#ššš : š®š¢š¬š¦ šµš©š¦ š¤š¢š§š§š¦šŖšÆš¦ š£š¦ šŗš°š¶š³ šøš¦š¢š±š°šÆš³šŗ. ā v. modern .ā
theĀ objectivelyĀ mostĀ importantĀ pieceĀ ofĀ modernverseĀ loreĀ isĀ renĀ havingĀ aĀ "pet"Ā succulentĀ plantĀ calledĀ huhĀ āĀ becauseĀ someoneĀ askedĀ himĀ whatĀ heĀ wasĀ goingĀ toĀ nameĀ itĀ andĀ heĀ repliedĀ "huh"Ā (Ā inĀ confusionĀ )Ā andĀ itĀ endedĀ upĀ sticking.
itĀ mayĀ actuallyĀ beĀ aĀ fakeĀ plant.Ā heĀ isn'tĀ sure;Ā heĀ doesn'tĀ knowĀ enoughĀ aboutĀ succulentsĀ toĀ check.Ā heĀ justĀ watersĀ itĀ occasionallyĀ andĀ hopesĀ forĀ theĀ best.
21 notes
Ā·
View notes
renĀ learnedĀ howĀ toĀ pickĀ locksĀ inĀ modernverseĀ byĀ watchingĀ youtubeĀ videosĀ āĀ andĀ inĀ generalĀ heĀ isĀ veryĀ muchĀ theĀ typeĀ ofĀ personĀ toĀ fallĀ downĀ aĀ rabbitĀ holeĀ ofĀ nicheĀ tutorialsĀ andĀ comeĀ outĀ theĀ otherĀ sideĀ withĀ aĀ strangeĀ newĀ hobby.
15 notes
Ā·
View notes
it'sĀ impressiveĀ howĀ manyĀ questionsĀ tellingĀ aĀ beeĀ farmerĀ heĀ wouldĀ likeĀ toĀ purchaseĀ theirĀ most AGGRESSIVEĀ andĀ STINGINGĀ PRONEĀ hiveĀ inspires.Ā aĀ simpleĀ yesĀ orĀ noĀ wouldĀ suffice.
13 notes
Ā·
View notes
renĀ inĀ modernverseĀ isĀ soĀ funny,Ā becauseĀ heĀ hasĀ allĀ ofĀ canonĀ ren'sĀ snarkĀ andĀ weirdĀ humorĀ butĀ comparativelyĀ littleĀ traumaĀ (Ā emphasisĀ onĀ comparativelyĀ )Ā soĀ he'sĀ freeĀ toĀ beĀ hisĀ mostĀ ANNOYINGĀ selfĀ withoutĀ anyĀ existentialĀ dreadĀ holdingĀ himĀ back.
28 notes
Ā·
View notes
@ninebow &&. said... " hi ren. " there is someone perching on his windowsill. it is 2am.
it'sĀ twoĀ inĀ theĀ morning,Ā andĀ renĀ isĀ inĀ hisĀ usualĀ placeĀ āĀ notĀ curledĀ upĀ inĀ bedĀ likeĀ anĀ ordinaryĀ personĀ withĀ aĀ properĀ sleepĀ scheduleĀ SHOULDĀ BE,Ā butĀ hunchedĀ overĀ atĀ hisĀ desk.Ā he'sĀ aĀ tangleĀ ofĀ limbs;Ā kneesĀ areĀ pulledĀ closeĀ toĀ hisĀ chestĀ (Ā allowingĀ himĀ toĀ fitĀ hisĀ entireĀ bodyĀ inĀ hisĀ gamingĀ chairĀ )Ā andĀ thereĀ isĀ aĀ blanketĀ strewnĀ overtopĀ hisĀ headĀ andĀ shoulders,Ā reducingĀ hisĀ silhouetteĀ toĀ anĀ indistinctĀ bundle.Ā theĀ glowĀ ofĀ hisĀ monitorsĀ castsĀ hisĀ featuresĀ inĀ aĀ harsh,Ā artificialĀ lightĀ thatĀ onlyĀ reallyĀ servesĀ toĀ highlightĀ theĀ bruise-likeĀ marksĀ beneathĀ hisĀ eyesĀ andĀ sorryĀ stateĀ ofĀ hisĀ hair.Ā well,Ā whatever.Ā theĀ streamĀ endedĀ hoursĀ ago;Ā he'sĀ no longer under any sort ofĀ obligationĀ toĀ lookĀ PRESENTABLE.Ā kazuhaĀ isĀ inĀ allĀ likelihoodĀ asleep,Ā andĀ itĀ isn'tĀ asĀ thoughĀ anyoneĀ elseĀ isĀ goingĀ toĀ seeĀ himĀ likeĀ this.
yetĀ thereĀ areĀ timesĀ whenĀ theĀ universeĀ seeminglyĀ endeavorsĀ toĀ actĀ inĀ waysĀ thatĀ wouldĀ serveĀ toĀ SPITEĀ HIM.Ā occasionally,Ā renĀ hasĀ bemoanedĀ someĀ hypotheticalĀ pastĀ lifeĀ fromĀ whichĀ heĀ isĀ stillĀ payingĀ offĀ theĀ debtsĀ accruedĀ āĀ becomingĀ fate'sĀ destinedĀ PUNCHINGĀ BAGĀ asĀ atonementĀ forĀ hisĀ sins.Ā alwaysĀ jokingly,Ā alwaysĀ withoutĀ theĀ slightestĀ modicumĀ ofĀ seriousness,Ā butĀ thereĀ areĀ occasionsĀ whenĀ heĀ can'tĀ helpĀ butĀ wonderĀ ifĀ thereĀ mightĀ beĀ someĀ truthĀ toĀ it.Ā caseĀ andĀ pointĀ āĀ he'sĀ raisingĀ aĀ mugĀ ofĀ (Ā mercifullyĀ )Ā still-hotĀ teaĀ toĀ hisĀ lipsĀ whenĀ aĀ voiceĀ chirpsĀ suddenlyĀ itsĀ greeting.Ā fromĀ theĀ windowsill. in the middle of the night.
... he'sĀ aĀ bitĀ MORTIFIEDĀ byĀ howĀ loudĀ heĀ promptlyĀ screamsĀ inĀ response.
