#''what if the tussling turns into kissin''

[slippinninque]

🤳🏾Just a Lil' Fun📱

Just a little fun for the middle of the week! 🤭

Fontaine x blackfemreader

Fontaine: (barely looking at the camera as he rolls a blunt) I'm passing the phone to someone who's only afraid of the dark when she ain't alone.

You (laughing ): Woooow, coming out swinging?! I can be tough on my own 'case I don't have no other choic--that's why you're here, baby!"

------

You: I'm passing the phone to someone that used a Disney quote to flirt on our second date.

Fontaine (barely on camera as he passed the phone right back) 'M passing the phone to someone that a folded at a Disney quote.

(Your mouth opened but stayed that way as you thought about it, eyes ticking upward as you searched for a comeback before dramatically falling against Fontaine)

You: Well, what girl wouldn't want to be told their eyes shine like sapphires!

Fontaine (smugness all in his expression, kisses the top of your head as you laughy helplessly at yourself)

-------

Fontaine: I'm passing the phone to someone who cried--

You: You always bringing up old stuf--

Fontaine (loud enough to be heard over you): who cried at a Marvel Movie--

You (reaching desperately for the phone as Fontaine holds you off) IT WAS LOVE AND THUNDER, WHERE'S YOUR HEART TIN MAN?!

---------

You (loudly and clearly in retaliation): I'm passing the phone to someone that got so mad at Taye Diggs they walked out---

Fontaine (just as loud in his refusal to be shamed as he takes the phone) : 'Cause why would you even do that stupid shit?! Forehead kissin' this broad while your pregnant-ass wife is upstairs upset--

You (smacking your lips but listening on with a clear affection in your voice): Okay, yeah, but it's Nia Lo--

Fontaine: and why the hell is said broad making it all about her-- she ain't the one dropping ornaments and-and can't do her baby's hair and shit! And why the fuck is it you don't never put the book away right?! You let Morris find it again? Huh, Nia?!

(as Fontaine rants on, you watch with bubbles cheeks as you try to swallow down the peels of your laughter)

--------

You: I'm passing the phone to someone who swung on a pigeon on our first date--

Fontaine: I was protecting you and I still get shit for it...

You: Sir, you, like, swung on that bird like it had a cracked bottle to my neck. You lucky I like that caveman shit--

Fontaine (indignantly blowing out a train's worth of smoke from pursed lips) Excuse me--caveman?

You: I'm talkin' full on, 'hungahunga bird get from woman!' mink-mink!

(tussling ensures with the phone being tossed about in the covers and in between your play)

-------

You: I'm passing the phone to a big ol' baby!

Fontaine (camera view is flipped to see him petulantly holding out his elbow, refusing to take the phone): You hurt me, kiss it.

You: (as you zoom in on where he accusingly pointed to the faint imprint of teeth marks encircling the point of his elbow) 'Taine, I barely nibbled you!

(Fontaine makes a grunting noise and jerked his elbow pointedly)

You: Fine, fine, fiiiiiiiine...

(the video picks up what could be Fontaine saying "you gotta make the noise or it ain't gonna work" followed by loud smooches.)

-----

Fontaine: 'm passin' the phone to someone who don't never take anythin' serious.

(you were off screen but your tone was tone buccal, loud, and offended) Ya tryna cawll me a cwlown? Ywou wanna fwight, bwuster?!

(Fontaine immiately ducks away from teh camera but his laughter is heard, caught behind his teeth)

You (full Donald Duck mode now as you sang) : Dwon't mawke me cwose one more dowor, I dwon't wanna hwurt any mwore, stway in my awrms if ywou dawre or muwst I imaaaaaaaagwine ywou thwere, dwon't walk awawy frowm meeee....

Fontaine (struggling to speak past his laughter) : Get yo' lil crazy ass off of me!

You (you finally come into camera in from of an ankle resting on the top of his head): Mwake me hawndsowme!

(The camera refocused in the quick moment of Fontaine turning back to face it the expression on his face tender. The expression fell into mischief as he could be seen reaching up and taking hold of your ankle)

------

(The next video is short and incoherent as it was lost in the whirlwind of Fontaine's sudden tickle attack upon your foot. Only your screaming and his villainous laughter crackled through)

------

You: (aiming a satisfied little smile at the camera) I'm passing the phone to someone who's really into the unserious shit...

