#{it isn't safe to walk the city streets alone ooc}

[diedbrave]

Going to be doing stuff on this blog shortly. Life has been a whirlwind lately, but it is finally slowing down. <3 I have not abandoned Eddie, and I honestly never will, even if I'm the last remaining IT blog on the planet.

[diedbrave]

I am finally back from my three week trip in Japan. It was an absolute blast, and I am so blessed I was able to take this trip. However, shit pretty much hit the fan as soon as I got home. My grandmother started steadily declining in the memory care unit, and passed away yesterday morning. I'm blessed that I was not out of the country and I got to say goodbye, but it's definitely been hard, especially being so close to the anniversary of losing my dad. I'll be out of state next week for the funeral, but once I return I fully intend to reply to everything. It seems like no one is really around in this fandom anymore, but that isn't going to stop me, even if I'm replying into the void.

[diedbrave]

That super awkward feeling when someone has you blocked on one blog but not on another. Like. Y'all do realize I'm the same person, right? It isn't like I keep quiet about my other blog whatsoever, and I don't think Strode is a popular pen name.

[diedbrave]

Eddie is being incredibly vocal tonight because my friend showed me this thing called Cinema Therapy about therapists analyzing movies, and we watched the one for IT which was really mostly about Eddie and Bev's treatment by their parents. I could go on an entire five hour rant about Eddie and mental health specifically, but it really woke me up and I was getting really passionate about things.

I also got the scare actor position, which yay! It was really challenging and I didn't think I'd make it, but they said my 'clown' audition was creepy as fuck. Little do they know I literally was doing and channeling Pennywise's opening speech in the sewer to Georgie, only I didn't use Georgie's name. Trying to get them to take a balloon and asking them about the circus and then getting all "You don't like the circus?" and obviously I didn't say "Bill's going to kill you" but changed it to "I'm going to kill you" and they said that sold it to them on the spot and I was like....thank you my obsession with (one) movie.

[diedbrave]

Eddie is so fucking loud right now and won't get out of my head, to the point he is my front and center muse for the first time in forever. He's pissed at me that I have a job to do and can't just sit and interact with people all day. He also wants me to quit my haunt job so I have more time to write. And I'm like sir......shut up, I need income.

[diedbrave]

I think I'm going to do that thing where I pull back from the dash a little and just focus on my activity and the drafts I owe. So if there's something y'all really want me to see, I suggest you tag me in it or send it to me directly in DM's. I'm really hoping it will help my anxiety and the feelings of worthlessness I've had lately. ;; I know it's because my overall anxiety is high and I'm overwhelmed as shit (I have three con weekends in a row which yes is partially my fault but....shhhh) and that it's bleeding out into all areas but....yeah. Trying the small things to see what sticks.

[diedbrave]

Me, watching High School Musical the Musical the Series: HECK YEAH. I have so much muse. Look at me go. I'm going to get everything done tonight because Eddie is LOUD AS HECK.

Also me, logging onto Tumblr since I won't get to write for a week after tonight: ........oh shit nope nuh-uh there went all my muse.

Basically feeling a little intimidated that it's just like it was back in the day when Richie and Eddie were the most popular Losers to write as. I'm so happy more IT blogs are springing up but oh my gosh there are so many Eddies now so we're like.....y'know yeah we've been here since 2019 so we shouldn't be intimidated but byeeeeee.

Gotta say my girlfriend out here being very lucky being the only Bill on this hellsite. But also like, where's the Stans of the world. Where are the other Losers. I'm getting flashbacks to the old IT rp days y'all.

[diedbrave]

Having one of those moments this morning where I completely question myself as an Eddie writer, but then I have to step back and tell myself that my interpretation is my own and that's what makes me special. I'm aware my Eddie is soft. A lot of people expect him to be aggressive and fiesty and though I do incorporate that, that actually isn't truly Eddie. I think a lot of people have only seen the new movies and let's be real, those movies did him dirty and were entirely out of character. I still love them, clearly, as a lot of my interp is based on that due to it being the most popular. But in the miniseries especially? That boy is a precious angel who must be protected at all costs. He's pretty much that way in the book, too. Very soft and gentle, very naive and pure.

I think all Eddie interps are great, and I know a lot of people base their focus on the new movies so yeah, good for them being snappy and aggressive. I just have to remind myself that it's okay that mine isn't that way. That mine, as I clearly point out on my pinned post, is a mix of all the IT medias. I incorporate a lot of Dennis Christopher's Eddie into how I play him because I grew up on Tim Curry's version and it was what made me fall in love with Eddie Kaspbrak in the first place. And sometimes I just have to remind myself that that's okay.

[diedbrave]

Going on a hiatus for the rest of the month. Tomorrow marks the anniversary of my dad's passing so I won't be up for much, and then Sunday I'm heading out of the country. Not that anyone is really writing with me over here anymore anyways. It seems like the fandom briefly exploded then disappeared like dust in the wind. But I'm not going anywhere.

Feel free to send me memes while I'm gone if we haven't interacted. I want to get back into the swing of things once I return. Eddie will always be my strongest muse, so. Though I'm also debating making a third blog. Will I, even though I'm behind on both my other blogs? Stay tuned.

