father's, used to be the cause First of a sad and then a gracious boon. We turned our backs upon the wretched valley, Upon the bank that girds it round about, Going across it without any speech. 10/There it was less than night, and less than day, So that my sight went little in advance; But I could hear the blare of a loud horn, So loud it would have made each thunder faint, Which, counter to it following its way, Mine eyes directed wholly to one place. After the dolorous discomfiture When Charlemagne the holy emprise lost, So terribly Orlando sounded not. Short while my head turned thitherward I held 20/When many lofty towers I seemed to see, Whereat I: 'Master, say, what town is this?' And he to me: 'You're looking far ahead Into what is deep and black darkness, I think you don't know what you see. When we get there you will find out, How wrong you are about what you see; So I'll say yet again: keep moving.' Then tenderly he took me by the hand, And said: 'Before we go any further, 30/To prep you for what is coming up, I'm going to tell you right now what to expect, Those things are giants yo, not towers. They're huge.  Don't mess with them.' As, when the fog is vanishing away, Little by little doth the sight refigure Whate'er the mist that crowds the air conceals, So, piercing through the dense and darksome air, More and more near approaching tow'rd the verge, My error fled, and fear came over me; 40/Because as on its circular parapets Montereggione crowns itself with towers, E'en thus the margin which surrounds the well With one half of their bodies turreted The horrible giants, whom Jove menaces E'en now from out the heavens when he thunders. And I of one already saw the face, Shoulders, and breast, and great part of the belly, And down along his sides both of the arms. Certainly Nature, when she left the making 50/Of animals like these, did well indeed, By taking such executors from Mars; And if of elephants and whales she doth not Repent her, whosoever looketh subtly More just and more discreet will hold her for it; For where the argument of intellect Is added unto evil will and power, No rampart can the people make against it. His face appeared to me as long and large As is at Rome the pine-cone of Saint Peter's, 60/And in proportion were the other bones; So that the margin, which an apron was Down from the middle, showed so much of him Above it, that to reach up to his hair Three Frieslanders in vain had vaunted them; For I beheld thirty great palms of him Down from the place where man his mantle buckles. 'Raphael mai amech izabi almi,' Began to clamour the ferocious mouth, To which were not befitting sweeter psalms. 70/And unto him my Guide: 'Idiot soul, Get away from us and blow your horn, Whenever you are feeling out of sorts. It's hanging around your neck, you fool I know you're too stupid to remember this, But if you look down you'll surely find it.' Then said to me: 'This guy is The Worst; His name is Nimrod and he lives up to it. He barely is able to understand words. Don't bother talking to him, it's pointless; 80/He will probably just get mad and confused That's what always happens. I would know.' Therefore a longer journey did we make, Turned to the left, and a crossbow-shot oft We found another far more fierce and large. In binding him, who might the master be I cannot say; but he had pinioned close Behind the right arm, and in front the other, With chains, that held him so begirt about From the neck down, that on the part uncovered 90/It wound itself as far as the fifth gyre. 'This cocky fellow decided to pick a fight And pit his own strength against Jupiter,' My Leader said, 'the God, not the planet. Ephialtes is his name; and he was strong. But not strong enough to defeat Zeus; So now he's chained here like a sucker.' And I to him: 'If possible, I should wish That of the measureless Briareus These eyes of mine might have experience.' 100/Whence he replied: 'You'll get to see Antaeus He's close by and free to speak with us, Lucky for him he never was chained up. Further past him is the one you mentioned, He is bound, much like Ephialtes here, Except Briareus is way more fearsome.' There never was an earthquake of such might That it could shake a tower so violently, As Ephialtes suddenly shook himself. Then was I more afraid of death than ever, 110/For nothing more was needful than the fear, If I had not beheld the manacles. Then we proceeded farther in advance, And to Antaeus came, who, full five ells Without the head, forth issued from the cavern. 'Hey Antaeus buddy, long time no see! How's it going down here?  Still sucky? That's a shame. Look, this here is Dante. I'm guiding his sorry rear through Hell, And we need a little bit of help from you. 120/Do you think you could lend us a hand? It would take us a long time of traveling Whereas if you could grap and pick us up, We could make some really excellent time. Don't forget that you owe me Antaeus, I never collected on last month's poker game; And if you do this for us I'll call us square. Plus there's something in it for you as well; This guy is alive; when he goes back to Earth, He'll totally tell everybody how cool you are.' 130/So said the Master; and in haste the other His hands extended and took up my Guide,-- Hands whose great pressure Hercules once felt. Virgilius, when he felt himself embraced, Said unto me: 'Come on buddy, grab my hand;' Then of himself and me one bundle made. As seems the Carisenda, to behold Beneath the leaning side, when goes a cloud Above it so that opposite it hangs; Such did Antaeus seem to me, who stood 140/Watching to see him stoop, and then it was I could have wished to go some other way. But lightly in the abyss, which swallows up Judas with Lucifer, he put us down; Nor thus bowed downward made he there delay, But, as a mast does in a ship, uprose. !CANTO XXXII. If I had rhymes both rough and stridulous, As were appropriate to the dismal hole Down upon which thrust all the other rocks, I would press out the juice of my conception More fully; but because I have them not, Not without fear I bring myself to speak; For 'tis no enterprise to take in jest, To sketch the bottom of all the universe, Nor for a tongue that cries Mamma and Babbo. 10/But may those Ladies help this verse of mine, Who helped Amphion in enclosing Thebes, That from the fact the word be not diverse. O rabble ill-begotten above all, Who're in the place to speak of which is hard, 'Twere better ye had here been sheep or goats! When we were down within the darksome well, Beneath the giant's feet, but lower far, And I was scanning still the lofty wall, I heard it said to me: 'Look how thou steppest! 20/Take heed thou do not trample with thy feet The heads of the tired, miserable brothers!' Whereat I turned me round, and saw before me And underfoot a lake, that from the frost The semblance had of glass, and not of water. So thick a veil ne'er made upon its current In winter-time Danube in Austria, Nor there beneath the frigid sky the Don, As there was here; so that if Tambernich Had fallen upon it, or Pietrapana, 30/E'en at the edge 'twould not have given a creak. And as to croak the frog doth place himself With muzzle out of water,--when is dreaming Of gleaning oftentimes the peasant-girl,-- Livid, as far down as where shame appears, Were the disconsolate shades within the ice, Setting their teeth unto the note of storks. Each one his countenance held downward bent; From mouth the cold, from eyes the doleful heart Among them witness of itself procures. 40/When round about me somewhat I had looked, I downward turned me, and saw two so close, The hair upon their heads together mingled. 'Ye who so strain your breasts together, tell me,' I said, 'who are you;' and they bent their necks, And when to me their faces they had lifted, Their eyes, which first were only moist within, Gushed o'er the eyelids, and the frost congealed The tears between, and locked them up again. Clamp never bound together wood with wood 50/So strongly; whereat they, like two he-goats, Butted together, so much wrath o'ercame them. And one, who had by reason of the cold Lost both his ears, still with his visage downward, Said: 'Why dost thou so mirror thyself in us? If thou desire to know who these two are, The valley whence Bisenzio descends Belonged to them and to their father Albert. They from one body came, and all Caina Thou shalt search through, and shalt not find a shade 60/More worthy to be fixed in gelatine; Not he in whom were broken breast and shadow At one and the same blow by Arthur's hand; Focaccia not; not he who me encumbers So with his head I see no farther forward, And bore the name of Sassol Mascheroni; Well knowest thou who he was, if thou art Tuscan. And that thou put me not to further speech, Know that I Camicion de' Pazzi was, And wait Carlino to exonerate me.' 70/Then I beheld a thousand faces, made Purple with cold; whence o'er me comes a shudder, And evermore will come, at frozen ponds. And while we were advancing tow'rds the middle, Where everything of weight unites together, And I was shivering in the eternal shade, Whether 'twere will, or destiny, or chance, I know not; but in walking 'mong the heads I struck my foot hard in the face of one. Weeping he growled: 'Why dost thou trample me? 80/Unless thou comest to increase the vengeance of Montaperti, why dost thou molest me?' And I: 'My Master, now wait here for me, That I through him may issue from a doubt; Then thou mayst hurry me, as thou shalt wish.' The Leader stopped; and to that one I said Who was blaspheming vehemently still: 'Who art thou, that thus reprehendest others?' 'Now who art thou, that goest through Antenora Smiting,' replied he, 'other people's cheeks, 90/So that, if thou wert living, 'twere too much?' 'Living I am, and dear to thee it may be,' Was my response, 'if thou demandest fame, That 'mid the other notes thy name I place.' And he to me: 'For the reverse I long; Take thyself hence, and give me no more trouble; For ill thou knowest to flatter in this hollow.' Then by the scalp behind I seized upon him, And said: 'It must needs be thou name thyself, Or not a hair remain upon thee here.' 100/Whence he to me: 'Though thou strip off my hair, I will not tell thee who I am, nor show thee, If on my head a thousand times thou fall.' I had his hair in hand already twisted, And more than one shock of it had pulled out, He barking, with his eyes held firmly down, When cried another: 'What doth ail thee, Bocca? Is't not enough to clatter with thy jaws, But thou must bark? what devil touches thee?' 'Now,' said I, 'I care not to have thee speak, 110/Accursed traitor; for unto thy shame I will report of thee veracious news.' 'Begone,' replied he, 'and tell what thou wilt, But be not silent, if thou issue hence, Of him who had just now his tongue so prompt; He weepeth here the silver of the French; 'I saw,' thus canst thou phrase it, 'him of Duera There where the sinners stand out in the cold.' If thou shouldst questioned be who else was there, Thou hast beside thee him of Beccaria, 120/Of whom the gorget Florence slit asunder; Gianni del Soldanier, I think, may be Yonder with Ganellon, and Tebaldello Who oped Faenza when the people slep.' Already we had gone away from him, When I beheld two frozen in one hole, So that one head a hood was to the other; And even as bread through hunger is devoured, The uppermost on the other set his teeth, There where the brain is to the nape united. 130/Not in another fashion Tydeus gnawed The temples of Menalippus in disdain, Than that one did the skull and the other things. 'O thou, who showest by such bestial sign Thy hatred against him whom thou art eating, Tell me the wherefore,' said I, 'with this compact, That if thou rightfully of him complain, In knowing who ye are, and his transgression, I in the world above repay thee for it, If that wherewith I speak be not dried up.' !CANTO XXXIII. His mouth uplifted from his grim repast, That sinner, wiping it upon the hair Of the same head that he behind had wasted. Then he began: 'Thou wilt that I renew The desperate grief, which wrings my heart already To think of only, ere I speak of it; But if my words be seed that may bear fruit Of infamy to the traitor whom I gnaw, Speaking and weeping shalt thou see together. 10/I know not who thou art, nor by what mode Thou hast come down here; but a Florentine Thou seemest to me truly, when I hear thee. Thou hast to know I was Count Ugolino, And this one was Ruggieri the Archbishop; Now I will tell thee why I am such a neighbour. That, by effect of his malicious thoughts, Trusting in him I was made prisoner, And after put to death, I need not say; But ne'ertheless what thou canst not have heard, 20/That is to say, how cruel was my death, Hear shalt thou, and shalt know if he has wronged me. A narrow perforation in the mew, Which bears because of me the title of Famine, And in which others still must be locked up, Had shown me through its opening many moons Already, when I dreamed the evil dream Which of the future rent for me the veil. This one appeared to me as lord and master, Hunting the wolf and whelps upon the mountain 30/For which the Pisans cannot Lucca see. With sleuth-hounds gaunt, and eager, and well trained, Gualandi with Sismondi and Lanfianchi He had sent out before him to the front. After brief course seemed unto me forespent The father and the sons, and with sharp tushes It seemed to me I saw their flanks ripped open. When I before the morrow was awake, Moaning amid their sleep I heard my sons Who with me were, and asking after bread. 40/Cruel indeed art thou, if yet thou grieve not, Thinking of what my heart foreboded me, And weep'st thou not, what art thou wont to weep at? They were awake now, and the hour drew nigh At which our food used to be brought to us, And through his dream was each one apprehensive; And I heard locking up the under door Of the horrible tower; whereat without a word I gazed into the faces of my sons. I wept not, I within so turned to stone; 50/They wept; and darling little Anselm mine Said: 'Thou dost gaze so, father, what doth ail thee?' Still not a tear I shed, nor answer made All of that day, nor yet the night thereafter, Until another sun rose on the world. As now a little glimmer made its way Into the dolorous prison, and I saw Upon four faces my own very aspect, Both of my hands in agony I bit; And, thinking that I did it from desire 60/Of eating, on a sudden they uprose, And said they: 'Father, much less pain 'twill give us If thou do eat of us; thyself didst clothe us With this poor flesh, and do thou strip it off.' I calmed me then, not to make them more sad. That day we all were silent, and the next. Ah! obdurate earth, wherefore didst thou not open? When we had come unto the fourth day, Gaddo Threw himself down outstretched before my feet, Saying, 'My father, why dost thou not help me?' 70/And there he died; and, as thou seest me, I saw the three fall, one by one, between The fifth day and the sixth; whence I betook me, Already blind, to groping over each, And three days called them after they were dead; Then hunger did what sorrow could not do.' When he had said this, with his eyes distorted, The wretched skull resumed he with his teeth, Which, as a dog's, upon the bone were strong. Ah! Pisa, thou opprobrium of the people 80/Of the fair land there where the 'Si' doth sound, Since slow to punish thee thy neighbours are, Let the Capraia and Gorgona move, And make a hedge across the mouth of Arno That every person in thee it may drown! For if Count Ugolino had the fame Of having in thy castles thee betrayed, Thou shouldst not on such cross have put his sons. Guiltless of any crime, thou modern Thebes! Their youth made Uguccione and Brigata, 90/And the other two my song doth name above! We passed still farther onward, where the ice Another people ruggedly enswathes, Not downward turned, but all of them reversed. Weeping itself there does not let them weep, And grief that finds a barrier in the eyes Turns itself inward to increase the anguish; Because the earliest tears a cluster form, And, in the manner of a crystal visor, Fill all the cup beneath the eyebrow full. 100/And notwithstanding that, as in a callus, Because of cold all sensibility Its station had abandoned in my face, Still it appeared to me I felt some wind; Whence I: 'My Master, who sets this in motion? Is not below here every vapour quenched?' Whence he to me: 'Very soon you'll know. You will see with your own eyes the answer, And know the source of the frigid winds.' And one of the wretches of the frozen crust 110/Cried out to us: 'O souls so merciless That the last post is given unto you, Lift from mine eyes the rigid veils, that I May vent the sorrow which impregns my heart A little, e'er the weeping recongeal.' Whence I to him: 'If thou wouldst have me help thee Say who thou wast; and if I free thee not, May I go to the bottom of the ice.' Then he replied: 'I am Friar Alberigo; He am I of the fruit of the bad garden, 120/Who here a date am getting for my fig.' 'O,' said I to him, 'now art thou, too, dead?' And he to me: 'How may my body fare Up in the world, no knowledge I possess. Such an advantage has this Ptolomaea, That oftentimes the soul descendeth here Sooner than Atropos in motion sets it. And, that thou mayest more willingly remove From off my countenance these glassy tears, Know that as soon as any soul betrays 130/As I have done, his body by a demon Is taken from him, who thereafter rules it, Until his time has wholly been revolved. Itself down rushes into such a cistern; And still perchance above appears the body Of yonder shade, that winters here behind me. This thou shouldst know, if thou hast just come down; It is Ser Branca d' Oria, and many years Have passed away since he was thus locked up.' 'I think,' said I to him, 'thou dost deceive me; 140/For Branca d' Oria is not dead as yet, And eats, and drinks, and sleeps, and puts on clothes.' 'In moat above,' said he, 'of Malebranche, There where is boiling the tenacious pitch, As yet had Michel Zanche not arrived, When this one left a devil in his stead In his own body and one near of kin, Who made together with him the betrayal. But hitherward stretch out thy hand forthwith, Open mine eyes;'--and open them I did not, 150/And to be rude to him was courtesy. Ah, Genoese! ye men at variance With every virtue, full of every vice Wherefore are ye not scattered from the world? For with the vilest spirit of Romagna I found of you one such, who for his deeds In soul already in Cocytus bathes, And still above in body seems alive! !CANTO XXXIV. 'Now we are in the pit of Hell, Now look at what lies at the core,' My Master said, 'if you can see him.' As, when there breathes a heavy fog, or when Our hemisphere is darkening into night, Appears far off a mill the wind is turning, Methought that such a building then I saw; And, for the wind, I drew myself behind My Guide, because there was no other shelter. 10/Now was I, and with fear in verse I put it, There where the shades were wholly covered up, And glimmered through like unto straws in glass. Some prone are lying, others stand erect, This with the head, and that one with the soles; Another, bow-like, face to feet inverts. When in advance so far we had proceeded, That it my Master pleased to show to me The creature who once had the beauteous semblance, He from before me moved and made me stop, 20/Saying: 'Look upon the core of Hell, And summon your most Macho of spirits!' How frozen I became and powerless then, Ask it not, Reader, for I write it not, Because all language would be insufficient. I did not die, and I alive remained not; Think for thyself now, hast thou aught of wit, What I became, being of both deprived. The Emperor of the kingdom dolorous From his mid-breast forth issued from the ice; 30/And better with a giant I compare Than do the giants with those arms of his; Consider now how great must be that whole, Which unto such a part conforms itself. Were he as fair once, as he now is foul, And lifted up his brow against his Maker, Well may proceed from him all tribulation. O, what a marvel it appeared to me, When I beheld three faces on his head! The one in front, and that vermilion was; 40/Two were the others, that were joined with this Above the middle part of either shoulder, And they were joined together at the crest; And the right-hand one seemed 'twixt white and yellow; The left was such to look upon as those Who come from where the Nile falls valley-ward. Underneath each came forth two mighty wings, Such as befitting were so great a bird; Sails of the sea I never saw so large. No feathers had they, but as of a bat 50/Their fashion was; and he was waving them, So that three winds proceeded forth therefrom. Thereby Cocytus wholly was congealed. With six eyes did he weep, and down three chins Trickled the tear-drops and the bloody drivel. At every mouth he with his teeth was crunching A sinner, in the manner of a brake, So that he three of them tormented thus. To him in front the biting was as naught Unto the clawing, for sometimes the spine 60/Utterly stripped of all the skin remained. 'That soul up there which has the greatest pain,' The Master said, 'is Judas Iscariot; You cna probably figure out why. If you look a little lower in the mouth, You can see a fellow hanging; that's Brutus. The way he writhes shows he must be in pain. The third one there is Cassius. See him? But the night is almost over now, yes? We need to press on. You've seen it all.' 70/As seemed him good, I clasped him round the neck, And he the vantage seized of time and place, And when the wings were opened wide apart, He laid fast hold upon the shaggy sides; From fell to fell descended downward then Between the thick hair and the frozen crust. When we were come to where the thigh revolves Exactly on the thickness of the haunch, The Guide, with labour and with hard-drawn breath, Turned round his head where he had had his legs, 80/And grappled to the hair, as one who mounts, So that to Hell I thought we were returning. 'Hold on tight and make sure not to slip,' The Master said, panting as one fatigued, 'We are leaving the center of evil behind.' Then through the opening of a rock he issued, And down upon the margin seated me; Then tow'rds me he outstretched his wary step. I lifted up mine eyes and thought to see Lucifer in the same way I had left him; 90/And I beheld him upward hold his legs. And if I then became disquieted, Let stolid people think who do not see What the point is beyond which I had passed. 'Rise up,' the Master said, 'on your feet; The way is long, and the road is hard, And the sun is now rising in the sky.' It was not any palace corridor There where we were, but dungeon natural, With floor uneven and unease of light. 100/'Ere from the abyss I tear myself away, My Master,' said I when I had arisen, 'To draw me from an error speak a little; Where is the ice? and how is this one fixed Thus upside down? and how in such short time From eve to morn has the sun made his transit?' And he to me: 'A wizard did it.' A place there is below, from Beelzebub As far receding as the tomb extends, Which not by sight is known, but by the sound 110/Of a small rivulet, that there descendeth Through chasm within the stone, which it has gnawed With course that winds about and slightly falls. The Guide and I into that hidden road Now entered, to return to the bright world; And without care of having any rest We mounted up, he first and I the second, Till I beheld through a round aperture Some of the beauteous things that Heaven doth bear; Thence we came forth to rebehold the stars.

[rosesanthology]

Across time | Akaashi Keiji x F!reader [soulmate!AU]

for this one i tried a little bit of world building to put more context into some stuff as i suck at accurate and realistic historical aeras, this ended up being WAY longer than planned oof also YES i 100% took the well idea from Inuyasha👉🏽👈🏽

- Moeru Fukuro means blazing owl

- au where the reader finds themselves enamored far beyond the limits of alternate timeline and universes

[Tags] : @raevaioli @chenle @lcaita and @lceiji

- it was all because of a stupid dare

- it's a shame you agreed to do anything when more than 50$ were on the line (O.O)

- your friends from high school thought it seemed like SUCH  a good idea to dare you to spend 3 hours in the woods next to your house in exchange for 60$

- the 3 hours of course starting from midnight

- but you weren't one to back down from that kind of stuff

- no sir

- the only thing you had to do was to wait by the abandoned well surrounded by trees without anything to distract you (you trusted them with your phone anyway)

- tonight wasn't even that cold anyway

-so here you were, waiting for time to pass as you listened to the sounds around you

- you found it absolutly mesmerizing, how everything around you had its own identity through the sounds made

- you had always felt calmer in moments like these, by yourself at nighttime, just taking everything in

- you had been to this well many times before, the old lady who lived accross from your appartment told you that it was used as  a wishing well most of the time

- she spoke of how many people through the times had thrown coins into the unsettling darkness of the pit and wished for true love and stuff like that

- the other day, you had found her there and she told you about how that very same well helped her meet her soulmate

- you hardly believed her

- the wishing part ? Okay. It's a normal thing to throw coins into fountains and wells and pray for things. But soulmates ? That seemed like a reach

- so you felt pretty dumb for staring into the dark pit of most likely freezing water as intensely

- you also felt pretty dumb for making sure that you brought a coin with you on this outting

- okay maybe......the idea of finding your soulmate was not so repulsive.... (◡‿◡✿)

- you didn't hope it would work too hard but still.....just sayin that it would be nice

- so, you threw the coin, listening to its sound as it came in contact with the water at the bottom after a long fall and you started praying

- "i don't really know how this is supposed to be done but....if the stories are true can i please meet the love of my life ? If not possible i also accept checks and cash (▰˘◡˘▰)"

- you didn't really mean the money part

- but you know.....getting rich isn't that bad

- at that moment you felt smart for bringing a hoodie because ???? The wind was extremely strong all of a sudden like ?? Sheesh

- you were about to sit down and cuddle into your hoodie for warmth but then u SWORE U HEARD A VOICE COMING FROM THE WELL

- and you aint crazy but you're about dumb enough to lean your head above the opening to hear better

- i think you know where this is going....