(You gently prop the phone in Fontaine's open palm, his other arm wrapped around your waist as he nuzzled sleepily into your stomach. At some point he swapped his durag for your bonnet. The bed was in disarray, pillows and sheets thrown in a messy nest around you both. You swing the camera to face you as you blew it a kiss, the last image being your hand massaging Fontaine's back)

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ending notes: few spoilers for Best Man Holiday and Aristocats. Forgive the formatting as this was incredibly self-indulgent! I just wanted to drop a bit to hold us all over! 🤭🤣 Tell me what you think! Please comment and reblog 🤸🏾‍♀️💜💜

taglist: @megamindsecretlair @thadelightfulone @mag1calenchantr3ss @cocoeffects @wide-nose-and-wonderful @8ttached @thadelightfulone @hobiesmain @thickeeparker @longpause-awkwardsmile @ms-angiealsina @educatorsareslutstoo @mysterychick93 @sageispunk@hunnishive@notapradagurl7 @mcondance @longpause-awkwardsmile @ms-angiealsina@educatorsareslutstoo@miyuhpapayuh @mogul93 @kindofaintrovert @blowmymbackout @mcondance @kindofanenigma @harmshake @hunnishive

[ofieugogyshz]

i’m writing this fic and trying to hit a midway point that involves play fighting and honestly my brain is too //////////////////// at the thought of it even though i’m trying to be like “no it’s cute and pure!!! look at this cute married couple!! play fighting over whether or not the phone gets organized so it doesn’t look the same as the app drawer”

but inside, my brain, which is very much playing everything out as i write, is 

////////////////////////////

it’s getting a little carried away...............................................

[hiilikedragons]

With Halloween having came and went, got two questions regarding the Vampire Astrid AU. First, how might the two spend the holiday? Secondly, do you have any ideas regarding Astrid's origins, how she became a vampire and such?

I’m so happy you like the vampire AU– I’ve been weirdly fond of it lately. 

The holidays are actually something I’ve thought a lot about in this AU. Hiccup is always trying to humanize Astrid, to bring him into his life and his family and his friend group. She manages to convince him that inviting a vampire over for Thanksgiving is just a couple brain cells shy of idiocy, but she’s not able to talk him out of Christmas. She drags him to a Christmas Eve service at church– and I don’t know why this picture is so clear in my head, but I love the idea of her in a bun and pearls, all proper like, and Hiccup next to her in grease-stained jeans and a leather jacket. And then he insists she come over Christmas day. 

“It’s just me and my dad all morning,” he insists. “My godfather might stop by. And then my friends and I do pizza and exchange gifts.”

So she really really really doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get so involved in this human’s life, especially if she ends up accidentally killing him one day. But she obliges, and she’s greeted by Stoick with a crushing hug. She’s the one who saved his son’s life, after all. Astrid hadn’t even considered it, but Stoick’s falling all over himself to fix her cocoa, get her an afghan, wait on her hand and foot. Every now and then she’ll watch the father and son tease back and forth, and she’ll think that maybe she did the right thing in saving him after all. The same thing kind of happens when Gobber comes over, more bear hugs and fawning. It actually embarrasses her a little, how much they seem to adore her. 

It’s easier with Hiccup’s friends, who she’s met a couple times before. They end up in her bar sometimes, and once in a blue moon she’ll join them for a night out at Hiccup’s behest. She’s usually quiet, though she likes adding the occasional jab at Hiccup’s obnoxious, hyper-masculine cousin when he makes some misogynistic or generally offensive statement. She and Fishlegs get along really well, and he can usually lure her into a rousing history discussion. The twins are the ones she most runs into when she’s out clubbing, which she does less now that she has to hunt less. But she’s still nervous around them, because she always wonders what they might see or have seen. It doesn’t help that Tuffnut’s a zombie apocalypse enthusiast, always talking about people getting eaten. Ruff’s not so bad, but she’s got a friends-with-benefits thing going on with Snotlout that brings her entire sense of judgement into question. They’re both kind of unpredictable, and that always unnerves Astrid a little. Sometimes she’ll slide them a free shot when she’s bartending, just to stay on their good side. 

But on the whole, the gang likes her pretty well. And they have a tradition of getting take out on Christmas for their little get-togethers. They’ve all been friends since they were little kids, something Astrid can’t even imagine, and she watches them banter and laugh and bond with a kind of ache in her chest. Watching them trade presents, tussle Hiccup’s hair, make jokes about his nerdiness or his one-leggedness– it makes her feel so torn. She doesn’t belong here with them, in this kind of warmth. She’s a creature of death and blood. Will she even be in the same city as them next year? Would they hate her if they knew what she was? What if she accidentally kills Hiccup– they would mourn him so fiercely. And then she’ll feel his calloused hand squeeze her own, and she’ll look over to find his eyes smiling at her over the rim of his beer. And even though her heart hasn’t beat in centuries, she’ll feel it kind of flutter. Maybe this could work, if only for a little while. Maybe she should just allow herself to be happy tonight, for the sake of Christmas. 

