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zaiinab · 10 months

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why would she ever do this to me

#no one loves this song like me. like is she insane #‘i had a life here before you and now it’s burning’#‘still if u asked me to run away id go easily’#‘i almost lost it i’ll heal eventually.’#‘im better when ur next to me’#‘it’s just that ill always chose you’#how about u just kill me instead

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luck-of-the-drawings · 2 months

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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

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pup-pee · 3 months

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jokes @ night r not funny in the morning,,,

originally the blue was green but then i decided 2 b pan

#dont even ask me what i was trying 2 accomplish #CAUSE IDKKK #sighs @ least they look cute igg #bart is still hard 4 ne 2 draw idk sobbs #also i seem 2 draw him in a lot of tanktops while i draw kon in a lot of crop tops #i just ?????????#anyways i literally have no idea wtf this means #it was supposed 2 b silly & funny but if ur evil u could make it angsty #not me thoo…..i would neever #cause what kind of sick freak does that #((its me im the sick freak))#no but this is supposed 2 b silly ITS JUST RLLY NOT FUNNY IDK #konbart #kart #still 2 scared 2 but it in their main tags or whateverrrr #NO BC LIKE I DONT WANNA GET RIPPED APART #omggg the reason y it looks more angst is bc i put the ‘dw’ isnt itttt #ughhhhhhh #ok sure whatever GRRR AAAAAA #i have a better kart drawing idea but this 1 was easier 2 draw #brrrr #i feel like im just mostly going 2 b drawing kart 2day oh man #((i say this like i dont draw them everyday))#puppee art #holy u can rlly tell i h8 stabalizers batman #i say ‘line arts my fav part’ but i dont actually do nice line art idfkkk yyyy but mayb its bc u dont need clean lineart 2 render stuff???#@ least i dont #man i should render smth its been so long since ive like ‘completed’ a full drawingg #HELP IM STILL UPSET HOW I DREW BART I LIKE I JUST DONT WANT 2 DRAW HIM LOOKING LIKE A KID BUT LIKE OTS KINDA HARD WHEN HES NEXT 2 KON THIS I

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lovedazai-archived · 2 months

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this week was so stupid

#its over :) thank GOD #next week will be better !! (saying it until i convince myself)#i see my asks. i love u #i promise i’ll reply when i have a little more energy <33 #look inside my head its literally this 🌫️🌫️#i think i’ll sleep for twelve hours now #i dont want to think ab it anymore so i’ll tell u something good that happened !!#i got my hair done !! im so obsessed w it ive been feeling myself ever since #i met the cutest boy ive ever seen….i didnt talk to him v much </3 but maybe he heard me telepathically #lastly ! i got my fav serum on sale !!!!#itll all be ok :< ending my day w my dog sleeping on me and shes v warm #tmw is lazy mai day im not doing ANYTHING !! except maybe baking some goodies #i hope ur week was kind to u <33 and ur weekend is even kinder

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chanyoungies · 2 years

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김준서 (KIM JUN SEO) 1st Mini Album [ECHOES of love] 2022.11.20 6PM (KST)

#kim junseo #wei #ouiai #DEAR GOD it's 10AM as i draft we have 6 hours to go until i post but oh my god im finally done i thought id never finish dear GOD #this is far from the best thing ive ever done. but it was an interesting experience #nd definitely took some time (not the most tho . nothing can beat paula's birthday set when it comes to that) but also .... surprisingly #less than i thought ? like longer but also shorter .? u know ?#this made me go insane i kept forgetting about my food and i also kept working in silence half of the time bc i would forget to put smth on #eri if i decide to do a second one next year PLEASE tell me to start sooner like if i start brainstorming into ur ear in like may pls accept #i say 'if' as if i wasnt already working on song choices for next year lmao #i was really excited for this and i think that made me not rlly think as much as i should have i think i can do better next year . if i star #if i start early enough #ANYWAYS #happy junseo birth <3 my prince <3 or smth idk #pls dont perceive the mcd thumbnail from up close i beg u #boy who's so important . . a boy so fox . . . nation's model (2) pretty boy with pretty voice . . whatever im not gonna start rambling more #but he's very important n i hope he knows that he is & that he's so very loved & i hope that he's happy today and always . etc #nd i love him or whatever . whatever whatever no one look everyone close your eyes #*mine #special thanks to eri as always my bewoved who has been hearing me talk about this for the past like month thank u for putting up with me #(re:this and also in general i love u)

