#–please refrain from using/refreshing the site until they say it’s back up and running!

[shortmexicangirl]

ao3 is down. what am i supposed to do?? continue writing my own fic??? HA you almost got me!! absolutely not. u can't fool me ao3. i'm not falling for that trick.

[back2thepalace]

Christmas Secrets

Okay so I know Christmas was over a month ago but I never finish this until really until recently but due to the lack of Parrlyn I am making it two parts (maybe more). So here is the first half of my mini fanfic.

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(Anne’s P.V)

Word Count- 2746

Trigger Warnings- Death, yelling, depression, or idk

Spell Checked- idk?

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I felt a cold stream of air hit me as I stepped out of the door. I walked a couple steps forward til i heard so yelling coming from behind me. I quickly turn around and see the door wide open. I grab the door knob pulling it shut to not let the warm air out. When it was shut I was relaxed, I was by myself in the cold crisp air. I took a breathe in, breathing in the cold air. It was refreshing to get out of the warm and stuffy house. I walked out from under the overhang covering the porch. I heard the snow crunch below my feet. I looked down to see a thin layer of snow under my feet. Little snow flakes on top of my shoes, they stood out from he black of my Doc Martens. I looked back up remembering why I was out here on Christmas Eve. I walked forward remembering that I was going to have to walk a little bit to get to the location I was going. I was going to my favorite book store it had a little cafe that i could get something to drink at. It was a nice little store on a corner a few blocks away. It had a nice homey feel, I could guess that as I had been going there since I was little. My dad used to take me there every Tuesday and on the cold days he would get me a hot chocolate. He would help me with reading at a young age. I was diagnosed with dyslexia. This is what also sparked my love of books, which a lot of my friends didn’t know about. That side of me is private locked away from the public, the sad memories, the ones that are pushed out to refrain from crying. The little bookshop was a sad memory because when I was in the 7th grade my dad passed away in a car crash. My mom was already died from complications in childbirth with my last sibling when I was 5. I haven’t seen any of my siblings for 10 years as after my dad did we were split up as my eldest sister was unable to care for me and my siblings. My dad didn’t leave something in the will about what to do with me and my sibling. I went to live with my cousin and none of my siblings came with me. It’s a sad thought that only one out of my five good friends know and that girl is also my cousin. My life went downhill from that point well emotionally. I was queen bee at school but that meant nothing mental and also damaged my mental state. Boys on me at all times and getting pulled into closets and empty rooms by boys just so they could make love to me. Which in the long run turned me lesbian but that is another problem as I have the biggest crush on one of my friend. The one I was going to a book shop late on Christmas Eve to go buy my secret Santa gift to her. I never really got the point of Christmas as I was raised Jewish, but celebrating Jewish holidays and doing the normal stuff Jews do for the religion aspects I don’t do it. None of my friends do it and I haven’t done anything for the religion sense 7th grade because my cousin’s family wasn’t Jewish or anyone else I know. I felt a small tear slide down my cheek as I saw the book shop in site. Think about stuff like this makes me really emotional, which is what I try to hide the most. I wiped the tear away scooping it away with my nail. I walked across the street getting to the front door. I pushed it open hearing the ringing of a bell over head. I walked in feeling the nice warm cozy feeling and realizing how numb my nose felt because of the cold. I walked in further smelling the smell of coffee and books, which I liked the smell of. I looked around seeing the barista that was usually there and that I talked to quite often when I was here. I gave her a small wave and she waved back. I turned down one of the isles walking into the maze of books. I looked over the short selfs to see the others in the store. One head caught my eye, a small half up bun with very curly pieces of hair coming down. I looked at the small little bun there was very little hair in it and I was sure I knew who it was. I saw the same style of hair on Cathy early. It was just my luck that my crush was here and I was shopping for her. I made my way towards her moving around the bookshelves. I reached the isle that she was in mystery novels. I had asked for mystery and romance novels for secret Santa, was it possible that she was giving to me. I walked down the aisle and stood next to her for a couple seconds.

“So, what are you looking for.” I say scaring the life out of Cathy.