- the wind's strength had you tumbling down the well in no time

- time seemed to slow down as you plummeted toward the surface of the water

- soon you came in contact with it, cold soaking your clothes and hurting all the way to your bones. You could see the moon thru the suprisingly clear water as well as the bubbles from your last reserve of air, all this caused you to pass out.

- in the capital of the kingdom MoeruFukuro, they were many things ; from kind townfolks, to golden rice paddies and from a gorgeous royal castle to roaming forest demons

- you heard me right

- the lands around were infested by demons and spirited who manifested at night, some benevolant and others not so much

- thankfully for the royal priest Tsukishima's magical talismans placed all around the town, the people could leave in peace, the malignant creatures knowing better than trying to overcome the spells

- the capital could pride itself all around the country for having ones of the most powerful and smart array of people there ever were in addition to being prosperous from the folks' trade businesses

- for example, in the royal palace, you could find as forementionned priest and mage; Tsukishima Kei, legend has it that he was blessed by Kaguya, the goddess of the moon herself in order to have such knowledge of spells

- there was also General Kuroo Tetsurou, who had his fair share of tales and admirers alike, the biggest one being the one in which he had saved a thousand men from a demon by sacrificing himself, earning its respect and protection in battle

- obviously there was the crowned prince, Bokuto Koutaro. Well he might seem a little air headed and childish at first sight but he takes his duties very seriously even if they consist in little things such as gathering the peoples' eventual complaints himself, some people going as far as saying that he is the closest thing to a god on earth

- and then, wherever Bokuto went, it would be near impossible to forget about his right arm and advisor, the wise and renowned astronomer Akaashi Keiji. If Tsukishima had been blessed by the moon goddess then many people believed that Akaashi was the one who tought Omoikane, god of wisdom and intelligence himself, everything he knew. He was everything people wished they were, calm, good looking, creative, reasonable and intelligent beyond mesure. No wonder he was the one Bokuto trusted the most by his side

- studying the sky also brought Akaashi much knowledge on seasons and the movements of stars and such, providing help to both the people and Tsukishima

- Akaashi did not live in the castle however, well technically yes but he did have a workshop of his own a bit farther in the territory, where he could dedicate himself to staring at the night sky he loved so very very much from his makeshift observatory/rooftop

- he also had a lovely well near his observation tower that Tsukishima had passive agressively insisted on cleansing for him (>.<)

- so there he was, in this particularly enchanting night

- something about that full moon, shining stars and clear sky just about almost got some tears out of him

- but he was interrupted when he heard a low growl from beneath his observation tower

- naturally he looked down to where it came from and saw a fire fox spirit inching suspiciously close to an unconscious girl on the ground near the well

- the demons avoided the talismans yes but that far from the heart of the city trickster spirits and ghouls could just about do as much chaos as they pleased

- rushing to get down, Akaashi took his bow and arrows ready to get rid of the spirit and make sure the girl, no matter how strange her clothes looked like, was safe

- it was fast work, his arrows reaped through the night air seemingly at lighting speed and quickly made the spirit disappear

- muttering a small banishing prayer he picked up the passed out girl and brought her on top of his observatory

- she was dry but she was still shivering from the cold

- "she must not be used to the cold" thought the young astronomer, taking off his haori to put on top of her frame and sitting down next to her, looking downwards at her now relaxed features

- he did not know why he brought her up there but right now it just felt right. So he went on with looking at the sky, resting his hands flat on the ground near his sides

- you were awake, enough to feel a warmth next to you but not enough to open your eyes yet

- you thought that you'd fallen asleep after making the wish and that your friends had carried you back to your room or something

- but it was to cold to be true

- you peaked slightly from between your lashes and were met with a GORGEOUS night sky

- usually in your city, the sky was too polluted to be able to see that many

- and the full moon seemed closer than usual, bewitching, enchanting, almost asking you to come to her, so in a way you did

- now fully awake, you outstretched your hand toward the celestial body, not really thinking in the moment

- "you're awake ! How are you feeling ?" said a silvery soft voice, almost similar to a whisper

- so similar you thought that you were still dreaming as it was the same one you've heard before imagining falling into the well

- your train of thought was quickly cut short by the feeling of warm hands around your own outstreched one

- oh this was definitly real

- you sat up im a swift movement, looking around you and only seeing trees and rice paddies, as well as the lights of a town in the distance

- you almost didn't hear the man's voice over your own rapidly beating heart

- almost

- "Everything's okay now, calm down" he said, probably noticing your panic and rubbing his thumb over your knuckles

- his words seemed to immediatly sink into your very soul at the second they came out of his mouth, and worst is that you thought that if it meant to be marked in such a way you would be glad to have your soul inked all over with just his words

- but you still didn't know him so you kept that thought to yourself

- "who are you and where am i ?" Your voice was so shaky and your mind so foggy that you weren't even sure if they ever made it out of your throat

- but Akaashi heard you loud and clearer than anything before, just touching your hand had seemed like such a common task but the needle like sensation that ran up his whole arm begged to differ, he regained his composure fast though

- "my name's Akaashi Keiji and you're in the kingdom of MoeruFukuro" he made sure to speak as softly as possible, never letting go of your hand, fearing that maybe, if he let go you would disappear back into the wind

- ".....my name's Y/N L/N....listen i don't think im supposed to be here- well more like...now"

- "what do you mean ?"

- and so you explained to him how you actually came from the 21st century in what you could only assume to be another timeline and universe, trying to sound as calm as possible

- because well, you weren't dumb, and castle as "cool and fantasy anime looking like that" were not so common

- Akaashi kept drinking in your voice, painfully aware of every movement of your face, every little speaking quirk and tones, never breaking contact

- he was fast in reassuring you on his own world, he spoke of his life, of his friends and of the castle, not leaving out the fact that demons and spirits were a common factor, carefully choosing his phrasing and explaining with the most concise words

- explaining so well that you felt as if you already knew all these things, deep in yourself

- and time passed

- you soon found yourself laying on you back, fingers still intertwined with the royal astronomer, talking about your lives, as if you were desperatly but as easily as breathing trying to make the other remember your existence, trying to get a part of your souls back

- the silence of the night made your voices reach the other in an almost pieircing melody, the deep blue and silver sky as your only witness of this moment

- "so you're an astronomer right.....why do you like the stars so much Keiji ?"

- oh man did he love hearing you say his name, it sounded like the rarest music he's ever heard coming from you

- "i guess it just comes easily to me....i've never felt lonely in the castle, my friends are supportive and strong even though i've never been particularly good with people....when i come here for reasons other than work and stare at the sky, it feels like im finally walking in my own feelings, finally able to search for something that i somehow always wanted..."

- he turned to your face and swore that he saw many more stars in your eyes than he has in his whole life and continued on

- " it feels- it felt like trying to find a part myself that had been fragmented and thrown into the universe....a part of myself that was very much more human than i thought"

- "oh" was all you could muster between that and the flood of feelings that was inside your heart

- you felt like you were running out of time.

- you felt like you had to make the most out of this precise instant.

- you suddenly jerked up, making Akaashi jump at the sudden move

- he sat up with you, facing you, unsure of what  that was all about

- " Keiji !" You said, full of determination despite the advanced hour of the night, and when he nodded and smiled, humming slightly as response you took it as your greenlight to continue

- " Let's find each other again ! Whether it be in this life or another ! We're bounded together now and im sure whichever gods brought me to you will make it happen again no matter what. So you have to promise me before it's too late....don't forget about me !"

- Akaashi's eyes bore into yours with as much intensity as yours and returning the smile you wore on your face

- he let go off your hand for the first time that night and you felt as if an invisible countdown just started somewhere

- he took of a teal and marine blue colored thread bracelet that he wore and put in on your wrist, it had a small crescent moon symbol made of nacre on it....how in character

- how....him

- "there. That way i won't ever forget you. I sure hope you don't forget about me either"

- the last thing your remembered was the gorgeous yet so undoubtfully sad smile of the astronomer before waking up, warm, in your own bed

- you looked around in a hurry and little did you know, you were back into your appartment's bedroom

- you figured it was just a dream

- and yet your heart was still beating against your ribcage and tears were stinging your eyes

- you looked at your phone to check the time since the sun had already went up and your eyes fell on the bracelet you were wearing on your wrist

- you wasted no time in DASHING out of your appartment straight to the old lady's, well too aware that what had happened last night was definitely not a dream

- as you rung the doorbell you were too busy trying to calm your heart that was still trying to beat out of your chest to hear an all too familiar voice from inside the appartment saying "i'll take this"

- the door opened and you almost fainted

- "hi ! Im Akaashi Keiji your new neighbor from next door.....have we met before ?"

[travellvogue]

Fluffy Alphabet- Trent Alexander-Arnold

A= ATTRACTIVE, you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on, he swore that the day he met you, completely in awe of how one human could be so breath taking, his favourite feature of yours being your eyes, his mum always told him “fall in love with someone’s eyes, because they never change” and he prays he’ll get to stare into yours for the rest of his time

B- BABYGIRL, he knows as soon as “babygirl” leaves his mouth he’s got you wrapped around his little finger, the look in your eyes when he uses the pet name drives him crazy, desperately just want to kiss you and cuddle you forever, never knowing a simple nickname could have such power over the both of you

C= CUDDLE, he’d be begging for cuddles all the time, any excuse to hold you or be held, loving it so much when your fingers trace his spine or scratch gently at his scalp, and he loves to cuddle you, to have your body clinging to him like a koala makes him feel like he’s protecting you from the world, such love and admiration in his eyes when you fall asleep on his chest

D= DATES, you’d call it ‘date day’, date day would be every Thursdays without fail, whether that simply meant the two of you going out for breakfast,lunch or dinner. Or having movie nights, late night drives to McDonalds drive through to sit in the car park and eat whilst chatting about conspiracy theories and people watching. He’d feel guilty when he’s away, missing date day but he’d always make up for missed time and treat you to the best date day ever.

E= EVERYTHING, he loved everything about you, you brightened every aspect of his life, and he hated that you weren’t able to see just how much light you’ve bought to his world, constantly telling you he loves every single part of you, inside and out, knowing one day you’ll believe him when he tells you you’re perfect

F= FAMILY, you fit into his family like a puzzle piece, he was convinced his mum loved you more then she loved him- always the begging the two of you to hurry up and get married, despite being so young. He’s asked you if you wanted babies in the future, and of course you wanted kids with him, two boys and a girl, all close in age, and all super close with their cousins

G= GENTLE, he was the most gentle soul, put everyone’s needs before his own- and for that you admired him. However, you ensured you looked after him the way he deserved to be, to show him just how special he is, not afraid to show him your soft gentle side, a side not many people saw as you’d built such a barrier, but his manner had your walls tumbling down instantly

H= HUMOUR, you’re both sarcastic little shits, numerous amounts of inside jokes between the two of you, his brothers always involved with the teasing and friendly banter, your dry sense of humour always lifting him up when he’s down

I= I MISS YOU, he found it impossibly hard when he’s away from you, but work consisted of a lot of travel and you couldn’t always come with him, so you relied on facetime, texts, snapchat- anything you could to stay in contact with one another, you’d both find it hard to sleep without one another next to you, the cuddles and kisses where missed severely but it always made it more special when he arrives home to the love of his life waiting for him

J= JEALOUSY, you get jealous sometimes, you know he gets a lot of attention from females and sometimes it made you feel a little insecure, but he’s constantly reminding you how he only ever has eyes for you. But he’s the same, sparks of jealously igniting when he sees men trying to flirt with you, you’re beautiful and anyone would want a part of you. The two of you know how loyal you are to one another, never needing to overthink the attention from others

K= KISS, have you seen his lips? You simply couldn’t get enough of them. Wether that’s a quick rushed kiss in the morning before he has to head off to training, or a loving, desperate kiss when he gets home after a long day. The slight graze of his teeth against your bottom lip when he’s turned on let’s you know exactly what he wants, his tongue subtly slipping inside your mouth in the intent to deepen the kiss

L= LOVE, as crazy as it sounds, the two of you said ‘I love you’ within the first 2 weeks of dating, it just felt so natural, both of you knowing that you wanted to spend the rest of your lives with one another, having no fear in telling each other how in love you are

M= MEMORIES, by far the most memorable moment for the two of you was the Champions League Final, despite having been dating for a year before hand he’d never seen you cry so much- happy tears of course. But for him to be living his dream with you by his side was something he couldn’t thank god enough for. A memory permanently sketch in his mind as he looked up to the rooftops during the parade to blow you a kiss, giggling to himself when he sees you stood in floods of happy tears with his family

N= NICKLE (buying things), you always refuse to let him buy you anything, telling him you don’t need him to splash his cash for you for love him, and he knows that, he loves that you never ask for anything and always pay for your own shit, but he still loves to buy you flowers every week, chocolates when you’re feeling down and little trinkets that remind him of you when he goes away with the team

O= OBSESSIONS, you are obsessed with his world cup trim- of course, no surprise there- and he knew exactly what that haircut did to you, and that’s why he doesn’t get it often, claims it’s “a special treat for my baby” but god when he does get his hair cut he loves the attention you give him, running your fingers through his freshly cut curls and giving him more kisses and attention then he thought was humanly possible

P= PET NAMES, he stuck to the normal ‘baby’ pushing it to ‘babygirl’ when he was feeling extra cuddly (or horny) loving how your eyes lit up at the petname, always earning him an array of kisses. And of course he loved it when the nickname was reversed and you referred to him as ‘baby’ or ‘babyboy’ really only using the nicknames in the privacy of each other’s company

Q= QUEEN, you truly here his queen, obviously his mum was he main ‘queen’ but god did you come close, everything you did he admired, in such of awe of your strong, amazing personality, and of course you’ll be a proper queen when you have a daughter and she becomes his princess

R= RELATIONSHIP, it had always been a ‘meant to be’ relationship, through every up and down, over every hurdle, the two of you hardly argued, hardly had a disagreement or an ‘issue’, and people would tell you all the time that they admired how in love the two of you are, and how happy you make one another

S- SAD, the criticism and hate could get to him a lot sometimes, sad glossy eyes as he endlessly scrolled through twitter, doubting not only his footballing capabilities but all the overwhelming rumours about your relationship, however he’d be so grateful when you shut them down, telling him “you’re the only man i could ever want” or simply reminding him, “you’re twenty T! you’re the most talented twenty year old i know”. And it always led to the best cuddles with his face buried into your neck and hands playing with the rings on your fingers

T= TOUCHY, he’s so touchy, so clingy- and god you loved it. everyone always made subtle comments about it being ‘suffocating’ but the two of you never saw the point in hiding your affection from each other. you love to touch his peachy little bum which always makes him blush but he’ll always return the favour and give yours a good grip

U= UNCONDITIONAL, there’s no doubt that the two of you love each other unconditionally, through every moment of life you’ll thank your lucky stars that god blessed you with your little scouse angel. And god where you grateful to find someone who loved you for you, and every inch of you, always reminding you of the love you deserve and how much he loves you

V= VOICE, you are obsessed with his scouse accent, despite not being able to understand a few things he says over the years you’ve become accustomed to it, you’d always get teased for loving his accent but god it did things to you and he knew that, definitely using it to wrap you round his little finger

W= WEDDING, he’d always day-dream about your wedding, knowing you only wanted a tiny little wedding claiming it was a “waste of money” which he appreciated and agreed with, he knew a ring wasn’t necessary to know both of you love eachother but the thought of calling you his wife and Mrs Alexander-Arnold made him feel like the luckiest man in the world

X= XYLOPHONE (your song), ‘If You Could See Me Now’- The Script (absolute tune btw) it would badly through the speakers so loud at an almost deafening volume, the two of you only knowing the words to the chorus but something about the lyrics resonated and meant more to you then you’d ever thought, wide smiles on both of your faces as you sing along together, hands raised to the sky and you dance along to the beat

Y= YOU, “You’re the north to my south” he’d always tease you for being a ‘northerner’ loving how you sometimes couldn’t understand what he and his family where saying at certain times, “you gotta slow down T, enunciate your words” you’d giggle watching him role his eyes and repeat his sentence slowly

Z- Zzz, starfish was the only way to describe it, you’d always start the night wrapped up in his arms but without fail he’d spread himself out and leave you with about 2 inches of mattress, but it was a full circle, you’d always end up curled up in his arms again by the morning

[best-enemies]

For the fandom ask meme thing can I request the whole damn alphabet or is that not very cash money of me? I’m nosy lmao I wanna know all of them!

AHDKAJSDKJAHSKDA JACK YOU’RE THE BEST

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

I’ve had my current OTP for like almost 8 years and it’s, obviously, Thoschei (Doctor/Master). My other current obsession is the Gallifrey OT4 hehehe

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

It’s funny because I didn’t ship Hannigram at first... I’d thought the idea of a cannibal having a relationship was terrifying because what if they had sex and Hannibal got hungry in the middle of the act? Lmaoooo 

But yeah they’re my endgame now. I watched the show when it first aired and I was about 14/15 years old so now you see why I thought that. Although I’m still afraid I’m gonna be reading a fic and Hannibal will suddendly bite Will’s dick off or smth AKJHSAKJSAHSASKAJ

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Uhhh Doctor/Clara. Mainly because I don’t like to ship the Doctor with companions (there may be one or two exceptions but I don’t ship them enough to actually say I ship them lol) and I don’t know I just never vibed with it

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

Doctor/River. I mean, I did like it for a while years ago but now it’s just... eh. I think she has a waaay better chemistry with the 12th Doctor, but still don’t ship it. I might give it a try once I listen to the River audios but so far meh. I’m not much of a multishipper anyway.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

God. I’ve written a couple of Academy Era (focused on the Deca) crack fanfics and I still have to translate them to English. They’re pure garbage but I love them. I have a lot of fun writing crack fics because they’re easier and I can ignore whatever piece of canon I want just for the laughs

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Guess it’s Doctor Who, been here (in and out of the fandom) for over 8/9 years

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Uhhhh I think it was Han Solo and Leia, since I was a kid really. I wanted to marry both of them lol

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I had to google what a source text is and still don’t know

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I don’t think so, but Twitter definitively has. I remember a couple years ago I was curious to see what voltron was about and watched a few episodes, it was ok, fun and cute but the fandom was so annoying I stopped watching it for good and don’t care about it enough to pick it up again

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

I had definitively forgotten about supernatural until I saw it all over my dashboard in the year of our lord 2020 lmao like in my wholock days I tried to watch the show because everyone on my dash (is it still called dashboard?) was talking about it and I watched about 8 episodes before dropping it. But seeing it again on the dash was actually a happy surprise because the memes are too funny hahaha

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

I’m extremely shy irl and on the internet as well but I wanna say that  @janeturenne is one of the best authors ever and her fanfics are a blessing in my life; also @thebraxiatelcollection who brings awesome content to my dash and is also one of the best authors. And of course, you, Jack, also one of the best authors god I’m so BLESSED

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Uhhh I guess I’m neutral about the current companions. They’re not my favorites but I don’t really dislike them - they had a lot of potential and chibs came up with some good storylines but did not develop them well in my opinion. I think Graham is a fun grandpa whom I’m going to miss when he leaves; Ryan is cool and could’ve done a lot more if the writers had kept a few things, it’d be awesome if he vlogged all of their adventures. He’s like the one I was curious to see more but sadly didn’t feel a connection; and Yaz, I hope she’ll keep growing and that her friendship with the Doctor will finally be developed to a level we can connect to her.

It sounds weird because with the fam it’s always ‘what I wish could have been’ because I never felt really connected to them :(

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

Ok... I don’t really ship Rey/Finn but I think it’s one of the sweetest ships ever, and if they ended up together I’d be happy. They love each other and are there for each other always so, yeah :D

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

I don’t know if I got the question right but it’s three things I wish I saw more in my main fandom? Well, if it’s that, then, 3 things about the Doctor Who fandom: 1) people having more civilized or light-hearted discussions about things. Like, I genuinely disliked an 8th doctor audio I listened once that my friends loved, and they made fun of me and we joked about it. Also once we were in a live twitch video playing among us and discussing doctor who, and then we got into a ship “discourse” as a joke and nobody really cared and just laughed because everyone knew it’s fictional shit so why get mad over it? 2) Doctor Who has a titanic amount of content, it’s all canon but at the same time it’s not, so who cares? If you want to listen to Big Finish audios and if you can afford it, then lisiten; if you can’t, it’s okay, no one has the right to tell you you’re less of a fan. Just tell them to fuck off; 3) The best way to keep fandom alive is by creating content. Here in my local fandom we have several podcasts dedicated to all areas of the whoniverse (the show, the expanded universe, the audios, etc), those old fandom websites who do serious work to bring news to the fans, people who make subtitles for the classic series (we don’t have it available here so they do their best to make it accessible to other fans), accounts dedicated to promoting dr who fans who create content, and we even have people making their own audiodramas with dw characters and writing book-lenght fanfiction to help explain the show to people who’ve never watched it, and a great variety of things. I’ve seen a few of these things in the international fandom, mostly by older fans, so I wish younger fans about my age who have the means to make this kind of stuff would make it too. Maybe there’d be less twitter drama out there lol

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

“the killing moon” by echo & the bunnymen reminds me of thoschei. yep it was totally random

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

The fact that we don’t have a pride and prejudice AU for brax/romana yet is driving me insane

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

I’ve mentioned it before but doctor/river, don’t really remember why idk I just don’t vibe with it anymore. But also because thoschei has so many different pairings in 1 ship that I don’t really feel the need to ship them with anyone else lol

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SPECIFIC ok fellow academy era stans gather around if you have read Divided Loyalties there’s a scene where it SHOWS that Magnus had a crush on Ushas. And NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT THEM and the power couple they would’ve made. I write them into all my fanfics in hopes of making other people ship them but I’ve had no success so far

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

The Master is a big fan of musicals and in the 77 years he spent on earth he watched every single one ever. I’m gonna be bold and say that when he was young, still Koschei, he was an artist, and thought about dropping everything to become an actor on Gallifrey. Time Lords do appreciate art, and have their own plays, but it’s just the same old and boring ones the young people don’t care about. The Master then created a shocking performance that was way ahead of its time and the older Time Lords were so appalled they banned him from writing and presenting plays and that’s his villain origin story

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

1) The Doctor and the Master married on Gallifrey and the entire show is just them having the most litigious divorce in the universe (still isn’t final because the Master has killed all the judges); 2) Ushas/The Rani is ace; 3) The Deca was a 10 people polyamorous relationship; 4) Romana and Livia were girlfriends at the Academy and they hate each other now because the break up was baad; 5) Romana writes fanfiction; 6) Romana/Leela had a thing in Davidia I KNOW it; 7) Leela pegs Narvin; 8) Brax has a life-size painting of Romana at his collection or a statue or smth; 9) Brax’s dream in Reborn is actually REAL and he’s married to Romana, Leela and Narvin all at the same time

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

I don’t even think I’m in 5 fandoms but

Doctor Who: The Master, The Doctor, Romana, Leela, Sarah Jane, Bill (this was the hardest thing ever)

The X-Files: Mulder, Scully, Monica, and can I add The Lone Gunmen too?

