#'people who can't order food without stuttering' or whatever

[clamorybus]

i know a lot of people say things like 'if my post doesn't apply to you then its not for you' when they make advice posts, which i totally get. but when people make posts dissing picky eaters or adult cartoon fans or whatever, and other people point out that includes disabled adults, i feel like "oh i didn't mean them!" doesn't really work, y'know?

[amive2567]

Characters: Tamaki Amjiki x GNReader; Izuku Midoryia x FemReader; Shouto Todoroki x GNReader; Hitoshi Shinsou x GNReader; Katsuki Bakugou x GNReader

Warnings: mention of period, pranks, fluff, swearing, OOC characters (maybe?), suggestive themes in Bakugous part,

Summary: As a famous Herowatcher(Youtuber), you wanted to film a video about how your boyfriend's reaction to your prank.

Words: Tamaki:366 Izuku:532 Shouto:590 Hitoshi:416 Katsuki:528

In the last few weeks, you saw a lot of videos about partners pranking each other. There were different pranks they did, and you decided to pull the fainting prank on your boyfriend.

You both planned to train outside today. To record your prank, you set up a camera in a bush so that Tamaki wouldn't notice it. You felt a bit guilty about that what you were going to do. But still, you wanted to execute your plan. The sun was pretty warm, which gave you the perfect conditions to do this. You were doing jumping jacks but suddenly stopped.

Your prank is starting now. "Are you ok?" asked Tamaki, who noticed your behavior change. You nodded but stumbled to your water bottle. Before you could reach it, you "passed out". "Sunshine?" he froze in his tracks and was paralyzed as you tried not to react to his anxious cry for you. He kneeled beside you. His thumb caressed your cheek, and you felt that his hand was shaking. "Are you ok? Oh, I had to watch out better. If I only had reacted immediately, I am so sorry." his voice was breaking. He took your legs and held them high. He tried to stabilize your circulation. "Please wake up," mumbled Tamaki anxiously.

Now you decided to clear things off. "Darling, it's a prank," you said. "What? Why would you do that?" he asked, confused. "I saw it on the internet and wanted to try it, but I didn't want to scare you." You sat up and hugged him tightly.

After a couple of minutes, you broke away from him. "See, there is the camera." You pointed to the bush. Embarrassed, he hid his face in the crook of your neck.

After the two of you finished the actual training, you edited the video and posted it on Herowatch. In the next few days, the video had a couple of thousands of likes, views, and comments:

SuneaterfanNo.1: God, he was so worried about them. I wish I had such a boyfriend.

User219: I am feeling like a single pringle right now. :(

FanfictionAdict: Because of your videos, my expectations of getting a partner are way too high.

Precisely you tried to adjust the camera on a shelf between a bunch of All Might figures. You hoped he wouldn't notice the camera you put there. Izuku was still working, but he had to be home soon. That was the perfect moment to prepare your prank. You switched patiently between the different apps on your phone until a message popped up.

I am only changing and showering at the agency. After that, I will come home.

Alright, see you soon, love. Oh, could you please bring some chocolate on your way home?

Sure, see you, honey.

See you too.

You laid your phone on the nightstand, patiently waiting for your husband to come home. You feel bad pranking Izuku after his stressful day, saving the lives of probably many children and adults, but special situations needed special measures. It was probably totally worth it to see his reaction to your "horrible cramps". He was such a sweetheart. It would probably give him a heart attack. Well, now, with this thought, you felt a bit worse.

After some time passed, the door opened, and your boyfriend entered your decent flat. Now was your time to show the world that you didn't suck at acting. "I am home." shouted the green-haired pro hero through your flat. "In the living room." You tried to sound like you would be in pain.

Apparently, it was convincing in less than a second Izuku was next to you. "What happened? Where does it hurt?" Sometimes he was too observant for his own good. "My stomach hurts so much." "Oh, can you think of a reason? Did you eat something bad? I will get you a hot water bottle." He rushed to the open kitchen to prepare the hot-water bottle. "I am probably getting my period." You grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly. "Ahhh." you groaned extra dramatically. "Do you want to take some painkillers?" "Yes, please." He took the hot water bottle out of the microwave. With quick steps, he got back to your side. Gently, he took away the pillow and replaced it with the water bottle. "I get you the painkillers." With those words, he rushed to the bathroom.

"We don't have any painkillers." Shouted Izuku apologetically. "That's fine." "I can buy you some. You shouldn't have to be in pain, honey." He came back to you. "There is no need to." A mischievous smile spread across your face. "How can you smile when you're in pain?" "Because I am not." If you got asked who best embodied a question mark, it would be your husband. "What?" "It was a prank." you laughed. "See, there is the camera." You pointed toward the pile of All Might figures. His shoulders lost the tension, and he hugged you tightly. "I am glad you are alright."

On the same evening, you edited the video and uploaded it on Herowatch. Since you were the wife of the number one hero of Japan, the video went viral.

ASinglePerson: The poor man was so worried. He is such a cutie.

Deku'sgreatestfan: Ahhh, Deku is so great. I love him.

SomeoneYouWillNeverMeet: We need more Y/N x Deku videos. You guys are so cute.

Balancing on a ladder, you tried to mount the camera on the high bookshelf. You hoped Shouto wouldn't notice the camera you put on there. Since he was still working, you could prepare perfectly for your prank, or rather reaction video. The number of times you had already pranked him wasn't high, but every seldom time it was funny to see his reaction.

While waiting for Shouto to come home, you filmed your intro and arranged your new sleeping place on the couch. You waited patiently for him, and when the key in the door turned, you knew it was time to pull out your acting skills. Habitually you would greet him with a hug and a kiss, but today everything had to be like you planned it. "I am home." You needed to pull yourself together that you didn't answer. The silent treatment was the best thing you could think of at the moment. If you started to talk, you would probably tell him the truth. "Y/N?" asked the heterochromatic man again. You heard his tranquil steps coming closer to the living room.

As he entered the room, his eyes immediately locked with yours. His eyes were filled with confusion, seeing you on the couch covered in your blanket that you usually use to sleep. "Are you ok?" You nodded. Now it was getting serious. "Everything is fine. I merely want to sleep on the couch today." "Why?" "I think you can answer that yourself." The poor man had no clue what you were talking about. He knew he did the laundry, helped you with your documents at the agency, and made your food. What had he forgotten?

You pulled the blanket over your body to signal to him that this conversation is over. Without a word, he took out a book from the shelf, and you worried that he saw the camera. He sat down in the armchair next to the couch. The only sound you could hear was the flipping of the pages. At that moment, you loved him even more. He respected your privacy and decisions more than every other person in your life ever did. "I am going to sleep now, have a blessed night." He put a bookmark in the book and put it back on the shelf. You felt strange not to go with him to bed.

As he said, he went to bed, and the flat the two of you lived in was unusually quiet. It was strange laying alone in the dark. You were so used to his presence that you couldn't sleep. Now you regretted not clearing the prank. A ruffling sound in the darkness caught your attention. "Shouto?" you asked into the dark. "Y/N, I am so sorry. Whatever I did, I did it unintentionally. I never wanted to hurt your feelings. I can't sleep without you. Can I sleep next to you?" Quietly Shouto came closer to your unusual sleeping place. "Of course you can. I am so sorry. It was just a prank." You swung the covers aside and ran into his arms. Gladly, the moon lit up the living room so didn't walk into the furniture. "Let us go to bed," you suggested.

The next day, you edited the video and uploaded it. Since you were the lover of the number two hero in Japan, your video blew up.

randomperson: Where can you get a bf like this?

NoName: He is such a sweetheart. I wish I had such a boyfriend.

SingleLikeAPringle: I feel so single with your videos.

It was finally your day off of hero work, so you decided to drag Shinsou to a cat café. That was one of your two intentions. Your second intention was to prank him a bit. Your Foryoupage on TikTok particularly exploded with "What would you do if I go back to my ex." - Pranks. Since you developed a big community on Herowatch, you wanted to make a short video about it too.