āĀ JESUSĀ FUCKINGĀ CHRISTĀ āĀ !Ā ā Ā theĀ streamerĀ yelps,Ā andĀ hurlsĀ hisĀ mugĀ onĀ reflex.Ā itĀ crashesĀ violentlyĀ intoĀ theĀ wallĀ besideĀ theĀ window,Ā hotĀ teaĀ andĀ porcelainĀ splatteringĀ everyĀ whichĀ way.Ā ren'sĀ chestĀ heaves,Ā eyesĀ brightĀ andĀ wildĀ asĀ heĀ staresĀ atĀ cynoĀ āĀ andĀ itĀ takesĀ aĀ momentĀ forĀ itĀ toĀ click.Ā thatĀ thisĀ isn'tĀ someĀ unusuallyĀ chattyĀ HOMEĀ INVADER,Ā comeĀ toĀ stealĀ hisĀ succulentĀ plantĀ andĀ otherĀ assortedĀ valuables,Ā butĀ theirĀ friendlyĀ neighborhoodĀ cryptid.Ā heĀ slumpsĀ backĀ inĀ hisĀ seatĀ atĀ theĀ realization,Ā goneĀ soĀ limpĀ andĀ bonelessĀ hisĀ bodyĀ threatensĀ toĀ slitherĀ toĀ theĀ floor.Ā indigoĀ gazeĀ flicksĀ toĀ aĀ nearbyĀ shardĀ ofĀ brokenĀ porcelain.Ā heĀ bitesĀ backĀ anotherĀ curse;Ā thatĀ wasĀ oneĀ ofĀ hisĀ fewĀ remainingĀ cupsĀ thatĀ wasn'tĀ adornedĀ withĀ a frog-themedĀ pattern,Ā too.Ā āĀ nextĀ time ...Ā āĀ renĀ rubsĀ hisĀ faceĀ withĀ aĀ hand.Ā āĀ just useĀ theĀ frontĀ door ...Ā orĀ atĀ leastĀ haveĀ theĀ courtesyĀ toĀ sendĀ aĀ text.Ā Ā ā
aĀ pause.Ā then,Ā heĀ looksĀ up.Ā wait. Ā āĀ ...Ā thisĀ isĀ theĀ SECONDĀ FLOOR.Ā ā
18 notes
Ā·
View notes
heĀ smellsĀ likeĀ aĀ bonfireĀ āĀ notĀ inĀ theĀ ATTRACTIVEĀ way,Ā butĀ moreĀ likeĀ someoneĀ whoĀ justĀ narrowlyĀ escapedĀ aĀ nearĀ deathĀ experienceĀ withĀ anĀ arsonĀ motif.Ā theĀ scentĀ isĀ inĀ hisĀ skin,Ā hair,Ā clothesĀ āĀ andĀ heĀ thinksĀ maybeĀ heĀ shouldĀ change.Ā maybeĀ heĀ takeĀ aĀ shower.Ā (Ā heĀ spendsĀ moreĀ timeĀ thinkingĀ aboutĀ takingĀ careĀ ofĀ himselfĀ thanĀ heĀ actuallyĀ does.Ā )Ā he'sĀ stillĀ garbedĀ inĀ lastĀ night'sĀ attire,Ā theĀ shamefulĀ remnantsĀ ofĀ someĀ SHALLOWĀ EFFORTĀ toĀ grabĀ theĀ attentionĀ ofĀ someoneĀ atĀ theĀ partyĀ whoĀ wasn'tĀ evenĀ there.Ā makeup smudged around his eyes like he's been fucking crying. ( he hasn't. ) stupid.ļæ½ļæ½ stupid.Ā stupid.Ā renĀ knowsĀ thisĀ isĀ stupidĀ āĀ butĀ heĀ doesn'tĀ evenĀ haveĀ itĀ inĀ himselfĀ toĀ feelĀ terribleĀ likeĀ heĀ usuallyĀ does.Ā he'sĀ justĀ numb.Ā he'sĀ apathetic.Ā andĀ perhapsĀ that'sĀ exactlyĀ whatĀ heĀ needsĀ toĀ beĀ rightĀ now.
he's not sad. he's not happy. he's just nothing. a blank sheet of paper.
šøš®šššµš®: whenever you are awake i want to talk with you
heĀ placesĀ hisĀ phoneĀ screenĀ sideĀ downĀ onĀ theĀ bedĀ heĀ can'tĀ beĀ botheredĀ toĀ use.Ā fuck.Ā okay.Ā renĀ takesĀ aĀ moment,Ā keepingĀ himselfĀ preoccupiedĀ byĀ fumblingĀ throughĀ hisĀ bedsideĀ table.Ā cigarettesĀ andĀ aĀ lighterĀ āĀ heĀ bundlesĀ themĀ inĀ oneĀ handĀ andĀ snatchesĀ upĀ hisĀ phoneĀ withĀ theĀ other.Ā then,Ā wandersĀ overĀ toĀ hisĀ window.Ā itĀ feelsĀ aĀ bitĀ likeĀ he'sĀ watchingĀ thisĀ allĀ happenĀ fromĀ afarĀ āĀ dreaming,Ā orĀ dissociatingĀ asĀ hisĀ lifeĀ crumblesĀ toĀ piecesĀ aroundĀ him.Ā atĀ theĀ sameĀ time,Ā theĀ streamerĀ thinksĀ heĀ feelsĀ oddlyĀ PEACEFULĀ aboutĀ itĀ all.Ā aĀ manĀ walkingĀ toĀ hisĀ ownĀ executionĀ withĀ nothingĀ leftĀ toĀ lose.
šššššššš: i wasn't sleeping.
šššššššš: text or in person?
šøš®šššµš®: person, let me clean up the living room and myself and then i'm ready
heĀ tookĀ theĀ screenĀ outĀ ofĀ hisĀ windowĀ agesĀ agoĀ forĀ thisĀ exactĀ purpose,Ā scramblingĀ upĀ toĀ sitĀ precariouslyĀ onĀ theĀ sill.Ā heĀ likesĀ toĀ beĀ highĀ upĀ āĀ gazingĀ downĀ atĀ theĀ streetsĀ belowĀ asĀ thoughĀ theĀ worldĀ beyondĀ hisĀ apartmentĀ isĀ oneĀ bigĀ terrarium.Ā detached.Ā somethingĀ toĀ OBSERVE,Ā butĀ never trulyĀ immerseĀ himselfĀ in.
heĀ restsĀ hisĀ phoneĀ onĀ hisĀ lapĀ forĀ theĀ fewĀ secondsĀ itĀ takesĀ toĀ lightĀ theĀ cigarette.Ā then,Ā danglesĀ hisĀ handĀ outĀ theĀ window.Ā heĀ isn'tĀ goingĀ toĀ smokeĀ āĀ heĀ doesn'tĀ anymore.Ā butĀ theĀ SCENTĀ isĀ atĀ leastĀ somewhatĀ comforting.Ā (Ā evenĀ ifĀ heĀ doesn'tĀ wantĀ itĀ inĀ hisĀ room.Ā )
šššššššš: fine.
15 notes
Ā·
View notes
he named his baseball bat CONVERSATION STARTER ā and he's going to have a nice, long chat with the fool who swindled poor niwa out of a small fortune ...
9 notes
Ā·
View notes
... whose bright idea was it to show niwa how to DAB?
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
@monogatcri &&. said... Holds garlic bread above him juuuuuust out of reach (it pays to be taller).
heĀ standsĀ there,Ā staringĀ upĀ atĀ hisĀ (Ā belovedĀ )Ā garlicĀ breadĀ withĀ aĀ stonyĀ expression.Ā howĀ droll.Ā doesĀ heĀ expectĀ himĀ toĀ JUMPĀ forĀ itĀ likeĀ someĀ meticulouslyĀ trainedĀ circusĀ animal?Ā itĀ hardlyĀ mattersĀ howĀ sharplyĀ hungerĀ digsĀ atĀ hisĀ stomach;Ā renĀ atĀ leastĀ hasĀ enoughĀ selfĀ respectĀ notĀ toĀ resortĀ toĀ suchĀ inefficientĀ means.Ā it'sĀ aĀ simpleĀ equation,Ā really;Ā lowĀ reward,Ā highĀ embarrassment.Ā heĀ exhalesĀ aĀ littleĀ huffĀ andĀ spinsĀ onĀ hisĀ heel.
oneĀ step.Ā twoĀ steps.Ā threeĀ stepsĀ away.Ā the streamerĀ keepsĀ walkingĀ untilĀ he'sĀ putĀ anĀ acceptableĀ amountĀ ofĀ distanceĀ betweenĀ themĀ āĀ roughlyĀ halfĀ ofĀ theĀ room,Ā perhaps.Ā enoughĀ soĀ thatĀ oneĀ mightĀ beĀ FORGIVENĀ forĀ misreadingĀ hisĀ intentions.Ā itĀ looksĀ likeĀ aĀ retreat ...Ā it'sĀ nothingĀ ofĀ theĀ sort.
