#📋 i'd show you my halo if only i knew where i had put it

[actuallyfallen]

> Looking for fictionfolk space

> Ask the admin if their group is for actual fictionfolk or KFF

> They don’t understand

> Pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is fictionfolk and what is KFF

> They laugh and say “it’s a good community space, sir”

> Join the community

> It’s KFF

[actuallyfallen]

I know a lot of alterhumans who don’t want to associate themselves with the KFF crowd, which is understandable and fine. But sometimes, I get sad when I see people saying that they won’t let themselves do certain things JUST because KFF also do it.

I’m talking about stuff like:

“Carrd is super convenient, but it’s filled with KFF types.”

“I know it’s more of a KFF thing, but kinsonas are pretty fun.”

“I don’t request from any kin blogs, but some of them edit really cool.”

MY FRIENDS! Allow me to reveal to you a secret.

You can do whatever you want, forever.

Don’t limit yourself and how you interact with your alterhumanity be limited by what the KFF crowd does! If you think something is fun, or convenient, or you just think it’s cool, then you should do it! Just because something is a genuine and serious part of you doesn’t mean that you can’t do fun things with it! Free yourself from the shackles of cringe culture!

[actuallyfallen]

Archetropy and Personal Choice

I had heard the word "archetrope" around the alterhuman community before the OtherCon (the biggest convention for alterhumans) 2023. Although in vague terms, I had heard of it. I sort of got the vibe from the word, so I never felt the need to look into it. A vague sort of, "Identifying with an archetype, or a trope from media," vibe. What came to mind for me was tropes like the knight, the prince, the rogue. Classic roles. The stuff you'd see on tarot cards or such. The alterhuman community is known to look down on "newer" sources of identity, after all (see the long-standing hesitancy to accept fictionkin).

So, when I joined the panel being hosted by someone named Vyt (who can be found on tumblr, as @thelightfluxtastic) all about archetropy, I thought I knew what to expect.

Vyt described their archetype as "the right-hand man".

Well, Vyt mostly talked about "the paladin" as their main tropetype. But that was the sort of archetype I expected. "The right-hand man" may not be considered a "modern" archetype, but the specific phrase of "right-hand man" for it feels rather new in comparison to how I viewed archetropy before.

My mom was a pastor.

She was in charge of a very large building, which acted as a place for church services on Sundays, and as a kindergarten during the day. I remember watching my mom being up on the church's stage. I didn't learn until I was an adult that she actually had stage fright. I remember stalling whenever I went to the principal's office, because, of course I went to my mom's school for kindergarten. And going to the principal's office when your mom is the principal is certainly… a time, of sorts.

I was a good little Christian kid, though. I was a trouble child due to my undiagnosed autism making me seem "rude" to everyone around me, but I followed what my parents taught me to believe. One could hardly say I was doing so on purpose, though. I didn't even know there was any other option, after all.

Vyt went on to define archetropy as looking at an archetype or trope or such, and saying either, "I am that," "That's want I want to be," or both. Though Vyt also makes a point to say that "archetropy", as a term, was coined specifically to be both linguistically flexible and very broad in definition. It can be involuntary, voluntary, intrinsic, extrinsic, 'identify-as', 'identify-with'…

Vyt also discussed connections to kintypes for archetropal reasons. For example, being dragonkin because one identifies with how the trope of dragons are shown in media.

I can trace multiple kintypes of mine straight down to the same root. This Christian upbringing of mine. Surrounded by it. Suffocated by it.

My mom would often work late, so, as she locked herself in her office, I would be left alone in this huge building. I often stayed in the auditorium during those times. I didn't like the big, open area, so I'd often hunker down in one of the two more closed-off areas. Those two areas were surrounded by walls, but were very small and had no doors, thus, considered a part of the auditorium. One was decorated in green and black. It had beanbags, a step to sit on, and a chalkboard that covered the entirety of one of the walls. The other was pink. It had two chairs and a whiteboard. Covered with sparkly materials, it was hard to leave without some of it sticking to you.

I hated the pink room. Specifically, I hated the texture of everything. Almost everything had this god-awful fuzzy texture that was almost feather-like. The chairs, the rug, the walls. Even the pens there had a grip made of this texture. I couldn't stand it.