Secretly you recorded the two of you entering the cat café. You know how much Hitoshi hated the attention, so you often recorded your videos alone. But not today. Today was the day the whole world can see that Y/N L/N has a boyfriend. Well, not today exactly, because you had to edit the video so that Hitoshi can't be seen properly. Besides, you didn't want him to make him feel uncomfortable. This was just a way to get rid of the creepy people of the internet.

You ordered your drinks, and Hitoshi was already occupied with stroking the first cat. You placed the camera inconspicuously on the floor, so only Hitoshi's legs could be seen. "You know if we broke up, I would go back to my ex." you suddenly said and waited for his reaction. He casually looked up from the cat and nodded. "That's fine. I would also like to go back to my ex." "What..?" you stuttered, trying not to choke on your saliva. A mischievous grin spread across his face. "You heard right. I would go back to my ex." "You're joking." "Maybe. Maybe not." Now he couldn't hold back small laughter.

"Alright, jokes aside. You're practically binge-watching all those "What would you do if I go back to my ex." - Pranks. I know what you were trying to do. We are both aware that we are the exes with whom we get back together." He said calmly. "You retrolled me," you exclaimed loudly. "That's what you get when you mess with me, kitty cat." he winked at you. "Yeah, whatever." you scoffed and petted the cat in your lap.

The next morning, you edited the video, and looking back on yesterday, it was a bit funny.

InternetAdict: He is a smart guy. You are a lucky person.

VoiceKink: His voice is so soothing. Can I get his voice somewhere?

LoveYou: Your videos are so great. We need more of your secret boyfriend. We don't even need to see his face. His voice is enough to make someone go weee.

It was a rare occasion that your boyfriend Katsuki was at home, but today was the day. Because of that, you had to take your chance. Since your boyfriend is the most observant person on this planet. There was no way to hid a camera, so you used your phone instead.

He was currently next to you in the kitchen and cooked dinner for both of you. You often volunteered to help him, but he said your cooking skills were worse than Todorokis, which was something you had never thought. The Bakusquad, and you still believe that he watched too many shows with Gordon Ramsay as a child. He definitely adopted his behavior in the kitchen. Only today, you tried to ignore him, only for the sake of seeing his reaction. You sat on the barstool in front of your kitchen counter and pretended to do something on your cell phone. Even if you were actually only filming. Let the fun begin.

"Oi, babe, pass me the curry." Usually, you would have corrected him about the way he demands things, but now you just ignored him. He turned around and watched you. "Alright, I am getting it myself." You looked so concentrated on your phone that he didn't want to distract you. It went on like this for what felt like hours until Katsuki was done with cooking your food. He put the steaming plate in front of you, then he sat down next to you. You were still on your phone, so Katsuki snatched it out of your hands. "Hey." You exclaimed and immediately covered your mouth with your hands. Great, now the prank was ruined. "Why are you covering your mouth like that. Are you finally gonna talk to me now?" Still, you wanted to last a bit longer, so you kept quiet. "Fine, then not."

The two of you ate in silence till Katsuki had enough. "Alright, dumbass, what's wrong? You usually never shut up, and now your all quiet and stuff. Did somebody hurt you? I'll beat their ass. They're gonna die." he growled. You had to suppress a chuckle. Sometimes he could be so caring. Well, at least in his own individual way. "Then don't talk to me. I didn't want to know it anyway." Now you couldn't stand it any longer. "Why are you laughing, dumbass?" he asked bewildered. "I was just kidding. Everything is fine. Never thought you'd care so much about me." "Yeah, I care about your stupid ass. Now I want an apology. A good one with physical effort, if you know what I mean." He winked, and you got it. The video you wanted to film was long forgotten as you dragged him closer to the bedroom.

In the evening, you found your phone on the counter. Immediately you started to edit this whole thing. You finished late at night and finally got to upload the video on Herowatch.

Tsunderefan123: He is such a tsundere, but a lovely one.

SingleMom: Every time I watch your videos where he is involved, I feel so single.

Adviceseeker: Tell me a secret, how can you get a guy like him?

[kiiboslostahoge]

Hi hi!! If your request are open, can you please write lee zhongli & ler thoma? hehe

Sure! I'm so sorry for how late I answered this, I was kinda confused what scenario to do for this one, but I eventually got some inspiration. So enjoy pt. 2 of "Zhongli is super cool and scawy until he's tickled".

Warnings: Tickling. Nothing else.

Notes: Семь пятниц на неделе: Seven fridays in a week. Russian saying for when someone is lazy and isn't putting in any effort.

Без труда не вытащишь и рыбку из пруда: Without effort, you won't even pull a fish out of a pond. Russian saying for 'no pain, no gain'. In context, Thoma is telling Zhongli to try harder if he wants to escape, but we all know zhongli secretly likes it~

Thoma had been excited to meet Zhongli.

Why wouldn't he be? He'd spent ages listening to Childe, Hu Tao, and the Traveler ramble about the old man. It was safe to say his expectations were high, and they weren't disappointed.

However, he couldn't help but find the man a bit too serious. It was as if stone itself had decided to don the mask of a man. Zhongli was perfect, but this trait wasn't always a good one.

He never stuttered. He never tripped. He never, ever engaged in an act as "childish" as unrestrained laughter. It was as if a god was attempting to don the mask of a human and failing miserably.

Thoma, of course, didn't want to criticize people whose situations he didn't understand. Hu tao only advertised her business to raise awareness of the principle that death ought not to be treated as taboo, and nobody could ask Childe why he fought so much after learning of the horrors the harbinger had seen.

So Thoma waited for the other man to loosen up. That never happened. He set his expectations as low as possible and waited for the man to agree to go to a restaurant with him and the rest of their team, aka Hu tao and Childe, in hopes that he would be able to witness the consultant forgetting his Mora. That didn't happen either. One day, Thoma decided to work up the courage to ask Hu tao about this. Her answer:

"I dunno why he's so uptight either! Ask Childe or Lumine, they have this weird inside joke about him acting so human, dunno why."

So he did just that. Lumine had called in some weird favor from the harbinger to get him to tag along with her to Wanmin Restaurant and pay for Paimon's addiction, and Thoma saw opportunity.

"Hello, please excuse my interruption," he said.

"Interruption excused. Now then, feel free to order whatever you want! Tortellini here is paying after all," She winked at him, a signal that she would indeed appreciate it if he ordered everything on the menu.

"Sure, comrade, after all, I recently discovered that due to the little stunt Signora pulled in Lyue, this should all be off of her budget. However, due to her "unfortunate" passing, this means that it comes off of the Dottore's budget. Maybe if I waste his "research funds", he'll finally agree to fight me with full force!"

"Happy to know that dickwad is sad about this, Upset to know that you're not. Eh, you can't win all the time, I guess," Lumine shrugged.

"Actually-"

"I think our comrade here wants two servings of everything on the menu. Right, traveler?"

"Of course he doesn't. He wants three servings of everything on the menu."

Thoma, who didn't realize exactly how much they wanted, made an incredibly stupid statement.

"Five please. Waka eats a lot, largely due to his overworking tendencies."

Lumine and Childe shared a look that spelt nothing but trouble.

"You know, when I said five, I didn't know you were talking about everything on the menu."

"Too late!"

A lot of food and some teasing later, Lumine finally started a conversation.

"So, why did you come here? Don't get me wrong Thoma, you're the platonic love of my life-"

"I thought I was the platonic love of your life! Guess I'll just have to give you the defense artifacts this time around," Childe said with mock hurt.

"You would be the platonic love of my life if it wasn't for Tortilla," Lumine amended, "But you're cooking is brilliant and Zhongli can cook anything liyuean. What brought you here?"

"Actually, Zhongli is the reason I came here," he said sheepishly. Lumine's next words make her decide she is a mind-reader.

"Let me guess, he's too uptight and just won't loosen up? Well I'll tell you a secret. Zhongli is-"

"L-Lumine, the glorious Tsaritsa will see to it that I am punished if a breach of contract occurs wherein-"

"Childe, your God won't care if I tell him how ticklish your boyfriend is," Lumine said, and Childe visibly relaxed.

"That's a fact, comrade! Confirmed by yours truly," the harbinger said, pointing his thumb at himself.

"Oh, shut up , Childe. You're way more ticklish than Zhongli," she grumbled.

