#''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that

[emotionally-estarriol]

About a year and some change ago, I decided to buy the first three Artemis Fowl books. I don't exactly remember why I wanted to read them. I had never heard anything about them when I was a kid, seeing as I only read graphic novels and historical fiction, but while wondering around Books-A-Million, I saw them, and after some out-loud debating with myself, my mom chimed in and said: "You should get them, I'm happy you're reading again."

The books just kinda sat around for a while until the day I started A Wizard of Earthsea because I also had started Artemis Fowl that same day. I had an audition later in the day, and I wanted to read something easy and fun to shake my nerves, but I ended up only reading a chapter and then forgot about it, trying to finish Earthsea.

Now, don't get me wrong, Earthsea is a phenomenal book that I now love deeply, but at the time, I was struggling to read it. So after a week of trying to brute force my way through, I decided to tell my friend (Who wanted me to read it) that I was taking a break from the book to read something else and while trying to figure out what book I was gonna read I remembered Artemis Fowl. I saw it on my bookshelf and thought, "Oh yeah, I started that, sure why not? It's middle grade. It'll be quick and easy." I then proceeded to take a month to read the first book.

A month, I know!!! Why did it take me so long? Was I not enjoying it? Did I at least pick Earthsea back up? Well, to answer that last one, the answer is no. In the entire month it took me to read Artemis Fowl, I didn't read any other books, much to the dismay of my friend, who just sat with the knowledge that I was literally 4 pages from THE massive turning point in Earthsea, but anyway, that still doesn't answer the first two questions. The simple answer to the first question is things like school, work, and rehearsal and the fact that I'm just a slow reader. The simple answer to the second was yes, 100% absolutely, but there's more to it than just those surface-level answers.

The answer to those questions is why I'm writing this in the first place, and it all starts with what my mom said to me when I first bought the books in the first place: "You should get them, I'm happy you're reading again." Cuz you see, when I was a kid, I was a reading MACHINE; from the ages of 3 to 11, I always had a book in my hand despite the fact that reading was always kinda hard because the words and letters jumped around on the page (They still do that, I'm in the process of seeing if I have dyslexia. I think I do), but I still read with passion and fervor. Reading was my first taste of escapism, full-on "transported-to-another-world" kind of escapism, and I loved it. It manifested as this warm feeling in my chest and a hazy filter on the world around me. When I got so overwhelmed by the world around me and even my own mind, the escapism from books was there to calm me down and put me at ease.

And then, one day, I stopped.

I can't tell you why I randomly stopped reading one day; I can give you some guesses, but I can't give you a concrete answer. But I stopped, and soon I grew sour towards reading, and I mean sour. Reading became "nerd shit" to me, and I held this weird, arrogant achievement of how long it had been since I stepped foot in my school's library, and over time I slowly forgot the comfort reading used to provide me.

Now, in a more cliche but sweet story, I would say Artemis Fowl was the book that got me back into reading and made me fall back in love with it, but that's not this story because the book that got me into it was none other than Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Trust me, I was not expecting it either! But something about that book in my junior year of high school fucking rerouted my brain and sent me back to the library with a new lease on literature. But then why am I talking about Artemis Fowl? Well, let me answer those two remaining questions. I wasn't just enjoying Artemis Fowl; I was savoring it, and that's why it took me a full month to finish it.

When I decided to go back to Artemis Fowl, I often read it at night before bed (On the nights that I wasn't exhausted from a four-hour rehearsal) with a little battery-powered lantern and my cat Finny next to me. The setup was very similar to when I would read as a kid with my Ikea nightlights and my cat Smokey. And the more I read, the more I found myself saying, "This is exactly what I wanted to read as a kid!" I also was saying, "I'd be insufferable if I read these as a kid!" because Artemis was my peak idea of cool so I would've absolutely, without a doubt, adopted him into my personality, but who knows.

I didn't consciously realize it then, but the further I got into the book, the more that warm feeling in my chest returned and the stronger the hazy filter became. When I cracked this book open, I fell into its world, and it caught me in its cool, badass, loving arms, and it happened every time I went to read it. I laughed, I gasped, I cried, I had such strong feelings about it that I couldn't put it into words. It was like I didn't have the words to describe what I was feeling, much like when I was a kid.

