#'imagine that. right under our noses' LISTEN I'M RIGHT AND VALID

[kanerallels]

Galen goes "they want to know your name... lad" and the hesitation transports me straight back to season 7 of Agents of Shield when Sousa was talking with "Peggy Carter"

[lost-souls-system]

It's time I make a post about this ongoing argument.

WE DON'T CARE IF WE DISAPPOINT YOU!

Your environment, [I'm talking about those homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, misogynistic people, and terfs], may have told you that being gay is a sin, a crime. But you don't have to swoop your noses into a queer trans person's business and say, "It's a shame that our generation is like this, turn to God and you can be saved! There is still a chance to turn back to God!" Like, PLEASE, you have to stop that. It discourages trans people who might be going through dysphoria. You are making them think it is not valid.

According to this link,

"The suicide rate among transgender individuals in India is about 31%, and 50% of them have attempted suicide at least once before their 20th birthday and 40–50 persons commit suicide every year in Karnataka state alone."

THIS. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

You are increasing the suicidal rates, and that percentage is just in one country. Imagine how much your words affect the people around the world! You might not know it, but you are making trans people consider and attempt to kill themselves. You might be a Christian, or a Catholic, trying to spread the Gospel around the world. Yes, I know, it is good that you are doing that for your religion. But please, don't do it when other people are already happy that they finally know who they are. Just seeing the posts and comments on other platforms about how they are uncomfortable and feel dysphoric because of the comments, it breaks my heart. Seeing people who are happy with their identity suddenly being bashed by the hateful and transphobic comments makes me angry and sad. It hurts me because I go through the same thing. I don't want them to experience that.

I want them to feel the love that I didn't experience. To feel the comfort of being who they are. But people who are bashing them with all these comments and posts saying that they should feel guilt and not happiness because it is the devil's temptation, it makes me see red. I am a young genderfluid person, and seeing these people do that to other young trans people, [including the non-binaries, genderfluids, gender queer, and all of the identity labels that fall under the trans umbrella], I feel anger, sadness, all of my emotions just gathering up and making me explode into this rant that I am writing.

I hate it. I hate people who think they are doing this for this generation to change. I hate it when they don't respect boundaries and cross them over. I hate it when people think they are doing what is right but they just increased the suicidal rates. I FUCKING HATE TRANSPHOBES, HOMOPHOBES, TERFS, AND THE FUCKING ANTI-QUEER PEOPLE. LEAVE US ALONE FOR GOD'S SAKE.

If you made it until the end, thank you for listening.

Can I ask you a favor? Please protect the trans people in your country environment, city, or town. Watch them, take care of them, and protect them from this godforsaken cruel world.

[lightsburnbrite]

Things We Do for Love: Part 4

Third part to Such a Thrill and The Devil is in the Details 

Watching Karina walk down the steps with Elsa next to her and a slightly smaller version of the same dog trying to find her footing behind, Leon couldn't help but to smile. He stepped out of his car and immediately embraced Karina as soon as she was within reach. He would have stayed that way longer except Elsa nudged her way in-between them and promptly laid herself at Leon's feet for a belly rub.

"She's missed you." Karina smiled too as she watched them interact. It only lasted a moment before Ember decided to insert herself into the mix as well. "Ok, girls, let's give him some space."

Leon straightened himself and leaned in to quickly kiss Karina's forehead. "It's ok, Maus. Let's go home."

They were both silent on the way home, Leon attempting to read Karina's mood and Karina simply gazing out the window, her homesickness melting away. As Leon took Karina's bags, he could feel her eyes on him as he placed them in the bedroom. When he came back out, he wrapped his arms around Karina and they stood there for a moment. 

Closing her eyes,  Karina sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Leon, there's something I need to tell you."

Leon felt himself stiffen, her tone was wary and now he was wonder what she would be nervous to tell him. "Yeah?"

"I…" She inhaled and pressed her lips together, forcing herself to hold his gaze. "Before I left last time, I asked my lawyer to suspend the divorce proceedings."

Leon searched her face for a moment as if he was trying to determine is she was playing some elaborate trick on him. "What does that mean? Are we still married?"

"Yes, essentially." She bit down on her lip as she took as step back. "I can either then give the go ahead to proceed or I can ask for it to be dismissed."

Leon nodded. "What do I need to do to convince you-"

"I think we should go to couples therapy…to make sure we're on the same page and it's not just nostalgia or whatever." She dabbed at the corner of her eye with her thumb. "Not that I don't think we're compatible-"

With a reassuring smile, Leon took hold of her hands. "Maus, listen to me, whatever you want, I'll do it."