Star Wars: Leia, Obi-Wan, Finn, Poe Dameron and honorable mention to Din Djarin and Grogu

Hannibal: Hannibal, Will, Bev, Alana, Chiyoh

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

That’s hard

Doctor Who: thoschei ofc, gallifrey ot4.......... uuhh as you can see i don’t ship many pairings in the show

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully. And whatever Scully and Monica had going on because they definitively flirted

Star Wars: Poe/Finn, Han/Leia, whatever Han/Lando had going on too

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

WHATVASHAJSKAJSA ok this is a little embarassing but I don’t have a lot of kinks for many ships... I guess I have some for thoschei like, choking, whipping, blindfolds/gagging, bondage, begging, biting, sem-public, phone sex, dirty talk, body worship, praise kink, etc. Alright alright I know it’s a lot but in my defense they've shown half of these on the show

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

The Master, Romana, Leela, Brax, Narvin, Bill Potts, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane, Donna Noble, Lucie Miller. No particular order for most of them but the Master is my precious baby and I will die for this mf

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Not many, usually the people I follow are in the same fandoms as I am but I’ve seen some mutuals reblog some Hadestown stuff which is a play that I’ve never seen but definitively would because the protagonists look hot 

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES IT MEAN

it took me three hours to do this but it was fun!! thank you bb <3

[seoftheart]

100 things i love about johnny

“his english name means “god is gracious” and it’s derived from hebrew words יוֹ (yo) which is the hebrew god and חָנַן (chanan) which means “to be gracious” and i mean,, true

his korean name is written as 英浩 in hanja characters and they can mean  “flower, petal, brave, hero” and  “great, numerous, vast” - also true

his lisp

his bad puns and pickup lines

how he donated his voice by recording audio guides to aid artists with development disabilities

how much he loves haechan and taeil :((

how much he loves nct in general

his love for yoona

how he never fails to include both female and male fans when he’s talking so nobody gets excluded

his silky hair

the way he furrows his eyebrows and one side of his upper lip goes up when he says something sassy or tries sounding smart

the little, cute wrinkles that appear on the sides of his mouth when he’s smiling

how hard he works on his chinese and tries to communicate with chinese members in their native language grfsregkajeg

the way he discreetly comforted yeri on enana when she was sick

how he noticed that on the vlive commentary function it said “say something nice” and found it really nice

how he’s really humble about the things he does and his qualities, oh my god !!

he thought his selfies weren’t good and asked for advice and didn’t believe jaehyun and doyoung when they told him his selfies are really good indeed, he was so surprised when they told him!!

his wannabe raps LMAO that rap he wrote in high school still haunts me

he stayed in sm for so long, ever since 2008, but he didn’t give up and made it to debut with nct! he had to watch his friends from exo debut before him while he was left behind but that didn’t discourage him one bit ;((

how he always finds a way to play on enana during the commercial break, and it’s usually playing with the cameras, which is really cute

his smile when he’s talking with the fans

how he always does that dance where he swings his arms left to right constantly while doing the same with hips, in sync with the arm swing and embarrasses others but does it anyway

he always thinks of nct’s international fans!! he always adds a sentence of two in english so everybody understands what’s going on

he has a lot of trouble learning japanese but he still tries so hard ;((

his “boku wa johnny desu”

he’s really shy when someone compliments him, but never fails to compliment others

he has such a nice relationship with enana staff members and always helps them and encourages them

“to everyone out there, i just want to say that whoever’s listening to this is absolutely beautiful, and there’s nothing you need to change about your appearance, you’re already as perfect and unique as you are.  don’t let anyone tell you differently. if you ever feel like you’re not worth anything, seek help or change your environment, don’t let the bullies get to you. life is long, life is beautiful. don’t stop right here because of these mean people. live for yourself, live happily, and show them you’re stronger than them.”

saying “bless you” when people sneeze a lot of people overlook, but he finds it meaningful

he always encourages either the nct members or complete strangers when they’re speaking english even though they make mistakes and makes them feel confident about their language skills

that one time he started randomly meowing on enana and made jaehyun laugh

ok but on a serious note tho. johnny likes to,,,meow around. idk if it grew into a (weird) habit of his but he just,,,meows. he meows around jaehyun, he meows around mark, he probably meows around everyone in nct. can i pls get this limited-edition cat too

his super broccoli and super corn t-shirts

his singing voice ;–;

how he never hesitates to do aegyo but regrets it straight afterward so he lowers his head and covers his face with his hands

he said he loves running through the rain when it’s raining and it’s so unusual but cute!

lmao he’s such a hopeless romantic tho, i bet he got that running-in-the-rain idea from a romance film or smth

“to do and regret, rather than not to do and regret”

his hobby is photography and he takes really nice photos which he posts on nct’s instagram!!

his signature is really pretty!! it’s one of the most beautiful signatures i’ve seen an idol have tbh

he plays the piano really well and he used to play it together with jaehyun in their room when they were roommates

during the time he shared the room with jaehyun, jaehyun used to always light up scented candles and it sometimes bothered johnny but he never said anything about it so jaehyun wouldn’t feel bad

also,, he sleeps naked?? but like,, he’s so open with it. he’s like oh? clothes? i don’t wear clothes when i sleep lol and taeil is ????? so  c o n f u s e d  but johnny is just there, with a big grin on his face lmao

he’s a bit clumsy but it makes him adorable ;-;

his laugh!! it goes from a simple giggle to a high pitched laughter and it’s so recognisable and funny to hear, but it never makes you tired of hearing it

the dimples that appear on his face when he’s smiling, #help

he always gives other members the chance to speak in english if they want to or if they’re confident but never forces them if they don’t want to

how he’s so passionate about photography and he uses his camera more to capture the nature and his members than to take pictures of himself

also. that one photo of a smiley face written on a foggy car window (probably?) that he took is so, so, so important.

seriously, i love the style of photography he is going for!!

how he always participates when nct does volunteer work, like how he went to that school and made meals for children or how he went to a p.e. class and taught the kids how to dance

the way he laughs!! he always laughs in little fits, like, it goes hahaha hahahaha hahaha and it’s a d o r a b l e

how he’s secretly a meme king and loves sharing memes with nct members on their gc but they never reply to him and it’s so sad but so cute fsdjkghs

the way he looks at cameras like they’re the most precious things in the world

he never fails to hype a nct member up!!

how much he loves his family. he doesn’t talk about them a lot but when he does you can see it in his eyes how much he misses his parents. also when he cried when they sent him a video message for his birthday during his smrookies days!!

also when he was so surprised and teared up when his mum sent an audio message to enana back in 2018

“love starts with a smile” - johnny, 170327

he always sees beauty in some things that would usually get overlooked or wouldn’t be seen as beautiful and pretty and he never fails to express how he finds them nice!!

his relationship with mark. it’s not only that they’re english speakers so they’re close, you can see just how much johnny cares for mark. mark is like johnny’s little brother

he has a tendency to say things in a tone someone could find sarcastic but he really means it. he uses these phrases that have grown to be seen as sarcastic only to convey his true feelings and i find it so unique and beautiful (like when he said “it’s beautiful, mark” in the first relay vlive when mark, jaemin, winwin and kun were making standees for the sprouts - one would think he’s saying it just so that he wouldn’t hurt mark’s feelings but if you listen closely enough, you can hear the sincerity in his voice)

how he uses “your one and only” when writing to the fans

also the message on a photocard for the regular-irregular album where he wrote “from your one and only to my one and only” i literally blushed okay.

seriously though, the messages he writes on photocards are so thoughtful and cute, for example on the regulate pc he wrote: “simon says... smile!” and like,, i might have cried.

his face with no makeup on!!!

his thighs that are both muscular and soft, you can’t really tell if he’s really fit or a bit chubby and it makes my heart go whoosh whoosh bc!! my bias!!! is chubby!!!!! and i love it!! !!!!

seriously though, the songs he recommends and/or plays on enana

he says he’s a really clumsy person or it’s just his height so he always bumps into things and i find it adorable even though it must hurt him but how can you not love these small things about this giant man shjsjs

how he sleeps with so many plushies and gives them names and always changes the one he’s hugging at night om g

“pandas. OmG PANDAS” - johnny in ikea

have i already said this but he’s so empathic and compassionate and conscientious and always tries to make people around him feel comfortable with his jokes and warm smiles

he’s also so patient and laid-back and doesn’t get angry so easily, like, someone would probably get angry with yuta were it his phone number that was exposed (even by accident) but johnny was just liek,,,yah it’s okay and forgave yuta and sgjdjsh he’s just so nice :(

how he thinks make-up shouldn’t be limited to girls only and doesn’t believe in gender roles!!

in addition to that, he even appeared in an episode of netflix’s bill nye saves the world that touches on the topic of sexuality & identity and it’s such a big thing for an idol, especially a rookie idol to talk about how kpop is changing the traditional ideas of what gender norms are in such a conservative country??

“just be yourself. i feel like that’s a big point” - johnny in bill nye saves the world

*serious, with a smile on his face* “do you have a boyfriend?” *serious* *can’t contain the cringe and laughter* *turns away in an adorable way*

johnny’s fashion evaluation much?? it’s just him giving weird names to nct’s outfits and pretending to be an expert by giving them star ratings but it’s all just random and it’s so funny shjsh

while we’re at being funny! god of humour!! right there!!!! johnny suh invented humour ok i don’t make the rules

like,, his humour is not the normal kind, i saw many people actually say he’s not funny but LMAO joke’s on you, his humour is the galaxy brain type of humour, it’s like,, a bit dry but it’s so funny if you’re on the same page as him

when he went to ikea with jaehyun to buy a lamp but they only ended up looking at plushies and johnny immediately made friends with two snake plushies, fred and jason. “fred, what are you doing here??” “jason, jason! no, he’s my friend, jason. jason, he’s my friend.” - johnny in ikea, after saving jaehyun from jason’s bite. like that’s so random but it’s working because i’ve melted

him wearing hoodies and putting them over his head while taking photos of his members is so precious and soft!!

the way his pinky kind of drifts away from the rest of his fingers when he’s waving or covering his mouth or doing anything with his hand really

his plump lips and the way they curl upwards a bit and it makes them look so  c u t e  but they’re also a bit sexy???

he has these scars on his face (a lot of them on his chin) that are almost invisible because of the makeup but i think they’re from pimples, perhaps? but they’re so beautiful and precious and i love them when he smiles and they get a different shape and it’s art?? on someone’s face?????

he speaks so confidently in korean even though it’s not his native language! one would think it is by the way he never stutters or has a loss for words but it’s just because of his never-ending friendliness and confidence that’s a part of his personality

remember the rolling paper event during the 127 1st anniversary party? all of johnny’s messages were the longest ones and were so heartfelt and sincere. he really poured his entire heart while writing those and that only shows just how much he loves his members

his role inside the group may seem unimportant but he’s one of the few people holding the group together. there is taeyong as the leader, but johnny is like a leader from the shadows who puts everyone before himself first - and it is not easy to do

he cares for the foreign members so, so much. out of all the nct members, he’s been in sm the longest and as a foreigner he understands and knows what it’s like to suddenly be in a completely new country surrounded by nothing but strangers. he kept on conversing with ten, both in english and in korean, so ten would feel more comfortable and he’s the main reason ten’s korean has gotten so much better. also, he takes so much patience with the chinese members who have language barriers with both him and the rest of nct and never fails to correct them when they say something wrong or when they can’t think of a word/phrase to say. when they were touring seoul, he was always next to lucas and closely listening to how lucas speaks so that he can help him learn better!!

johnny knows how to flirt and seduce but what he doesn’t know is how to act afterwards so the embarrassment that comes after he says something cringy is just the most adorable think ever (take “do you have a boyfriend?” ig video for an example). he’s just so awkward and he can’t compliment someone without blushing ;(

also oh boy, johnny is just so bad at lying like fksjshksh he can’t keep a secret to save a life. were we, nctzens, not so dumb, we’d get so many spoilers he accidentally gave lmao

while we’re at this, he also can’t have a nice phone because he literally doesn’t care about it, hE THREW IT IN THE FLOOR in that one video, isn’t that enough as it IS

also,,,,,,he put a metal fidget spinner on its screen and somehow expected it not to break?????? just how lovable this idiot is.

he’s so,,,,awkward and cute around girls,,,like,,,,,,,help me. him confessing to yoona (kind of?) is the cutest thing ever and it just fills my heart with love and i!! wanna protect!!!!!

the thing i always look at when i watch enana are his ears because he always fiddles with them and touches the earring(s) and it’s cuuuute

but lmAO somehow the earring(s) always fall out when he does touch them and it’s somehow so,,endearing because he’s so cute jfc

he once said he tries using “thank you” and "i love you” a lot because those words are so powerful and he seems to always want to bring smile to other people’s faces..

also!! his parents call him prince as a nickname and,,well. i might be crying because that’s  s o f t

do you know that johnny always tries to wear colourful clothes on rainy days so that he breaks the monotony and the nostalgia of rain?? fdkjhsrgahkdsg

“you can overcome everything with laughter”

also,, have you noticed how he always makes a double peace sign when he’s embarrassed? cute.

[zamgoods]

Homo and Syncretism of Money, Religion, $ocial Media, Witchcraft, Wordcraft: $peak and Spell$

May 28, 2020     Going deeper in the investigation in my streaming thoughts of religion, money, and witchcraft consciousness you will find Homo all over the place. Homo means the same.  Same Similar Familiar what? Same sounding words. Words that are spelled the same. Homophones and Homonyms.  Always loved this topic in the 3rd grade.  It was fun.  Like a code of spelling words and speech.  A riddle to tickle and annoy.  There is a level of psychological control of the soul. It seems to be sacrilegious! or blasphemous! to have such clear subliminal similarities between money matters like business, finances, economics, witchcraft, religion, crown/rulership.  

Throw in a little Politics/policy/police/ poles/pillars you get Justice.  Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddism, Ancient Egyptian, Alchemy, Sorcery, Kabalah, Goetia, Grimmoire, Gematria, belief blended languages, tongues, all boil down to one thing. Religion will tell you telling the future is an abomination yet the prophets and kings divined and chanted their way to the temple and sacrificed first son’s to El as well (homo). they followed the stars and raised up the dead (homo).  I call Homo and rainbows from the house of worship to the house of cards.  To be a bad person and sinner in one house, is to be righteous and blessed in the other one.  The more money you have the more you live like a king in heaven.  Dig in the pits of the Earth (hell) like a mole to find precious metals and gemstones.  While the good, pious ones look upwards to the sky and heavens, yet not reaping any valuable material gains.  The rich rulers govern over the poor servants who look to the afterlife for their paradise. They are told that money is the root of all sin and not to worship Mammon in Bible Book of Timothy 6:10.

New Homos in the social media religion continue to mind screw us to gain more blessings called likes and followers.  Thumbs up and down are like good deeds and bad deeds.  You are a messenger trying to acquire followers or subscribers of your belief system.  3 Strikes will strike you to hell.  You can’t get monetized, you go to hellfire and channel/handle erased. Like, alike means the same or to be similar to something, as well as affection for something or some one.  How many likes did you get on your selfie for today’s post?  God is pleased with you and likes you if you are good and got the goods.

Before Babel, when there was one language spoken. It was all about the Benjamins baby. Trade/Exchange/money matters really seriously.  It’s life or Death. True religion is survival revival.  Time to decode. 

Prophet/ Profit, Future/Futures, Fortune/Fortune,  Lord/Lord, God/ GOD, Good/Goods and Service/Services, Savings/Savior, Safe/Safe, Death/Debt, Mortgage/Mortuary, Metlife/Deathlife, Tithes/Tides,   Bet/Bat/Bets, Bad, Deed/Deeds, AParadise/ Pair of Dice, Die/ Die, FED/Fed, Books/Bible/ Booker, One/Won, Ominous, Omnipresent/Omen, Ayin/Eye, Security/Securities, commonwealth, Share/Shares, Equality/Equity/Equities, Value/Values, Sovereign/Sovereignty, Capital/Capitol, Cap/Cap, Bread/Breed, Pan/panning for gold, Life Savings/Life, Death Benefit/Death, Underworld/Underworld, Creed/Cred, Faith/Fates, Father God/ God Father, Father Time/ Time is Money, MeOnemin/Money, Ishtar/Ishtara, Benefits/Benefit, Asset/Ass/Aset, Money Changers/money changers, Securities/Secure, Easing/Ease, Eagle=$10, Bull/Bull Market, Man, Lion-Gold/Lion of Judah: same as horoscope Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius, Leo), Ruler/Rules, The Book of the Law/ Lawbook, Like/Alike, Follower/ Followers, Subscribers/Subscibe to a religion, Religion/Regulation, Strike/Strikes/Stricken, Booked/Booker, Good Book/Good Books, Crown/Crown/Krone,  Shekel/ Shakal (witchcraft), Mark/Mark/Marquis, Reali/Real, House/House, Glory/Glory, Luck/Lucifer/Luke, Ray of Light/ Roy, Omen/Amen, Vatican/Vataca Master/Master(s), Rain/Reign, Fortuna/Fortune, Domino/dominate, Father/father, Coven/Covenant, Rich/Ric/Rice, Scales/Scales, Weights/weight, Measure/Measure, Miser/Miserly/Misery, Balances/balance, Grains/gains, bond/bond, sale/Saleh/Salah, Free/Free, Majesty/Magistrate, Forecast  futures/ Forecast future, broadcast/ cast a spell, Wealth/Health, Fidelity/infidel, trust/trust, Savings/Savior, deliver/deliver, king/king,  Bar(law)/Bar(pious)/beer, Tavern/ Tabernacle, Debir(Oracle)/Debirs(Diamond), Bee/Be, kingdom/kingdom, domain/domain, realm/realm, Cash/Caishen, Cassiopea I-ching/ching ching ching, Nechash/Nachash (copper/reptile/enchant), Gold/Guilden, money Mark/mark, Kron/Krone/Crown, sign/warning sign, kashap/Cashapp/kashef (silver/sorcery), sliver/silver, snake charmer, Lein/layn, offering/offering, dollar/ dahl, penalty/penalty, Debt/Debir/Debit/doubt, Hell Hole/ Whole life, Credit/Credential, Fiat/Fiat, poor/Standard&Poors, Idol/Idle,  Brand/brand,  Mammon/Ammon/AmonRa/Roman, Crooked/Crook, Madeoff, Bill/Bull (Papal Bull), IRS/Iris (goddess), EyeAreess, FederalReServe/Fed and Served.  

You get the idea.  Add to the list.

Is a prophet who tells a divine message about the future of things  the same as gaining a positive net unit of currency?    

Is Lord of the Universe the same as the Land Lord?  Are Owners equal to God? The Lord’s Prayer seems to be all about money and poverty.  Even leeches into politics.  Own is the sound “one” should make, like bone, stone, and lone. The Bible Says, Deut 6:4 “ Our God, Lord is O-N-E.”  Qur’an says the same thing, “God is O-N-E” The Lone Dollar Bill $1bill.  These both are translations of Hebrew and Arabic, which basically have the same exact sounds  Allah(en)u (YHWH) EHAD/AHAD.

So this homophone thing even crosses languages.

Bread you eat and Bread money.  Give us Lord our daily bread. Lord is a ruler, regulator of the land and its people.  

Bread you eat and Bread money.  Give us Lord our daily bread. Lord is a ruler, regulator of the land and its people.  

Is Lord of the Universe the same as the Land Lord?  Are Owners equal to God? The Lord’s Prayer seems to be all about money and poverty.  Even leeches into politics.  Own is the sound “one” should make, like bone, stone, and lone. The Bible Says, Deut 6:4 “ Our God, Lord is O-N-E.”  Qur’an says the same thing, “God is O-N-E”   These both are translations of Hebrew and Arabic, which basically have the same exact sounds  Allah(en)u (YHWH) EHAD/AHAD.

So this homophone thing even crosses languages. 

 Cash in sounds like God of Wealth Caishen.   Traditional Chinese 財神 Simplified Chinese 财神 Literal meaning "God of Wealth" show Transcriptions Caishen (simplified Chinese: 财神; traditional Chinese: 財神; lit.: 'God of Wealth'

In the Hebrew Bible Deut18:10, Judges 9:37, a soothsayer/enchantress is the word Meoninim.  Looks like money to me.  And we know money is derived from the word monere= advise, warn which is what a soothsayer does tells the future.  

 $1bill and One dollar bill SIBILL The OWN network dollar bill.  The Lone Star Dollar Bill Lone Ranger $1bill. The Solo Dollar Bill.  Stop playing, Oprah Winfrey and Han Solo of Star Wars franchise fits into this too.  Well we know people worship Oprah as the richest black woman in America. We can decode her name as her anagram Harpo​ to Harpocrates who is Horus child and Win-Free.  Oprah Winfrey is a ray of hope and Victory.

Frank L Baum had it right in his writings, The Wonderfu Wizard of Oz, in which the Wizard really being the phony bologna fortune teller as the Wizard of Finance, Wicked Witch melting in liquidity, Dorothy Gail’s Ruby slippers in the film, actually being silver in the book that if clicked 3 times would take her back home over the rainbow of homo words.  

Economics/ Business, Money Superstitions/ Gambling, Religion, Witchcraft, royal/ Rulership/government have sum things in common.  They all take blood sacrifices as payment. ObligateTaxes, Tributes.  Build temples for worship.  

[dreamgloe]

808s & heartbreak | chapter one

as newly minted staff producer at bighit, you are lucky for the opportunity but even luckier when you catch the artistic (and otherwise) attention of one of its most formidable artists. however, a past you’ve condemned to remain as such has threatened to drag you back out to sea.

pairing: min yoongi x reader genre: idolverse warnings: angst, some fluff, possible adult content in future chapters words:  10,760 author’s note: remember, side a is fic feels, side b is songs mentioned or song inspiration. this was a long time coming and eventually i’ll put a link out to a full spotify playlist. would love feedback, thoughts, asks, etc. i’m really soft for (1) min yoongi. thank u for coming to my fic and my ted talk.

SIDE A: Dreamer by Axwell /\ Ingrosso | Give Yourself A Try by The 1975 | Do My Thang by Miley Cyrus | Dance To This by Troye Sivan ft. Ariana Grande | DNA by Kendrick Lamar | Star by Bazzi  SIDE B: Anti- by Jvcki Wai | Gossip Folks (ft. Ludacris) by Missy Elliott | Ay (ft. Silly Boot) by Hash Swan | Tear by BTS | Outro: Do You Think It Makes Sense? | Supernova by HTHAZE

It was an honest mistake.

That’s what they said anyway. But it wasn't really that honest. 

After you had submitted all of your materials, you found the detail that probably should have stopped you from submitting. ‘Male. Born 1998 and after.’ Some could claim that you saw it, didn’t care, and submitted anyways. But you submitted under the songwriting category and your singing of the song wasn’t a red flag at all. Could have been your sister, a friend, anyone.

But it was you.