I started Artemis Fowl on October 29th, 2022, and I finished it on November 29th, 2022. It was a full and true month in the middle of my very hectic senior year and it was probably one of the best because,

Artemis Fowl handed me a piece of my childhood back.

And it wasn't the usual kind of nostalgia that you get from finding an old toy or seeing an old cartoon from your childhood because I never interacted with Fowl as a kid! It didn't bring me to the past; it brought the past to me. And in a way that I so desperately needed as adulthood stared me down. And though I didn't know it then, I know it now.

I read Arctic Incident a couple of months later, and the feeling returned, and now, as I write this, I'm reading Eternity Code. This whole post came about because I had the idea to live-blog my experience with Eternity Code (because I read the back and WIGGED OUT), but after thinking about it for a bit, I decided against it and wrote this instead. Live blogging felt a little too personal, even though I just dumped out my fucking emotional attachment to these books for the entire internet to see. Still, it felt too personal because stopping to write felt like it would break my warm cocoon of haze, and I don't wanna lose that, not again.

I may talk about Eternity Code once I finish it, I may not (I probably won't), but I just wanted to shout into the void about what this book has done for me.

I don't believe your inner child ever goes away. Sometimes, they just get lost and need help getting back home. It may take a while, they may keep getting lost, hell, they may not even want to come home, but when they do finally come home, something just clicks into place and relief just washes over you.

If I ever meet Eoin Colfer, I'm probably gonna say something silly like, "Nah, man, I read these books when I was 17, I didn't even know they existed as a kid", but at some point, I have to thank him for these books.

Artemis Fowl didn't change me; it brought me home.

[cancerbiophd]

hello! i was looking through your career stories tag and was inspired to ask for some advice of my own. lately i've been feeling very lost in undergrad. in high school, i was super successful, had goals and stuck to them, and had a path in mind. however, i ended up revising that plan a million times, and now i feel super behind in comparison to my peers. i feel like i lack a ton of skills and that i'm not where i should be (1/2)

(2/2) do you have any advice? and do you/your followers have any stories about people who were successful, got stuck in a rut, but found their way back? i keep reading stories about people who didn’t do well in school then found a successful career, but i never hear about people who were successful in school, got lost, then recovered, and it makes me wonder if there’s hope for me

Hi anon! (Thanks for sending in that 2nd part again after tumblr ate it the first time round)

I fee like I took a similar path to you, and before I launch into my story, here’s my advice on some things you can try:

Break the bad habit of comparing oneself to others. We are all unique, with unique pasts, presents, and futures. To compare two people’s achievements or lack of achievements is unfair. That’s giving an experimental treatment to a sick person and another to someone already healthy and then comparing the results directly to each other. Not a good scientific study huh. Well, we should look at our lives like that too. It’ll take time and practice and a lot of active thinking, but let’s all try our hardest not to compare ourselves to others. We are all carving out our own paths. 

Talk to others with experience and get their insight. Talk to your professors, your counselors, your parents, your parents’ friends, and even older students (like me!). Ask them for advice. Ask them what opportunities you have. Ask them what career choices one can make with your interests and goals. Basically, broaden your knowledge of what’s out there in the world so you can find a niche to fit in. I really wish I had done this because I was very myopic in that “interest in biomedicine” = “clinical doctor or bust!”. I didn’t know that I could go to grad school to study cancer research and then go work in a biotech company (my current path and goal). 

Once you find a career path that interests you, try to experience what “a day in the life of” is like. Because something that sounds great on paper may not be a good fit in person, and vice versa. Options for this include: volunteering, internships, entry-level jobs, shadowing, informational interviews (where you talk to someone in the field in a casual setting and ask them what their job is like), and well-rounded research. Doing things like working in the field or even shadowing also gives you the benefit of learning transferrable skills that could help you on your next step. And that brings me to:

Take a gap year (or a few) if you feel like you need it, especially if you need to gain more experience in a certain field. It’s also a great way to give your body and mind a well-deserved break after decades of school! I took a gap year (well, 2.5 years) to work and get lab experience and it was the best. 