TURNS AROUND AND CHARGES AT HIM.
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
MURDER IS OKAY especially when it's committed in response to being hit in the face with a water balloon.
8 notes
Ā·
View notes
@roleplay-abiogenesis2 &&. said... "Merry Christmas, Ren." Cyno holds up his present, it's flat, lightweight. "I know guys like you don't keep up with nutrition well, so I hope you'll find thud useful. Also I just thought the title was funny."
Under the wrapped gift paper is... no way! It's that popular cooking simulator all the gaming websites rage about these days for its steep difficulty level!
A physical copy of "Git Food"!
āĀ ...Ā guysĀ likeĀ me?Ā āĀ theĀ streamerĀ echoes,Ā wrinklingĀ hisĀ noseĀ likeĀ aĀ particularlyĀ disgruntledĀ feline.Ā āĀ iĀ knowĀ howĀ toĀ cook.Ā ā Ā quiteĀ well,Ā ifĀ heĀ doesĀ sayĀ soĀ himselfĀ āĀ thoughĀ largelyĀ outĀ ofĀ NECESSITY.Ā hisĀ childhoodĀ didĀ notĀ leaveĀ himĀ withĀ aĀ wealthĀ ofĀ options;Ā eitherĀ heĀ subsidedĀ onĀ premadeĀ foodĀ orĀ heĀ learnedĀ howĀ toĀ prepareĀ aĀ half-decentĀ mealĀ forĀ himself.Ā granted,Ā heĀ alsoĀ ingestsĀ enoughĀ caffeineĀ toĀ makeĀ theĀ averageĀ (Ā notĀ dottoreĀ )Ā medicalĀ professionalĀ feelĀ aĀ bitĀ queasy.Ā though inĀ ren'sĀ defense,Ā it'sĀ difficultĀ toĀ beĀ ENTERTAININGĀ whenĀ oneĀ isĀ runningĀ onĀ theĀ smallestĀ dregsĀ ofĀ sleepĀ imaginableĀ āĀ andĀ hisĀ entireĀ livelihoodĀ isĀ basedĀ onĀ theĀ enjoymentĀ ofĀ hisĀ audience.Ā aĀ littleĀ extraĀ coffeeĀ andĀ aĀ fewĀ additionalĀ headachesĀ neverĀ killedĀ anyone.Ā probably.Ā well,Ā heĀ wouldĀ certainlyĀ haveĀ itĀ comingĀ ifĀ itĀ did.
aĀ browĀ thenĀ archesĀ atĀ theĀ gift.Ā renĀ reachesĀ out,Ā turningĀ theĀ presentĀ overĀ inĀ hisĀ handsĀ withĀ aĀ curiousĀ humĀ āĀ theĀ sizeĀ andĀ shapeĀ leaveĀ littleĀ toĀ theĀ imagination,Ā thoughĀ it'sĀ whatĀ gameĀ actuallyĀ restsĀ insideĀ thatĀ hasĀ hisĀ curiosityĀ piqued.Ā cynoĀ certainlyĀ doesn'tĀ disappoint.Ā he'sĀ heardĀ ofĀ thisĀ oneĀ beforeĀ āĀ andĀ exhalesĀ aĀ bemusedĀ littleĀ laughĀ atĀ theĀ sight.Ā āĀ iĀ wasĀ thinkingĀ aboutĀ playingĀ thisĀ one for a while now.Ā āĀ heĀ admits,Ā flippingĀ itĀ overĀ toĀ readĀ theĀ textĀ onĀ theĀ backĀ ofĀ theĀ case.Ā āĀ ...Ā iĀ haveĀ aĀ chatĀ fullĀ ofĀ sadists.Ā ā Ā theyĀ loveĀ toĀ seeĀ himĀ SUFFERĀ āĀ andĀ fromĀ whatĀ he'sĀ beenĀ told,Ā thisĀ gameĀ willĀ surelyĀ doĀ theĀ trick.
āĀ guessĀ thatĀ meansĀ i'llĀ haveĀ toĀ dedicateĀ theĀ streamĀ toĀ you?Ā āĀ creditĀ forĀ hisĀ misery. it seems like a suitable reward.
3 notes
Ā·
View notes
āĀ ...Ā youĀ wouldn'tĀ knowĀ it's suchĀ anĀ ISSUE from the outside looking in,Ā butĀ people actuallyĀ getĀ topographicĀ andĀ topologicalĀ confusedĀ moreĀ oftenĀ thanĀ youĀ think.Ā ā
ā i see. Ā ā
āĀ youĀ getĀ it!Ā you'reĀ soooĀ smart,Ā renĀ āĀ ofĀ courseĀ youĀ do!Ā butĀ thisĀ governmentĀ ladyĀ whoĀ hiredĀ usĀ hadĀ noĀ ideaĀ whatĀ sheĀ wasĀ talkingĀ about.Ā thereĀ wasĀ thisĀ oneĀ time ...Ā ā
theĀ streamerĀ drownsĀ outĀ theĀ restĀ ofĀ hisĀ wordsĀ untilĀ theyĀ becomeĀ littleĀ moreĀ thanĀ anĀ indistinctĀ blur.Ā (Ā whiteĀ noise,Ā hummingĀ alongĀ inĀ theĀ background.Ā )Ā heĀ tracesĀ theĀ edgeĀ ofĀ hisĀ glassĀ withĀ oneĀ paintedĀ nail.Ā theĀ drinkĀ insideĀ isĀ aĀ darkĀ shadeĀ ofĀ redĀ likeĀ pooledĀ bloodĀ āĀ itĀ tastesĀ likeĀ SOURĀ CHERRIESĀ andĀ makesĀ hisĀ mouthĀ goĀ aĀ bitĀ numb.Ā notĀ bad,Ā butĀ notĀ nearlyĀ enoughĀ toĀ giveĀ himĀ theĀ buzzĀ he'sĀ lookingĀ for,Ā evenĀ afterĀ twoĀ ofĀ them.Ā it'sĀ beenĀ agesĀ sinceĀ renĀ lastĀ wentĀ toĀ THE ABYSS;Ā longĀ enoughĀ thatĀ theĀ cocktail menuĀ isĀ entirelyĀ different.Ā heĀ wishesĀ heĀ couldĀ rememberĀ whatĀ hisĀ usualĀ orderĀ wasĀ called,Ā butĀ he'sĀ fairlyĀ certainĀ theĀ nameĀ hasĀ beenĀ changedĀ toĀ somethingĀ unrecognizablyĀ pretentious ... assuming it hasn't been scrapped entirely.
renĀ raisesĀ theĀ glassĀ toĀ hisĀ lipsĀ andĀ takesĀ aĀ shallowĀ sip.Ā thisĀ wasĀ aĀ badĀ idea;Ā heĀ wantsĀ toĀ goĀ HOME.
