#༊ ⊹ ° . study ˛ ‘ fury‚ pure and silver‚ you grip it tight inside. like a knife‚ it glints in your eye.

[calithal]

what tarot card are you?  ༄            your result; the devil.

                restriction  is  not  so  terrible  a  thing  as  you  think  it  is.  one  must  not  always  be  shackled  to  be  prudent.  you  could  use  a  set  of  handcuffs  in  your  life,  my  love.  shall  i  forge  them  for  you?  we  could  be  tied  together,  you  and  i.  maybe  then  you  would  not  want  for  so  many  things.  maybe  if  you  were  drip  fed  what  you  wanted,  you  would  only  focus  on  the  next  drip,  instead  of  the  wide  world  of  things  there  are  to  want.  you  consume  what  you  love,  you  terrify  the  things  you  want.  you  have  chewed  your  way  through  your  life  and  you  are  still  hungry.  the  old  woman  holds  out  a  key.  the  iron  around  your  wrist  is  so  very  heavy.

stolen from;   @adamanteine​​​​​​​  ♡♡ tagging;   you, steal this and say i tagged you!

[calithal]

rate your muse's traits.  ༄            repost and rate your muse's traits out of 10 in each category!

compassion, 2/10. it’s not good. this one’s definitely one of the ‘isle mindset’ ones, where it’s considered such a weakness that she’s grown up with it as a warning of what not to do at all costs. she has grown up surrounded by the suffering of her loved ones, which a strange protection that she did not understand looming over her. the isle as a whole has a way of united suffering. there’s not much compassion there, but there is understanding. she truly could never feel compassion for anyone in auradon, understanding is as close as it could get and even then, Not Really.

bitterness, 10/10. sosososossooooo bitter and grudge holding and unforgiving and jealous and and and!!! this is truly ridiculous with how much she fucks up and not on accident. bitterness against auradon will never change.

happiness, 2/10. she just doesn’t consider it. she is always dissatisfied with peace, and i think happiness, in her mind, is such an auradon thing. none of them will ever be happy. she does not linger on the hopelessness of that statement. harriet and uma will always carry the weight of the world, harry and her will never be satisfied, just general someone’s going to get gil feelings and Much More. she does believe that her family does deserve to be happy, and that often evokes cj brand™ guilt and remorse from her. she absolutely doesn’t, though (sometimes, also harry doesn’t, when he’s acting like her. but most of the time he does.)

politeness, 1/10. so so so very impolite and inappropriate all the time, she does not care. she’ll literally say and do anything that suits her to. this was almost a 0 except she does, in some ways, follow isle conventions of not talking about things. semi-hypocritical of her though because she heavily criticizes auradon doing the same.

morality, 2/10. yeah the ‘i do whatever i want’ is very present here. the reality of morality has been knocked away from her because of her upbringing. she’ll do whatever she needs for her and her people to survive, and a few things that she didn’t need to do, just for fun. however, she has moments that creep in that surprise me where she has a strong desire to be praised and held and told that she’s doing good, only to run from the hills when said desires are fulfilled, of course. she also doesn’t want to be a monster. she does all the violence and murder and arson but she doesn’t want to be like her dad. so there’s that.

pride, 8/10. HUGE but also like. by her own standards. she doesn’t care for perfection and she’s still do Literally anything she wants that makes her look pathetic and childish. 

honesty, 1/10. a little bit of a pathological liar. it’s a huge vulnerability thing. but most of the time, you do have to fish the truth from her like a child, which makes it even harder because she can feel the nuisance of it. there is times where she admits it on her own, but that comes with time and trust. the moment she’s not believed when she’s told the truth, however, (even after a lifetime of lying) she takes it so personally and will hold it as a grudge. she does not see merit to telling the truth, and believes any truth she tells can be wielded against her.