Do not give yourself a timeline. This sounds… counter-intuitive, but what I mean is: do not set goals like “dream job at age 30!!” “a house at age 31!!” because they may be a) unrealistic, and b) could set us up for disappointment. Also, we need to realize that we don’t know what the future will bring, and that it’s also ok to take one’s time. We’re all gonna live until we’re 70-80 anyway right? So let’s just take things one step at a time. We’ll set goals and work towards them, yes, but let’s not set deadlines for ourselves. We’ve had enough deadlines in school already! 

Don’t give up. Things will be ok. I know it’s not.. super helpful for me to say this, but it’s a real point to make. No matter what happens, keep trying. We can’t reach the light at the end of the tunnel if we stop walking forward, yeah? 

I hope those points are helpful. If you’d like more detail, or have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me!

Alright, now to my story, because I feel like I may have gone through the same thing you’re going through right now, so I want to let you know that times may get tough like it did for me, but if you keep going and trying, things will eventually be ok:

Just like you, I was pretty darn successful in high school, also did well in college (like good grades, had goals and met them, etc). I always knew my path was going to lead me somewhere amazing, because that’s how I was brought up my entire life. Then I got stuck in a rut because my original plan A (med school) turned out to not be right for me, and then plan B also turned out not right either (pharmacy school), and then I got straight out rejected from plan C (physician assistant school). I even had to change my major 3 times because of my change of plans (well, one change was because the US recession hit and my college had to cut my original program ugh), so I had to really cram my classes into the summer. I graduated college with a degree that wasn’t going to get me where I wanted to (B.S. in Microbiology, and jobs were still hard to find because of the recession, and basically nowhere to go. I had no job and had no idea what to do (or what I really wanted, really). So I moved back home with a feeling of emptiness that no end in sight. 

My plan was basically to find a job that would open doors for me in the biomedical field. I even got my pharmacy tech license, and I was applying to receptionist positions at clinics. It got to a point where I was so desperate I interviewed to be someone’s personal assistant and they were like “you are way too qualified for this I can’t hire you”. 

And I was so confused as to how I could’ve ended up on the wrong path. I mean, I knew what I did wrong (I didn’t do those point of advice I gave earlier because I didn’t know I had to do them). But I didn’t know how it went so wrong. How did I go from straight A/B’s and proactive student leader in a bunch of clubs to unemployed with no concrete plan in sight? I was bright. I was a hard worker. A fast learner. I knew I could be good at anything I did. This rut I was in wasn’t really supposed to happen. And all the while my friends were going to grad/med school or starting successful careers–a fact my narcissistic and emotionally abusive mother would remind me of every. waking. moment. She would scream at me every day that I was an embarrassment, a disappointment, a “poor investment”, etc. The look of pure hatred she would give me–I have never seen that on another person’s face ever. I couldn’t even see my friends because she essentially put me on house arrest as “punishment”. 

It really was absolute hell. I was cleaning some old storage boxes recently and I found my old diary from that time, and inside was a note. It was a note of despair and resentment and an ending that may have happened… I don’t remember how I got the strength to keep going, but I think I had conjured up the slightest sliver of hope that night, put down my pen, closed the journal, and went to bed. 

So, I kept at it. I studied for the GRE, I looked up grad school programs, and I kept applying to jobs in the biomedical field. I got picked up by a temp agency that was hiring out contract workers to local science companies, and even interviewed for a few available positions. Things were looking a bit better. 

Then I saw a job ad on craigslist looking for a research tech at a lab at my old college. I applied, interviewed, and was turned down. Bummer. Then my mother (in a rare moment of helpfulness) asked a friend of a friend who was a PI in a research institute in Florida if they wanted a totally free unpaid intern. I had a skype interview and they accepted, and I was getting ready to move halfway across the country to be a volunteer with a Bachelor’s degree when I got an email from another new PI at my old college. She had gotten my application from the first PI who I had interviewed with and wanted to meet to see if I could be her research tech. And then literally a week before I was supposed to move to Florida that PI told me she wanted to hire me. Oh thank god. I had graduated in May, and got hired at this position in October. Even though it was only 5 months, it felt like forever for me to finally find my way out of the dark cave and back into the light. 