But every time the church children my age were there, the boys would go to the green area, and the girls to the pink. The teachers and other officials would call them "the girl room" and "the boy room". The boys and girls would often have one person standing guard near, or in, the door, just to make sure nobody of the opposite gender even got close to their room.

Even when I was alone, in that huge auditorium, I couldn't bear to enter the boy's room. It was wrong. But the first time I did, and I layed down on the beanbag, I exclaimed to my little brother, "It's no fair that you guys get these!" I was so much more comfortable there.

But, still, I rarely came in, even after the barrier was breached. I stayed away on purpose. I made my brother promise to not tell anyone I was there.

I was supposed to be a good girl. Never mind my intersex condition – a good GIRL. One who likes pink, who likes my church dress, and who likes the fuzzy, feathery textures with a smile, for the sake of how others see her. For the sake of fulfilling my God-given role.

As Vyt talked more and more about archetropy, it became clearer to me that modern tropes and archetypes were absolutely included. "The mad scientist" was named as an example. TV Tropes was named as a place to find a list of tropes and archetypes in media.

The TV Tropes page for "The Pastor's Queer Kid", describes the trope like this: "[The pastor's] kids seem to be every bit as perfect as they are, and have the perfect relationship with them. Well, except for one. You see, this one has a secret they're not sure about admitting to their parent. The secret being… Well, this kid isn't heterosexual (and/or cisgender, etc., as the case may be)."

I remember finding the page for this trope and lighting up. Scrolling right down to the "media" section, to see if there were any pieces of media with this trope that I would be interested in. Seeing one of my already-present kintypes there and giggling a little bit to myself. Oh, I'm so predictable! Of course I'd already have a character like this as a kintype.

I realized I was queer very young. Too naive to think better of it, I came out to my parents too soon. Not even a teenager yet, I had to comfort my mother as she cried over me being queer. One of the biggest God-fearers around, I was struck silent when my mom expressed that she feared me going to Hell, and her going to Heaven.

She phrased it as, "What will I do without my child in Heaven? You have scared me so much. I have given you a role to fulfill, and you have failed. Now, I must watch the one I love be punished."

She told her child that they would go to Hell, and be separated from everyone they love for eternity. Poor her.

(Pay no attention to the child, parentified and afraid. Do not look at the way its breath hitches when she says this. The look of disbelief on its face. She really thinks I'm going to Hell…?)

(Look at her, now. She is the victim. This is her spotlight.)

It took me years of purposeful work to undo the toxic mentality that I was taught. About purity, about martyrdom, about the flames of Hell licking every queer's feet. And I still get nightmares sometimes, but I'm proud of how far I've come. When I feel a surge of queer joy, when I see a queer person's smile, when I experience gender euphoria, I know this is it. This is what I've been fighting for. And I know that it's worth it.

I searched TV Tropes for other tropes that fit me, halfheartedly picking up a few more. I wanted an excuse to list "my tropes" on my website's 'about' page, just to add "The Pastor's Queer Kid" on it. I didn't care about the other ones I listed – I just wanted them to be there so I could feel like I had a reason to put that one in particular.

When the archetrope panel was coming to a close, and taking questions, I typed into the chat, "If people are certain archetypes or tropes in real life, would someone like that be able to identify as an archetype? Even if they technically just are it?"

I am my mom's child. I am queer. I struggled against the religion I was suffocated by, and came out the other side damaged, but alive. I try to let people know the sort of harm this upbringing can cause. I am purposefully open about this aspect of myself.

Vyt answered my question. "My default answer is gonna be, ‘Sure.' Like… I think there's something powerful in embracing something, on purpose."

On purpose, I am The Pastor's Queer Kid.

[actuallyfallen]

When Your Source is Currently-Ongoing (and How To Deal)

I’ve spoken to many fictionkin over the years who hate having ongoing sources. Why? Well, to put it simply, it’s stressful. A lot of folks feel that, when they are a character in a piece of media, they feel every bump in the story’s road as an earthquake. It’s terrifying, it’s enraging, but most of all, it’s exhausting.