bravery, 8/10. okay so faking your death is absolutely the ‘coward’s way out’ but besides that, she’s very brave, and there’s hardly any consideration for fear besides being vulnerable, which she struggles with majorly so that’s at least two points in itself. cj does not have any real desire to live. when prompted, she has no great reasons why living is fantastic, or a gift. she only functions off of her survival instincts because they’ve been wired into her. she spends so much of the time also being self destructive and near damn suicidal. all this to say, i don’t think she fears death, she just acts like she does.

recklessness, 10/10. yeah. yeah. 

ambition, 8/10. canonically, cj’s ambition is one of her most (and one of her only) highlighted traits. i think so much of it stems from how hard she had to fight to feel notable growing up, as she was the runt of the jolly roger kids. she wants her own everything. she leaves the isle and with it the entirety of her past and family behind because she craves that independence and the knowledge that she can do everything by herself without needing anyone else that badly. anything harriet and harry did, she had to veer directly off the path of it. she had to be different, or better. in actuality, she does not crave captaincy like uma, harry, or harriet do. she does love exploring, and being independent. she has a lot of passion and nowhere to put it.  also, just practically speaking, she does not and would not do well in leadership positions. it’s not like she likes being told what to do. in fact, she’s extremely defiant and demand avoidant. but she can get there. in the end, she knows it’s better for her than to be on her own. this is why her being on a crew only works after a severe disaster where she experiences character growth and considers saving other people in addition to her own life.

loyalty, 6/10. she always comes home to the isle and her family, no matter how much she fights it. however, there is a fair bit of straying. huge events that completely shatter this cycle help a lot to keep her closer. she’s not big on developing new loyalties, but they can happen. it’s pretty much just her family (siblings and then also extensions like gil, uma, nina) she’s also really big on defending the honor of those that her loyalties lie with. Huge.

love, ??/10. mmm yeah. i can’t give a number on this. she won’t let me. like nearly everyone on the isle, her relationship with love is so complicated and has been connotated as severely negative and with heavy consequences her entire life. she looks down upon emotional softness and vulnerability in its entirety and considers it a weakness. cj’s love so frequently looks like her fighting it. she always follows through on protecting her loved ones, however it’s always her idea of protecting them, which often becomes her pushing them away. genuine physical affection, unprompted acts of services, random ‘i thought of you’s, and declarations (and carry-throughs, ofc) of violence in your honor are other cj love languages.

sense of family, 5/10. harriet and harry are everything. but she’s always spent half of her time fighting them fiercely and the other half being so dependent on them and their protection. she would kill for them, sometimes she thinks she’s going to kill them all.  harriet is still her big sister, even as she takes on mother responsibilities, it’s still different than a mother, because cj never knew hers and will forever associate the mother role to the one that she wanted, who didn’t want her. the isle is full of non-traditional families, so cj really had no traditional mother role to model her expectations off of. her big sister raised her, but she’s still her sister. harriet (and harry) took care of her when she felt unloved, and even as she fought her and continues to fight her, she will always feel guilt for that. however, she feels as if she cannot change, even if she wanted to. harry is always a battle of pride. when her father cared enough to mold her into anything at all, he created something to fight harry. she still hides behind harry, and she believes that he hates her. her dad is a monster. her memories of him are that of a shadowy nightmare from her childhood, but then, she suffered from his neglect more than anything. the scary stories belonged to her siblings. she both resented him for it, and was also jealous of her siblings for having his attention. then he was as close as mentor as he could be to her when she was essentially his secret assassin, and taught her how to be scary and kill or enforce fear in the quiet of the night. she adored him, in a way, and ceaselessly sought his approval. however, that only lasted for a handful of years, and she had also completely left the isle a few years beyond that. most of her memories are taken up by the time she spent in auradon and beyond. various degrees of repression and actually just losing memories because of different methods of coping with them has left her inable to recall several things before she was 16 and leaving.  since then, he has become more of a rotting corpse that she stares at from the shadows with a completely blank mind. she has no idea what to think, besides that she’s trying not to think about it. and then, he actually is dead. she has nightmares about him and his corpse, telling no one, of course. basically, it’s all very complicated. five is a good flip-flop number, because she’s been raised with family above everything, but it fucks with her.