This PI did research on cancer biomarkers. Working in her lab was one of the best things to ever happen to me: I got the lab experience I was missing, I found a love for cancer research in particular, I applied for (and got into) grad school to study Cancer Biology, and I met a coworker who eventually became my husband (and you betcha we invited the PI to our wedding and asked her to give a speech lol). 

I graduate (hopefully) next semester with my PhD in Cancer Biology, and my husband and I plan on moving to Seattle (a biotech hub) afterwards. I plan on getting a post-doc position at the Fred Hutch Cancer Center, then a scientist position at a local biotech company, and then see where that takes me. Life is good now. Things really did turn out ok. 

I’m so glad I never gave up. 

And I hope you won’t give up either, anon. I pray you don’t have to go through anything as tough but! Yes there’s still hope for you! There is always hope

[stressedoutteenager]

hello! I love your stories so much and I wanted to send you a prompt, if you have the time/inspiration and feel like writing it! yousana amnesia/losing your memory AU, please make it as angsty as you can (but with a positive ending) since I'm kinda in a "want angsty yousana mood". If you decide to do it, thank you so much!!

Hey :) Thank you so much for this prompt. This was so interesting because I had to do some research first and I really enjoyed that. (If I made any mistakes about the medical stuff, I’m sorry!)Oh, and this is probably not as angsty as you wanted it to be but it’s harder for me to write angst than fluffy stuff. So I hope you still like it!

Also: This got a bit longer and I know some people hate these long posts but somehow the ‘read more’ thing only works on the computer when I do it so I’m not doing it until I find a solution.

————————————————————————————————-

Hospitals. Yousefhated them. Always. For as long as he can remember.

The smell of desensitizer that coverseverything else. Nurses and doctors rushing around which means someone ishurting and they need to help. People crying over loved ones suffering. Theonly good thing he can think of is people giving birth in hospitals but eventhat is connected to pain. 

He just doesn’t like hospitals.Especially not now.

He’s rushing through the main entrance,asking where he can find who he is searching for while his heart takes turnsbetween beating so fast that he fears it will burst out of his chest and itfeeling like it doesn’t beat at all. His hands are shaking and his voicetrembling when he answers the woman at the information counter when she askswho he is here to see.

“Sana Bakkoush.”

The woman shows him a polite smile andcalmly looks for the right information. Yousef can’t wait. He needs to see her.All he knows is that she was brought to the hospital. Elias couldn’t reallytell him anything because he was having trouble speaking. Even over the phone.

As soon as the woman tells him where hecan find his girlfriend he sprints towards the elevators. After pressing allthe buttons he realizes he can’t wait. He takes the stairs. His stomach feelinguneasy, his head is spinning. Yousef tries to take deep breaths, calm himselfbefore facing her. 

Running through the halls of the fifthfloor, Yousef looks at the numbers on the doors and only after seeing 515 onthe door, he sees Elias sitting outside of it. Elias hears Yousef comingcloser, looks up and then walks over to his best friend before he can bargeinto the room.

“What happened? How is she? Is sheinjured badly? But what happened?”, Yousef starts rambling as soon as hesees his best friend. 

Only then he notices Elias looking likehe is at the verge of tears and he never cries. Not in front of other people.Yousef immediately pulls him into a hug and notices how much he needed that, aswell. Not knowing what is wrong with Sana but her being in the hospital makeshim want to punch something and cry at the same time.

“I don’t know yet. Apparently,after training for a long time under the sun she tripped and hit her head onconcrete stairs.”, Elias tries to explain but has to stop after everysecond word. It’s his baby sister he is talking about. Yousef’s eyes instantlywiden and tears spring into his eyes. Without being able to stop it he imaginesSana like that and his chest tightens. 

“Mom and Dad are inside. And abasketball friend of Sana that saw it happen. They’re still doing tests anduntil they’re done we should stay here.”, Elias puts a hand on his bestfriend’s arm and pulls him to sit. Yousef doesn’t budge though.

He shakes his head furiously.“Elias, I can’t just sit here. You said she hit her head. It could be veryserious. What if..”, he doesn’t even want to finish that thought.

Hospitals freak him out and make himmore anxious than he already is. 

“Yousef!”, Elias says in aserious tone, very harshly. “I called you because I thought it’s importantto you to know that Sana is in the hospital. But it doesn’t do any good whenyou freak out now. I know as much as you and am freaking out here. We’retalking about my baby sister being hurt so please shut up and sit down until wecan see her.”