it'sĀ aĀ bitĀ funnyĀ howĀ difficultĀ thatĀ wordĀ isĀ toĀ defineĀ theseĀ days.Ā isĀ homeĀ niwa'sĀ houseĀ āĀ andĀ theĀ guestĀ roomĀ he'sĀ soĀ selfishlyĀ setĀ hisĀ rootsĀ in?Ā isĀ homeĀ theĀ apartment,Ā hollowĀ andĀ lonelyĀ likeĀ theĀ tombĀ heĀ spentĀ hisĀ childhoodĀ languishingĀ about?Ā ifĀ homeĀ isĀ someĀ fantasticalĀ thingĀ thatĀ couldĀ beĀ foundĀ withinĀ ANOTHERĀ PERSON,Ā heĀ thinksĀ he'sĀ probablyĀ beenĀ evicted.Ā itĀ wasĀ onlyĀ aĀ matterĀ ofĀ timeĀ āĀ andĀ thatĀ houseĀ turnedĀ outĀ toĀ beĀ aĀ greatĀ dealĀ colderĀ thanĀ itsĀ invitingĀ exteriorĀ madeĀ itĀ outĀ toĀ be.Ā theĀ ceilingĀ leakedĀ whenĀ itĀ rainedĀ andĀ theĀ hotĀ waterĀ ranĀ outĀ tooĀ quickly,Ā butĀ it'sĀ hardĀ toĀ sayĀ whetherĀ it'sĀ worseĀ thanĀ beingĀ stuckĀ outĀ onĀ theĀ streets.Ā (Ā aloneĀ andĀ shivering.Ā )Ā perhapsĀ heĀ wasĀ simplyĀ soĀ enamoredĀ withĀ theĀ ideaĀ ofĀ havingĀ aĀ roofĀ overĀ hisĀ headĀ thatĀ heĀ wasĀ willingĀ toĀ takeĀ ANYTHING.Ā heĀ isn'tĀ sure.Ā heĀ isn'tĀ goingĀ toĀ tryĀ toĀ pretendĀ he'sĀ beenĀ closeĀ toĀ perfectĀ āĀ butĀ heĀ doesn'tĀ thinkĀ theĀ lion'sĀ shareĀ ofĀ theĀ blameĀ restsĀ onĀ hisĀ shoulders ...Ā forĀ once.
it'sĀ aroundĀ thatĀ timeĀ theĀ streamerĀ realizesĀ theĀ backgroundĀ chatterĀ hasĀ comeĀ toĀ anĀ abruptĀ stop.Ā cartographerĀ guyĀ (Ā becauseĀ heĀ stillĀ REFUSESĀ toĀ learnĀ hisĀ nameĀ )Ā isĀ lookingĀ atĀ himĀ expectantly,Ā andĀ renĀ slowly lowersĀ hisĀ glassĀ inĀ response.Ā āĀ um.Ā what?Ā ā
āĀ oh!Ā i'mĀ sorry,Ā didĀ youĀ notĀ hearĀ me?Ā āĀ ugh.Ā whyĀ isĀ heĀ soĀ fuckingĀ nice.Ā it'sĀ nauseating. Ā āĀ soĀ far,Ā i'veĀ beenĀ the one doingĀ allĀ theĀ chatting ...Ā butĀ iĀ invitedĀ youĀ outĀ toĀ catchĀ up!Ā ā Ā heĀ flashesĀ anĀ awkwardĀ littleĀ smileĀ thatĀ the streamerĀ doesĀ notĀ reciprocate.Ā āĀ howĀ haveĀ youĀ been?Ā ā
... oh.Ā perfect.Ā talkingĀ aboutĀ himself.Ā asĀ ifĀ thisĀ entireĀ conversationĀ wasn'tĀ miserableĀ enoughĀ already. Ā āĀ great.Ā āĀ heĀ repliesĀ tersely.Ā āĀ justĀ great. doing fine.Ā Ā ā
āĀ yikes ...Ā thatĀ badly,Ā huh?Ā āĀ theĀ glareĀ renĀ shootsĀ hisĀ wayĀ hasĀ himĀ holdingĀ upĀ bothĀ handsĀ inĀ faux-surrender.Ā āĀ sorry,Ā sorry!Ā geez,Ā ifĀ looksĀ couldĀ kill ...Ā ā Ā wordsĀ trailĀ offĀ withĀ aĀ faintĀ laugh. Ā āĀ um ...Ā listen,Ā iĀ knowĀ weĀ barelyĀ knowĀ eachĀ other,Ā butĀ evenĀ iĀ couldĀ tellĀ thereĀ wasĀ somethingĀ STRANGEĀ aboutĀ howĀ quicklyĀ youĀ agreedĀ toĀ this.Ā don'tĀ getĀ meĀ wrongĀ āĀ i'mĀ thrilledĀ toĀ beĀ here!Ā āĀ theĀ streamerĀ archesĀ aĀ skepticalĀ brow.Ā āĀ really.Ā andĀ i'm alsoĀ sorryĀ ifĀ i'mĀ crossingĀ aĀ lineĀ byĀ sayingĀ this,Ā butĀ āĀ !Ā ā
ā you are. Ā ā
āĀ but!Ā āĀ heĀ raisesĀ aĀ finger.Ā āĀ itĀ seemsĀ toĀ meĀ likeĀ maybeĀ you'reĀ justĀ lookingĀ forĀ aĀ DISTRACTION.Ā ā Ā andĀ somethingĀ aboutĀ theĀ lookĀ onĀ ren'sĀ (Ā traitorouslyĀ expressiveĀ )Ā faceĀ mustĀ CONFIRMĀ thatĀ theory,Ā becauseĀ itĀ givesĀ theĀ cartographerĀ theĀ confidenceĀ toĀ continue.Ā āĀ ifĀ somethingĀ isĀ botheringĀ you,Ā i'mĀ willingĀ toĀ shutĀ upĀ andĀ listen.Ā i'veĀ heardĀ itĀ canĀ beĀ prettyĀ catharticĀ āĀ youĀ know,Ā venting?Ā Ā ā
venting.Ā theĀ streamer'sĀ gazeĀ flicksĀ downĀ toĀ hisĀ drink.Ā heĀ tiltsĀ itĀ toĀ andĀ fro,Ā watchingĀ theĀ singleĀ cherryĀ swimmingĀ aroundĀ itsĀ crimsonĀ contentsĀ swayĀ fromĀ theĀ movement. Ā āĀ youĀ reallyĀ don'tĀ wantĀ to.Ā āĀ heĀ saysĀ flatly.Ā āĀ i'mĀ a little aboveĀ yourĀ payĀ grade.Ā ā
āĀ aw,Ā c'mon!Ā iĀ mightĀ surpriseĀ you!Ā āĀ aĀ disbelievingĀ sigh.Ā āĀ okay,Ā well.Ā howĀ oftenĀ doĀ weĀ actuallyĀ meetĀ faceĀ toĀ faceĀ likeĀ this?Ā orĀ talkĀ āĀ atĀ all?Ā ā Ā thatĀ muchĀ isĀ atĀ leastĀ enoughĀ toĀ haveĀ renĀ lookĀ backĀ upĀ again.Ā āĀ see?Ā thisĀ isĀ basicallyĀ asĀ closeĀ asĀ completelyĀ anonymousĀ asĀ you'reĀ goingĀ toĀ get.Ā noooĀ stringsĀ attached.Ā ā Ā heĀ wigglesĀ hisĀ fingersĀ asĀ ifĀ toĀ EMPHASIZEĀ theĀ absenceĀ ofĀ theseĀ imaginaryĀ strings. ā i can't promise i'll be able to dispense some sagely advice in return, but it has to be better than keeping everything BOTTLED UP inside! right? ... no pun intended. Ā āĀ
heĀ swallowsĀ backĀ theĀ compulsionĀ toĀ askĀ whatĀ theĀ aforementionedĀ punĀ actuallyĀ is.Ā āĀ ifĀ youĀ tellĀ anyone,Ā i'llĀ killĀ you.Ā ā
ā sure! Ā ā ... disgustingly chipper.