attractiveness, 9/10. really good genes, she has the startling kind of beauty, definitely leans more ‘hot’ than ‘pretty’ or ’cute’ and is perfectly fine with that. she’s a ten to Me but she has a lot of sharp angles and probably is kind of scary looking with how intense she is, so there’s that. (she also is well aware of how attractive she is, which could either increase or decrease the score depending on your taste)

agility, 10/10. she’s tall now, but she grew up as the tiny runt of the litter, even beyond just her siblings. she had to be fast, and good at hiding. it was all she had. her pessimism helps in a fight in addition to this, she assumes the worst of everything and everyone <3 so she is quick without thinking. she jumps to aggression and violence so quick, but also, good luck catching her, or finding her. even more than just running, she's incredibly sneaky. 

sex drive, 9/10. very much a coping mechanism, and she’s really annoying about it. one point off for the knee-jerk of it, as it’s at a point of reflex to sexualize herself, even if it’s not completely what she wants. there are times when she has sex without wanting to. not because she was forced, but just as a distraction. mostly, sex is fun and she loves it, but she absolutely does not have a healthy relationship with it. (tho, she doesn’t have a healthy relationship with anything) 

stolen from;  @ru5t​​​​​​​  ♡♡ tagging;   you, steal this and say i tagged you!

[calithal]

here are the most cj core parts of the songs on cj's playlist <3

so much of this song is just cj vibes but these lines are the most

cj as a crazy ex gf... very real but the last two lines in this screenshot are my favorite in the whole song they're just like. fun to sing HBCSK

yeah so this is pretty much the entire song and. Yeah. yeah cj cjcjcj

thinking abt cj in love..... Yeah

more parts of this song also but i've had these lyrics saved in webweavings forever for ceej

this is the Ultimate cj and her dad song. Btw.

also this whole song. grimes on here is crazy

guess what! also this whole song <3

another whole song :)

this one's really not exactly cj core but it's like. if cj was infected by an alien this is totally a song her infected body would sing to guilt-trip her siblings. also mariah's singing is just very cj here.

this one's so unserious but unfortunately yeah

:( . :(:(:(:(:(

i think about this soooo much my cj hook music video is just this song over and over

also this whole song. yeah.

lays on the floor.

just vibes just vibes

+ also the entirety of circus by britney spears.

[calithal]

which imaginairy illness do you have?  ༄            your result; storm syndrome.

                you  never  really  knew  how  to  be  yourself,  distancing  yourself  from  your  own  existence  -  standing  outside  of  the  house  even  as  the  storm  closed  in.  you  are  going  through  the  motions  of  everyday  life,  uncaring  except  for  the  toughest  storms.  each  one  feels  like  the  one  -  the  one  that  will  finally  be  too  much  for  you.  somehow  it  isn't  -  it  never  is  (except  the  last  one).  and  as  the  people  around  you  pick  their  lives  back  up  and  move  on,  barely  bothered  by  the  storm,  you  still  carry  it  in  you  -  one  foot  in  your  life  and  one  out  of  it.  and  when  they'll  ask  about  you,  asking  questions  about  your  future,  your  plans,  your  dreams  the  only  honest  answer  would  be  "i  don't  know,  i  never  thought  i'd  make  it  this  far".

stolen from;   @ru5t​​​​​​​  ♡♡ tagging;   you, steal this and say i tagged you!

