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thatgirlstrawberry · 1 year

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Sick Surprise pt. 13 - Something Old and New pt. 1

I’m which it’s the days before the wedding!

Warnings: fluff! Drunk Y/N, mentions of smut, cursing, lmk if I missed anything!

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

The Bachelorette Party

Y/N squealed as Penelope came around with another round of cotton candy shots. “Okay! Let’s bring out the presents!” The bubbly blonde squeaked.

The woman gasped. “No way! You guys didn’t have to get me presents!” JJ and Emily sat on the opposite sides of her with four bags in their hands each. Penelope sat in the chair in front of her with about five in hers and a two of Y/N’s work friends sat in the surrounding chairs.

She smiled after picking up a little shot glass and down the sour liquid. “Yes we did! You’re getting married, and in two of these bags are for your honeymoon.” Emily winked. Y/N’s body heated and she giggled.

“Whatever! I’m gonna go with the least risky bag.” She looked at JJ and held her hand out. “Bag me, sexy.” The drinks must have really been getting to her.

JJ handed her a bag and she excitedly tapped her heels on the ground. She reached inside and felt something silky and smooth. She furrowed her brows and pulled it out.

It was a white robe all wrapped up neat and pretty with a blue bow. “Awww, JJ! This so so cute!” She gasped. On the back of the robe it said Mrs. Reid and their wedding date.

“I thought it would be cute to wear for photos and on the honeymoon.” She shrugged with a smile. Y/N leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Okay open my next one!”

Y/N grabbed the bag that was shoved I to her hands and reached inside. She rolled her eyes with a smile when’s he felt the lace on her fingers. She pulled it out and widened her eyes at the white lacy set with REID sewn on the front over the crotch.

“Are you guys trying to get him to break my vagina?” She asked, giggling and showing everyone the garment.

The women hollered and squealed as a song they all recognized came on. “Okay!” Y/N hopped up from her chair. “We’ll resume this after we dance!”

.•.•.•.•.•.•.

The Bachelor Party

Spencer begged the guys not to take him to a strip club or anywhere where he could see some other girl’s… body parts. He didn’t want that on his conscience when he said I Do in 48 hours.

So, they ended up in Rossi’s backyard with beers and a ping pong table. Hotch was currently beating Rossi’s ass at the game and Morgan and Spencer were watching.

“So… have you asked her yet?” Derek asked after a sip of beer.

Spencer sighed and shook his head. “N-no.”

Derek tilted his head. “Why not?”

The man took a sip of his beer and cleared his throat. “I just—“ He sighed and shook his head. “I’m scared she’ll say no.”

The other man chuckled. “Well, you don’t know if you don’t ask.” He shrugged.

Spencer rolled his eyes. “I just— we only been together for a year and 10 months. I have no idea if she’s ready to let me adopt Eloise.”

He hummed and clicked his tongue. “Didn’t you tell me that she said you were great with her? And thy she told you that you don’t need to ask her permission to let Eloisey do things. And you accidentally called her your daughter and… Y/N didn’t even flinch.”

Spencer nodded. “You’re right. I’m totally just over thinking it.”

“Reid!” Rossi called. He snapped out of his conversation with Derek and looked at the smiling man. “Get over here and have some fun or I’m taking you to get drunk!”

Spencer looked at Derek with a smile before he rolled his eyes and got up from his chair.

The Bachelorette Party

In total, Y/N had received 15 sets of lingerie. She was thankful but also a little worried for her body. She also got a blue pendant necklace that all of the BAU girls pitched in for her ‘something blue’.

After all of the presents, the party was over. Emily and JJ were trying to keep Y/N upright while walking to the can and Penelope was holding all of the presents.

It was a good idea to schedule the party two days before the wedding because there was no doubt that she’d wake up with a massive hangover.

“Where’s m’kid?” She slurred. Emily groaned when Y/N almost slipped in a puddle of water on the sidewalk.

“She’s with Hotch’s babysitter.” She nodded. “Remember? With Jack and Henry.”

“Ooooooohhhhhh.” Y/N nodded with a giggle. She leaned into Emily. “Can I tell you a secret?” She asked loudly, thinking that she was whispering.

“Sure…?” Emily gave a look to JJ.

Y/N laughed. “Eloisey’s got a crush on JJ’s kid!” She doubled over and stomped her foot.

Penelope sighed. “It’s gonna be hilarious to see Reid trying to deal with his drunk Mrs!” She laughed.

Y/N almost spun around completely. “Shhh! He won’t know I’m drunk, ‘nelope! So don’t say any words, m’kay!?”

The bubbly blonde nodded. “Oh… of course not!”

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

Spencer and the guys had ended up going to a bar because Derek believed that a bachelor party should be more fun than it was.

So, they all loaded up in cars and went to the nearest one. Spencer had one drink and wanted to leave because he knew that Y/N would be getting home soon from her party.

He asked Rossi to drive him home and he waited for her to get home. When she did get home, he didn’t expect her to be as absolutely wasted as she was.

The door flew open and Emily groaned when Y/N ripped her arms out of her and JJ’s hands. She stumbled inside the apartment, her eyes landing on Spencer who was reading a book. “Spencer!” She gasped. “Oh my gosh! What are you doing here!?”

Spencer stood up, glancing at Emily, JJ, and then Garcia. “I live here, baby.” He chuckled, walking towards her. “How much did you drink?” He asked, mainly talking to Emily and the other girls.

JJ sighed. “Eight shots of vodka and four ‘zombies’.” She snorted.

Spencer furrowed his brows as he walked forward to take his fiancé from them. “What’s a zombie?” He asked.

Y/N giggled. “It’s a loooooooot of alcohol.” She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and going limp in his arms. “Where’s my other baby?” She asked, nuzzling into his chest.

He reached down, grunting and grabbing her ankle to take off her high heels. “She— jeez— she’s with Jack and Henry and then your mom is going to pick her up from Hotch’s house.”

Y/N whimpered a bit. “But I wanna…” She paused and sighed. “I wanna see her…”

Spencer nodded as he struggled to take her other heel off. “I know baby. You’ll see her tomorrow!” He smiled, kissing her cheek.

“Are you okay here, Reid?” Garcia asked, hearing the woman sing horribly into his chest as he took off her heel.

He tossed her shoe behind him onto the couch. “Yeah, we’re okay! Thank you for taking care of her.” He smiled.

Garcia took all of the bags and walked towards the coat closet. “You don’t get to look in these bags, Mister. Understand?” She opened the door and shoved them inside.

Y/N nodded against him. “Yeah, Mr. Vagina wizard! No looking!” She patted his chest and slurred her giggles.

“Okay, I won’t look.” He blushed madly at her drunken words as he ignored the laughs coming from his coworkers.

The girls said their goodbyes to the drunk woman and Spencer and left. Y/N was mumbling nonsense to Spencer and he sat her down on the couch and left to the kitchen to get her a glass of water.

“How was y- your parrrrtyyy?” She asked, her head rolling backwards onto the back of the couch.

Spencer chuckled and walked back into the living room. “It was good. Not as good as your though, apparently.”

Y/N shook her head and then frowned all of the sudden. “Did you… did y’see any… boobs?” She asked, opening her eyes just a bit.

The man shook his head and sat down next to her. “No. I didn’t see any.”

“Any butts?”

“Nope.”

“Mr. Chocolate didn’t take you to see any strippers?” She asked, sitting up and grabbing his shoulders.

Spencer shook his head. “No strippers.” She smiled at this and laid her head into his chest. “You gotta get to bed, okay?” He patted her back twice and then leaned her upright.

“Whyyyyyyy?” She whined, trying to poke his face. He moved away once but saw that she was persistent so let her do what she was trying to do.

Spencer smiled. “Because tomorrow you have Eloisey pick up, your nail appointment, your dress pick up, your eyebrow appointment, and then something else but you won’t tell me what it is.”

She giggled and bit her lip. “I’m getting a Brazilian wax!” She pretty much slapped his chest in excitement.

He rolled his eyes with a smile and stood up, bringing her with him. “Then, we have our rehearsal and dinner with everyone. Will you go to bed, please?” He chuckled.

“Can I have a kiss, please?” She asked, closing her eyes and puckering her lips.

“Yes.” He leaned down and kissed her shortly. He pulled away.

“That was not a very good kiss, mister.” She shook her head.

Spencer rubbed across her cheeks bone with his thumb. “I’ll give you a better one when you wake up, okay?” She smiled and nodded.

“Will you go to bed with me? I wanna cuddle you.” She whispered.

“Of course, baby.”

It took five whole minutes to get to the bedroom, Y/N was hard to control. She kept trying to slow dance with him in the middle of the floor. At one point he did because she started crying saying, “it’s rehearsal for our first dance! You have two left feet!”

Once he got her into bed, he stripped her of her dress and put some pajama pants and one of his shirts on her. He tied her hair back and away from her face because he knew how much she hated her hair getting in her way while she was sleeping.

She was very happy when he finally laid down next to her after changing from his clothes because that meant she could practically lay on top of him. “Missed you, Spence.” She whispered after hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

He rubbed her head before running his hand down her back. “I missed you too, baby.”

“Hey guess what, Spence,”

“What?”

“You’re really hot.”

He just laughed and shushed her.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

The next morning, Y/N woke up to a bottle of water and a few advil on her bedside table. She groaned and rolled over expecting to see her fiancé there looking angelic as always when he was sleeping.

But he wasn’t there.

She furrowed her eyebrows and felt the dull aching of her head become stronger. “Ohhhhhhhhh fuck.” She sighed, groaning loudly.

She sat up and let her head fall into her hands. She stilled for a moment before realizing that her room was a bit too lit up.

She looked over at the clock on her table.

10:30 am

She was supposed to pick Eloise up from her mother’s at 9:00.

“Shit!” She stumbled out of bed and raced out of her bedroom.

She almost ran to the front door but paused when she saw Spencer cooking something in the kitchen and Eloise was dancing around the living room.

Spencer looked up from the frying pan. “Good morning— I uh… didn’t expect you to be up yet.” He said, ducking down to look at the clock on the stove.

“Morning mommy!” Eloise squealed.

She smiled down and squinted at her daughter. “Morning, baby!” She said quietly. “Did you…” She looked up at Spencer.

He nodded. “I didn’t want to wake you so I just went to get her and now I’m making you guys breakfast.”

Y/N crossed her arms and smiled as she walked towards him. “You’re the best. And I love you.” She mumbled.

He grinned, holding his arms out. She walked into them and squeezed him so tight. “How drunk was I?” She asked.

“Verrry drunk.” He kissed her head. “You forced me to slow dance with you.” He chuckled.

Y/N giggled and inhaled his familiar scent. Coffee, and cologne. “Thank you.”

“For what?” He asked, rubbing her back.

“For being you.” She answered after a short pause.

Spencer smiled. “Well, I’ll always be me. But, you’ve got to eat and then get ready for all of your appointments today.”

“Spenther! Is bweakfast weady!?” Eloise asked from the living room. “I’m a very hungry girl, otay?”

Spencer chuckled. “Yes, it’s ready. Do you wanna come and sit in your chair?”

Eloise pattered into the kitchen. “Duh, Spenther.” She rolled her eyes and climbed up on the pink chair.

Y/N smiled and shook her head. “Are you excited to have a girls day with mommy?” She asked, sitting in the chair next to her as Spencer began plating the food.

“Yeth! I so excited to get my nails done wif you!” She nodded, eyes lighting up. She paused. “Wait. I dotta go wash m’hands!” She scurried out of the kitchen to the bathroom.

Spencer leaned over his fiancé’s shoulder. “So, what’s she gonna do when you’re getting your… Brazilian?” He whispered. She could feel his smirk against her ear.

She turned to him, lips centimeters apart. “How did you know about that!?” She asked, watching him set a plate down in front of her.

He kissed her, leaving her head a bit dizzy. “Let’s just say, you like to overshare when you drink.” He whispered against her lips. She chased after his lips as he pulled away but he got too far and she pouted, turning around and picking up her fork.

Eloise rushed back into the kitchen and sat in her pink chair, excited to eat.

Y/N cleared her throat. “She will be with Penelope, for your information.”

Spencer smiled and sat across from her. “Oh, in that case, can I come watch?”

She furrowed her brows. “I really don’t think you wanna see hair getting ripped off my va-jay-jay.” She shook her head and Spencer laugh loudly, almost startling Eloise.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

The day went absolutely perfect. Eloise and Y/N had gotten their nails painted, Eloise played with another little girl while her mother was getting her eyebrows done, Penelope picked up Eloise and took her for ice cream while Y/N was getting her soul snatched with hot wax and now, the mother and daughter pair were on their way to pick up their dresses. They got them and then she and Eloise went out to lunch. She wanted to explain what was going to change around the house and who she would be staying with after the wedding.

She watched her daughter with a smile as she munched on her chicken strips. “So, Eloisey…” She started. The girl looked up. “Remember when I told you what getting married was?” She asked.

Eloise nodded and her eyes out up. “It means that I get to wear a pretty dwess and frow fwowers at people.”

Y/N’s head titled to the side. “Yeah, somethin’ like that.” She giggled. “Spencer and I are going to go on a little trip. Just for a couple of days.”

Eloise looked up. “Where we goin’?” She asked, almost biting her finger in the process of eating.

The mother sighed and reached across the table. “Baby, you… you aren’t going.” She shook her head. She couldn’t find any nicer words. “I’m sorry, baby. You’ll get to stay with grandma and grandpa.” Her shoulders tensed.

Eloisey face screwed up into anger. “I wan’ go, mommy!” She shouted.

“Eloise, you can’t go.” Y/N said quietly after shushing her. The girl sat back, crossing her arms. “It’s for three days, baby. I promise I’ll call you every single day we’re gone and I’ll even bring you back a present!”

The girl’s face lit up. “I wike pwesents, mommy.” She nodded.

Y/N smiled. “I know you do, baby.”

——————————————————

Yayyyyyyy

I live this chapter and I’m sooooooo excited for the next chapter which will be the wedding! I decided to break it up into 2 parts

Thank y’all for reading and I love ya bunches❤️❤️❤️

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

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DIWK - Chapter one: "Yes, I'm a genius"

Word count: 10,5 K

Warnings: Cursing, but it's mostly a fluffy nerdy start to our story. Mentions of the L.D.S.K episode (Season 1, E06) and A real Rain (Season 1, E17).

Summary: Spencer meets the BAU new member, a young S.S.A. who happens to be just as nerdy as he is. (Y/N) is excited to join her dream job finally, but she is decided to create an imaginary barrier between her personal life and her job 'cos she doesn't want to make the same mistakes her father had done.

A/N: It's happening!!! I'm so excited!! I'm sorry it's gonna be long, so I hope you enjoy the ride 💕. Let me know what you think!

Series Masterlist

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Spencer's point of view

I remember everything that happened the day (Y/N) first arrived at the BAU. It was Monday, November 7th, 2005. Morgan had teased me for a whole week already, as soon as Hotch told us a new member of the team had been selected.

I first saw her when she had her last interview with Aaron and Gideon. My eyes were glued to her from the moment she stepped into the bullpen, and of course, Derek saw me.

- "What caught your eye, kid?"- he asked, walking to my desk. He sat on it and cut me one of his smirks, telling me he knew something was going on. I cleared my throat, trying to turn to my pile of paperwork, going through the papers, and narrowing my eyes, pretending to read.

- "What?"- I know I couldn't fool him, but at least I tried.

- "Do you know her?"

- "Who?"- Morgan looked at me in silence. He knew I knew what he was talking about- "The... no, Hotch is talking with someone..."

I was completely flustered.

- "That I can see, do you know her?"

- "No..."- I whispered and looked over again, this time staring at the scene inside the office, trying to figure out what they were talking about.

I could see (Y/N) smiling at Hotch, and he... smiled back, which still surprises me. Our Unit Chief never smiles in the office, and somehow, (Y/N) always manages to make him grin and express tenderness. I guess that's one of the things about her I love, the way she always manages- somehow, I still don't know how- to make everybody around her happy. Especially me. I had never been as happy as I've been since I met her.

- "Hey, Hotch!"- Morgan waited until she was into the elevator to call Aaron and start asking questions- Who is she?

- "That's Supervisory Special Agent (Y/F/N) (Y/S/N) (Y/L/N), and she is going to be part of the team, starting next week."

My heart stopped. (Y/N) was gonna work with me. I was never going to have another intelligible thought or idea if she was going to be around. Of that, I was sure.

Derek turned to me with a grimace of taunt as I tried my best to look away and hide my red blushed cheeks. Damn it. I hate it when he makes me feel like a kid. He did that then, and he still manages to do it now, even when I'm already thirty years old.

- "Did you hear that, pretty boy?"- I was so glad it was just him and Hotch. I didn't want anyone else to listen to that conversation- "You are going to get many chances to talk with that pretty girl."

- "We are going to have to go through the fraternization policy then."- Hotch joked. Yes, he joked and smiled as he walked away.

I could barely talk or even look at her during her whole first day. I was so embarrassed that week 'cos I had just failed my firearm qualification, and I knew everybody was judging me. At least that's how I felt. It didn't work that Morgan welcomed me that morning with a freaking whistle. I felt like the mockery of a Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and of all days, (Y/N) had to arrive that morning.

We had a long briefing that day, JJ catching (Y/N) up with a few cases we were reviewing, and Hotch gave her the proper induction to the team. Penelope loved her. It was friendship at first sight.

- "I'm so happy you are here to stay! There aren't enough girls here at the BAU!"- she nearly squeaked as soon as we left the meeting room- "I want to know everything about you! We are going to be best friends. I can feel it!"- (Y/N) smiled at Garcia and nodded.

- "If you are a cat lover and a sucker for nerdy things, then I guess we are already family."

Her answer made Penelope shriek in excitement as I walked back to my desk quickly. I knew Derek wasn't going to waste the chance to embarrass me in front of her, and I needed to avoid it no matter what.

- "Considering it's your first day, and so far we haven't got a case, I say we should all have lunch together. There's a small place nearby"- Morgan smiled sweetly at (Y/N), and she nodded.

- "I'd love to."

- "Spencer here was just telling me how he wanted to know how you got to the BAU so young; he is excited not to be the team's baby anymore"- I turned to Morgan slowly. I swear he could feel the daggers from my eyes.

- "How old are you?"- she asked, and her smile left me speechless. I tried to answer, but I couldn't make any sound but an awkward stutter.

- "He's twenty-four"- Elle had to answer for me, 'cos I had literally lost all my verbal abilities- "His birthday was a few weeks ago."

- "Congratulations! I'm twenty-four too! I'm so happy I'm not the youngest! My brother teased me about it for the last couple of days and got me all freaked out."

She looked so happy to be there. When you spend day after day surrounded by the worst of humankind, you seem to enjoy and appreciate the little gentle things in life. Her excitement was one of those. It was refreshing.

- "That's..."- it was so hard to pronounce any word at that moment. I was flustered and mortified 'cos I was making a fool out of myself.

- "That's great."

That was all I managed to say. Then, I looked down at the papers on my desk, doing my best to avoid any conversation. JJ and Elle talked to her for a few more minutes before returning to their duties, and Derek tapped my back as he walked to his desk.

- "Way to go, Romeo."

- "Shut up."

We never made it for lunch that day, 'cos we were called for a case in Illinois, and I was embarrassed in front of (Y/N) for the very first time. The first of many.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I could never forget the day I met Spencer. We were just kids. We were both twenty-four, and that was the first thing that caught everybody's attention on my first day at the BAU. We were the youngest, though he was a genius. I was an average kid who graduated high school at sixteen, got good grades at college, and got into the academy at twenty. Somehow I managed to kick ass until I got the position of my dreams in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I felt too young and inexperienced to be there, but seeing Reid's face made me feel a little better.

Hotch introduced me to everybody: Morgan, JJ, Elle, Penelope, Gideon -the legend- and Doctor Spencer Reid. He didn't shake my hand, explaining he has a "germs thing." I waved and said I understood him because I've always had a "hug thing," so we are both on the same page.

- "I don't like people touching me if we are not close friends or family."- I explained, and he smiled right away. That smile. It lit up my days for years to come.

- "Me neither, so don't worry, I'm not gonna try to touch you"- I bit my lips as I nodded, and his cheeks turned blood red with embarrassment immediately

- "Sorry, I mean, I'm not going to do anything that might bother you, like hugging you or..."

- "Don't worry, Dr. Reid, I understood what you were trying to say"- he kept nodding and excusing himself, and I tried not to laugh. He seemed to be so nervous it was endearing.

- "You... you can call me Spencer, or Reid"- he added- "You don't need to call me doctor."

- "You can call me (Y/N)"- and he nodded again, looking like a ten years old kid.

I remember clearly that second, right away, I thought he could be my new best friend. There was something about him that made me want to get closer to him.

- "Great! Now we've got two weird kids."- Morgan quickly said, chuckling, and I frowned at his words. I wanted to give him the snarkiest answer, but I remembered it was my first day, and I was still trying to give a good impression to my new coworkers, so I just stared.

- "You know, treating them like kids won't make you look wiser."- Elle whispered, though I heard her perfectly, as Hotch called to the briefing room.

- "I'm just joking with them! Don't you get a joke?"

I thought it was rude to joke around with someone you had just met, but soon after that, I realized Derek Morgan meant no harm. He was like that. And soon, he became the older brother I never thought I was going to need at work. After all, it was my first official job, and it was a very stressful one.

My first case was nerve-wracking. Gideon snapped in front of me, and I felt I wasn't helping at all catching the sniper. We are not supposed to use that word, but fuck it. Besides, Spencer and Hotch were kept hostage by the unsub. And Aaron had to beat the shit out of Reid to save all the hostages. Reid was so embarrassed, and I was so scared.

Scared of looking weak in front of my team. Afraid of not deserve being at the BAU.

I remember Elle brought me a coffee on the jet on our way back and said the words that resonated in my head when she left.

- "No one expects you to be perfect at what you do. We just need someone who gives the best every day."

I looked into her eyes and nodded. That was one of the few intimate conversations we had. Elle wasn't the one to open her heart and share her feelings. But she was always someone who could tell you the truth and support you when you needed it.

- "Hey! Reid!"- I waved at him from my car as I stopped next to him outside the BAU. It was already two in the morning, and he was outside the main building waiting for a cab.

- "Hey (Y/N)."- he whispered as I rolled up the window and looked at him.

- "Do you need a ride?"

- "No... no, thank you"- he hesitated and waved- "I already called a cab."

- "Are you sure? it's gonna start raining any minute now."

And just as I predicted, a few seconds later, Spencer's glasses were covered with tiny drops of water. He smiled and took a step closer to the car, opened the door, and got in.

- "Th... thank you"- he whispered as I smiled

- "It's ok, I couldn't let you there, on your own, waiting for a cab, not after coming back from a case."

- "I'm ok..."- maybe he thought I was implying the beating he got from Aaron earlier that day, so I did my best to tell him otherwise.

- "I bet you are, but it's fucking freezing, and we are all tired. There's no way you are waiting for a cab if I can drive you over... what about your car, by the way?"

- "I'm not a fan of driving; I take the subway to work every day."

- "Really? Why not?"- I was surprised by his answer, but I was way more surprised we were talking, finally.

- "I don't know, I don't feel comfortable driving... the guys say I'm weird."

I turned to him, raising an eyebrow. He looked so nervous it made me feel bad. Maybe I had done something that had bothered him and never noticed it.

- "That's not weird"- my voice was soft, trying to calm him down. Spencer looked like a scared kitten sitting on my car's passenger seat.

- "If you don't like driving, that's ok... I don't like talking on the phone with people. It makes me anxious for no reason."- I confessed, keeping my eyes on the road. But I know he turned to me and nodded.

- "That's completely normal. It's called "telephone phobia" or "phone phobia," which refers to the irrational fear or discomfort with speaking over the phone. Psychologists believe that this condition is related to social anxiety, which causes a person to avoid situations where they will need to act. Making a call is essentially a performance, and some people dread making a mistake, freezing up, being ridiculed, or not being able to perform in front of an audience."

- "Really?"- he just nodded and kept his eyes on the road- "I didn't know it had a name! My insurance should cover it."

And he finally laughed, which made me feel he was maybe a little more relaxed around me.

- "This is me."- he announced, and I parked outside his building. It was a nice place, and conveniently, it was very close to my house.

- "Great! I live just a few blocks away. I can give you a ride to work whenever you want"- I might have sounded a little more excited than I should have, but I wanted to be friends with him. He was the closest in age with me at work, and he looked so shy and friendly. He was a magnet. Spencer Reid was calling for my friendship. I could feel it.

- "Th.. thanks"- he stuttered and nodded as he opened the door and step out of the car- "Thank you, again."

- "You are very welcome!"- I answered with a big smile. He stared at me for another second and waved before turning around, basically running into the building.

I wish I could go back in time to those days. Everything was more uncomplicated, we were getting to know each other, and everything was brand new: Reid's rambling, my bad jokes. I miss that. I miss us.

It wasn't easy to get close to Spencer. It wasn't easy to get close to the team, probably 'cos I was overthinking every single thing I did. In my first couple of weeks, I was as friendly as I have ever been and made my best to be the (Y/N) I had to be as an FBI Agent. I was making a tremendous effort to fit it. I was nervous and walking on eggshells the whole time. Every time Hotch talked to me, I was sure he would tell me I was fired. When Gideon looked at me, I was sure he thought I was the dumbest agent he had ever met. And every time I spoke at the morning briefings, I just could feel Spencer thinking I was stupid.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)! I was looking for you!"- Penelope ran into me outside the lady's room and jumped on my face, making me scream- "Sorry!"

- "It's ok, you just almost killed me of a heart attack, but that's ok... I'll survive."- I joked as I kept feeling my heart jumping in my chest.

- "Sorry, I'm just excited 'cos everybody is in for a little gathering tonight at my house. I need to give you a proper welcome! You've already been here for nearly a month, and we still don't get to know much of you."