And when you showed up to your second round audition with nothing but a microphone, your looper, and a cascade of messy hair under a beanie--your best one you would say, you weren’t an animal--you were looked at in confusion. Everyone was too shocked to say anything as you quickly got into your song, clearly intrigued with your set up. Laying down a few quick vocal beats and harmonies over one another, you launched into the lyrics. Music was usually the one thing that didn’t provoke a stream of anxiety and apprehension.

It wasn’t hard for you to get taken away by your own music. It was only a verse and a hook but you made it feel like it lasted forever. At least, it had felt like that long to you.

‘Magical mystery nights, fairy lights. You looked at me like I was one of the sights. I always think of your soju-breath that night, And how you said our love was worth the fight.’

It was easy to pour the emotion into the song as you sang, even though you’d rather die than consider yourself a performer. Singing one of your more intimate, personal original songs was always a risk but hopefully it was one that would pay off. The moment made you think of a quote your sister would often recite to you, one by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich.

“Well-behaved women rarely make history.”

You always took that quote to mean in a male dominated industry, playing it safe would never get you noticed. This moment in time could either change your life or set you back a few steps. When you finished, you used your toe to turn down the sound and turn off the looper. You couldn’t hear anything but your own breath among the silence. You were sure they would dismiss you because you were a girl and not a boy. It was a blessing and a curse that your parents gave you a unisex name.

An older man with glasses sat at the table next to a younger woman probably in her late thirties. They looked at you in silence while glancing down at the papers in front of them.

“Y/L/N Y/F/N,” the man says with a chuckle, peering over his glasses at page, presumably with your submitted information on it.

He said something into the woman next to him’s ear and she nodded before taking a few notes in her own notebook. You couldn’t hear what they said but you know what was coming. You held the microphone that connected to your looper tightly in your hand.

You took the risk...but it wasn’t paying off.

“I take it that it was you singing on your first audition tape, then?” he asked. You looked for a sign that didn’t lead to disappointment but you couldn’t read his face. You knew exactly what he was digging for.

“Yes, it was,” you said simply and honestly. You could feel yourself pressing the balls of your feet into the wooden floor below you. Another rejection under your belt, you could feel it coming. You’d auditioned for one or two other small companies, ones that were geared more towards hip hop but they went in other directions. BigHit was the only other company you really wanted to work with. You could feel your eyes prickle at the nervous anticipation buzzing through you right now

“You know the audition notice said we were looking for males, right?” he asked, the woman next to him interlocking her fingers in front of her on the table. Your hand started to sweat around the microphone while your your free hand reached up to untangle a knot at the ends of your long hair.

“I did...after it was too late,” you said, laughing at yourself, trying to smooth over the situation, “I’m obviously not very good at reading directions.” It was true. The moment you pressed send, you then realized they were only looking for males. They were obviously looking for more guys for whatever group they were trying to put together. You���d heard they were holding additional auditions just in case, even though they already had a lineup they were working with. You were in fact not male and you were born in 1996, two years old than what they were looking for. You couldn’t stand the silence from both of them, so you continued against your mind’s better judgment. “I didn’t expect to even hear back,” you said, “So when I did...I thought, why not?”

“Hmmm,” was all the man said. It was the woman’s turn to whisper something to the older man. He sighed and shuffled all his papers together.

“Despite the minor deceit, it’s obviously that you are talented. We’d love to have you meet with some of our producers and if that goes well, possibly the talent we think you’d be a great fit working with,” he said. You didn’t know if you heard had correctly but when the woman smiled at you, your stomached settled slightly and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you. Thank you so much!” you say, bowing to both the man and woman.

“We will email you to set up a meeting with part of our producer team. It was really refreshing to see a talented young woman such as yourself come in,” the woman said, speaking for the first time. You couldn’t help but smile back at her. There was something in the woman’s eye that you could grasp. Pride? A common acknowledgment between women in the music industry?

You hoped it was all the above.

Your meeting with the producing team happened two weeks later. It was at 4pm on a Tuesday and you had loaded up as USB drive, your iPad, your laptop with everything you could think of bringing. You overprepared, putting all of your devices into your bulky, plain backpack. You had the ugly thing since high school and couldn’t bear to part with it. It probably had a few cough drops at the bottom from your last year of high school, maybe a granola bar hidden one of the million of pockets. But that was fine because you had everything you needed. Hopefully you’d be able to provide that to the people you’d be meeting with.

Before leaving your apartment, you looked in the mirror. You wore a royal blue sweatshirt, dark black jeans, some sleek boots with cutouts on the side. With your signature beanie--the one you wore to your audition--you knew that this was as good as you were going to get. You weren’t very girly and sometimes, you felt self-conscious about it. But you felt at your most comfortable and at ease when you were in jeans and a crew neck sweatshirt. You felt cozy and you could feel your anxiety quickly slipping away. But you hated to admit that you didn’t even own a dress. You thought to yourself, though, because wasn’t like you were going to wear one or a suit of any kind to this meeting. You were meeting with music producers, for God’s sake. You still wanted to impress, though. This could be your chance to work with one of the most buzzed about music companies in the country, one that you actually admired.

And you were lucky when they didn’t kick you out at the audition for not reading directions.

You easily arrived at the Big Hit offices. When you checked in, you were given a water bottle and asked to wait. Two minutes past four, you were ushered into a conference room with six people already sitting at a sleek, modern conference table. Everyone at the table got up to shake your hand and you reciprocated, bowing in respect as you did so. After taking a seat, the woman who was in your audition came in, shut the door, and sat at the head of the table. Everyone quickly settled in for the meeting.

“Everyone, this is Y/L/N Y/F/N, the one we found through the open audition,” the woman said, smiling. A bit of excitement shifted through the group. You smiled at the group, gripping the hem of your sweatshirt tightly, needing something to hold on to in order to not just internally combust.

“Oh she’s the one that couldn’t read the audition notice?” one of the producers asks. He looks nice enough, wears glasses, and looks like he hasn’t ever worn a suit in his entire life. You try not to look embarrassed but it’s hard not to when a handful of the other producers laugh.

“Yes, she is.” the woman says, “but it’s hard to ignore talent. I know some of you have seen the tape but we’ll play it again as a quick refresher.” You wait until the lights go out and the video is pulled up to hide your face in your fingers. You hated watching yourself on tape and listening to your singing voice. The tape started up, showing you almost tripping over the cord of your looper mic.  

You heard the lyrics come through the conference room speakers and you wanted to disappear. Seeing other people react to a video of you projected onto a big screen, singing a rather personal song, made your stomach clench and the breath catch in your throat. You’d hoped that someone would whisper or talk to the person next to them while the video was playing to ease the tension in your head and in your heart but everyone remained silent until the lights came back up.

“Wow,” said a voice. You saw a woman, probably the only other female producer at Big Hit. The one who went by ADORA. She definitely had been one of your inspirations to audition. The only female staff producer at Big Hit.

All  the producers were starting to talk amongst one another, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit of sweat appearing. You looked from the female executive from your audition to the rest of the group, letting your eyes wander around the room, too embarrassed to keep your vision in one place. Why were you like this? Couldn’t even confidently take a compliment.

“I’m glad that you all could meet with Y/N today. I wanted to get everyone together to get to know her. I also asked her to bring some of her other work. I know we are about to gear up on some big projects and I thought she might be a good addition to the production team,” she continued.

A tall man sitting towards the middle raised his hand to speak, “Why don’t you play some of your work. Maybe the full length version from your audition song and maybe one of your favorites?”

“Sure,” you said, trying not to fumble with the backpack between your legs. You push yourself out to get into the bag. You grabbed your laptop, trying not to make a bunch of noise while doing so but failing, and pulled up the full length file of your audition song. Testing the volume, it’s definitely loud enough for all the producers in the room to hear it. With a quick breath, you press play. While your looper played a part in the recording, there are other instruments--guitar and piano specifically--and all the producers at the table quiet to listen.

It’s the longest two and a half minutes of your life as they listen. Your fingers drum against your thighs as the song soars to it’s climax, your nails digging a bit into them as well, palms sweaty. This song is is raw for you but that’s something you don’t want to let on.

It ends and everyone sounds and looks pleased as you look around.

It was then that you realized there was someone sitting in an armchair on the far side of the room. Arms folded over one another, bucket hat low over their eyes. But your attention is pulled away when someone else at the table speaks up.

The producer eagerly says, “What else do you have?”

You quickly sift through your media player list before stopping on a song titled “It Carries.” Your heart stops for a moment. This song is one of your favorites but it also is a painful reminder. Not just about a past you’d like to forget but a humiliation that your best friend Seoyun would tell you was not your fault. You didn’t realize that you just sat there quietly for a beat too long.

“Y/N?” the lady executive asks.

“Sorry,” you say quickly, shaking it off, “Was stuck between two…Hm, this one is called ‘It Carries.’ I actually wrote it for...an old friend. He’s the one rapping, but I wrote everything.”

Throwing your nerves into the wind, you press play, letting the 808-filled beat fill the conference room. Again the room goes silent, that that makes you nervous. Beginning vocals finish and the rap begins, you notice the person in the back of the room lean forward, elbows on their knees. It doesn’t help that you can’t see their face. They’re probably another one of the producers.

The party that wrenches your heart the most comes up and you have to remind yourself to breathe. You take a deep breath but it’s shakier than you were planning on it to be.

‘But you say “it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine Words aren’t always necessary” My heart squeezes in love and in thanks And I don’t feel as broken as before’

As it finishes, you let out a breath you didn’t realize that you were holding. There is some applause but you aren’t really paying attention. The tall producer raises his hand to quiet everyone again. “That was really amazing. You wrote those raps?” he asked.

“Yes... I wrote them,” you said, which was all you could manage. Your nerves were still bubbling.

“The flow is amazing. The rapping is good but the lyrics…” he trailed off.

“The rapper had an exceptional songwriter to help him out,” said a deep, slightly scratchy voice. It came from the person in the back, the one whose face you couldn’t see in the dimmed light of the conference room. You looked as closely from where you sat and when he raised his head, you tried not outwardly gasp.

Your complimenter was none other than Min Yoongi, Suga of BTS, one of the most well-known and spoken-about young producers in the industry. But...why was he sulking in the back of a preliminary producer meeting? Didn’t he have songs to write, press to do, anything else but sit in on your meeting? Why in the heck was he here? And he listened to some rather personal songs of yours too. Your face had never felt so hot.

“You’re absolutely right,” the female executive said, making no comment as to why the idol was sitting in the back of this meeting.

The tall producer came back around. “You’ve got an interesting point of view and I’d love to see what you can do. I work with BTS but am also overseeing the new boy group who are working towards their debut.”

You perked up a bit, your attention finally at least partly restored after having been trying really hard not to start at the international superstar just sulking in the corner of the room.

“Really?” you asked, a smile forming on your lips, your eyes moving to bulge just slightly out of your head. Was this all really happening?

“Really,” he said, smiling, “You won’t be exclusive to any team but I think you’d be a great use to many of the projects currently in the words at BigHit.” Everyone looked to be in agreement but your eyes couldn’t help but go back to Min Yoongi in the back. His arms still crossed, he didn’t have much of a reaction...despite what he said to you earlier; to be more specific, what he said about you.

The meeting started to die down and everyone was getting out of their chairs and talking. You took a sip out of your water bottle as two of the younger producers--whose names you recognized from the long list of BTS credits--included you into conversation, asking you about your influences. The rest of the time was spent talking to the two of them, as well as the other producers.

They both gave you their numbers as they mentioned they’d also be working on most of the current projects in production and that you’d be spending a lot of time together so getting to know one another would be beneficial. You wholeheartedly agreed and found them easy to talk to, quickly relaxing into the conversation. Getting to know them was like some sort of...weird reality.

You felt as if you might have to pinch yourself any second.

You were talking to one of the younger producers when they beckoned someone over. You looked over your shoulder to see Suga of BTS--Min Yoongi, if you were to be more correct in this situation--holding a soda can between his fingers. You hadn’t seen him talk to anyone until now besides the female executive from earlier.

“Hey, hyung,” one of the guys said to him, “Ready to go back to the studio?”

He turned his gaze from his drink to the producer and you could finally really see his face, even if it was still partly hidden under his hat. The first thing that definitely struck you was his eyes. Dark and intense, not that you didn’t already know that. You’d seen pictures of him, seen his performances at all the music award and variety shows. But cameras and televisions rarely captured the true reality. They were truly stunning.

It was then. It was then that it really hit you that Min Yoongi was standing a mere four feet away from you. He was perhaps one of the biggest inspirations for auditioning for Big Hit in the first place. You never really considered yourself ARMY but you respected the group and their interest in being involved in the creation of their work. Especially the rap line as they also were considered the main contributors. You admired what they and BigHit doing, what they stood for.

And you had a feeling that you were going to get to be part of it.

You tried not to visibly vibrate with excitement right in front of him. Why would you be calm and collected around him? You’d never met any idols or famous actors, singers, etc. in your entire life. It was jarring to realize that he was just hanging out in the back of the conference room while you showed some of your personal work with the producing team. You rarely shared your music with your family, let alone your friends. Seoyun, was the only one who could pry the work out of you...but usually under force or threat.

But she of all people knew what these two songs meant to you. And having a famous idol hear your work before you even knew he was in the room...it scattered your brain just a bit. You still kind of felt like an idiot, though.

“Yeah, sure,” Yoongi said in a low and tired-sounding timbre.

Part of you was curious as to what they are working on and part of you kind of wanted to ask if you can tag along. But the realist side of you laughed at the idea. You haven’t been in the building more than two hours and you were already itching to know more, do more, see more. But you keep quiet because you knew it was just your excitement. Nothing like this had ever happened in your life and you’re still not even sure if it’s even real. You could wake up at any moment. It’s a dream, right?, you keep asking yourself.

It’s not. It’s the start of the rest of your life.

“Cool,” the other producer said, shoving their hands into their pockets. The water bottled crinkled a little in your hands. “It was really great meeting you, Y/N. Work calls but we’ll see you soon, yeah? I think the plan is to get into get things set up in the next week,” he continued.

“Sounds great,” you replied genuinely. The two producers turned towards Yoongi and the three of them started to leave but before they could make head way out of the conference room, the man in question turned back towards you with a hand raised in a non-moving wave.

“See you around,” he said.

“You too,” you managed to respond, returning the small wave but dropping that hand to wrap around your other wrist in front of you. You couldn’t help the smile that appeared on your face. Your first two words to Min Yoongi. They could have been worse...or more embarrassing.

Seriously, you needed someone to slap you back to reality.

He turned around and left with the two producers. One was Shin Donghyuk--also known as Surpeme Boi--and the other was Kim Yunseo, a newer addition to the BigHit team, but you had been familiar with some of his independent work before he joined. They were going to be heavily involved in the work for the upcoming projects, both BTS’ comeback and the new boy group debut.

Tossing your finished water bottle in the appropriate bin, the female executive who rooted for you, Lee Hayoon, approached you. She had a stern yet friendly smile as she came towards you, with the producer known as ADORA in tow.

“I hope you are enjoying yourself. I see you you already met Donghyuk-ssi and Yunseo-ssi. That’s great because you’ll be working with them a lot,” she said, “We considered hiring a new slew of producers for the new group but Donghyuk insisted on working both albums. Yunseo is, after you, the newest producer. Glad to have you on the team, Y/N.”

The woman you knew to be known as ADORA smiled. “My name is Moon Eun-hye,” she said, making a small bow, “It’s so nice to have another woman on the team finally. Your work is stunning for how young you are.” You beam just a bit as you really respect her work as ADORA.

“Thank you so much. I really admired your work on the last album,” you said returning the bow, trying not to gush. Eun-hye seemed so low-key and dresses casually, much like how you usually dress. What you were currently wearing was you dressing up to impress. This girl made sweats and a ripped t-shirt look cool.

“Aw, thanks,” she said, “Seriously...I can’t wait to work with you. Us girls definitely have to stick together.” She gave you her number and the three of you talked about what was next. Hayoon said that you’d be looped in with the studio/recording coordinator to get updated on the current schedule. They’d be doing a few team dinners for the various projects that were coming up, coinciding with whatever you got placed on. Whether it was primarily the BTS comeback or the boy group debut. Hayoon assured that you’d have time to learn about the group once and if you started working with them, if that was the decision that would go first.

The get together finally died down and you said your goodbyes, only a few hours later getting various calendar invites. You’d be officially signing your contract the next time you came to BigHit. You were having your brother-in-law--a lawyer--look it over before you signed.

Those technicalities and small things were the last things on your mind. You were making your dreams come true and you were doing it on your own.

You also couldn’t wait to tell the people who loved and supported you the most.

An important event was coming up so the dance, studio, and overall rehearsal schedule was in full swing. Not only did the guys have to share a company with a new group, the company was flocking with new people and faces due to obvious and needed expansion. While they all thought that they knew everyone, there was always someone new popping out from the woodwork.

“Hey, hyung,” Jimin shouted over towards Namjoon while sitting on the floor stretching, “Did you hear about the new producer they just hired?” Both Jimin and Jungkook were fanned out on the floor, getting ready for a dance practice. Hoseok was already in front of the mirror, lightly going through the steps as usual.

“I did,” Namjoon said, rubbing the back of his neck, “I don’t know anything other than that the producer is a girl.”

Jimin and Jungkook both looked at one another. Eun-hye-noona was the only other female producer so this was an interesting development. You’d be the second female staff producer so of course you were of interest. The way you got hired, too, was definitely something that triggered a lot of attention as well.

“What’s going on?” Taehyung asked as he walked over and sat down to join the rest of the youngers.

“The new producer they just hired is a girl,” Jungkook said excitedly. The four of them were talking amongst themselves while Hoseok was still working in front of the mirror, Jin was sitting on a rolling chair playing a game on his phone and Yoongi was getting some water. Shaken from his thoughts, he heard Jimin over his shoulder.

“Yoongi-hyung, do you know anything about the new girl producer?” Jimin asked, Jungkook and Taehyung hanging onto the question.

“She’s good,” he said casually, turning back to his water bottle. Exclamations erupted.

“You heard her work????” Taehyung asked, breaking the commotion.

Yoongi put the bottle down, turned around, and walked over to the four guys. They were all awash with excitement and moved in towards him as well.

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asked. Jimin followed, leaning his hands and arms over Jungkook’s shoulder in expectation.

“I was at the studio and Hayoon-noona asked me to sit in on a meeting,” Yoongi said, crossing his arms, looking up at towards the brim of the baseball cap on his head.

“So, she’s actually good?” Namjoon asked, looking Yoongi over in question, “I’m surprised they even met with her a second time after all that confusion.”

Yoongi whipped out his phone, deciding to pull up the song he asked Hayoon to send over to him. “She brought a looper in with her for her audition. You can’t really ignore that. It’s creative”

Namjoon’s eyes widened. “Wow, that’s actually really cool,” he said, watching Yoongi pull up the song. Namjoon called out for Jin and Hobi to come over.

“I asked Hayoon-noona to send me the song she played for us in the meeting,” Yoongi added, moving to press play.

“What is this-” Jin said before Jimin cut him off with a ‘Shhhh’

A hip hop tone with a bit of electronic and tropical flowed through the horrible iPhone speakers, filling the studio. Hobi and Jungkook immediately started moving their head and shoulders while the others listened intently.

It was the “It Carries” song that you had played the group in your meeting.

The vocals and rap line move seamlessly on top of the melody and production. Namjoon’s chin sits in his hands as he moves it along, deep in though. Yoongi doesn’t move or sway but he’s super intent on listening to the song, something he done a number of times since asking Hayoon-noona to send it to him.

“Who’s rapping?” Jimin asks. By this time, he’s moving his fingers to the beat.

“Don’t know,” Yoongi said, “He’s okay, I guess, but what’s more interesting is that she wrote all the rap and lyrics in addition to producing the song.” Namjoon and Hoseok were intrigued. “She’s only a year older than Kookie,” he said as the song came to its end. Everyone was surprised by that. Once again, they all erupted into conversation.

“Take notes, Kookie,” he said, pocketing his phone and looking pointedly at the maknae, “If you want to continue producing music…”

“Don’t come for me, Yoongi-hyung,” Jungkook said defiantly. The others laughed at the exchange. “Regardless....you seem to know a lot about her,” Jungkook teases. The others join in and it takes Yoongi what’s left of his energy to not say something back.

After practice ended, he ended up spending the majority of the night at the studio after Hoseok and Yunseo left. The three of them were working on a song but Yoongi wanted to to stay behind after they left.

He had been working on some tweaks for a collaboration with a huge western artist but all of a sudden, a thought came to him. A rush of inspiration had led him to his piano and he laid down a melody line. It was one of the first things he was truly proud of and something that wasn’t spurred by necessity. It was something just for him in that moment, something that brought a wide smile to his face as he reached for the soggy iced Americano on his desk.

Maybe it would be something he’d save for the next mixtape. Maybe...just maybe he wouldn’t have to wait that long.

Your family was so proud.

They had been apprehensive of you pursuing music because of the question of stability but in the end, they just wanted you to be happy. You went to university to please them, but majored in music production. They felt more secure in that choice. Sound engineers were always in demand, at least. That’s how they thought anyway. You couldn’t blame them and you did want to make them proud. But there were moments when you were sure that you knew yourself. You knew that you could never do a job that you weren’t passionate about.

You’d always been sensitive and pursuing medicine or an office job...you had a feeling ity would essentially destroy you.

You had lovely friends in university, most of whom you are still close to, but well into your second year, you met and started dating another music production major. Even thinking or saying his name was still painful, though. It had been months since you broke up and you’d begun to heal. Your heart was finally mending and your friends and music were your saving graces. You don’t know where you would be without Seoyun’s pushy behavior or your sister’s quote-laden pep talks over skype or the cave that was your music studio set up in your small studio apartment. The tail end of your relationship had caused a lot of rifts in your heart and life. While you didn’t rearrange your whole life, there were a lot of things you changed after your break up.

After appearing on a famous reality rap show and making it to the end...the funny, charming, aspiring rapper you called your boyfriend and best friend dumped you over text message.

You had relied on your family and friends a lot in the past several months. So seeing you happy about something again made them happy. You really hated being a burden to your friends and family. The idea that they worried so much about you did a number on your anxiety. All you wanted was for your parents and friends to be proud of the artist and person you were. Working for one of the most talked-about music companies in the industry was only something you’d dreamed about. Music had been your life since you were little, ever since you had begged for piano and guitar lessons. Practicing piano for hours a day was a hassle to most of your friends but to you, those lessons were the best part of your week. Guitar quickly became a second love, too.

Before this opportunity, you had seriously considered moving back with your parents, the small cafe job you had up until now barely even helping you make rent. But you knew that you’d soon be getting a paycheck from one of the most profitable companies in music. You deleted that email draft to your landlord, stating that you’d be leaving at the end of your lease.

Things were looking up in more ways than one.

In celebration, your best friend in the world, Park Seoyun, had convinced you to go out the Saturday before your first day officially at BigHit.