"T-That doesn't matter in this conversation, does it, comrade? After all, it would be a shame if someone decided to be a sore loser after you finally win our next spar," Childe threatened, his stutter at the beginning the only sign of fear.

"Ugh. I swear, one of these days I'll finish building all of those liyuean characters, then you'll see."

"Yes, yes, then our fights can introduce more childe-ish topics."

"Go screw yourself."

"Zhongli does that for me, you know. The other day, we-"

"I beg of you, shut your stupid mouth!"

"Um, Guys? I don't exactly like battles against unknown opponents. Care to tell me any weak spots?"

"Ask Childe. He probably does it allll the time, just like that one time where he wanted Zhongli's attention so he whined-"

"N-Now who needs to shut their mouth?"

"Still you."

"Oh, whatever. Just go for his hips! Our favorite consultant will have a great time with that! He also loves it when you go for his knees."

"Thank you for the information, Tartaglia. Anything I can offer you in return?"

"Just call me Childe, comrade! Besides, I don't need anything in return! Just the knowledge that the dear consultant has lost his cool demeanor yet again is enough for me," Childe smirked.

"A-Alright then. You shneznayans are certainly... something."

"Comes with the name, comrade! Tell me how it goes afterwards, okay?"

"Yeah, I think I'll go see Taroumaru and ask him some questions first. You know, gotta clear things up with my boss!" Yeah, questions about whether he really didn't need to work 24-hour shifts every once in a while. He adored Taroumaru and all, but this "break" just made him wish Ayato was feeding him Matcha cakes. Totally not because the idea of a different hydro-sword user tickling him did things to heart. He was the fixer of Ritou! He didn't get all shy over a common method of fixing moods.

With that conversation in mind, Ritou's fixer approached the Consultant of Wangsheng with one goal: Friendship.

"You know, I've always wondered why you're so uptight, good consultant. I decided to try and let go of this curiosity of mine, but it became overwhelming, so I asked Childe and Lumine. Do you know what they said?" Thoma inquired.

"I apologize, Thoma. I was not aware that you too would consider my mannerisms to be "uptight". After all, Hu tao and Childe are known for their undignified and jokingly deceitful mannerisms. It has now occurred to me that they were indeed telling the truth about my demeanor being considered "irregular". I will read up on the proper way to carry oneself in the future, and shall try to emulate said demeanor."

Thoma decided to never trust Lumine's opinion. First Childe, "He's just like you but less malewifey! C'mon, don't look at me like that, he's not gonna challenge you to a duel on the first encounter!"(Childe had in fact challenged him to a duel on the first encounter.) Now this, Thoma wanted to show this kind of thing to his favorite little puppies whenever they barked at him for saying something like "Ara Ara!". Waka had told him that was a way of saying hello but confidently.

"Even now, you're so uptight! So," he sing-songed, "Lumine told me that whenever you were uptight like this, I could use some of my magic as the fixer of Ritou! And she had a great idea! She told me you were..." Thoma paused for dramatic flair.

"Ticklish! I happen to find myself quite adept at the art of fixing moods, Xiansheng~"

"Thoma, I'm certain such hasty action is not necessaha-"

Zhongli was cut off by his own giggles as Thoma kneaded for his hips. Perhaps he was a bit too hasty, going straight for the kill, but who cared? It was Childe's fault anyway.

"There you go again, with that uptight speech of yours! Luckily for you, I'm sure I can fix that."

"Thohoma, Ihi assuhure yohou Ihi aham mohore thahan cahapahable ohof fihixihing thihis issuhue mysehehelf," Zhongli giggled out embarrassed, his hands distracted with the task of simultaneously covering his hips and his mouth.

"Ah, but that's what all the civilians say! We know they can't do it themselves though, because I'm still around! Besides, you're acting as if there are, like your boyfriend would say, 'Семь пятниц на неделе'. You don't even want to get out of here!" He teased.

"Peherhahaps ihit mihihight occuhur toho yohou thahat peheohople fihind theheihir reflehexes impehedehed whehen tihickled," The consultant said, as if Thoma was the one trying to read up on social skills.

"That's a lot coming from the guy who doesn't ever remember his wallet. You don't even show up to team lunches! Are you really that horrible at remembering your wallet?" Thoma got sick of Zhongli's hands, deciding to fake-out his teammate with a quick squeeze of the knees before instantly moving to the consultant's knees.

"Wahait, Thohoma, Ihi- Ahck! Ihi've 'lohohosehened uhuhup!'"

Thoma noticed Zhongli's squeal mid-sentence as he accidentally scribbled across the older man's ankles instead of feet.

"Looks like you aren't always so dignified, are you, Mr. Zhongli? I'll have to see the full impact of that spot, for research purposes of course!"

"Ihi assuhure yohou, thehe sahame thihing wihill hahapehen- Eep!"

"How dare you. Mister Zhongli!" he fake gasped, "You lied to me. Your squeal got even more girly this time! Guess I'll need to tickle you even more."

"Ihi truhuly dihid nohot anticihipahate- Aha, Thomaha!"

"There you go again, acting so formal!" He tsked, quickly scribbling across Zhongli's finely toned abs, "I guess I'll have to continue trying to tickle that out of you! And if you really want to escape, you ought to try harder. As your boyfriend would say 'Без труда не вытащишь и рыбку из пруда!'"

"Ihi cahanohot- Ack! Cahan't resihihist whihile thehe ticklihing ihis saha- Eep! Sahaps awahay my enehergy," Zhongli said, squealing as a mortal, one who had no formal training in combat at that, punished him for his formal mannerisms with searing tickles.

"Aww, now I know why your friends don't take you seriously, good friend! It really is gonna be hard to look at you the same way after seeing you giggling so hard," Thoma teased.

"T-Thohomaha!"

"Hmm?"

"C-Cuhut ihit ohohout!"

"And what's the magic word?"

"P-Plehehase!"

"Alright then, I guess I'll stop," Thoma simply knew when his victims had reached their limits, to cross a boundary would be horrible and simply be horrid.

"How do you feel, good consultant? A bit loosened up, perhaps? Whatever. Let's continue on our journey of slaughtering hilichurls and catching crystslflies after you've recovered from that little tickle attack. In the meantime, I'll make some traditional Sakura tempura for us, alright?"

"Of course, thank you for handling the meal this time. Oh, and Thoma?"

"Hmm?"

"What comes around goes around."

[ha-hatdog]

all in a day's work / daisuke kambe

somebod requested a badass reader? sorry for this very late update. online classes is kicking my butt. you wanted either a scenario or a headcanon so i decided to make both. long scenario/headcanom mashup ahead.

requsted by anon: Hii!! I just want to say first of all, that I just discovered your blog and I just fell in love with it, keep going you’re amazing❤️❤️ soo can I ask for a Headcanon or scenario (it’s up to you) where Haru has a female friend who works in modern crimes prevention and is really badass (like she knows how to fight and all that stuff), so one day she helps Daisuke and Haru in a investigation in which a fight starts and Daisuke gets impressed by her abilities and develops a crush on her (????)

UNEDITED

__

It was another mundane morning for the the Modern Crimes department. The room was oddly colder, and the civil servants occupying the compact and simple space secluded themselves with their own businesses. Mahoro Saeki sat on the couch partaking in an unhealthy snack she had shipped from a foreign country, Kamei Shinnosuke was browsing through the internet and more than once using to his advantage the global connection that comes with his access to the computer in order to satisfy his habits and indecent hobbies, Yumoto Teppei tuning in to the occuring horse race in an international channel in his device, Nakamoto Chosuke merrily bading his time reading through documents of recent illegal activities assigned to his care, Kiyomizu Yukihiro fiddling with yet another craft he made out of wood and glue, Kato Haru awaiting the telephone to sound off and have another indiviual summon him for a petty crime, and Kambe Daisuke seated far from the othere, legs crossed and chin resting on his knuckles as he appraised the tranquil area.

Haru slammed his hands on his desk and threw his head, moaning in disdain. "Why isn't the phone ringing?" Whined he as his posture was regained after a moment or so. His eyes, lit with pure frustration and impatience, glared at the telephone, as though threatening without verbalizing his objective would somehow make it ring. "Come on, ring, you stupid phone. How come you always ring whenever I don't want you to and don't when I do?"