Hanging out with my coworkers outside the office was strange. Not that I didn't want to get to meet them, it's just that... they were FBI agents. Sure, so was I, but it was my first official Supervisory Special Agent job, and I was only twenty-four. There were so many of my teenage days I still wasn't ready to let go. And so much of it, I didn't want them to know.

- "Sure!"- I replied and smiled at her face lighting up. You could tell Penelope was excited to host a party at her house.

- "Great! Tonight! my place! I'll text you the address! you have to be there!"

- "I will, I swear!"

Spencer's point of view

Oh, man! The first time I actually talked to (Y/N) was on a get-together Penelope organized at her apartment a few weeks after (Y/N) joined the team. Garcia made an effort to make her feel welcome, she even invited Elle, and we all knew those two weren't incredibly close.

Derek drove Elle and me to Penelope's, and I was mortified every minute I spent in that car. He wouldn't stop teasing me, and Elle asked over and over if I had a crush on (Y/N).

- "No! I don't have a crush on her! can you knock it off?!"- I finally snapped as I got off the car outside Garcia's building.

- "Just because she is my age doesn't mean I have or should have a crush on her! she is our new colleague! so please! Stop!"

I slammed the door and walked inside. Did I make an unnecessary scene? Yes, but I couldn't handle anything better at that moment. They were driving me crazy.

- "Welcome! Welcome!"- Penelope opened the door and invited us in. (Y/N), and JJ were already there, holding a beer and laughing. I stared at the two of them and knew I wasn't going to say a word the whole evening.

Back then, I still had a small crush on JJ. We had a terrible date after Gideon gave me tickets for a football game with her favorite team. That was his way to encourage me to ask her out, which I did... but apparently, I sucked at it, 'cos she never got it was a date and invited Penelope to come along. Worst date of my life. But still, I got flustered around her, and my mind kept coming back to her from time to time.

- "So, pretty girl, why did you want to be part of the FBI?"- Morgan asked her after a while of small talk. She was sitting on Garcia's coach, next to our host and JJ. I turned to look at her from my chair, and I swear I felt Elle's eyes on me for a few seconds.

- "Do you usually call girls names?"- (Y/N) answered the questions with another question and frowned at Morgan. He just wide opened his eyes and smiled, surprised.

- "He calls everybody names."- JJ replied, chuckling

- "Hey! he calls me sweet names! Just me!"- Penelope got all jealous and possessive right away.

- "Did you know according to some studies, the reason people in relationships use pet names for their partners is that they're harking back to their own childhood experience and their first love, which usually relates to their mother"- facts came out of my mouth faster than I noticed. I didn't have a chance to stop myself.

Derek frowned right away and (Y/N) bit her lips, trying not to laugh. Elle lost that fight and let out a burst of loud laughter along with JJ.

- "Are you trying to tell me I've got mommy issues, Reid?"

- "No, no, of course not!"- my voice was agitated as I shook my head and hands frenetically. If there's one thing I never want to do is get Morgan mad. He is scary when he is crossed, and back then, we weren't as close as we are now. Let's say I was a little afraid I might say the wrong thing. I always said the wrong thing... I don't know when to stop.

- "I call people pet-names too, once I get to know them, so don't worry"- (Y/N) smiled at turned to Derek with a smile- "And to answer your question, why did I join the FBI? I guess I tried to follow dad's steps. He is chief of police here at Quantico... and my older brother is a detective at NYPD, so... I guess I never really thought about it. I knew where I wanted to be."

- "I bet they are proud"- JJ smiled at her, and I held my breath for a second. I don't know why I did it; I just remember feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. Not because of JJ, but because I wanted to learn more about (Y/N). I wanted to know everything, but I had no idea how to ask her anything.

- "Well, my brother is very jealous since I joined the BAU"- she chuckled with a playful smile- "Now I'm dad's favorite."

She told us about her academy experience, and we all told her a little bit about ourselves. Morgan was nice enough to tell her everything about my degrees and IQ because, well, my IQ dropped to twenty when it was my turn to talk to her.

I found out she has a MA in Linguistics and was considering doing the DA, which she did. That's when I managed to speak, and we talked about our college experiences for a while.

- "Oh, no! I wasn't popular at all. When your dad is a cop, kids usually don't wanna talk to you or invite you to parties."- she explained as we stood at one side of the room. Talking to her on our own was a little bit easier than doing it with everybody else watching. I don't know why. So I took my opportunity when Derek was out getting more beer with Elle, and JJ and Garcia were in the kitchen.

- "Being fourteen and riding my bike to college didn't make me very popular either."- I confessed, and she chuckled

- "Sorry."

- "Don't be"- I smiled and looked down at my shoes- "I guess at a certain point in our lives, we have to start laughing about some of the bad things that happened to us"- her cellphone rang that second, and she looked at the screen with a small smile.

- "Sorry, I have to answer this, it's my boyfriend."

Boyfriend. I should have seen it coming.

I walked to the kitchen, defeated, and sighed. I left my empty can of Coke and looked at my friends.

- "I think I'm gonna go home."

- "What? No! It's too early, Spence!!"- JJ argued right away- "You never want to hang out with us outside work!"

- "Yeah!! Don't you want to have fun with us?"- Garcia begged and pouted. I wasn't sure I wanted to be there. I was very uncomfortable 'cos social gatherings weren't my thing (they are still not my thing anyway) until I heard her voice.

- "So, what are you guys doing?"- (Y/N) walked over and stood next to me

- "Who were you talking to?"- Penelope asked right away with a wink.

- "My boyfriend"- she was joyful, I could feel the happiness in her voice- "He just wanted to know if I was ok."

- "Boyfriend?"- JJ smiled, and I could feel her eyes glance over me.

- "I need to know everything!"- and Penelope hyperventilated right away- "How long have you been dating? Are you getting married soon? Is he the love of your life?"

- "Who's getting married?"- Morgan walked in and wide opened his eyes as he questioned the room.

- "(Y/N) is getting married!!"- Penelope nearly shrieked as (Y/N) shook her head laughing.

- "I'm not getting married! Paul and I started dating just a month ago; it's nothing serious."

I took a sip of the beer Elle gave me and sighed, staring at the bottle. I made my best not to look at Derek for the rest of the night. I didn't want him to give me any sorry glance or anything that might make anyone believe something that wasn't real.

It was a fun night, after all. After my beer, we talked; I felt a little looser and managed to ask (Y/N) about herself and told her I had overheard her telling Garcia she was a sucker for all nerd things.

- "Yeah, I'm a huge nerd"- her cheeks blushed with her confession.

- "I bet you can't beat baby genius here"- Morgan chuckled and tapped in my back, making everybody laugh... at me.

- "I've got the feeling I can top him... you have no idea the kind of geek I am"- she looked straight at me- "How many Star Wars conventions have you been to this year?"

- "Just one, you?"- I raised an eyebrow and watched her chuckle.

- "Five... last two I was in make-up and custom"- I wide opened my eyes as she bit her lips nervously.

- "And Doctor Who conventions?"- I asked her, way more intrigued than I had been about her before.

- "Only two this year, the academy and school got in the way of most of my fun..."

- "Do you have a favorite doctor?"- I had to ask

- "From the new series, ten, the classic Doctor who I have to say four."

- "Tom Baker is by far my favorite doctor of the whole series."

- "But you can't overlook the fantastic job David Tennant has done! He is the one who managed to charm a whole new generation with the show!"

- "Yeah, he is excellent! but he ain't no Baker"- I loved that conversation

- "Baker's popularity is 80% because he had Sara Jane, who is by far one of the best companions the doctor has ever had. She made him human and relatable"- she had a point, but I needed to argue with her. I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't because Morgan's voice was louder than my thoughts.

- "Ok, geeks, you can ramble about your tv shows and nerd things some other time, now let's make a toast. To our newest member, we hope you feel welcome working with us, 'cos you are gonna see us way more than you see your boyfriend"- she chuckled at those words and nodded.

- "Thank you, guys. You have been so nice to me these couple of weeks. I've got the feeling we are gonna get along."

- "Do you need a ride?"- (Y/N) turned to me as I grabbed my satchel, and she put on her coat.

- "Thanks, but Morgan is gonna take me home."- I whispered, scared to be alone with her again.

- "Actually, kid, I was planning to hit the club right now, it's still early, and we don't get many free nights, so..."- he looked at us and shrugged.

- "You don't mind?"- I asked her, and she gave me the warmest smile.

- "I just offered to do it, of course, I don't mind at all."

- "Thank you."

I didn't know if I wanted to kill Morgan or thank him. Either way, (Y/N) waved goodbye to everybody and walked out of Garcia's with me, after thanking everybody for the hundredth time for everything.

- "Are you tired?"- she asked me as we both sat in her car. She started it, and the music that came from the radio was so loud, I nearly covered my ears- "Sorry! Sorry! I was rocking my favorite album on my way over."

She quickly turned off the radio and gave me a guilty smile

- "It happens when you drive alone a lot."

- "Did you know listening to loud music helps you liberate stress?"- I started rambling- "There is a direct connection between your inner ear and the pleasure centers in the brain. Shortly explained, when you listen to loud music, endorphins are released, that act on the opiate receptors in our brains, they reduce pain and boost pleasure, resulting in a feeling of well-being."

If I was going to work with her, I had to find a way to talk to her. Even if that way was to ramble facts over and over again. Anything was better than silences, I guess.

- "Yeah! and it also works like a stimulant, which I needed after the week we just had..."- I chuckled, and she looked at me for a second- "By the way, I noticed you have a problem with coffee and sugar"

- "I don't have a problem with coffee!"- I felt nearly judged by her statement.

- "And sugar!"- she added and snickered

- "You know you shouldn't profile other profilers"- I made my best to make a joke, and I guess I nailed it, 'cos she chuckled.

- "That's hardly profiling, Reid! that's just watching you prepare your coffee every morning"

- "Have you been spying on me?"- I could help but to chuckle at that conversation. I was having fun.

- "No way on earth! I just happen to like to drink coffee too, which leads us to the question I wanted to ask, it's still early; Morgan was right, do you want to have a coffee or something... I'm in the mood for something sweet."

- "And you were judging me for my coffee with extra sugar!"

- "I'm not judging you! I'm just pointing out that I noticed what you are doing and wondering how many cavities you already have."

I laughed. An honest, real, pure laughter. She has always made me laugh as I've never had. Like there are no problems, no worries, no traumas. Nothing bad.

- "I have no cavities, thank you very much!"

- "Fine! and are you in the mood for a late coffee and cupcake with me?"- I stayed quiet and looked at her- Don't feel pushed to do it just because I'm giving you a drive

- "No, no, it's not that. I just don't wanna bother you"

- "If I am inviting you, Reid, it's because I want to do it, not because I'm feeling forced to do it"- she kept her eyes on the road, but her voice was so reassuring I couldn't doubt a word.

- "Wouldn't your boyfriend get mad or something?"- I whispered the question 'cos I was scared of the answer.

- "Why should he?"- she looked shocked by the questions- "If he gets jealous, then he is not the guy for me."

I cut her a short smile and nodded. Her personality was so different from mine. It was exciting to have her around.

- "I could eat a donut"- and she clapped at my answer, thrilled with the plan.

- "That's the spirit! I know just the place!"

We talked until four in the morning that night. I don't know how I managed to do it, not because I was tired, but because I was very nervous. Well, I was at the beginning, but talking with (Y/N) has always come easy to me, somehow. To the guy who was never able to speak in public or with any girl, spending three hours in a cafeteria talking, eating donuts, and drinking coffee in the middle of the night was the most significant achievement.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "How do you know a place open at this hour?"- Spencer asked me the very first time we were out together for coffee. It was already close to four in the morning, and I had started yawning, 'cos even with all the sugar and caffeine I had consumed that night, I was weary.

- "Sorry to break the news, doctor, but are not the only one with a sugar problem"- I licked a little frosting from my finger and grinned- "Sometimes after classes, or when I was too stressed studying, I would come here, get a coffee, a cupcake and just... do nothing for a while, just to let my brain rest I guess"

- "That makes total sense. The brain needs free time to process new information and turn it into something more permanent. Though the amount of time a mind needs to construct a durable memory probably varies from one person to the next, it also depends on the complexity of what that person is trying to learn"

- "Well, believe me, it felt like I needed two weeks to process all the information, but I only had half an hour if I was lucky"

- "Then you are already trained for this work. We don't have much time to do anything when we are on a case"

- "That's what I've seen so far... but at least you all get along. It would suck to be stuck in a team that fight egos and divisions."

- "Yeah, you are right, we are lucky to have very nice people working with us... everybody brings something different to the team"- I nodded at his words and looked down at my fingers as I tried to wipe the leftover sticky glazed with a napkin.

I had been working there for four weeks already, and I still felt like I didn't belong. Honestly, it was such hard work being there, not because they weren't a great team, but because it was more challenging than I ever imagined. Profiling and traveling all over the nation catching serial killers was... stressing, to say the least.

- "You bring a completely different point of view in every case"- he continued speaking and looked down at his cup- "And your knowledge in Linguistics adds more information to the profiles, which helps working faster and better."

I held my breath at his words. I knew he was just polite, just trying to make me feel better about my job performance these weeks.

- "I can assure you, you have been an incredible addition to the team"- he stayed quiet for a second, still just staring at his cup.

- "Thank you."

- "It's true; I'm not telling you this 'cos I think you need to hear it. I wanted you to know 'cos that's how we all feel."

I know I was blushing. I don't know how to take a compliment. Not that I get many, but it's always weird to hear someone telling you so nice things about your work.

- "Thank you, Spencer"- he finally looked at me and nodded. We stayed in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what else to say, and he seemed to be embarrassed.

- "Thank you, actually"- he finally whispered.

- "Why? I didn't do anything"- I was confused, but he was earnest about his words.

- "Thank you, 'cos you have been very nice to me, even though I am a barely tolerable person."

- "What? Barely tolerable? What the hell are you saying?"

- "I mean, I know I drive people crazy 'cos I am always rambling and giving unnecessary facts all the time"- I narrowed my eyebrows, not getting why he was saying those things.

- "You do not do that."

- "Maybe you haven't been here long enough to realize I am always giving facts, and..."- he was honest. He actually believed people were annoyed by him. It hurt me to know that's what he thought of himself.

- "I realized that within the first three hours into the job, but I think that's amazing."

- "People would always say it's annoying."

- "Why would they say that?"

- "Because... I know they do."

- "Well, whoever says or thinks that are assholes, I like your rambling."

Reid snorted, and I hit his arm with my knuckles softly. I really felt bad he was so insecure, and most of all, he thought everybody hated him.

- "I mean it, Spencer, I wish I knew half the things you know, and if being with you means having to listen to your rambling, I think it's incredible, 'cos it gives me the chance to soak some of that knowledge."

The way he smiled, it was like his whole face lit up. He blushed, obviously embarrassed, and it also blushed me, 'cos he was gorgeous when he smiled.

- "So please, don't stop the facts, not with me"- he nodded and sipped what was left of his coffee.

After another few minutes, we left, and I drove him home. We were in a small sugar rush; we were too tired to have a full effect. I knew all I wanted was my bed and sleep the whole weekend.

- "I had a great time tonight"- I parked my car outside his building and smiled- "At Penelope's and with you"

I was so excited we had finally talked and gotten closer. I wanted to be friends with him so badly. Why? I don't know. I just knew I needed him in my life, from that minute on.

- "I had a great time too"- he smiled and held his satchel- "See you Monday"

- "Yeah! See ya!"

- "Drive safe!"

- "I will!"

I got home that night and laid on my bed, fully dressed. I barely took off my shoes and fell asleep right away. I was too tired to think, too tired even to put on my pajamas. But I wasn't too tired to remember Spencer's smile while he ate donuts. His dorky glasses, the way he gesticulated everything he said when he was excited about a subject. I was glad I had finally gotten to talk to him for once. And I couldn't wait to do it again.

Back then, Paul and I had just started dating. I wasn't in love with him, but he was a nice, funny guy I loved spending time with. I met Paul a couple of months ago at a friend's party. He was fun to be with, and we had a lot of things in common. We were both into music. He had a band, I didn't back then, but eventually got mine over time. He was like me, nothing like my friends at the BAU.

I thought that was cool, 'cos he represented a part of me I didn't want to lose working at the FBI. I was terrified I was going to lose myself in my new job. I saw how it affected dad's and my brother's life, how they were consumed by it in almost every single way. It was why my parents got divorced. It was why my brother couldn't keep a girlfriend for longer than a few months. 'Cos work was first, and their job was everything. The crazy hours, having to answer every call, no matter how busy you were. I thought it was sick how work could be your whole life. I was decided not to let it happen.

Yeah. I had no idea what I was getting into.

Soon after I joined the BAU, the nightmares began. I guess nothing prepares you to see so many people die. And nothing prepares you to kill someone, no matter if that someone is a child abuser.

I took the shoot, didn't even hesitate. It went right between his eyes. It was him or me, I know that. He was going to kill me. But still, it was hard.

Derek turned to me as I stayed still, in shock. It took me a few seconds to even breathe. I had just killed a person. It wasn't just some random thing.

- "(Y/N), are you ok?"- he landed a hand on my shoulder, and I quickly nodded.

- "Yeah, I'm ok... that was fast"- it was all I could say and turned to him. He gave me a short warm smile and wrapped an arm around me. I flinched at his touch right away and held my breath again. I don't know if he felt it, but still, he didn't let me go.

Derek has that thing when he doesn't care if you want it or no; he will give you his love and friendship when he feels you deserve it. I guess I'm lucky to call him my friend. And he really pushed that hug thing I still have.

- "Are you ok?- Spencer's voice was a sweet whisper. He sat carefully next to me in the jet and gave me a warm cup of tea- "I made you the one you like"

Of course, he had noticed my favorite brand, 'cos that's what Spencer does, he takes mental notes of everything and never, ever forgets. I wonder if that's a good thing or not. I guess it depends on what you remember.

- "Yeah, just tired"- working at the BAU, you can hide any kind of feeling behind the "I'm so tired" excuse. Mostly because we are indeed tired the whole time.

- "It was an extreme case"- I sipped my cup of tea and nodded at his words- "Do you..."

- "No, I'm ok, I don't wanna talk about it"- he bit his lips as he smiled. We both stayed quiet for a while. He read (somehow, at a relative normal peace), and I drank my tea. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so I just looked outside and tried not to think about the unsub's face and how he looked when I killed him.

- "How was your first time?"- I finally asked him, and I think my question caught him by surprise, 'cos he nearly jumped on his seat- "Not your first time in the sack, the first time you had to..."

- "No, I got it, I got it"- he was already blushing, it was adorable- "My first time was actually the first time you drove me home"

- "Really?"

- "Yeah"- he made a pause and gathered his thoughts, I guess- "I didn't really go out to the field a lot before 'cos I didn't have my firearm qualification"

And suddenly I remembered how embarrassed he was about it on my first day at the BAU. Derek made sure everybody knew about it 'cos he thought it was hilarious. And I thought he was a jerk for making fun of him.

- "And did it affect you?"- it was a stupid question. I knew Spencer was a sensitive person; of course, killing someone was going to affect him in many ways- "I mean, how did it affect you?"

- "I couldn't feel anything at first"

- "Shock?"- he nodded and sighed- "Gideon said that maybe I didn't know what I felt and that's why I thought I didn't feel a thing, but that wasn't it, it was like I was numbed inside... but then when it hits you"- he murmured- "And you can't stop thinking about it"

- "I think it hit me sooner than I thought"- I closed my eyes and sighed, but even then, I could feel those empty dead eyes staring at me.

- "Wanna know what helped me?"- Spencer's voice was velvety and soothing. It felt relaxing talking to him.

- "What?"- I whispered and turned to look at him

- "Remember two things: you did what you had to do"- I sighed at that with a small smile. It didn't sound like something I could believe at that moment.

- "And the second?"

- "A lot of kids are alive and safe because of you"

Now, that made me feel a lot better. Reid was right. I did what I had to do to help people. That guy wasn't going to stop.

- "Thanks"- I managed to give him a slight smile, and he did the same.

- "I'm here to talk if you want to"

It felt like he was really making an effort to say those words. I didn't know why it was still so hard for him to talk to me. Maybe it was still a sensitive subject for him, so I did what I do best: I joked about it.

- "Thank you... I'll try to avoid the issue as much as I can, but when I collapse under the pressure, I promise I'll come to you"- he chuckled at my answer and nodded right away.

- "Great plan."

And a few days later, I couldn't sleep anymore. I kept waking up to those eyes. I kept feeling guilty for killing a child abuser who was trying to kill me. I relived in my mind that moment over and over again.

- "Babe, come back to bed"- Paul found me sitting by the kitchen island staring at a herbal teacup at two am. It was my third insomnia night.

- "Yeah, I'll be right there"- he turned to walk back to the room but hesitated and looked at me again.

- "Do you want to talk about it?"- I shook my head, still not taking my eyes from the cup. He slowly walked to me and held my hand - "Come on, babe, everything looks worse at two am."

And he was right. Everything seemed to be worse when it came to my mind in the middle of the night. But it didn't get any better during the day either. He cuddled with me in my bed and fell asleep soon after. I just stayed there, feeling his chest moving softly with his soft breathing, thinking I had killed someone, and it wasn't going to be the last time I was going to face something like this.

Spencer's point of you

Do you want to know something sad? I was excited we had an unsub in New York 'cos I had never been there. Back then, I didn't know my colleagues were going to tease me about it. I didn't give it too much thought. I honestly wasn't good at leaving my house when we weren't in a case. Most of my traveling had been due to work, and other than La Vegas and Pasadena, I hadn't been to many cities just to sightsee.

Why am I thinking about that right now? 'cos we were in New York the day (Y/N) gave me her first gift.

Everybody had made fun of me during dinner because I didn't know how to eat with chopsticks. JJ tried to teach me, which also caused hours of Morgan's teasing for the rest of the trip. Thankfully, they dropped the jokes when we went back to the police station to take one last look at the profile after we got a call out unsub had killed a cop this time.

But after two hours of thinking, neither of us was honestly able to give any new idea to the case. Hotch insisted we head back to the hotel to have some rest. (Y/N) was one of the last ones to leave, along with Gideon and me.

- "Stop looking at the board"- she said, standing by my side, bag in hand- "Let's go. Your big brain needs to rest."

- "I won't be able to sleep knowing I'm missing something"- I answered, not taking my eyes from the board

- "Come on"- (Y/N) playfully hit my arm- "You need your eight hours of sleep to be a fully functional genius"

- "You should try to get a full night's sleep as well"- I turned to her and watched her eyes widen- "What? Do you think I didn't notice you haven't been sleeping?"

- "No, but I thought you were going to wait until I had a mental breakdown to force me to talk about it; that was the plan, right?"

I tried not to laugh, but it was hard; she is so funny, though I knew that was a sensitive subject, it had been weeks since the incident, and it was clear (Y/N) wasn't processing everything right. If anything, her jokes were a coping mechanism to avoid talking or even thinking about what had happened.

- "We can also talk about it, just... talk"

- "I know what happens with me, Reid"- she whispered and looked around. Gideon was outside, no way near us, but still, she kept her voice low. It made me see she was scared he would hear her, 'cos she didn't want him to think she was weak.

- "I guess I just have to make peace with it. It was gonna happen, and it will happen again, it's my job, it's part of what I do, end of it."

I looked at her and nodded in silence. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't shake the thought she was going to laugh at me.

- "Do you want to?"- I made a pause and took a deep breath. Yes, I was very nervous- "Do you want to walk back to the hotel? it's just a few blocks and maybe... fresh air can help you relax?"

I didn't mean to hesitate so much, but it was scary for me to ask her to spend time on our own. I don't know why. It wasn't just with her; it happened with everybody at that point in my life. I was sure no one wanted to spend time with me. Why would they?

- "Can we have a midnight cupcake?"- she asked and smiled. I bit my lips and pretended to give the idea a lot of thinking, though I was craving donuts ever since we didn't have time for dessert at dinner.

- "Just one, and no coffee"

- "What are you? The sleeping police?"- she teased me and led the way. We waved at Gideon and walked outside the police station.

For a rainy night, it was freezing. But I didn't care much. I was too busy looking around, it was technically my first night out in New York, and though I was just leaving work and walking back to the hotel, it was the biggest adventure I have had there so far.

For the first couple of minutes, we walked in silence. (Y/N) looked at her feet, hands stuffed in her pocket as I walked next to her, holding my umbrella for the two of us. I tried to take in everything that was going on around us. It was exciting, being there, alone. I was a twenty-four-year-old Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and I was excited to walk with a friend in the New York city streets. No wonder why Morgan called me "kid."

- "Did you know more than 800 languages are spoken in New York City? that makes it the most linguistically diverse city in the world"- I had to start rambling facts after a while because I guess I couldn't help it.

- "Vraiment?"- she answered, and I chuckled. Of course, Master in Linguistics.

- "Oui"- I thought we could have a whole conversation in french; it would have been fun and fascinating, but my French was very rusty, and I didn't know if she was fluent or just learned a few things.

- "When I was a kid, I dreamt about living in New York. I was obsessed with it"- she kept looking down at her feet as she spoke, and I turned to look at her for a second. She looked sad somehow, or that's what I read from her. I've always done my best not to profile profilers. It's harder than you imagine.

- "Why?"- she chuckled at her thoughts and kept her eyes on her shoes.

- "You know how they always make you feel no matter how weird you might be, you are still going to fit in New York?"

- "You are not weird"- I couldn't help but frown and look at her- "You are..."

- "I am weird, we are all weird, that's what makes us great"

I loved that thought. That's why I've never forgotten it. Lie, I can't forget. I remember everything we've said to each other because I want to, not because I have an eidetic memory.

- "But when you are in school, everybody is trying to fit it and be normal, and that wasn't me at all..."

