#𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓 𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐍𝐀𝐌: // the touch of his hands were as cold as his eyes. [ bobby & maeve ]

[lookedinfinite]

𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // tag dump: relationships

𝗥𝗘𝐈𝐈𝐆𝗡𝐎𝗡𝐌𝐄: // between the different shades of you.  [ Luke & Maeve ]

𝗥𝗘𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐈𝗕𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝗡𝐒: // a dangerous hope.  [ Hotch & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝗥𝐈𝐔𝐒𝗩𝐎𝐈𝐓: // change your taste in men.  [ Elias & Maeve ]

𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒: // but trauma is immortal and none of this is your fault.  [ Jami & Maeve ]

𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒: // but I keep coming back this must be serious.  [ Kiwi & Maeve ]

𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒: //  been in pain but not a quitter.  [ Savannah & Maeve ]

𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒: // the only thing sure from the start.  [ Jill & Maeve ]

𝗗𝗔𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗜𝗜𝗦𝗠: // remember the fire remember her face.  [ Carol & Maeve ]

𝗕𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗦𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗢𝗙𝗔𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡: // all those wonders sit in wait.  [ Kurt & Maeve ]

𝐂𝐇𝐋𝗢𝗘𝗩𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑: // wake me up before I’m gone.  [ Chloe & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐆𝐀𝗭𝐄𝐑𝐒: // at my own funeral I don’t recognize myself anymore.  [ Xandra & Maeve ]

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓: // many moons of waiting on a steady sun.  [ Clara & Maeve ]

𝐘𝐎𝐀𝐊𝐊𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐄: // separation’s all that can save us love.  [ Spencer & Maeve ]

𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐈𝐒𝐌: // I need you to tell me I’m worthy.  [ Ray & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃𝐏𝐀𝗦𝗧: // it's not the life you thought you'd live.  [ Peter & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐀𝗧𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐒: // if you’re lonely can’t you speak love.  [ Felix & Maeve ]

𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓 𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐍𝐀𝐌: // the touch of his hands were as cold as his eyes.  [ Bobby & Maeve ]

𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒: // it's like I heard your heartbeat call.  [ Bethany Elliott ]

𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒: // give my soul just to see your face.  [ Oliver Elliott ]

𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐈𝗗: // I'm a long way from home now.  [ Spencer & Maeve ]

[doctordonovan]

❀    ||      people say I was naive. I wasn't naive. I was a baby. [ insp. ]

[phdiism]

𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // tag dump: relationships

[doctordonovan]

shit posting; watching the 1960 pollyanna movie and I don't know what to focus on more. the fact that this was absolutely a film maeve loved when she was tiny - and one of the few age appropriate films she really got to watch - or the fact that the line 'there's no medical term for it. you can give everything but love. it's as simple as that.' is something bobby would absolutely say to maeve in an argument.

[doctordonovan]

does maeve ever feel glad that bobby's dead? or safer?

❀    ||      maeve && bobby's death

guilt is a difficult thing  -  and no matter how clever you are,  no matter how clear the facts are,  it's sometimes entirely overwhelming.   so part one of answering this is how does maeve feel about bobby's death?  the answer is relatively simple.  as awful as he was to her,  as much as he held so much blame in her suffering...  maeve sees his death as her fault.  diane went after him to prove a point to maeve:   she wanted someone she thought maeve had loved.   she killed him because she realised it was spencer who truly had maeve's heart,  that what she'd felt for bobby was never anything that could compete with it.

diane killed bobby because of his link to maeve,  and maeve can't forgive herself for that.

the guilt that comes from his murder makes her view of things...  messier.  she knows their relationship was bad  -   she knows,   logically,  that he was a controlling bastard  &&   emotionally abusive.  she knows it's not normal to hire a PI to hunt down an ex when they're hiding from a violent stalker for their own safety.

she knows a lot of things,   but the guilt is so big,  and so heavy,  that she can't feel relief or glad.  she never wanted him dead,  she just wanted him to leave her alone  &&   to let her breathe.  and whilst he was terrible enough she truly did think he was her main stalker  ( though he was still responsible for A FEW of the things that happened - he was a secondary stalker after all ) she can't get past the fact that it feels like he lost his life for her.

and,  unlike when diane was going to kill spencer...  she couldn't take the bullet for him,  she couldn't think of a way to fix things,  she couldn't find the same love borne logic that saved spencer's life and put her in her coma.

[doctordonovan]

Don't chase the rabbit

Send me "Don't chase the rabbit" and your muse will be shown a random memory from my muse's past: bobby's proposal

had she known the plan for night,   she never would have come.  it's a stray thought that comes as dread tangles  &&   twists in stomach  -  like ivy somehow finding its way through slender body  -  travelling around muscles and bones alike until it can wrap around and around lungs.  it's bobby's favourite bar:  dark,  unusually buzzing with life from the moment black heels clicked on tiled flooring.    (   black tiles with tiny silver specks,  the light catching off them as bobby's iron grip on tender hand tugs her further into space,  his grin directed at everyone in space but her.  )

the urge to run a mile comes as music comes to abrupt stop,  as room draws to a still.   it is only when bobby sinks to one knee that full realisation comes about what night is meant to be.

yet there are too many eyes upon them both,  no sound but bobby's voice.  I know you said not yet,   they're so very young still,  and books never warned her that love would feel like suffocating or being torn apart.  but sometimes you just know,   don't you think?    sound of heartbeat threatens to drum even harder,  until ribs shatter  &&   everyone hears the shattering brunette cannot control.  

her own engagement party doesn't have any of her own friends,  only bobby's,  and she can't gather needed energy to be surprised.

but there are so many eyes on her,  so what answer can she give but  -    ❝ yes. ❞   there is nobody there to call out how it sounds nothing like scientist,  how the wrong emotions choke her and have it faltering in throat.  there's nobody to make her explain why tight metal ring feels more like trophy hunting than a proclamation of devotion.

if soon enough they're all too busy celebrating to notice her slipping out from backdoor,  if the music is too loud for anyone to hear how she has to gasp for air,   well.  nobody but maeve needs to know how soon she left a party she wasn't truly needed at.

