#''astral diary'' is a documenting astral things. ''astral projection diary'' is gonna be for documenting projection itself

[blackvahana]

Learning OOBE projection pt1, 5/1/24

Taking to Lev lately about getting into OBE astral projection, blah blah insert boring post introduction here.

Last night he sat with me in the Astral, bringing me back from my astral house (bilocating) to my bedroom. The usual: lie down however you’d feel comfortable sleeping, blindfold, music, but all orientated at the body sleeping comfortably as opposed to what others say about preparing oneself to leave by focusing on the body projecting instead of sleeping.

The details aren’t really necessary since, by its nature, it requires being there to understand, but Lev was guiding me into readjusting how I was seeing things. At the start he was lightly tracing my astral body’s head so I had a sensation to latch on to and correcting me when I went to see what he was doing through bilocation, instead I was to focus on feeling it through my physical body.

I was excited because I was already immediately feeling like I was semi-out-of-body, I needed to anchor that feeling but it felt already like, you know, I’m a little right in saying I am capable of doing a lot of things I just closed gates to. I was specfically excited because “this will be the first time I’ve done OBE things successfully”, no, Lev corrected me, it isn’t. It really isn’t and I had a feeling it wasn’t - more so I should know by now it wouldn’t be - and that’s something I need to be aware of. Part of why I convinced myself I was useless at this was because when I was with my ex and he/his brother were around.. Yeah. Lev showed me a memory of mine of getting up after successfully doing that and trying to walk into the hallway of my old house, they had some kind of fucking black gunk complex of shit that fucked with my head and scared me so I went back to bed… I already knew that I had successfully been to the Astral vividly when I was with them because, as I said when I was reconnecting with the Astral for the first time since then, I have vivid, fucked up memories of shit they did to me there, but anyway, I didn’t know I had done O(O)BE AP before.

At some point, I just got up and walked out bilocation style, out my room door into the darkness of the corridor. It was… nice. Because I felt immediate apprehension when I stepped out scared of the dark. As I said, my ex/his brother were already brought up, so stepping into that corridor I stood for a second and knew they stripped me of all my aspect except the ones they wanted me to have. They wanted to be the darkness and the only darkness, so it was theirs and not mine. Anyway. I slipped into night aspect and… Whatever who tf cares about this. Not me. There’s so much I was convinced I was unsafe navigating and that I had nothing to do with when in reality, the reason they had to convince me was because I was connected to these things. They wouldn’t have to convince me if it was actually true.

I went outside, cold, but nice, and said partially to Lev and partly to myself that I feel so restrained and smaller than I should be in the form I was taking. He said to go ham (paraphrased….) and helped me into a much bigger form, with which I hung off the sky complex I have above my house. Either I wanted to help or he prompted me, or both, but he was telling me I’m a big spirit, I know how to help people project, so do it to myself… An interesting experience that I barely remember. I know it was doing something and I remember feeling based on that that yeah, he’s right, I’m right, I know how to do this I’ve done it many times before, but I think at this point I was too close to sleep to remember clearly in this body.

Man that was a stilted slog to get out lmfao

Lev gives me a card from his deck, he says the pathways have been built and now need to be expanded, opened, pushed wider and wider until a channel/tunnel is built that I can move through when I want. That’s nice, honestly, I know why I dissociated into forgetting my astral experiences but it meant the world to me. That and my bones are aching with growth coming in, I just want to stretch my wings again.

A big key in what I was doing was mentally breaking down gates I’d closed or things that I saw were shutting me off done by myself. Binding myself with words to valuing projection over sleep, and various other things that came up… I don’t know. Next step feels like it’s going to be dragging myself into that darkness between things. That was foundational, in the Astral I remember moving around through/via my tendrils/tentacles/whatever you want to call them. The night and darkness is so central to me and an expression of myself that is just so… potent, important, vitally-bound. It was something wrung from me and taken and stripped away and strapped on to my ex where, yes, it was his aspect too! But like… I had to worship the night as purely external to me, blackness as purely external to me, etc. This is… My domain lmfao

I think I need to drop the human body for this and just crawl out of myself, actually.