I didn't see that coming, and I have to admit it, I loved it. I often felt I was an outsider at the BAU. Hotch, Gideon, Morgan, Elle, JJ, they all fit in everywhere we'd go. Meanwhile, everybody looked at me, wondering what the hell am I doing there. I could read it on their faces. The fact the team had to introduce me as "Doctor Spencer Reid" is a sign they are making an effort to make me look older and more experienced. Reliable, even.

- "Why would you say you are weird?"- I had to ask- "You look very normal to me, I mean it"- she raised an eyebrow and didn't say a word. She just pulled my jacket and dragged me to a coffee shop.

- "Cupcakes, Reid, you can't expect me to tell you embarrassing facts about my life without a cup of coffee and a mountain of sugar."

JJ always said I ate like a kid, too many pastries and candy, no salad. Meanwhile, (Y/N) kept pushing sugar into my body. I liked that. They were both so different. JJ treated me like I didn't know how to deal with life. (Y/N) treated me like I could help her deal with life. JJ wanted to help me grow up. I could feel (Y/N) wanted to be my friend, and I loved that. I had never felt someone longing for my company. It was always the opposite. I usually felt people were stuck with me.

For months I kept comparing the two of them in my head. JJ had such condescending manners, it sometimes made me think she might actually have feelings for me. Other times, Morgan would call her my mom, which took all the hopes from my mind.

- "What do you do in your free time, Reid?"- (Y/N) sat in front of me in a booth. Right in between us, a table with two coffees, a red velvet cupcake, and a chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles.

- "I read, study..."- I didn't give much thought to my answers- "I also write a letter to my mom every day"

- "That's so cute"- I felt how my cheeks turned blood red, and she smiled at me sweetly.

- "Thanks..."- I sipped my hot cappuccino and winced as the coffee burned my tongue, and she chuckled.

- "Slowly, doc, or are you in a hurry?"

- "Definitely not, I have no other plan, I mean, I could sleep, but I know I won't, and, and I know you won't sleep either, so"- the words left my mouth at such a fast pace, not even I got them all. (Y/N) nodded and started taking apart her cupcake, little by little.

- "That's awesome, 'cos I like hanging out with you, and I don't feel like hanging out with Elle tonight. We are sharing rooms."

- "You don't like her?"- now that was breaking news- "I thought you two got along"

- "Don't get me wrong, I like her. I just don't feel like being the version of myself I am when I'm with her"

I looked at her, not sure of where she was going. She took a piece of cake and ate it slowly.

- "You lost me"- (Y/N) sighed and ran a finger around the edge of her cup.

- "Are you really you the whole time when you are at work, Reid?"

- "Well, yes?"- I wasn't sure that was the answer she wanted, but it was the only one I had- "I don't know how to be anybody else"

That was the whole truth. That's still the truth. Maybe that's why I have never been popular. People say I have no empathy, that I can't read any social cues. If I knew how to be someone else, I would probably try to change that and be a Spencer that's entirely sympathetic and social, like everybody else. But I can't force myself to act differently.

She stared at me, and I could feel the frustration piling behind her small smile.

- "Do you want to know something weird?"- her eyes shone as she stared into mines asking the question

- "Always"

- "You are the only person at the BAU I feel I can be myself with"- she whispered and sipped her coffee again.

- "Thanks?"- I was confused- "But... you are not that different with me than you are with the rest of the team"

- "Well, I am... I don't share who I really am at work because I am afraid"

- "Why? What scares you?"- she sighed and laid back on the seat. I kept my eyes fixated on her until she furrowed her brows, staring back at me

- "Are you trying to profile me, Spencer? 'cos we are not supposed to profile each other. I'm pretty sure it was in the contract I signed"- I smiled, busted, and nodded.

- "If it makes you feel any better, you are hard to read"

- "I'm a good liar, don't tell anyone"

She was proud of her answer, and I guess she should have been. You have to be an excellent liar to catch unsubs, get in their head, play with them when you have to make them talk. I guess she was ahead of me in that area.

- "Well, If it makes you feel better, I feel more comfortable around you than most of the team"

I closed my eyes as I spoke, and I knew my voice had been so low and soft, it hadn't been surprising if she hadn't been able to hear me, but she did.

- "Is it because I don't like touching people either?"- she joked, and a small smile stretched across my lips

- "It is because you"- I stopped and rearranged my thoughts. You could tell she was eager to hear the rest of my answer, and I was making sure not to make a fool out of myself.

- "It's because it feels you don't judge me for being me"

- "That's exactly how I feel, Spencer"- her smile was so big it made mine grow bigger as well.

- "But, why can't you be you with everybody?"- (Y/N) took a big bite of her cupcake, feeling more confident about our conversation and nodding.

- "Mmm, this is so damn good, you should try it, Reid"

- "Answer the question, (Y/N)"- I ignored her random comment and asked again- "Why can't you just be you?"

- "There are two answers to that question, and both of them are real"- she finally confessed and bit her lips, playing again with a little piece of cake on the dish.

- "I'm waiting"

- "You know, for someone who said has all the night off, you are indeed in a hurry now!"- she snickered and stuck out her tongue at me.

- "Fine, here's the truth: I don't want to share my whole real me at work because I am scared people will judge me and think I'm weird and too immature for the job, but at the same time, and this is the second reason, I don't wanna show my whole me at work 'cos I am afraid I'll lose it along the way, I am worried the FBI will take that weird part of me and will turn me into an SSA."

- "You are an S.S.A., (Y/N)"

- "I know, but I'm afraid I might end up being an ASS, Reid"

Her joke made me laugh so hard, tears fell down my cheeks. And she looked pleased to see me laughing.

- "See? That's me, the girl telling weird jokes the whole time 'cos can't stand a serious "grown-up" conversation. Can you imagine this (Y/N) talking with Hotch? Seriously, Reid, can you imagine?"

- "No, I can't"- I shook my head, still chuckling, and took a bit of my donut- "But I would definitely love to."

- "Do you want to know what I do in my free time?"- my mouth was still full, so I just nodded, feeling a little guilty I hadn't asked about her when she had asked about my hobbies.

- "I ride my longboard and play bass, do you think an SAA should be doing that? Do you think Elle does it? JJ? they are the perfect fit for the role. I am that kid at the back of the class who got a stroke of luck and managed to hang out with the cool kids"

- "Am I one of the cool kids?"- I had to ask

- "Yes, Reid, why?"

- "I've never been one of the cool kids before"- she gave me a severe look and sipped her coffee.

- "Here I am, pouring my heart and soul out for you, and all you care about is being one of the popular kids. That's being a lousy friend, Reid."

She was joking, and we both chuckled, but my chest tightened at her words, and the smile on my lips grew wider. She called me her friend for the first time that night.

- "I think you are overthinking this whole thing, (Y/N)"- she sighed at my words and finished her coffee- "We are all weird, you said it yourself"

- "Some on us more than other"

- "Yes, but that's what makes us great and unique. I told you, your vision brings a whole new point of view to the profiles, and I know what it's like to feel insecure people will judge you for being too young"

- "I know, that's why I'm glad you are here"

I am sure I was blushing, and I am absolutely certain she noticed because I heard her giggle as I looked down at my empty dish and fidgeted with my cup.

- "And... are"- I stuttered and narrowed my eyes. I knew I had to stop being so nervous around her; she was my friend, she had said it herself- "Are you ready to talk about your nightmares?"

- "Are you profiling I have nightmares?"- she raised an eyebrow and questioned my question

- "I am staring at the back rings under your eyes. It's clear you haven't been sleeping and considering we both know you went through a traumatic incident, to call it that way, you are clearly going through night terrors or nightmares"

- "Did you go through the same?"

- "Yes, I did"

- "And how did you overcome it?"

- "I haven't. I just made my peace with it"- you could read the deception on her face. That wasn't the answer she was waiting for.

- "They will be more sporadically, I promise, (Y/N)"

- "That's what's scares me too"

- "What?"

- "That one day I won't have the nightmares 'cos I'll be used to seeing the darkness and horror around me."

When we left the cafeteria, it was two in the morning, and the night was freezing. It was no longer raining, and the cold wind could freeze your skin in a second. (Y/N) looked at me as I shivered and opened her bag.

- "Here, put this on"- it was a purple scarf.

- "Thank you"- I was so cold I didn't hesitate. The wool was warm, soft, and it smelled like her- "It's pretty"- I felt I had to compliment it, 'cos she was too nice with me.

- "I made it myself"- you could tell she was proud. I tightened it around my neck and continued our way back to the hotel.

I hadn't felt I could count on someone at the FBI as I did with her. She wouldn't think I'm a kid; she wouldn't be forced to hang out with me. It felt pretty good to have a friend again. Ethan had been the last one I had lost. I always lose the people I love.

- "Thank you"- we were standing outside (Y/N)'s room back at the hotel. I took off the scarf and tried to give it back to her, but she didn't let me.

- "Keep, it's a present for being my first and best BAU friend"- I felt profoundly flattered, and I'm pretty sure I giggled, blushing- "Besides, purple looks good on you"

- "It's my favorite color"- I confessed- "And I'm not saying it just to make you feel good"

- "Then you have to keep it. It was made for you even when I didn't know it"- she smiled one more time and opened the door- "Good night, Reid."

- "Good night, (Y/N)."

----------

Series Masterlist

Chapter two

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#spencer reid #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #penelope garcia #jeniffer jareau #jason gideon #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x you #diwk

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ssahotchhner · 4 years

Text

don’t trust cops

Hi, I didn’t really proofread this so I’m sorry if there’s any mistakes! This is a oneshot, there won’t be any follow up. Basic synopsis is that Hotch suspects that the reader is in an abusive relationship.

pairing: hotch x reader

words: 5.2k

warnings: guns, intimate partner violence, verbal abuse, cursing

questions, comments, concerns

At first, there were little signs. Things Aaron brushed off as him always looking for the bad guy. You would show up to work with bruises on your arms or legs and claim you got them in the field. When you were watching an interrogation, if someone raised their voice you almost always flinched. The bags under your eyes had gotten darker, as if you weren’t sleeping. You were more attached to your phone than anyone could remember and refused all invites to come out after work.

“You asked for me?” You say one day in Hotch’s office.

He nods, “Sit, please.” He gestures to the seat in front of his desk.

“Have I done something wrong, sir?” You ask as you sit.

He quickly shakes his head, “Not at all, your work is more than satisfactory.”

“Okay,” You say slowly, “So… What can I do for you?”

“I’m worried about you, I just wanted to check in. Is there anything you’d like to tell me?”

You frown, “I’m… sorry, sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you?” He gestures to your collarbone where your shirt has slipped to reveal a fresh purple bruise, “You come in here everyday with new bruises. You check your phone consistently every thirty minutes and get hostile if anyone points it out to you. You flinch at loud noises, should I go on?”

While he was talking you had lowered your head to watch your hands, your thumbs fiddled with each other in your lap, “While I appreciate your concern, Hotch, I believe that my personal life is not your concern as long as it doesn’t affect my work.”

“Y/N, I just want to help, I can intervene if you are in danger--”

“If that’s all, sir, I’d like to get back to my desk, I have a lot of reports to finish.”

He stares at you for a moment more before sighing, “Of course.” He watches you leave his office, feeling useless. There wasn’t much he could do if you refused to be helped.

Soon after he called Morgan into his office, “What’s up, Hotch?”

“Morgan, I need you to keep an eye on Y/N.”

He frowns, “Is she okay?”

“I’m not sure. I… have suspicions that there’s domestic abuse going on at home, but she won’t let me help.”

Morgan immediately goes into protective mode, “Hotch, if there’s someone hurting her you can’t expect me not to show up at her door and beat his ass.”

“Believe me Morgan, I’d let you, but you could endanger her if she’s not ready to leave him. You know that.”

Morgan looks like he wants to slam his fist into something, “I knew something was off with her.”

“I think we all do…” Hotch trails off as his gaze is distracted by the bullpen, “What is that?”

“Looks like… a flower delivery.” Morgan says and sure enough, the delivery man places the humongous arrangement on Y/N’s desk. She smiles and the girls flock around her as she plucks the card from the middle of the bouquet.

“An apology,” Hotch says, his blood boiling, but his voice is neutral, “For the bruises he gave her last night.”

“And so the cycle shall continue,” Morgan scoffs.

“Morgan, do not bring it up to her. She will ice you out as I’m sure she plans on doing to me and we need to be able to keep a close eye on her, understood?”

Morgan bangs his fists on top of each other, but he nods, “Understood.”

Hotch watches him leave his office, his eyes glued to you, but you don’t notice. You’re smiling a bit, for now. Happy until he hurts you again.

Aaron does his best to stay focused on his work and not to think about you or monitor your every move, but it proves significantly difficult and so a few days after he talked to Morgan, he calls Garcia into his office.

“Do you need something, sir?”

“Close the door, please, Penelope.”

“Is something wrong?” Penelope frowns as she closes the door.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Hotch is more stressed than he’s been in a while, knowing you’re in danger and not being able to do anything about it has taken a significant toll on him.

“Sir?” Penelope asks, confusion evident in her voice.

“What I’m about to ask you to do stays between us, Morgan is the only other person who knows, understood?”

“Yes, of course. Hotch, you’re starting to scare me.”

He sighs, “I need you to dig into Y/N’s personal life and find whatever you can on a significant other.”

As expected, Garcia looks horrified, “Hotch, I can’t-- I can’t do that to a member of the team.”

“I understand what I’m asking of you, Garcia, but I promise it’s for her safety. I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”

Garcia frowns, “Is she okay?”

“I think she could be in danger, but she won’t let me help officially which is why I don’t want you telling anyone. If she finds out about this she’ll isolate herself further.”

“Okay,” Garcia’s nodding, “For her safety.”

“Let me know if you find anything.”

“Sir, what exactly am I looking for?”

He raises his eyebrows, “I don’t know. You’ll know it when you see it.”

Garcia gets up and nods to herself, “I hope you know what you’re doing, sir.”

“Me too.” Hotch says to himself as she leaves.

***

It was three weeks later and Garcia hadn’t found anything. She had found the boyfriend, but there was no history of previous arrests or anything that would tip them off that he could become violent.

“This is good news right, sir? Maybe you were wrong?” But Aaron is frowning at the file, “Sir?”

He shrugs, “All this means is that he hasn’t been caught which is exceptionally common with abusers. He’s also law enforcement and… Well, I’m sure you know the correlation between law enforcement and domestic abuse.” Garcia was looking at Aaron like she was about to have a panic attack, “But, you’re right. It could be nothing. Thank you.”

Garcia looks like she’s going to leave, but then she turns back, “Sir, if… If you’re not wrong…”

“I’ll make sure nothing happens to her, Garcia. I promise.”

Penelope seems reassured by that and leaves his office. Soon after, JJ comes in to let Hotch know there’s a case.

“Is everyone here?” Hotch asks.

“Everyone but Y/N. I’ve texted and called her, but no answer.”

Hotch nods, “Thanks, JJ.” He tries calling you himself, just in case, but you don’t pick up. He ignores the tick of frustration he feels. Why don’t you trust him? You had worked together for years, he could help you. He had treated you like the rest of the team, like family. If anything, he had maybe grown a bit fonder of you than anyone else on the team.

“Where’s Y/N?” Morgan demands when Hotch walks into the conference room.

“She’s not answering her phone, we can start without her.” He nods to JJ, ignoring Derek’s pointed look.

“Hotch, it’s time to tell the team, I’m not leaving DC without her.”

Prentiss frowns, “What’s going on?”

Hotch meets Morgan’s eyes, “She could just be away from her phone.”

“You know as well as I do she doesn’t miss work calls.”

“Can one of you explain what’s going on?” JJ asks.

Aaron sighs, “I have suspicions that Y/N is in a domestic abuse situation.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Reid asks.

“Because I was worried if she found out that everyone was watching her she would mention it to him and isolate her from us further. I told Morgan to keep an eye on her and I had Garcia look into her boyfriend.”

“Garcia, did you find anything?” Prentiss asks.

She shakes her head, “Nothing.”

Prentiss looks back at Hotch, “And you’re sure about this?”

He shrugs, “All of her behaviors point to it.”

“Then someone should at least go check on her.” JJ says.

They all stare at Hotch, expectant, and finally he sighs, “Fine. Prentiss and Morgan, you go check on her and meet us in Baltimore.” When Prentiss and Morgan head out, Hotch turns back to the rest of the team, “JJ, continue.”

***

The text from JJ about a new case woke you in the morning along with the knocking at your door. Stretching, you rolled out of bed, “Coming!” You called to the door.

When you opened it, your boyfriend stood at the door looking stressed and angry. The usual feelings of anxiety and fear immediately flooded you, “Andrew, what is it?”

“You can’t go to work today.”

You frown, “What?”

“Your FBI buddies, they’ve been looking into me, did you tell them about me?”

Suddenly he’s on you, backed against the wall and you feel like you’re choking, “No, no, I swear, they-- They saw the flowers you sent,” You swallow, “But that’s all I swear.”

He’s so close now you can feel his breath on you, “I don’t believe you.”

You immediately start crying, “Andrew, please, I swear--”

“Liar!” He backhands you and you taste blood. “What did I tell you about lying to me?”

“Baby, I promise,” You beg, “I promise I haven’t said anything. They’re expecting me, if I don’t show up they’ll--”

“They’ll what, huh? Call the cops? Is that a threat?”

“No.” You take a breath, trying to calm yourself down, “I just want you to know what’ll happen if you--”

“Well you should’ve thought of that before you told them shit about me!” He yells and you flinch. Immediately he goes for the vase of flowers he gave you a few days ago, swiping them off the table causing the glass to shatter near your feet, cutting into your ankles. You close your eyes and try not to react, thinking maybe that’ll calm him down.

“Andrew, I promise you I have not told them anything. They have no reason to look into you.” You say calmly, “And even if they did look into you they wouldn’t find anything, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Before you can even react, he’s punched you in the stomach, “Don’t talk to me like one of your unsubs, you stupid bitch,” He punches you again and you think you feel a rib crack, “You’ve always thought you’re better than me because you’re a fuckin’ fed.”

You can’t even respond because he’s knocked the wind out of you, your palms cut on the broken glass as you fall forward on the floor. “Can’t go to work like this now, can you?” Without waiting for a response, he storms out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Almost immediately you collapse into sobs, hyperventilating as you try to pull the glass out of your hands and feet. You’re in the bathroom trying to clean yourself up and see how much damage has been done to the rest of your body when you think you hear Derek’s voice calling your name. “Fuck.” If you don’t open that door you know Morgan will just kick it down. You hadn’t cleaned up the glass yet and you had to walk tentatively to avoid the pain in your rib.

Derek calls your name again. “I’m coming, I’m coming, don’t kick down the door.” You shout as you slowly make your way over.

When you open the door Emily is also there and you don’t even try to put on a show. There’s no point. You watch as they take in the broken glass and flowers lying on the floor, the blood on your mouth and the way you’re holding yourself to avoid pain in your ribs. “Did Hotch send you?”

“You didn’t answer anyone’s calls.” You can hear the shock in Emily’s voice.

You nod, “So being late results in uninvited visits with your guns out now? Must’ve missed that bit in the employee handbook.”

“He’s worried about you, we all are, and apparently with good reason.”

“I’m fine.” You say, and as if to demonstrate, grab a broom and start sweeping up the glass, “Brief me on the new case.”

Derek scoffs, “You’re crazy if you think you’re working on this case, you’re going to the hospital.”

“You can’t make me go to the hospital.”

“No, we can’t,” Emily says, “But you won’t be allowed in the field until you’re medically cleared--”

“My injuries are minor and weren’t obtained in the field. I’m allowed to work.”

“Hotch will bench you if you show up like this.”

“Then let him tell me that himself. Are you two just gonna stand there or are you going to help me clean up?”

Derek shares a look with Prentiss who shrugs and helps you clean up. For the most part they don’t say anything, but you can tell Derek is quietly stewing in his anger.

“If you want to say something to me then say it.” You’re in the bathroom now and he’s trying to help you pull all the glass out of your skin.

“I’m just trying to understand why an FBI profiler would put up with this kind of treatment.”

“It’s not always like this.”

“His violence is escalating, it was only bruises before this,” He gently touches your rib to confirm it’s broken, “It’s only a matter of time before he kills you.”

You look away from him, “Hotch asked Garcia to look into him, didn’t he?”

Morgan sighs, “She didn’t find anything.”

“Well whatever she did must’ve notified his precinct that the FBI was looking into him because that’s why he came here this morning.”

Emily frowns, “Garcia’s more careful than that, she would know that that would put you in danger.”

You shrug, “Well, I don’t know what to tell you, he knew somehow that you guys were looking into him.”

Morgan is staring at nothing, his head lowered, “Derek, what is it?” Emily asks. You think you already know before he says anything.

“I… may have been following him on my free time. Sometimes I park outside of here and watch your window just to make sure you’re still alive when he leaves.”

You push past Morgan, too furious with him to even feel the pain in your ribs, “You had no right, none of you had any right.”

“This team is a family, we look out for each other.”

You’re pulling on a blazer and a pair of black boots, “If you two don’t take me to the crime scene right now, so help me God.”

They both look at you hopelessly, “Fine,” Emily says, “Let Hotch deal with you.”

***

The cuts in your feet along with your most likely broken rib make you a sorry sight as you have to limp into the Baltimore police station. The look on Hotch’s face when he sees you almost falters your rage, just for a moment.

“You made them look into Andrew after I told you I was fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” He looks to Morgan and Prentiss, “Why isn’t she at a hospital?”

“She insisted on coming here and working on this case.”

“You’re not working this case until you get checked out by a doctor.”

You lower your voice, “If I go to a doctor and get these injuries documented, you know what they’ll ask me.”

“Yes, I do. In fact, I’m counting on it.”

“You know what he’ll do if he finds out I’ve gotten medical attention.”

“You’ll be protected.”

“What if I don’t want to be protected? I love him.”

He watches you for a few more moments, “Prentiss, take her to the hospital.”

Prentiss lightly touches your shoulder and guides you out of the precinct and you glare Hotch down the entire way out. “She won’t forgive you for this.” Derek says, now at Hotch’s side.

“Maybe not, but at least she’ll be alive.” Hotch turns his full attention back to Morgan as Prentiss drives you away, “What did he do to her?”

Morgan sighs, “Looked like he hit her in the face, she was bleeding from her mouth. She had glass all in her hands and feet from a shattered vase and I think he may have broken her rib.”

“So he’s escalated.”

“Yeah, because he figured out I was tailing her.”

“Morgan, this is not your fault, I asked you to keep an eye on her. And besides, he would’ve just found another excuse.”

“So what do we do? DC police isn’t about to let us arrest him.”

“We hope that she lets us protect her and that he’ll come to us.”

Derek stares at Hotch for a second before it clicks, “You want him to come get her at our headquarters.”

“At a minimum he’ll be arrested for threatening a federal officer while she’s on duty. It’s the only way we’ll get him.”

“You’re comfortable using her as bait like that?”

“Derek, the alternative is him finding a way into her apartment and killing her before we get there, do you think that’s a better idea?”

Morgan sighs and simply walks away.

***

“I know what you guys think of me.” You say to Emily as she had been carefully avoiding meeting your eyes. You were in an emergency room, waiting to be called, “That I’m stupid for staying.”

Emily’s shaking her head, “No one thinks that. We’re just trying to understand why someone as smart as you, who has all the resources to get out as a federal agent, wouldn’t get out.”

“Come on, Emily, I’m a profiler too, all you guys had to do was check into my past to see why that is. Don’t tell me no one’s done that yet.”

“No one has done that because you’re not an unsub, you’re our family. Why else do you think I’m here with you right now and not working a case?”

You sniff and rub at your nose, “He’s not a bad person, he’s trying.” Emily won’t meet your eyes again. “He promised me he’d go to anger management.”

“How long ago was that?” Emily asks with a knowing look.

You take a shaky breath, “I won’t let you guys arrest him.”

“If he comes near you again we won’t need your permission.”

***

After your visit to the hospital, Hotch ordered at least two FBI agents to stake out your apartment every single day, 24 hours a day. You talked to Andrew on the phone, but you were firm that it was over this time, if only to save your career and your reputation.

He was angry, more angry than you think he’d ever been. He threatened you, threatened your team, accused you of cheating until you were forced to block his number. You didn’t tell the team about this. Didn’t tell them about the threatening gifts he left for you at work. Maybe if you had, things wouldn’t have been so terrible when Andrew showed up.

You didn’t know he was in the elevator with you until the doors had already closed and his arm easily wraps around your neck, his other hand pushing the barrel of his gun into your head.

“Hey baby, did you miss me?” You don’t react.

“You’re about to walk into a bullpen with at least twenty armed federal agents, you won’t leave here alive.”

“I don’t intend to leave alive, I want them to watch me kill you. Sucks I have to do it with a gun, I would’ve liked to see the light drain slowly from your eyes.”

The elevator lights are ticking closer and closer to the floor your unit is on. “Andrew, I don’t want you to die. Don’t you love me?”

“You know I do!” His emotion finally shows, “You left me!”

“I know baby, and I’m sorry.” The elevator doors are opening, “Just put down the gun and we can talk about it, otherwise I can’t promise you’ll ever see me again.” Tears were threatening to spill over as you knew you were about to watch the man you loved get murdered by your friends.

“If I can’t have you,” He says shakily, marching you out of the elevator. Nobody’s noticed yet, “Nobody can.”

When he walks into the bullpen with you, at first your friends don’t notice, laughing about something circled around Reid’s desk. Penelope is the first to notice and her face drops, “Oh God.”

Then Morgan looks up. “Hotch!” He yells and then suddenly there’s about fifteen guns trained on Andrew.

“Please don’t hurt him.” You say shakily.

“Yeah, where is Agent Hotchner, huh? I’d like to talk to him about my girlfriend.”

You think maybe you can calm him down, “Andrew--”

“Shut up!” He screams at you, pushing the gun harder into your temple.