Yousef knows Elias is right. He needs toget a grip on himself. It’s not about him or Elias, it’s about Sana. Sittingthere, waiting without knowing when anyone will tell them what’s going on makesYousef feel worse and worse. He starts getting a headache, his hands don’t stopshaking, he can’t even walk up and down the hall because his legs just go weak.

Both boys shoot out of their seats whenthe door opens and a doctor and nurse leave. Elias quickly asks if they can goin and gets the green light. They warn them to first talk to the patient’sparents but neither boy listens anymore after they are allowed to goinside. 

Sana’s face lights up when she sees herolder brother and she sits up quickly, making her wince. Yousef winces himself,seeing Sana like that but stands back. All he wants to do right now is run overto her and embrace her in a hug and not let her go but he knows family is moreimportant and he is aware that her parents are in the room. He is soconcentrated on Sana that he doesn’t even realize that her teammate walks pasthim to leave the room.

“Elias, can you please tell Mom andDad that I’m fine and can go home now?” Sana complains and looks very sureof herself. 

Elias immediately looks at their parentsand sees his father shake his head. Yousef sees that too and his stomach sinks.What is that supposed to mean?

Mamma Bakkoush turns to Sana and asks:“Can you tell me how you got to the hospital?”, in a tone that issupposed to proof that Sana cannot leave the hospital now.

Elias and Yousef quickly turn to thegirl sitting in the hospital bed, her hijab not as neatly done as usually, justloosely wrapped around her head. Yousef watches as Sana opens her mouth toanswer but no words come out of it. She looks from her parents to Elias andseems to have no answer. 

What is happening, is all Yousef canthink.

When he saw her sitting on the bed,talking, he felt relieved at first. She couldn’t be in a too bad of a conditionbut now he’s not sure at all. 

Finally, Sana’s gaze lands on Yousef whostood back for a while. She doesn’t show him her dimpley smile, like sheusually does when he sees him. She looks down on her hands for a second toavert her gaze from him. He hasn’t seen her react to him like that since …since before they started dating, two and a half months ago. Yousef gets a verybad feeling.

“Elias, you brought yourfriend?”, Sana addresses her brother and doesn’t acknowledge Yousef at allafter that. His eyes widen first, then he raises his eyebrows and opens hismouth to say of course he would come, he is her boyfriend, but decides againstit when he realizes that she genuinely looks confused about him being there. 

At the same time her parents shake theirheads at Elias and Yousef. 

“Boys, let’s give Sana a bitalone-time.”, her father says and nods for them to leave the room. Neitherof the boys moves. Yousef can’t take his eyes off Sana. Why doesn’t she acknowledgehim? What exactly happened to her? The fear of it being very serious comescrashing down on him and he has difficulties breathing. “Let’s give hertime, now!”

Yousef doesn’t really realize that Eliasdrags him out of the room by his arm. As soon as they close the door to Sana’sroom, Pappa Bakkoush turns to the boys and starts explaining.

“The doctor is not a hundredpercent sure yet but it looks like Sana has transient global amnesia.” AllYousef understands is Amnesia and it feels like his heart stops beating. Shefell after being exhausted from training too much, how could that lead to this.Yousef wrings his hands together and clenches his teeth. “That’s temporaryamnesia. Her teammate described that they had been training a lot under the sunand Sana seemed really exhausted and then she fell and hit her head. Those canbe triggers for the amnesia. From what the girl explained there were no signsof an epileptic attack that would indicate something more serious. We’re goingto see if the memory loss lessens over the next hours, which it should but shemight not remember things dating back about a year for those next hours.”

Elias and Yousef look at each other in horror.Elias is worried about his little sister being in pain, not remembering thepast weeks, months or even the past year. She is such an overachiever and nowshe has temporary amnesia. He doesn’t know what to say or what to do. 

“But she’ll be fine?”, Eliasasks.