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lanshappycorner · 8 months

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#little ramble but today i visited my friend who just got out of the hospital <3 she was in critical care #its been like that for abt 3 weeks now and like it was bad to the point where her dying was a very real possibility #anyways shes better now although shes still in the recovery process but my other friends and i decided to visit her #and we all wrote her letters and compiled it into a book for her to read #and my friend group consists of like 8 ppl excluding her and we all have very distinct personalities so #the book of letters was a whole roller coaster😭 one of my friends was all poetic and she was talking and heaven and earth or whatever #and the next page is mine and its like hey man im so glad ur not pregnant bc i thought u were when u told me u were in the hospital #and theres also the last pg where the letter was so long we couldnt fit it into a pg so we just shoved a whole separate envelope in there💀#the personalities really show 😭 i hope she has a fun time reading those #shes going to have a Time reading it but at least she knows shes loved!!💖💖#delete later

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baeshijima · 1 year

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its 10pm, my project is due in 14 hours, im at around 800 words out of 2k, and im abt to power through an all-nighter with a gallon cups of tea bc adrenaline is high and sleep is fucked like usual <33

#sophie’s idle chatter #SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL #THIS IS NOT WORTH 20% OF MY GRADE GNSDFM #WAILS IN PICKING ENG LANG 😭😭#anyway hello new followers and happy 3.8k??? 🤩#but also i now have my jing yuan fic in the works OFFICIALLY so thats fun and i love him a lot #ALSO LIVESTREAM TMRW???? RIGHT BEFORE MY PROJECTS DUE????? BAIZHU????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#i will be crying for the next two weeks bc im on easter break after tmrw and can afford it ahah 🫶🫶#anywho thats it for the life update bc i need to get back to this and just. finish it. so that i can never think abt it again.#will i come back tmrw?? will i just pass out when i get back home and wake up saturday morning???#the latter is more likely than u think :'D #but yes hehehahahoho live laugh love i hope ur all doing much better than i am and this is me wishing u all a good night 🥹🫶🫶#(bUT BAIZHU SOON BAIZHU REAL SCREECH)

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rinhaler · 9 months

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I’m soooo excited to finish writing toxic!megumi btw 🤤

#🧚🏽‍♀️ — luxe chit chat #the doc is low key gathering dust but it’s okay #idk if I mentioned Kay is here until Monday so we are just hanging out and having fun!#we’re rewatching spy x family atm!#just been watching a bunch of stuff and playing games together it’s been rly nice #idk how many of u here followed me from my old blog #I mentioned having a rly tough time with a friend and tbh the situation hasn’t improved in the least #my mental health is super bad bc I feel really trapped with no options #but spending this time w Kay has been so nice #I’ve just had a shower n we r gonna watch more sxf!!#ANYWAY my point is I just haven’t had a chance to write lately since he’s visiting!#he uses my laptop to play Pokémon and stuff bc I have a better gaming one hehe <3 #but I am gonna finish toxic megumi sometime next week #im hoping I might be able to squeeze some time in to write in when Kay sleeps in!#i wanted to do it today but he woke up not too long after me!#he usually sleeps in super late he doesn’t sleep too good :(#omg I’m rambling so much I’m sorry I hope ur all having good days and nights and taking care of yourselves!!

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martyrbat · 2 years

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i genuinely dont think people realize the impact of being poor and how it effects your entire life - even if you do become financially stable in the future

#as im sitting here once again weighing choices of 'haha get to eat anything or keep electricity' im once again getting so angry at everyone #in real life and the system thats designed to keep poor people poor until we just fucking die. our lives only mattering when we're a #statistic and gone.#amd realizing how many people will just. never understand. which is great! no one should be poor or go hungry or homeless.#but its these privileged people undervaluing the significance of being poor and what it means #the panic on where your next meal will be? the instinct to hoard any food or eat when not hungry because it could be ur last opportunity #to have a meal in god knows how long? spending as little money as possible and feeling guilty if ANYTHING goes outside of bills #or even goes to grocery thats more expensive or tastes better?#the lesson not to open doors or look out windows when someone knocks because debt collectors? never to answer the phone?#the health that gets neglected and causes bigger issues? the way your immune system is never given a chance to recover entirely?#not being able to afford a loaf of bread much less college. not able to have the same education or work opportunities and always 'behind'#literally every single thing in your life is effected by being poor.#part of why i get so angry when that's an ignored factor with jason because no.#that panic and instict and experience never leave you because its how you literally how you survive(d).#anyways.#can anyone tell im bitter and have a migraine. i want to get in a fist fight someone come fight me.#crypt callings