"It's a slow day." Remarked Kamei, not takint his eyes off his computer as he regarded his colleague. "Try to enjoy it. You can have all your action some other day."

Haru leaned against his chair, back sliding against the backrest and the back of his neck hitting the edge of his leverage. "Not everyone has weird hobby to keep themselves entertained." Countered Haru, and a pout formed on the blond male's lips at the comment. "This job is what keeps me from going insane."

The offended male turned his swivel chair to face Haru, face scrunched with the same attribute he exuded, "Oi, don't say it like that. It's bad if you describe it like that."

"It's weird without even having to add the adjective." Saeki chimed in between her chewing, humming as the flavor of the chip formerly cinched in the possession of her fingers travelled to her taste buds.

Kamei whipped around to her position, shoulders tensr with the taste of truth and reality, both of which ignored in favor of living in bliss. "It's nor weird. It's perfectly normal for men to be looking at those . . . sort of inappropriate . . . videos." His words trailed off as he came to realization that his own defense betrayed him.

"I agree, but not at work." Haru simply retorted. "Would you want to see me cooking a whole feast inside the precint?"

Kamei looked up in ponder, mouth curling as his thought process stuttered before he presented his inquiry, "Do we get to taste the food you made though?"

Haru stared at the blond man with an impervious mask decorating his appearance, unimpressed with how the man broached the metaphorical event served to him. "Never mind." Shaking his head with amicable dismay, Haru turned his seat to a half circle, arms taking space upon the the armrests. His line of sight crossed over the facile yet minimalistic design of their room, the dull colors of the walls an addition to his disinterest until it landed on a brooding and well vested man.

The referred individual had boredom etched all over his striking features, the lack of events occuring in the Modern Crimes he could invest his time in had him in a bad mood although showcasing it to his colleagues was not his cup of tea. He and Haru were different, and how they handle themselves in this patience consuming day was one of them.

"I'm surprised you're still here." Haru conveyed with a vestige of astonishment. Truly the older man had no such ability that could understand the complexity of his wealthy counteepart. Most days, whenever days were a little too slow for his liking, he would up and retreat back to his home (mansion seems more of an appropriate term to refer to his household) but lately, he had been spending more time in the precinct, and Haru did not know how he should react to this development, or devolvement. His comment floated in the density formulating inside the office, and everybody present swiveled their heads to await his response. "I thought you'd be back in your house now. No cases today, it seems. No games to entertain yourself with today."

"Tell me something I have yet to know, Inspector Kato." Retorted Daisuke, and a tick mark grew on Haru's forehead, but his displeasure to his rude counter was ignored as Daisuke brought his fingers to his ear. He spoke, enough for others to hear his statements. "HEUSC, locate the nearest and most recent crimes occuring within the area."

Haru rose from his seat, alarmed. "Oi, what do you think you're doing?"

Daisuke did not respond to Haru and awaited his butler's relay of information. It did not take more than a few seconds until it has accumulated enough information to submit to his master. "A few streets away, a murder of two took place in a bar called Denyr. Investigation is in process currently."

Daisuke removed his hand from his earpiece and looked towards a flabbergasted. "You heard HEUSC. Let's get going." Daisuke stood up from the couch, dusting himself off before making his way towards the door.

"Wait a minute," Clamored Haru, and Daisuke looked over his shoulder to gaze at him. Haru gritted his teeth, irritated. "You can't just up and go and do whatever you want! This is not your call! We weren't called so we'll just disturb everyone else who's already there."

"Aren't cops allowed to interfere in crimes or disturbance in peace whenever they want? It's their job." Said Daisuke. "And besides, you're just as eager as I am to do something other than waste the entire day waiting for the phone to ring." Then he frowned. "Unless, I'm mistaken, of course. I have no qualms leaving you here. I'm sure you'll be useful for warming up your chair for tomorrow."

Haru growled at him. "You stupid . . . " He grunted and took his jacket off his chair. "Fine! I'll go with you, just to keep you in check!"

“Wait a minute,” Exclaimed Saeki, causing Haru and Daisuke to turn just as the latter had began turning the doorknob. The pink haired female abandoned her seat in favor of giving them a standing and patronizing narrowed glower. “Haru, aren’t you forgetting something today?”

Haru looked up in thought, trying to recall what Saeki was implying. Nothing significant manifested in his line of thought and he turned to his colleague with a frown conjuring in his mien. “Uh, I don’t think I’m forgetting anything.” Answered Haru.

Daisuke grunted, displeased by the interrupting. “Then let’s get going.”

Daisuke pushed the door open and stepped outside. Haru was following suit, shrugging his jacket on when Saeki called out for them once more, particularly the older officer. She had her arms crossed, an unamused pout forming on her brims. “Haru, don’t be stupid!” Clamored she. “I can’t believe you forgot what today is!”

Haru let out an exasperated sigh. “I honestly can’t remember what makes today so important.” Said he. “What is it?”

Kamei rolled his swivel chair back, making sure to reveal himself from any obstructions blocking his form. “Eh? You of all people forgot (Your Name) is coming back?” He conveyed and whistled right after. “That’s surprising, and disappointing. I’m sure she won’t be thrilled knowing you’ll be the last one welcoming her back after her hospitalization – her best friend, her partner in crime.”

Haru’s face fell upon acquiring the information relayed to him. His mind refreshed, finally remembering the time when you took your time from resting in the hospital just to tell him you were soon to be discharged after the outcome of you recklessly electing to throw yourself in front of him when the perpetrator pulled the trigger and shot a bullet his way. You were fortunate enough to have the cylindrical metal projectile imbedded nowhere near any of your vital veins, but due to your blood loss as well as the stacking strain and stress in your body forced you to be admitted in the care of the hospital. Haru was sure you were not supposed to move when you selected to take your phone and call him because he can hear the nurse in the other line scolding you, telling you to end the connection and to rest easy for the remaining week. He could only miss you more – he knew how much you hated doing anything but police work. Haru couldn’t believe he forgot about that since he distinctly remember hardly being able to be consumed by sleep when excitement for your return filled him.

“Shit, it’s today.” Cursed Haru as his shoulders dropped. He slapped his palm against his forehead, groaning. “My God – how can I forget? I’m the worst partner ever.”

Daisuke glanced at Haru, bemused. This was the first time he had heard over this (Your Name) woman. To him, Haru was always a lone wolf who preferred to be alone in his work unless he was required to have a companion with him. Or maybe because it was loyalty to his said partner kept him from going to missions with another. Daisuke looked back at Saeki and Kamei, “Who’s (Your Name)?”

Haru wanted nothing more than to hide your existence from Daisuke. You already had so much in your plate and having a rich bastard interpolating with it was more than you can handle, especially after being hospitalized for quite a while. But it was inevitable for the two of you to meet seeing as Daisuke seemed to be taking a strong liking with playing cop and were in the same department as him. So resigning with the concept of keeping you away from Daisuke, Haru let out a deep sigh. “(Your Name) is another cop in our department. She’s my partner.”

Daisuke blinked at him. “Someone can actually put up with you?”

Haru angrily show his fist to Daisuke, irritation swathing his figure. “What was that? I should be the one saying something that! I don’t know how Suzue-san can put up with your rich ass!”

“Maybe if you’re rich, you’ll know.” Countered Daisuke.

Before Haru could grab hold of Daisuke’s collar, the latter efficiently evaded his attempt to do so and stalked off into the corridor, adjusting his pristine suit as he ventured away. “If you want to stay here and wait for your partner, fine by me. I can go alone and handle the murders all by myself.” He said without looking back to meet Haru’s hardened gaze. “I’m sure this (Your Name) person is more important than the safety of other Japanese citizens.”

“O-Oi, I haven’t even decided yet! Don’t assume I’m not going!” As much as Haru wanted to be the first person to greet you back to work, he too loved justice and cared about the people who wanted to live in peace. Clicking his tongue out of annoyance, he turned to everyone left in the room, and all of them returned his gaze with bemused expressions. “Kambe and I will be quick. We’ll just drop by the crime scene and then cime back. I’m sure I’ll be able to return here before (Your Name) can. If not, tell her I’ll be back soon.”

