#❥ OOC; Gone Quackers

[diamxndinthedirt]

{I'm feeling WIDE-AWAKE!!! But I don't know what to write!!! Nothing's working!!! So, maybe...

LIKE FOR MEMES IN YOUR ASK OR I'LL SHOOT ELMER!}

[starringshe]

{Blog under major construction!}

[diamxndinthedirt]

{It's been nearly two years since I last posted here?! Well, guess who the fuck spent the entirety of the day re-watching Brandon's content due to a sudden re-surge in their hyper-fixation with this character?!

LIKE THIS POST for SENTENCE MEMES in your ask from Elmer Phitts!}

[diamxndinthedirt]

{Alright, well, never mind.. I got bored with editing tags very quickly, lmao!!

Consider this post a sort-of SHIPPING CALL for Elmer's Hard Feelings verse? I'm open to lots of different plots & dynamics with this one, so...HIT THE LIKE?}

[diamxndinthedirt]

@sevenstxrsiblings sent a sentence starter: “Why is it whenever we see each other you’re covered in blood?” Let’s send Osian or Alette at you - unless you want someone else go for it <3 also thanks for the follow brandrodgersislife

diamxndinthedirt:  

»»————-　♡　————-««

{♥} – ❝Yeah, I’m fine, thanks for asking.❞ Elmer sneered and spat blood at the side of the road before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and scowling in Osian’s direction, unreceptive to the misperceived judgement. ❝If you just stopped by to lecture me, I don’t wanna fuckin’ hear it, alright?❞

[diamxndinthedirt]

@codenamejudas said: Judas cackled. Not AT Elmer, but the sheer honesty. “Damn dude. Nine-to-fiving got you rough eh?” He’d tried that once. He preferred his current job even if it technically labelled him as a terrorist. “You need something to get you through the day, man? Is weed legal here? It’s- it’s weed, I’ve got weed.” A handful of slightly cold change was dug out of his pocket and clinked onto the counter. “Can’t miss the car, she’s bright red with one lovely little gold side mirror. Sharing is caring yea?”

diamxndinthedirt:  

»»————-　♡　————-««

{♥} – ❝Nine-to-five?❞ Incredulity fluctuated his tone. He should be so fucking lucky! ❝Try seven-to-ten, and for half the pay. Believe me, the legality of weed is the least of my fuckin’ problems.❞ He heaved a sigh, overworked & underpaid, ❝But yeah, it’s legal.❞

The long-suffering store clerk would ensure that each and every last penny of the loose change was accounted for before printing his receipt and setting it with Judas’ purchases. Elmer glanced at his watch. Almost lunchtime. ❝Can you give me a couple minutes to lock up? My manager isn’t here today, so…I’m on duty, I suppose.❞

[starringshe]

neckxcontour >>> starringshe

[starringshe]

Tell me about Alexanders penis.

{♥} – Caroline almost choked on her double caramel swirl iced macchiato with low-fat cream when she heard the nature of the request! She stared at the unfamiliar woman, wide-eyed. Gulping down what she could without (most) of the coffee spilling down the sides of her mouth & down her chin, she genuinely had to grip onto the table for a moment to just breathe for a second or two. ❝What the...fuck is wrong with you?!❞ she exclaimed, high-pitched & aghast. Her cheeks were flushing red with embarrassment, ❝How the bloody hell am I supposed to know, anyway?! I’m his manager!❞ And adoring devotee, ❝Is it - is it hot in here...? Can somebody open a window, please?❞ She was fanning herself with the coffee shop’s menu, visibly flustered by the topic of conversation. ❝For God’s sake...!❞ There was a detectable hint of jealousy in her tone when she addressed the other woman this way. She very clearly cared way too much about this particular topic for it to simply be coincidental. That much would’ve been obvious to anyone who knew her, apart from the man, himself.

[starringshe]

Whats Alexs penis size???

{♥} –  ❝Oh, not this shit again!❞ complained the blonde with an excruciated grimace, ❝Seriously, if you don’t fuck off, I’m gonna throw my latte at you & then you’ll be sorry, won’t you?! For the last time, I don’t know anything about Alexsander’s penis, and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you, so STOP ASKING!❞ Caroline yelled back at them from the window of her car, ❝You people are stressing me out...!❞

[starringshe]

Continued from {x} @pastelphoenix2​

pastelphoenix2:

Can you tell me about his butt instead then?? I need this info!! *slams hands on table* Its important I swear! Trust me.

neckxcontour:

{♥} – Caroline’s brows knitted tightly together in what was quite frankly a very concerned frown as Lily’s hand smacked the table, ❝Are you, like, a stalker or something?! What sort of person just goes around asking about people’s genitals?!❞ She was beginning to become rather angry as she stood up promptly from her table, and threw on her Louis Vuitton jacket over her bare shoulders, ❝Leave me alone & don’t ask me about Alex again! Just...use your imagination or something!!❞ She advised. Hell knew that she certainly had to. ❝Jesus...!❞ She was heading towards the door when she suddenly made the realisation that she had abandoned her macchiato, kitten heels striding her with purpose back to her table before she snatched back her drink and stormed off again, slightly disturbed by the woman & her boldness to ask these things. She must gave been some sort of crazed fanatic...come to think of it, she was going to warn Alex about this!