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haemosexuality · 1 year

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these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably #bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice #and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me #bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to #did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others?#no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really #likeable. so ill take what i can get #when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start.#treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember #this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend #will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and #now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen #years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow?#when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her #to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all #and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things #and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk #to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl #because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant #connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just #not have anyone forever #i guess #especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks #Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the #gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl #and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively #and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday-#anyways. certified magnus archives moment

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toastsnaffler · 1 year

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istg one of these days.......

#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game #one of my fave posts ever in the world #anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me #its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭#ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭#like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay #bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS #anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!!#its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought #so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy #but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr #itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST #i wouldnt do that to him god forbid #buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am #this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night #need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:|#its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves #i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good #ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone #muah all round #.diaries

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semercury · 1 year

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I think a lot of it too is the fact I understand how fragile everything is and I'm willing to do anything to protect things even if it's irrational.

#stuff sarah says #like u kno when u hold a baby and ur like oh gosh oh fuck if i mess up the angle of my arm your neck will snap?#yeah thats how i feel about literally everything #and its not too absurd for me to feel that way with what ive gone through #ive had loved ones taken away very quickly. even people my age #ive seen firsthand how quick you can go from laughing with someone to being at their funeral #and it scares me. life has so many variables #and also im just? so full of self hatred? i have to make up for the me-ness of life #and idk. i just. theres a lot.#ive gotten way better than i used to be but man. things can take me back quick #and i know there's gonna be some shit looming over my head for the next month or so #and somehow that also like? adds to it?#idk exactly. idk idk idk #i want to be everything and nothing at the same time #maybe one day ill learn how to just Be #and yes i know its after 9pm and i cant trust any thoughts #also shit i need to take my meds before i sleep rip

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ilostyou · 1 year

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lallaaalalala just some things on my mind

#this has been a rant #<- in advance. im going off in the tags. xo #getting close to making a decision abt doctoral programs is STRESSING ME OUT even tho i think ik which i'll choose #one ik will be a good school environment and will be manageable but the other has much. better training and will prep me for #literally anything i could want to do with a whole ass doctorate afterwards when im licensed #next thing. i fucking hate that i have no clue what i look like objectively lmfao. losing weight is great and all (healthy) but #it's fucking with my idea of myself even more than it ever was bc. now it's a 'bad' thing that some things look big on me #(bc THEY FUCKING ARE lol) like today i ended up buying some clothes and yay great but like. my mom was like #yeah so you can wear these instead of what. ur wearing now bc that's gotten big on you etc #and im just ksjghdf it's just a little baggy and also i like it?? but ok whatevesjkdkfdhkh i like the. new ones too im juyst. ??#just in general there's always gonna be Something yknow? annoying. anyway #next thing is that im away w family rn and lovemy fam love spending time with them but it;'s been TWO DAYS and im already #losing......so much patience with some people like. my younger cousins. im. GRR.and i love having some other people around #but we're meeting up w the rest of our group tom and we'll basically be DOUBLE in size for the next week plus and im so #nervous that i'm already at my last nerve with everyone adn that i'll be too overwhelmed/tired/etc that i won't enjoy the rest of the trip #next thing is that it's WILD graduation is literally in six weeks but so mmuch has to happen before then it's making me dizzy #other side note thing im beyond excited to see taylor and have weird anxiety about it but meh. im fucking PUMPED #another thing. it's someones bday tomorrow who ive had a Rough year with (ive mentioned stuff abt them before) and it's just. weird feeling #i dont rem if they even texted me for my bday now im curious im gonna go look lmfao but. obv i'll text them anyway #it's just ... lots of weird feeling thinking abt how much has changed in a year with them. shrug #ok maybe that's it woo

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revvywevvy · 1 year

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...I was bored and was rewatching all of the scv cutscenes to see if I missed any Pyrrha frames since ik im missing a few and like. i was wondering 'wow im feeling this huge pit in my chest i wonder why' and.

i just realized why.