āĀ ...Ā āĀ renĀ staresĀ intoĀ hisĀ drinkĀ forĀ aĀ moment,Ā expressionĀ wroughtĀ withĀ indecision.Ā he'sĀ reluctantĀ toĀ openĀ upĀ toĀ anyoneĀ āĀ evenĀ theĀ fewĀ heĀ findsĀ himselfĀ feelingĀ particularlyĀ CLOSEĀ with.Ā muchĀ lessĀ aĀ strangerĀ withĀ anĀ apparentĀ propensityĀ forĀ meddlingĀ inĀ mattersĀ farĀ beyondĀ whatĀ heĀ hasĀ anyĀ rightĀ to.Ā nosyĀ bastard,Ā theĀ streamerĀ thinks,Ā browĀ furrowingĀ inĀ wordlessĀ disdain.Ā atĀ theĀ sameĀ time,Ā heĀ wouldĀ haveĀ SHOTĀ DOWNĀ theĀ offerĀ longĀ agoĀ ifĀ itĀ wasn'tĀ tempting.Ā atĀ least,Ā temptingĀ enoughĀ toĀ warrantĀ seriousĀ consideration.Ā hisĀ thoughtsĀ areĀ aĀ tangledĀ messĀ andĀ hisĀ emotionsĀ uglyĀ andĀ obscureĀ enoughĀ toĀ confuseĀ evenĀ renĀ himself.Ā heĀ doesn'tĀ wantĀ toĀ subjectĀ anyoneĀ inĀ theirĀ ragtagĀ socialĀ circleĀ toĀ whatĀ poisonĀ steepsĀ inĀ theĀ depthsĀ ofĀ hisĀ consciousness.Ā frankly,Ā ifĀ the streamerĀ couldĀ exitĀ hisĀ ownĀ headĀ asĀ easilyĀ asĀ heĀ couldĀ aĀ car,Ā he knows heĀ wouldĀ doĀ soĀ inĀ anĀ INSTANT.Ā āĀ ... fine.Ā āĀ fine.Ā againstĀ hisĀ betterĀ judgement.Ā heĀ downsĀ theĀ restĀ ofĀ hisĀ drinkĀ inĀ oneĀ goĀ toĀ theĀ soundĀ ofĀ anĀ impressedĀ hum.
ā ... but buy me something STRONGER than this ā i'm going to need it. Ā ā
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
???: Hey Ren! Long time, no talk!
he'sĀ beenĀ staringĀ atĀ theĀ textĀ forĀ theĀ pastĀ tenĀ minutes,Ā eyesĀ narrowedĀ atĀ theĀ culprit.Ā whoĀ isĀ thisĀ clown?Ā theĀ streamerĀ hasn'tĀ aĀ clueĀ āĀ evidentlyĀ noĀ oneĀ IMPORTANTĀ enoughĀ toĀ saveĀ theirĀ number.Ā theĀ chipperĀ attitudeĀ gratesĀ onĀ himĀ asĀ well,Ā andĀ heĀ hasĀ halfĀ aĀ mindĀ toĀ justĀ leaveĀ themĀ onĀ read.Ā eventually,Ā curiosityĀ winsĀ outĀ overĀ commonĀ senseĀ (Ā asĀ itĀ unfortunatelyĀ hasĀ aĀ historyĀ ofĀ doingĀ )Ā andĀ hisĀ fingersĀ sluggishlyĀ moveĀ toĀ typeĀ anĀ UNENTHUSIASTICĀ response.
šššššššš: who is this??
the reply comes quickly enough to leave him with a sense of secondhand embarrassment.
???: Oh! You don't remember?
???: I guess that makes sense. It HAS been a while.
???: If I'm remembering right, you usually called me the Cartographer Guy?
???: ... you were drunk.
heĀ doesĀ aĀ lotĀ ofĀ stupidĀ shitĀ whenĀ he'sĀ drunk,Ā andĀ evidentlyĀ thisĀ foolĀ isĀ oneĀ ofĀ them.
šššššššš: doesn't ring any bells
???: We met at The Abyss? You know, the bar?
šššššššš: i'll take your word for it
???: I asked to stay the night and you kicked me out of your apartment before I was done getting dressed.
???: Your neighbor's dog chased me down the street -- it was so funny!
???: Or I'm assuming you thought so. I remember you laughing.
???: ... which is fine! In hindsight, it really was funny!
wait.Ā theĀ streamerĀ narrowsĀ hisĀ eyes.Ā heĀ doesĀ rememberĀ thisĀ idiot,Ā nowĀ thatĀ heĀ thinksĀ aboutĀ it.Ā deepĀ inĀ theĀ hazeĀ ofĀ thoseĀ yearsĀ heĀ lostĀ toĀ DESPAIRĀ āĀ somewhereĀ betweenĀ regainingĀ theĀ nerveĀ toĀ leaveĀ hisĀ apartmentĀ againĀ andĀ meeting ...Ā aĀ certainĀ person.Ā (Ā he'sĀ notĀ goingĀ toĀ thinkĀ aboutĀ him.Ā notĀ rightĀ nowĀ āĀ notĀ ever,Ā ifĀ heĀ canĀ HELPĀ it.Ā )Ā atĀ whatĀ pointĀ didĀ heĀ everĀ makeĀ theĀ mistakeĀ ofĀ givingĀ himĀ hisĀ NUMBER?Ā renĀ can'tĀ recall. he usually puts forth a deliberate effort to be quite stingy with even the barest scraps of personal information; he must have truly been out of it.
curiosity satisfied. he should just block him and be done with it ... but he's bored ( hurt, spiteful, angry ) enough to keep typing.
šššššššš: why are you texting me?
???: So you DO remember! I had a feeling!
???: I'm in the area and I wanted to know if you were interested in getting drinks. :)
noĀ isĀ hisĀ immediateĀ reactionĀ āĀ beforeĀ heĀ soonĀ findsĀ himselfĀ thinkingĀ betterĀ ofĀ it.Ā afterĀ all,Ā whatĀ doesĀ heĀ haveĀ toĀ lose?Ā (Ā beyondĀ sufferingĀ theĀ tediumĀ ofĀ socialĀ interaction.Ā )Ā ifĀ he'sĀ lucky,Ā heĀ canĀ trickĀ thisĀ foolĀ intoĀ footingĀ theĀ billĀ āĀ andĀ wouldn'tĀ thatĀ justĀ beĀ HILARIOUS?Ā maybeĀ he'sĀ spiraling.Ā maybeĀ heĀ isn'tĀ nearlyĀ asĀ okayĀ asĀ he'sĀ tryingĀ toĀ deludeĀ himselfĀ intoĀ thinkingĀ heĀ is,Ā butĀ renĀ wouldĀ knowĀ betterĀ thanĀ anyoneĀ stewingĀ inĀ hisĀ ownĀ MISERYĀ neverĀ didĀ aĀ thingĀ toĀ solveĀ hisĀ problems.Ā heĀ onlyĀ hasĀ yearsĀ ofĀ experienceĀ toĀ proveĀ it.
beforeĀ heĀ AGREES,Ā heĀ thinksĀ heĀ should probablyĀ makeĀ itĀ aĀ pointĀ toĀ setĀ boundaries.