She was a social butterfly and had a lot of cool and influential friends. Sometimes you weren’t sure whiy she still kept you around but she did. While she was also the fun friend, she was also the mom friend. Always nagging you and making sure you were taking care of yourself, not just while you were both in university. She actually worked at one of the big companies in a coordinator position and she knew where anyone who was anything would be. Dominoing into tonight, she knew someone who could get the two of you through the VIP entrance to one of the hottest clubs in Seoul.

Clubs were never one of your things but once in a while, letting loose didn’t sound like a horrible idea. However, she’d dressed you up. You weren’t a super fashionable person. You liked a more athletic look in contrast to Seoyun’s sexy, feminine fashion sense. In your signature black, she squeezed you into a short turtleneck bodycon dress and some of her more stable, platformed boots. Heels had always been your enemy and you threw anything that had a stiletto back her way. She had to concede.

As she promised, getting in was a breeze. You were able to slink right in, of course pissing off all the people in the line that wrapped around the block. You couldn’t help but smile a little as the two of you tripped over your own feet into the club.

Your friend insisted on taking a photo before entering the VIP section, where cameras were not allowed. You did your classic peace sign near your face in front of the neon light display. You assesed yourself in a mirror nearby. You looked cute, you guessed. Cute was the most you could muster. Sexy? Don’t even try, you’d tell yourself. Seoyun had a claim on that territory already. But you were fine with being cute. Sexy wasn’t something you actively tried to achieve. After touching up, you two made your way over to the VIP section. Seoyun made flirty small talk with the bouncer and the two of you were in there in seconds.

Yeah, there were definitely celebrities littering the area. Seoyun even walked right up to some actor that you recognized but couldn’t name….and they knew one another. You weren’t surprised as you took the hand the tall, handsome actor offered when greeting you. “Y/L/N, Y/N?”

“Uh, hi. How did you know my name?” you asked., honestly a little incredulous.

“Honestly Y/N, he went to school with us,” she said. Your eyes widened because you didn’t remember him. “It’s fine, you didn’t go out a lot. You may not know him.”

You rolled your eyes at her and apologized to him but you still smile a little because it was true. You had been too busy with your music and...your boyfriend. Maybe if you took your social life a little more seriously while in university, you’d have been friends with the actor too. Seoyun was your first year roommate and despite the two of you being soul twins, you both really were so different. Jisoo had been kind enough to get the three of you drinks so for a moment, he disappeared.

Seoyun stiffened and it caught you off-guard. What was she looking at? “Don’t look over your right shoulder are your new neighbors,” You scrunch your nose in confusion but quickly look, trying to mask it as a scratch.

“I said don’t look!” your friend screamed through her teeth and you quickly whip your head back in her direction in response to her order.

“Calm down,” you said, “Who’s there?” You were surprised any of them were there. They were notoriously absent from the party scene. At least, that’s what Seoyun said. Then again, so were you. At least you had that in common.

“Them. I think all of them,” she said but not sounding so sure, just as the actor--Lee Jisoo, whose name you just remembered--came back with three drinks. You definitely did see that drama with him in it. You had definitely watched the whole thing, too. He smiled at both of you as you clink your glasses together.

“Who’s here?” Jisoo asks after taking a sip. You suddenly feel awkward but Seoyun is quick to gab.

“BTS,” she said. Jisoo looked over and nodded with a thoughtful pout.

“I rarely see them out. Surprised, staff is loosening the reins,” he said. However, it didn’t look like they were being bothered by anyone. It was probably nice for them, you thought, that the could go out and blow off some steam without being harassed once in while.

“It just so happens that Y/N here is getting signed to BigHit,” she says after taking a large gulp of her drink. You gave her a look. Your contract wasn’t even signed yet and you didn’t want anything risking it but you let it go because on the other hand, your socially connected best friend was proud as hell of you.

“I’ll be working on various projects as a producer,” you say, keeping it that, just in case. You didn’t want anything to harm the signing of your contract. But you were proud. You were very excited. Jisoo congratulated you, said that he knew a few of the boys, and then laughed at something else Seoyun said. Sometimes you were jealous of her since she had such an easy way with people. You were the opposite most of the time. You were really shy until you eased yourself into the situation and got more comfortable. You had never been the type to just go up to people you didn’t know but you adapted quickly once you slotted in and often fed off the energy of others.  

Continuing to talk, the three of you had managed to shift your standing positions so that the group was now at the edge of your peripheral. You didn’t want to go over and disturb them. Besides, you had only ever been introduced to Yoongi and that was only for a millisecond. You couldn’t even see Yoongi at the moment but what if he was there and he saw you and you saw him and he thought it was rude that you didn’t come over? You were used to overthinking things so you were hoping that even the smallest of sips would help ease the anxiety settling into the pit of your stomach like squishy rocks.

Why were you like this? Ugh.

You continued to flit in and out of the conversation with Seoyun and Jisoo and the feeling of them within your peripheral. Something unexpected happened instead. Two of members approached the three of you. Mid-sip you tried not to choke on the large gulp you just took.

“It’s Y/L/N, Y/N, right?” says the shorter of the two who approached. You were almost 100% certain that was Kim Taehyung. A large, wide smile and impeccable style. The taller, you knew, was Kim Namjoon, the leader of the group. You knew that for sure. But wait a minute, how---? How did they knew you were you? You looked around for a moment but still didn’t see Yoongi.

“Yes,” you said, your glass still held tightly between your fingers, “Hi.” You were glad that you managed at least those two words. He smiled at you and there was something about him that eased whatever nerves you had before. It was true. He didn’t look human in real life. You smile and make yourself take a deep breath. You’d likely be working with the group soon on their upcoming album. In a way, they were kind of your co-workers? Being nervous around them wasn’t going to make anything easier.

“It’s nice to actually meet you. We’ve heard a bit about you,” Namjoon chimes in, shaking your hand, followed by Tae. The two of them also introduce themselves to Seoyun and Jisoo, though Taehyung knew Jisoo as an acquaintance through mutual friends. The five of you fell into conversation and it wasn’t long before Jimin came and joined, introducing himself to you and your group.

“We loved your song, by the way,” Jimin said enthusiastically, “That hook…” Your eyes widened a little as you subconsciously pulled your lips in between your teeth, a small smile tearing at the corners. Some of the most celebrated artists in the industry loved your work. Sometimes, this kind of validation could be enough to drag you out of your shy comfort zone.

“Oh, thank you so much,” you said, “Which song?” You were doing all you could to not visibly shake. Park Jimin had the voice of an angel and if you were lucky enough to keep impressing BigHit, he might end up singing your work.

“I think it was “It Carries”?” Jimin said, calling over your shoulder, “Yoongi-hyung, Y/N’s song you played for us...it was “It Carries,” right?” You turned over your shoulder a little too quickly, hitting Jisoo in the face with your hair. You muttered a quick sorry to him. They’d passed around your song. God, your face couldn’t be any warmer, right?

“Yeah,” he said, expressionless, holding three drinks, “that’s the one.” You forced yourself to breathe again. That song had been hard enough to show to the group as it was personal. The fact that the whole group had heard it caused your heart to palpitate. You knew that Hayoon had a copy of it but the idea that someone you didn’t know might have it on their computer or on their phone or in their texts...it was still a little unnerving. A compliment, likely, but still unnerving.

Yoongi moved to hand the three of his group members drinks, which they accepted. “Nice to see you again,” he said to you, shaking his bangs out of his face. There were his eyes again. Soft despite his monotone. He sounded sincere but not overzealous or as if he was saying it to be polite. He was dressed nicely in a simple black blazer, black t-shirt and black jeans. Simple. Unlike what they usually wore for press, concerts, etc.

“You too,” you say in response, feeling yourself ease a little, taking another sip. He seemed perfectly relaxed, as if playing your song for everyone was just the most casual thing he could do...while across from him, your stomach was in knots. However, part of you felt at ease because he took it so casually, as if this whole thing wasn’t changing your life. As if all of this was natural. It was a paradox you couldn’t quite keep away from.

Seoyun who was having a good time, raised her glass. “Just want to make a quick toast to Y/N’s first day on Monday. I have a very hard-working, tireless, and multi-talented best friend,” she said, smiling and leaning into Jisoo just a bit. Your best friend was sweet but a bit of a lightweight, “Cheers to Y/N!!!” Everyone in the circle smiled and joined in.

The rest of the night flew by in a fun frenzy and the three of you ended up joining the group at their booth. You met Hoseok, Jin, and Jungkook shortly after, the three of them working their way through the fancy handle of Grey Goose vodka among their assorted bottle service. Hoseok was definitely the most tipsy and when a song he loved came on, he even pulled Seoyun and yourself in to dance. He was twirling you both around playfully and jokingly, but still managing to dance with more grace than anyone you personally knew.

When Hoseok released the two of you for a break, you found yourself deep in conversation with Namjoon and Yoongi while Seoyun managed to find herself flirting with both Jin and Jisoo. Namjoon and Yoongi both seemed interested in your music taste. They asked you about your musical influences and you found it really nice that they were just as nerdy about music as you were. For a moment, you could have gone to high school with them, as if they might have been in orchestra with you or jazz band.

“Epik High, Missy Elliott, Lady Sovereign, Beyoncé, CL....hands down of all time,” you said and as you took another sip of your drink, it finally made that awful slurping noise. You’d hit ice. Both Yoongi and Namjoon enthusiastically said that Epik High was one of their biggest inspirations to be rappers.

“Do you rap?” Namjoon asked and you couldn’t help be shake your head no. Performing was not in your wheelhouse. God, your audition was nerve wracking enough. Performing in front of hundreds of people? No thank you.

“No, not at all,” you said, “But I like to write them.”

“Like your song,” Yoongi said,, “That was a beautiful rap. You definitely could, if you wanted to.” You softened at the words coming out of his mouth and then some more when Namjoon agreed.

“Yu obviously have amazing musicality. Just like this one here,” Namjoon said, motioning at Yoongi. Yoongi just raised his shoulders the tiniest bit in response. An acknowledgment rather than an agreement.

Namjoon then asked you what you were currently listening to but you were interrupted for a second as Yoongi took the drink from you, leaning down towards the large low table, presumably to top you off.

You quickly snapped back to what Namjoon was saying. “Oh, lately I’ve been listening to WOODZ, Jvcki Wai, and I love Robyn’s newest album,” you say.

“I like Jvcki’s lyrics. Very aggressive flow, too,” Namjoon says enthusiastically and you nod in agreement.

“She doesn’t take prisoners. I think what she is doing is really cool,” you add, “Especially as a woman in hip hop.” You think of her song ‘Anti-’ All your friends really liked music but you were so excited to be working at a company where everyone had the same passion.

“People think she uses a lot of autotune but that’s actually usually just her voice,” you say with a laugh. Both Namjoon and Yoongi smile at your comment, the second handing you a newly made drink.

“Thanks,” you say, taking the tumbler from his hands. A small smile appeared on Yoongi’s lips as he finished making himself another drink. “Lady Sovereign, though?” he asked and you know he’s making fun of you.

“What can I say? My ten year old self was obsessed,” you say, smiling and thinking about the time you dressed up as her for a costume party in elementary school. The few small braids, the side ponytail, and tracksuit were still a look. Taking another gulp of your drink, you were trying to remember which number you were on. You could feel the alcohol in your cheeks at this point. You were tall for a girl and usually you weren’t much of a lightweight. You could handle your liquor but you’d always feel it in your face two drinks in. The feeling was comfortable but the thought of looking drunker than you were was not.

“I was curious, though,” Namjoon said all of a sudden, “Who was the rapper on your track?” You froze for a second for responding just a little too quickly. “An old friend,” you said, perhaps a little colder than you meant. You were trying to convince yourself that your reaction was due to the alcohol, but your face gave away everything.

“Oh, he sounds kind of familiar. That’s the only reason I ask,” Namjoon said and if he caught on to your demeanor change, he didn’t let on. It wouldn’t be surprising if Namjoon had heard of your boyfriend. He did win a huge rap reality show.

As you took another sip, Seoyun came over, dragging Jisoo and Jin with her. Jin was very drunk and leaning onto Seoyun, earning him an annoyed look from Jisoo. “So, I think the plan is for us to ditch and go get yangnyeom tongdak in say...five minutes?” he said, looking at his watch, a fancy digital contraption that flashed 1:00 AM. Wow, you didn’t realize how much time flew by.

Yoongi was the first to reply, as if relieved. “Sounds great to me,” he said, taking the happiest sip of alcohol you thought you’d ever seen. He then drained the whole thing, practically slamming it onto the table, and wiped his mouth with the side of thumb. “Ready!!” He exclaimed, smile on his face. You looked at him in the eye and there was a silent agreement when both of your eyes met.

Food > Clubbing.

Jin, despite how drunk he was, managed to coral all seven boys plus the three of you into the van waiting for you at the back of the club. Everyone toppled in with Seoyun strung out across Jisoo, Jin, and Jungkook in the back. Yoongi shuffled in, helping you up, Taehyung, Hoseok, and Jimin pulling in the rear. The four of them squeezed together and grabbed you to lay out similarly to Seoyun. Taehyung and Hoseok held onto your torso while your head ended up awkwardly pressed against Yoongi’s armpit. You laughed as they hoisted you up, making sure you were comfortable.

The buzz was hanging high in your head and you could hear Seoyun, Hoseok, and Jungkook singing to “thank u, next” as it started on the van speakers. You didn’t sing but every time “next” was said, you punched the air above you with your palms. Minutes and several songs later, the van stopped and both Seoyun and you were hoisted out of the car. Yoongi and Hoseok gave you a hand out, and then lead you through the dark back entrance of the chicken place. All of you stumbled into a large room in the back, not completely closed off from the main restaurant but private enough where no one would know they were back there unless they went looking.

Sliding along the modern wooden bench in your dress proved difficult, Seoyun and Jisoo fumbling in next to you while Yoongi slid his legs through the opening between the table and bench, managing it without making too much of a ruckus. Jin and Yoongi ended up across from one another, both excitedly together. They ordered what seems like a feast for 25 people--not the ten actually there--and as they went through a list that included sweet and spicy chicken, honey garlic chicken, bulgogi flavored chicken, french fries, pickled raddish, and tteokbokki, you finally hear your stomach growling. It didn’t evade Yoongi and Jin’s ears. “Wow that was loud,” you say, trying to laugh it off, a little too drunk to be completely embarrassed. Jin immediately said to their waitress to make it fast as “the lady is hungry.”

Beer and soju arrive and despite the fact you don’t think you can fit any more alcohol in your body. Jin and Jimin challenge everyone to shots of soju and you managed to find more space in your stomach. Not the heaviest of drinkers, you quickly get more comfortable in your surroundings and you finally get the up the courage to pry. You turn to Yoongi and straight up ask him, “What were you working on with Donghyuk-sunbae and Yunseo-sunbae?” Yoongi finished his shot of soju, putting the glass back down on the table with a loud click, then crossed his arms on the ledge of the table.

“Group number for the new album,” he answered, his voice low and a bit slurred, “Trying to decide if we should do something nostalgic or something different. The concept is a lot...dirtier this time? I guess that’s the best way to describe it?” You mimic his arm position without realizing it, leaning onto the edge of the table in front of you. “Why not both?”

Your question makes him laugh. “How would we do that?” he asked, split between confused and curious. You could feel the gears in your brain start to turn. Figuring out the feel of songs you wanted to work on was one of the best parts in your opinion; thinking about what you wanted to convey was a rush. You had an idea of what you were trying to say but fuck it if he laughed it.

“Just think about it, okay,” you say, weirdly proud of yourself, “Do You Think It Makes Sense? meets ‘Tear.’ Maybe really bring out that R&B feel. Hmmmm...there is this really good sample from ‘Gossip Fools’ by Missy Elliott featuring Ludacris, actually.”

“You really dug into the library on that first song,” he said with a smirk. You can’t help but smile. It was true and you had done some refreshing on the BTS library in the last few weeks. Of course, you’d always been familiar with them but the song was a few years old. He looked at you for a moment, contemplating something. It wasn’t a lie that he made you nervous, but the alcohol was helping….for the both of you apparently. “Play the sample,” he said, looking pointedly at your phone.

“What?” you ask, as in...really, dude? But you’re reaching for you phone. You pull up your library and he takes his phone from you and clips the song, which is now playing on full volume. A few of the guys stop talking and look over. Immediately Hoseok starts moving to it and shouts, “MIIIIIIISSSY!!!”

“But slowed down a bit, I think?” you added, and you look at Yoongi’s face and a few gears of his appear to be turning. He turns down the speed to 0.75 instead of normal. Soon enough, they all seem interested in what’s going on. “Definitely more dirty if you slow it down,” you say, without really thinking what you’re saying and a little louder than you mean to.

The guys burst into laughter and it takes everything in you to not just sink into a puddle beneath the table. You’re could feel all  the blood rush to your face. “Just an idea,” you say smally, putting your arms back in your lap. Hoseok starts rapping along to it and after a moment, you can’t help but lightly join. You loved Missy.

Everyone eventually went back to their conversations while Yoongi and you ended up pouring over your music library, smirking at a few embarrassing entries. He even convinced you to play some some random things you’d been working on, including a few piano ramblings. You also mentioned that you also had played guitar since childhood. Piano was your favorite though, you admitted, and he smiled warmly at that and agreed. It was a little off-putting, his smile. It didn’t fit his preapproved aura but it looked so nice among his features. After ribbing you for having “The Shape of My Heart” by the Backstreet Boys on your Spotify’s “Most Recent,” you two eventually looked up to see that food had arrived and everyone was eating. The both of you were quick to pile your plates with chicken and tteokbokki.

You’d never met anyone as passionate about music as you and even though you were sure it was the liquid courage talking, you felt comfortable talking to the rapper. Despite what public decreed his personality to be, it didn’t feel like that when the two of you gushed over the use of vintage 808s. With a mouth full of sweet and spicy chicken, no less. Maybe it was because you could relate and not just on a musical level. You weren’t as outgoing as Seoyun, who was currently threatening to throw a rice cake at Jin, her personality counterpart. You felt at home in your own head and maybe that made you shy in regards to others’ standards. But...sometimes it was moments like these that you felt free enough to talk to someone you admired without getting nervous, without letting your nerves completely immobilize your ability to communicate.

Fuck, you ate too quickly. Part of you just wanted to lay down on your own plate, but there you were...taking another bite of rice cake, trying as you might to fit two whole ones in your mouth. After a moment, Yoongi’s low voice and shoulder jolted you out of your food and beer trance. “Yeah?” you said, mouth full of rice cake.

“Would you want to work on something?” he asked, straight-faced.

A chunk of rice cake might just have fallen out of your mouth at his question. You tried not to look too mortified when he couldn’t contain his laughter. God, you were hopeless. “Um, work on something?” you asked, sure that you couldn’t have heard right.

“With me, yeah. No thoughts on what but...even for fun? Just in general?” he said, rubbing the back of his neck with his free, ringed hand, both of which were turning red due to alcohol. Not that you were clued in enough to notice. Your eyes weren’t even focusing anywhere because you might still have been in shock. But you felt the heat in your face and a fluttering in your heart. There was part of you that couldn’t help but stare. This was was more conversation than you would have expected between the two of you.

“Y-Yeah,” you say, scrambling with a napkin to pick up the rice cake that had hit the table in a bright red splat. You wrapped it up and set it to the side. Did you really hear correctly? Did you just say yes, too? Everything was a little buzzy and raw in your head right at that moment. This whole experience...getting hired by BigHit had sent everything into hyperdrive.

Were your dreams really coming true?

“I would love that,” you couldn’t help by say. You went for another rice cake, careful to keep it from dropping from your chopsticks. Stuffing it into your mouth without caring what you looked like, you sighed. Late night drunk eating was the best. “Almost as much as this rice cake,” you add, grabbing another with and sliding the bowl closer to Yoongi, so he didn’t have to reach over.

“I’ll be honest. I’m honored,” he said, smiling, “This place has the best tteokbokki.” He dug in for some as well and the two continued to chat mostly about what you two were listening to at the moment, even joining in with the group on other topics that were a-buzz at the moment. Jungkook even hopped up to take a group photo of everyone and then a long selfie shot of the group. You leaned over the table to get past Seoyun, Yoongi leaning even farther but his face still ended up getting partially cut off by your head.

It was getting really late and while Yoongi told you the guys didn’t have a schedule tomorrow, they all had things that they probably should get done. They insisted on dropping Seoyun, Jisoo, and yourself off at your place before getting on their way. From there, you left Seoyun and Jisoo at the door to go their separate ways as you made your way up to your studio apartment. Your heart was beating really quickly but you weren’t sure if it was from the several flights of stairs you ascended or the adrenaline that was currently keeping you awake.

Everything felt fumbly as you made your way around your apartment to get ready for bed. You could have just passed out cold in your going-out clothes, crossbody still strapped to your body. However, you managed to peel everything off and throw it on the floor before you threw on the PJ’s you laid out on your bed in preparation. Quickly, you could feel a headache trying to form so you grabbed a large bottle of water from your fridge and placed it on your nightstand. You knew that if you chugged a bunch you’d be fine in the morning.  After getting part of your nighttime routine in, you practically swan dived under the covers, and cocooned yourself in the large down comforter.

Maybe all of tonight was a dream and you had just been in your bed for the last several hours. You didn’t fall asleep for at least an hour because you couldn’t help but stare at the ceiling, trying to put all your thoughts together. You were getting to do what you loved for a living. A trailblazing company took a chance on you after you failed to read instructions on a songwriting submission. But...you would wake up the next day to the text Yoongi sent to you so that you would have his number.

Yeah, that wasn’t a dream at all.