***

daisuke was never inclined to pursue a romantic relationship. ever since witnessing his mother died, his life had been reserved into finding the truth. but little did he know, his perspective in love and romance will change, and hary will most certainly freak the fuck out

the two police officers arrived in the crime scene in a short amount of time. with how daisuke was speeding, it was understandable they would get there fast and very understandable how haru's whole life flashed right before his eyes. daisuke was actually tempted to go even faster but opposed to it after a while as he did not want to deal more with haru's tantrum after he recovered.

of course when they arrived there, the detectives assigned to the case shooed them off because they're not part of the investigations.

daisuke knew how to deal with them, of course. he brandished stacks of yen to include them in the case and the detectives were like 👀 because you know, who doesn't want extra cash?

haru didn't bother complaning anymore and just went to work. he wanted to get back to the station as soon as possible and welcome you first. best friend efforts, get a best friend like haru.

haru: "i scout the ground floor, you go upstairs - AND NO SPENDING MONEY YOU RICH BASTARD"

daisuke:

haru:

daisuke:

haru:

daisuke:

haru:

haru: "and - "

daisuke left before haru could finish his sentence. really daisuke just stayed and didn't answer him just so he could piss haru off. it worked nonetheless and daisuke can hear haru cursing at him as he walked upstairs

but we all know whatever daisuke does pisses haru off so so it didn't matter.

daisuke went up to the second floor if the bar and he saw how thrashed the place was

overturned tables, fallen chairs, broken bottles, reeks of alcohol, smears and pools of blood but everything seemed pleasant to look at compared to the two corpses that laid out on the floor with police tapes around them. it looked like a small massacre occured in there, and thay surely was the case

head smashed, chunks of flesh scattered, broken skulls but daisuke merely stared at them blankly

he wasn't disgusted nor disturbed. seeing his own mother's corpse was enough for him to deem gore as just another normal addition to his life

like another detective, daisuke began looking for clues. he searched the entire place like the good and professional detective he is -

who am i kidding - the first thing he did once he sees the condition of the second floor was, or course, ask HEUSC for information. screw asking them from fellow detectives when daisuke has his own ai butler

ahh perks of being a kambe

daisuke: "heusc, tell me the exact number of people that attended this bar between nine am to twelve in the afternoon"

heusc: "understood"

it did not take long until heusc responded

heusc: "the exact number of people who attended genyr is twenty seven. twelve in the ground floor, twelve in the ground floor, fifteen in the second. there are two dead bodies found in the second floor - "

daisuke snapped his head to the ceiling as soon as he heard a soft creak emit from over him

daisuke stared at the ceiling for about a moment before askint heusc - "look at the footage from the surveillance cameras surrounding the the bar. how many people fled outside?"

daisuke heard another creek above him, and this time he was sure he wasn't alone

and his unknown companion would love to have him in the same state as the corpses

and heusc replied: "twenty four"

daisuke closed his eyes, "is that so?"

heusc: "one person remains inside the building"

daisuke dropped his communication with his ai and positioned himself to a clean posture, back straight and hands tucked inside his pockets

daisuke: "you can come out now. no use hiding. i know you're here"

no response

daisuke clicked his tongue, "i heard you moving around in the ceiling the entire time i'm here and it's only been two minutes. you're not as discreet as you think you are. reveal yourself now and i'd consider lessening your time in jail."

still, silence greeted him

daisuke was growing irritated by the lack of answer given to him.

daisuke: "a coworker of mine needs to be back at the station right now for a reunion with his girlfriend - " daisuke paused as he imagined haru having a girlfriend. " - so let's keep this short and simple. surrender and as i have promised earlier, i will try to get you lesser years in prison"

but daisuke was not intending to keep this promise. even he knows giving a generous offer to criminals would weaken their resolve

but again, there was no answer

but he expected this

he always does to every case he gets handed with, or forced his hands to

daisuke observed the ceiling through a blank lense before sighing "if this is how you want things to go down, then so be it"

daisuke touched his earring and deliberately increased the volume of his voice as he spoke to heusc - "heusc, purchase the bar and its neighboring buildings and set a bomb for twenty minutes. tell the others to get out of here as soon as possible" he sneered at the ceiling. "i don't mind dying inside this bar with the suspect. it's the norm for a police officer to risk theit lives in the name of justice"

he sounded like haru for a moment there

heusc responded immediately: "understood, sir. balance: unlimited"

it was after that statement did a response come to light

the ceiling above daisuke broke as a firm kick broke through the fragile material

daisuke jumped away before a slim figure of a man dropped down from the hole

before daisuke could move, the man dashed pass him and out of the room, his oustretchrd hand barely grazing the bloodied clothes he wore

daisuke didn't waste time and recovered from his stunned state before following after the perpetrator

daisuke kept losing track of the man from time to the time and when he got down to the grounr floor, he saw no sign of him

nobody was present inside the bar anymore per order of heusc and money

all except for haru of course who immediately ran out of the place he was scouring and back to the main room

daisuke knew he heard heusc's order to leave the building but

haru will always be haru

haru, upon seeing daisuke's solemn state, asked: "what happened"

daisuke: "the man - did you see him?"

*haru, confused noises*: "what man? who?"

daisuke: "the man who killed the peple upstairs - he was still here and he ran down, didn't you hear him?"

haru: "no, i didn't - " his sentence was cut off when a figure suddenly lunged at him

lo and behold the criminal who was hiding behind an overturned couch

haru and the man tumbled down to the ground, fists and feet swinging wildly. daisuke watched as haru struggled to acquire dominance over the situation

daisuke: "heusc, identity of the killer"

heusc: "sakatoshi matona, a former bouncer for genyr until he was let go without reason"

haru strung out profanities and grunts as he and the matona rolled on the floor, trying to pin the other down. with a boost of strength, matona managed to get the upper hand and he put all his weight on haru. his hands found haru's neck and began strangling him

daisuke was like aren't you cop? win you idiot in the inside and haru was like aren't you a cop? help me you bastard in the inside. just the norm for the reckless and seemingly suicidal cops

haru: "gwet hiff op opp mii"

heusc: "transalation: get him off of me"

daisuke took action after that. he pulled matona off of haru and immediately socked him on the face

matona stumbled back but daisuke underestimated the time he would tske to recover and he tumbled back as the criminal retaliated with a punch of his own

daisuke dodged the assault but in the process, temporarily losing his posture. matona took this as an opportunity to continue his line of attacks, landing a few good hits on daisuke but majority of the time, he failed

daisuke recovered from the initial shock matona has inflicted him with and returned to momentum ane he was preparing his attack when bam - haru kato

my day be so fine then boom - haru kato

daisuke's eyes widened when haru, after standing up, tried to lock matona's arms to prevent him from moving anymore but instead, his chest met with an elbow

air was taken away from him and haru staggered backwards, clutching his chest and matona seized him

daisuke cursed and shot forward to help him but stopped when matona took haru's gun away from him and pointed it towards haru

matona: "stand back or i'll shoot"

haru raised his hands in surrender but daisuke did not

and haru was: ?????!!!!! tryna get me killed????!!!!

daisuke: "i can keep my promise, you know"

matona pointed the gun at daisuke

matona: "how can you when you're just a lowly cop?"

daisuke took out his cigar and lit up

daisuke: "yes, because a lowly cop can just buy buildings with a single command from an ai"

matona growled "rich, snobby, uncaring, and a liar. you're just the same like the people i killed"

daisuke opened his mouth to reply when a feminine voice cuts in

"finally, a confession. now we can get this over with"

before anyone could react appropriately, matona felt a hand take hold of his stolen gun and tore it away from his grasp before a heel sunk into his stomach, causing him to spit out blood

daisuke saw her, a woman standing with such grace, confidence, and strength with a gun in her hand and a smirk on her brims

daisuke couldn't move not from shock, but with admiration

who was this woman?

and what was this thudding in his chest

doki doki

his face was hot, very hot

and so was the woman

"( YOUR NAME )???"

daisuke turned and saw haru gawking at you

haru: (@[]@!!)

daisuke: （－－）

also daisuke: is that really (your name)? haru's partner? haru's girlfriend?