I have my own method for coping with new releases of my source. I have shared this advice with a few others, and they tend to find these tips useful, as well, so I thought I might share how I cope.

1. Get your friends to consume the thing first

Assuming that you don’t care about spoilers, and you have friends also consuming the media in question, wait until your friend has consumed the new media. Then, have them give you any needed warnings before going in.

Spoilers are avoided for a reason; being spoiled often lessens your emotional reaction to a piece of media. But, remember, that’s what we’re going for here.

2. Set yourself up with pre-prepared methods of self-care while consuming the media

The way which I do this is have a calming playlist opened, comfort food prepared, and all sorts of coping methods available within arm’s reach (such as my gaming system). However, this can look different for everyone. Others who I have spoken to have practiced meditation and cuddled up under a blanket, for example.

3. Have plans in case it goes bad

I know we don’t wanna think about it, but let’s be honest here: shit happens. Sometimes, your worst fears come true, characters are fridged, or things you hate become canon. You need not expect this outcome, but you do need to be prepared for it.

Your needs for this may vary. You might want to lean away from the bad feelings and distract yourself. You may want to sit with how you feel for a bit and write it out. This is a very personal part of the whole process. Whether your needs when under emotional distress be soft and cozy, filled with punching bags, or creative, plan for it. Anything goes.

Basically, planning and prepping before consuming the media is key. Find out what you can about the new release, set up what you need, and hold space for yourself.

For further reading, please see “What To Do When Your Source Upsets You” by The Dragonheart Collective.

[actuallyfallen]

Things that make me feel demonic ⛧

(I'm a Christian religion-based demon, and fallen angel. This effects what helps me feel more demonic. Some of these won't work for every type of demon out there!)

Sharp, painted nails

Black feather deco

Anarchist and/or anti-religious music

Practicing witchcraft (not every witch is demonic, but I sure am~)

Wearing darker colors

Anything to make my canines look sharper

Demon horn headbands (high-quality, not the cheap stuff)

Colored / otherwise funky eye contacts

Dimming the lights

Poetic terrorism, babyyy! (Google it!)

[actuallyfallen]

The possibility of an alterhuman survey mailing list

I’m just thinking out loud here, mind. I MIGHT be the one to make this, if nobody else does, but it IS something I’ve never dabbled in before.

That said, the possibility of making a mailing list for alterhuman surveys caught my attention during my panel at Othercon. A lot of the beings there were also very interested, it seems. A lot of them aren’t really on social media, but may want to help and give input on such things. So I imagine it wouldn’t be hard to create an interest for the project, and to get subscribers.

The issue, I suppose, is getting the surveys themselves.

I wonder:

What would the submission process be for submitting your survey to be sent out?

Would it run exclusively on submitted surveys? That would really limit the scope of the project at the start, no?

What if the creator found a survey outside of what is submitted? Would they ask the survey-runner permission, and then mail it out?

Or is that unnecessary? Most survey runners WANT to have as many beings take their survey as they can. I can’t imagine anyone getting upset about their survey being included in a mailing list…

That said, weirder things have happened.

I’ve heard really good things about Buttondown.email’s newsletter software…

What do you think the most ethical way to go about all of this would be? My inbox is open.

[actuallyfallen]

Fractured Pieces - On Kintypes vs Synpaths

I don't quite recall who, but I remember once seeing 'synpaths' being described as 'kin for fun, but for people who are already kin'. Which I suppose is true. However, for me, and my personal experience, that doesn't feel quite right. In KFF circles, 'kin' seems to be a synonym for the word 'stan'. And my synpaths definitely aren't the characters that I stan. I've also seen synpaths be referred to as one's personal set of 'blorbos', but that doesn't feel quite right either. Again, this implies that one views their synpaths through a very fannish lens, even if it does feel as if it implies more permanence. (At least, to me, it does.)