Aaron takes his time coming out of his office, no gun as he comes down the steps and enters the bullpen, “Why are you asking for me, Andrew, aren’t you going to kill her?”

“I wanted you to see.” Andrew says through his teeth.

“Why me?” He looks around him, “You have quite an audience already.”

Andrew starts laughing, “Why don’t you tell him, baby? Tell him why I want him to see.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Liar!” He screams, “Why are you always lying to me? You think I don’t know what happened between you two? All those late weekends babysitting for Agent Hotchner.”

“It’s true sometimes Y/N comes to play with Jack if I have a lot of paperwork to do on the weekends, but only because Jack really likes her. But you put a stop to that, didn’t you? She hasn’t seen Jack in months.”

Andrew starts maniacally laughing, “You must all think I’m stupid. You’ve been fucking my girlfriend Agent Hotchner!” He finally removes the gun from your head and points it at Aaron, “Maybe I’ll kill you instead.”

“Andrew, don’t.” You hear the sound of safeties releasing.

“Okay Andrew, you win, I’ll tell you the truth.” You still in Andrew’s hold at Hotch’s words, “Y/N and I have been having an affair for months now.”

“Hotch.” You warn, but he goes on.

“She’s beautiful, young, intelligent,” He looks at you pointedly, “Incredible at her job. What’s not to love?”

You know what he’s doing, but you don’t want to do it. You shake your head, crying in earnest now, “Hotch, please.”

“I knew it! You son of a bitch!”

“Andrew, you have no one to blame but yourself. A low ranking DC cop, barely competent, you failed out of college.”

“Shut up!” Andrew says. You’re trying to steady your breathing as Hotch speaks.

“Meanwhile, your girlfriend graduated top of her class with an accelerated masters in criminal psychology, was recruited straight out of the FBI academy to join the BAU, the bureau’s most elite unit. Why would she want you? Especially when she could have me.”

“You better shut your mouth, man.”

“I have dozens of years of experience on you. I have a law degree. I hold several accolades from being in the BAU for so long, and of course, I’m the unit chief. But, hold on, I almost forgot. A real man knows how to satisfy a woman in bed, Andrew, but you’ve never been able to get your own girlfriend to orgasm, isn’t that right?”

Andrew is shaking his head ferociously and you know Hotch is about to deliver the final blow. Your signal. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Except I do know, Andrew. And I can’t count the number of times I’ve made your girlfriend orgasm in my bed, all while moaning my name.”

“You stupid motherfucker!” Andrew yells and you spin in his arms. You move to grab the gun, your hand on it, but you’re not able to disarm him before the gun fires. At the very least, you’ve fucked up his aim and now you have his gun pointed at him, tears dried to your cheeks. Hotch knew Andrew’s fatal error had always been underestimating you. All the things Hotch had said were true. You outranked him, you were smarter than him, and you had more training than him. He was just as much talking to you just then as he was talking to Andrew, reminding you of your worth. Hotch knew that you would be able to disarm him easily if he was riled and distracted enough, but Andrew had never seen you as the threat you were until now as you have his gun pointed at his chest.

As soon as someone had cuffed Andrew, you dropped the gun, hands shaking and spun to see Hotch on the ground, blood on the floor, “Oh God.”

“I’m fine,” He winces, “It just clipped my shoulder. I knew you’d be able to get the gun away from him.”

You collapse on the floor next to him, “I’m sorry I haven’t been by to see Jack in a while,” You say, tears falling down your cheeks again, “I really miss him.”

“Out of everything I just lied about in front of this entire bureau, that’s what you’re upset about?”

You nod, “I know he asks for me, it broke my heart when you stopped texting me the videos.”

Hotch nearly laughs, “I’ll send you some more as soon as I can.”

“How did you know?” You lower your voice, “About our sex life?”

“I didn’t.” He shrugs, “It was a guess.”

“Based on what?”

“You want to do this now?” Medics had arrived now and were looking at Hotch’s shoulder.

“Yes.”

He sighs, “All of his insecurities were focused on me from the second he walked in here. He couldn’t stand that he was subservient to you which would make trying to pleasure you in bed even harder for him. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that not only were you not equals, you were superior to him. I, on the other hand, outrank you. His biggest fear was that the only man who would ever be able to satisfy you was someone more dominant than you. I just played on that fear.”

You nod slowly, the medics are telling you they need to bring him to the hospital, “Thanks for making sure no one died in here.” You say finally and start backing away from him.

“You asked us not to hurt him.”

You sigh, “I know, but, still. Thank you.”

He offers you a small smile before the paramedics take him away, Penelope immediately rushing over to crush you into a hug, the rest of your team joining in. You had taken them for granted, punished them for caring about you. You wouldn’t let that happen again.

***

“Man, Jack, you beat me again!” You laugh and set down the Wii remote, the sounds of Mario Kart filling the room.

“Only because you let me.” He says with a grin.

“No, I would never do that!”

“I’ve watched you play with Daddy, I know you’re better than me.”

You giggle and ruffle his hair, “Or Daddy is a lot worse than you think he is.”

There’s a knock at Jack’s bedroom door and Aaron walks in wearing jeans and a t-shirt, an outfit you rarely saw him in, “Dinner’s ready, go wash your hands, bud.” He announces and Jack immediately runs past.

“I should be going then, it was nice hanging out with him again.”

Aaron frowns, “Nonsense, stay for dinner.”

“Hotch, I couldn’t--”

“Please, stay. I made more than enough and there’s a bottle of wine I’ll need help finishing.”

You smile, “Okay.”

The dinner was full of laughs and Jack recounting all of his epic wins on Mario Kart before he finally started yawning. There was still a half a bottle of wine left when Hotch finished tucking in Jack.

“Thanks for dinner, Hotch, I really appreciate it.” You stand to put on your coat.

“I thought I asked you to help me finish this bottle.”

You laugh, “You really want me to stay?”

“I thought you would’ve figured out by now that Jack is just a ruse to get you to hang out with me.” He smirks and you roll your eyes and sit down again. “How are you doing?” He asks while he refills your wine glass.

You shrug and avoid meeting his eyes, “Fine.” You look up to see him staring at you, a knowing look on his face, “I’m serious, I’m fine. I actually think I owe you an apology.”

He frowns, “For what?”

“For shutting you out when you were just trying to help me.”

He shakes his head, “You were in love, I can’t blame you for that.”

You swallow, and maybe it’s the wine that makes you brave, but you finally ask the question you’d been thinking about since the day Hotch had gotten shot, “When you were talking to Andrew, lying about us having an affair… Did you profile me for any of that?”

He pauses, “I don’t think I understand what you’re asking.”

You sigh, “You said that someone like me would want a dominant man, someone who outranked me. Was that a lie or part of a profile?”

He watches you carefully, “You know as well as I do that all aspects of a profile won’t be correct, it’s just a guide.”

“But that’s what you think I would want from what you’ve observed.”

“Why are you asking me this?”

You gaze at him, mouth slightly parted, “You really don’t know?” He’s still staring at you so finally you sigh, turning your attention to the wine that you swirl around in its glass, “When I first started at the BAU I had a ginormous crush on you.”

He chuckles, “Really?”

You nod, allowing him a small smile, “Yep. It was very embarrassing.” You shake your head, “And then I met Andrew and…” You shrug, “Well, you know the rest.”

“And what about now?”

You look up at him and he’s looking at you so intently, concern written all over his face. And maybe a little bit of something else, too. “I’m not sure it ever fully went away.” You say softly.

He leans forward in his seat and gently picks up one of your hands, holding it in both of his, “I would be so incredibly lucky to love someone like you. I meant everything I said about you in the bullpen.”

You’re not sure you’re breathing, “You mean that?”

He searches your face, “Let me show you.” He says softly and then tips his face into yours. His lips brush yours tentatively, gauging your reaction. He’s nervous, you realize, which feels absolutely absurd to you. You carefully bring a hand up to his cheek, stroking your thumb along his skin before deepening the kiss.

You feel his sigh of relief when you kiss him back. The kiss lasts for a few seconds before Aaron pulls away just an inch, “Would you like to stay the night?”

His voice is husky and deep and the beat of your heart quickens. “Yeah, I’d like that.” You say breathlessly.

And he smiles that rare smile and guides you up the stairs.

#mine #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner fanfic #hotch x reader #hotch fluff #hotch angst #hotch smut

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notmrskennedy · 4 years

Text

Noticed

Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

A/N - Howdy! Here’s another little something from my drafts. It’s a draft and a half again so be gentle with it. Also, I’m touch averse and I would be so happy to find someone I wasn’t upset with touching. But c’est la vie! I hope y’all enjoy!

Summary - The touch averse agent starts getting touchy....

W/C - 2.5k

Warnings - none I think, but lmk if there is something

-------------

If Morgan was being honest with himself, he thought you were dying. Or maybe ill. Or so feverish you’d abandoned every single principle you had. Because he’d been there that first day of yours, waltzing up from the coffee machine to see you nervously trailing behind Hotch. It was painful to watch, he remembers, so terribly nervous you’d envy the kid on one of his bad days.

He had smiled at you and stirred his coffee and remained optimistic that someone so obviously terrified would be a decent field agent. (You’d been decent and then some, especially in an interrogation room). There’d been one non-committal wave—distinctly reminiscent of a certain genius—and the first full sentence of, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t do the touching thing. Handshakes included.”

Every little touch plagues you. You’re six inches away at all times, lest someone accidentally bump into you or get the wrong idea that you might be willing to brush shoulders. There’s no friendly pats. No high fives. Certainly no hugs. Garcia is furious in her attempt to loosen you up—to no avail—but Morgan knows better than to push. Something makes you hate skin to skin contact and he’s not looking to share trauma stories with you. Not yet.

So this, Morgan thinks as he wanders into the bullpen while stirring his coffee, is a sign that you’ve lost your mind.

He watches as you carefully extend one palm to one Dr. Spencer Reid. Perched on the edge of his desk, you’re a regular fixture, just another cute figurine to add to the collection. It’s the end to some wild discussion he could hear in the kitchenette, full of flailing limbs and butchered sentences. Everyone always thought it was cute, if you stripped away how irritating it could be.

This is the point where you two are caught up in whatever moment you’re having, so much so that you extend an upturned palm between the two of you. Reid threads his hands through his hair, stunned at your peace offering. Or maybe an offering of something more than friendship. Morgan assumes its something more; not only because you have the softest grin he’s ever seen, but because your fingers are practically begging the kid to hold your hand.

Reid’s careful in how he asks his question—Morgan doesn’t know what it is, but he can just tell. The wide eyes. The scared contemplation. The are you sure parting the kid’s lips.

Grinning and blushing, you just wiggle your fingers. Murmur something that Morgan isn’t allowed to hear. Something only for Spencer. There’s surprise before he grips onto your hand, wriggling all ten combined fingers together. You giggle as you spin him around in his desk chair and get tangled up.

Dropped jaw and grinning, Morgan can’t believe you, so touch averse you, are willing engaging in such risky behaviour. There’s a weird few moments when he wants to remind both of you to wear protection in such endeavours.

And as he’s wondering if hands need condoms, the two of you let go and move on like nothing’s happened. You go back to punctuating your points with your flailing hands. Spencer goes back to distracting from his blush with paperwork.

Morgan goes to get more coffee, trying to stop imaging that you two were his kids, growing up without his consent. And maybe also the hand condoms.

It’s shortly after JJ’s wedding—about midnight as the cleaning crew are picking up the straggling drunks—both Hotch and Rossi notice. They’re leaned up against the bar, each smoking a cigar, watching a slightly tipsy you teach an awkwardly sober Spencer Reid how to swing dance.

It’s no secret that you and Reid get on like a house on fire, two nerds that couldn’t shut up about whatever weird ass shit was on your brains. Rossi never made much move to care. Hotch was too stressed to think about what the pair of you did off company time. Everyone, them included, imagined that what time you did spend together was three feet apart. In museums. Wherever. No one questioned what kind of weird nerd shit you did, especially stuff that they couldn’t really be bothered to care about.

Now, they’re forced to carefully consider the implications of how touchy you’re getting. With Reid.

He’s even more gangly and uncoordinated than normal, as Hotch and Rossi watch on, getting thrown around like a rag doll. It’s kind of adorable, Rossi thinks and shares a well meaning look with Hotch. The two of you would be cute and he’s hoping that you do get together. Rossi always knows about these things, even if Hotch is positive that you two are just friends. And as two professional gentlemen do, they made a bet.

Twenty bucks.

Your laugh—one that no one gets tired of hearing—echoes around Rossi’s whole yard, even into his house. Reid’s voice is about two octaves too high as you spin him around on his wobbly feet. You go from three feet apart to chest to chest and back again. Rossi remembers high school dances vaguely and Hotch absently thinks about Hayley’s old infatuation with Grease.

Rossi takes another long drag from his cigar, grateful for the indisputable proof that you two are shacking up. There is no way that two people so touch averse could be touching this much without prior exposure. The yard is a ruckus of both of your laughters, year after year of awkwardness falling off you both in sheets. They’re no denying you two shut in nerds are finally having some fun.

It’s warming both Hotch and Rossi’s hearts.

And their bet.

Penelope notices next. Who knew that such a simple interaction could leave her speechless? Stammering and stuttering over not even a full minute of insanity.

She didn’t know how she’d gotten sick, or what she’d come down with, but the only thing that was keeping her in her work chair was you. And the endless buckets of soup that you kept pouring down her throat. Without a case—thank god—for the last couple days, all that you’ve done is sit in the bat cave, keeping her and her soup warm.

It’s as you are finishing some corny ass joke that she thinks how sweet you are. How loving. Penelope’s love language has always been touch—she’s given too many hugs to count—but it’s taken her a minute to figure out yours. And as she stares into the chicken soup in her hands, she realises that it’s everything you do for her. Your love is literally palpable.

It’s in the bright keychains you bring back. Or the crazy pens. Or the way you always drive her home after drinking.

As she’s opening her mouth to tell you, tell you just how much she appreciates everything, when Reid pops his head in, whole body following. He’s got too much of a grin this early. But when he’s far enough into the room, he spreads his fingers out over your shoulder and squeezes. Says something about a case and you follow behind him with a wave of your hand at Penelope. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Like Penelope hasn’t been the one furiously trying to break you out of your shell. The predetermined first to get a hug in the office.

You’re still up and still waving and by the time she’s got her wits about her, she’s asking, “You let Reid touch you?”

The empty room and the closing door don’t answer.

JJ is nearly the last to find out. Well, your little touching relationship with Spencer has been the only topic of gossip between anyone for the last six weeks. They can’t believe they hadn’t picked up on the little bits of affection passed between the two of you.

Hand touches. Shoulder squeezes. Quick brushes. The mystical hug Morgan claims he once saw.

For the rest of the world, you and Spencer were nothing but friendly. Maybe even best friendly. To the team of highly trained profilers who had been friends with the pair of you for a combined 15 years, this was marriage material. This was you and Spencer screaming the pair of you had eloped.

You two crazy kids had to be together, but the team was left to sussing it out for themselves. Neither of you two would ever say anything, never give anything up. But surely, the three of them—using Penelope would be cheating of course—could figure out when you two had started up. Because you had to have. There was no way all of this was just friendly.

And it isn’t. That much is clear when JJ gets a phone call from you while she’s looking a crime scene over for what feels like the gazillionth time. Some un-sub with the usual cocktail of daddy issues, anger issues, and a healthy dose of narcissism.

It’s rare you call anyone without good reason. You aren’t the type to just chat—everyone has speculated you got enough of that from Spencer. And once JJ says hello, you start bawling.

You’re sobbing and JJ has no idea what to do.

“Y/n, y/n,” she tries, hoping you’ll calm down enough to breathe properly. “You have to tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s—it’s Spencer,” you hiccup. JJ can hear you sniffling into your sleeves. Can hear the blinkers go as you change lanes. “He’s not answering—not answering his phone. And he said he’d—that he’d call, but he hasn’t. And JJ something’s wrong.”

By the way your breath hitches and your sobs crackle into the phone, JJ knows exactly how bad it has to be. Spencer, however, is supposed to be following up a lead with Emily. Some paint huffer in his mom’s garage—nothing more than a routine witness report. She almost can’t believe something would go wrong.

“What happened? Where are you?”

“JJ,” you sniffle before the flood gates open again, “I can just feel it. Something’s wrong.”

JJ’s mind scrambles. As much as you played it off, you had a sixth sense. Every time, every countable time, someone got hurt, you knew before it happened. You had a gut for these things and JJ didn’t want to think about how bad this was going to be. How bloody. So she scrambles for her car and doesn’t wait for the other detectives to figure it out.

JJ’s halfway to the witness’s house when you make it there yourself. You’re still on the phone, doing a horrible attempt at trying to keep each other calm. You’ve traded the sobs for hiccups, thankfully. JJ can hear you climbing the porch stairs. She’s taking corners at 65 miles an hour.

Nothing seems fast enough when JJ hears the phone clatter to the floor and the shout of “oh my god, Spencer!”

Nothing is fast enough when you’re sobbing out, “You can’t die on me like this.”

Nothing is fast enough when JJ quietly but distinctly hears, “I love you too much for you to fucking die, Spencer Reid.”

Spencer Reid always thinks he’s the last to find out. He’s blunt and oblivious and thinks too much to just see what’s in front of his face. He was so sure they had all seen how in love he was, just how desperately he was clinging to the hope they wouldn’t notice. If they didn’t notice, you wouldn’t. Not while wearing the same sort of blinders he wore.

But once everything had come out? He was positive everyone else had known. That he’d come into work one morning and there would be a cake engraved with the words, “Congrats on Shacking Up!”

It never happened. No cake. No lights. No surprises. No one seemed to know or notice or anything. Spencer and you went on like nothing had changed—it really hadn’t anyway. He liked to laugh when you told him the two of you had been practically dating since the first time he’d offered to take you to a Korean film festival.

Two years later and he’s become very aware of you. And also the ache. All of the very dull and consistent ache in his body. Another scar to add to the collection, he bitterly thinks, out of anaesthesia enough to know that he’s in a hospital. That he’s been hurt. That someone’s holding his hand.

It’s calloused and soft and just perfectly latched onto his. A hand he’d waited to hold for too long. One that he’d be holding for the rest of his life.

Attached to the hand is you, sleeping haphazardly between his bed and a plastic chair. Your fingers are tangled in his, head rested on the crook of your arm and the bed. There’s too much of you curled up in a chair. It’s one of his favourite bits about you, just how dedicated you could be. How you were always there when he woke up and always would be.

He smiles and chuckles despite the pain in his ribs. You wake with a start, one startled gasp followed by a shuddery exhale as you realise again where you are. That nothing’s changed. That everything’s changed.

Through lidded eyes, he watches your eyes light up, matching you grin for grin. He watches the anger flash across your face for not even a second, and he knows exactly how bad you want to murder him for scaring you so bad.

Instead, you press frantic kisses to the back of his knuckles, message fully received. You missed him. You’d been terrified. You’d cried so hard, he can still feel the salt on your lips.

“Spencer,” you breathe, giving his hand one more kiss for good measure and pressing his knuckles to your cheek. “God, I’m so glad you’re alive.”

“I’m alive, y/n, I promise,” he whispers back. Hoarse and adorably okay. It’s one thing to expect to get shot going after un-subs. It’s another to get attacked by a PCP addled grandmother.

He wiggles a finger against your cheek. Even though he can’t see your red rimmed eyes or the dark tear tracts on your cheeks, he can feel the tear that pools on his finger. But before he can reassure you one more time, you shush him and tell him to get some sleep and that you’ll both worry about this later. Maybe over jell-o.

He grins.

The team, visiting the next morning, doesn’t have the heart to wake up either of you. Reid looks happy for the first time in—years—with you carefully curled into his side. Sure, there’s a scratchy hospital gown and some pesky lines overriding everything, but it’s cute. No denying that. Thank god you two knuckleheads are finally being open about it. Even if you’re sleeping.

Emily smiles to herself as she readjusts her sling. Morgan and JJ are trading exclamations of shock, while Hotch passes Rossi twenty dollars. You readjust and Reid’s arm moves to rest across your cheek. JJ isn’t subtle when she takes a photo, sniggering.

Emily is even less subtle when she snorts. “I guess I can finally let the cat out of the bag.”

Everyone perks up; she swears she sees Reid open an eye.

“Nearly six months ago, y/n drunkenly confessed to dating Reid. She’s a real wild card on tequila, let me tell you.”

“You knew?” Morgan screeches, “and you didn’t say anything?”

Emily shrugs, winces with her busted up shoulder. “Does it matter? Didn’t we all know?”

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #Criminal Minds #mgg #mgg fluff #fluff

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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 4 years

Text

For the Sake of Science

summary: spencer finds himself thinking...like a scientist. he thinks about to the first time fell in love, but ended up scarred. he think’s he’s in love, but he first needs to carry out an experiment for the sake of science.

pairing: spencer reid x fem reader

author’s note: i really hate writing summaries because it’s so hard to capture everything in one-two sentences.

warning: spencer’s internal thoughts are a lot; vague sexual harassments

For the Sake of Science

Spencer Reid thinks that there must be something wrong with him. He’s nearly 30 years old and still can’t shake someone’s hand or welcome one of Penelope’s hugs. He knows he’s different, but this — this makes him feel like a freak.

Maybe it was his childhood? Maybe because his mom couldn’t hold him or cuddle with him the recommended amount to develop secure attachment, he became touch averse. Maybe it’s because his dad left and he felt even more lonely with just his mom that the idea of being touched started to scare him. Or maybe it was the bullies — being stripped naked and mocked will do that to a kid, he thinks to himself. Or it could be even that he didn’t get his first kiss until he was 20 and the kisser being a boy, Ethan, threw a wrench in Spencer’s dreams of having someone who wanted to hold his hand in public or kiss him in the corridor and not care that people were looking.

Spencer is a product of his environment. As a psychologist he tells himself that a healthy mix of parent issues, childhood torment, and being left by the first person he really loved would cause anyone to be insecure in physical relationships.

But something has changed. He wants to hold someone's hand, and it doesn’t fill him with anxiety at thought. It doesn’t make him think of Ethan leaving him. It makes him feel light and floaty -- happy. Ever the scientist, Spencer decides to carry out an experiment on touch. And the subject of his experiment, Y/N, sits a couple feet away from him.

Spencer couldn’t really pinpoint when he started feeling differently about Y/N. Maybe it was when he noticed when her grapefruit perfume changed to cinnamon and something warm. Maybe it was when he noticed that she got really quiet on cases that dealt with family annihilators and the lines on her face would seem a little deeper. Maybe it was when he realized that her touch was much different than JJ’s or Penelope’s. Her touch was a lingering sting that left him craving more. It was like she picked up the pen Ethan left and dipped it into ink to trace the scars of heartbreak on Spencer’s canvas.

Her touch left him wanting more, needing more. Derek would tell him to ask her out. Take her to the movies and try to kiss her. But Spencer isn’t Derek Morgan, he’s Spencer Reid and hopefully that’s enough for Y/N.

________________________________________________________________

Spencer decides to carry out his experiment in the small kitchen that BAU shared with Sex Crimes. Like clockwork, Y/N walks from her desk to the kitchen at 9:34 to get a second cup of hot tea. She reaches up to the shelf to grab her cup that, much to Spencer’s delight, shared a spot next to his mug. He likes to look at the two mugs sitting next to each other and pretend that they aren’t shelved away in a small communal kitchen with a crappy coffee maker, but in their house, in their kitchen.

He checks his watch at 9:31 and heads into the kitchen. Spencer stands there waiting for his coffee to brew, and an eye watching out for when Y/N would walk through to the kitchen. He almost feels bad for hiding her step stool. Almost, but if it means he’d be able to carry his plan out , he’d be able to forgive himself.

“Hey, Spence. Isn’t that like your third cup in an hour?” Y/N says to him, smiling brightly. He moves the mug just slightly out of Y/N’s view.

“Uh-” Spencer starts. “I, well you know me! I love coffee.” Spencer says nervously.

Y/N looks at him, still smiling brightly. Spencer gives himself the benefit of the doubt, telling himself that she could be smiling at him, or even better because of him.

“You need all that caffeine to stimulate that genius brain of yours, Dr. Reid.” She says in a tone that Spencer could not decipher.

He feels his face flush and warm at her using her honorific. Spencer reminded himself of his goal, to figure out if he really does love Y/N. Part of him knows the answer, and the other part of him is too scared to get left in the dust again.

“Huh, that’s strange, where is the stool?” She says aloud, turning around to check the side of the cabinet for stool.

Spencer, whose plan was panning out flawlessly, took the opportunity to reach on the highest self for his mug. It was a plain looking mug, dark blue with his name labelled on the bottom, altering anyone that it was off limits. Until now.

He hands the mug to her in such a way that his finger tips would brush hers. Y/N’s surprised look melted into a pleased smile. Spencer does not want to let go of the mug, maybe it was a slight hesitation at the germs, or maybe it was him just wanting to keep her close for even a couple more seconds.

“I think you grabbed the wrong mug, Spencer” She says, handing him the mug back to its rightful owner.

“Hm, I don’t seem to see your’s Y/N. I guess maybe it-I don’t know” He says dumbly, this is the part of the plan that he was still a little unsure about -- talking to her. He turns, so his back is leaned up against the edge of the counter, so he hid her mug out of view.

“You don’t mind me using your mug, Spencer? Here I thought you wouldn’t shake my hand or even hug me?” She says with an amused tone in her expression.

The only reason Spencer hasn’t tried to hold her hand or hug her is because he knows he’ll never want to let go. He’d be left again - cold and alone.

“Germs don’t seem to be bothering me that much, Y/N” Spencer remarks.

“Hmm maybe it’s something about turning 30? Like you lose your germaphobia and start losing your hair?” She teases.