“And there won’t be any long-termconsequences?”, Yousef asks, feeling himself getting worried once again.“Right?”, he asks with more pressure behind his voice. He knows he istalking to Sana’s father but he can’t help himself. The thought of Sana hurtingis bad enough and makes him want to literally cry but her having long-termdeficits in her brain? No, that can’t be happening. Her brain is what Sana ismost proud about herself. She has worked so hard to achieve all the knowledgeshe has and loosing parts of that would crush her. He doesn’t even care thatshe might not remember him for now. At least not as her boyfriend. The otherthings are a lot more important to Sana. 

Elias’ father nods and makes the twoboys sit down for them to calm down. “Honestly, I’m thinking the same asthe doctor. It’s most definitely temporary amnesia and that usually only lastsup to 24 hours and her memories should come back in the next hours. She mightjust not remember the incident well or at all. But don’t worry. All we can dois to wait and see what happens.”

Although hearing this from Sana’s fatherwho is also a doctor is relieving, Yousef can’t stop worrying. He doesn’t haveto be a doctor to know that memory loss is not a game. 

“Oh and one more thing: When you goback in don’t pressure her in any way to remember something specific.”,the boys hear but Yousef feels like it’s more directed at him than at Elias,“She has difficulties forming new short-term memories already and doesn’tneed to worry about that as well.”

When the boy enter the room again, Sanais talking to her mother but then turns to Elias and Yousef. Mamma Bakkoushleaves the room after that. When she sees Yousef she raises her eyebrows andasks Elias: “You brought your friend, too?”

Elias just nods, keeping in mind whathis father told him. He doesn’t even want to look at Yousef because he knowsthat this must be killing him.

“How are you feeling?”, Yousefasks with a polite smile.

Not remembering the past weeks ormonths, does that mean she doesn’t remember they are together? She doesn’tremember the first time they hung out alone? The first time they held hands andhugged. The first time she introduced him to her friends and not just as herbrother’s friend.

Sana smiles at him shyly but looks awayquickly, to her brother. “I’m fine. Just have a little headache. No bigdeal.”

Elias laughs at that, to lighten themood. He sees Yousef’s reaction to Sana not looking at him for long and knowshe needs to do something. To make his sister feel better and to make his bestfriend feel better. And to make himself feel better, too.

“Sana, let’s be honest here. Youjust didn’t want to go to Aunt Fatima’s birthday party so you did allthis.”

Sana laughs at that but winces lightly.She tried to cover it up but Yousef’s hand itches to help her sooth the pain inany way and he extents his hand intuitively but let’s it fall next to him whenhe realizes what he’s doing.

“I.. I actually forgot about thatbut her birthdays can be so hard to endure.”

Now Yousef is sure. For now, she doesn’t remember the first time Yousef introduced her to hiscousins. She doesn’t remember the time they went to a dance performance of thekids from his kindergarten. She doesn’t remember that Yousef finally had theguts to do something about his feelings he had for so long.

His heart breaks seeing her try to hidethat she’s not feeling too well.

Yousef doesn’t hear some of theconversation his best friend has with his sister because he was too deep inthoughts.

Sana asks: “What happened again thatI’m here? I’m fine.”

Elias’ face falls for a second but heconceals it as fast as he can. “You fell and hit your head afterbasketball practice.”

“I… okay.”, she doesn’t sayanything more but her hand finds the same spot on her head like before.

Yousef doesn’t know what to do. Hisgirlfriend, who doesn’t remember that she is his girlfriend, is in the hospitalwith what is hopefully just temporary memory loss.

“Do you want to sleep for awhile?”, Elias asks and then they exchange a few sentences in Arabic whichYousef doesn’t understand. Then Elias leans towards Yousef and whispers: “Apparently her hijab coversthe part of her head she fell on and it hurts. So she wants to take itoff.”

Yousef understands what he means to tellhim and quickly nods. Looking at Sana once more and seeing her already closeher eyes, he whispers back: “I’ll be outside.”

Elias shakes his head. “You can gohome and I’ll call you when something changes.”

The next look Elias receives from hisbest friend clearly shows that Yousef is going nowhere and that it’s not even aquestion.  Elias moves and without knowing that he just wanted to sit down Yousef tellshim to not leave Sana alone. Before leaving the room Yousef looks at Sana againand presses his lips together.