šššššššš: i'm not looking for anything.
???: Just as friends! Got it! I'd really like to get to know you better.
???: Is that a yes?
šššššššš: tonight. sure. i'm working this afternoon.
???: Tonight! I'll see you then!
???: Maybe you'll actually learn my name this time!
he doubts it.
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
wouldĀ youĀ likeĀ meĀ toĀ writeĀ downĀ yourĀ wishĀ onĀ yourĀ lanternĀ forĀ you?
i ... don't have anything to wish for.
hisĀ footstepsĀ crunchĀ againstĀ theĀ dampĀ pebblesĀ thatĀ lineĀ theĀ shore.Ā it'sĀ lateĀ āĀ heĀ doesn'tĀ knowĀ howĀ late,Ā andĀ heĀ doesn'tĀ care.Ā (Ā insomniacĀ thatĀ heĀ is, it hardly matters.Ā )Ā hisĀ phoneĀ isĀ backĀ atĀ theĀ van,Ā tuckedĀ awayĀ somewhereĀ amongĀ theĀ chaosĀ ofĀ hisĀ andĀ kazuha'sĀ belongings.Ā itĀ mightĀ beĀ aĀ bitĀ FOOLISHĀ ofĀ him;Ā they'reĀ isolatedĀ inĀ theĀ mountains.Ā anythingĀ couldĀ happen. he could be attacked by a wild animal. he could lose track of where he is. dottore could manifest from the underbrush, wielding scalpels and syringes filled with dubiously legal chemicalsĀ āĀ butĀ in the moment, none of that really matters. the streamerĀ justĀ can'tĀ stomachĀ theĀ ideaĀ ofĀ otherĀ peopleĀ rightĀ now,Ā evenĀ overĀ theĀ comparativelyĀ impersonalĀ natureĀ ofĀ aĀ textĀ conversation. he'll take any risk just to avoid them.
atĀ leastĀ it'sĀ aĀ niceĀ night.Ā theĀ moonĀ up aboveĀ andĀ theĀ moonĀ reflectedĀ uponĀ theĀ surfaceĀ ofĀ theĀ lakeĀ bothĀ gleamĀ likeĀ polishedĀ gemstones.Ā theĀ skiesĀ areĀ clearĀ inĀ aĀ wayĀ thatĀ makesĀ hisĀ stomachĀ painfullyĀ twistĀ withĀ familiarity.Ā (Ā don'tĀ thinkĀ aboutĀ tatarasuna.Ā don'tĀ thinkĀ aboutĀ tatarasuna.Ā )Ā thereĀ isn'tĀ aĀ soundĀ inĀ theĀ worldĀ beyondĀ theĀ cricket-songĀ andĀ theĀ gentleĀ lappingĀ ofĀ theĀ water'sĀ edge.Ā onlyĀ hisĀ footsteps,Ā andĀ soft,Ā steadyĀ breathing.Ā it'sĀ aĀ kindĀ ofĀ NOTHINGNESSĀ that'sĀ soĀ veryĀ enticingĀ toĀ justĀ loseĀ himselfĀ in.Ā there'sĀ aĀ partĀ ofĀ himĀ thatĀ dearlyĀ wantsĀ to.
i ... don't have anything to wish for.
( ... but that was a LIE, wasn't it? )
he swallows, but a sudden lump in his throat refuses to go away.
there'sĀ aĀ woodenĀ dockĀ thatĀ stretchesĀ farĀ outĀ intoĀ theĀ water.Ā renĀ triesĀ toĀ pushĀ downĀ thoseĀ repulsiveĀ feelings.Ā there'sĀ somethingĀ toĀ investigate,Ā andĀ he'sĀ alwaysĀ beenĀ nosyĀ toĀ aĀ fault.Ā asĀ heĀ stepsĀ closer,Ā theĀ streamerĀ thinksĀ it'sĀ aĀ bitĀ difficultĀ toĀ makeĀ outĀ muchĀ ofĀ theĀ finerĀ detailsĀ āĀ evenĀ underĀ suchĀ aĀ bright,Ā brightĀ sky.Ā ifĀ nothingĀ else,Ā heĀ canĀ tellĀ it'sĀ certainlyĀ veryĀ old.Ā theĀ woodĀ isĀ dampĀ andĀ coatedĀ withĀ aĀ layerĀ ofĀ eitherĀ mossĀ orĀ algaeĀ (Ā perhapsĀ aĀ mixtureĀ ofĀ theĀ twoĀ )Ā āĀ enoughĀ toĀ dyeĀ itĀ aĀ faintĀ shadeĀ ofĀ green.Ā itĀ creaksĀ andĀ tremblesĀ whenĀ heĀ testsĀ hisĀ weightĀ onĀ it,Ā butĀ doesn'tĀ collapse.Ā there'sĀ aĀ voiceĀ inĀ theĀ backĀ ofĀ hisĀ headĀ thatĀ tellsĀ himĀ itĀ stillĀ probablyĀ isn'tĀ safe,Ā butĀ renĀ ignoresĀ it.Ā he doesn't care; he's feeling reckless tonight. heĀ takesĀ aĀ step.Ā thenĀ another.Ā thenĀ another.Ā overĀ andĀ overĀ untilĀ he'sĀ perchedĀ precariouslyĀ atĀ theĀ endĀ ofĀ theĀ ricketyĀ pierĀ andĀ theĀ lakeĀ stretchesĀ outĀ farĀ beforeĀ himĀ likeĀ aĀ glossy,Ā obsidianĀ mirror.Ā heĀ takesĀ aĀ momentĀ toĀ marvelĀ atĀ theĀ sight ...Ā yetĀ muchĀ likeĀ oneĀ isĀ wontĀ toĀ doĀ whenĀ facedĀ withĀ aĀ mirror,Ā hisĀ attentionĀ isĀ inevitablyĀ drawnĀ toĀ hisĀ ownĀ reflection.
largeĀ eyes.Ā smudgedĀ makeup.Ā hairĀ haphazardlyĀ combedĀ withĀ fingers.Ā moreĀ parodyĀ thanĀ person.Ā heĀ crouchesĀ down,Ā andĀ soĀ tooĀ doesĀ theĀ theĀ thingĀ inĀ theĀ lake.Ā āĀ iĀ wishĀ youĀ wereĀ neverĀ born.Ā ā Ā heĀ tellsĀ hisĀ reflectionĀ inĀ aĀ matterĀ ofĀ factĀ tone,Ā watchingĀ asĀ itĀ mouthsĀ theĀ wordsĀ rightĀ backĀ toĀ him.Ā āĀ iĀ wishĀ youĀ didn'tĀ takeĀ everythingĀ personally.Ā iĀ wishĀ youĀ knewĀ howĀ toĀ stopĀ hurtingĀ people.Ā iĀ wishĀ everyoneĀ forgotĀ youĀ everĀ existed.Ā ā Ā gradually,Ā hisĀ voiceĀ risesĀ inĀ volumeĀ āĀ louderĀ andĀ louder,Ā untilĀ he'sĀ practicallyĀ shoutingĀ atĀ himself. Ā āĀ iĀ wishĀ youĀ knewĀ howĀ toĀ haveĀ aĀ family.Ā iĀ wishĀ youĀ couldĀ justĀ stopĀ feelingĀ āĀ justĀ stopĀ feelingĀ anything,Ā youĀ crybabyĀ pieceĀ ofĀ shit.Ā iĀ wishĀ youĀ couldĀ beĀ likableĀ withoutĀ puttingĀ onĀ someĀ stupid,Ā shallowĀ actĀ forĀ validationĀ fromĀ completeĀ strangers.Ā ā Ā inĀ disgust,Ā heĀ swatsĀ atĀ theĀ copyĀ inĀ theĀ waterĀ āĀ scatteringĀ dropletsĀ likeĀ aĀ thousandĀ bitsĀ ofĀ meltedĀ glass.Ā chestĀ heaving,Ā renĀ staresĀ atĀ theĀ ripples,Ā atĀ theĀ distortedĀ faceĀ thatĀ feelsĀ nearlyĀ unrecognizable.Ā howĀ childish.Ā thisĀ trip,Ā theseĀ feelingsĀ āĀ everything,Ā everything.Ā heĀ evenĀ hadĀ theĀ audacityĀ toĀ dragĀ kazuhaĀ intoĀ thisĀ mess.