And then the unexpected happened. Y/N reaches up and ruffles Spencer’s hair. Her fingertips graze his scalp and Spencer forgets how to breathe. He wants to lean down into the touch and fully appreciate her attention.

“You know my birthday is coming up?” He asks. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, or maybe in some way Y/N remembers his birthday. Even though Spencer couldn’t forget her birthday if he tried, the idea of her purposefully remembering his birthday is something that gave him those butterflies.

“How could I forget the day that my favorite person was born?”

“I’m your favorite person?” Spencer speaks. He could feel his cheeks heat as she looked at him like what she just said didn’t just nearly kill him.

“Spencer, I’m pretty sure you are everyone’s favorite person. And well, only because Motel and Tzeitel are cats” She says with a wink, walking away with her hot cup of tea that Spencer didn’t even realize she brewed as he stood there.

He’s her favorite person. Her favorite person. Maybe this is going better than he expected. Maybe Spencer, a man of science, a man whose heart had been shattered one too many times would let himself have an ounce of faith. After all, he’s his favorite person’s favorite person.

“Hey Y/N!” Derek calls as the team walked back into the bullpen, all very tired from the case. Y/N, who was ahead of Derek, but right behind Spencer and JJ, turned to answer her friend.

“Whatcha going to do with Detective Dreamy’s phone number?” He asks, with a suggestive nudge.

Spencer stopped his walk back to his desk. His bag bounced against his leg, he tried to focus on how many times his watch ticked, he tried his hardest to ignore this conversation happening behind him. But something kept him glued to the spot.

“Huh? Oh you mean Detective Allen? Um, he’s uh...I don’t think it’s going to work out,” Y/N tells the group.

“What do you mean, Y/N. Allen seemed cute, for a man I guess,” Emily says with an eye roll. Her comment elicited a small chuckle from JJ.

“Yeah, and he’s a total pig head,” Y/N says, much to Spencer’s delight.

The team looks at her with an expectancy to continue. Spencer turns to face his colleagues, who gather around Y/N.

“He called me a and I quote ‘a fine piece of ass’ and that he ‘reckons girls with my job must know how to put out to get ahead’, so gross” She says, shivering at the thought.

Emily and JJ’s eye rolls and small comments reassured Y/N that if she wanted Penelope could find that man in three seconds and tell his mother what animal she raised. Derek tells Y/N that he could pay Allen a friendly visit to remind him why he got into the FBI. Frankly, doors aren’t that different from a 5’10 man.

Spencer sees red. There are times when he gets jealous of people who came and went in Y/N’s love life. He used to think that it was just a friendly protectiveness. He wouldn’t want JJ to get hurt by Will or Emily to get hurt by Natalie. But this is different. He feels mad that anyone would think that they could talk about Y/N like that. It’s not like he never thinks about her in less than professional scenarios. But they were usually thoughts about what noises she’d make or how beautiful her face would look like after he could kiss her as much as she’d let him.

If Spencer was a different man, a more confident, brazen man, maybe he’d pull Y/N to the side and tell her that she’s a brilliant agent. But Spencer still sees himself as that 22 year old who’s secret boyfriend left him for a gig in New Orleans.

If Spencer was a different man, a more suave, smooth man, maybe he’d kiss her on the elevator ride to the car garage. But Spencer’s quiet on the ride down. He can’t even look at Y/N, he just sees his last chance of happiness flush down a toilet.

If Spencer was a different man, a more assertive, romantic man, maybe he would have gone after Ethan. Maybe he would have chanced his chance at happiness, following the melody of the seductive jazz tunes, along with the pang in her heart. But Spencer thinks he just might let happiness slip through his fingers at the sad look on Y/N’s eyes as she leaves the elevator.

She does something that stops his internal crisis. Y/N stands in front of Spencer as they walk together, but not together to their cars. Spencer swears to himself that even without his eidetic memory he’d never forget the look on her face.

“Spencer, I um-” Y/N said, not making eye contact with Spencer. “I know that you don’t like to hug me or anything like that, it’s just I really need a hug right now,” she said, her eyes darting to the ground.

Spencer doesn’t say anything, instead he wraps his arms around Y/N. He never hugged anyone besides his mom or Ethan. It’s very different hugging Y/N than it was hugging them. For one, she was much shorter and her smell was different too. Sweeter and lighter than Ethan’s cologne, but it had a familiar welcoming and safe aroma. He doesn’t really know what to do with his hands, so he settles on placing one to rub gently on her back and the other tenderly cupped her head. He holds her as he craved that she’d hold him. For now, it was enough to just be the person that she came to when she felt like the world was against her.

“Thank you Spencer, I felt so gross and dirty from that asshat, so I just needed to feel like I’m not-”

“A piece of um- ‘ass’” Spencer says, air quotes and all.

Maybe it was the idea of Spencer cursing, but Y/N snorts at the sound of the unsavory word leaving Spencer’s lips.

“A fine piece of ass, Spencer” Y/N counters.

“Hey, Y/N you know that you don’t deserve that right, what I mean is that, you’re beautiful but that’s the least interesting thing about you,” Spencer says, taking his turn to stare towards the ground.

“Is that way you let me use your cup, Spence? You wanted to show me how you, uh, feel?” She questions, picking up his hand in hers. Her fingers traced the light lines on his palm.

“Hmm, you saw right through me, didn’t you?”

“I watched you hide the stool, Spence and you took my cup! You should have more faith in my profiling abilities” She says laughing.

“I was carrying out an experiment, Y/N.” Spencer explains.

“About what?”

“Um, so you know that I don’t really like being touched, it’s been a thing for a really long time. But for you, I’d rather die than to never feel your touch,” he professes.

“Hmm, well luckily for you, I think I can just make sure that doesn’t happen” She says, brushing his hair from his eyes. Her fingers graze over his cheeks, his eyes, his nose, and his lips. She’s careful in her touches. So light and tender, that she thinks he might break if she presses too hard or gives into everything she’s feeling. It’s so soft that Spencer has to strain himself to feel it. He moves his hands bravely to hug her waist.

Her light laugh breaks him from his trance. Maybe Spencer can remember what the poets were talking about when you hear the one you love laugh. Maybe he can recall what it feels like to be so important to another person. Maybe he can recollect what it’s like to have someone to call his and what it’s like to be someone’s someone.

Both their hearts are beating so fast that they meld into one beautiful beat. He holds her cheek in his hand as she cups the back of his neck, her fingers latched onto his hair. If he gets a chance, he needs to ask her if she likes his hair, because between the ruffles and the tugging, he’s sure it’s a thing. He turns off the part of his brain that can never be silent, or at least as much as he could when Y/N is gently wrapping her fingers in his hair and looking at him like she wants to kiss him.

“Spencer, um, you know for the sake of your experiment you should see if kissing elicits the same response. For science, hmm?” She reasons.

“Well, I can’t fight the scientific method, can I?” Spencer says, before he leans in to meet his lips to hers.

Y/N’s eyes flutter close as she presses her forehead against Spencer’s, who leans down slightly to reach her. Spencer feels dizzy with anticipation and a mix of pure euphoria. Her lips are softer than he imagined and she’s much more confident than him. She kisses the corners of his mouth, up his cheeks, and nose. It’s like she retracing the path that Ethan left open and raw. Her kisses heal him with the medicine of love and security.

Spencer knows he would never be the one to break the kiss. Or any kiss that they would share, if he ever got so lucky. He never wants to let go.

“Come on, Dr. Reid, I have an experiment of my own I want to try”

As Spencer walks to her car, he thinks about how well her palm fits into his. He thinks about how those butterflies are uncaged and free. Those Ethan shaped butterflies morphed into Y/N shaped butterflies. This love was different, because after all, he was different now. And different, different is good.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader fluff #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #dr spencer reid imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid deserved a happy ending #criminal minds fics #spencer reid x you #spencer reid reader insert #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fluff

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sierraraeck · 4 years

Text

The Jailbird and the Mouse

Spencer x Fem!OC (Aundreya)

Masterlist

Summary: When Aundreya shows up to consult on a case, Spencer seems less than pleased to see her, but his actions tell a different story. Bonus chapter!

Category: Smut. Hate fuck. Apparently I’m incapable of writing a single thing without some angst, so we’ve got a sprinkle of that in there at the end, too.

Warnings: Cussing. Choking. Nicknames. Degradation. Cuffs are used. Unprotected penetration, female masturbating, oral (male receiving), fingering. Semi-public at the beginning.

Word Count: 8.5k

A/N: Okay so this is supposed to take place during How to Lose Friends when they are both in their fresh, post-prison forms and are beyond pissed at each other, but you don't have to have read that chapter or the series to understand this. Also, shoutout to @writing-in-april for looking this piece over and helping me make some edits!

Things to Know: All you really have to know is that Aundreya was a criminal who’d already been to and broken out of prison, joined the BAU, Spencer and her had a previous relationship, Aundreya got Spencer sent to prison, broke him out, then took the fall for something Spencer was being accused of that she didn’t do, getting herself sent to prison again.

I’d been called back to help the BAU solve a case. Fascinating how when it was convenient for them, I held some value. But, after that I was just easy to throw in a jail cell to be forgotten about.

I didn’t want to be there, but unfortunately I didn’t have a choice. So, I closed my eyes, and took a long, deep breath before forcing the door open. I had barely entered the room, barely had made eye contact with Hotch standing opposite me, before both my shoulder blades were shoved against the wall behind me, with long fingers wrapping around my throat.

“What is she doing here?” the hiss in Reid’s voice sounded exactly how I’d imagined it in my head preparing for this encounter. He looked almost as bad as me. His curls were going in a million directions, and I could only imagine the amount of times he’d run his hands through them, probably due to stress. His eyes were blood-shot, slightly puffy, and the dark bags underneath seemed more defined. The only thing that contrasted all of that, and let me know his head was still in it, was the darkness he now held in his eyes. There was nothing lighthearted or soft about them anymore, at least, not for the moment and certainly not for me. Plus, there was a red-hot rage I could see boiling at the surface. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror, a warped version of myself being reflected back to me. I’d seen the same fury and darkness in my eyes every morning that was in his now, and the irritation that radiated off him matched my own. Really, the only difference between Spencer and I, was he still had his gun and badge and I didn’t.

“I was invited to help consult,” I snapped through my somewhat restricted breath. “So you better get the fuck off me.”

He gave my throat one last tight squeeze before stepping back, his intense gaze never leaving me. I met his gaze with a wicked smile while brushing my fingers over where the ghost of his hand used to be. I wanted him to see that he didn’t affect me. Angry or not, he held no power in our dynamic anymore.

“Chambers, good to see you,” Derek mocked, giving me a side eye laced with suspicion.

“Can’t say I feel the same,” I deadpanned, then turning on Hotch. “So, why am I here?”

“We have reason to believe that a rogue gang member is kidnapping and killing ex-military if they refuse to join,” Hotch explained with seemingly no emotion, as if he was unaffected by my presence.

“Cool,” I deadpanned again before asking, “So why do you need me?”

“We wanted to know if you know anything or have heard anything-” Derek started.

“Heard anything?” I cut him off with a scoff, “You mean besides the constant clanging of metal bars when I’m not left in complete silence by myself? No, I haven’t heard anything.”

“Can you find them?” Spencer asked as if it would be a difficult task for me.

“So you do want my help,” I clarified.

“I want your skills.”

I let out a disgusted chuckle in response to his quip. Venom dripped from my words as I voiced my thoughts from only moments before stepping into the room. “Oh, I get it. You only want me around when it's convenient for you. Otherwise you just wanna give up on me and let me rot in a cell.”

“What was I supposed to do!”

“What were you supposed to do?” I asked in disbelief, eyes wide. “What were you supposed to do?” I mumbled to myself again in a mocking tone, rolling my eyes. I put my hands on the back of the empty chair in front of me I assumed had held Spencer at one point, and leaned in toward him. He’d retreated behind the table since releasing me, and I quietly snarled towards him, “I don’t know, but sitting there on your tiny, plushy ass, wasn’t it. I’m leaving.”

Spencer was back over to me in a flash, slamming his hand on the door before I could even reach for the handle. Someone got better reflexes. I cocked an eyebrow at him.

“We have a suspect list that we want you to review.” Hotch caught me before I pushed Spencer out of my way.

“Fine. Make it quick.” I looked over the list Hotch gave me that contained about 30 men, none of which rang any bells. “This was a waste of time.”

“Hold on, guys,” Garcia trotted in, “I just found something.” She was in such a rush that she initially didn’t see me, bee-lining it straight for Hotch. Handing the iPad over to him, her eyes lifted to take in the rest of the room. That’s when she noticed me. Her eyes grew to the size of beach balls, and her perfectly done lips hung open. I tried not to feel too hurt, knowing that my presence would come as a shock to her, but it still stung seeing her at a loss for words, possibly even scared. She’d really been the only person who still had any hope left for me, and I was starting to wonder if that was true anymore.

My voice softened as I greeted, “Hey, Penelope.”

She struggled for words, a few ‘uhs’ and ‘ums’ headed my direction, ultimately being saved by Hotch. “Dave, you’re with me. Prentiss, Morgan, I want you to go to the ME, Garcia we’ll need you on call, and JJ, Lewis, I want you to go talk to this man.”

“What about me?” Spencer asked.

“You’re going to stay here and watch her,” Hotch commanded. I started laughing at Spencer’s visible discomfort. Spencer glared at me before opening his mouth to argue, but Hotch stopped him with a voice filled with authority, “I know you won’t be able to focus out there if you know she’s still here unattended. Let’s go.”

When everyone had left and the door shut behind them, I sang, “Well if it isn’t Doctor Reid drawing the short end of the stick, yet again.”

“Just sit down and shut up,” he tried to order with confidence as he took his own advice, sitting as far away from me as possible. Not once had he looked me in the eyes since I’d initially walked in and he had attacked me. Sure, his eyes were on me, but they never connected with mine.

“Is that a demand, doctor?” I challenged him.

“No, but it could be. I just don’t want to be the one responsible for letting you get away.” He shrugged in his chair, resting the ankle of his leg on the knee of the other.

“So you’re just gonna trust me to do what you ask?” I questioned. Throughout the entire time I’d known Spencer, he’d never gotten super riled up over something, but this was a whole different Spencer, one that I didn’t recognize or know . He was more on edge, confident, and clearly willing to wrap his hand around my throat with no hesitation. A type of Spencer I was more than happy to get to know. And let’s face it, I’d been in prison for 15 months. There wasn’t a ton of action going on in there that I wanted to get involved with. I just wanted to see how far I could push him before he snapped. “You don’t trust me, and you know you can’t. I put you in prison, just because I could,” I shrugged, contradicting what I’d insinuated earlier for my own entertainment, “and you think that I won’t just walk away from you when given the chance?”

“You’ve had the chance. For the past three minutes and forty-six seconds you could have left and you didn’t. What’s keeping you here?” he smugly fired back. Oh yeah, he’s definitely going to be fun to mess with.

“What’s keeping you here?” I copied, “Why’d Hotch bench you again? Because you can’t focus when I’m around?”

“No one can focus with you around!” he huffed hotly.

“Not well, but they certainly can do better than what you’re doing right now,” I patronized, “What is it about me that makes you all so nervous, huh? I’m just another criminal who happens to be a former co-worker. I thought you were used to working with those day in and day out.”

“Criminals or co-workers?”

“Either.”

“None of them are like you,” he bit.

“Oh I know,” I ran my tongue over my lips, “So I’ll ask again, what is it about me that makes me so different?”

He looked up at me. In contrast to the first time he locked eyes with me, his expression was stone cold. “You were a part of this team, and you betrayed us. You betrayed me. I don’t know how I could’ve been so stupid to believe you were actually helping us! I just want to know why you picked me. You were going to take one of us down, why’d you choose me?” I could see the gears spinning in his head, and was about to answer when he frustratedly added, “Was it because you thought I’m the weakest?”

That’s it. That’s what’s always made him tick. And he used the present tense. We were still an entire table length apart, so I started slowly sauntering toward him. I prodded, “Is that what you think? You believe you’re the weakest on the team? Or do you just think that’s what I thought?”

“We all have our roles,” he responded, but not nearly as confident as he had been before.

“That’s not an answer,” I pushed.

“You still haven’t answered me, either,” he growled, and I decided to let this one go. We didn’t need to fully delve into his insecurities, no matter how much I wanted to.

“It was similar to that. You were the most afraid of me, I could smell it in the air.” I closed my eyes and pretended to revel in the stench of fear. “But, I could’ve gotten any one of them if I wanted.”

Spencer scoffed at that, “I think you overestimate your abilities.”

“I don’t,” I quickly fired back, “I could’ve gotten any of them, and to be honest, I was going to go after Derek, or maybe Emily, but then you spoke up from the corner of the room and I knew it had to be you.”

“Why?”

“Why this, Aundreya, and why that, Aundreya? Is that the only question you can ask?”

“Is it the only question you can’t answer?”

I was about halfway to him now, and decided to give him a little false hope. “I picked you, not because of your intellect, or how the rest of the team coddles you, or how relationship starved you are. I picked you because I could see something in your eyes that was different, something dark. And once I heard your full back story, I realized just how similar the two of us are.”

“We are nothing alike,” he insisted.

“Really? Because had you made one different choice or one thing went just a little bit wrong, you could have ended up just like me, with no family and no one to give a shit about you or what you do, except for the cops who just wanted you locked up and controlled.” I was dangerously close to him now, his head tilted to look at me, but he didn’t cower away. He actually seemed to welcome it. Which reminded me of something, “After knowing all of that, my past and everything I was, you still agreed to let me on your team.”

“I was the last person to say yes to you joining,” he informed me. This was news to me, but I couldn’t even be sure if he was telling me the truth. “I didn’t think it was a good idea for you to be working with us, but I was outnumbered and outranked.”

“No, you caved to their wishes,” I twisted his words to suit my needs, “Like you caved to mine.” I slowly reached down to place a hand on his chest. He eyed it all the way until I made contact with him, and it was like flipping a switch. He grabbed my wrist and held it close as he pushed out of his chair, the wheels spinning it wildly back into the monitor. He reached for my other wrist, which I let him grab, and held me against the wall, arms pinned next to my head. I did everything I could to not smirk. And he’s still caving.

“I didn’t want you here. I resisted the idea of you being around us,” he spat.

“Like you’re resisting the idea of being around me right now?” I arched an eyebrow, scanning him from head to toe, and I couldn’t help but let my gaze linger on a few spots. He opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it again, locking his jaw. I could see his genius mind at work, trying to come up with some way out of the little mouse trap I’d set up for him. I watched his eyes trail down to my lips and neck, soaking it all in. When his eyes met mine again, I tried to reach for him, but he forcefully slammed my hands back, pinning me to the wall again. Though, I wanted him to touch me this time. He was taking too long to make a move for my liking, so I decided if I couldn’t use my arms, I might as well use my legs.

All of his weight was already leaning toward me, so it wasn’t difficult to wrap my right leg around his waist and bring him all the way to me. The moment that they were within inches of my face, I attacked his lips. I was almost disappointed by the fact that he didn’t seem surprised at all, as if he knew how impatient I was and knew that I would force the first move. But, I wasn’t disappointed for long.

Spencer’s whole body was pressed against mine as he quickly swiped his tongue across my bottom lip, looking for entrance. I granted it, but I wasn’t going to give him the complete dominance that he wanted over the kiss. Instead, our tongues slid over each other’s searching for more than the other was willing to give. It was hot and messy, and he released his grip on my wrists, moving them to apply the same amount of force to my jaw. With my hands free, I made quick work of the buttons on his dress shirt, ripping it open. I was expecting skin and sighed when I found yet another shirt. This man and his layers.

Spencer took advantage of me sighing, giving him more access to my mouth, which I wanted to be annoyed about, but couldn’t care to be. I decided to make better use of my hands, running them down the sides of his body as he wrapped his behind my back. He pulled away from me so abruptly when I tried to massage him through his slacks, he basically dropped me on the floor. It was like being left out in a cold winter storm, just barely out of arm's reach of warmth.

Spencer shook his head, eyes on the floor, as if that would clear his mind of what clouded it, which was me. But I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. “There. You got what you wanted.”

I gaped at him before retorting, “We both know it wasn’t just me who got what I wanted. I’m sure you had a hard time pulling away.”

He glared at me as he rolled the chair back toward the desk and took a seat, “Not really. I have important work to do.”

I stood there staring at him trying to compose himself. His face was red and he tugged at his pants before crossing his leg over the other. I pressed my lips together, but still failed to contain the small laugh that escaped through my nose.

“Sure,” I mocked, “Especially since everyone else on the team is already doing that work for you.” He didn’t look up from whatever papers were on the table, trying in vain to ignore me, though I wasn’t ready to have his attention off me yet.

I shut the folder that he was in the middle of reading, not like he was actually reading it considering how long it was taking him to flip the page, and sat right on top of it. He was about to reach for it again, but retracted his hand at lightning speed when my legs got in the way. I flashed another mockingly sweet smile his way, but he looked out toward the window, right next to the wall I’d just come from. I swung my legs back and forth off the side of the table just a bit, careful not to completely kick Spencer in the shin, though I couldn’t help but let my toes accidentally tap him a few times. As with all of the other times I’d touched him, he moved out of the way, uncrossing his legs with a perfect foot-sized gap in between his knees. I rested my foot in that small gap on the chair, rolling his body closer to me. Then, for no other reason than wanting to feel him squirm underneath me, I plopped down on his lap, my legs straddling his. I pretty much had him locked in his seat.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, a look of complete indifference gracing his face, but I knew it was just a front.

“Just making sure you’re doing your job,” I replied, winking at him.

“And… how do you think this is helping me do my job?”

“I’m making sure you’re paying attention to me,” I whispered in his ear seductively, lacing my fingers together on the back of his neck, “Plus, I’m doing what you asked me to. How did you put it? Sit down and shut-”

Using his thumb and forefinger, he pinched my cheeks and brought my lips to his forcefully. The kiss was just as hungry as the last, teeth clashing and tongues furiously fighting. He moved his long fingers onto my hips with a bruising grip, which I had absentmindedly started grinding against his. He pulled away from me for a moment, and his harsh tone reminded me that this was nothing like the last time we’d been together, when we’d both been a bit more innocent. “You never did have any manners at work.”

I smirked, “I know. Imagine my manners at home.”

A low, almost inaudible groan came from Spencer’s throat at my suggestion, but he tried to cover it up by moving my hair out of the way and latching his lips onto the side of my neck. I gasped at the contact of his teeth pulling at my soft flesh, paired with the feeling of his growing bulge pressed against my core. His fingers gripped my hips harder and moved them faster, drawing a small whimper from my lips. I felt him smile as he trailed kisses down my neck to my collar bone, leaving a single bite mark there. I tried so hard to contain my high-pitched moan when he moved one of his hands from my waist to pinch one of my nipples through my shirt.

But I was supposed to be the clear-headed one, so I forced myself to not get too wrapped up in the feeling. If I wanted to get to my end goal, I was going to have to leave him wanting more, which unfortunately in turn meant leaving myself in the same condition.

My hips had gotten faster along with Spencer’s hands, but when I felt him start to buck his hips up against me, I knew that he was getting close and it had to end. Immediately, I stopped my movements and untangled myself from him, but not before dragging a finger up the column of his throat, sneering, “Too bad. I could’ve helped you, had you done anything to help me.”

I left that open for interpretation, either as a jab to his masculinity or to what started my rage in the first place: being left in prison. He didn’t ask for clarification either, clearly too bothered by being left on edge. He did, however, follow up with, “Help you? Why would I want to do that? You’re a terrible person.”

I grinned as if receiving a medal of honor, “That I am, Doctor.”

I moved the lay down on the couch while Spencer attempted to refocus on his work. I made a show of sighing a couple times and rolling around ‘to find a comfortable position’ on the couch, just to piss him off. I could tell it was working based on his clenched fists turning white, and the way his leg was jumping. He was resting his head in his hand, which almost perfectly shielded my face from his.

He still wasn’t turning the page, so I offered, “Can you flip the page by yourself, or do you need some help?”

He wasn’t given the opportunity to respond, because Hotch, followed by most of the team, came barreling through the door.

“Colby Ulton, 43 years old, has a long record and wasn’t home,” JJ announced, following Hotch. It’d been a while since I had to deal with their inhuman pace when it came to talking about unsubs and profiles, so most of the stuff they said next flew over my head.

I was way behind in the conversation, but none of that mattered when Hotch turned to me, “Colby Ulton. I want you on him.” He'd barely gotten the command out before I was reaching for the door handle.

“I don’t.” The words were hot and dry and coming from none other than Doctor Reid. I rolled my eyes. He moved to step in front of the door, blocking my passage out again, leaning casually with his back against it, arms crossed. Our faces were barely centimeters apart.

“Why not?” I asked in a mock-curious voice.

“I don’t trust you. Who’s to say you won’t just run off? Then we’d let a high-profile criminal walk free. Plus, we’re not even sure he’s the right man,” Spencer pointed out. I was going to point out how I had just made that same argument about me leaving, and he refuted it himself only to bring it back up now, but I didn’t get the chance.

“He’s the best we’ve got right now,” Derek countered. I could tell he sort of just wanted me out of the room, but Spencer’s motives appeared very different.

He never took his eyes off of mine as he recited, “We think it’s a rogue gang member who’s either left or been kicked out within the past year. Ulton’s been in prison, which could mean he’s gone rogue, or it could mean he’s joined a new gang, one that, as you probably know, wouldn’t allow this type of acting out. Either way, he hasn’t demonstrated gang affiliated behavior in almost three years. Not to mention he had his tattoo removed and is out of our age range. I don’t think putting her on, most likely, the wrong man’s trail is worth the risk of letting her walk free.”

The room was silent as we all waited for someone else to make the first move. I decided to be that person. “So what do you suggest they do with me, hm?” I questioned, walking my two fingers up his chest with each word. Then I leaned in and made it very clear, “Because I am not going back to prison.”