YOU [11:21 AM]: how’s the hangover? SEOYUN [11:30 AM] not great ugh YOU [11:31 AM]: sorry, babe !! drink some ginger ale and have an ibuprofen and go back to sleep. SEOYUN [11:33 AM]: yes, mom. YOU [11:34 AM]: jisoo and you were getting pretty close last night? is it a thing or is it going to be a thing, etc? :eyes emoji: SEOYUN [11:34 AM]: not a thing yeT! i do really like him. doesn’t hurt that he’s fine as hell! YOU [11:34 AM] what about seokjin? i saw jisoo giving him a dirty look…. SEOYUN [11:35 AM]: let’s just blame my drunk self for being too friendly, ok? YOU [11:36 AM]: ah, i cannot imagine a life where boys fight over me. what’s it like in seoyun world? SEOYUN [11:37]: very funny, y/n. not fighting over me, seokjin’s just very friendly and he was very intoxicated. as i just said, so was i! YOU [11:38 AM]: both would be very lucky to have your attention. <3 SEOYUN [11:40 AM] :sobbing emoji: i have the sweetest bff. don’t make me cry, i’m already nauseous. YOU [11:41 AM]: :angel emoji:   SEOYUN [11:43 AM] but the real question is...what did you and yoongi talk about so much, huddled at the end of the table? hmmm? YOU [11:43 AM]: ah, music! just nerdy producer stuff, really…. SEOYUN [11:44 AM]: hmmmmm, interesting…. YOU [11:45 AM]: why is that interesting? SEOYUN [11:45 AM]: no reason, you two just looked cozy. YOU [11:47 AM]: COME ON!! don’t stir the pot seoyunnn SEOYUN [11:47 AM]: if there is an typhoon brewing, no need for me to stir >:) YOU [11:48 AM]: i hate you. this is my first big girl job. Even if there was anything--WHICH THERE ISN’T--risking the opportunity would be the last thing I would do. SEOYUN [11:49 AM]: lying isn’t a good look for you. YOU [11:50 AM]: seriously, though, seoyun! we just nerded out. we were discussing a song he’s currently working on and i played him that missy elliott sample. that song she did with ludacris. SEOYUN [11:51 AM]: let’s just pretend i know what you are talking about. YOU [11:52 AM]: it was fun but we were both really drunk. he asked me if i wanted to work on something with him but i’m just chalking it up to ‘commitments made drunk,’ a common theme among drunk people. SEOYUN [11:55 AM] well, good luck and hopefully he remembers. regardless, i have a very talented best friend and he’d be lucky to work on something with you. :) YOU [11:56 AM]: :blush emoji: sleep tight and let me know if you need me to bring you soup. SEOYUN [11:56 AM]: aweeee. ;;;;;; love you xx

[arthur-rex]

multimentium

Starter for Ygraine Pendragon

They scatter herbs round his feet. Burning incense that releases a heady mix of intoxicants into the midnight air. The humming of words in Old English fills almost every thought in his head, causing his eyelids to flutter. It’s magic, yes, but Arthur can no longer find it within himself to resist. The promise of what this ceremony has to offer overcomes his aversion, subsuming his fear. Panting lightly, Arthur lets the youngest of the High Priestesses touch his shoulder gently, guiding him towards the altar.

The tallest of the women, dressed in crimson robes, awaits him there. Golden tresses fan out around her graceful, swan-like neck, while dark piercing eyes give the impression of a demon animating a human body. Arthur frowns in his stupor, vaguely recollecting that he knows this woman. The hungry expression on her face certainly suggests his presence has been anticipated. As her fellow Priestesses manoeuvre the unresisting prince into position, the woman raises her arms to the heavens, invoking her deity’s blessing. 

Arthur watches it all happen mutely, as if in a slow-moving dream. 

The voice of the High Priestess echoing around the stone table. The slow reveal of the dagger. The hush of the other women. His arm stretched forward to meet the curved blade. Sharp pain. His blood pooling out from the deep cut made in the palm of his right hand. The broken flesh pressed firmly against the rim of a golden chalice. 

The sky overhead rolls with thunder. The blonde woman collecting Arthur’s crimson offering shudders as an ancient magic rushes over her. The blood of the Pendragon is the blood of prophecy, carrying within it the power to determine the fate of many great kingdoms. With Arthur’s blood, destiny itself could be subverted, u n r a v e l l e d... plunging the future into chaos. 

The leader of the High Priestesses laughs obscenely as she observes the cup filled to the brim. Lifting the chalice towards the stars, she raises her voice high above the others: 

“Arthur Pendragon, son of Uther Pendragon. Your offering to the Goddess has been accepted. Speak now your desire of us, for surely it can no longer be denied.” 

Silence follows the immediate aftermath of her words. Against the stone altar, the light panting of the prince’s breathing grows more pronounced. Wearily, Arthur raises his head. This is what he has been waiting for, after all. The promise offered for the blood sacrificed. His blue eyes shine with crystal-clear purpose. But there is a sorrow in their depths too; evidence of an aching loss that has never truly been eased.

The High Priestess slides a hand under his jaw, holding his gaze with hers. “Your desire, my prince?” She repeats.  

Arthur struggles; the thud of his heart labouring in his ears. “My mother.” He gasps finally. “I want you to- bring me back my mother. Alive.” 

Morgause’s lips twitch at the request. “So be it.”

The response is almost immediate. The ground itself trembles as magic violently erupts from the deepest of places. Arthur closes his eyes, swaying with fatigue as his blood continues to spill out of his hand, staining the stone underneath. 

Mother, please... forgive me. 

From high above the clouds, gigantic stalactites of lightening leap down from the heavens, releasing their power upon the earth. The veil between the living and the dead ruptures in a heartbeat. All sound, all movement - all life - stops still in its tracks. 

And the world flashes a blinding white. 

[simonxriley]

Jfksg I'm sorry, i know it'll take a bit to do but for the Valentines alphabet can i get an A-Z for Skylar please? >_

Thank you ^_^

VALENTINE’S DAY ALPHABET  

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Lots of touching, hugging, kissing, terms of endearment, that sort of thing. 

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

She loves flowers, not good at keeping them alive though. Her favorites are peach roses and forget-me-not. 

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

She does, a lot and milk chocolate is her favorite. She could eat a full box in one sitting. 

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

One of her ideal dates is when you load up the bed of a pickup truck with blankets and pillows and stargaze. Skylar has always wanted to do that for a date night, just no one she dates has a truck. She’ll do it anywhere, as long as she can see the stars and with Tachanka of course. Though she would go on the same date with Kapkan since they’re both outdoorsy people. 

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Loves hugs, loves them. Especially when they come from her favorite people. Skylar hugs are tight because ever since she lost her whole squad she’s more keen on being more affectionate since she doesn’t know when someone else can die. 

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Not really, she gets kinda flustered about it. But if someone flirts with her, than she’ll flirt back. 

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

Kinda. If she knows the person she’s giving a gift too really well than yeah it’s easy, but if she doesn’t then it’s a struggle. 

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Slow-ish. She became very reserved after leaving her abusive relationship, afraid that it might happen again. Then she joined Rainbow and met a certain Spetsnaz operator named Tachanka and it was kinda hard not to give her heart to him. 

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Easy. She’s lost enough people in her life to know that life is really short and that you should tell the people you care about most that you love them before it’s too late and you don’t get the chance. 

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

No, she’s not the jealous type and she know Tachanka is her’s. They’re both very confident in the relationship...even if it took them a lot of time telling that too each other. 

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

She’s average. 

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

Besides her parents’ and siblings’, Tachanka. He is such a bright light in her life, someone to help guide her and show her what real, true love is. Going from an abusive relationship to someone who truly cares about her and her well-being is something she’ll never take for granted. He has given her so much hope and happiness and love in such a short amount of time that she can’t picture her life without him. 

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

This is the same question as D lol. 

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

Submissive and dominate and a little kinky. She was a lot more submissive in the beginning of her and Tachanka’s relationship where she just let him take control and he was also doing it to protect her because he’s a big dude..in every aspect. Once things got comfortable for her she became more dominate and let her more naughtier side come to light.  

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

Yes and no. She knows how to express herself and knows the right words to say but at the same time she doesn’t. There are some issues where she can’t find them and blabbers like an idiot. Tachanka, bless his heart just knows what she means and will say what she needs to hear. 

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

I had too. She looks for people who are honest, trust worthy, blunt but in a good way. Someone she knows will have her back and be there for her and vice versa. And someone with a big heart. 

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

She’s traditional, she would expect Tachanka to do it. 

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

Romantic hands down. She grew up with very in love parents’ who would do romantic thing for each other and she took that too heart. Besides she’s actually a hopeless romantic tbh. 

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

She did, his name was Wyatt. They dated through high school until Skylar turned 17. It was a mutual breakup, she was going into the Marines and he was going off to college and they thought it would be easier to just end things. 

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

She does, even after all she’s been through she got wary of finding true love. Skylar has always wanted a relationship like her parents, to find someone who loves her unconditionally. She just had to go through hell and back to find that person. 

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

Yes. That’s all I’ll say on that. 

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

She has a love/hate relationship with it. Hates it when she’s single, loves it when she’s in a relationship. Once she got with Tachanka, valentines day is a full day affair and he spoils her to no end. He goes all out. Breakfast in bed, lots of chocolates, a card with a hand written letter inside it and few small gifts and a fancy dinner later that night. Valentines day also became one of her favorite days because that’s her and Tachanka’s wedding anniversary and their daughter’s Lubov’s birthday.  

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

Yes and she does. Besides growing up with married and very much in love parents, she wanted that. She wanted to find that person she wants to spend the rest of her life with, to raise a family with. Someone she can build a life with, she’s wanted it since she was five years old. And eventually she gets it. 

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Yes and yes. She calls Tachanka Moi Sladkiy (my sweetness), babe, and kotik (pussycat) sometimes. And she likes them in return. She thinks they’re sweet. 

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Yes, she got even more protective after they adopted their first child. She will protect the people she cares about with everything she has. 

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

Wyatt (ex-boyfriend) Henry (abusive ex-boyfriend) Tachanka (Current boyfriend/soon to be husband) and she’s had a few other hookups. So I’m saying between like 5-7 people. 

[harbingham]

                   Harry took one look at the survey && rolled his eyes. What a waste of fucking time. As if they were all going to BOND because a survey supposedly confirmed they could be  f r i e n d s  . Or at the very least good roommates ?? Whatever. Harry quickly wrote his name, crossing out the rest of the questions with EASE. Besides, they knew who he was already.

          Instead, cursive letters inked the paper — If you put me with someone annoying, I’ll make sure the trip is absolute hell. Ending the sentence with a thick period, annoyance festering as it usually did with life’s POINTLESS trifles.

                    The usual smug smirk dipped over his lips, carelessly turning the questionnaire in without a second thought.

so yeahhh, because my son is the way he is ... i filled it out for him bless up. why do i love harry bingham when i fucking hate him ?? idk fam, idk.

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Harold Theodore Bingham PRONUNCIATION: H EH - r uh l d   th EE - uh - d aw r    b IH  ng-uh m   MEANING: estate ruler  /  army leader  REASONING: Harold was his great-grandfather’s name, while Theodore is is father’s name that’s been passed down for quite a while as either a first/middle kinda deal NICKNAME(S): Harry, Har ( though he doesn't like it  ) Bingham, Pretty Boy PREFERRED NAME(S): Harry, just Harry unless you want a punch or a mean remark bless BIRTH DATE: April 13th, 2001 AGE: 18 ZODIAC: Aries !! GENDER: Male PRONOUNS: He/Him ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Heteroromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual NATIONALITY: American ETHNICITY: wonder bread

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: West Ham, CT HOMETOWN: West Ham, CT SOCIAL CLASS: Upper/Close to the 1% FATHER: Theodore Bingham † MOTHER: Karen Bingham SIBLING(S): Stacy Bingham ( 12 ) BIRTH ORDER: Harry, Stacy PET(S): In the Bingham household ?? Never. OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: He’s surrounded by family, they usually always have at least two reunions a year. However he’s never felt close to them ?? So he’d never list their names here really. He’s only somewhat close to his immediate family. Though, he was close to his nanny growing up if that counts bless PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: it’s a list of like ... relatively short lasting relationships, hookups, && one night stands, until his most recent, kelly, which is probably his longest lasting one ?? ARRESTS?: Technically, on record, none :). He’s definitely been caught like, trespassing, underage drinking, && drunk driving lbh ... but yeah, no record. i hate him. PRISON TIME?: N/A

OCCUPATION & INCOME

SOURCE OF INCOME: intern at parent’s company  /  his parents CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: he doesn’t really like it tbh, but it’s done his family well so after college he definitely plans to continue the legacy && make if flourish even more. PAST JOB(S): n/a SPENDING HABITS: *throws money in trash can* MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: the gold ring with the bingham family insignia his father gave him when he turned 13 ( made him feel like he finally belonged you feel )  though he’d tell you it’s everything he owns ... i hate him

SKILLS & ABILITIES

TALENTS: bringing people together ( or apart ), lightening the mood ( or you know, fucking it up too ), banter, racing, fixing cars SHORTCOMINGS: oh honey — saying shit he doesn’t mean, his own arrogance, addictive personality, emotional invulnerability, aloof nature, shall i continue ?? LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English, French, Italian DRIVE?: Hell yeah JUMP-STAR A CAR?: Yes CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: Yes, but he’d rather pay someone to do it before ever doing it himself RIDE A BICYCLE?: nope catch me crying SWIM?: Yes PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: Does learning the recorder in 3rd grade count ?? PLAY CHESS?: Yes BRAID HAIR?: Yes ( Stacy made him learn since he was the only one home most of the time ) TIE A TIE?: Yes, his father practically taught him that in the womb. PICK A LOCK?: nah. he’s more into the jump the fence, break some glass, make a fucking scene, kinda trespassing

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: Alex Fitzalan EYE COLOR: dark brown, specks of gold in natural light HAIR COLOR: Chestnut Brown HAIR TYPE/STYLE: Curly && wavy, his hair texture kinda varies by each strand unless he properly styles it ... which he does when feeling okay GLASSES/CONTACTS?: No, but he definitely likes the aesthetic of glasses sometimes. Like bet money on his ivy interviews he wore glasses ... did i mention i hate harry bingham ?? DOMINANT HAND: Right HEIGHT: 5′10″ WEIGHT: 140/150ish lbs ??? BUILD: Slender Muscular EXERCISE HABITS: it’s rather irregular and depends heavily on his mood. if he’s in a good/okay mood then a few times a week. otherwise it’s hard to do much of anything, let alone work out you know. SKIN TONE: light with pink/tan undertones TATTOOS: none PIERCINGS: none MARKS/SCARS: small dark birth mark near his right, outer ankle. shoulders/back && cheeks tend to get rather freckly in the summer && he hates it. some random cuts && bruises from blacked out drunk/high escapades, the occasional hickey bye. NOTABLE FEATURES: dimples when he actually smiles, white af teeth, the hair™ USUAL EXPRESSION: either completely unamused or smirking tbh CLOTHING STYLE: designer, preppy — think polos, ironed pants, or cuffed skinny jeans, all paired with some boat shoes. sometimes when he’s not feeling so great he’ll wear a plain tee/hoodie JEWELRY: gold pinky ring ( mentioned above ), apple watch on occasion ALLERGIES: long haired cats BODY TEMPERATURE: runs hot 😏 DIET: no such thing, boy’s metabolism is fast, the lucky son of a bitch. PHYSICAL AILMENTS: N/A

PSYCHOLOGY

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral TEMPERAMENT: Choleric  /  Melancholic ELEMENT: Fire MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: Anxiety, Depression, Toxic Masculinity 👀 SOCIABILITY: Moody™, but very social. Popular™. EMOTIONAL STABILITY: um ... he tries ?? it’s not good though, nope. PHOBIA(S): autophobia ( fear of being alone ),  atychiphobia ( fear of failure ) ADDICTION(S): coffee, opiods, alcohol, etc DRUG USE: yes please ALCOHOL USE: yes please PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: if provoked yes, or if he feels the need to protect/stand against something.

MANNERISMS

QUIRKS: easily annoyed, rolls his eyes a lot, has a comeback for almost everything ( even if it’s just a fuck you ) HOBBIES: cars, racing, sailing ( learned from his dad ),  HABITS: drinking, swearing, pills, drinks coffee every morning NERVOUS TICKS: furrowed brows, pacing/unable to stand still, hand twitching, squinting eyes DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: Money, Perfectionism, doing the Bingham name justice FEARS: Being forgotten, Isolation, Losing the rest of his family/the few he cares about, Death, Fatal Illness POSITIVE TRAITS: Charming, Adventurous, Witty, Ambitious, Assertive, Protective NEGATIVE TRAITS: Moody, Enigmatic, Cocky, Prideful, Destructive, Sarcastic, Stubborn, Impatient SENSE OF HUMOR: sarcastic, dark DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: he fucking literally fucking says fuck every fucking other fucking word :D CATCHPHRASE(S): fuck you cassandra, fuck off, fuck you, fuck me, fuck that, we’re playing fugitive tonight

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: Racing  /  Sailing ANIMAL: Otters BEVERAGE: any && all alcohol™ ... or secretly strawberry hi-c don’t @ him. BOOK: never let me go by kazuo ishiguro CELEBRITY: Margot Robbie COLOR: Navy Blue && Dark Gray DESIGNER: Balenciaga && Ralph Lauren FOOD: loaded fries FLOWER: blue stars GEM: Sapphire/Diamond HOLIDAY: halloween MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: he has a lot of favorite cars, but his black maserati ( aka the fugitive car ) is probably his favorite. he also likes helicopters MOVIE: Fight Club, The Wolf on Wall Street, The Breakfast Club MUSICAL ARTIST: blackbear, Drake are two of his go-tos, though the list is long QUOTE/SAYING: “Just do it.” boy bye SCENERY: nothing like overlooking a long wooden dock into a bright blue lake surrounded by trees  SCENT: cedar, sandalwood — anything kinda woody/musky ?? bless. SPORT: golf SPORTS TEAM: his father always rooted for the yankees, so he roots for the yankees TELEVISION SHOW: Mad Men WEATHER: cloudy with just a bit of sun peaking through, bright blue sky — not too hot, not too cold. VACATION DESTINATION: anywhere near a body of water, though he’s particularly fond of lake como in italy cause there’s a bit of everything ?? mountains, the lake, beautiful architecture, etc :’)

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: living that ‘american dream’ baby GREATEST FEAR: peaking in high school, being forgotten/not wanted (yet you push people away boii water u doing ?!), being vulnerable ... again there’s a long fucking list MOST AT EASE WHEN: in a fast car, living that reckless™ lifestyle LEAST AT EASE WHEN: realizing what a dumbass he is && having to apologize for it BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: getting into brown && columbia off some actual merit && not just money wow BIGGEST REGRET: not really being there for his dad near the end bc that would mean being vulnerable && saying goodbye coming on this fucking trip MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: losing the student body president position to cassandra BIGGEST SECRET: which one you want honey ?? TOP PRIORITIES: for everything to stay the same  /  go back to the way it was  :) :( :) :(

[feinkomo-blog]

B A S I C S :

FULL NAME: Fein Komo

NICKNAME(S): Little Dreamwalker to Dorian.  

DATE OF BIRTH / AGE: Sometime in the beginning of the year / 27

ORIENTATION: Pansexual.

OCCUPATION: Jedi Padawan / X Wing Pilot

SPECIES: Mirialan.

P H Y S I C A L :

FACE CLAIM: Toni Mahfud

HEIGHT: 6′12’

WEIGHT: 180lbs

EYES: Light amber brown.

HAIR: Black, lightening to blonde in some places from his time under the sun in the pits. He keeps it long, cutting it to shoulder length at Yavin. 

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: A variety of old and new scars along his body from his fights, and a network of tattoos in various places along his body. His tattoos are the one part of his culture Fein embraces fully. His life is made worthy by the actions he takes - the things he does and does not do - and he marks them on his skin so that when he is dead his loved ones can weight his deeds and deem him worthy or not. 

B A C K G R O U N D :

HOMETOWN: He’d say Coruscant, and the creche, before anything else. 

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Yavin IV. 

LANGUAGES: A few small working phrases he’s picked up in the more common tongues that could get him by in a pinch, but nothing too fluent.  

EDUCATION: Only what he got in the Jedi Temple.  

PARENTS: Unknown.

CRECHE MASTER: Noa Niedra

FORMER JEDI MASTER: Thena Wyn

CURRENT JEDI MASTER: Noa Niedra

SIBLING(S): none living. (Adoptive - Matthias Ilesar, Nimm Aldenar, Osira Santo)

ROMANTIC STATUS: Single.

PET(S): None, except for the Banthu herd he sometimes wtaches with Nimm.

T H E   A B S T R A C T :

FEARS: Failure - but spectacularly. He doesn’t fear failing in a ritual, or forgetting a stance in his training with a staff; he fears never getting a grip on his emotions, never being able to let go of his memories of the pits or his hatred for the Academies on Mirial. He fears never being able to become a quieted center in a storm, he fears that the storm will swallow him whole and he will be what tore down the Order all over again. He fears the Sith, and all their freedoms, and fears that he will not be strong enough to turn away. 

GENERAL LIKES: Mornings so cold he can see his breath, the way ice sparkles against the ground and cracks when he walks across it, and the silence that echoes for miles around him when he’s sitting in the cockpit of his fighter. The feeling when he opens his eyes after a long meditation and the world is calm and his body is loose and tingling for him to move. Blood in the sands of the pits and warm across the skin of his shoulders and back, and the way his very soul feels spent after sending nightmares coursing across the arena. The weight of a wrench in his hand, the way Noa says his name, a satisfying cup of hot spiced tea, and watching the sun set over the jungles of Yavin IV.   

GENERAL DISLIKES: The sour taste in his mouth after using his Force gift, and the feeling of defeat when he realizes he used it again without even knowing. Sunrise meditations, bland food, and blankets. The sticky humid feeling on his skin from the weather on the rebel base’s planet, and not understanding something. 

USUAL MOOD / EXPRESSION: He’ll greet you with a smile, and then keep on moving. Constant motion is his comfort, unless he’s meditating - which hardly anyone sees since he waits until the world is quieted and all are asleep. He keeps most of the world at arms length but the first word that comes to mind when someone mentions Fein Komo is ‘nice.’ He’s a nice guy - average in every way, but a gifted pilot. And that is the way he likes to keep it. 

TRAITS: Innovative / Adaptable. Courageous / Impulsive. Determined / Single-minded. Self-Conscious / Unsure. Charismatic / Volatile. 

HABITS: He tends to drum his fingers against whatever surface is available - tables, walls, doors, his leg, his arm - and if he’s sitting his leg is most certainly bouncing. He loves to move, loves to be in motion - when he’s doing something, he isn’t thinking. 

HOBBIES: He meditates every night/early morning - before he gets his short few hours of sleep and when he wakes up. It centers him and allows him to focus his day. It also helps him tamp down his force energy. When he’s not training, Fein is always in the hangar bay fiddling with his fighter or another ship. He’s a grease monkey - and the inner workings of the ships all make sense to him, where his inner workings are often too chaotic for him to work through.  

MORNING ROUTINE: After sleeping maybe three or four hours, Fein wakes up and meditates for a short period of time - his morning meditations range from 20minutes to a half hour, simply because he finds it hard to concentrate with people bustling around and the sun rising. Depending on his training schedule for the day, he’ll either set out to find Noa, or he’ll head straight to the ariship hangers to begin working on some project again. 

NIGHTLY ROUTINE: He works late into the night, and then, usually long after the moons risen and the stars are deep and bright and the last night owl like him has tucked in for bed, he’ll find a spot in the temple above to sit under the stars and drop into a deep meditation. His nighttime meditations can be anywhere from an hour to two or three. Afterwards he will retire to his bed, waking up in a few hours to begin again.

DEADLY SIN: Wrath

ZODIAC: Capricorn

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral, wanting desperately to be Chaotic Good. 

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Gryffindor.

CLASS & SPECIALIZATION: Dual Wield Reaver.

H I S T O R Y :

“After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I will return to where I began. ”

“Mirial.”

It was snowing the morning they came to take him from his mother.

Fein can remember the way it caked on his mother’s eyelashes as she kissed him goodbye. He can remember tears heavy and raw in her throat as she begged them to let her son stay one more year (“he’s so young, too young please he doesn’t understand”). He can remember watching over the shoulder of the Teacher who carried him away, as her figure stood small and alone, wrapped in a blanket, in front of their little hut, watching him leave.

