#—◆ tba. v. modern (literature teacher).

[naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

😞 For the sending muse to find the receiving muse in a state of sleep deprivation. - zeke :) :) either modern or main !

Insomnia was his longest-lasting company, the only constant in his ever-changing world. Erwin and Hange kept insisting he should take a few days off work. Their efforts came up empty, Levi showing up at the school early in the morning like he did every day, unbeknownst to him his schedule of classes was intentionally changed for the day to a more relaxed one. Something he would have immediately noticed, if he wasn't barely standing on his feet, his senses dulled, his head in a haze. His case was one they couldn't explain. Medications wouldn't work, neither using up all his remaining energy, hoping his body would collapse at some point — quite ironic, to hope for such a thing. Since there was no treatment, Levi didn't see a point in sitting around and waiting. Those children wouldn't.

After class, Levi took his break at the teacher's lounge. Completely on his own as he was, surprisingly the only teacher with a long break until his next class (not really a surprise, considering there were at least two people to look after him in secret), his eyes began to grow heavy. The silence of the room comforting, the warm soft light coming in from the window relaxing his tense nerves. Maybe, he could finally take a nap for a short while.

They say lack of sleep causes you to lose your mind. ‘ Extreme sleep deprivation can involve changes in perception of reality, including disorganized thoughts, speech, and delusions or hallucinations. ’ Levi’s paranoia had been growing stronger the longer he spent without any rest at all, having lost the count of days. The leash on his sanity was tight, holding at it with everything he had, for having known insanity far too well — the desire to dig his blade down one’s throat, the feeling of hot blood on his hands, holding a hand growing cold as life left one’s body.

Back then, many years ago, he had embraced insanity, as the only means to survive in a reality where people lacked any resemblance of humanity. A reality where after his mother’s death, he got to witness with his own eyes the darkest parts of the human soul. A reality where if Kenny hadn’t found him — hadn’t saved him — he would have led a short life void of any meaning. A reality where he had to wander the streets alone, fight, steal, and kill for his survival. But when he found a place to call home, a place to provide safety, a bed to sleep at night — when he found a moment’s rest, he put away his blade, stopped holding onto his madness like a rabid dog, chose to move on, despite the cracks and missing pieces his heart had suffered. It took greater strength to resist madness, and that was the path he had chosen for himself.

But something had recently changed. His inability to sleep had worsened, his instincts on incessant alert. What was to have changed? Was it discovering Kenny's dead body? Couldn't be. Levi was accustomed to loss. Maybe, it was the words he wished to hear from him and never would. Maybe, he wasn't losing it because he couldn't sleep. Maybe he couldn't sleep because he was losing it.

For a moment, his mind had grown silent. Mistakenly he thought his mind had finally surrendered to his body's needs. A familiar voice called his name, his figure blurry, while feelings of hatred and despair took over him. ❝ You missed me, didn't you, Levi?! I can't say I missed you! ❞ Zeke. He had to kill Zeke. ❝ Levi! ❞

A knife was pulled, regaining consciousness right before reaching the other’s neck. Dilated pupils tried to focus, still hard to distinguish him. The worst person at the worst time. Disoriented, he stared at his hand holding the knife. He was missing two fingers? For how long had he been carrying a blade? He couldn't recall. He let it fall to the ground, pushing his chair a step away from the blond. ❝ Don't wake people up all of a sudden. ❞ Damn it. Zeke would either make a fuss or ask questions Levi wasn't in a state of mind to avoid.