[doctordonovan]

❀    ||      maeve   &&   jewellery 

 whilst maeve doesn’t really do jewellery   (   shiny things just aren’t her priority   ),   she does treasure what she’s given if it has sentimental value.   when maeve first left for university   -   a nervous fourteen year old genius with no idea who she was   -   her father gifted her a necklace that had been his mother’s.    this necklace remains one of maeve’s absolute favourites for the occasions she feels it’s the right situation for it   -   at the very least giving her something to fidget with.

 she also tends to wear simpler earrings:   studs,   most of the time,   tiny pearl earrings a favourite.   maeve tends to like anything that isn’t immediately obvious and in general actually likes man made alternatives that don’t exploit or destroy the planet.  

 the engagement ring bobby got her was both the wrong size and incredibly...  not her.  it was too big,  the kind of thing meant to get people’s attentions the first moment they spotted her hand.  at work,  she’d often take it off, pop it in a pocket until she saw him again,  or wear it on a chain under her shirt.  

sentimentality of gifts are everything to her,  things given for show are just  -  things that make her uncomfortable.  as a top level geneticist,  she earns enough that if she wanted that sort of thing,  she’d just get it herself.    (   thought is everything when gifting to her,  it truly is.   )

[doctordonovan]

❀    ||      the magnus archives      ||    insp.

[doctordonovan]

what's your role in the tragic play?

❀    ||      pre bobby:   tortured love interest

 you're so hot.    sorry about the horrors.    you're the kind of person people immediately notice.    whether you have a distinct style,    are more outgoing,    or are just plain beautiful,    you make an impression.    people usually feel the need to protect you,    which probably frustrates you to no end.    you're not weak!   you're not fragile!    you're not helpless! but the people in your life tend to disagree.    maybe it's your lover,   the protagonist,    trying to keep you out of their own turmoil.    maybe it's someone responsible for you in some way,    keeping you away from your lover,    while they head down an increasingly dark path.    regardless,    all you really want is a sense of autonomy!    unfortunately,    you're very likely to die before that happens.    the audience will be so caught up in the grief your death causes the protagonist that they forget to grieve you as a person.    you deserved better,    but unfortunately this is not your story.    maybe it should have been.

❀    ||      main verse:   desperate narrator

 this story is a cycle,    and you're spinning around it like a hamster in a ball being tormented by a cat.    you know how this story ends.    after all,    you've told it a thousand times.    but you try to change it every time.   you love the people in this story more than anything.   so watching them fall victim to the narrative breaks you in a way you can't begin to describe.    but all you can do is tell the story  ──   their story  ──   with tears in your eyes.    you're prone to anxiety and feelings of helplessness.    you have so much love in your heart,   and for once you wish it would change something.    it didn't.    it doesn't.    it won't.    but you refuse to stop telling the story.    and you refuse to stop loving the people in it.    in this way,    no one is stronger than you.    you just wish being strong hurt less.

[doctordonovan]

❀    ||      maeve   &&   her relationship with love

maeve has a complicated relationship with love  -  not just the romantic kind.  as a personality type,  she does crave it:  her life has been for the most part a very lonely one   (   often as a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts    )    &&   in canon   ‘ ghost ’   her does joke about her guilty pleasure being cheesy rom com films.    she has no need to be anyone’s first choice,   but maeve would deeply wish to be someone’s last choice   -   the person that they’re actually happy to just…  stop with. 

 I’ve said in previous headcanons that maeve’s main issue is seeing herself as temporary in people’s lives,    after all,    her entire childhood wasn’t people leaving her but rather her being sent away.  she views her time in any team / family / friendship as a temporary one where she will automatically go to leave when her ‘usefulness’ has been fulfilled.  

 as discussed here,  her relationship with her ex-fiance bobby was:  emotionally abusive at the bare minimum,  controlling on his behalf   &&   described by her parents as ‘her first serious relationship’.   she’d been in love before,  someday I’ll write something up about those failed relationships,   but they never worked.  even with bobby she tried for long enough to get engaged but it was never a healthy love.     bobby  -  in the words of bly manor  -  mistook possession for love.

 after this  &&  after her coma,  maeve still is desperate for love and connection.   how could she not be?   her life feels like endless running.  her efforts to heal meant once again she removed herself from the few people left in her life    (  her mother and reid,  since her father dies when she’s in her coma  )  and didn’t even contact most of the old friends she’d lost touch with when diane came into her life to tell them she isn’t dead.  she literally doesn’t contact people to say   ‘ I’m out of the coma! ’   because she doesn’t think it would matter that much.

 when love comes into her life again,   she’s gentle with it,   she would die for friends   &&   lovers alike but unlike with reid is unlikely to voice it first because deep down maeve always assumes that soon she’ll be on her way again.

[doctordonovan]

❀    ||      tag drop:   relationships