The coiner of the term describes it as follows: "Synpath is a tidy name for something you identify with on several levels, which could be a concept that resonates really strongly with you, an animal or mythological creature you feel you act like, or a person or character you share a lot of common behaviors with, among other things." This description has always felt more personal than KFF's "kins", or fandomgoer's blorbos. To me, my synpaths are things which I identify with, as well as things that are very important to me, how I view myself, and/or my life. Because of this, I've always felt that my synpaths have always been more telling to me, as a person, than my kintypes. My kintypes are not something I choose, after all. They're my past lives; they hold no bearings on who I am now. My synpaths, though, are entirely based off of who I am today, my experiences, and my interests.

On top of this, my synpaths are fewer in number than my kintypes. I currently have a total of seven synpaths, and, of those, four are fictional characters, two are animals, and one is a non-living thing. I am currently questioning two other synpaths, at the moment. Over the years, I've gotten quite good at recognizing a past life, but synpaths? I'm able to pick and choose those. I carefully curate exactly what things are important enough to me to label as a synpath, selecting only that which is closest to my heart, for the longest amount of time. A few times, I've seen something that I thought might be a synpath, but I made myself wait on it, to make sure it didn't fade away. Which, while I occasionally do for kintypes, I don't do for nearly as long or as often, because, again, I'm quite good at narrowing down the sensation of a past self.

My reasons for synpaths vary greatly from case to case. For example, Badeline from Celeste was the first synpath that I labeled as such, due to her story's incredibly intense effect on my life and how I view my mental health. The moon is the non-living synpath I mentioned earlier, because of the otherworldly connection with which I feel to it; she's important to me, because I identify with her and the stories about her, and have since a young age. Regarding animals, hyenas feel like family. I know so much about hyenas, and they feel familiar, in a way. Rounding things back with another fictional synpath, Lain from Serial Experiments Lain is one of my most recent synpath confirmations, by my memory. But she's so much like me, and I see myself in so much of both of her stories (the PS game and the anime). Her trauma and plights are unspeakably relatable, her rage cathartic, and there's just something about her that sticks in my mind. Like a sticker that you can keep picking at, but it doesn't peel off neatly. If you tried, you'd just be left with those torn, white bits of it, where you tried to take it off, still leaving their mark on your mind.

But I am not any of these things. Badeline helped me with how I treat myself, but I am not her. I see the moon as a friend, but I cannot say that I identify as her. Hyenas are familiar beings, but I could not say that I am one in a human's body. And my relationship to Lain is like that of a warped reflection (the same, but different). But the mirror is not one which shows my past lives. Just my current one.

So, no, I don't quite think that my synpaths are like KFF, or like my blorbos. More like fractured, cracked pieces of my current self, which I have found scattered across the world. I am not them. They are not me. But that is not the only way that something can be important to you.

[actuallyfallen]

Not going to lie, I wish that the fictionkin tags were less moodboards, and more discussions about being something / someone perceived as “fictional”, and the complications, pains and joys that come of such a thing.

Ah, to have a community you care about watered down…

[actuallyfallen]

Someone, introducing themselves in a kin community space: My fictotypes are (lists 4 characters)! I know, I know, I’m not fond of the large amount either… But I promise it’s not because I’m KFF!

Me, also serious alterhuman, over 25 fictotypes in:

[actuallyfallen]

Happy bi visibility day to any and all bisexual alterbeings! 💖💜💙

[actuallyfallen]

This is my alterhumanity-centered sideblog, where I blog about my experiences with otherkinity! I will likely post about being fictionkind and having synpaths, as well!

About me

(Introduction post link) Call me Azure, or Bede, or Hunter! I’m a young adult, and I’m a boy and a girl. I’m also autistic, and alterhumanity is a special interest (which is why the title of the blog is what it is)!

I am a demon; a fallen angel, specifically! I am also a bunny, and have a few fictotypes, too.

I am alterhuman due to a mix of psychological and spiritual factors. I also tend to use ‘-kind’ as opposed to ‘-kin’, just because it is older and is something that tends to signal that a person is serious about their alterhumanity!

DNI

📼 The usual nonsense (racist, alt-right, pedo, zoophile, radical feminist of any sort, transphobe, supporters of these things)

📼 You believe fiction doesn’t effect reality (example: partake in, joke about, or justify incest, pedophilia, or the sexualization of minors; fictional or not)

📼 That’s it! Just be respectful and kind!