She should rest. How he feels right nowdoesn’t matter.But he still can’t help himself. It feels like all the progress they made inthe past months didn’t even happen. They are back to square one. Sana thinkingYousef only sees her as Elias’ little sister. But that hasn’t been the case formany years now. In Sana’s confused look when she saw him, Yousef could see it.He could see that Sana didn’t see him as her boyfriend but only as herbrother’s friend. Now he knows that she had feelings for him even before theystarted to properly talk but it doesn’t make it hurt less now. The worst part:Yousef feels like he doesn’t have a right to feel like this. Sana had anaccident that hopefully has no long-term consequences. How he feels is thesmallest of the problems right now. 

Sana and Elias’ parents are sitting infront of the room and both smile lightly at Yousef as he closes the door behindhim.

“She wanted to sleep.”, is allYousef says with a weak smile before he starts pacing up and down thehall. 

“Yousef, don’t you want to go homeand Elias will call you if something happens. Sana is okay for now.”,Elias father says but Yousef quickly shakes his head. 

“No, it’s fine. I’ll waithere.”

After some time in which Sana is justsleeping, her parents go down to the cafeteria and Elias still sits by his sister’sside. The doctors said she is fine, the tests basically confirmed that it’stemporary amnesia and within a few hours she should start remembering thing,probably older memories first. 

Another while later Elias leaves Sana’shospital room. Yousef’s head snaps up and he looks at Eliasquestioningly. 

“Did something happen?”

Elias can clearly hear the worry inYousef’s voice. Elias has been sitting by his sister’s side for a couple ofhours now, in which she just slept. All that time Yousef didn’t move from thishall. All he did was walk up and down or sit, facing the door. 

Elias shakes his head. “No, don’tworry. I just need to use the bathroom. Maybe you want to go in there? Just soshe’s not alone if she wakes up while I’m gone.”

Yousef immediately stands up and goes tothe door. Before he opens it he thinks of something. Elias is not too far awayyet so Yousef calls after him. 

“Did you cover her hairagain?”

Elias doesn’t know if he should laugh,roll his eyes or cry because his best friend, and his little sister’sboyfriend, is such a nice and thoughtful guy. Yousef just waits for an answerwith raised eyebrows until Elias nods. 

Only then he opens the door slowly andcloses it quietly behind him. He tries to be as quiet as possible and sits downon the chair right next to the bed. His eyes wander along Sana’s body that iscovered by a blanket as if he could see if there are any injuries. 

She’s lying on her back, one hand justat the edge of the bed. Yousef leans forward to take her hand in his but stopsmillimetres away. His hand hovers over hers but he shakes his head andwithdraws his hand. She’s sleeping, probably still not remembering that he isher boyfriend. It would be wrong. 

Yousef rests his elbows on his knees andlooks at Sana. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. But it’s stillunsettling. She’s lying in a hospital bed. The doctor said she should be finebut that she is still in the hospital makes Yousef feel unsure. Rationally, heknows that it’s just for safety measures but he has never been the mostrational person. Sana is the rational person in his life that helps him seethings from that perspective.

It’s a bit eerie. There is barely anysound in the room. The sun is setting so there is not much light either. But hesomehow gets used to the silence in the room, right when Sana starts waking upand turning in the bed. 

Yousef sits up straight and braceshimself for another comment like: Oh, Elias’ friend is here. 

Sana finally turns to the side Yousefsits at. She blinks a few times and slowly sits up. Her eyes wander all overYousef’s face and all he can think is that she’s going to ask him to leave.Something in the way she looks at him tells him she still doesn’t remember himbeing her boyfriend. It’s okay, he tells himself, it’ll come sometime soon.

“Yousef.”, she says and stops.She tilts her head lightly and furrows her eyebrows. “What are you doinghere? ”, she looks down on herself and along the bed and mumbles:“What am I doing here?”

Yousef tries to sound calm to not freakher out: “You fell after basketball practice and hit your head. But don’tworry, there’s nothing too serious.”

Looking a bit confused Sana nods and herhand goes to touch her head. She blinks a few more times and Yousef wonderswhat the best thing to do would be. She doesn’t know why he would be hereinstead of her brother. If she doesn’t remember the past months.