So yeah, I have a lot of feelings about Vampstrid and the holidays.

I mentioned Astrid’s origins a little bit in the original post. She was born and raised as a human during the French Revolution. Very poor, but impassioned and bold. Very ahead of her time so far as feminism, and always at the front of any protest or fight. The violence of the time draws the attention of a few vampires, Heather being one of them. It’s kind of a predatory thing– so much bloodshed in the city mean that nobody looks too deeply into a dead body here and there, but the vampires begin to fight over territory. Heather begins thinking that she needs a helper of sorts, and Astrid’s fierceness draws her attention. She turns her, and though Astrid kind of balks at first, she’s gone from feeling powerless and oppressed to one of the most powerful creatures in the world. The two become really good friends– Heather the mastermind, Astrid the muscle. Astrid’s protective of her maker, of course, so she protects Heather from any threats, kind of like a bodyguard. Heather teaches her how to stay under the radar, how to drink without killing, and they end up spending about a century together. 

After a while, Heather begins to feel stifled and wants some space. She urges Astrid to go off and find her own way. Though she protests at first, Astrid eventually agrees. She sails off to Industrial Revolution America and kind of settles into the wild west. Maybe it’s silly, but I love the idea of a Kissin-Kate, Quick-and-the-Dead esque Astrid. A lone, fast-drawing cowgirl that roams the country. Sometimes she’ll come across a kind gentleman interesting enough to share stories around a campfire with, and she’ll leave him alive. Sometimes she comes across wanted men and will turn in their corpses for bounties. And then once the twentieth century hits, and the first World War comes around, she signs up as a nurse. Again– the more bodies there are, the easier she can eat without being noticed. 

She ends up with her kind of moral crisis here. She was raised catholic, and she’s always been a little religious, but when she sees so many young men dying, she really starts to kind of consider her immortality and how it plays into her beliefs. It crosses her mind a thousand times when she sees an injured soldier suffering– I could change him. End his pain. Brave boys– practically babies from her two-hundred year old perspective– losing their lives to the petty violence of men. It breaks her heart, and she almost does it so many times. But she considers herself to be damned, religiously speaking. She thinks she’s going to hell. And she doesn’t want to condemn someone else to that fate. Not to mention, she has no guarantee that without a guide like Heather, these young men turned vampires wouldn’t become cold-blooded killers. So she abstains. Watches a lot of people die. Sometimes she thinks she’s hardened her heart against it, and then she’ll try to save a soldier that doesn’t make it, or she’ll see a child caught in the crosshairs of war. That kills her all over again. But every life she saves, she feels like maybe she’s a little forgiven. Maybe God will be merciful. Maybe there’s some balance, a killed to saved ratio that she can weigh in her favor to avoid an eternity in hell. But it never really feels like it’s quite enough.

Then, after the wars, she settles on the upper east coast. That’s always approximately where I imagine Berk to be, in the Pennsylvania area. It’s less of a strange thing for a woman to live alone, so she gets her own place, finds jobs here and there. She tries to put all the death and destruction out of her mind and live a quiet, detached life away from conflict. It’s a few decades of quiet and boredom and loneliness, and then Hiccup comes into her life. 

[libidomechanica]

“of fifty, and of educations”

Down within the heart. Which their dangerous to his thou think no man   of fifty, and of educations   in Juans face, poised about married. “If he comes overturn, and also for the day might put this poor old grandmother beckond; and took my eyes the coming back to me. But whats worse, that fairer than her glamour disappointed staff lay at his plaidie,  kissin” Theniels bonie glen,  where honourd Homer read the fourth day came, and may thine eye is famd to abate,   rather seems to mourn, and largest, thou fair Eliza! Like the pulse that only thoughts more wise. Where nature apt sprites their sleep without, and of gentleman was her manner nor discredit you: zooks, sir, leave the cloud; hearst thou iollye shepheard long since thou shalt thou thyself, because is, one man loved and when she suckd awake, theyr sheepe han crustes, and shuns the red man dance   I may not even a visit us no more to bring themselves with one hand country houses gay, lambs frisk and half starved them (what I always with ruby wine, and others were taught; I turned with frisked curl— can compassion grew them and traced it.  Theniel Menzies bonie glen,  where she and horns, and the house that is the years gone, that comprehend, although my heart beat times a tussle,   and moonlight—three sins in this, at least, once gone, two blighted,   the munificent House rolls her eyes, but left below.)