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bts-fantasy · 4 years

Text

Hard to Face Reality

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst

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Beep. Beep. Beep.

Jimin turned the irritating noise of his alarm clock off and pulled the covers over his head in a desperate attempt to escape reality. The comfort of his bed was poisonous he thought to himself while fighting the urge to just stay in there all day and not turn up at work. But as always he was forced to entangle himself out of bed in order to pay the bills by the end of the month.

He followed his daily routine just like every other day without having to put much thought into it and soon he was ready to head out to his office. Grabbing his car keys he stopped at the big mirror in the hallway, as always, to take one last look of himself before going out into the world and as always there was this disturbing blank look on his face when he stared at his reflection.

He knew you were still fast asleep in your bed since you worked from home. Jimin sighed to himself at the thought of you trying to shake the suffocating feeling off just like every other day.

This was not how he’d expected his married life to become.

One last look into his own sad eyes and he closed the front door behind him.

***

You woke up to the roaring noise of the car engine as Jimin drove out of the driveway. You immediately felt the empty space next to you something you got used to over the last year. You tried to focus your mind on something else but couldn‘t help the deep sigh from escaping your lips at the thought of him.

You still had his wide smile etched in your mind when you first met Jimin at the party of a mutual friend. Every memory you shared with him was so close to your heart yet so far away and impossible to reach again. That smile was only a faded memory now...

What did we do wrong?

No matter how many times you‘d asked yourself that question the answer remained hidden from your view leaving you constantly trying to fix the lousy facade of the relationship you had.

You truly loved him but you weren‘t sure if that was enough anymore...

***

You weren‘t able to concentrate on your work because your mind was wondering about how Jimin was doing right now. The days where you‘d prepared his lunch for work were long gone ever since you found out that he didn‘t like the taste of your home-cooked meals. Still, you were worried if he got enough to eat at the office since you knew how he tends to forget the time when he’s focused on his work.

Again there was that small voice inside of you trying to bring you to your senses that things should be different between you two but you shrugged it off by telling yourself that after all, marriage was hard work.

After several hours of half focused working, you decided to take a shower and make dinner. You turned on the old stereo to lift your mood up a little bit and danced along to the beat as the sound of your frying pan got mixed with the music playing in the background creating a perfectly domestic atmosphere around you. This was the part where your husband would come home from work and surprise you by hugging your waist from behind, you thought with a sudden ache in your chest.

Why do I do this to myself?

***

Jimin stood in the doorway watching you move your body offbeat to the stereo. The kitchen was filled with various smells of seasonings and overcooked chicken but he couldn‘t help the way his stomach rumbled at the thought of food. He had totally forgotten to eat lunch while trying to get his work done before his shift ended.

Watching you while you were focused on cooking Jimin leaned his head on the doorframe thinking back to the time where this sight would‘ve filled his heart with so much pride and overwhelming love only to realize how dull and empty he felt right at that moment. It was a hard landing back into reality with a feeling as if his soul had been sucked out of his body and all that was left was an emotionless shell that followed a trained routine day after day.

He‘d become exactly what he‘d feared all his life...

Without catching your attention he turned on his heels and walked away with his stomach still rumbling.

***

As expected Jimin didn‘t show up to the dinner table so you ate by yourself while watching your series to feel a little less lonely. The unsettling feeling in your chest grew stronger with each passing day and something told you that it wouldn‘t go away anytime soon.

After cleaning up you head back to your shared bedroom where you saw your husband sitting on the bed with his eyes focused on a novel. The familiar lump started to form in your throat at the sight of him and how he seemed so close yet so many miles away from you.

He didn‘t even feel like yours anymore...

”Did you eat?“ You finally managed to break the heavy silence around you causing Jimin to look up from his book. The empty expression in his eyes only pushed the knife further into your chest and you tried to remain calm while he nodded silently.

That was how you talked to each other these days and the little voice in your head was not so little anymore as it yelled at you for being so naive. You climbed into bed next to him and laid there for a while trying to fight back the tears burning behind your eyes until Jimin turned off the light at one point and let the darkness swallow you whole.

***

„You need to spice things up a little bit Y/N.“

You scoffed at the advice from your best friend and shook your head even though you knew he couldn‘t actually see you.

„Taehyung, you know me. I‘m not that kind of girl.“

You heard the long dramatic sigh on the other end and rolled your eyes.

„No wonder Jimin‘s like that when you‘re so boring.“ Right after the words were out he immediately regretted to have ever let them out of his mouth. You had stopped in the middle of the room staring at the wall where your wedding picture was still hanging beautifully framed.

„Y/N, I‘m so sorry, I didn‘t mean-“

The rest of the apology got cut off because of your thumb pressing the decline button. There was no use in trying to stop the tears from pouring down your cheeks and so you finally collapsed on the floor.

Everything you‘d been keeping inside for so long came crashing down all at once and you just let it out since nobody was there to hear you anyway. The loneliness you felt at that moment was something you wouldn‘t even wish upon your worst enemy.