daisuke: hmp hmp（｀ー´）

you turned to both of them and daisuke was blown away with you that he nearly fell

he thinks you're very pretty

V E R Y

doki doki

you smiled widely at them: "haru, it's so nice to see you again" and then you turned to daisuke

daisuke froze and his cigar dropped

you glanced back at haru: "you already replaced me?"

haru: "tf no! rich boy here wanted to plays cops for a while so he went to our department. you know me, i could never replace you"

daisuke glared at haru

it waa obvious he was trying hard not to upset you (though you didn't look like the type who would get easily offended)

plus he's pushing a single and narrow minded narrative about him towards you. what if you hate him?

but you didn't and merely smiled at him, ignoring the criminal trembling from the pain of your kick

you: "my name is (your name)"

daisuke.exe has stopped working

jk that won't happen to daisuke

for now at least

daisuke: "kambe daisuke"

you, smiling: "nice to meet you, kambe daisuke!"

haru: "how did you find us here?"

you: "was gon get a drink before i head to the station but then i saw police tapes and stuff"

haru looked alarmed: "YOU WERE GOING TO DRINK RIGHT AFTER YOU GOT RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL"

you turned away from them, facing matona: "you can continue scolding me after we arrest this killer, haru. sorry in advance for haru, daisuke. he can be pretty overbearing and protective"

daisuke: "i can tell"

haru was offended okay?

you were already teaming up with daisuke to tease? betrayal.

haru: "how dare you (your name) - "

you did not let haru to finish his sentence and starter beating the shit out of matona like DAMN GHORL

daisuke and haru watched from a distance as you expertly used the gun to your advantage without pulling the trigger. you used the metal to hit him in fragile parts of his body in order to limit his movement

daisuke gawked at you

he has never seen such fluid execution for an arrest

daisuke looked: O-O

haru, seeing him, smugly crossed his arms and said: "you get to see how amazing (your name) is as a cop. she's my partner"

just as he said that, you pinned the criminal down on the ground, gun discarded, your one hand straining his arm behind his back and the other pinning his other hand on the ground

you: "i just got out of the hospital. how did i still win?"

daisuke suddenly frowned

oh, right. she's haru's girlfriend.

several minutes later, you successfully managed to arrest sakatoshi matona and the other detectives came to take him. but of course, you made sure you, daisuke, and haru were getting the recognition

like hell you were letting someone else get the glory for your efforts

you returned to daisuke and haru, smiling

they were talkiny when you hugged haru from behind

you: "haru i missed youuuu. it was lonely without your annoying butt looking out after me all the time"

haru flushed red

haru: "if you didn't catch the bullet for me then - "

you: "and let you get shot instead? nu uh, no way. i would take any bullet for you. right, daisuke?"

he felt speechless when you regarded him

daisuke didn't know what else to say to you so he said: "yes, i agree"

but somehow the the thought of you getting shot angered him

haru looked at daisuke, thinking: he acting kinda sus rn

you turned to haru and the two of you began catching up, smiling and laughing

you two looked comfortable so with each other. you two were carbon copies of one another, except you were ten times better, sorry haru

you two were made for each other

no wonder you're his girlfriend

you: "how's everyone in the precinct?"

haru: "still the same. everyone missed you"

daisuke: "are you two together?"

haru: 👁👄👁

you: *long ass laughing emoji*

haru turned very red, shouting: "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT IDEA"

daisuke: "you said you were partners - "

you: "i didn't know you liked me that way, haru - "

haru: "NO I DON'T KAMBE WAS JUST BEING A DUMBASS"

you tittered and turned to daisuke: "no, we're not together, kambe-san" you tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. "sorry if i scared you"

daisuke felt relief wash over him

daisuke: "i was just wondering. you and haru seemed very close so i was just making sure i wasn't misunderstanding"

daisuke froze with wide eyes when you leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek

and you whispered to him: "gotta work on being discreet when you look at me. i can practically see you chasing after me in the future with how you were looking at me. i'm flattered you find me that fascinating"

you turned to the shook haru: "i like this one, haru. we should bring him along with our cases"

you regarded them both: "anyways, i'll be heading over to the station first. i can write up the report and have man behind bars quickly. don't worry though, i'll make all three of us have the glory. i trust that you two can finish up here without me?"

the two men wanted to say something but both of them were stunned. you just kissed daisuke on the cheek and your best friend saw it. daisuke's eyes were wide and haru had his jaw dropping down

they still didn't say anything when you bid them farewell and just watched as you went to a police car with another cop where matona was and sped off

daisuke can feel his heart hammering against his chest

what was this feeling? it was so strange and . . . it's just strange, but he was not oppossed to thie feeling

in fact, he wanted more of it. as long as it came from you, it was fine

haru, however, was not

haru looked like he had seen the most horrifying thing ever

B E T R A Y E D

his best friend and this cop wannabe?

D I S G U S T H A N G

daisuke cleared his throat and turned to haru to say something but was met with a finger pointed at his face and haru looking vexed

haru: "you - "

the bar and the buildings nearby exploded beforw haru could say anything more. everyone except for daisuke was startled and sunk down on the ground

daisuke was not though. and he remained standing. not for the reason he forgot about the bomb he instructed heusc to plant but because

- you kissed him and he was self destructing

daisuke held back the smile threatening to tear through his face

haru: "w-what was t-t-th - "

daisuke: "i forgot about the bomb, sorry"

[mopeytropey]

a beer bud series: chapter 11

author’s note: times are tough. stay safe. read some fluffy fic. take care of each other.

Timeline: this is set just before Lincoln and Octavia's wedding, probably in the realm of chapters 11 and 12 of apu, after Clarke has given Lexa a key and asked her to move in (because they are both too gay to function)

Beer: La Ferme Urbaine FARMHOUSE ALE

Influenced by the Belgian saison style, La Ferme Urbaine features a complex blend of German hops, pilsner and pale malts, wheat, rye, oats, and spelt. The beer pours a hazy straw color and delivers a spicy, dry finish.

ABV 7.8%

Posted to AO3 here, or below the cut: 

:::

:::

“This is going to require some intense renovations.” Lexa stands with her hands in her front pockets, neck craned towards a dilapidated two-story house on a small corner lot. Its Victorian architecture is nearly eclipsed by peeling paint, broken windows, and a sagging porch, but the way Lincoln’s face beams, it’s as if the house shows no signs of disrepair. “You sure you’re up to task?”

“Hell, yeah.” Lincoln’s confidence is as strong as the late afternoon sun, glaring in a burning orange glow as it reflects off the windows of the historic city buildings surrounding them.

He then launches into an animated diatribe of improvements and restoration projects, pacing the perimeter of the property as he gestures to certain aspects of the house with broad hands. He and Octavia have likely discussed these visions of their future home endlessly as they await inspection reports and closing signatures to make everything final. Their initial offer had been accepted almost immediately, and Lexa has to believe it is thanks to, in part (if not entirely), the authenticity of her good friend’s charming demeanor.

“It’ll be a massive undertaking, but with the right help—”

“You planning to swing a sledge with me during the demo stage?” Lincoln grins.

“God, no.” Lexa nearly shudders. “Though I imagine Clarke might enjoy the destructive release of aggression after some of her more challenging bar shifts.”

Lincoln chuckles and returns to stand by Lexa’s side as they continue to gaze up at the house. “Yeah, Octavia too.”

“I’m so excited for you.” Lexa smiles up at him, nudging their shoulders together as Lincoln meets her eye with a grin of his own. “About everything.”

His upcoming nuptials (which have explicitly been banned from being referred to as a wedding) are less than two months away, and Lincoln hopes to have the keys to their new house in hand before the ceremony. He and Octavia seem happier than ever—real life exemplars of a healthy, supportive relationship between two friends in love. Lexa feels a kindred satisfaction at having found something similar with Clarke. Perhaps no one would have predicted these outcomes, but she and Lincoln have done rather well for a couple of kids who spent years feeling unwanted and unloved.

“What can I say: I’m living my best life.”

“Truly,” Lexa laughs, leaning into the nook of Lincoln’s armpit as he wraps an arm around her shoulders.