[calithal]

what is your major arcana social link(s)?  ༄            your result; the tower (+ 3 more).

the tower. (75%)

“the  arcana  is  the  means  by  which  all  is  revealed.  the  higher  you  fly  the  greater  you  fall."

                the  tower  arcana  is  commonly  associated  to  overly  arrogant,  prejudiced  and  authoritarian  organization,  which  walk  to  their  own  ironic  demise.  furthermore,  it  is  also  more  generically  used  as  an  omen  of  doom  and  disaster.  you  can  be  arrogant,  and  typically  find  yourself  in  bad  situations.

the devil. (69%)

“the  arcana  is  the  means  by  which  all  is  revealed.  giving  in  to  temptations,  man  learned  to  distinguish  what  is  good  and  evil."

                the  devil  arcana  represents  the  urge  to  do  selfish,  impulsive,  violent  things,  and  being  a  slave  to  ones'  own  impulse  and  feelings.  occasionally,  it  is  also  portrayed  as  a  symbol  of  temptation.  the  positive  aspect,  however,  represents  a  healthy  bond  or  commitment.  you  are  often  "devilish"  you  tend  to  be  greedy,  proud,  lustful,  or  otherwise  of  poor  character.  you  are  most  likely  to  go  for  an  antisocial  tendency,  often  not  caring  much  for  the  needs  or  well-being  of  others.

the emperor. (57%)

“the  arcana  is  the  means  by  which  all  is  revealed.  the  arcana  is  the  means  by  which  all  is  revealed…  only  courage  in  the  face  of  doubt  can  lead  one  to  the  answer..."

                emperor  symbolizes  the  desire  to  control  one's  surroundings,  and  its  appearance  could  suggest  that  one  is  trying  too  hard  to  achieve  this,  possibly  causing  trouble  for  others;  some  elements  in  life  are  just  not  controllable.  often  times,  you  are  troubled  by  something  very  personal,  and  doesn't  know  how  to  deal  with  it.

the chariot. (54%)

“the  arcana  is  the  means  by  which  all  is  revealed.  one  of  life's  greatest  blessings  is  the  freedom  to  pursue  one's  goals."

                the  chariot  arcana  is  a  symbol  of  victory,  conquest,  self-assertion,  control,  war  and  command.  you  are  typically  a  very  driven  individual,  who  has  a  personal  goal  that  you  aim  to  achieve  at  any  cost.  it  is  not  uncommon  for  chariot  characters  to  be  short-tempered  or  aggressive.

[calithal]

what kind of herb are you?  ༄            your result; dandelion.

                you  grew  up  too  fast  and  all  you  know  is  the  calluses  on  your  fists  and  the  thousand  invisible  scars  that  you  pretend  don't  ache.  your  anger  burns  so  bright,  so  hot  or  maybe  not  at  all,  so  deep  you  could  never  tell  it  was  there.  you  are  yours  and  you  will  defend  that  to  the  death  after  so  many  years  of  being  ripped  apart  and  denied  your  own  agency  and  maybe  you  are  still  facing  the  bastards  who  stole  your  innocence  but  you  will  survive  because  that's  the  only  thing  you  know  how  to  do  without  breaking,  the  only  thing  you  know  besides  protect,  protect,  protect,  protect,  yourself  or  sometimes  those  few  others  you  claim  as  yours.  you  are  a  thousand  sharp  edges  but  impenetrable,  a  traumatized  child  so  covered  by  thorny  armor  that  you  promised  yourself  you're  grown  now,  you're  stronger  than  anyone  who  has  ever  hurt  you.  you're  safe.  nothing  will  ever  hurt  you  again.  you're  so  alone  though  sometimes,  in  a  world  that  sees  you  as  too  much  or  too  broken  or  too  angry  or  too  hurt,  and  you  want  to  scream  with  the  too-much  of  it,  prove  that  you're  okay,  that  you're  self-reliant,  that  you  are  strong  enough  to  stake  your  claim  on  your  body,  on  your  mind,  on  your  heart,  on  your  people,  and  protect  it  from  any  who  dare  take  it  away  from  you.  you  are  the  sea  in  tempest,  a  howling  sky,  a  tsunami  in  motion,  a  force  of  nature,  no  matter  how  much  you  sometimes  yearn  to  be  still,  to  be  safe,  to  be  small.  you  are  a  dandelion,  stubborn  and  determined  to  grow  in  the  rockiest  of  soil,  and  bloom  again  in  spring.

tagged by;   @asoloact​​​​​​​  ♡♡ tagging;   you, steal this and say i tagged you!