I bit his earlobe on the way back, and I saw the way his pupils dilated just slightly at the feeling, “I’ll watch her for the night.”

“What?” Derek and I said at the same time, but our facial expressions were very different.

“Yes,” he stated, more confidently now, “She has nothing to do right now, but we might need her later in the investigation, so sending her all the way back to prison doesn’t make sense.”

“And you'll make sure she doesn’t escape?” Derek questioned.

“She hasn’t so far, has she?” Spencer challenged. When he got unnerved looks from the rest of the team, he assured, shooting a small smirk my way, “Trust me, she won’t.” How cute. He thinks he can wrap his skinny little fingers around my neck and pull a moan from me once, and all the sudden he’s in control. He switched our position, pinning me up against the door, clasping the handcuffs back around my wrists in front of me. I was starting to think he had a thing for pushing people into walls. It was his turn to whisper in my ear, “And you won't want to.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

When we arrived back at his apartment, I took a moment to survey the room. It looked almost exactly as it had the last time I’d been there. Books piled up everywhere, papers strewn all over the desk, a little dark and dusty, maybe a bit more worn, but nothing too out of the ordinary. The only difference was that it no longer suited him as well anymore. He used to be this shy, studious, loner-type that didn’t really like people, and he had a certain innocence about him. There was nothing innocent about him anymore. He didn’t seem shy either, much more confident; still studious and a loner though. However, I bet he liked having at least one person over at all times, or not being home at all. It meant that he didn’t have to be alone with his own mind, and after being in solitude myself, and knowing that he’d been in there too, that feeling of complete silence, utter aloneness, was something we’d never want to experience again. We were honestly perfect for each other in that way.

The other thing I’d noticed, based on what I'd seen of him within the last few hours and what I knew prison could do to a person, I guessed he went off of instinct rather than intelligence more than he ever had in his life.

Spencer had to take the time to shrug off his satchel and kick off his shoes, neither of which I even had. All I had was myself and what I was wearing, which wasn’t much. At least I wasn’t in an orange jumpsuit anymore.

“Wow, you’ve really renovated the place,” I snickered. Spencer didn’t say anything, just rolled his eyes and brushed past me. I forced my wrists outward a couple times, making a clanking sound with the cuffs, asking, “You gonna take these off?”

He faced me with a smirk and shook his head slightly, “Don’t think so.” Pulling out a chair at the puny kitchen table, he sat down, and I felt like we were much in the same position we’d been in at the office. I was in his home turf, if I could even call it that, but I wasn’t just going to let him be in charge.

I decided to go straight for the jugular, “Why’d you bring me home, Spence?”

“This isn’t home, not for you,” he snapped.

I scoffed, “Doesn’t look like it is for you, either, but that doesn’t change the question.”

“I told you. I didn’t want to risk you running away.”

“You didn’t want to lose me?” I inquired. He could hear the way I was rephrasing it to change the narrative, not like I was wrong, but he successfully dodged it.

“I didn’t want to lose an asset over the wrong man, tipping the right one off, and potentially risking him going underground. I’m just trying to catch an unsub,” he shrugged.

“You’ve got an answer for everything, don’t you?” I shook my head in amusement.

“You don’t?” he cocked an eyebrow.

“Of course I do,” I quickly answered.

“Then answer this,” Spencer squared his shoulders, now completely facing me, “Why didn’t you run the moment you got the chance?”

“I had three FBI personnel in the car with me, then a team of BAU agents surrounding me, and then was left alone in the same room as an agent who can shoot 100 on his test. I am many things, but I am not stupid nor am I suicidal.”

“How’d you know I shot 100?” Spencer followed up.

I smiled, “I know things.”

“How about all the chances you got when you were in prison? You’ve broken out plenty of times before, why not do it again?” He was leaning forward, and he seemed genuinely curious.

It was a good question, one that I actually hadn’t pre-thought the answer to. Frankly, I wasn’t expecting to even make it this far. “I was biding my time.”

“For..?”

“Leverage.” It was a simple word, but one that seemed to make a great impact. Spencer leaned back in his chair and contemplated my answer. It wasn’t a complete lie either, I just didn’t want to give away too many details.

Spencer finally whispered, “Against?”

I flashed him a wicked smile. “You.” His face contorted into something I couldn’t fully recognize, eyes narrowing. “You, Spencer. I’ve been waiting for you to make an error, a mistake. That was the one flaw in my plan, that while I picked the easiest to emotionally manipulate, I picked the hardest to mentally manipulate. And you don’t make very many mental mistakes, do you Spencer?” I asked, approaching him. I’m really hoping you’d like to cash one in right now, though. I could practically see the internal argument being fought inside Spencer’s head; one side telling him to give in, it wasn’t that bad, the other telling him to resist, that somehow, this would corrupt him further. I needed the former to win. “You wouldn’t let yourself get caught up in the moment, would you? You wouldn’t crack, take what you want, what you need, what you deserve against your better judgement. Because you’re all brain, Spencer. All brain, and no heart.”

That’s what did it.

Spencer literally swept me off my feet, tossing me onto the couch like a rag doll. His hand returned to my throat as if it belonged there, and he pushed open my legs with his knees. My hands may have been cuffed, but they could still be useful. I moved them to start unbuttoning his shirt when he swatted them away. He spat, “I’m not heartless. Not like you.”

“No,” I agreed, “You’re worse. At least I can admit to what I am. You just hide behind a badge and gun.”

Spencer shoved two fingers in my mouth, probably trying to shut me up. I smirked, running my tongue up and down the long digits, making sure to give him a preview of what was to come if he’d let it. His other hand trailed down the side of my body until it reached the waistband of the pants I was wearing. Forcefully, he yanked them down, taking my panties with them. I knew I was already pooling, but of course he had to rub it in. Snarky, he mocked, “For someone who talks a big game, you’re already looking pretty weak.”

I silently cursed my body for finding him arousing, and was about to have to come up with a clever comment when I saw Spencer pause. He was charging straight into this, and then he just stopped. I tilted my head, “Worried you don’t have it in you?”

Spencer met my eyes, and cooly stated, “I’m not going to let you be my mistake.”

Dammit. When I felt him start to pull away, I knew I had to say something to get him to stay. I needed to turn this into an advantage in his eyes, not just mine. “Why? So you can let this rage build up inside of you, eat away at your every thought, until you snap? What then? You lash out during a case, which causes someone to die, either because of your incapabilities or at your hand? And what for? Because you’re still mad at me? I’m right here in front of you, Spencer! You’re never going to get a chance like this again, so just do something!” By the end, it was a plea, and one that was brutally answered.

Spencer pushed two of his fingers inside me, already moving at a quick pace. I let out a small yelp at the sensation which clearly pleased Spencer. I attempted to refocus on unbuttoning his shirt, which became increasingly difficult because of how he was curling his fingers to hit that spot just right. I barely finished, pushing his shirt away from his shoulders when he leaned away from me, taking both of his fingers with him. I was about to complain until I saw him dropping his shirt to the ground and unbuckling his belt, pushing his own pants and underwear out of the way in a similar fashion as he’d done to mine. He pumped his fist over his shaft a couple of times before lining himself up between my wide open legs. He teased my clit with the tip of his cock, and I could feel the precum beading there. I bit my lip as I looked up at him.

Spencer’s eyes were blown when he quietly demanded, “Say it.” He wants me to beg. I was okay with him thinking he was in charge for now, so I played into it by shaking my head. He slammed my cuffed wrists against the arm of the couch just above my head, bringing his face so close I could feel his lips brush mine as he repeated, “Say it.”

It was more forceful the second time, and something about his hot breath on my face and the feeling of his hips trying, and failing, to stay still against mine pulled a whimper all too genuine from my lips, “Punish me.”

At my words, he slammed his cock in my entrance, setting a merciless pace. With no time to adjust to his length, the heat burning between my legs got fiercer. The sounds of his hips hitting mine filled the room, both of us trying to control our moans, not wanting the other to know how much we were really enjoying it. My back arched off the couch, sending my fingers over the arm, brushing over thin objects on the small table there. A pen and paper clip.

I pressed my lips together to contain the grin that just about took over my face. Looking down at Spencer, who was way too busy biting marks into my skin, I could tell he hadn’t noticed the detrimental error I’d just realized he’d made. I made quick work of unclasping the cuffs from around my wrists, but left them on loosely just for show.

The coil in my stomach was getting tighter and tighter, and while I usually would have tried to control myself, I let the moans tear through my lungs. This caught Spencer’s attention, perring up at me with a twinkle in his eyes, one that told me he thought he had me. He mouthed into my neck, “This too much for you to handle, Jailbird?”

I scoffed at his pet name. Alright Doctor Reid, you’ve had your fun. Now let me show you how to really be in charge. “Not in the slightest, Mouse,” I quipped. Before he could think, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and put my hands on the back of his head. I flipped us off the side of the couch, landing on top of Spencer. With the wind knocked out of him, I quickly grabbed his wrist, clasping one of the cuffs around it, looping the chain behind the couch leg, then synching the other around his free wrist. I placed his head on the ground and leaned back, tracing patterns on his chest.

It took him a moment to realize what had just happened, but I saw the moment the light went off. “You filthy bitch.”

I chuckled, “It seems as though that genius memory of yours forgot that I’m a criminally sound escape artist.”

He was fuming, but contained himself long enough to ask, “What changed?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Since last time? You had no problem letting me take control then.”

I simply stated with disgust, “I was soft then.”

“Who’s to say you aren’t still now?” Spencer challenged.

I laced my fingers with his as I pinned them to the ground, my turn to be the one looking down on him, faces only centimeters apart. We locked eyes as I explained, “You can see it too, I know you can. I wake up and see it in the mirror every day, and I see it in you too now. It’s in your eyes. That darkness. That feeling of destruction, of being broken, of being a monster. It’s there. I can see it like it’s my own.”

I expected him to snap at me. To argue with a clever quip. But he didn’t. Spencer leaned up as far as he could and kissed me. Not in the angry, predatory-like way that we had earlier, but really kissed me. I was so taken aback by the gesture that I practically jumped off him after a few seconds. I hated myself for letting it happen for even that long.

I stormed away from him, hissing, “Don’t try to get my sympathy now that you’re the one chained like a dirty animal. I’m not gonna fall for it.”

I saw something quick flash across his face before it hardened again. I could feel his eyes following my every move as I walked away, so I decided to make a show of it. I swished my hips back and forth, and even bent all the way over to pick up our clothes for no reason, just so he could have a perfect view between my legs. I heard the rattle of the cuffs against the couch and smirked to myself.

Tossing the clothes as far away as possible, I reached under my shirt to unclasp my bra, slipping it out one of the arm holes. I spun it around my index finger a couple of times before letting it fly off in the direction of the rest of our clothes. Toying with the hem of my shirt, I rhythmically moved it around my body so that he could only see some exposed skin at a time. I slowly pulled it higher and higher until I removed the garment completely. Standing completely bare in front of him, looking down on his naked body, I’d never felt more in control.

Spencer was drilling holes into me as I got down on my knees, crawling toward him. Again, his hands shot forward only to be stopped by the metal. I tutted, “Now, now, Mouse. That’s not how this works.”

I stroked a single finger up his length, and when it brushed over the tip, he squeezed his eyes shut. I wetted my lips as I wrapped a single hand around his cock, starting at an agonizingly slow pace, a stark contrast to the one he’d set earlier. I had barely started moving at a faster pace when Spencer started to buck his hips up into my hand. I slammed his hips back down with my other arm, giving him a cold look. His hips stilled and I knew he was getting desperate.

I flattened my palm against his lower belly, making sure he’d stay in place as I steadily picked up the pace. Spencer threw his head back when I swiped my tongue over his tip, and huffed when I retracted my hands, breaking contact all together.

I hummed, “Actually, this isn’t that interesting.” I scooted back on the floor, holding eye contact with his piercing irises as I spread my legs wide open for him to see. Neither one of us has had our release yet, so I might as well take mine and leave him high and dry.

I brushed my fingertips down my body, cupping my breasts on the way, until I reached my clit. I started to rub circles over the bundle of nerves, not realizing how close I already was. I let out exaggerated moans as I continued my ministrations, steadily pushing myself toward the edge.

“Stop.” It was barely a whisper, and I wasn’t sure if I even heard it, so I ignored it. Right as another moan ripped through my lungs, I heard Spencer say, louder and more demanding this time, “Stop.”

I was too close to stop. I barely had the mental capacity to smirk down at him before I felt my release crash over me like a tidal wave. For dramatic effect, I whined out Spencer’s name as my walls clenched around nothing, helping myself through my orgasm. Slowly coming down from my high, my head lulled back, release seeping into his rug.

Barely allowing myself to catch my breath, I leaned forward onto my knees, and looked at Spencer’s face, which was red with anger or desperation I couldn’t tell, but brought my lips down on his dick regardless. He grunted at the sensation, and I could feel the heat radiating off of him. I swirled my tongue around him until I couldn’t anymore, opting to just trace a protruding vein instead. I started to hollow out my cheeks when he bucked up into me, forcing me to take all of him in at once. He groaned when I started gagging around his length, and when I coughed after pulling off him, he had the audacity to laugh.

“Having trouble there, Jailbird?” Spencer smugly asked. I looked down at his length laying against his stomach and saw that it was a deep red, and had to have been painfully hard at that point. With that in mind, along with my recent release, I crawled over him.

I looked at him as I hovered my pussy just above his cock. “I wouldn’t be worried about me. I’d be worried about how you’re gonna take care of yourself with your hands cuffed if I decided I’m done with you.”

That threat wiped the smug look right off his face. I was already wet again, and allowed him to only barely feel what was waiting for him if he behaved, lowering myself down so his length was just brushing my lips.

His face contorted and then he said the word of my victory, “Please.”

Taking hold of his cock in one hand, I lined myself up, and slowly sunk down. He filled me up completely, a bit thicker than I remembered, and I sat comfortably in his lap. This was clearly what Spencer wanted, but there was no way in hell it was going to be that easy. I just sat there looking at him, and based on the crazed look on his face, he was expecting me to start moving immediately.

We stared each other down for a moment before his whole body jerked forward, hands yanking on the cuffs. It was my turn to laugh at his pathetic struggles, but I still didn’t have quite what I wanted yet. Raising my hips up, I quickly slammed them down, pulling the loudest groan I’d heard from Spencer. When I didn’t move again, he started squirming underneath me, and I asked, “What is it you want me to do, Mouse?”

Then he broke, his strangled pleas music to my ears, “God, fuck me, please, just fuck me!”

I grinned as I captured his lips in a vicious kiss, pulling his bottom lip between my teeth. Steadying myself with my palm on his chest, I lifted my hips up, only to let them fall back into his lap. I started slower than either of us wanted, letting myself adjust to his full size before bouncing freely on his dick. The sounds of our heavy moans filled the air, sweat collecting on our bodies.

I was honestly surprised at how long Spencer had lasted when he let out one final shriek before coming undone below me. He’d given up, completely relaxed on the floor as I started chasing my second orgasm. Spencer peered up at me through hooded eyes, and soon enough starting letting out cries, and I knew I was pushing him. I didn’t want to completely overwhelm him but I was so close…

I wouldn’t get there, not yet anyway, because Spencer did something I was not expecting. The couch hit the floor with a loud thud, giving Spencer the freedom to move his arms. He wrapped the chain of the cuffs around the back of my neck and flipped me over in one swift motion, almost identical to how I’d just done it to him.

I was completely caught off guard, and let a surprised squeak leave my lips. I was almost impressed. Almost.

As if he could see straight into my mind, Spencer remarked, “I’m a quick study.” His entire body weight was over me, and there was very little wiggle room for an escape.

I followed Spencer’s eyes as he scanned around the room, glanced at his wrists, then sighed when he spotted his pants. Must’ve been where he put the key.

I raised my pitch and snidely sang like a schoolgirl, “Whatcha gonna do Mouse? You gonna fuck me like the inmate you are, or are you gonna free yourself, hm?”

Pressing his hands down on either side of my perfectly laid out ones above my head, the chain between the cuffs digging into my forearms, he chided, “I’m sure I can handle you just fine with them on. I’m not quite done with you yet, Jailbird.”

My walls fluttered around his cock at the gravelly sound of his voice and the threat that accompanied it. It’s as if he’s chained to me. I shuddered happily at the thought.

“Is that what this is about?” Spencer hissed, clearly catching my pleased look and the way my pussy pulled him in a little more at his harsh words, “You just enjoy seeing me as some twisted killer?”

“I enjoy seeing you for who you truly are.”

I wasn’t able to form another coherent thought after that one, the pace Spencer was pounding into me like one I’d never felt. He fucked his cum from only seconds ago back into me, the wet sound of our mixing fluids filling the room. I could barely focus on where his hands had moved to, teasing my nipples, because the fire between my legs was jumping higher and higher. As it finally burned through me in the sweetest way possible, I reached to grab onto anything, the first thing my fingers found being Spencer’s hair. He growled when I tugged, but his pace never let up.

As I came down from my high, Spencer didn’t stop. The feelings were becoming too strong, too overpowering, pleasure bordering on pain. I tried to pull my hips away from his, but there was nothing I could do. To stop my squirming, he sat back slightly and pressed his large palms down on my hip bones. Moving also changed the angle he was slamming into me, now bottoming out with each thrust. I needed some reprieve.

“Spencer,” I whined, but there was a nothingness in his eyes.

His hands snaked up to my throat, applying massive pressure to my windpipe. “Is this what you wanted?” Spencer yelled, “Is this what you think I truly am?”

I was having trouble getting the air into my lungs, let alone respond. I wanted to force him to face his reality of being an ex-con, knowing how shitty it was to be on the inside and just letting me sit in there. A consequence of my own actions, but considering I was doing it to save him, I was looking for a little bit more effort on the getting out process.

But he’d left me in there. He didn’t care. He didn’t care despite the fact that he knew what I was going through, that I could tell he was still dealing with his own PTSD and not well, and that everything had changed for him. People looked at him and treated him differently. He was a different person. Corrupt. And he’d only been in there for not even three months.

I’d been in there for five times as long.

I wanted him to realize just how much damage him and his useless team were doing to me by not helping me get out. I wanted him to realize how fucked up that was, and how terrible of a person that made him. I wanted him to realize he was just as big of a monster as I was.

I accomplished that. But I underestimated how much darkness he’d really been holding back.

My head started to feel light, and I could tell I was on the brink of my third release. The sound of skin slapping skin was sinful and I couldn’t focus on anything other than the feeling of his tip hitting my a-spot, the way my legs were shaking around his body, the way the muscles in his back felt against my nails as I clawed them down it. My release came quicker than Spencer’s, who wasn’t too far behind me. His thrusts became shallower, as he spilled into me for the second time. It was as if all the energy had been drained out of me in an instant, along with my anger and hatred. Spencer rolled off of me, and I saw his figure weakly collapse to the ground.

It was an eerie calm, the sound of absolute nothingness, the only disturbance being our labored breathing.

I didn’t know how long it’d been when Spencer’s voice, the softest I’d heard it since the day’s start, whispered, “Are you okay?”

I glanced at him with a confused look. He let out a small sigh at my non response, collecting himself before walking over to his long forgotten pants for the cuffs key. After freeing his wrists, he walked back over to me and helped me up, ushering me to the bathroom.

I could tell he was examining me, but it wasn’t until I stood in front of the mirror that I realized why. “Look at those bruises around your neck, Jailbird. They suit you.”

The bruises were deep and already turning a nice purple. I scanned the rest of me finding more bruises on my hips, thighs, shoulders, wrists, and not to mention the bite mark on my collar. I scanned Spencer next, his only bruises coming from his wrists and the red marks I left on his back. “I wasn’t expecting that from you.”

He met my eyes in the mirror, “What were you expecting?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know.” I truly didn’t. I went into it knowing I wanted to force him to see everything he had, everything he was, but I guess I didn’t really think about what that would force me to see. My exhaustion started to give way to a heap of emotions, and a single, involuntary tear escaped my eye. Spencer brushed his fingers over my neck, simultaneously pulling my hair behind my shoulder.

He kissed the tender, bruised skin, and I remembered the times before, the times when it felt like we’d really been in love. I felt his breath on me as he mumbled, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I turned on my heels to face him, “You didn’t.”

I didn’t know what compelled him to confess what I never thought he would, but he sounded deeply ashamed when admitting, “I wanted to.”

“What stopped you?” I was genuinely curious. We’d hurt each other in the most extreme ways before today, getting the other sent to a cage in hell, betraying each other.

“I’m broken, but I’m not beyond repair, and hurting you would make me someone that I don’t want to be.”

I gave him a tired smile, and all I could muster was, “Pretty convincing.”

“I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“Don’t be, you didn’t. You couldn’t,” I assured him. It was the truth.

“I should’ve,” he bit, looking down at his hands, which were so delicately holding my waist I couldn’t be sure he was even touching me.

“Why?” I questioned, the seriousness evident in my voice, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He shook his head, and a stray curl or two tickled my forehead. “I could’ve.”

“I trusted you not to.” I clasped my hands together and rested them on his back.

Spencer’s shaky voice matched his glistening eyes as they locked with mine, “I just wasn’t sure. All I know is that I scare myself sometimes.”

I pressed my forehead against his own, “Well, then I guess we’re two people who have nothing to fear other than ourselves.”

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ssa-babygirl · 4 years

Text

Out of my League [Part 5]

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader

Word count: 4.1k

Summary: A night out with the team leaves you and Spencer with so much unsaid, despite how much he spills to you while you’re drunk and half asleep.

Warning(s): Mentions of past addiction, alcohol consumption, some swear words, mentions of past bullying, EXTREME PINING

Author’s Note: I told yall this chapter wouldn’t take 10 years. just like... a week and a half. I promise I’ll do better lmao also enjoy the fluff cuz uh,, yall are gonna hate me next chapter oops

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

Washington D.C., 2009

(Reader POV)

Rossi’s dinner party would not be the last time Spencer had to drive your drunk ass home. It happened two or three in the two years since that night. Dave meant it when he said you were one of them. Whenever they went out for drinks after a case, you would get a text from one of the girls asking if you wanted to come. Your mom living a few blocks away from you was helpful because you just needed to drop Jamie off and head over to O’Keefe’s. You very rarely went overboard because you normally had to drive home, but tonight was not one of those nights.

The team had just gotten back from a local case in Bethesda, so Emily offered to pick you up on her way back. Hotch gave them all the rest of the night off after they made the arrest, but Spencer, always the workaholic, still wanted to finish up his paperwork before going out.

Your mom came to get Jamie and take him back to her house, so you were free to get all dressed up for a night on the town with your friends. You didn’t want to look too formal since most of them were still going to be in their work clothes, so you got out a cute green button-down blouse and tucked it into some high-waisted jeans. You put on your favorite locket and let your hair down. You went with a light makeup look, just brows, cheeks, and lashes. You were all set by the time Emily pulled up in front of your place. You strapped up your wedges and grabbed your purse, heading out the door, excited to see everyone after they’d been so busy.

“Hey! You look nice!”

“And you’re not so bad for fresh off a crime scene.”

“Should’ve seen me catch the guy, I looked amazing.”

“I’m sure you did, Em.”

Emily told you about the case, or rather just the ending. You only liked to hear her stories when they had happy endings. This one was pleasant enough, but you had a feeling that she was leaving some details out since it was apparently so bad that even Spencer would be tagging along for drinks.

When you got to the bar, Derek and Penelope were already sitting at a booth in the back with Aaron and Dave. Penelope hopped up from her seat to give you a hug as soon as you approached the table.

“Hey, there she is,” Morgan smiled over his beer.

“Reid’s not driving tonight?” Aaron asked.

“He texted me, he’s on his way, he wanted to finish his paperwork back at the precinct.”

“So what I’m hearing is you finally have time to tell us stories about Reid in high school,” Dave said with a smirk.

“No, come on, he’ll kill me,” you settled into the booth.

Emily snorted, “I’d be surprised if he even found it in him to be mad at you.”

“Oh, it’s happened before.” Your face scrunched up at the memory of what happened that day on the football field.

“Really?” Penelope seemed shocked.

“Yeah I’d… Rather not talk about it.” You didn’t know if Spencer had told the team about the Alexa Lisbon incident, so you didn’t want to talk about how he had been so angry with you for babying him.

“Oh, come on, the kid was in love with you,” Derek prodded, “What’d you do?”

You elected to ignore his comment, “No, it was just stupid.” You could still talk about Kyle, though. The team knew the story of how you’d met Spencer, they just didn’t know about how upset he was when he found out you got back together with Kyle just a few months after you dumped him.

“We love hearing about the stupid things you did!” Garcia squealed.

You stared at the table and fiddled with a napkin to avoid eye contact as you said, “I dated one of his bullies.”

Dave was the first to break the silence, “But Reid said you broke up with him when you found out.”

You bit your lip and hesitated before owning up to it, “Did he tell you that Kyle is Jamie’s dad?”

Emily gasped, “No way!”

“We barely spoke outside of tutoring after that between him being scared of Kyle and basketball season. We were both busy with our teams.”

“Reid played basketball?” Aaron asked, amused.

“He was the coach.” You managed to crack a slight smile, “Budget cuts. But, hey, it was for the best, that was our best season in years.”

“Hard to believe he could focus on strategy with you cheering from the sidelines.” Derek wiggled his eyebrows and took another sip of his beer.

You were quick to change the subject, “So is JJ coming?”

Emily shook her head, “She went home after the case cuz she missed Henry.”

“Oh that boy is the sweetest little thing, I miss when Jamie was that little.”

Aaron sipped his whiskey, “How old is he again?”

“Ten. I’m old, don’t remind me, it’s fucking me up.”

“Ah! Language, bella.”

