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[wriothesleysgf]

FOR IF I AM NOT YOURS , WHAT AM I ?

— k. nanami.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ about — november 1st, 2018.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ notes — huge spoilers, major character death/injury, grieving, angst/ hurt.

you wished you told him not to go. you wished he wasn't so good at quelling your fears. you wished it was you in his place.

everything was in ruins after the shibuya incident. nobody knew exactly who survived, but there wasn't a sorcerer who hadn't lost somebody close to them. you had been split up from nanami, having shared a sweet goodbye. with your rct skills being above average, you were assigned to stay in the backlines alongside shoko.

no matter how much you tried to prepare yourself, you had to push yourself to work endlessly despite being in shock. the horrors were endless, and you couldn't help but let out a sob when the barely-breathing body of one of the students that you care so deeply about got brought in. this was the precise reason that you were against jujutsu students qualifying for grades. they'd be put in such dangerous situations. thoughts about how young nanami had sobbed in your arms after his best friend's untimely death flashed through your mind. you had no choice but to put all of these emotions aside, and do everything you could to ensure that the young girl got another shot at life.

you stayed there way past when the sun rose. shoko tried to convince you to take a break but to no avail. considering how closely the two of you had worked, with her being a third year when you joined jujutsu high, you could usually read her. however, you were too focused to notice that there was something she had to tell you. it took shoko forcing a cup of hot tea into your hands to get you to take a few minutes out and try to calm down.

"have you heard from the others?" you ask immediately, your hands shaking slightly. "what time is it?"

"it's 2pm." shoko replies. she's struggling to make eye contact with you, not wanting to be the one to tell you. "i..."

"nanami." you state. "he said he'd come by as soon as he can... is there still bad traffic around the stations?"

shoko finally looks at you. you already appear broken. your eyes are wide and glossy and you're still shaky. the dark circles under your eyes are becoming more and more prominent. something tells her that you already know deep down.

she says your name in an uncharacteristically soft tone. you drop the mug of tea, letting it spill all over your jeans and the broken porcelain shatter as it hit the hard ground.

"n... no..." you whisper. shoko comes towards you, pulling you into her arms— a wise move, because your knees give out. "how... who... what happened..." you choke out between sobs.

she manages to manoeuvre you towards a small room where you can be alone. there, she explains all of the details that were relayed to her. a knock at the door interrupts her, and shoko stands to see who's there. akari nitta comes in, and sits by your side. a simple nod from the brunette tells her what she needs to know, and she wraps an arm around you.

"he... he saved me, you know? i don't know if it makes you feel any better, but when nobara and i were alone, he looked after us." she begins to ramble, something that nitta always did when she was nervous. "i'm so, so sorry. he's a good man." she doesn't have the heart to speak about him in the past tense.

"do... was he alone? did he go in alone? after seeing you?"

nitta shakes her head. "he went in alone to meet with zen'in's group." you nod.

"he also met up with fushiguro and itadori. itadori was with him when..." shoko adds.

"is yuji okay? he's seen too much already..." you worry. both women couldn't help but feel their hearts ache. despite your own pain, you were concerned about itadori— no wonder nanami had fallen in love with you.

shoko nods. "okkotsu and fushiguro are with him."

everything in the room is quiet as you process it all. you find yourself fidgeting with the ring on your left hand. after a few moments, you could have sworn it shone for a second. you looked up to see the source of the light, but were met with none. somehow such a small occurrence made you feel more at ease. it was almost as if nanami was sending you a reminder that he's here with you, even after death. you recall the feeling of his embrace, the feeling of him wiping your tears with the soft pad of his thumb. your kento always knew how to make the most devastating moments feel lighter... yet those all felt like nothing compared to this new heartbreak.

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