"But it's not your fault, Leon." Karina could feel a lump forming in her throat. "I need to apologize to you, I overreacted and didn't even give you a chance to speak."

He gave her the chance to finish her thought and while he probably would have taken the blame just to make her happy, he wasn't going to disagree that Karina's unilateral decision to leave upset him the most. "So let me speak now."

Karina nodded, giving his hands the slightest squeeze.

"I wish you would have given me a chance to think about things before you took off." Leon ran his thumb over her knuckles hoping it came across at the loving gesture he meant. "But I also realize that your family just disowned you and you were overwhelmed…"

Now Leon swallowed hard. "Karina, you mean the world to me and my biggest regret is that I wasn't able to be there for you. But you do this thing where you just shut down and wall yourself off."

Karina was about to pull away from him but she realized that she'd be doing exactly what he had just said. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize, I can't imagine how painful it was…and still is for you." Leon frowned, deciding not to continue with his train of thought. "Look, it's getting late. Why don't we order some food and get you settled."

Karina poked around the carton of Pad Thai with her chop sticks while she listened to what Leon had been up to lately. When the conversation reached a natural lull, she spoke up. "Dr. Kattan said she would be willing to see both of us if you're comfortable with that."

"Of course." Leon nodded. "I told you I'd agree to do counseling."

Putting her food down, Karina rubbed her eyes. "Right, what I'm saying is, do you want to use Dr. Kattan or would you prefer someone completely new to both of us?"

"She knows you, she knows our history." He shrugged as he ate another dumpling. "It makes sense to me that we'd see her."

Pressing her lips together, Karina nodded. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Leon looked back at her, trying to figure out where she was coming from. "Do what? The therapy?"

"Are you sure you want to be married to me?" Karina wrapped her arms around herself but didn't move away from Leon. "I'm…a mess right now and I have no idea when I'm going to be back to normal. I don't know when I'm going to want to have sex again and you don't deserve to have to wait it out."

Inching himself closer, Leon wrapped his arms around Karina's shoulders and gave her a squeeze before holding her against his chest. "Karina, I love you and I'll wait as long as you need me to, I just want you to want to be my wife again."

He felt Karina sigh and her body almost melted into his. It was the first time that he had felt her relax since before this whole ordeal had started. "Are you glad to be back?"

"I've missed it here, I've missed hearing my own language, and I missed you." She let out a short laugh. "I told myself constantly that this, moving away, was for the best and that you needed someone different but I missed you."

Leon smiled. "You know I've missed you, Mausi."

"But Mathea was right there to help you get over me, right?" Karina frowned, choosing to examine her take out instead of looking at him. She knew she should not have brought up his relationship during their break up but she couldn’t stop herself.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Leon shrugged. "She came around as soon as you left…I was lonely and depressed because you were gone and she was convenient. What about the hipster Prince Charming?"

The tone of his question, earnest with just a bit of bite, made Karina smile. She was happy that he was willing to point out her hypocrisy. "I accidentally stepped on his foot getting off the subway and it was a lust at first sight moment but we never really clicked. Cosmo is a really sweet guy and he deserves someone better."

Leon did his best to hide his reaction. While Karina was never boastful or pretentious, lately she had been leaning towards self disparaging and it pained him to hear her think so little of herself. He wanted to put a stop to it, but he also knew that right now, she probably wasn't in the right frame of mind for his cheerleading.

"Any regrets?" Leon raised an eyebrow, attempting not to appear too hopeful.

Karina pursed her lips and shrugged. "Career wise, my time at AGO looks good and I got Ember but I also feel like I wasted a year and it feels like I'm even more of a wreck than when I left…I think I had valid reasons for leaving but I probably should have given myself more time to process things before deciding to leave."

Leon continued his internal monologue, deciding it wasn't his place to say anything aloud. Instead, he nodded and took another bite. "Makes sense."

As much as she tried, Karina couldn't suppress a yawn. "I think I'm just going to go lay down if that's ok."

"Yeah, yeah." He stood. "Let me just get a few things so I won't bother you if you fall asleep before I'm ready to."

Karina followed Leon into the bedroom, but waited in the doorway. Leon went to grab his pillow when Karina stopped him. "You can stay. I'm not going to kick you out of your own bed."

"Do you want me to stay?" He stopped in mid-step, waiting for her response.