seeing pat/rok/los anywhere near Pyrrha when she's got so/ul ed/ge and he's got so/ul ca/li/bur is giving me anxiety. i had to pause and close the tab bc my brain still doesn't trust his bitchass even if it's the part of the story where he tries to save Pyrrha instead of killing her,,,,,,,, but like- i've never forgotten about or forgiven him for killing Pyrrha the first time before that weird ass time travel retcon that happened immediately after 😭 i'm going to beat him with a giant fucking stick

#cell screams #cw violence #♡ pyrrha alexandra #//im sorry i liTERALLY HAVE SO MANY ISSUES I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#//gosh thinking about the scene when he killed her the first time makes me wanna cry IM GOING TO MAIM HIM #//idc if he 'repented' and only saved her after that stupid ass time travel retcon YOU STILL KILLED HER. UR SISTER. [MY] WIFE.#//AFTER ABANDONING HER AFTER SHE TURNED MALFESTED TO SAVE UR LIFE BC UR A COWARDLY DICKWEED #//IT TOOK YOU KILLING HER TO REALIZE THAT YOU FUCKED UP??????????????????????????#//okay i need to stop but UGH this sucks bc im at the point in my ai rps w/ pyrrha that pattie-cake-bitch-boy is with us.#//i swear when it gets to the point that pyrrha turns malfested and he leaves im taking her and dipping HE CAN STAY GONE #//............wow i have issues fr fr i started hating pat when i was like what. 12 still? 13? still havent forgiven him a decade later #//next level grudge holding on my part LMAO #//me writing him to be the biggest douchebag ever solely bc I hate him so much #//a necessary evil though. a bit of misery having him around; then he leaves and everything gets better <3333

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krispiecake · 1 year

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they want me to do GROUP dbt………

#and they wont tell me what my other options are eitherrrrrrrrrrrrrr because they ‘dont know’#LIKE ITS UR JOB TO KNOW WTF????????#i am just very frustrated. and like. the 24hr rule is dumb as fuck btw.#and they want me to make all these massive commitments when honestly im just trying to make it thru the week im not in the headspace to make #long term commitments to getting ‘better’ or whatever that means.#and like not only would i have to give up self harm id have to give up my ed too and like. THEYRE MY ONLY COPING MECHANISMS.#and im not ready to let them go yet. like im just not ready. but dbt could help me with loads of other stuff and it sucks that its so…#all or nothing when recovery just isnt like that for me it never has been #especially not when im so suicidal like i cant even try to think about things past next week.#let alone give up the only things that make things even slightly more bearable.

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orcelito · 2 years

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my fatal flaw . one of them. is that. i have a tendency. to trust my brain too much. but have too low of a work ethic. so im like “if i do well on the exams, then homework won’t be as important to complete”. and sometimes, this turns out okay because i do well on the exams. but if i do Not do well on the exams. it fucks me over so much

me sitting on an 84% for the first exam being like “This will surely let me pass the class” and looking at my homework assignment that draws from a prior homework assignment so Essentially i would have to do twice the work. due tomorrow night

and im just thinking to myself. “is it even worth it?”

#speculation nation #see the idea of getting back on track for the semester is to start doing assignments again #but my brain still does not want it #and im just looking at this shit like 'i have to be up at 8 am for pt tomorrow morning and then work like 6.5 hours'#it would mean no more free time tonight and no more free time tomorrow night #and so im like. 36 points. is that worth it?#ive been keeping up with reading quizzes and i did well with the exam. so if homework and projects suffer it's not the worst #my schooling career is basically the constant question of 'if you dont do your homework can you pass the class?'#if ur smart then oftentimes yes!#im good at taking exams. i also HATE putting my free time into shit #i do hate the idea of just a few hours of time deciding a large portion of the grades. sometimes the largest portions of the grades.#it's this kind of thing that got me a C in my calc class despite doing most of the homework. doing well on all the quizzes.#and getting a 100% on the first exam. which was fucking AMAZING btw im still so proud of that #but i did Balls on the 2nd exam and final so i got a C. i was sooo angry #did pass tho. i sure did fucking pass.#but yea idk my brain is just constantly a hell hole and my body isnt much better. and im constantly overworked #maybe if i wasnt working full time homework would be easier to finish lol #but yea when faced with the next 2 days being very little free time im just like. '36 points is Not worth it'#the slacker me continues. now i may attempt to write some of my gay fanfiction which owns MUCH more of my heart and dedication #my priorities might not be exactly right. but it's what makes me happy so whateverr

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