He doesn’t remember her name, or her face, or the name she gave him; but he can never forget the snow, and the tears, and the blanket. They haunt him now, as they did when he was young - specters of the last time he was loved, a remnant of a life seeped in nightmares. 

“The Youth Academy.”

When he arrived at the temple, deep in the ice-covered mountains of the Mirialan Youth Academy, he cried for his mother throughout the night. “You will forget in time,” the teachers told him, soothing him through the deep gasping breaths, “In time this will be home.” But it never was. As his tearful nights stretched into tearful weeks, the Teachers grew impatient, “Your actions reflect on all of us,” they would hiss, pulling his head back by the hair to wipe the tears from his eyes with vicious hands, “What do you bring to our culture, to our people, with your tears and whining for a life that meant nothing?”

As they grew increasingly more frustrated, Fein grew afraid of their cruel worlds and harsh hands and, as any child does, learned to hide his tears and his nightmares. When he couldn’t hold them back he would run, hiding himself around corners and through doors, until he’d found a way to the very heights of the Academy.

But the soaring towers didn’t scare him, they exhilarated him. He’d found a place to love in this new world of anger and pain, and soon, he would find any excuse to escape to his refuge. When the deep hours of the night would fall, and the halls of the Academy would grow silent - alone, he would climb to the rafters and let himself feel, let himself cry. Alone he would sit, with none as his witness but the stars.

His nighttime wandering did not come without a price, of course, and it was in that first year that he earned his new name. Fein, the teachers called him after they caught him sleeping through the noon meditations for the third time, For the way you feign the rituals. They thought him lazy, thought him insincere, but the more he tried to explain that he preferred the light of the moon to the light of day for his meditations, the more they scoffed, and the more they punished.

Too young to know the differences, they said, Too young to choose. So, he stopped protesting, stop arguing, and Fein he became.

Angry and bitter, he learned to sleep only a few hours a night. Learned to regulate his breathing until the Night Ward finally drifted to sleep herself, and he could find himself once more at the roof of the Academy. He learned the stars by heart, mapping them in little doodles on his homework throughout the day, and dotting them in the sands of the practice yards with the staves he was supposed to be balancing. It was among those stars that he first saw the distant lights of the strangers’ ship – he watched it land in the early hours of the morning, when the sun had only just begun to edge the purples of the night light pink, and it was in those deepening shadows that Fein saw the Jedi emerge.

His mother had told him of the Jedi, of course. Every child on Mirial knew of the Force – their species was blessed with a deeper connection (more primitive the Masters would tell him later, but he far preferred the Mirialan view) than any other – and Fein had been creating stories in his head of these shining Knights for longer than he could speak.

Fein was the only child they took from the Academies that trip. The Teachers made sure of it. They shoved Fein into the Jedi’s lines - Different, they called him, Wrong. Surely one of yours.

The Jedi waved a tool in front of Fein’s face and nodded, before scooping him up. Ours, the Master murmured into Fein’s hair, and Fein let his hands scrunch just a little harder on his hard canvas traveling cloak.

Ours, the Master’s companion whispered, reaching out a hand to smooth his hair at the back of his neck, as he locked eyes with her’s and refused to blink.

Theirs, Fein let the word burn into his mind, etched in the only stars he’d ever known, as they carried him onto a ship.

“Coruscant.”

His life improved dramatically at the Jedi Temple.

His creche mother noticed his sleep patterns and let him nap during the day, sitting with him during the nights and teaching him how to regulate his breath and let his mind sink into meditative patterns. As he grew, she taught him to harness his anger at his treatment at the hands of the Teachers of Mirial, and reminded him that no matter how much he wanted to blame her, his mother had no choice but to let him leave her.

On Coruscant, Fein distinguished himself as a strong fighter – agile and intuitive, he excelled in the physical side of youngling training. His affinity for clambering up to heights that gave most pause gained him a reputation for recklessness that he hardly sought to dissuade.

His force abilities; however, failed to develop. Where the rest of his Youngling clan was learning to harness minor skills like levitation and control, Fein could barely make a pebble wobble in the dust. “A late bloomer,” his creche mother would soothe in her words made of syrup and honey, “Not all are Masters at first try.” But Fein was impatient, and tired of being the failure.

When his clan were given the title of padawan, Fein begged – pleaded – to be given the same. There must be someone, he argued, anyone who would take a Padawan like him. Finally, a knight stepped forward, took pity on his pleas, and as she reached out to smooth the hairs at the back of his neck in her cool touch he felt the words once more – ours.

Hers, He met her eyes, and knew she would never let him down.

Hers. She kept his hands steady when, months later, the force still would not come.

Hers. He fought back tears as she tied another braid into his hair, another year spent learning, watching, waiting, for the talent that would not come.

Hers. She never wavered, never questioned – always patient in her faith in his abilities.

Hers. Side by side they fought in Wars he did not understand.

Hers. Back to back they circled in the temple’s broken doors when the Order came down.

Hers. She shoved him back, against a drape, and caught the red red red against her own body, and in that moment the Force screamed from him in a vortex of roiling spider colonies, all consuming flames, and deep shadows of coursing blue lightening. The red faded away as the Troopers ran, and his Master’s blood fell heavy on his hands.

Hers. He carried her, blood on his hands, from the screaming burning temple.

Hers. She smoothed the hairs down, against the back of his neck, with cold trembling fingers.

Mine, she murmured, voice choking on blood and death, Run.

A padawan does as his master commands.

“Nowhere.”

He wasn’t on any lists. His name wasn’t shouted by the Stormtroopers as “Wanted.” He was a low ranked Padawan with no visible Force abilities - why would he be counted a threat Oh, they would kill him if they knew him, of that he had no doubt, but when Storm Troopers burst through the door of the bar on the backwater planet he had fled to, he couldn’t find a reason to run, couldn’t find a reason to fight.

“You look like one of them,” one rasped through the breather on his helmet.

“Looks more like no one,” his friend laughed, but they clapped him in shackles all the same.

For two weeks, deep in the bowels of a ship Fein never saw the name of, it was the same routine. His world shrank to three questions, and the same pain.

Where is the Jedi Order? Pain. Who are you? Pain. Why do you wear Padawan braids? Pain. Where is the Jedi Order? Pain. Who are you? Pain. Why do you wear Padawan braids? Pain. Where is the Jedi Order? Pain. Who are you? Pain. Why do you wear Padawan braids? Pain. Where is the Jedi Order? Pain. Who are you? Pain. Why do you wear Padawan braids? Pain.

Finally, they realized what all the rest had already known. Fein Komo was no one, knew nothing, and felt nothing.

Useless, broken, and mute; they cut the braids from his head and threw him to the only place on the closest planet that would pay money for him.

“The Fighting Pits.”

Fein himself would have bet on his death first round.

When they drug him to the center of the sand filled arena and his first opponent stood above him, lifting his hands to the cheers of the crowd, Fein assumed he was bound for death. As his opponent’s sword caught the noonday sun in a sharp glint, Fein closed his eyes and thought of a cool touch and soft words.

Hers.

And as soft eyes and blood pooling in the corner of her mouth, the Force ripped out of him once more. One moment his opponent stood in self assured victory, his sword plunging down to sever Fein’s head from his body – the next, the man cowered against the walls of the arena, screaming and begging Fein for mercy.

Kill, the crowd raged, quick to turn on the Champion they had bet blood money on.

Kill¸ the chant echoed in Fein’s ears as he pulled aching limbs from dust.

Kill, the roar deafened as Fein watched demons swirl and twirl and gnaw along the former Champion’s skin.

Kill, it reached a fever pitch as Fein took the sword from the man’s hand, and slid it down between his ribs in one smooth movement.

Kill.

It haunted his dreams, as he slipped from meditation to arena, and back again - once again his reality slipped into routine, and the months passed unnoticed.

By night he lost himself to memories of laughter from high walls and springing from roof top to roof top. Under the stars he let himself run, bare feet slapping against cool marble, through the halls of the temple, only to careen into the waiting arms of his creche mother. Within the cool touch of the moon’s light he lost himself to hours spent training side to side, back to back, with his Master.

By day he forgot all but the roar of the crowd. As his skin browned in the sun’s harsh rays, he took life after life, soaking the burning sands with the blood of men who deserved death no more and no less than he. By the light of the sun he hacked away limbs, severed heads from bodies, and ripped hearts from bloody chests.

He lost himself to the routine, and forgot there was ever a time when the Force didn’t rip through him, leaving the cold taste of vomit in his mouth, as it devoured his enemies. He forgot what is was to be anything but a machine – to be anything more or anything less than the Champion of the Pits, than the Nightmare that Walks.

When they arrived, and stood before his cell one late sunset, they spoke to him of rebellions. Hope, they told him, and he laughed. Broken, empty, and bitter, he asked them what they hoped for.

Peace, they answered, but they knew as little of peace as he did.

He followed, when they opened the door of his cell, but only because somewhere, a cool touch and a quiet claim urged him to run. He followed, and when they landed on Yavin IV, one of them turned, smiled, and said, Home.

Home, he let himself feel the word, as he surveyed the broken ruin of a temple. He had never had a home. Each time he’d allowed himself a moment of peace, a moment of quiet, nightmares had come to tear his home from him.

But now he was the Nightmare.

Now, he would fight for what little home there was.

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 34

We spent the remainder of our summer and early fall in London living like normal people and doing normal things. I’d get up and head into work each morning, my main focus having shifted to overseeing Trudy’s progress on the app and delving into creating pages on the Prosper site for all our clients, while Tom kept his social media activity at the level we’d agreed upon, in conjunction with working out, running lines for Skull Island, meeting with BFI and UNICEF, as well as reading the rest of the Vampire Chronicles.

Each night, we’d either eat in or go out to one of Tom’s favorite spots for dinner, and each weekend he’d take me to what he considered a ‘cannot be missed’ landmark or locale. Sundays were usually cinema day, my personal favorites we viewed being The Man From U. N. C. L. E. and American Ultra. Tom was fond of Before We Go, but I pointed out that he had to like it otherwise Captain America would kick his sorry ass, because he already had it out for him over the whole Loki wearing his suit thing. Interestingly, other than a random pap here and there in the heart of the city, we were essentially left to our own devices. No one seemed to care that we were walking around Regent’s Park drinking tea and coffee, having pizza, or grocery shopping. There were fans on occasion, and Tom was always gracious, stopping for a selfie and/or a chat, with me waiting in the wings or taking pictures. I had known it was possible to maintain some degree of anonymity no matter the level of fame involved, and now I’d come to the conclusion that it had a lot to do with the behavior of the celebrity themselves and directly proportional to the size of their entourage. Which we didn’t have, nor wished to have. Granted, Tom had yet to achieve rock god status, but still…if we smiled, waved, and moved on, so did everyone else. People being people.

Two weeks after his sisters had been informed of their father’s infidelity and misdirected their anger at Tom, Emma came over to our flat and they Skyped Sarah, talking through tears and shouts for two hours before apologizing to each other and realizing that the blame lay with no one other than Diana and James themselves. It was a huge weight off his shoulders, and it allowed us to move forward, both of us having dealt with our pasts as well as we could for the time being. Healing, learning, and discovering more and more of each other with every day that passed. Mundane things, like what kind of toothpaste either of us preferred, when we’d learned out times tables…the feeling that I’d always known him becoming increasingly prevalent and so very welcome. While I’d recognized that we were not only lovers but friends as well that night when I willingly shared my Ben and Jerry’s with him at the beach house in Hawaii, I couldn’t have imagined how deep that friendship would become. We lived, we loved, we laughed, and it was astounding to me that I could feel such…peace.

In mid-September the insanity began, both of us going on the road for the promotion of not one, not two, but THREE projects, High-Rise, I Saw the Light and Crimson Peak. The San Sebastian Film Festival, Toronto International Film Festival (where we ran into Norman, there promoting Sky, whose premier he invited us to and we attended), the BFI London Film Festival…it seemed endless, the screenings, Tom doing interview after interview, photoshoots and photo calls, Q & A sessions. How he managed to keep which project he was promoting at which event was a mystery to me, and I found myself asking him ‘dude, what’s this one for again’ more than once, and I spent nearly every moment behind the lens of a camera.

Nights were when I edited what I’d gathered and emailed it to Tom, who’d then post it all across his social media accounts. Then came updating the website, followed by fast and furious fucking, then sleep. At some point in all the chaos he‘d dragged me into a coatroom and fucked me from behind, but the when and where wasn’t the slightest bit important at the time so determining its actual geographical occurrence is now impossible…but other than that, we behaved ourselves, acting like grown-up professionals with jobs. I enjoyed just fading into the background and watching him shine. His performance in all three films blew me away, but High Rise was my favorite story. The abortion scene in I Saw the Light made me cringe, especially when I considered how he must have felt filming it, so soon after what he’d been through in his personal life. As soon as it was over, he’d leaned over and kissed my cheek, his hand in mine, both of us squeezing gently.

October twelfth found us in New York City, staying at my apartment, me packing up boxes to be shipped to London that week. My books, the rest of my clothes, and my computer. The rest would remain for when we visited, and while I knew I’d never sell the place, I also knew London had, in an obscenely short period of time, become home. The New Orleans house had been completely cleaned out, the August estate sale netting upwards of one hundred thousand dollars, and Tom made good on his promise to donate a matching amount to the women’s shelter while the actual proceeds were delivered to Will’s wife anonymously. I wasn’t sure what to do about renovations, but was hoping to stop in at some point during the holiday season and think it through.

The fourteenth was the NYC premiere of Crimson Peak, and we’d agreed that while I’d attend, I wouldn’t walk the carpet. He’d balked, at first, but I’d convinced him that doing so would allow everyone to focus on him and his co-stars, which was exactly where the focus BELONGED. I wore the black version of the red dress I’d worn to Daniel, and spent the entire limo ride back to the apartment following the after-party with his face buried in my breasts.

We flew to Nashville on the seventeenth to prepare for the premiere of I Saw the Light…Tom’s anxiety level ratcheted up to a nine, dreading the possibility of an appearance by Claudia. I steeled myself as best as I could, but, thankfully, it was completely unnecessary. The director wanted the venue to be small and down-home, so only bare-bones cast invites had been extended. Meeting his co-star Lizzie was a blast…she was friendly, funny, dorky and gorgeous. The two of us hung out in front of the stage as Tom performed for the crowd, dancing like a couple of idiots and singing along. He was incredible, those damn hips distracting me to no end, and his SMILE, my lord. He’d tried to teach me some guitar chords while we were on the road, but, as expected, I sucked in a way that no one had probably ever sucked before and decided once and for all that being able to sing was enough musical talent for one human being.

Principal photography for Skull Island was slated to start on the nineteenth on Oahu, but Tom wasn’t needed on set until November second so we decided to take a holiday the two weeks prior on Kauai. He’d even managed to sweet talk the reservations gal into giving us the same room…the one I’d been staying in when we met, number 203. As soon as we arrived, we both changed and headed out to put our toes in the sand, which is how we spent most of our time for the next ten days. At long last, my ass was on the fucking beach and it was pure, unadulterated bliss. The nights…that’s when we made up for lost time, screwing each other senseless until we passed out from exhaustion.  

Luke and Simon joined us on the twenty-ninth, a short birthday celebration jaunt for the latter. On the thirtieth we all went out to Nawiliwili Tavern to celebrate him turning thirty-eight, and I karaoked so much my throat hurt the next day. And really, it was just from singing. Really.

On the morning of my birthday, I left Tom snoring in our bed to watch the Halloween sunrise from the balcony, a knee-length tropical print satin robe wrapped around me. I’d become a fan of robes…easy to slip on, even easier to rip off. Both of us slept naked, and with all the hotels, room service and sex whenever we could squeeze it in while traveling, it was an excellent way to prevent me from answering the door in the buff. I leaned on the railing, listening to the waves crashing, watching the three joggers heading down the beach leaving sand flying in their wake. Thirty-eight. I wasn’t sure how the fuck this had happened, yet here I was, two years away from forty, the biological clock that had been silent before meeting Tom now ticking away loudly. We both baby goggled, and while we were still back in London we’d had lunch with Ben and his wife, each taking turns holding their baby. I’d caught Tom staring at me, his expression making me want toss my birth control pills in the garbage…full of adoration, love, want and so much more. And him holding such a tiny being in his huge hands…too precious for words.

Last year on this day I’d been working, giving a seminar in Chicago, and my celebration had consisted of six donuts at eleven-thirty PM in my hotel room while I watched the Matrix. This year…other than a costume party at Rob’s Good Times Grill in the evening, I had no clue what was in store for me. I reflected on how much my life had changed, and how I was so incredibly blessed, realizing that I’d be perfectly content to spend the entire day in our room, talking, laughing, dancing…all those simple things that made me genuinely happy. Me. Happy. Something I never thought I’d be, yet here I was. Standing on the balcony of the room where we’d first been intimate, on the island where we’d fallen in love. Grateful tears welled up, spilling over and running down my cheeks, and as I wiped them away I felt hands on my shoulders, followed by a kiss on my neck.

“Good morning, birthday girl.” I turned to face him, and he immediately noticed that I’d been crying. “You okay, love?”

“I’m amazing. Happy tears. Actually, grateful tears. Just thinking about how different things are from last year, and…”

He pulled me to his chest, smoothing my hair as he placed a kiss on top of my head. “I love you, my Maude.” He let me go, hands sliding around and down to grasp my forearms, grinning. “So, ready for your present?”

I poked his chest with my index finger. “Dude, you PROMISED me, NO PRESENTS. The time we’re getting to spend together here before you start filming is my present, and every day with you is a gift ANYWAY so…”

Several beats of uncharacteristic silence followed. “Well look at you, leaving me at a loss for words.”

Wrangling free of his grip, I clapped excitedly. “That’s like a whole ‘NOTHER present, man. WOO HOO!”

He laughed, a drawn out ‘ehehehehehe’, ceasing only when we thought we heard someone yell for us to shut up. We ran back inside and closed the balcony doors behind us, sat on the bed and perused the breakfast menu. I opted for scrambled eggs, pancakes and bacon, and Tom decided upon an egg and cheese omelet. After eating quickly, we showered together, and as we dried off in the main area of the room he cleared his throat nervously.

“So, um…I was wondering if maybe you’d like to take a ride out to Talk Story today? I thought perhaps you’d want to pick up some new reading material for while I’m shooting?”

The man knew the only time I had to read these days was when I was on the toilet, but I went with it because, BOOKS. And I’d wanted to go there before we moved on to Oahu anyway, even if it was just to look around. The origin of us. A huge grin spread across my face.

“That sounds fucking epic, babe. What time is it now, like eight-thirty? They open at ten, and the trip there is an hour…”

“Shall we see if Luke and Simon want to join us?”

I snorted. “Ha, if Simon’s even awake yet it would be a bona-fide fucking miracle…but sure, why not? It’d be cool for them to see where we met. God, I’m such a romantic saphead asshat. Gross.”

He laughed, wrapped his towel around his waist and grabbed his phone off the desk. I returned to the bathroom to brush my teeth, only hearing bits and pieces of the conversation. After hanging up, he joined me, eyes on my reflection, and the memory of him fucking me right there four months ago made me shiver, goosebumps pebbling my flesh.

“Believe it or not, they’re not only awake, they’ve had breakfast. Or at least Luke has. Simon appears to be on a liquid diet so far today.”

I spit a final time then spun around, brows raised, and he chuckled.

“What I MEANT was he’s too hung over for food, little miss filthy dirty mind.”

I slapped his ass as I walked out of the bathroom to get dressed. “You fucking love it.”

“Oh, I absolutely do.”

Black bra and panties, grey hiking shorts…but I figured I should ask what he was wearing before I picked out a shirt.

“Babe, what are you....” I’d turned around so my voice would carry better to the bathroom only to find him right THERE, his cock at half-mast. I coughed, then continued. “Wearing. What are you wearing? Fuck, the naked sneak up is NOT COOL, Hiddleston.”

He smirked. “My khaki shorts and a white V-neck, I think.”

“Good. Then I can wear a black one.” I finished dressing while he began, then went to stand before the mirror so I could put my hair back in a ponytail. I’d had it cut and styled before we left London, the ends brushing just below my collar bones. For some reason, even just a few inches and a tiny bit of layering made it much easier to manage. As I was strapping on my Birkenstocks, a quiet rapping on the door began. Tom opened it, and when I saw Simon was wearing giant Kardashian-style mirrored aviator sunglasses indoors, I shouted. Loudly. Even though it hurt my throat to do so.

“Good morning, Mr. Ahlberg. How are we feeling today? Looks like you may have had too much birthday, am I right?”

His voice was raspy as he pulled the Panama hat he was sporting further down his forehead. “Fuck off, bitch.” He was wearing a dark green Polo shirt, white shorts and white loafers.

I rose as he and Luke entered the room, and Luke grinned as he embraced me briefly.

“Happy Birthday, Maude.”

“Thank you, Luke. You look none the worse for wear.” He’d paired khaki shorts with a medium-blue faded T-shirt and Teva sandals, also khaki with blue stripes.

He snorted. “One of us had to behave responsibly. He was up half the night with his head in the bowl…”

Simon shoved him out of the way, wrapping his arms around me to support himself after placing a quick kiss on my cheek, whispering in my ear. “Please kill me. I know it’s your birthday, but it IS Halloween so it’s sort of apropos and I really need to die. I beg you. Put me out of my misery.”

I squeezed him tightly and whispered back. “Not a chance, asshole. I enjoy your snark entirely too much to let it slip from my grasp so easily.”

He sighed, releasing me. “Fine, fine. On with the hour long car ride then. Followed by staring at some books. Then an hour long car ride back. All during which I could have been resting up for tonight.”

We used their rental car, as I’d demanded to have a Jeep Wrangler again and thought Simon might puke if we took that instead. Much like Luke had thought he’d do when we’d gone to our Hula class. Ah, life’s fun parallels that arise from excessive alcohol consumption. Tom had gone back up to the room to retrieve his forgotten phone, and when he came back we were off. Luke and Simon sat in the back, Simon resting his head on Luke’s shoulder, moaning from time to time when Tom took a turn too fast.

He parked us a block down, and we jumped out of the vehicle, excited to be back, and he picked me up and spun me around as we waited for Simon’s slow-ass self.

I rolled my eyes as Tom set me down. “Christ, Simon…you’re like a little old man. Fucking move it along, won’t you?”

I got the bird in return, but the corners of his mouth turned up in a tiny smile. The ibuprofen I’d given him in the car must have started to kick in. Why he hadn’t thought of it on his own…no clue. As we reached the red doors, Tom took my hand, smiling as he opened the door for me. It was exactly the same, which wasn’t really a surprise as only four months had passed, but a feeling washed over me at the sight of it anyway, one of pure joy. His hand squeezed mine as we walked inside, and behind the counter was Roger Marshal, still bearded, same glasses, different Hawaiian shirt, this time red with green leaves. He grinned widely and came around to shake our hands.

