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tehyunqs · 4 years

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𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄 — 𝐶𝐻𝐴𝑃𝑇𝐸𝑅 𝑇𝐻𝑅𝐸𝐸

OCEAN DRIVE in which a religious girl gets wirled up in a corrupt catholic church’s ties with a dangerous mob. ( a jeon jungkook au )

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: foul language, mob/mafia(??idk), mentions of hell, murder, mild explicit content etc….

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: hi! i hope you’re all enjoying the story so far :))

𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀: 𝟎𝟎𝟏 𝟎𝟎𝟐 𝟎𝟎𝟑

𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁

❝forgive me father, for i have sinned.❞

jungkook.

his name was engraved in the back of my brain, and my voice played it over and over again. i would often find myself in the darkness of my room, softly whispering his addicting name like a mantra, thinking about what it would feel like to have him on top of me. immediately after such filthy thoughts overpowered my weak and tempted body, i would sit up and stare at the portrait of mary staring right at me in shame, later crying out to the almighty father, begging for forgiveness.

i knew that getting on my knees and repeating the Hail Mary wasn't enough. i'd have to go to confession, but how could i confess such thing? saying it out loud made me feel dirty and ashamed. how could i let the devil overpower my body? i prayed. i went to mass. i tried to follow the ten commandments. i had all my faith in God. why had the devil chosen me as his next victim to terrorize, and drive away from the arms of the loving father?

did he expect me to just reject God after all he's done for me? after he saved my father from death, and gave him another chance? after constantly being by my family and i's side, making sure we all made it home safe and sound? he must be incredibly stupid and confident in his supposed skills if he thinks i'm going to betray the one who could obliterate him with the snap of his fingers for a man who makes me sinfully weak in the knees.

two days before i left for college, i sat on this uncomfortable chair with an uneasy feeling dancing at the pit of my stomach, slowly eating me away. with the way my eyes and furrowed brows burned, i could tell i was mistakingly letting my thoughts and feelings out into the world, where anyone who set their eyes on me would begin to pester me with never ending questions.

my eyes bored into the television screen, and i couldn't seem to look away from it. although i followed every step jesus took as he weakly walked to the calvary, carrying our heavy sins on his bloodied and beaten back, my mind was far from thinking about how selfish us humans are. as much as i tried, i couldn't bring myself to concentrate on this heartbreaking film, i couldn't think of anything else but him.

jungkook.

i closed my eyes tightly after finally being able to control my body, sighing quietly in frustration and guilt. a man that i barely knew was taking over my entire world, and as much as i tried to stop it, i couldn't.

i should've felt relieved when the clock struck nine, but i didn't. not when my father called, and said he wouldn't be able to pick me up. he tells me to call a cab, and i tell him i will, but i then realize i don't have any money on me. i couldn't believe what was happening to me, and i wanted nothing more than for this class to go on forever.

i'd have to walk home, and that meant having to walk by the abandoned apartments where he would be. i knew that without a doubt. there wasn't a day that passed by that i didn't see him sitting on the 7th step, cigarette stuck between his sinful lips. the lips that i reminisced about day and night, while i slept and while i was awake. when i was awake, he was all i daydreamed about, and when i was asleep, he was all i dreamed about.... as much as i hated myself for it, i always did.

my father and i were at mass one sunday morning like we usually were, and when it was time to leave, i walked with my head hung low in shame given how i had spent almost the entirety of it with him on my mind. i regretted the decision of looking up, because when i did, i saw him sitting in the far back.

jungkook, a year older than me, and a college dropout like the people at the abandoned apartments.

i felt like my eyes were playing a sick, twisted game on me, but i blinked twice, and he was still there. he smirked at me, which only encouraged my father to pull me closer to him. i could already begin to hear him warning me about becoming one like jungkook in the back of my head.

my father despises him. he might not have had a cigarette between his lips at that very moment, but he still despises the way he's dressed, the way he sits, and the fact that people like him exist. i like to think it's because that's what he used to be.

all i did was cowardly look away with a burning face.

ever since that day, i'd see him in that same spot every sunday. it was almost as if that last bench was the 7th step of the abandoned apartments.

