#살뺴!

[seouliloquy]

Futsal, and yesterday’s Monday PT with Coach hrrrrrrrr

Saturday was FC Elise’s first 친선 with 동덕여대, our friends over at Wolgok. They have in indoor futlas court (almost like playing indoor soccer back in the day because it was a hard court not a turf court) and we played for 2 and a half hours. Most of us have been pretty sedentary during the vacation, and also haven’t played futsal in a LONG time, which is a really fast paced quick back and forth game. So i was pretty worn out at the end of it. it felt so good though. i’m getting a lot better at ball handling.   So I’ve been going to the gym regularly for about 2 months now, at least 3 times a week i’d say. I’m lifting weights and i’m really getting into it. 

I had asked my team’s new director/coach for some tips since he’s certified in PT on some exercises that i could incorporate into my workout that are not just good for strength and aesthetics/weight loss but sport specific, to improve my performance and endurance for soccer. 

So he suggested doing a kind of group PT at our school’s other gym in the 418 building, since he knows the grad students who manage it. So a few of us met at 10am yesterday and did some lower body exercises. most stuff i already do or mix in sometimes, and he knew that, so of course when he handed everyone a dumbbell to try the exercise with a weight he hands them the pink dumbbells and then to me 2 5kg ones like “here you go kaela i already know you can handle this with no problem.”

i’m not embarrassed by that, since i kinda like that i’m strong. i probably could have done a heavier weight but lighter is better for correcting form. but i still felt kind of crappy. especially watching myself during exercises like jump squats while my whole midsection and chest jiggled all over the place. i hate jumping because of my breasts being all floppy and crap. there is nothing cool about being busty. i don’t care what anyone says. i want the jiggle to be gone asap. 

i’m quite obviously stronger than everyone on my team. I can squat almost my own weight (which is overweight so think about that) and i’ve managed to succeed a deadlift max of 35kg so far. Which is a great accomplishment for me but my teammates struggled with bodyweight squats or holding an ez bar on their shoulders, and I can sprint 20m in 6 seconds. 

Everyone starts somewhere. so i’m not judging them for being ‘weak.’ they didn’t play sports growing up like i did and have different dietary habits and metabolisms and genes and cultural expectations about their bodies. 

but it doesn’t make me feel better being stronger because i’m still fatter than the others and not as fast or quick footed. i don’t want to be scrawny or thin but i definitely should be down at least 10kg... :( 

and when my favorite dongsaeng is like “i wanna lose weight” and she’s like tiny as fuck and i keep trying to tell her that she just needs to gain muscle and balance because she keeps getting pushed around on the field and doesn’t know how to start-stop sprinting without falling over like a rag doll. She’s already had a bad knee injury and her scar keeps splitting open when she falls so i wish she would listen to me in that respect instead of always just jumping on the treadmill and not doing anything else. like i said, she’s my favorite dongsaeng and we’re really close. 

but, either way i’m glad we had this sort of PT session. The other girls plan to do it monday wednesday and fridays, so i’ll just keep going to the other gym that i’ve already paid for and am accustomed to (also has a squat rack. 418 building doesn’t bleh) on my own and join them again next time our coach offers to teach us some other exercises. 

i need to lose weight AND fat. the others just need to gain muscle and burn some fat to get leaner and stronger. so i gotta put more effort on my part. my biggest problem is diet. i eat a lot of carbs...bread and rice...cause it’s what i can get on the go more easily. and i probably underestimate my calories terribly because i haven’t lost even a hundred grams in ages. 

so i’m thinking maybe i should still go to the gym for my upper body workout today before practice in the evening. Since i didn’t go to my gym yesterday, i feel annoyed if i don’t go today too just because i’m already going to be exercising for practice in the evening (freezing cold zero degrees, no less ugh) because i’m paying for it. 

ok, yeah. i’ve decided. i’m just gonna go workout. it won’t kill me and i can just go straight to practice so my body will already be pretty warm up.