“Aloha, Mr. Hiddleston, Ms. Gallagher. Welcome back.  I see you brought friends with you on this glorious Halloween day in paradise.”

Tom introduced him to Simon and Luke while I wandered down to the stacks where we’d met. The place was relatively empty…I didn’t see anyone, but assumed customers were just quietly browsing elsewhere. Music was playing, something by 10,000 Maniacs, the name of which always escaped me. Almost instinctually, I went right for the ‘K’s, looking for my white whale…and…THERE IT FUCKING WAS. Not three feet away from me, the spine of the dust jacket unmistakable, silver-grey with a long black tower and yellow text. I stood, frozen in place, listening to footsteps approaching just as I had on that day back in June. Tom’s hand touched my shoulder gently.

“You okay? You didn’t move a muscle while we walked down here.”

I pointed. “It’s there. Do you see it? Tell me you see it.”

He looked. “See what?”

“THE BOOK. THE GUNSLINGER. Yellow text. Black tower. TELL ME YOU SEE IT.”

“Oh, okay…yes…I see it. Wait, isn’t that…”

I nodded, still using my indoor voice but enunciating so strongly they sounded out in all caps. “YES. MY WHITE WHALE. THAT IS A FIRST EDITION COPY OF THE GUNSLINGER.”

He laughed, squeezing my shoulder. “And you’re not over there pulling it off the shelf and holding on to it for dear life, why, exactly?”

Reaching up, I patted his hand gently as I whispered. “Because I’m afraid that if I move or even if I blink it will disappear, having only been the cruelest of mirages.”

“If I can see, it, it MUST be real, yes?” His other hand patted my ass. “Best grab it before someone else does, don’t you think?”

I turned to him briefly, eyes wide. “YES. Excellent idea.”

One step, two steps, both very slow, and I noticed that the song had changed. Tilting my head to make sure I wasn’t hearing things in addition to possibly seeing things, I listened closely, turning back around to face Tom.

“Is it me or…is that Tigerlily by La Roux?”

His own head tilted, and he nodded, smiling. “You’re right, it is. What a fantastic coincidence!”

I nodded again, then turned back to my prey. Another two steps and I was there, reaching out my hand to touch the spine gingerly, then quickly pulling back as if I’d been burned.

“Oh my god it’s REAL. And not only is it REAL I think it’s in, like, MINT FUCKING CONDITION this is…I just…” I carefully slid it off the shelf, turning it over in my hands, then back again, opening the cover ever so gently. Much to my horror, there was something written on the flyleaf. I was about to stomp my foot when I noticed my name.

Happy Birthday, Maude.

You hold in your hands not only a first edition, but one from my personal collection…and out of the first box the publisher sent to me. The God of Mischief asked me to do him a solid, and I figured it might be a good idea to go the extra mile. Thanks for being a Constant Reader all these years, and may the wheel of Ka always move forward for you.

With love,

Steve

PS - CONGRATULATIONS!

Tigerlily was still playing, and I re-read the text again, realizing that Tom had planned all of this, for ME, for MY birthday, and I nearly burst into tears but the last bit of what Steve…STEPHEN FUCKING KING… had written confused me and I focused on that in an attempt to keep my shit together. I began speaking, still staring at the word as I turned around.

“Tom, why did he write congra…” I looked up from my precious treasure but didn’t see him, just Luke and Simon, their phones held up and pointing at me. “…ulations?” My gaze moved lower, and there he was. Tom. Down on one knee. Right arm extended. And in his hand was a small black box.

I’d like to say the world around me grew silent and time stopped and the angels began to sing, but that would be lying and, if nothing else, I’m an honest woman.

What really happened is that I blurted out “Ohmygodthefuckareyoudoing?” followed by my right hand flying up to cover my mouth, trying to shove what had just come out back in.

His eyes met mine, peering up from under his brows, lashes so long and soft and glistening with tears, his smile shy and kind and beautiful and I could see his hand shaking just the tiniest bit and my knees got weak and I had to uncover my mouth so I could breathe otherwise my big ass was going to hit the fucking floor.

He cleared his throat, then began to speak. “One hundred and twenty-five days. That’s how long it’s been since I walked through those red doors, down these stacks and saw you, my light in the mist. All of those days that came and went before…they all appear in shades of grey in my mind now, as if I never truly saw the world around me in color until the moment my eyes met yours for the first time. And however many more days we’re blessed with on this earth, I want to spend each and every one of them with you. I know I’ve said this bit already, when we first arrived in New York, but…I’m going to say it again, because it’s the truth, the only truth I know, the only truth that matters. I will love you all of this life, and in each and every one that follows. I will love you as the world turns to ash around us. I will love you as the universe collapses into itself, and in the blackness of the eternity that awaits, I will remain, with you, at your side, holding your hand, never to let go. This love…it knows no bounds. It is forever. Two souls made one, together unto infinity. Maude Gallagher, will you do me the honor…the most extraordinary honor that could ever be bestowed upon me…of becoming my wife?”

I’d stopped breathing at some point, inhaling with an audible gasp at his conclusion, then answering.

“Absofuckingloutely. Yes. Yes yes yes yes YES!”

I threw myself at him, and he rose to catch me just in time, both of us laughing and crying, his forehead resting against mine, Simon and Luke whistling and shouting as we kissed, murmuring ‘I love you’ over and over when we came up for air. Tom pulled back, grinning holding up the black box and shaking it back and forth.

“Aren’t you curious to see your ring?”

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. “I guess so. Whip it out.”

He opened the lid, and what I saw nested inside the black velvet made me feel faint for the second time in mere minutes. The ring was sterling silver, with an oval cut and polished black stone set in raised parenthesis shaped sterling silver bars, one to each side, perfectly mimicking of the style of the necklace given to me by my father. My voice eluded me, and he mistook my silence for displeasure.

“It’s not traditional, I know, and if you’d rather have a diamond we can…”

My head shook back and forth as I reached out and touched it with my right index finger in disbelief, then met his gaze.

“That’s black tourmaline.” He nodded, and I recalled the conspiratorial glance Luke’s mother and Tom’s sister had shared after I’d tried on a ring back at the Cube gallery. “Phaedra made this.”

He nodded again, eyes questioning. I bit my lip, then inhaled sharply before speaking again. “Will you put it on me please?”

His voice was timid, soft. “You like it, then?”

“No, Tom. I love it. It’s perfect. You’re perfect. Everything’s perfect. Put. It. On. Me.” I grinned. “Please.”

As Simon sidled over and took the Gunslinger away from me, Tom slipped the ring out of its slot, put the box in his pocket, then took my left hand in his right and slid the first tangible symbol of our commitment to one another home with the other, a huge, beautiful smile spreading across his face as I brought both our hands up to stare at my latest jewelry acquisition. He watched me, silently, and all the other moments that I’d pushed aside over the past four months formed a slideshow in my mind’s eye. Ben smirking at us as we looked through his wedding album, nudging his wife in the ribs as she giggled…what I’d overheard at Diana’s house, that he wanted something to be ‘perfect’…and, finally, the afternoon at Greenwood Cemetery back in New Orleans when I’d said goodbye to my father. Tom had gone to the crypt, introduced himself and told my father how much he loved me, then asked him a question, cupping his hand to his mouth and whispering against the stone, waiting for an answer, then nodding as he said ‘thank you, sir’. When I’d asked what his question had been he’d refused to tell me, though when I inquired as to whether my father had answered, he’d replied ‘I’d like to think he did.’

Gasping, my hand again flew to my mouth as my breath hitched and the tears flowed. “Tom…my god…how long…when did you decide…was it back in…Tom, that day in the cemetery…my dad…is that what you…”

He nodded, weeping as well. “Yes. I asked him for your hand in marriage.”

Choking back sobs, I reached out and placed my right hand on his shoulder. “But…when did you…when…”

His fingers grazed my temple, then my cheek, coming to rest on my jaw. “When did I know that I wanted to marry you?” I nodded. “That moment in the hotel in New Orleans when you said that if you really, truly love someone you accept them just as they are…and that you accepted me, all of me, every bit. As I took you in my arms, it hit me…I wasn’t just holding the woman I’d fallen in love with any longer. I was holding my wife.”

My sobs broke free, and I wrapped myself around him and buried my face in his chest. He rocked me, smoothing my hair, his chin on the top of my head. “I’m sorry it took me so long to ask. I just…I wanted it to be…perfect.”

Pulling away, I snorted. “Mission accomplished, you glorious bastard. This was over the top, ridiculously romantic, Clint Eastwood and Rob Reiner co-directing a love story PERFECT.”

His eyes widened. “Oh, I almost forgot. The ring…there’s an inscription…”

I yanked it off and held it up to my face. Around the solid portion of the band, flanked on either side by two tiny books was written in a teeny, tiny font, two lines, one on top of the other:

Talk Story - 6/29/15 - Our Story

My Light in the Mist

“Thomas William Hiddleston, I hope you realize that now we have to get MARRIED here. Like, right here. In this very spot. Bridezilla has come ashore and she won’t have it any other way.” I turned my attention from the ring to his face. “I’m serious. Can we? Is that cool with you? Getting married here? I mean, I guess we need to ask…” His smirk resulted in an epic eye roll and heavy sigh from me as I slipped the ring back on my finger. “Aaaaand…you already asked, didn’t you?”

He nodded. “Roger’s fine with it. We just need to let him know a few weeks in advance so he can arrange to close the shop.”

For some reason, that solidified what had just occurred. Tom had asked me to marry him. I’d said yes. I was now his fiancé, the future Mrs. Thomas Hiddleston. And there was now a wedding to plan. Which was exciting and amazing but I had no idea what to do next so I just stood, like a deer caught in headlights. He leaned in, nose touching mine.

“You okay?”

I nodded hard, attempting to clear my head, letting the euphoria take over. “My god, we’re getting MARRIED. Maude Hiddleston. I’m going to need to start practicing that. Gotta say, it sounds pretty fucking great. Nice ring to it. Maude Hiddleston. Yep. Sold.”

His jaw had dropped open, then closed again, eyes full of surprise. “I…you…you want to change your name?”

“Uhhh…yeah. Why wouldn’t I? I mean, if you don’t want…”

He took my hands in his. “Oh, no, no…I…I’d love for you to take my name. See, that sounds awful. Archaic. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to or that I expected you to because, I mean, you’re known a certain way professionally and…”

My lips found his, tongue pushing into his mouth, silencing him the best way I knew how. And, other than pushing his head down between my thighs, my favorite way. As we broke the kiss, he grinned, and so did I.

“Tom. I know some women are very much against changing their names or like to hyphenate, and that’s totally cool, but I’m not one of them. To me, it’s part of joining with someone. Being a family. If that makes me old-fashioned, too fucking bad. Plus, what happens when your kid with the hyphenated name marries another kid with a hyphenated name? Chaos, I say. Chaos.”

His expression was so earnest, so thankful that it caused me to take pause, during which I become cognizant of all I had to be thankful for as well. And that I hadn’t even said thank you, for anything he’d done, which resulted in waterworks yet again as I let go of his hands to place mine on the sides of his beautifully chiseled countenance.

“I’m so sorry…I didn’t say thank you, for any of this…but I’m telling you now. Thank you, Tom. Thank you. I’m going to remember this forever and tell it over and over and our kids and grandkids will be like SHUT UP WE HEARD THAT STORY A HUNDRED TIMES ALREADY and it’s just…I love you, so much, and I’m so blessed to have you in my life and my god, I can’t believe you want to MARRY me because I mean I’m ME and…”

It was his turn to cut things off with a kiss, and as he pulled back I heard Simon’s voice, realizing I had completely forgotten that we weren’t alone and wondering exactly how much they’d filmed.

“Yay, yay, you’re engaged, that’s super, who isn’t though, you know? Anyway. I’m going to create a diversion because if Maude cries again I’m going to lose all respect for her and, frankly, I don’t have that much left TO lose so…” He wrenched me from Tom’s grasp and turned me to face him. “SO, I assume that I’ll be your maid of honor? Because honey, you are REALLY going to need my help…”

I rolled my eyes. “Actually, you’ll wind up being my MATRON of honor because you’ll probably be MARRIED by then, you big fucking dumbass. And…and…” I started to sniffle, tears welling up again.

He covered his eyes with his right hand, having taken the shades off to film, and groaned. “Oh. My. God. Are you going to cry from now until whenever it is you get hitched? Because if that’s the case feel free to go before Luke and I do.”

When I didn’t reply, he uncovered his eyes, saw the look on my face and placed both hands on my shoulders. “I’m sorry, gorgeous…talk to me.”

Taking a deep breath, I wiped the tears from my cheeks with the back of one hand, then attempted to speak. “Will you…I…my…I don’t have a…my dad…isn’t…will…will you walk me down the aisle?”

He, Tom and Luke burst into tears at that, Simon’s hand over his mouth as he nodded repeatedly and pulled me to his chest. His voice was deep but soft in my ear when he was able to talk again. “Of course I will, honey. Of course I will. I’m so sorry your father won’t be there. And you know I’m, like, SO not religious so I’m not going to give you the watching over you nonsense, though I guess who the fuck really knows, but in a way he WILL be there, because he’s part of you. And we need to talk about something else now because crying is making my headache IN-FUCKING-TOLERABLE…”

He released me and Luke took his place immediately, warmly embracing me for the second time that day. His quiet authority was what I saw most of…it wasn’t until we were off the clock that he became himself, and even at that we were only moderately affectionate. Drunk Luke, though…that was an entirely different story. After a few pats to the back, we let each other go, and I pointed at Tom.

“This is some stunt you pulled here, young man. I hope you realize that.”

He grinned from ear to ear, tongue peeking out from between his teeth. “Oh, I do.” His brows rose. “Were you truly surprised?”

“Um, YEAH. No clue. Well, not exactly NO clue. I mean, I picked up on a few things along the way that I seemed odd but I just pushed them aside because…” My eyes turned skyward as I thought of the best way to phrase what came next. “Because as much as I wanted it to be what I thought it was, I couldn’t be sure and I didn’t want to be disappointed if it never happened, I guess. But. Yeah. So, do we need to fill anyone in on the news or am I totally the last one to know?”

“If it never happened. You’re a silly, silly girl.” His lips grazed my cheek. “And yes, there are still plenty of people to tell. Anyone who was privy to my plan was purely essential.”

My left eyebrow shot up. “Oh, how did Ben and Sophie factor in? Do tell.”

He blushed adorably. “I may have tattled to Chris and Elsa too. But…Anne’s still in the dark, so maybe start there?”

Simon had set the Gunslinger on the nearest table, and I started at it and sighed happily. “I cannot BELIEVE you not only managed to find me a first edition copy of the Gunslinger, but you got Stephen King to sign it, and it’s ONE FROM HIS PERSONAL COLLECTION. You are such a complete dork, and I am the luckiest woman alive, Thomas William Hiddleston.”

He walked to my side and slipped an arm around my waist. “So, should we take a photo to post online? Or would you rather do something more formal?”

I snorted. “Fuck formal. Picture, please.”

I held up my left hand at face level between us, the back of it towards Tom’s phone, which Luke was holding, then pointed at the ring with my right and posed with my mouth stretched wide open in a gleeful grin. Tom pointed at it as well, and three clicks later we were good to go.

Taking the phone back from Luke, he typed, then stopped. “Do you want to call Anne before I post this?”

“Nah. I’ll wait for her to call. It’s more fun this way…and honestly, I have no idea how to tell people without sounding like an asshole, so…yeah. Post it.”

He clicked, then turned the screen so I could see it. There we were, his expression mimicking mine, his Twitter message short and sweet.

She said YES!!!!!!!!!! #thefuturemrshiddleston, #iamsoveryblessed,  #luckiestmanintheuniverse

Chuckling, I passed the phone back to him. “Um, actually what I said was ‘absofuckingloutely’. Shit. That’s like, filmed and recorded as my official reaction to being proposed to in the most beautiful and perfect way possible. Nice one, me.”

Luke cleared his throat. “So, not to be a killjoy…” Simon snorted. “Do we have a date in mind for the blessed event? Tom’s schedule is…”

I raised my hand. “Oh, oh…I know what Tom’s schedule is…it’s an insane MESS. Gee, wish there was an app for that or something. HA! Anyhow, you’ll have to double check, but I’m pretty sure that there is zero room for it to happen until late April or early May.”

Scrolling through his phone, Luke nodded. “You’re right. After the I Saw the Light press tour and premiere he’s got Night Manager promo until it airs in the states on April nineteenth. Really, the best month seems to be June.”

Tom spread his hands wide. “Well, that makes it simple. Let’s do it on the first anniversary of the day we met. June twenty-ninth. I think I can even squeeze in time for a honeymoon before heading to Australia to start in on Ragnarock.” He turned to me, brows raised, questioning. “Okay with you?”

My eyes met his, then roamed up and down over his form. This breathtakingly beautiful, kind, compassionate, intelligent, gifted, hilarious being…he was going to be my husband. I felt the tears creeping up on me again, but shook them off, breaking myself of the habit lest I, as Simon feared, kept crying every time I thought about marrying the man for the next eight months.

“Oh yeah. Totally okay with me. And shall I assume you had that planned all along as well?”

He laughed, throwing his head back, one hand on his abdomen, smirking adorably when he’d managed to compose himself. “No, actually…that one was totally off the cuff.”

“Sure it was.”

Laughing again, he grabbed my shoulders. “It was. I swear it.”

I sighed. “Well, if you swear it, I guess I should believe you. So…I know this will come as a shock, but …I’m STARVING. Birthday girl needs lunch. Feed birthday girl NOW.”

Tom pulled me close and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “How’s Kauai Pasta sound?”

“It sounds like you made reservations for four is how it sounds.” He smiled, licking his lips. “Which is awesome, because I am such a slut for Alfredo…”

Simon’s face appeared over Tom’s shoulder. “Oh, oh…can we please go over the list of things you’re a slut for? THERE ARE SO MANY…”

I flipped him off. “Please. Your list is so long it wouldn’t fit on my 32 gig USB drive.”

His eyes widened in mock horror. “My, my. She becomes some hot guy’s fiancé and her rudeness trebles. Unacceptable.”

Grinning, I turned my gaze back to Tom. “So, are we, like, done with surprises for the day? Because I’m not sure my heart can take another one. Though I do have a surprise of my own for YOU…”

“You do, do you? And what would that be?”

I patted his chest. “That would be my Halloween costume, babe. I fear you may not survive.”

He placed his hand over mine, leaning in so his face was inches from mine. “You do realize that you have not the slightest inkling as to what I’m wearing, don’t you?”

I didn’t. I’d been so focused on keeping mine under wraps I hadn’t considered HIS. And I was afraid to imagine, because the party now seemed an eternity away and if I let my mind wander…my mouth dropped open, then closed, opened, then closed again. “Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I am so, so fucked.”

A whisper in my ear. “Oh, you are indeed, my darling. You are indeed.”

[sylleblxssom]

BOLD any which apply to your muse! Remember to REPOST! Feel free to add to the list!

[ COLORS ] red. brown. orange. yellow. green. blue. purple. pink. black. white. teal. silver. gold. grey. lilac. metallic. matte. royal blue . strawberry red. charcoal grey. forest green. apple red. navy blue. crimson. cream. mint green. baby blue.

[ ELEMENTS ] fire. ice. water. air. earth. rain. snow. wind. moon. stars. sun. heat. cold. steam. frost. lightning. sunlight. moonlight. dawn. dusk. twilight. midnight. sunrise. sunset. dewdrops.

[ BODY ] claws. long fingers. fangs. teeth. wings. tails. lips. bare feet. freckles. bruises. canine. scars. scratches. wounds. burns. spikes. feathers. webs. eyes. hands. sweat. tears. feline. chubby-faced. curvy. short. tall. normal height. muscular. piercing. tattoos. dimples.

[ WEAPONS ] fists. sword. dagger. spear. arrow. hammer. shield. poison. guns. axes. throwing axes. whips. knives. throwing knives. pepper sprays. tasers. machine guns. slingshots. katanas. maces. staffs. wands. powers. magical item. magic. rocks. mud balls. tridents.

[ MATERIALS ] gold. silver. platinum. titanium. diamonds. pearls. rubies. sapphires. emeralds. amethyst. metal. iron. rust. steel. glass. wood. porcelain. paper. wool. fur. lace. leather. silk. velvet. denim. linen. cotton. charcoal. clay. stone. asphalt. brick. marble. dust. glitter. blood. dirt. mud. smoke. ash. shadow. carbonate. rubber. synthetics.

[ NATURE ] grass. leaves. trees. bark. roses. daisies. tulips. lavender. petals. thorns. seeds. hay. sand. rocks. roots. flowers. ocean. river. meadow. forest. desert. tundra. savanna. rainforest. caves. underwater. coral reef. beach. waves. space. clouds. mountains.

[ ANIMALS ] lions. wolves. eagles. owls. falcons. hawks. swans. snakes. turtles. ducks. bugs. spiders. birds. whales. dolphins. fish. sharks. horses. cats. dogs. bunnies. praying mantises. crows. ravens. vultures. mice. lizards. werewolves. unicorns. pegasus. dragons. doves. axolotl.

[ FOODS/DRINKS ] sugar. salt. candy. bubblegum. wine. champagne. hard liquor. beer. coffee. tea. spices. herbs. apple. peach. orange. lemon. cherry. strawberry. watermelon. vegetables. fruits. meat. fish. pies. desserts. chocolate. cream. caramel. berries. nuts. cinnamon. burgers. burritos. pizza. ambrosia.

[ HOBBIES ] music. art. watercolors. gardening. smithing. sculpting. painting. sketching.fighting. writing. composing. cooking. sewing. training. dancing. acting. singing. martial arts. self-defense. electronics. technology. cameras. video cameras. video games. computer. phone. movies. theater. libraries. books. magazines. CDs. records. vinyls. cassettes. piano. violin. guitar. electronic guitar. bass guitar. harmonica. harp. woodwinds. brass. bells. playing cards. poker chips. chess. dice. motorcycle riding. eating. climbing. running. d&d. instruments.

[ STYLE ] lingerie. armor. cape. dress. tunic. vest. shirt. boots. heels. leggings. trousers.jeans. skirt. jewelry. earrings. necklace. bracelet. ring. pendant. hat. crown. circlet. helmet. scarf. brocade. cloaks. corsets. doublet. chest plate. gorget. bracers. belt. sash. coat.jacket. hood. gloves. socks. masks. cowls. braces. watches. glasses. sun glasses. visor. eye contacts. makeup. suit. tie. eyepatch.

[ MISC ] balloons. bubbles. cityscape. light. dark. candles. war. peace. money. power. percussion. clocks. photos. mirrors. pets. diary. fairy lights. madness. sanity. sadness. happiness. optimism. pessimism. loneliness. family. friends. assistants. co-workers.enemies. loyalty. smoking. drugs. kindness. love. hugs.

Tagged By: @amicitiaflower​ Tagging: @galahadsglaive @chosenxkingoflucis @croawe @machtnyx @somxus @corvidaeisms @commodorexaranea @pierccr

Honestly like anyone? I just did who came to mind