whenĀ hisĀ reflectionĀ reforms,Ā itĀ looksĀ almostĀ disappointedĀ inĀ him.Ā is that what you really want? the question sits heavy in his mind. taunting him. waiting patiently for a response.
āĀ ...Ā āĀ no.Ā heĀ exhalesĀ aĀ quietĀ breath. not completely. Ā āĀ iĀ wishĀ theyĀ wouldĀ beĀ happy.Ā ā Ā moreĀ dropsĀ hitĀ theĀ water.Ā renĀ dragsĀ a shamefulĀ handĀ overĀ hisĀ face.Ā āĀ ...Ā iĀ wishĀ niwaĀ couldĀ justĀ beĀ happy.Ā ā
heĀ sitsĀ thereĀ inĀ silence.Ā hisĀ chestĀ feelsĀ heavyĀ āĀ likeĀ hisĀ heartĀ hasĀ beenĀ replacedĀ withĀ theĀ stoneĀ fromĀ tatarasuna.Ā it'sĀ onlyĀ whenĀ hisĀ legsĀ startĀ toĀ crampĀ fromĀ crouchingĀ forĀ soĀ longĀ thatĀ renĀ grumblesĀ beneathĀ hisĀ breathĀ andĀ stands,Ā intendingĀ toĀ startĀ theĀ tediousĀ walkĀ backĀ toĀ theĀ van.
... only for the rotten wood to snap beneath him.
it allĀ happensĀ veryĀ quickly after that.Ā painĀ EXPLODESĀ inĀ theĀ backĀ ofĀ hisĀ skull,Ā harshĀ andĀ disorienting.Ā renĀ plungesĀ intoĀ theĀ waterĀ likeĀ aĀ stoneĀ āĀ andĀ itĀ feelsĀ likeĀ ICE,Ā atĀ leastĀ comparedĀ toĀ theĀ warmĀ summerĀ air. it's dark.Ā everythingĀ isĀ dark,Ā beyondĀ theĀ moonĀ andĀ starsĀ thatĀ shimmerĀ throughĀ theĀ ripplesĀ above.Ā heĀ canĀ vaguelyĀ feelĀ himselfĀ sinking.Ā heĀ canĀ vaguelyĀ makeĀ outĀ theĀ shapeĀ ofĀ hisĀ ownĀ handsĀ āĀ fingersĀ outstretched,Ā asĀ ifĀ reachingĀ forĀ aĀ lifelineĀ thatĀ willĀ neverĀ come.Ā theĀ clearĀ whiteĀ ofĀ theĀ moonĀ isĀ tintedĀ aĀ faintĀ red,Ā andĀ itĀ takesĀ himĀ aĀ momentĀ toĀ realizeĀ it'sĀ hisĀ ownĀ blood.Ā headwound.Ā theĀ severityĀ isĀ hardĀ toĀ gauge;Ā hisĀ entireĀ bodyĀ isĀ goingĀ numbĀ fromĀ theĀ coldĀ andĀ allĀ heĀ canĀ registerĀ isĀ aĀ distantĀ ache.
thisĀ isĀ bad.Ā probably.Ā theĀ bubblesĀ thatĀ escapeĀ hisĀ lipsĀ lookĀ likeĀ spheresĀ ofĀ fragileĀ glass.Ā isĀ thisĀ bad?Ā ifĀ heĀ wantedĀ toĀ DISAPPEAR,Ā thisĀ seemsĀ likeĀ oneĀ wayĀ toĀ doĀ it.Ā butĀ asĀ heĀ sinksĀ furtherĀ intoĀ theĀ freezingĀ depths,Ā renĀ can'tĀ helpĀ butĀ wonder.Ā whatĀ willĀ becomeĀ ofĀ kazuha?Ā willĀ heĀ thinkĀ heĀ abandonedĀ him?Ā willĀ heĀ goĀ searchingĀ forĀ him?Ā whatĀ ofĀ everyoneĀ else?Ā farrow,Ā taiyangĀ andĀ anheĀ āĀ theyĀ lookedĀ afterĀ himĀ forĀ soĀ manyĀ years, even when he was at his worst.Ā it'sĀ aĀ kindnessĀ heĀ stillĀ hasn'tĀ managedĀ toĀ repay.Ā theyĀ areĀ hisĀ family,Ā moreĀ thanĀ anyoneĀ heĀ happensĀ toĀ shareĀ bloodĀ with.Ā whatĀ wouldĀ theyĀ thinkĀ ifĀ heĀ vanishedĀ withoutĀ aĀ trace?
niwaĀ justĀ wokeĀ up.Ā niwaĀ justĀ cameĀ back.Ā theĀ twoĀ ofĀ themĀ areĀ allĀ that'sĀ left.Ā heĀ can't ...Ā leaveĀ himĀ ALONEĀ likeĀ this.
ren snaps out of it.
heĀ flails.Ā clumsyĀ andĀ graceless,Ā heĀ flailsĀ āĀ reachingĀ franticallyĀ forĀ thatĀ too-brightĀ moonĀ throughĀ theĀ water.Ā hisĀ lungsĀ areĀ burningĀ andĀ hisĀ limbsĀ feelĀ heavy.Ā yetĀ againstĀ allĀ oddsĀ (Ā andĀ theĀ dizzinessĀ poundingĀ inĀ hisĀ skullĀ )Ā renĀ managesĀ toĀ surface.Ā heĀ clingsĀ toĀ theĀ oldĀ dockĀ withĀ allĀ hisĀ might,Ā coughingĀ andĀ sputtering,Ā draggingĀ himselfĀ onĀ topĀ ofĀ theĀ rottenĀ wood.Ā itĀ shudders,Ā butĀ miraculouslyĀ doesn'tĀ collapseĀ anyĀ furtherĀ beneathĀ hisĀ weight.Ā alive.Ā alive.Ā alive.Ā theĀ streamer'sĀ breathsĀ comeĀ ragged,Ā andĀ forĀ aĀ moment,Ā heĀ canĀ onlyĀ layĀ there. his eyes sting.Ā bloodĀ orĀ waterĀ tricklesĀ downĀ hisĀ temple;Ā itĀ allĀ feelsĀ theĀ same.
he needs to get his shit together, he thinks.
he needs to ...
...
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
@mmriesoftvat &&. replied... "farrow is my new bio cousin."