Even for early April, the weather has warmed, and the sun hangs in the sky for longer intervals. There’s no longer a bite in the air, even in the cooler, evening temperature. The breezes coming in off of the harbor have a fresh scent, like rejuvenation in the air that will soon breed blossoms on all the trees and fresh shoots of grass beneath their feet.

Lexa is perfectly comfortable in her jeans and a soft, grey henley layered with a pastel flannel that she has permanently borrowed from Clarke’s side of the closet. A closet that they now share in an official capacity. Lexa’s mouth slopes into a stupid grin at the thought of their now shared space. Her stomach swoops because of the new gold key in her pocket that she can feel between her fingers.

“I could say the same for you,” Lincoln tells her, somehow reading her thoughts. “You get all your stuff moved in yet?”

Her breath stutters at the mention of it, at the vision of scattered boxes and her random belongings that have slowly infiltrated Clarke’s space. “My lease isn’t up until the end of the month, so I’ve been moving things gradually.”

“Not ready to fully commit, huh?” Lincoln jabs with a teasing grin.

“I feel exceptionally confident about it, thank you very much.”

“What? Just like that?” Lincoln laughs. “Where is the torturous, internal Lexa struggle? Where are the mountains of anxiety about making the wrong call or moving too fast? Is this what four months as Clarke’s girlfriend has done to you?”

Lexa shrugs as if her chest hasn’t just snapped like a rubber band at being called Clarke’s girlfriend, a title that still sparks jittery excitement. Particularly when she is still grasping the house key that Clarke has recently given her. “Apparently.”

“Well, it’s a good look on you.”

“Thanks.”

They’ve stopped at the house Lincoln intends to buy with Octavia on their way to food and beer at Dockside, having fallen into the habit of visiting the girls during their longest shift of the week. With the mention of Clarke and the newest development in their relationship, Lexa feels a sudden wave of impatience to continue their walk to the bar where she knows Clarke and Octavia will be waiting to greet them.

Lincoln releases a long, contented sigh. “Should we head down to see the girls?”

Lexa exhales in turn and attempts to answer in a measured and completely unhurried manner: “Sure.”

:::

It’s just shy of six when Lincoln pulls open the front door of Dockside, allowing Lexa to walk through into the familiar establishment. Her eyes perform a practiced scan of the room, but Clarke isn’t immediately visible as she and Lincoln head straight for the half-empty bar counter.

Octavia is chatting with other customers as Lexa and Lincoln approach, but she winks at Lincoln, her mouth curving just so, mid-conversation, which has him beaming as he slides into a bar stool.

“That’s my future wife,” he stage whispers, and Lexa can’t help but smile at how ridiculous being in love with Octavia has made him.

They’d been more than halfway to the bar when Lexa had received an S.O.S from Clarke about caffeine and sudden fatigue and exaggerated pronouncements of loyalty, commitment, and sexual favors if Lexa would bring her coffee. Of course, it strictly goes against her better judgement to enable Clarke’s reliance on caffeine in unhealthy measurements.

Then again, Lexa has lost almost all ability to ever actually tell her no because being in love with Clarke has made her better judgements ridiculously feeble.

As such, she stands beside Lincoln with a small half-caf drip in a paper cup from Clarke’s favorite roaster, a generous concession without fully giving in to her girlfriend’s unredeemable habit.

“Clarke’s in the back if you want to bring that to her,” Octavia says as she approaches.

“Oh. Okay.” Lexa starts for the black swinging door of storage before Octavia calls out again.

“Sorry—not the stockroom. The other back.” She’s jutting her thumb over her shoulder when Lexa turns around, indicating the narrow corridor behind the bar counter that leads to Clarke’s office and the back entrance.

“Oh. Right. Thanks,” Lexa smiles. “I’ll be right back,” she says to Lincoln.

“I’m starting a timer on my phone,” he calls after her. “Just because I’m curious to see how long it takes you to deliver a cup of coffee.”

She just manages to stop herself from flipping him off before pushing through the door, leaving him with a meaningless scowl.

:::

Clarke looks up from whatever she’s been working on as Lexa steps into the open doorway with a smile she intends to curb by biting her lower lip.

“Hey.”

“Oh my god, I can't believe you actually brought me coffee. I love you.” Clarke says it offhand, a bit theatrically even, but Lexa’s stomach flip-flops all the same.

She enters the office with a slow stride and gently places the paper cup onto Clarke’s desk. “That’s half decaf, by the way.”

Clarke’s face falls as she eyes the beverage with sudden disdain. “Oh my god, I can’t believe we have to break up.”

“Ouch. It’s nice to see you, too.”

“Get over here.” Clarke has already snared her wrist with a widening smile, pulling at Lexa’s arm so that she is forced to lean across the desk and meet Clarke’s waiting grin. “Hi,” she almost whispers after their lips part.

“Is this how you typically break up with people? Because it’s actually pretty enjoyable,” Lexa murmurs into the space between their lips.

“Shut up,” Clarke laughs before they are kissing again, Lexa’s palms flat against the desktop while Clarke’s fingers thread into her hair.

It’s still a soft greeting and nothing obscene—two people happy to be in the same space again after a short time apart—but Lexa feels the quickening of her pulse all the same.

“Thank you for my fake coffee.”

“Clarke.”

“Lexa.”

Never before has she felt so unapologetically mocked by a single person yet utterly enamored in spite of it. Lexa pinches her lips together and looks away from Clarke’s teasing smile.

“I have to get back out there,” she announces, finally pulling back to stand at her full height. “Lincoln thinks he’s being clever by setting a timer for my return.”

Clarke stands with a laugh. “I’ll come with you. I need a break from these orders anyway.” She holds her fake coffee with one hand and finds Lexa’s fingers with the other. She kisses Lexa’s shoulder cap and regards her fondly. “I’m never getting this shirt back, am I?”

“Especially not now that we’ve broken up.”

The genuine hurt that immediately darkens Clarke’s eyes coupled with her protruding lower lip stops Lexa from moving towards the office doorway.

She stills her movements entirely as Clarke says, “I don’t want to joke about breaking up anymore.”

“It was your joke to begin with,” Lexa softly reminds her, nevertheless smoothing the pad of her thumb over Clarke’s lower lip.

“I know,” Clarke says, frowning still. “It was a stupid joke, and I don’t like to think about it.”

A soft press of her lips to Clarke’s forehead has her leaning into the touch, releasing Lexa’s fingers to curl an arm around Lexa’s waist.

“If you think you would be able to get rid of me that easily, Clarke, we might need to revisit some previous conversations about my intentions in being with you.”

“I seem to recall some very persuasive measures that we engaged in alongside those conversations,” Clarke says, her smile pressing into Lexa’s neck where she has tucked her head beneath Lexa’s chin.

Lexa hums through a smile of her own. If she didn’t know Clarke so well, it would be easy to mistake her perpetual, single-minded focus on sex as a complete lack of sentimentality.

But, Lexa isn’t fooled.

Clarke thrives on crass innuendo and well-meaning objectification (both of herself and Lexa), but she can also be openly sensitive and affectionate. Vulnerable in her need to be near Lexa—to feel safe and connected—as often as possible.

Lexa can’t say for sure if they will always be so desperate for each other’s company, if small fractions of time spent apart will continue to breed an urgency for reuniting. She has been in enough relationships to know that attachments usually fade and the needs of each person most often change over time.

Still, something tells her that when it comes to this relationship, Clarke will break the mold of every truth Lexa has previously known.

“The point is: I’m not going anywhere,” Lexa tells her, and Clarke looks up at her with a renewed smile. “Although, you’re still not getting this shirt back.”

Clarke kisses the underside of her jaw and tightens the hold she has around her waist. “You can keep all of my shirts as long as I get to keep you.”

“Deal,” Lexa answers, finally leading them out of the office.

Lincoln will roast her for having taken an exorbitant amount of time to deliver Clarke’s coffee, but having Clarke hugged against her side, Lexa finds she doesn’t exactly care.

:::

In an hour’s time Lexa has been fed no less than six times—small plates of food from the kitchen’s rotating menu like an assembly line in front of her and Lincoln—and an empty beer glass is no sooner bussed than another full one appears. As it turns out, dating a bar manager and sustaining a lifelong friendship with her business partner’s fiancé is a pretty good gig for libations and keeping well fed. By 8:00, she’s not necessarily sober, but the continuous parade of appetizers that Octavia and Clarke slide in front of Lexa and Lincoln keep her from tipping over the edge into properly drunk.