“Sorry Dave. But speaking of getting effed up, I’ll go get the next round.” You stood and took everyone’s drink orders: Dave and Aaron were sharing an expensive bottle that Dave had already paid for, Emily wanted a martini, Derek just asked for another beer, while Penelope ordered the most elaborate cocktail on the menu, but luckily it was her usual, so you had it pretty much memorized by now.

You strolled up to the bar and gave the bartender the order, which he got right on. He started with giving you Derek’s beer, then Em’s martini, then your rum and coke, before getting to work on Penelope’s ridiculously fruity drink. An older man stalked into your field of view with a beer in his hand, grinning dumbly.

“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

You snorted, “Has that line ever worked?”

“Truth be told, I’ve never used it.”

“Well you don’t have a great success rate right now, bud.” You looked over the man’s shoulder and made eye contact with Penelope, who turned to Derek and gave him a heads up.

“Well let me buy you a drink, maybe it’ll work better the second time around.”

“Oh, no, thank y—”

“No, come on, what’s one drink?”

You grabbed the tray with everyone’s drinks and started to pass him, “I should really get back to my friends.”

“Hey, I won’t keep you long,” He caught you by the arm and the last thing you saw before he turned you to face him again was Penelope leaping up from her seat to let Derek through, “what are you drinking?”

“Babygirl, how long does a beer take?” Derek stepped up behind you and placed a delicate hand on the small of your back, “This guy bothering you, doll?”

The man dropped his hand from your arm, “We were just talking.”

“Really? ‘Cuz to me it seems like you were trying to put the moves on my girl.”

“Babe, it’s fine,” you caught on quickly, placing a hand on Derek’s chest to keep up the ruse of holding him back, “I’m just waiting for Pen’s drink.”

“Get the hell out of here, man.” Derek glares and the other man leaves reluctantly. “You okay?”

You nodded, “Thank you.”

“Hey, no problem, sweetheart.” He withdrew his hand from the small of your back, “Wouldn’t want Pretty Boy to get jealous.”

You felt your face heat up as your eyebrows knit together, feigning confusion.

“Oh, come on, Y/N, you can’t seriously tell me you don’t see it.”

You played dumb, “See what?”

He sips his beer, “You don’t need to be a profiler to see the way he looks at you, Y/N.”

“Oh, god, first my mother, now you too?”

“I’m serious, I’ve only seen him like this one other time.”

“When?”

“On a case a few years ago. There was this actress we were helping out, Lila Archer.”

“Lila Archer? The Lila Archer?”

“Yeah, she had a little crush on Reid for a bit. They made out once.”

“They what?”

He laughed, “What’re ya jealous?”

“No!” Maybe? “It just seems so unprofessional, I wouldn’t have pegged him for a guy who would--”

“Hook up with a movie star? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. It didn’t work out with them, obviously, he said she only felt that way about him because he saved her life.”

“What does this have to do with me?”

“Ever thought about how you protecting him his whole life may have had a similar effect?”

“Showing him basic human decency didn’t make him fall in love with me, Derek.”

“No, but saving his life did.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think that’s more of a question for Pretty Boy himself.” Derek nodded his chin over your shoulder. You followed his gaze and saw Spencer coming up behind you, grinning as he neared the bar.

“Hey.”

“Hey, haircut! Lookin’ good!” Your fingers laced through his shaggy locks and messed up his new boy band-esque style.

A faint blush spread across his cheeks as he fixed his hair, “T-Thanks.”

“When you lovebirds feel like talking to the rest of us, I’ll be at the table with the rest of the team.”

You roll your eyes and turn back to the lanky boy next to you, “Lemme buy you a drink, Spence.”

“Oh, no thank you. I’m driving. And also did you know--”

“You can just say you don’t want it.”

“No, I do. That’s the problem.”

Your face contorted with confusion until it suddenly clicked, “Oh… Has that ever been a problem for you before?”

“Not anymore, and not alcohol, but yeah.”

“Wait, Spence, why didn’t you tell me? I-I’m not mad, it’s your choice, obviously, but I could have helped.”

“You did.”

“I did?”

“Remember that one time I was too sick to talk on our Saturday call?”

“Yeah?”

“I had just gotten back from a case in New Orleans. Remember Ethan from school?”

You nodded, holding onto every word.

“He’s in a jazz band down there now. He talked me into getting help. When you called, I was at the lowest point of withdrawals, shaking so hard I couldn’t sleep, and completely alone. I almost didn’t pick up, but I knew you wouldn’t accept that,” he laughed nervously, “and when I heard your voice…”

He trailed off, finally meeting your eyes.

“When I said I wasn’t feeling well, you said ‘I’m putting Jamie down for the night, wanna hear his bedtime story?’”

You both found yourselves smiling slightly at the memory.

“Not once, during any book I’ve read, had I fallen asleep so easily as I did when you read me The Very Hungry Caterpillar.”

He took a deep breath, almost shuddering, “It was the first time I slept without nightmares since Tobias Hankle.”

You remembered that name. He’d come up in conversations from time to time but you never heard anything about his case. He was always a touchy subject for the team, and now you knew why.

“How long ago was this?”

“Almost three years ago.” He didn’t even have to think about it.

“Spence, you could have told me. You can tell me anything.”

“Anything?” He gulped.

You reached for his hand on the bar and felt it tense under your touch. You’d think after how long you’d known him his touch aversion wouldn’t be an issue with you anymore, but apparently not. Feeling your cheeks heat up, you withdrew your hand as if you burnt your hand on a hot stove and let out an awkward scoff, turning away to look back at your friends, who tried and failed miserably at making it look like they weren’t watching you and Spencer.

“We should…”

“Yeah… w-we should.” Spencer passed you and sat down next to Derek in the booth, leaving you in your usual spot next to Emily with your first of many drinks that night.

3 Hours Later

(Spencer’s POV)

I helped her into my car and buckled her up after she couldn’t find the seatbelt. When I got into the driver’s seat, I glanced at her to see if she was still conscious, only to see her dopey smile directed at me.

“What?” I laughed nervously.

“Nothing,” she slurred, dragging out the ‘ing’ and turning her head towards the window.

“You okay?”

She nodded and leaned her head against the glass as I pulled out of the parking lot. She was quiet for the most part during the drive, so I assumed she was asleep, so imagine my shock when she piped up as soon as I parked in front of her place.

“Can you walk me in?” she asked as if I could say no to her.

“Of course.” I was going to regardless. I helped her out of the car and she stood on wobbly legs. She groaned and looked at her feet.

“Hold this.” She shoved her purse into my arms and placed a hand on my shoulder and hopped up to take off one of her heels, tossing it onto her seat before repeating her actions on her other shoe. She grabbed the pair and marched up the path to her front door. I trailed close behind, just in case she stumbled, which she did.

She fumbled for her key when she suddenly remembered that I had her purse. I dug through the pockets and fished it out, tossing it to her once I got close enough. She instantly giggled as soon as I met her eyes.

“What’s so funny now?”

“Nothing, Spence,” she failed to stifle a smile as she tried to open the door, “You have nothing to worry about.”

I stepped in beside her, “Well you’ve been awfully quiet since we left and now you’re laughing at me!”

“I’m just thinking!”

“That can’t be good,” I joked, prompting her to lightly slap my arm, “Kidding! What are you thinking about?”

“Don’t worry about it!”

“No, now I’m curious!”

“Just something stupid Derek said before you came tonight.”

“Oh jeez, now I have to know.” She climbed up the staircase and down the hallway in front of her bedroom. She twisted the knob and pushed open the door. I stepped in after her and placed her purse down on the dresser. She flopped down on the bed, shuffling under the covers, not even bothering to change out of the clothes she wore to the bar. I grinned down at her. She looked like an angel snuggled up in the sheets.

“Comfy?”

“Very.”

“Good. Call me if you need anything, Y/N,” I started to walk towards the door.

“Did you have a crush on me in high school?”

I paused.

“W-Where’d you get that from?” Nice job, genius, that doesn’t sound guilty at all.

“That’s what Derek said.” She was now sitting up in bed.

Okay, but how did he know that?

“How did this come up exactly?”

She explained how the team was trying to get her to tell them embarrassing stories about me as a kid (sidenote: not cool, guys) and my dear old friend Kyle came up. She said that Morgan brought up transference, where a person experiences something traumatic and associates their “hero” with safety and feelings of relief after being helped.

“He said one girl you helped in a case had feelings for you and the way you explained transference to Derek sounded like you were speaking from experience.”

Great. This is what I get for only having friends on the team. My best guy friend is also a profiler who can read me like a book. Awesome.

I let out a deep sigh and sat down in the chair next to her bed, “I was.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Yeah. Because that’s where it all started for me. A pretty girl told off one of my bullies and showed me basic human decency--”

“Aw, Spence, you thought I was pretty?” She teased, eliciting a chuckle from me.

“Of course I did. Y/N, you were the head cheerleader that came to me for help with chemistry and tousled my hair and bought me McDonald’s whenever our study sessions ran late. To twelve-year-old Spencer you were this perfect, unattainable princess--”

“Princess?” She giggled and it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard, “I like that.”

“Yep.” I laughed with her, “A princess who lived in a beautiful castle with posters on the walls and sparkly beads on the curtains and Doctor Who playing on the TV and a mom that always invited me to stay for dinner and I’m rambling again but that’s perfectly fine with you because you actually cared about what I had to say, especially when I would talk about Shakespeare because A Midsummer Night’s Dream was your favorite assigned reading and--” I stopped myself before it slipped out.

I love you. I’ve said it a million times to her in a million different ways but I knew at that moment that if I said the actual words that I wouldn’t be able to take them back, not that I would ever want to, I just want her to be present when I told her the first time. If I said it now it would be the first time she’d hear it from me and she wouldn’t even remember it when she woke up.

“And what?” She still smiled at me so brightly that the dimly lit room was lit up by the gleam in her eyes.

I smiled back, “You’re my best friend.”

Her grin somehow grew wider, her eyes scrunching up, but the sparkle was still there, “You’re my best friend too.”

If I hadn’t already decided against it, I would have said it then. I would have repeated those words over and over again until the words lost all meaning, only they never would because they felt like they meant the world to me. But I wouldn’t let myself start. Instead, I just looked at her like she was the moon and stars and all the space in between and said, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Spence, wait,” she murmured, further burying herself in her covers.

“What now?” I whined, the smile still present on my face.

“I think you’re pretty too.”

It had never been harder for me to resist the urge to kiss her than in that moment. Every fiber of my being screamed to sit back down, lean over her pillow, take her face in my hands, and crash my lips to hers. And for a split second, I thought I would. I almost did. I almost gave myself everything I had ever wanted for sixteen years, four months, and eleven days, but I couldn’t.

“And I think you’re drunk.”

“Spencer Reid!” She squealed, “Just cuz I’m drunk does not mean that you aren’t pretty!”

“Oh really?”

“Yep! ‘Cuz guess what, genius?”

“What?”

“I think you’re pretty when I’m sober, too.”

If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was trying to drive me insane. And you know what?

It was working.

While I was lost in my thoughts, no doubt staring at her, she let out a tiny yawn and snuggled deeper into her pillow. A piece of hair fell in front of her eyes, hooded yet still shining. I brushed the hair out of her face and told her to get some rest.

“Good idea. I’m sleepy,” she dragged out the e and yawned again, “Goodnight, Pretty Boy.”

“Goodnight, princess.” I chuckled softly. My fingers still lingered just behind her ear, so I stroked her hair once more and pressed a small kiss to her forehead once I was sure she was asleep. Her cheeks twitched in a barely conscious smile, making me grateful for my eidetic memory again. I went to the kitchen and took a glass from the cabinet, filling it up in the sink and placing it on the nightstand with some aspirin.

I took a sheet of some stationery and scrawled out a note for her in the morning:

Make sure you stay hydrated. There’s more aspirin in your cabinet but wait a few hours to take it. Call me if you need anything. -S.R.

The Next Morning

(Reader’s POV)

The coffee machine made too much noise. Your head was pounding despite the fact you took an aspirin a few minutes ago. Now you played the waiting game, hoping it would kick in soon. When the pot was finally done, you poured yourself a cup, hoping it would help wake you up. You normally wouldn’t drink coffee this late, but you needed it. Just as you took your first sip, your mom came through the front door with Jamie in tow carrying his pajamas in a shopping bag. He said good morning to you and ran upstairs to his room.

“Did you just wake up?”

“Yes.”

“Y/N, it’s almost noon.” You could hear the judgment in her voice.

You took a sip of coffee, “It’s 11:05.”

“I take it you had fun at O’Keefe’s last night?”

“Yeah,” you grumbled, rubbing your eyes.

“How’d you get home?”

“Spence drove me.”

Her eyes widened, excited. She lowered her voice to ask, “Is he still here?”

“Mom!” You whisper-yelled.

“I was just checking!”

“No, he’s not, he dropped me off and went home.” You decided to leave out the whole “putting you to bed” part.

“How’s your hangover?”

“Better with aspirin.”

“Have you been drinking water?”

“A little,” you lied.

“No more coffee until you finish a glass.” She took your mug and dumped its contents down the drain.

“Wh—” You start, “Mom, I’m not a kid.”

“Just drink your damn water.”

“Jesus,” you groan, still making your way to the stairs and heading up to your room, where your water had been put on your nightstand the night before. Under the glass was a note that you didn’t notice when you first woke up. You recognized the chicken scratch handwriting immediately: Spencer.

“Make sure you stay hydrated. There’s more aspirin in your cabinet but wait a few hours to take it. Call me if you need anything. -S.R.”

You smiled as you read the words over and over. You put the note down and took a sip from the glass. You reached over to your phone on the nightstand and dialed his number. It rang twice before Spencer’s voice crackled over the speaker, “Hey, how’re you feeling?”

“Better, thank you.”

“Of course. Did you drink the water I gave you last night?”

“Some of it.”

“Good, did you eat?”

“No.”

“I’m going on my lunch break in a bit, wanna meet up?”

Your heart fluttered at the offer, a small grin tugging at your lips. You nodded, unable to find words enthusiastic enough to express how much you’d like that, before settling on “Yeah! Sounds good!”

“Perfect! There’s a new thai place downtown I’ve been meaning to check out, how about there?”

“Sure! I’ll meet you at Quantico?”

“See you then!”

“Bye,” you all but sighed into the receiver before snapping out of it. You always tried to keep that part of you beneath the surface, but it wasn’t as easy as it used to be. You didn’t remember much from last night, but you did remember calling him pretty boy and making him blush. You remember him tucking you in and calling you princess and brushing your hair out of your eyes. You remembered how your chest swelled with light as he pressed his lips to your forehead, and the soft chuckle he let out seeing you smile against your pillow.

You hopped in the shower and got dressed, fixing yourself just enough to pass for a functioning adult who did not get sloppy drunk in front of her best friend’s coworkers last night. You told your mom you were going out for lunch, and she happily agreed to babysit for a few hours while you were with Spencer.

“Have fun on your date!”

“Not a date!” You almost couldn’t tell who you were talking to, her or you.

You got to Quantico about a half-hour later and were met by Dave in the bullpen.

“Oh, look who’s joined the land of the living!”

“Oh, come on, I wasn’t that bad last night. I could have been Penelope.”

“That is true, bella, but it was still a Thursday,” Dave chuckled, “The kid’s in Aaron’s office, he’ll be out in a sec.”

“Thank you,” you said and walked over to Spencer’s desk, sitting down in his chair and making small talk with Emily while you waited. A few minutes later, you saw him walk out of the office, eyes immediately landing on you.

Taglist~~~

Lmk if you wanna be added! Some names didn’t work so if you don’t see your name as a tag just dm me a url and I’ll try to fix it

@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @baby-pogue @purelyprentiss @confused-and-really-hungry @thatsonezesty13 @deni-gonzalez @irjuejjsaa @randomfandomshitposts @bisoner @moonstarrnghtsky @smurfflynn @eldahae @t0xicllama @undeniablyyou @staplernpaper @theweirdobella @sammypotato67 @k-k0129 @helloniallslovelies @dazzlingnights @uhuhuh @booksarekindaneat @crimeshowtrash @carlgrxmes @collectiveuniverses @annesauriol

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid #mgg smut #mgg x reader #mgg imagine #mgg fanfiction #mgg #cm imagine #cm fan fiction #CM #criminal minds imagine #Criminal Minds Reid #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #Criminal Minds

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libraryofloveletters · 4 years

Text

Outfits

Since Spencer returned from prison, things have changed. One thing that hasn't changed ? His outfits.

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, cursing, alcohol consumption, allusion of sex, making out

Category: fluff/smut (if you look really hard?)

Word count: 1.6k

Author's Note: this picture and my love for Spencer in glasses and that pink shirt is the inspiration. #thepinkshirtreturns

-----

Today was supposed to be a quiet day at home with your boyfriend. Spencer was always on the go, especially since he returned home from prison. He threw himself into work and when he’s not working, he’s teaching. He had promised you that the two of you would spend the day getting wine drunk and cooking dinner, although you both know you’d end up ordering a pizza. That promise was broken when Garica called Spencer not even halfway through your day.

You were getting ready when you heard the phone ring, Spencer was still in the shower so you answered for him. “Hi Penelope” “oh hello my gorgeous, how are you?” “I was great until you called, you guys have a case don’t you?” Spencer walked into the bedroom, hair wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. Penelope sighed “afraid so, let boy wonder we need him here soon” “will do Penny” you hung up and turned to Spencer. Sighing, you sat on the bed, “I have a case don't I?” you nodded. “I’m so sorry baby, you know I’d stay if I could” “I know, get dressed. I’ll pack some clothes for you” You knew he loved his job, you didn't want to be a bitter girlfriend and make him pick between you and his job. You could never do that to him, it would break his heart. Spencer went off to get ready while you started to take clothes out the closet for him. You had created a pile of clothes on your bed, then you turned to the dresser to get a tie for him. You opened the drawer and started tumbling through it for ties to match. Something pink caught your eye, you knew Spencer didn’t have any pink ties and curiosity got the best of you. You pulled it out and smiled, it was the pink shirt he was wearing the day he met you.

*Flashback to 8 years ago*

You worked in a small coffee shop outside of the F.B.I head office. Most of your day was spent making coffee for snobby agents who were way over dressed for your coffee shop. You were about to close for the day, you were sweeping with your back to the door, which a handsome Agent Morgan had warned you about many times. “You never know who could be coming in sweets, pay attention” is what he had said after he scared you one afternoon. When you heard the chime on the door ring, you mentally groaned. “We’re closed” you turned around to see someone you had never seen before. He was tall and skinny, wearing a baby pink shirt and brown slacks, converses on his feet and glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. You noticed the F.B.I badge attached to his bag, he didn't look like the other agents, let alone old enough to be one. “Do you need something?” “oh um, yes please. My friend said you make really good coffee, I”m sure it’s better than what we have at the office” you chuckled “ oh yeah? who's your friend?” “Derek, uh Derek Morgan. He says he comes here all the time” You made a large for him and continued talking to him “you know Agent Morgan ? Are you his computer tech or something ?” “Actually, no. My name is Dr. Spencer Reid, I'm Derek’s partner. We work together at the Behavioural Analysis Unit” he told you proudly. You turned around and looked at him “Really? so you catch serial killers too?” “yes I do” “hm interesting” you picked a pen and scribbled something down on his cup, he watched you as you wrote. Handing his cup, he looked down to see you had written your number and your name on his cup. “Call me sometime Dr. Reid”

*End of Flashback*

You folded the shirt and slipped into his bag along with his other clothes, you grabbed his glasses from his nightstand and slipped it into the case and into his bag. He rarely ever wears them but you always pack them on the off chance that he might need them. When you came down with his bag, he was putting on his shoes “did you eat?” “yes, I had cereal and some coffee” you took his bag with you to the kitchen to check that he had actually eaten. Knowing if you had left the bag, he’d grab it and run out, shouting a goodbye to you. Seeing the dirty bowl and mug in the sink, you walked back handing him his bag “there you go doctor, all packed and ready to go” He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close, your arms around his neck. He leaned down and kissed you, you kissed him back and smiled “you know I don't want to leave you” “yes, but I also know your job comes first” you ran your hands through his messy curls. “It’s okay my love, I’ll be here when you get back. Just promise me that you’ll be safe” you stuck your pinky out, he wrapped his pinky around yours “I promise” He kissed you once more, this time was different. This wasn't a goodbye kiss, like the one he had given you the time you visited him in prison. This was a “I'll be back” kiss, you both pulled away, smiling at each other. “Be safe Spencer” “I will” he let go of you and headed out, turning back once more to give you a smile.

*A week later*

An empty bottle of wine and a half eaten box of pizza was sitting on your coffee table in front of you, you were wearing shorts and Spencer’s old Caltech sweater. He called earlier to let you know that the case is taking a little longer than expected and that he won’t be home for another few days. You were disappointed but there was nothing you could do but wait for him to come home and hope he doesn't get called off to another case. Flipping aimlessly through the channels, you heard the lock to the front door click. Unsure as to who it could be, seeing that Spencer is still away for a few more days, all the possibilities started running through your mind. You froze, watching the door as the lock opened and the door flung open.

Spencer stood there smiling at you “Surprise!” you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. “Christ Spence, you scared the fuck out of me” He laughed and walked in shutting the door behind him. He gave you a hug, picking you up and spinning you around. You giggled and made him put you down, you stepped back looking at him to make sure he didn't have any bruises or bumps anywhere. You took in his appearance, he was wearing the exact same outfit he had on the day he met you. The same baby pink shirt, the brown slacks, converses and even his glasses. You couldn't help but smile at him, he probably thought you were crazy for standing there just smiling at him. He looked down at himself “what is it? is something wrong?” “You were wearing that exact outfit the day we met” “I know, I found it in my bag and I thought I'd surprise you” Smiling, you kissed him, pulling him closer to you.

You ended up on the couch, straddling Spencer and making out like horny teenager who hadn't seen each other for months. You tugged on his hair and he moaned into your mouth. He pulled off your sweater, smirking at you, you knew he had some naughty idea in his head. His hands grabbed your ass as he stood up and walked towards your bedroom. “Tell me doctor, what dirty idea is roaming your head right now?” Laughing, he dropped you on the bed “Just wait and see” You looked at him, he looked like he wanted this but you could tell his mind wasn’t fully there. “Spence, are you okay?” you sat up on the bed, looking at him. He was holding back a yawn “I’m fine babe” “are you sure-” he cut you off with a kiss. He got on top of you and made himself comfortable between your legs. He started kissing down your neck, sucking on your pulse point “mhm babe” your hands found their way to his hair. You felt him smile against your neck, he continued down to your chest. Barely touching your skin, he glanced up at you

“please Spence”

“please what ?”

“touch me”

Spencer came back up to kiss you and began to move down your neck again. Moving down again, he kissed down your belly to your thighs. Tugging your shorts down your legs. He looked up at you with hunger in his eyes, he kissed your thighs. After a while he stopped moving, you glanced down to see Spencer was asleep. Chuckling, you slid out from under him and rolled him onto his back. Unbuttoning his shirt, you slowly pulled it off and took off his glasses. “Baby, come back” “one second bubba” you turned around to put his shirt in the laundry and by time you got back, he was asleep.

You got into bed and pulled the blanket over the both of you. Spencer rolled into your side and rested his head on your belly, nuzzling his head into you. You played with his hair as he cuddled you, a satisfied hum left his mouth. The love of your life was in your arms and you couldn’t be happier, you drifted to sleep, head full of happy thoughts.

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tweedlydumbtweedlydoo · 4 years

Text

Spencer Reid x reader

Request: You’re Morgan’s adopted sister and both of you work for the BAU. You’re in a relationship with Spencer and have managed to keep it a secret from Morgan.

Anon request: Helloooo! Could you write one where Morgan and reader are siblings (reader was adopted or fostered) where they both work at the BAU. But reader and Reid have to hide their relationship because even though Morgan loves Reid he’d kill him for laying a hand on his baby sister. Usually Garcia helps them get away by distracting Morgan but this time he finds them anyways. But he’s just more mad that they didn’t tell him than the fact that they’re dating. 🥺❤️ Love youuu!!! ///

A/N: I love this. Too cute. Thank you for your request!! xx (love you too!! )

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: {OPEN} CLOSED

I am currently taking requests for:

The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Elijah Mikaelson

Damon Salvatore

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan

Supernatural (I’m only up to season 2, so please don’t request something with spoilers)**

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNER

“Spencer, we should really get back to the team.” You whisper as he’s peppering kisses along your neck. His hand sliding down your thigh and hiking your leg around his hip, he presses himself against you. Letting out a groan your hands go to his hair.

“Penelope has it covered.” He starts kissing at the open skin on your chest where’d he’d unbuttoned your shirt.

“Spence, seriously, we really should get back to the team.” Your head goes back against the shelf behind you.

“If you insist." He sucks gently on the skin on your neck before stepping back, fixing his shirt and hair. “You want to come over to my house for dinner?”

“Sounds good to me.” You fix your shirt to the best of your ability and smooth down your hair as you step out of the room, glancing around, “Coast is clear.” You whisper and step aside so Spencer can walk out.

“I’ll go get us some coffee, you walk in first?” Spencer says, grabbing your ass once more before you walk through the doors of the BAU, which earns a squeal. You give him a glare as he walks off toward the kitchen. He winks in return.

As you make your way across the bullpen, to your desk, Penelope had Morgan cornered at his desk. She sees you walk in and quickly bids goodbye to Morgan before hurrying to you, “Your shirt.”

You glance down at your shirt and sure enough, the shirt was buttoned back up wrong. “Shit.” You mumble, quickly fixing them.

Penelope shields you from eyes, “Much better.” She laughs a little, giving you a nod before walking back to her office.

You make your way to your brother’s, adoptive brother that is, desk. The Morgan’s had adopted you when you were only a baby, so they were the only family you knew. As you grew older, you took particular liking to your older brother, Derek. He was the only boy in the family but you two were joined at the hip. He was only 5 years older than you. You were always following him around, even as a kid, wanting to be just like him. And he never complained. You weren’t like his other sisters; they were into dolls and pretty makeup, but you wanted to play action figures with Derek. You admired him and he was one of your best friends. So, you ended up following in his footsteps and was recruited by the BAU right out of the academy. Morgan taught you everything you knew.