[actuallyfallen]

Greetings to all of those of the other kind!

I am Azure, amongst other names. After my extremely pleasant and affirming experience with Othercon 2022, I have decided that I want to get more involved with the community and community discussions! This blog is my first attempt to do such a thing.

I have been in the community for 4 years and counting! I am alterhuman due to a mix of psychological and spiritual factors. I am a member of demonkind (specifically a fallen angel), and I also have multiple fictotypes and a small handful of -heartedtypes. I am also autistic, and alterhumanity is my special interest!

That’s all for introductions! Consider giving this blog a follow or this post a boost if you’re seeing this in the tags! (Or don’t. I’m not your mom.) I follow back from azuremist!

(Oh, and don’t mind my faceclaim of Loremaster here. They’re not a fictotype of mine. I just reaaally like and related to them! So I decided to yoink them ‘cause they’re a fallen angel like me.)

[actuallyfallen]

Keep on listening and re-listening to ‘so you wanna write a book on otherkin’ from OtherCon… I’m already making an otherkin dictionary, but I’m gonna upload that to a website, not make it a book. I don’t even know what I’d write a book about.

But then I reread Bi Any Other Name, which is an anthology of bisexuals speaking about their experiences, their poetry, their thoughts…

I wonder if I could make something like that for otherkin? I wonder if anyone would be interested in something like that? Would write for something like that…?

Much to think about…

[actuallyfallen]

My thoughts on The 0wl House finale, as Hunt3r.

(Words will be censored to avoid being shown in the main fandom tags.)

The 0wl House finale’s finally aired. As expected at this point, some stuff happened that pissed me off, as Hunt3r themself.

(Like, they really killed off FIapjack and used that to cure my in-universe disability, only for me to be shown in the epilogue with a slightly DIFFERENT bird? Whose name is fucking WAFFLE??? You couldn't even TRY to be subtle that this was a blatant FIapjack replacement so you could have your angst AND let me still have a palisman too? Is that what we're doing??)

But, honestly, it's a relief to have the show over with. Having a huge ID from a source that is currently ongoing is, how you say, TERRIFYING and incredibly anxiety-inducing. I was constantly worried that they would fuck something up, which, of course, they did end up doing. (See the fridging of FIapjack for no reason other than to make the audience sad and the curing of my disability.) And, since the fandom was so big, I could hardly ever complain about the direction the show took because so many fandomgoers demanded nothing but positivity from everyone.

I greatly look forward to the majority this fandom moving onto the next big, current thing. My fandomgoing experience, as fictionkind, has ALWAYS been the best when either the fandom is small, or the source in question has ended, and the only people still active in the fandom are a select group of (usually fellow autistic) people.

I will say one positive thing about the finale itself, though, and that is this: for all of its pushing of myself and WiIIow as a romantic pair (ew, no), it didn't end up showing us getting together in any meaningful way. In the epilogue, we're around each other a lot, but we never kiss, call ourselves together, blush or (my worst fear) get married. I find this extremely funny, because the case can be made that the romantic feelings that we had as kids faded away when we grew up in canon.

My FAVORITE thing about this is that I can finally do to M/F ships what happens to M/M and F/F ships CONSTANTLY. You and I both know that if what happened between the two of us in canon happened between two characters of the same gender, and people then tried to say that it was semi-canon or implied, het people would lose their MINDS. Because with same-gendered couples, there's usually an attempt at plausible deniability. But now that a M/F ship that got this treatment... It's finally time for me to do it right back to M/F shippers.

Is it petty, because for years upon years, I've had many of my semi-canon same-gendered ships treated this way? Oh, absolutely. But I'm an arospec fictionkin of HUNT3R THE 0WL HOUSE, known target of the writer's wrath who ADMITTED to torturing my character ON PURPOSE, and who killed off my disability aid for no fucking reason. I deserve a little pettiness, I think... As a treat. ❤️

[actuallyfallen]

Is your fictomere nocturnal, diurnal, crepuscular, or something else entirely?

I mean, a lot of my whole Thing as Macaque was being something of the darkness. I definitely thrived more at night. Otherwise, I was a day person, unless you counted my insomnia as Hunter.