“Anne?” She said not turning around in fear.

“Yeah, it’s me.” I say putting my hand on her shoulder looking down into the book she was looking at.

“Why are you here? Did you stalk me here? Cause we all know that you don’t like reading.” Cathy says in a pissed of tone pushing her shoulder back to through my hand off it. I stepped back, tears starting to pooling in my eyes. I took another step back feeling tears start to roll down my face. Another step and I was into the other book self.

“Like you would even care.” I say as more tears rush down my face as my fight or flight response kicks in. I run away from her, like all my problems. I didn’t look back, not even to see if her cute little face was looking at me. I ran as fast as I could, I felt as if my eyes waterfalled out. When I was out of the book isle I walked up to the cafe counter. When I got there the barista, Vicki, looked up at me.

“Oh, no Anne what’s wrong?” She says rushing out from behind the counter. When she gets to me she gives me a giant bear hug. I melt into the hug and push my face into her shoulder to stop that sounds of my sobs from being to loud. Her rubs my back, not asking a second time like most people would ask. She just sits there and is there for me. She pulls out a chair from the table that was beside us. We sit there in a hug for quite a while before she pulls away.

“I have to make a drink or two and then I will be back in a few.” She says before getting up. I wrap my arms around my head so that no one could see me.

“Can I get a tea and hot chocolate, please.” I hear the sounds of Cathy’s voice say. I hear a bit of shuffling before foot step heading towards me. I hear the noise of someone sitting down next to me.

“Anne, I am sorry for sounding pissed off. I help off buying my secret Santa a present and I am crazy stressed and I cannot pinpoint who it is.” Cathy says putting her hand on my elbow. Which I let stay on my elbow unlike her. I didn’t reply as I didn’t know what to say.

“Hey Annie, I am really truly-“

“Sorry! Are you really sorry, because you don't know what I have to deal with. Why does ever suition end with people, apologizing to me. Why do I always end up playing the victim. Am I actually as stupid as people think I am. Yeah probably. Just stupid little Anne with her stupid dyslexia, and her stupid life. Why can’t she just go burn in hell already.” I say yelling most things had been said to me over the years just all my energy got caught and let loose at Cathy. She sat there in shock, not knowing what to say.

“Catherine, one tea and one hot chocolate.” I hear Vicki say from behind the counter.

“That hot chocolates is for you, I was going to stay for a bit longer but you seem really mad so I am going to leave.” Cathy says getting up and walking to the counter to get her drink. Before she was able to reach the counter I got up and hugged her. I could tell that she was in utter shock in my sudden change of emotion but she wrapped her arms around me. Tears started to come out again, but this time tears of happiness. A couple seconds later I let go wiping my tears. As I looked up at Cathy I saw a look of confusion on her face.

“Anne, are you okay?” Cathy says as she stares deeply into my eyes. Her dark brown eyes staring into my hazel eyes.

“Yeah, just happy.” I say smiling. I release my arms from around Cathy’s body. She reached up gently brushing the tears off my face. My face must have been redder that a tomato when Cathy touched my face.

“Well can you explain to me, why you just burst out in tears.” Cathy asks walking back to the table that we had just been sitting at.

“I think you have to get the drinks first.” I say giggling a little bit as I sit down.

“Okay.” Cathy says and turns walking towards the counter going to grab our drinks. I reach up around my neck looking for the thin silver chain the belonged to the necklace that I hide from the world. I pulled it out from under my shirt where I kept it. I looked down at it as I held the small pendent of the Star of David. I moved it around on my palm staring at it. It was my moms, my dad gave it to me when I was ten years old. It was the only thing I had left from my childhood, everything else I lost when my dad died.

“What’s that?” Cathy says breaking me out of my trance I was in causing me to grip the little star in my hand. I felt it’s little points poking into my hand in my firm grip. I looked up at Cathy, who was holding our drinks. She places cup in front of me and sitting down in the chair across from me. I let go of the pendant on my necklace letting it fall a bit and bounce up before starting to move in circles like most necklaces do. I brought my hands up putting them under my hair and on the back of my neck and unclipping the necklace. Holding ends I took my hands out from under my hair and clipping them back together. I gathered the whole necklace in my hand and reached out to Cathy. She put her hand out and I dropped the necklace in her palm. I watched as she drew her hand closer to her face picking the pendant up with her two fingers.