“Maybe I should go getElias.”, he says and stands up. He doesn’t get to go far because he feelshow a soft hand slips into his and tucks him back. Now he is confused butstarts getting happier and happier by the second. With a step back to the bedhe looks at Sana who smiles at him, showing her dimples, which makes him startgrinning.

“Elias will come soon enough.Having my boyfriend here with me now is good enough.”

[realtalk-princeton]

It's always been a dream of mine to work for Google, and as a freshman I think it's so cool that the company's opened up their AI lab literally in Princeton. However, I have literally no clue how to get involved or who to contact for future internship or research options.. COS major with 226 under my belt, but that's basically my only 'experience.' I'm doing something this summer but who would I reach out to for something potentially next summer?

Response from Clipper:

“A dream of mine” and “literally no clue?” 

I searched (on Google, no less) “Princeton AI Lab” and got the names, emails, office hours, office locations, assistant telephone number and mailing addresses for the two COS professors (in YOUR department) who head the lab. Within four clicks total. I took the liberty of doing one more click for good measure, and literally found a heading titled “Postions at the Google AI Princeton lab [sic]” with the first link being “Summer internships/research positions.” That link led to Google’s (ha!) job search engine and a very detailed job description.

Time for some tough love: You’re an adult, now. Nobody is going to spoon feed you basic information. Google is competitive. If you’re not willing to put even two minutes into this, I doubt not only your actual interest in the position besides its prestige, but also that you will survive in an environment that requires you to do actual research and some level of independent thinking. So would any employer or professor that you would contact for opportunities or information. 

Another kid whose “dream” of working for Google is more than just an idea is going to go to those professors having actually researched the lab and its goals, the internship positions available and its requirements, the professors’ published research, and just a hunger and passion for the job, and they are going to scam and hustle for it. You won’t stand out at all without the work ethic required to get ahead. The good news is that you have time. Do you have what it takes to wake up and make it a reality, or are you going to keep dreaming?

Response from Elodin:

Clipper is right; you’re an adult now, and if you don’t take the initiative and put in the work to achieve your goals, someone else will.

That said, I remember what it was like to be an overwhelmed and overawed frosh, with similar goals and frustrations, feeling lost. Could I have gone in and figured out? Yeah, probably, but it’s scary and it’s a lot and dealing with that is what getting advice is for.

Completing 226 is all you need for (basic) technical interviews; I’ve never had an interview question that couldn’t have appeared on a 226 final. For more interview prep, it’s the classic Hackerrank, Leetcode, CTCI, &etc combination.

So, thinking beyond that -- yes, if you’re interested in working at that lab (and I agree, it’s so cool that it exists!), you should Google the lab, figure out who’s responsible for it, and ask them about what positions they’ll have open and available and how you could contribute.

But I want to challenge you, as Clipper did, to think about why you want to work at that lab and why you want to work at Google. To the former -- you don’t need to work there to get a job at Google, and working at that lab will not guarantee you a job at Google -- it is neither necessary nor sufficient. As an example, I got an offer for a SWE position at Google as a sophomore this year (unfortunately after I committed to another internship), and I’m honestly not a standout -- I had taken 226 and was in the middle of 217 at the time. What do I think made the difference? I did decently in my interviews, sure, but also had a resume with a few outside projects (showing initiative and passion), and I was able to clearly communicate what I loved about COS, why I was passionate about coding/technology, and why I wanted to work at Google. So think long and hard about all of those questions -- and let the answers guide your next steps.

Hm, I’m not sure that I’m doing a good job of my goal of making you feel less overwhelmed, so let me try to make this a bit more concrete. Are you interested in AI and academic research in that field? Then yeah, go get in touch with that lab and figure out how you can get involved! This has been left as an exercise for the reader, but Clipper gave you some good first steps :) But if you’re not interested in AI research, ignore that lab, it’s not up your alley and it won’t help you towards your goals. Figure out what you’re interested in (thoughts on this don’t fit in a parenthetical, submit a follow-up), then work on that. People will be impressed that you are creative, self-motivated, and took initiative to work on things that you care about.

I definitely get that sometimes you want to work hard towards your goal, but you don’t know how to do that. This whole mess is complicated and confusing and it can be a whole lot. I hope you find what you’re passionate about, and I hope that you figure out how to work hard at it and achieve your dreams! Feel free to submit follow-up questions as well :)