ā farrow could probably do a handstand without turning it into an abridged version of the NUTCRACKER. Ā ā
9 notes
Ā·
View notes
kazuha hasn't heard from ren for a few hours and their apartment was sickly quite. if you would drop a pencil it might echo through the space with how quiet it was... almost as if nobody was home.Ā
kazuha himself was home all day being swallowed up with work and recording things for his little side job. but upon noticing that his boyfriend hasn't come out of his room for a while he started to get a little bit worried, so he grabbed his phone and shot a quick message to see if he was in his room.
šøš®šššµš®.Ā Ā Ā are you in your room?
ššššššššĀ Ā Ā yes
three letters.. short but direct. kazuha put on his glasses and messily tied up his hair to quickly make two cups of hot tea. in two frog mugs. as he reached ren's bedroom door he wanted to knock... but stopped for a second.. trying to listen if he was busy.. but no sound.. absolutely nothing..
he set both mugs on the ground in front of the door and he decided to take a seat himself facing the door still giving his boyfriend the space he might need.Ā
Ā Ā Ā ā Ā ren... i'm here for you if you need me.. Ā āĀ
heĀ isn'tĀ sureĀ howĀ longĀ it'sĀ beenĀ sinceĀ theĀ exchangeĀ withĀ kazuha.Ā heĀ barelyĀ remembersĀ evenĀ speakingĀ withĀ himĀ atĀ allĀ āĀ hisĀ fingersĀ simplyĀ moved,Ā tappingĀ outĀ thoseĀ threeĀ simpleĀ lettersĀ asĀ ifĀ byĀ instinctĀ alone.Ā theĀ streamer'sĀ mindĀ isĀ aĀ floodĀ ofĀ staticĀ andĀ tar,Ā pullingĀ himĀ deeper,Ā deeper,Ā deeperĀ intoĀ aĀ thickĀ poolĀ ofĀ emptiness.Ā renĀ canĀ onlyĀ stareĀ atĀ theĀ sameĀ spotĀ onĀ theĀ ceiling;Ā it'sĀ likeĀ nothingĀ hasĀ changed.Ā (Ā onlyĀ arguably,Ā it'sĀ worse.Ā nowĀ heĀ remembersĀ whatĀ it'sĀ likeĀ toĀ haveĀ soĀ muchĀ worthĀ losing.Ā )Ā it'sĀ gottenĀ awfullyĀ darkĀ inĀ hisĀ room,Ā butĀ theĀ lightsĀ fromĀ hisĀ monitorsĀ andĀ assortedĀ dĆ©corĀ castĀ itĀ inĀ aĀ medleyĀ ofĀ strangeĀ hues.Ā tooĀ bright,Ā tooĀ pigmented,Ā tooĀ artificialĀ toĀ beĀ real.Ā heĀ doesn'tĀ careĀ toĀ turnĀ themĀ off.Ā heĀ doesn'tĀ careĀ toĀ doĀ anything.Ā he'sĀ tired,Ā soĀ tiredĀ heĀ feelsĀ itĀ likeĀ anĀ ACHEĀ inĀ hisĀ bones,Ā butĀ heĀ can'tĀ sleep.
i'mĀ hereĀ forĀ youĀ ifĀ youĀ needĀ me.Ā andĀ somehow,Ā thatĀ gentleĀ voiceĀ managesĀ toĀ cutĀ throughĀ theĀ STATICĀ inĀ hisĀ head.Ā renĀ blinks,Ā headĀ sluggishlyĀ turningĀ toĀ allowĀ indigoĀ gazeĀ toĀ settleĀ onĀ theĀ doorĀ instead.Ā forĀ aĀ moment,Ā heĀ entertainsĀ theĀ thoughtĀ ofĀ stayingĀ silent;Ā speakingĀ feelsĀ likeĀ tooĀ muchĀ work.Ā (Ā soĀ tired.Ā soĀ tired.Ā soĀ tired.Ā )Ā yetĀ ultimately,Ā heĀ decidesĀ it'sĀ hisĀ ownĀ faultĀ forĀ answeringĀ hisĀ roommate'sĀ messageĀ toĀ beginĀ with.
there'sĀ theĀ creakĀ ofĀ aĀ mattress.Ā theĀ softĀ ploddingĀ ofĀ footstepsĀ acrossĀ aĀ carpeted floor.Ā then,Ā theĀ faintĀ THUMPĀ as a body settlesĀ againstĀ theĀ wall.Ā (Ā somewhereĀ nextĀ toĀ theĀ door,Ā ifĀ theĀ soundĀ servesĀ asĀ anyĀ indication.Ā )Ā renĀ pullsĀ hisĀ kneesĀ toĀ hisĀ chestĀ andĀ restsĀ hisĀ chinĀ onĀ topĀ ofĀ them.Ā thereĀ isĀ guiltĀ poolingĀ onĀ hisĀ tongueĀ likeĀ HONEYĀ āĀ thickĀ andĀ nauseating.Ā kazuhaĀ isĀ worried.Ā whyĀ elseĀ wouldĀ heĀ beĀ there?Ā yetĀ thatĀ kindheartedĀ concernĀ onlyĀ servesĀ asĀ anotherĀ tally,Ā anotherĀ sin,Ā anotherĀ scrapĀ ofĀ evidenceĀ againstĀ theĀ worthĀ ofĀ ren'sĀ existence.Ā he'sĀ causedĀ himĀ noĀ shortageĀ ofĀ dismay,Ā afterĀ all.Ā noĀ doubtĀ kazuhaĀ couldĀ doĀ betterĀ thanĀ aĀ boyfriendĀ whoĀ can'tĀ evenĀ announceĀ theirĀ relationshipĀ publiclyĀ withoutĀ riskingĀ nextĀ month'sĀ rent.Ā eyesĀ trailĀ upĀ toĀ theĀ doorknobĀ asĀ heĀ triesĀ toĀ thinkĀ ofĀ whatĀ heĀ couldĀ possiblyĀ say.Ā shouldĀ heĀ openĀ theĀ door?Ā hisĀ heartĀ seemsĀ toĀ stutterĀ andĀ skipĀ atĀ theĀ thoughtĀ āĀ likeĀ theĀ worldĀ beyondĀ thisĀ tinyĀ scrapĀ ofĀ safetyĀ andĀ stasisĀ isĀ somethingĀ toĀ beĀ treatedĀ withĀ trepidation.Ā no.Ā no,Ā heĀ doesn'tĀ thinkĀ heĀ will.
āĀ fourĀ yearsĀ ago ...Ā āĀ renĀ finallyĀ speaks.Ā hisĀ voiceĀ soundsĀ raspyĀ andĀ brittle.Ā āĀ fourĀ yearsĀ ago,Ā whenĀ theĀ village ...Ā āĀ doesĀ heĀ haveĀ toĀ sayĀ it?Ā āĀ forĀ aĀ veryĀ longĀ timeĀ afterĀ theĀ fact,Ā iĀ couldn'tĀ bringĀ myselfĀ toĀ leaveĀ theĀ apartment ...Ā andĀ onĀ theĀ rareĀ occasionsĀ iĀ did,Ā itĀ wasn'tĀ withoutĀ feelingĀ sickĀ toĀ myĀ stomach.Ā ā Ā aĀ faintĀ shudderĀ runsĀ throughĀ slenderĀ frame,Ā andĀ heĀ continues, Ā āĀ i'mĀ gettingĀ thatĀ impulseĀ again,Ā andĀ frankly ...Ā iĀ thinkĀ iĀ wouldĀ beĀ doingĀ everyoneĀ aĀ favorĀ ifĀ iĀ listenedĀ toĀ it.Ā Ā ā
7 notes
Ā·
View notes