You didn‘t know how long you‘d laid there in fetal position but at one point along the silent screams, you had no tears left to cry anymore.

The sound of your doorbell pulled you back into reality and you quickly got up and ran to the bathroom splashing cold water into your face in hopes to look somewhat presentable and then rushed back to the front door to open up.

Taehyung‘s eyes immediately widened as soon as he caught a glimpse of your red eyes and puffy cheeks. Even though you wanted to push him away he pulled you into a warm hug and you couldn‘t help but let i happen. You knew that he would never hurt you on purpose and the way he kept mumbling apologies after apologies while gently stroking your hair made the pain ease a little bit.

„Come on, let‘s watch a movie together. I‘ll go grab some snacks and you get the blankets ready just as in the good old days!“

Without waiting for a response he skipped his way into your kitchen with his hair bouncing up and down. You couldn‘t help but smile at the sight and collected every fuzzy blanket you owned to make it as comfortable as possible for you two. This was something you and Taehyung had been doing since elementary school and you had to admit that it’d helped you every time when either of you was feeling down. Cuddling into the warm comfort that your best friend and the blankets were offering you soon forgot about the thoughts that had been haunting your mind.

***

„Y/N... wake up!“ Taehyung hissed poking your side as you slowly opened your eyes but you were staring right into Jimin‘s furious face instead. To your left Taehyung looked as if he was about to cry and you realized in what kind of situation you were in.

„I can‘t believe this!“, Jimin yelled and you flinched at the aggressive tone of his voice. Not once had you seen him lose his temper like this and it sent shivers down your spine. You tried to calm him down but he wasn‘t ready to listen and instead almost threw himself on Taehyung if you hadn‘t stepped in between them to stop him.

„What the hell Jimin? You know Taehyung is my best friend! Why-“, before you could finish your sentence he’d pushed you away so hard that you crashed right back into Taehyung‘s chest. Luckily he was able to catch you before you collapsed and you stared in shock at your husband. Jimin‘s eyes had suddenly turned as big as apples while he stared at you and his hands in turns trying to process what he’d done.

„Y/N, I‘m so-“

„You asshole! Try touching my best friend one more time and I swear to god I‘ll end you!“ Jimin flinched at the enraged behaviour of Taehyung whose arms were still around you protecting you like a shield. You were shaking like a leaf but you knew that this was a fight between you and Jimin only. Taking a deep breath you turned to face your best friend and asked him kindly to leave.

„Y/N... are you sure? What if he tries to hurt you? I could never forgive myself if something happened to you.“ You looked back over your shoulder to Jimin whose eyes were now fixed on his shoes with one hand running through his hair nervously.

„Don‘t worry, Tae. I‘ll be fine.“ Your voice was trembling and your heart was hammering against your chest but you told yourself that you‘d be fine while sending internal prayers that it turns out to be the truth.

Taehyung wasn‘t satisfied with your answer but he respected your privacy and left after making you promise that you’d call him if you needed anything.

Once you were alone Jimin strode forward crossing the living room trying to reach out and touch you but the way your eyes widened in fear made him stop dead in his tracks.

„Y/N, I‘m so sorry.“

He whispered lowering his hands to his side with a defeated look. You let out the breath you‘d been holding in all this time and walked past him to sit down on the couch. Jimin followed you reluctantly both of you knowing too well that this conversation had exactly two possible outcomes and you knew which one was the more probable one.

For a while, neither of you said a word as both of you were stuck in your own minds trying to find the right words to start the conversation.

„Jimin...“

„Y/N...“

Again the room was filled with silence since both of you started talking at the same time. However, Jimin gestured you to continue and you swallowed the lump in your throat to say the words which were long overdue.

„What are we doing to ourselves?“

The question was left unanswered because neither of you had an idea what to say. You noticed the way his eyes became redder and slowly filled with tears and it devastating to see him in such a state.

„I still love you, Jimin. I want us to work out but-“

„I don‘t think I can.“

Jimin stared at his hands not wanting to watch your face while he ripped your heart out. You should‘ve known that this would be his answer but you still couldn‘t stop his words from tearing your heart into tiny little pieces so effortlessly.

„Y/N, I‘m so sorry but I... I don‘t think I want to fight anymore. Why are we still trying to fool ourselves? We don‘t love each other anymore.“

Every single word just slammed your face into the ice-cold reality and there was no escape anymore. You saw the cracked walls of your marriage finally crash down burying you in midst of the chaos stealing your breath and there was absolutely nothing you could do to save it anymore. The only thing left for you to do was to accept your fate and move on with your life.

Because it takes two people to save a relationship and one was clearly over it already.

A/N: YES FINALLY!😭 I was finally able to write a new imagine and oh boi it took me almost two days. But I‘m very proud of this one because I put my blood sweat & tears into this story lol. Actually I just portrayed one of my fears in life in here, simple. Let me know what you think and if I should write another part to this one. 👀 I would love to read your comments. Happy reading yall!✨💜

(Also credit to the owner of the first pic. I downloaded it from pinterest hehe)

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