“The Star of David?” Cathy asks confused looking up at me. My eye filled with tears. That was the first time I had ever let someone see my necklace.

“Yeah.” I said looking at Cathy. She sat there silent. I could tell she was confused on why I had the necklace.

“It was my moms.” I said.

“What?” Cathy said still confused.

“The necklace, silly. It was my only inheritance that I know of.” I said mentioning to the necklace with my hand.

“Inheritance?………Oh, Annie.” Cathy said as realized what happened. She got up up and gave me a hug. After a couple seconds she pulled out going to sit down again.

“How long?” She asks.

“10 year for my dad and 15 for my mom.” I say. Cathy was silent she probably thought it was a reacent than it was.

“Wow…… why don’t you talk about this?” Cathy asks.

“Because no one would care. Probably think I am joking about it.

“Does anyone else know?” She asks another question.

“Just Kitty, her family to me in. Only me though.” I say staring at the table.

“Wait, do you have siblings?” She asks.

“Yeah, I have eight.” I said looking back up at her.

“Eight! You have eight siblings. Why don’t you talk about this!” She said grabbing my hands.

“Because I don’t know where they are. I haven’t seen them for ten year.” I say.

“Oh. So going back to the star are you-“ she starts to say before I cut her off.

“Jewish, yes I am.” I say as I feel her place the necklace back in my hand.

“Why don’t you talk about you life more often!” She asks smiling like an idiot.

“Because know cares about my feelings thinking I am joking. Plus who knows what Cath is going to think when I tell her that I am Jewish.” I say kind of laughing at my last statement.

“Well I care about your feelings.” Cathy said. I looked down at my cup of Hot Chocolate. I traced my finger on the top of the lid of the cup. I picked up the cup bring it to my mouth. I tilted the cup and the drink filled my mouth. The sweet sensation of the liquid chocolate in my mouth. I put my cup down as I swallowed the liquid. I looked up at Cathy who looked confused. So I guess I had to explain to her.

“Every Tuesday, my dad would take me to this bookstore. He would help me with my reading. Every week after I got diagnosed. He would buy me a hot chocolate and just be there for me even with me being the middle child. Until one day, he didn’t come to pick me up, so I walk her to the bookstore. That’s when I saw it, my dad’s car crashed into the pole, the one right there.” I said pointing to the pole outside the window, “I knew it was his because the license plate was ripped off the car and was right under my foot. There was an ambulance, a fire truck, police cars, cation tap, and a group of people that was confused. I ran through the crowd, pushing and shoving people out of my way. I got to the police tap and when under, the police started to yell and I yelled back, Telling them that was my father's car. I remember the tears rushing down my face and the police letting me through to see my dad. He was dying they didn’t take home to the hospital because he would have died before he got there. I was there with my dad as he died. He talked to me and told me not to cry and that he was going to be fine, but I knew the truth and that he wasn’t going to make it. He told me things to tell my siblings and in his last moments he brought up his hand to my face and told me he loved me. Then he died, I still remember his face after a couple seconds. He turned white as a ghost and that, that’s what changed me for the rest of life. Took my childhood, innocence, and left me alone and orphaned. I cried and cried and cried, the police had to pull me off of him. They took me to the police station and kept me there for a long time, until Kitty’s family came. I never saw my siblings, got to get my stuff, or even go to my father’s funeral. Every night and even still I cry when I am alone, at night. I never was the same person again.” When I finished I saw that Cathy was crying, I was too.

“Anne…Anne…oh Anne.” Cathy said wrapping her arms around me.

“Anne I have to do something. I am really sorry but I have to leave.” Cathy says after a couple seconds.

“What?” I was barely able to see that.

“I am sorry.” Cathy said grabbing her tea and running out. Leaving me alone, again. I was alone. I sat there my hands on the cup of hot chocolate.