but not once did i dare stop and acknowledge him. my dad and i would eat our bread, drink our wine, and leave without sparing jungkook a second look.

part of me felt bad because maybe he came to church every sunday in hopes that i would finally say something to him. but why should i feel bad for a man who's soon to be my doom?

when i was a few steps away from reaching the abandoned apartments, i felt like throwing up. i saw him sitting on the 7th step, and i couldn't see the cigarette between his sinful lips because his back was towards me, but there wasn't a single bone in my body that thought he didn't have one.

i wrapped my arms around my small figure, somehow thinking this would render me invisible when i passed by him. then i heard his boots repeatedly hitting the metal steps until they hit the pavement, a hand soon wrapping itself around my shoulder.

"what are you doing out here at this hour?" he questions.

it takes me a while to respond because i'm so entranced by his handsome face, and the feeling of his hand against my shoulder, but i soon get ahold of myself. "um, my dad couldn't pick me up from church."

"do you want a ride home?" i know i should say no, that my dad doesn’t like him. he doesn’t like the way he dresses, the way he sits, and the fact that people like him exist, but then i remember the feeling of his sinful lips on mine. i can't help but fail the 7th commandment to the boy that sits on the 7th step of the abandoned apartments, and i begin to hear my voice say, "sure."

he leads me into the alleyway between the abandoned apartments, and his familiar black car comes into view. we get in, but he doesn't start the car. instead, he looks over at me, and i do the same because i miss the sight of his brown eyes.

we remain in a comfortable silence unti he decides to speak up. "can i take you home?"

i feel his hand against my bare thigh in a matter of seconds, causing me to tense at the sudden contact, but i soon relax because i remember it's jungkook—the man i've sinfully craved every night in my room. his name screams danger, my father's warned me before. but here i am, vulnerably sitting before him as his fingers trail further and further up my skirt, and i don't ask him to stop. i don’t want him to stop.

all i can do is repeatedly glance from his lips to his eyes, reminiscing about the feeling of his sinful lips on mine.

"and kiss you?" he leans in closer towards my red face, and smirks at my flustered stance. "would you mind if i took the time to worship your body, and appreciate you?"

my breath hitches in the back of my throat.

worship my body? like i worship God?

a voice in the back of my head screams at me to leave, and run all the way home, because my dad hates him. he hates the way he dresses, the way he sits, and the fact that people like him exist.

he's the addiction the almighty father warns us about, and encourages us to fight with prayers and crucifixes. i know he's staring down at me with hopeful eyes, hoping i don't fall victim to the devil's temptation, and rip his fingers away from the waistband of my underwear just so i can run away.

but i disappoint him greatly when i say,

"i wouldn't."

i accept jungkook's invite.

and i also accept my invite to hell.

the following day, i sit inside the confessional, ready to repent for giving into the devil's temptation. i failed the 7th commandment to the boy who sits on the 7th step of the abandoned apartments. i still feel overwhelmed by the experience, but part of me wants to do it again. it's the part of me that'll soon convince the rest of me to shamelessly get on my knees for jungkook again. just like i do when i kneel down in front of mary, and do the sign of the cross.

jungkook.

i'm alone, but i can still feel the weight of him on top of me as he bites down on my neck, and trails his hands over my chest, down my stomach, and towards the spot where i ache for him the most.

the fact that i'm sitting inside the confessional in order to rid myself of the sin that i want to do again is enough to almost make me run out of there because i don't deserve God's forgiveness. i'm about to promise i'll never do it again, but i know i'm bound to find myself in jungkook's bedroom again, the floorboards painfully pushing against my knees as i look up at him in obedience.

"forgive me father, for i have sinned." i manage to say with a quivering voice.

"what have you done, child?" the pastor asks.

i could never say it out loud. especially not to my father's friend, who can't see me, but probably knows who i am by the sound of my voice.

"i gave into temptation," my hand automatically goes to one of my bruised knees.

the images of jungkook trailing kisses down my spine, my legs wrapped around his waist, and the look i gave myself in the mirror when i took in the love bites all over my neck and chest linger their way into my mind. they were all the things i could never bring myself to say out loud.

"forgive me for what i've done." i urge once more.

"and for what i'm about to do."

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