#【 … 】 ━━ 𝙽𝙰𝚅𝙸𝙶𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽. : ❪ verse 03. ❫

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@shokutsus inquired : ❛  i never thought i'd see you again. why did you come back into my life now?  ❜ consider re!nanami had retired and years later, ada finds him ☝️ inbox prompt : more random angst sentence starters. prompt status : accepting !

𝙍𝙐𝙉𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂  𝙒𝘼𝙎  𝙎𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂  𝘼𝘿𝘼  𝙃𝘼𝘿    excelled  at  since  she  was  a  child  ,  her  life  one  never  ending  race  at  break  neck  speeds  the  mercenary  was  forced  to  keep  up  with  otherwise  she'd  find  herself  in  the  clutches  of  those  who'd  make  her  life  a  living  hell  ━  if  not  that  ,  then  it'd  be  death  that  awaited  her .  the  ever - looming  threat  of  failure  (  and  by  proxy  death  )  had  been  something  she'd  been  attempting  to  worm  herself  away  from  for  years  ,  but  no  matter  the  path  she  took  it  always  seemed  just  around  the  corner  simply  waiting  for  a  slip  up  to  be  enough  to  take  her  where  she  stood .  the  routine  her  and  nanami  had  fallen  into  certainly  had  been  a  misstep  ,  maybe  not  one  that  showed  itself  to  be  one  right  away  ,  but  one  that  definitely  was  blaringly  obvious  now  ,  especially  as  she  sat  outside  his  door .  this  was  the  last  place  she  should've  been  ,  she  knew  that .

however  ,  after  spending  hours  next  to  the  deathbed  of  the  only  person  who  had  known  who  she'd  been  before  all  the  trauma  and  pain  solidified  into  the  facade  that  was  plastered  to  her  as  a  second  skin .  though  perhaps  it  was  only  fitting  she  now  stood  where  she  did  ,  seeking  out  one  of  the  only  people  able  to  crack  through  that  facade  ,  able  to  peek  through  the  lies  and  quick  wit  she  hid  behind .  the  weight  of  the  newly  aquired  wooden  rosary  around  her  neck  seems  like  it  was  weighing  her  down  ,  refusing  to  let  her  move  from  where  her  feet  had  stopped  just  in  front  of  his  door .  for  a  few  moments  she  hesitates  ,  before  a  hand  tentatively  moves  from  her  side  ,  glove - covered  knuckles  rapping  against  his  door  ,  so  timidly  it's  barely  audible  even  to  her .  the  silence  that  follows  feels  suffocating  and  there  is  a  brief  moment  she  feels  like  leaving  ,  filling  it  under  a  loss  cause . 

maybe  he  moved  ,  maybe  he  knew  it  was  her  and  maybe  he  didn't  want  to  see  her  ,  she  wouldn't  blame  him  for  the  latter .  nanami  had  retired  ,  had  left  this  life  behind  and  here  she  was  ,  asking  him  to  reinvolve  himself  for  her  sake .

it  would  be  better  ,  for  him  ,  not  to  answer .

yet  ,  the  spiraling  of  her  thoughts  is  soon  stopped  by  the  sound  of  his  lock  unlatching  ,  light  peeking  through  the  seal  of  the  door  soon  after .  there  were  probably  a  handful  of  times  ada  could  remember  when  she  was  nervous  coming  face  to  face  with  nanami  ,  most  of  them  were  because  she  knew  at  the  end  of  the  day  their  respective  jobs  would  have  them  at  each  other's  throats  and  there  was  always  a  marginal  chance  he'd  finally  get  the  upper  hand  on  her  and  finally  her  small  mistakes  would  catch  up  to  her .

perhaps  back  then  ,  death  would've  been  easier  ,  a  mercy  even  ━  at  least  compared  to  what  could  await  her  now  should  she  be  caught .      it  doesn't  come  as  surprise  her  that  he  motions  for  her  to  come  in  ,  after  all  ,  it  was  probably  the  smartest  move  on  his  part .  it  hardly  would  be  the  best  look  for  him  to  be  caught  with  her  at  his  door  ,  even  with  him  being  years  into  retirement .  though  she  is  expecting  his  questions  ,  once  it's  finally  asked  ,  there  is  a  poignant  silence  that  follows .  if  the  rosary  had  cemented  her  to  her  spot  when  she  was  outside  of  his  door  ,  being  inside  had  made  it  feel  as  if  it  was  bringing  the  weight  of  gravity  on  her  shoulders  ,  pushing  all  the  air  from  her  lungs .  while  his  words  hung  in  the  air  around  them  there  was  only  a  weak  ,  soft  spoken  voice  that  burned  in  the  forefront  of  her  mind .

' promise  me  you've  had  a  good  life . '

such  a  silly  sentiment  from  a  woman  who  hadn't  seen  ada  since  she  was  a  child  ,  from  someone  she'd  had  forced  herself  to  believe  was  dead .  her  life  had  been  anything  but  good  ,  it  had  been  horrible  from  the  moment  they'd  been  separated .  no  matter  the  truth  ,  she  had  lied  ,  lied  and  told  her  frail  ,  dying  mother  she'd  had  a  life  worth  living  not  one  facing  the  horrors  of  the  world  face  on .  it  had  been  one  of  the  last  things  spoken  between  them  and  it  had  been  nothing  but  a  lie  ,  the  very  knowledge  of  it  felt  like  poison  in  her  body .  ada  had  mourned  her  parents  a  long  time  ago  ,  yet  ,  now  knowing  that  the  whole  time  they  were  there  ,  wishing  for  a  day  that  their  daughter  that'd  been  lost  to  them  would  return  ,  it  made  the  mercenary's  chest  ache  violently .

it  had  been  what  had  driven  her  here  ,  back  to  him  ,  of  all  places  seeming  looking  for  ,  well  ━  for  help  and  perhaps  that's  why  it  felt  so  unnatural  ,  so  wrong .  she  was  never  the  one  who  asked  help  ,  she  was  the  one  who  people  went  to  when  they  needed  the  help  ,  her  whole  profolio  was  filled  with  her  achieving  the  impossible .

who  even  knew  if  his  offer  to  help  her  leave  still  stood .

❛  i  know . ❜  finally  the  words  she  searches  for  are  able  to  be  spoken  ,  though  she  curses  on  how  defeated  her  voice  comes  across .  ❛  you  were  the  only  person  i  could  come  to .  though  ,  i  understand  if  you  want  me  to  leave . ❜

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tags pt. two