You weren’t on the team a week, before you ended up on a date with the Dr. Spencer Reid. He made your heart swoon and he swept you off your feet with his jokes. You knew your brother would kill him if he found out about the two of you. Spencer was like a little brother to him and you were his little sister. He was very protective over you. You had one boyfriend in high school and Morgan made sure that didn’t last long. Boys were scared to even talk to you because they knew your brother was FBI Agent Derek Morgan. He told you, “You don’t need to focus on boys right now. Get an education.” and “No man will ever be good enough for my little sister.”

So, that’s why you and Spencer have now kept your relationship a secret for almost 6 months. Penelope was the one who figured out first. She’d walked in on you two in the kitchen, kissing. The rest of the team had left for the jet and you weren’t clear to go on a case yet, so Spencer was bidding you goodbye, thinking no one was there, but of course Penelope had walked in. You made her promise not to tell Derek, which she of course agreed too. She’d been a god send when it came to distracting Morgan, so you and Spencer could have alone time.

Morgan pulls his seat out from the desk, “We just got a case. JJ asked us to meet in the conference room.”

You nodded, “I’ll let Spencer know, he was getting coffee.”

The team had landed and spent the rest of the night at the Dallas, TX precinct, before deciding sleep would be a good idea. So the team and you headed for the hotel and sat around the lobby while Hotch dealt with getting rooms for everyone. Hotch makes his way over, “Here’s everyone’s keys. Everyone managed to get their own room this time.”

“Sweet.” Emily comments as she takes her key, the rest following suit.

You take a quick glance at Spencer who’s already giving you a look. You knew what this meant. As everyone went to their rooms, Morgan escorted you to yours.

“You realize, I can find my room on my own.” You say as you open the door.

He chuckles a little and nods, “Yes, I know, but I like to know you’re safe.” He motions down the hall, “I’m only at the end of the hall. Call if you need me.”

You nod before walking in the room. With a huff you throw your bag on the table. You groan as you slip off your shoes. Your feet aching from being on them all day. Then you toss yourself on the bed with a soft sigh. The bed is soft and fluffy. As you start dozing off there’s a soft knock on the door. You smile to yourself, knowing exactly who it is. Spencer.

The next morning you wake to the alarm on your phone going off. Rolling away from Spencer you check your phone. Oh shit. You’re late. You sit up startled, shaking Spencer, “Spencer! We slept in.”

Spencer groans in reply, throwing the pillow over his head. Usually you two would part ways at night so in the morning you both awake in your own rooms, not to raise any suspicion.

“Spencer!” You hiss, throwing his clothes on the bed, “you have to get up! Morgan will be here any minute to come get me!”

“Shit.” He mumbles into the pillow before sitting up, groggy. “We fell asleep last night.”

“Yes and now you have to leave before Mor-” You’re interrupted by a knocking on the door, “y/n, it’s me. We’re going down for breakfast.”

Your wide eyes meet Spencer’s. “O-Okay! I’ll be out in a minute! I uh I slept in!”

“Okay, I’ll meet you downstairs then. Hurry up though!” Morgan answers.

Spencer quickly stands and begins pulling his pants on, struggling, “We really should tell him. How much longer can we keep this from him?”

You dig through your bag and find another shirt and pants to slip into. “I know, but I’m terrified how he’ll react.”

A couple weeks later, you and Spencer were doing your thing, a quick make out session in the closet before anyone else arrived. You and Spencer froze when you heard Morgan’s voice, “Hey baby girl, have you seen y/n? I checked the kitchen but she’s not there. And her stuff is on her desk. So I know she’s here.”

“um.. I think she’s in the bathroom.” Penelope answers. It sounded like they were right outside the door.

“What about pretty boy? His bag is on his desk too but I haven’t seen him either.”

“Filing room for something. I think” There was a moment of silence and footsteps walking away.

“Maybe we should..” You start to say, “Yeah we should.” Spencer finishes for you. You two make your way out of the closet and into the bullpen to your desks. Morgan was no where to be seen.

As you were moving your coat and purse off your desk to sit down, Morgan spoke behind you, “How nice of you two to finally show up.”

You jump a little and faced him, “Geez, Derek you scared the shit out of me. I-I didn’t know you were here.”

He nods, looking you over before taking a sip of his coffee. He glances at Spencer who doesn’t meet his gaze. “Hey pretty boy..” He motions to his neck, “You got a little something.”

You cringed a little, seeing what your brother was talking about. You’d left a nice hickey on his neck. You thought you’d left it lower where his collar would cover it, but obviously you were wrong.

Morgan then turned to face you and smirked a little, “You could at least be a little more careful.”

Spencer’s face goes red and his hand goes up to cover his neck. Your eyes go wide, “What.. what um are you talking about?”

Morgan chuckles making his way to his desk, “I was wondering when you two were going to slip up.”

“I don’t know what your talking about.” You deny, taking a seat at your desk.

He gives a nod before stopping at Spencer’s desk. He leans on his hands against the desk. Spencer’s eyes meet Morgan’s. He’s like a deer caught in headlights. “You hurt her pretty boy... I’ll kick your ass.” He warns. His voice is calm and controlled. It’s actually frightening.

Spencer gulps and nods, “I-I won’t”

Morgan chuckles and pats Spencer on the back, “Good.” before sitting at his desk. You look between Spencer and Morgan, wide eyed. Wait, that’s it? No yelling at him for touching his baby sister? No punches being thrown? No threatening to kill Spencer?

“You’re so calm... it’s frightening. You’re not upset? No lecture telling me I can’t see him again?” You ask, shocked.

Morgan gives a shrug, “Look, you’re an adult. Both of you are adults. I’m more upset about the fact you two kept it a secret from me and used Garcia to help cover it up.”

“How did you-” You furrow your eyebrows, trying to figure out how he even figured it out. You two had been so careful. And how did he know Penelope helped?

“I’ll never reveal my secret.” He chuckles, giving you a wink. You knew exactly what happened and groan. Penelope Garcia spilled the beans to her chocolate thunder.

*******************************************************************************************

Hope you enjoyed it!! xx

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagines #spencer reid x #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds imagines #Matthew Gray Gubler #matthew gray gubler imagines #matthew gray gubler x reader

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insufferablelust · 4 years

Note

Hey I was wondering if you could do something cute with Spencer (earlier seasons) where reader (BAU) is really small and sweet in general but can outdrink anyone and he’s just like ‘how r u not dead???’ when the team all go out for drinks :))

hi angel! thank you for requesting this, i love the idea and you’ll see the result soon, but anyway yeah.. i might... gone a bit over with this one.. and i changed the story a bit i hope thats okay. Happy reading❤️

Sorry for grammatical errors!

SUPER FLUFF AND DRUNK-NESS!!

It was around 6 pm when the jet landed safely in Virginia, the team has just wrapped up a particularly gruesome complex case that left them exhausted but relieved nonetheless because they’ve caught the unsub. When they walked into the bullpen, they immediately saw Garcia sniffles as stepped out of her lair to hug each and every one of you— especially tighter around you, since you’re just so tiny and ‘hugable’ she said one time, in which you chuckled and return the hug as tight. “hey it’s alright, we’re okay. It’s over.” you whispered, knowing full well how much these cases could affect her, and she smiled warmly as she muttered a small “thank you (y/l/n)”

As everyone settled to write down some paperwork from the case files, Rossi abruptly stood before suggesting that you guys should celebrate the success you achieved today, Morgan was the first one to jump into the opportunity- hurriedly stacking his papers on his desk before dragging prentiss out of her chair “okay now c’mon, everyone— hey Reid! (Y/n)! Yes- you genius geeks will be there or you’re not scared are you einsteins?” the cheap threat causes a burst of laughter amongst the team including from Aaron, while you felt the warmth creeping up on your cheeks.

You see you rarely attended the ‘after celebration’ party they held, unless its in Rossi’s place, now that one you can’t pass up because Italian foods! but in all seriousness, it’s not that you don’t want to be with your teammates, it’s just that you’ve always been the life of the party ever since you were a teenager. Your friend Samantha used to called you out on your gift, of the ability to drink without a single trace of being drunk despite you being tiny, now that wouldn’t usually be a problem but things change when you have a major crush on your coworker, Dr. Reid.

If someone asked, what is it that draws you into Spencer? you could probably list more than 100 things. Ever since you joined, you and spencer immediately clicks, maybe because you both have a lot in common. From the way you love the same movies, types of books, and even have similar philosophical views- hence the nicknames that your teammates has given you both, Duo geek geniuses or Mr and Mrs. Einstein, lastly your favorite is Dr. and Mrs. Reid due to your similarities. You may never admit it, but every time Derek would use that one particular name, your heart feels like it may burst at any second. In conclusion, You’re whipped and you hesitated on him finding out just how wild you can be.

But before your better judgment can come to view, your smugness get the best of you. Standing straight, arms folded across your chest as you stare into derek’s eyes “We’ll see who passes out first, ‘chocolate thunder’” you replied, earning claps from your teammates including spencer whose smile is as wise as you can possibly imagine. what can you say? (Y/n) (Y/l/n) never backs out from a challenge.

Few hours later they arrived at a local bar near the building, (y/n) managed to yet again sit beside Spencer on a private booth, to her left is Prentiss, followed by Rossi, Morgan, JJ, then Penelope. Aaron needed to come home because Jack needs his father, (so that left the bau kids without their dad). As they chatter for a bit, your hand turned to look at Spencer, immediately noticing the slight uncomfortableness plastered on his face.

You ran your palm on his shirt covered arms, smiling gently “Hey, are you okay? do you wanna get out of here?” Spencer could tell that you’re being genuine, and caring which made his heart burst. “No, i’m okay (y/n) bars aren’t really my thing” He nervously giggles, scrunched up his nose and looked back at you. “Okay just let me know, spence” You patted his chest twice before returning to listen to the others.

Garcia had ordered shots for you to all drink, when it arrived your eyes widened at the sight of way too many shot glass filled with.. vodka you presumed, and 2 glass of coke and one glass of water. Everyone just stared back and forth between the drinks and garcia, which she replied with a “you guys said its a celebration” and before anyone can argue, morgan interrupts “Its okay babygirl, as i remembered that our sweet genius little miss (y/n) here have promised us she would drink tonight, and lots of it” his eyebrows are twitched as you lick your lips before leaning forward to take down the first shot.

“bring it on”

as it reached 12 AM all of the team has drown at least 3 shots, whilst you and Morgan’s count is higher than that. You heard a loud chuckle coming from your right as you gulped down a glass of water, turning to your side you can see spencer nursing his glass of coke that seemingly still full.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done to my sweet (Y/n)?” He said with a laugh, the straws that hang from his lips made your breath hitched and your fingers gripped the glass tightly at the sound of My sweet (Y/n). You composed yourself before mumbling,

“Hey thats not nicee! i’m right here still the same, what? you don’t love me when i’m drunk?” and if you think that doesn’t effect every neurons in his system then you’re dead wrong because Spencer would’ve done anything to just squeeze you tight in his arms and hold you close while listening to your slightly drunken rambles. “No, god no angel. What i meant is that, i was just not expecting this side of you, i mean look around, you outdrank everyone— how are you not dead yet?” his voice is borderline high pitched but also rugged, which made you instantly blush, looking down before glancing at your drunk coworkers, giggling at the sight of them.

Rossi had left few moments ago if your memory is right, Will picked up JJ and a very drunk Penelope home, whilst Prentiss took a very very drunk half-passed-out-Morgan. After saying your mocking goodbyes, you and spencer stared at each other. Your gaze is drunk yet lovingly genuine, Spencer’s figure tower over you as he tucked some of your fallen hair behind your ears and smiles.

“How about i take you home?” He offered, which earned a small disappointment filled whined from you at the loss of his touch. Your eyes widen, hoping he didn’t hear that but of course he did and immediately wrapped his arms around your shoulder, keeping her warm by his side as he walked them both to her car.

“You’re awfully cuddly when you are drunk (y/n) this is the drunk you i thought i was going to see” he opened the passenger door for you, before slide into the driver seat and started driving. “well i’m sorry that you didn’t like this side of me i thought—“ before you continue to ramble your drunk thoughts out, Spencer reached to softly grip your hand in his and let out a breathy laugh,

“No! (Y/n) thats not what i meant, i mean- i always like you, i’ve always liked you since the beginning no matter how many sides you have on you, you’re smart, and funny, and you understand me- thats why i like you so don’t think for a second that i didn’t like you then, especially when you beat Morgan’s ass off” He rambles as you dreamily stare into him, half hearing what he said, before he freezes, and realized what he had said or basically confessed.

“hey uh-“

“uh huh, i like you too, Spencer reid”

“We’ll try again tomorrow when you’re sober”

“I’m pretty sure, my feelings will still be the same.”

“Mine too.”

————————

I KNOW THIS IS WAY TOO LONG TO BE CONSIDERED AS A BLURB IM SORRY SHJSKS ANYWAYS ENJOY AND SEND ME REQUESTS THANK YOU!!

#spencer reid fluff #spencer reid smut #criminal minds imagines #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid angst #spencer x reader #insufferableblurb #spencer reid blurbs #spencer reid blurb #spencer x y/n

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write-orflight · 4 years

Text

Songs to Play While Hunting a Killer: Chapter One

*Gif not mine*

Prev -> Next

Pairings: HotchxReader, Enemies to lovers

Rating: M

Words: 2.5K

Warnings: None right now, eventually will be smut

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: Y/N is a Bounty Hunter who always runs. Aaron is the Agent that stays behind, it was no mystery why they didn’t get along. When the two are called to revisit an old case together it’s no wonder old feelings revisit too.

AN: I’m taking some liberties with the reaper storyline but still keeping the basic crux of it. So please don’t attack me that it’s not exactly like the episodes I’m trying to fit it around the story. Message to be added to taglist! much love, Cia.

Chapter 1: Killer Queen by Queen

You stopped at the motel first to check out and change. Opting for a black cropped t-shirt, skinny black jeans and as always your leather jacket. You put your bags in your car and head to the FBI headquarters. Queen blaring in your stereo and suddenly remembering why you hated driving in the city. You parked in the parking garage and put the top on Lou, figuring you’d be separated for a while. As you say your goodbyes, you hear a low whistle behind you.

“Is that an 85 Miata?” The older gentleman asks.

You smile. “Close, 1990. How are you doing, Rossi?”

The man looked confused for a second before the realization took hold. “Y/N?” You nod and the man is sweeping you in a hug. “Look at you, bella, you’ve grown. And changed styles apparently.”

“Yea, that tends to happen over a decade, Rossi.” You laugh, following the man into the building. “What are you doing here though? Last I heard you were retired and rich?”

“Still rich, just not retired.” The man laughs. “What’re you doing here though? Last I checked your dad is actually retired.”

“Actually, Hotchner invited me to consult on a case.” You say. Rossi looks at you incredulously.

“Hotch? Willingly asked for your help?”

“Well, it was like pulling teeth but thankfully he’s not an idiot.”

“What happened with you kids anyway? You were inseparable back in the day.”

You frown. You didn’t like to think about that time in your life. “People change.”

“I’ll say, look at you kid. All leather and classic cars now.” He laughs, you laugh with him as he directs you into the BAU.

The two of you are immediately greeted by a brightly dressed blonde woman. “Hey Rossi!” She says to the man.

“Garcia.” He greets, gesturing to you. “This is--”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” She says, extending a hand for you to shake. “Hotch had me look into you, you are completely bad-ass! I read about how you went after that team of bank robbers last month that ended in a car chase. You’re like super cool, I’m Penelope.”

“Thank you, Penelope. Hotch made you look into me?”

“Oh yea, I’m the Tech Analyst for the BAU.”

“I assumed so, and he made you do a background check on me?” You ask, trying not to sound angry. It wasn’t her fault, but your tone betrayed you.

She looks at you awkwardly. “Umm, yea… Sorry?”

“Not your fault, excuse me.” You nod to the two people. Rossi tries to stop you but you dodge the hand going to your wrist and stalk up the stairs to your dad’s old office that was now Hotch’s. You slam the door closed and he looks up from files on his desk and levels you with an angry expression.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He says.

“You had a background check run on me?” You ask angrily. “When I’m already an approved consultant.”

“Of course I did, I needed to know what kind of person I’m sending out there with my team.”

“Which is why you read my file which already has my background check in it! Not to mention, you already fucking know me, Hotch.” You say, seething. “Don’t look into my life without my permission again.”

The two of you didn’t notice the team watching you from the bullpen below.

“Do you guys know who she is?” Reid says, looking to the group.

Emily shakes her head. “No, but judging by how they’re yelling at each other, Hotch definitely knows her.”

Penelope walks up to the group. “That’s Y/N Y/L/N. She and Hotch went to Academy together and she’s helping us with our next case. Which is what I came to tell you, we should head to the conference room now.”

The team is waiting in the conference room for 5 minutes before you and Hotch walk in. You’re still kinda pissed but you knew better than to make other people shoulder your bad mood, especially strangers.

“This is Ms. Y/N Y/L/N, she’ll be consulting with us this case-”

“Doctor.” You say. Hotch looks at you confused. “I went back to school after I quit the FBI.” You explain. “So it’s Dr. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“I didn’t know that.” He says.

“What? It didn’t come up in your unnecessary background check?” You say, the team including Hotch give a small grimace. You decide to ignore that and sit. “Shall we get started?”

A blonde woman cleared her throat. “Yea, we’re going to Boston, a couple was found dead in their car, the boyfriend was shot once in the head, and the girl was stabbed multiple times. We’re investigating to see if it was the Boston Reaper.”

A light skinned man speaks up at that point. “The Reaper is back? He hasn’t killed in a decade, how are we sure it’s not a copycat?”

“It’s him.” You speak up. The group looks at you, but you keep your eyes trained on the crime scene photos. “Is there any record of the male victim wearing glasses?”

You watch the woman who introduced herself as Garcia earlier type on a laptop for a minute before speaking up. “There’s no record of it, why?”

You push the photo towards Hotch so he could see what you were seeing. “It’s Foyet’s.”

He looks at it and nods. “Wheels up in 30.”

You pale for a second. “Up?”

“Yea, we have a jet now, Bella.” Rossi says, patting you on the back. You swallow roughly.

God, you hated flying.

—————————————————-

You really hated flying.

The team seemed pretty calm, expected since they fly so much but there was a reason why you liked driving Lou everywhere. Flying was… not your style.

“Fear of flying?” You look up to see the lanky kid from earlier looking at you.

��Fear of crashing.” You nod back.

“You know, turbulence hardly results in crashes. What you really have to worry about is microburst. The sudden down-pressure of air hitting a craft like this will capsize it.” He says smiling, you look at him in horror, knowing he was just trying to comfort you but accidentally did the opposite.

“You’re Dr. Reid, right? Gideon’s prodigy?”

“You knew Gideon?”

“I know Gideon. He was an agent on my dad’s team for years. I just had lunch with him about 2 months ago.”

“Months?” He says, confused. “I haven’t heard from him in years and you saw him months ago?!”

“Relax, it was purely by chance. I ran into him while working a bounty in Albuquerque and we decided we might as well eat lunch together while we were in the same place.” You shrugged. “He talked about you a lot though. Still keeps track of the work you’re doing, said he was proud.”

“Well, if he really was I’d hear it from him.”

“I know. Trust me I’ve called him an idiot multiple times for leaving the way he did but…. this life isn’t for everyone, it certainly wasn’t for me. It takes a toll and eventually something's gotta give.”

“Let’s go over the case, please.” You hear Hotch call out. You both instantly turn your attention to the man. You can’t help the nervous feeling in your stomach, it’s been a while since you worked an actual case that wasn’t already solved. You didn’t want to fuck this up. You watched Aaron and his team go over the details of the case, now with the information that you provided them earlier. You watched as his team regarded him with respect and the authoritative air he had about him now. Hotch had always been a serious person, you not so much. Back in the academy days you used to balance each other out. Now, all you did was clash.

“Do you have anything to add, Y/N?” Hotch asked. The team immediately turns to look at you.

You smirk. “If I had something to say I’d say it, Hottie.”

“Hottie?” The light skinned man from earlier questions, smirking at Hotch as well. Hotch ignores him leveling you with a serious look.

“I’ve already told you it’s Hotch or Hotchner now, Y/N.”

“Hotch.” You say, testing the word out on your tongue. You grimace. “Doesn’t have the same ring to it. I think I’m going to stick with Hottie, if you don’t mind.”

“I do.” He says, blankly.

“Well then, I guess it's good we have bigger things to worry about right now.” You say. He looks you in your eye, you look right back. You’ve never been scared of Aaron, you weren’t going to start now. The team was now watching the exchange intensely, you imagine that no one had really stood up to Hotchner before.

“Fine.” he says after a while. “Reid, JJ you guys head to the Field office. Morgan, Prentiss and Rossi head to the crime scene. And you.” he says, looking you back in the eye, you smirk. “You’re with me, you’re going to help us find George Foyet since he has no last known address. Show me how good you actually are at bounty hunting.”

“Oh, I’m more than good, Hottie.” You wink. Aaron rolls his eyes.

You sigh. Just like old times.

--------------------------------------------------

When you exit the plane, the FBI issued SUVs are already waiting. Before he could notice, you picked the keys out of Hotch’s pockets and slid into the driver's seat, putting your shades on to combat the baking sun. He looks confused for a second before just getting into the passenger seat. You put Queen on the stereo before peeling out. You drive for a while in silence, Hotch clearly watching you.

“What?” you say.

“Is this how you start all your cases? Because you seem to just be driving aimlessly and we don’t have tim--”

“Hottie, relax. I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“Hotchner.”

“Come on, there was a time when you liked me calling you Hottie.”

“Times change.”

You nod. “That’s true.” You say, you knew you and Hotch would never be the same after what happened. “Call your tech girl for me?” You ask.

Hotch nods and calls. You hear a voice on the line. “Talk dirty to me.” it says.

“Hey, it’s Y/N/N.” You say. “Can you tell me where Roy Colson works?”

“I can tell you what he ate for breakfast, honey. One second.” You continue driving listening to the faint clacks of Garcia’s typing. “Employee records say he’s employed at the Boston Examiner now.”

“Exactly what I thought, thanks Garcia.” You park. “We’re here.” You say getting out the car, Hotch falling into step behind you.

“How’d you know? Where Roy was?” He says.

You look at him confused. “Basic investigation skills? I may not have a fancy technical analyst but I do know how google works.”

The two of you walk into the building and are greeted by a woman seated at the front desk. You smile walking up to her. “Hi, Meredith? I think I spoke to you on the phone earlier.”

“Yes, Zoe right?”

Hotch looks at you confused but you just smile and nod. “That’s me.”

“I’ll show you back to Roy’s desk. He must be so excited you guys are visiting.”

“Yea, we’re just stopping in town before the honeymoon, thought we might surprise him for lunch.” If Hotch didn’t look confused before, he sure did now.

“If you head down this hall and to the left, his desk is in the far left corner. Have a fun lunch, Congrats on your marriage.”

“Thank you!” You say smiling, slipping your hand into Hotch’s. “Come on, honey. Let’s go.”

As soon as the receptionist is out of sight, Hotch is pulling his hand back like it was chemically burning him to be attached to you. “Hey! That could hurt a girl's feelings, you know.”

“Zoe?” He asked. “Honeymoon??”

“So I said a tiny white lie to get in. Roy wasn’t answering my calls.” You shrug. “I lie all the time on bounties.”

Hotch stops you from walking, stepping into your space to look you in the eye. “This isn’t a bounty, Y/N. It’s a federal investigation. This is unreasonably irresponsible and if you had been caught in your lie that’s the only thing the defense would need to call a mistrial. A serial murderer would go free because you can’t think for one second.” He’s angry, you’ve seen it before. And you want to get angry right back but for some reason the only that happens is butterflies in your stomach.

So not the time, Y/N… you think to yourself.

“Fine, no more lies. Only honest real investigation from now on. Scouts honor.” You say, saluting the man. He only rolls his eyes before continuing to walk down the hall.

The two of you walk onto the editing floor where you see Roy hunched at a computer desk. He looks up and sees you, eyes widening.

“How’re you doing, Roy?” you say.

“How did you find me?” He asks, you scoff.

“Finding people is literally my job description.” Hotch watches you lean back on his desk, arms folded. “You’ve been ignoring my calls, Roy.”

“I already told you I wasn’t comfortable giving up his location to you.”

“And I told you, it’s not for me it’s for him.” You nod, and Roy turns finally looking at Hotch. “Reaper’s back, which puts George at risk, so I’m going to need an address before Big Boy arrests you for obstruction of justice, ok?” You slide over the stack of post-it notes he had on his desk to him. “Write.”

Roy writes silently before sliding the pad back to you. You rip off the top note and smile. “Thank you. Oh and Roy?” You lean down, so that you’re eye level to him, looking him deep in the eye so he’d know you were serious. “If I see any of what we talked about today in tomorrow’s paper… I’m going to find you, for real. And Aaron won’t be here to protect you that time. Understand?”

The man gulps and nods. You tap him lightly on the cheek with your palm. “Always nice to see you, take care.”

You and Hotch walk out the building together. “Was there not a better way you could’ve done that?” Hotch says.

“That?” You ask. “That was nothing, It’s not my fault Roy is essentially a gopher.”

“You can’t just go around making vain threats to people for information, Y/N.”

“That’s literally how I do my job, Hottie. And I apparently do it well since I got the address.” You look at Aaron over the roof of the car. “Don’t question how I do my job, I won’t question how you do yours.” You say before getting back into the driver’s seat.

Aaron sighed a deep sigh, looking up towards the sky.

This was going to be a long case.

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