"Would you?" Before she even realized what she was doing, Karina had pouted her lips just slightly. "Do you mind?"

Shaking his head, Leon felt the corner of his mouth lift up in a smile. "Not at all. I'm gonna go clean up, just give me a minute."

When Leon came back in to the bedroom, Karina was sitting on the edge of the bed, brushing her hair and pulling it up off her neck. It made him smile to see that she had gone to her regular side, like they hadn't been apart for so long.  

Leon climbed into bed and did his best to stay completely on his side. Karina was working on getting herself situated so he wasn't surprised that she occasionally brushed against him. Finally, she let out a life huff of frustration before tucking herself against his side, resting her left leg between his and draping her arm over his waist. 

"Better?" Leon smiled as he began stroking her hair.

Letting out a contented sigh, Karina nodded. "Sorry, I couldn't get comfortable."

"I like this better anyway." Kissing her on the top of her head, Leon smiled.

Karina woke up sometime in the very early hours of the morning. Gingerly, she eased onto her back, attempting to not wake Leon. 

Resting her head on his shoulder, Karina gently traced the contours of his stomach with her fingers. Still asleep, Leon let out a little moan as she circled his navel with her finger. It wasn't initially apparent to Karina, but he had obviously gained a noticeable amount of muscle mass since she had last seen him out of his clothes.

Karina silently laughed at herself and her somewhat sordid interest in Leon's new physique and went to move her hand away. In doing so, she brushed up against his groin only to find that Leon had an erection. Biting her lip, Karina slipped her hand under the waistband of his underwear and gently took hold of him. Ever so slowly, she drug her fingers up and down his shaft.

"What are you doing, Maus?" There was humor laced in the tone of Leon's voice, which was still heavy with sleep.

Looking up at him, Karina smiled. "It looked like you could use some help."

"You gonna keep going?" Leon bit his lip as he started to rub her back. Once Karina started up again, he closed his eyes, relishing her attention. The only thing that would have made it better, he thought, was if she was going to allow him to reciprocate. Clenching his jaw, Leon let out a strangled groan as he felt himself release. He kept his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath when he felt Karina kiss him on the cheek. Next thing he knew, she was using a washcloth to clean him up.

"Better?" She smiled sweetly at him, repeating his sentiments from earlier.

"God, Maus," Leon sighed as he readjusted his underwear and pulled Karina closer to him. "I've missed you so much."

She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled. "I know, sir. I've missed you, too." 

Karina waited until she knew Leon was asleep before opening her eyes again. She contemplated getting up and wandering around or scrolling aimlessly on her phone, but she didn't really have the energy to do either. Instead, she lay in bed, listening to Leon breathing steadily next to her, and stared at the ceiling until she could see the first few signs of dawn. She got up and dressed, taking the dogs out before making some coffee. 

Leon eventually meandered in but stopped just short of Karina. "I want to hug you, is that ok?"

Instead on answering, Karina closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Did you sleep ok?" Resting his head against hers, Leon gently rocked them from side to side.

Karina nodded and sighed, giving her self a few moments to gather her thoughts. "If it works for you, Dr. Kattan has an opening this afternoon."

"Oh, ok." Leon kissed the top of her head before turning his attention to the coffee. "Yeah, sure."

Leon wondered if Karina would mention anything about last night but she was acting as though she hadn’t jerked him off in the middle of the night. He frowned slightly, understanding that she needed time, but wondering if their time together would continue to be filled with mixed signals.  

Once Leon had finished his training, he stopped by the apartment and picked Karina up. "So…what happens in therapy exactly?"

"Lots of talking." Karina let out a yawn. "Sometimes she gives me stuff to do before our next session but mainly lots of talking."

"Ok." Leon nodded as if he was assuring himself. "That doesn't sound bad."

Karina smiled back at him. "Babe, you sat I on a few of my sessions, remember?"

"Oh, right!" His face brightened when he remembered how Dr. Kattan had indicated that Karina obviously felt safe with Leon. "That's really not bad, then."

Shaking her head, Karina smiled again. "I mean, it's not meant to be torture. I'd just like a third party to help talk us through some things."

"Ok. Do you need anything before I we leave?" Leon stuck his hands in his pockets to avoid touching her. Karina welcomed his initial hug but he didn't want to assume that she'd be accepting of more contact.

Karina took a step forward and smoothed his hair down while shaking her head. "I'm good, thanks. Let’s go."