[diedbrave]

I am finally getting through things! My no longer boyfriend (oof, that's a whole fucking mood) is at work right now and has worked every day since I'm here, so I'm hanging out at the local coffee shop to get all my stuff done, starting with the inbox. It would help if Tumblr didn't hecking lie to me. It keeps saying I have like 5 things in there, and then I don't. So I don't know how much I actually owe. BUT. I have all the time in the world right now so things are getting done!

[diedbrave]

Alrighttttt. Finally finished all my replies (which was really mostly just to two of you but like six threads each), which means that next steps will be doing all the starters from my college starter call, and then tackling the inbox. Slowly but surely getting there. I'm having surgery on Thursday so chances are I won't get anything out again till I'm healed from that, since I'll be needing lots of sleep. But hey, at least you all have some things that will be posting to look forward to?

[diedbrave]

Aw, my mom is so cute. She started watching Family Blood (she has terrible memory issues and didn't remember we watched it during COVID) and she stopped watching it because she was like, "This is Strode's boy and he probably wants to watch it." I had to remind her that A) We have already watched it and it was so hecking boring and terrible that we had to take like six naps in between and watch it over the course of three days but also that B) James Ransone is kind of a major douche bag sooooo. But like, aw, she thought of me and Eddie and decided to stop watching it until I was able to watch it with her.

[diedbrave]

Venting under the cut because I need to just...blah things out.

I always really struggle like with Discord groups, if only because I absolutely hate Discord. It's always breaking down on my phone and I have to restart my phone several times to get it to work, and I'm never near a computer often enough (other than work) to use it then. I know I get in my head, but it just feels like I don't belong. People are talking about all their interactions together and I'm just....on the outskirts. No one really truly ignores me, the groups I'm in are great, but I just feel like I shouldn't be there. Everyone makes their little head canons and has their IC chats that I don't participate in so I feel like the forgotten one and that I should just....disappear. I know that's my own problem. I like Tumblr. It doesn't stress me out. I'm too dedicated to it. I like that I can throw things into my drafts and get to them when I want to and whatnot. We all have what we like, and that's okay. But sometimes I feel like the world is punishing me for not liking the 'cool new thing' that is Discord and then I get left in the dust.

[diedbrave]

Can't believe I'll be at the It: Chapter One escape room tomorrow. Expect to see pictures. I'm not allowed to have my phone inside (because....escape room...) but I'm going to take pictures of as much as I can and I am going to scream, cry, and throw up. Tomorrow I'm naturally dressing like young Eddie, and yes I'm wearing the red booty shorts (that are far shorter than I'd like but rip). I'm sure he will be very loud on Wire, so feel free to give him a nudge.

[diedbrave]

Ugh, annoyingly having to go on somewhat of a temporary hiatus. I knew that picking up this haunt job was going to be a challenge on top of my other job, but it's something I've always wanted to do being a huge Halloween buff. The great thing is that my primary job allows me to make my own schedule so I have a lot of flexibility. What I didn't realize was that the scare actor job would take advantage of that. They just dropped my new schedule (which is already an issue in and of itself since we have work tomorrow) and I work every single night this week. Which is also a balancing act I have to talk to my manager about because even though I have flexibility, I do still have some therapy clients that like to meet with me after work. That doesn't give me a single night to cram in all my night clients since I have to be at the haunt at five. I've been doing sessions on weekends, but some of my clients don't want to waste their free days doing therapy and I can respect that.

But yes, it's going to impact my writing for a bit. I'm going to be immensely burnt out. It's going to be a lot of days where I work until midnight which means get home at 1 AM then have to wake up at 7 AM for my first Client shift at 8. Needless to say, that doesn't leave much time for writing. Plus I'm sure even if I do have a night off I'm going to be so exhausted that I'd prefer to just spend it sleeping. That being said, unfortunately, roleplay needs to be put last on my list. It makes me sad because the trip I just took gave me so much freaking muse that I'm spinning with it, but alas, adulting comes first you guys.

Please don't forget me. <3 And I promise I'm not ignoring anyone or disappearing forever.

[diedbrave]

This has nothing to do with anything, but I need a place to bitch considering Facebook isn't a safe space for that right now. Just super annoyed, because my cousin is getting married soon. I personally don't care, but we weren't invited to the wedding, which has really hurt my mom's feelings. Basically ever since my dad died in 2019, that side of the family has had nothing to do with us. Not a single one of them even came to my dad's funeral. They don't reach out, they don't support us, they're actually absolute garbage. But my mom has been losing sleep over this and feeling sick to her stomach, so today she posted a thing on Facebook about how my dad would be so hurt because of family cutting ties and of course NOW my fucking cousin decides to say something. She sent a message to my mom (we haven't read it yet bc my mom is scared to), and did a 'sad face' when I posted a gif of the trash being taken out in response. Like oh, now that you're being shit talked, you're going to finally crawl out of the woodwork? I'm just hecking irritated and needed a place to complain about my irritation.