“This one is my favorite.”

“You’ve said that about the last three.”

Lincoln crunches into his charred nopales and street corn tostada as if to be sure. “Nope. This is the one.”

Lexa smiles around a second bite of her Korean short ribs and savors the balanced marinade—a perfect blend of smoky sweetness and tangy spice.

She is washing it down with a saison from Rhode Island as Octavia swings out of the kitchen and approaches their end of the bar.

“How good is that corn?”

“The whole thing is amazing,” Lincoln tells her.

Octavia swipes an avocado off his plate without hesitation. “What about the Kalbi?”

It sounds conversational, the way that Octavia, as a friend, is asking Lexa about her meal. But, in spending the past year of her life in proximal relation to her, Lexa has determined that, in some capacity, Octavia is actually always working.

“These are easily some of the best short ribs I’ve ever had.”

“Yeah,” Octavia grins. “I’m obsessed with them. Jane has been on staff for less than two months, and she’s already killing it back there.”

“Be sure to extend my compliments to the chef. Beer is incredible, too,” Lexa adds.

“What did Clarke bring you this time? The Foolproof?”

“Their farmhouse, yeah.” Lexa’s attention is drawn to the kitchen doorway again as Clarke exits carrying plates of food. She doesn’t glance in their direction as she drops the plates farther down the bar, but her smile is warm and bright, and Lexa can’t look away.

There’s a generous crowd strung along the bar counter, plus a few of the nearby tables that keep rotating with guests who stay for a drink or two before heading off into the night. Clarke is engaging with the three men who have just received their plates of food, and Lexa’s ears attune to the friendly pitch of her voice while Octavia and Lincoln momentarily hold their own conversation.

Lexa sips her saison and enjoys the way Clarke handles herself in conversation—confident, approachable, friendly, but with a distant professionalism. It’s not until she registers the distinct tone of patriarchal arrogance coming from a few of Clarke’s guests that Lexa realizes Octavia and Lincoln have also clued into the nearby exchange.

From what Lexa can gather, over the din of other surrounding patrons, the men are attempting to challenge the accuracy of Clarke’s knowledge on one of Dockside’s pours. Clearly first-time patrons, to these men, Clarke is easily mistaken as the beautiful bartender in a nice dress with a friendly demeanor who pours their pints and delivers their food. They would never suspect that she is also the unassuming curator of every beer offered within the establishment and a well-read expert in the field of craft brewing.

If she didn’t find misogynistic biases against women in male-dominated fields to be nauseatingly unforgivable, Lexa would almost feel bad for what these guys have coming to them.

“This should be good,” Lincoln mutters with a deviant smile, and Lexa flicks her gaze to find Octavia looking half-amused, half-poised for lethal intervention.

In short, Clarke absolutely eviscerates the men’s inflated egos by seamlessly rattling off a short history on the brewery in question, explaining their evolution of kettle sours and dry-hopped IPAs with thrilling precision, all while maintaining her hospitable smile. The cohort of sexist men are left silenced and stunned as Clarke moves on to tend to the rest of the bar, leaving their gaping jaws in her wake.

“What a bunch of fucking morons,” Octavia grumbles with an eye roll just before another table of guests catches her attention and she is pulled away.

“I love it when she does that,” Lexa says, smiling in Lincoln’s direction.

“It is really gratifying to watch someone’s fragile masculinity skillfully shattered,” he agrees with a satisfied smile. “I’ll never understand it, that intrinsic need to be an expert on everything, but it’s entertaining as hell to see O and Clarke flex on these random assholes who waltz in here and mistakenly try to out-beer them.”

Lexa's smile widens as she and Lincoln clink their beer glasses together. “It really is.”

:::

“One strand of lights.”

“No.”

“A single banner. A classy one.”

“No.”

“Candles. Come on, O, no one can say no to candles.”

“Watch me.” Octavia, who up until this point had been withholding eye contact, gives Clarke a pointed glare. “No.”

Lexa smiles at Clarke’s frustrated groan while sipping her glass of water. Three-and-a-half pints of beer and countless plates of food have left her feeling fully satisfied if not also ready for bed. Clarke won’t close the bar for another few hours, and though Lexa acknowledges this is the reality of their chosen professions, she also wishes to steal Clarke away and take her home for a cuddle.  

“Think about Lincoln,” Clarke continues, beating her dead wedding horse, much to Octavia’s dismay. “You’re depriving him of this fanfare, this pizazz, this well-deserved—”

“Don’t drag him into this,” Octavia interjects.

Clarke’s jaw drops. “He’s literally one half of the reason we’re celebrating! And honestly, with how difficult you’re being about this whole thing, it might be more like 70/30.”

Octavia rolls her eyes and starts to walk away, busying herself with clearing empty glasses from a table whose guests have just vacated. “When you two leave, will you take her with you?”

Her voice carries across the now mostly empty bar, and Clarke scowls at Octavia from where Lexa and Lincoln sit at the far end of the counter. They often lay claim to this section of the bar during their Wednesday night visits, and it always feels like a sacred, little huddle.

“That’s a tempting offer,” Lexa answers as Octavia breezes past them to deposit the empty glasses into her bus tub behind the bar.

Her comment successfully erases the look on Clarke’s face as their eyes meet, and she watches Clarke’s frown melt into a dopey smile.

“I’m not leaving you to close by yourself. Stop being so dramatic,” Clarke admonishes, though she is still smiling as her eyes leave Lexa to look over her shoulder at Octavia.

“I’m not by myself,” Octavia grunts, hoisting her black bin of glassware and dirty plates off a low shelf. “Jane and Murph are in the back. Take the orders home and finish them there. You know the last two hours of the night are the slowest midweek. I’ll be fine.”

“Stop trying to get rid of me just because you’re throwing a fit about candles,” Clarke shouts after her even though Octavia has already pushed through into the kitchen.

Their small end of the bar counter temporarily swells with music blaring from the line cooks and back-of-house staff, a stark contrast to the lo-fi hip hop Clarke has playing on a lower volume in the main room.

“I should get home either way,” Lexa admits with a short stretch of her arms, pulling taut the muscles of her back. “You fed me too well, and now I’m sleepy.”

“You’re a grandma every night of the week—in bed before ten or cranky as hell the next day.”

Lexa furrows her brow at Clarke’s unnecessarily accurate depiction of her sleep routines, but Lincoln laughs openly while nudging her shoulder.

“This one’s never been able to burn the midnight oil. Needs that beauty rest to maintain her cheerful disposition.”

“I’m officially breaking up with both of you.”

“Hey.”

Clarke’s pout is back, the color of her eyes saturated in renewed hurt at Lexa’s bad joke. Three-and-a-half beers have also made her forgetful, apparently.

“Sorry, sorry.” She reaches for Clarke’s wrists across the glossed wood of the bar and is gently rubbing her thumbs across Clarke’s pulse points when Octavia reemerges. “Just Lincoln then.”

Lincoln offers a good-natured shrug. “That’s fair.”

“See?” Octavia eyes the affectionate gesture between Clarke and Lexa with a practiced look of exasperation. “You could be doing this loved up shit in the privacy of your own home.”

“Says the one who is about to profess her undying love and commitment publicly in front of all our closest friends,” Clarke argues.

“I feel like if you keep reminding her, she’s more likely to back out,” Lincoln muses, and Lexa wonders if he is only half kidding.

Octavia pins him with a look. “Never.”

It’s a charged moment just for them, despite the fact that Clarke and Lexa are caught in its crosshairs, Lincoln grinning as he catches Octavia’s crooked smirk.

“I really should go,” Lexa reiterates quietly, not wanting to interrupt. Her day will start early the following morning with a delivery just south of Boston, and traffic will be nauseating through Sumner Tunnel. “Are you sure you don’t—”

“Seriously, get her out of here,” Octavia interjects. “She overworks and stays late out of guilt and loyalty, and it’s entirely unnecessary.”

“Keep insisting, and I’m gonna say yes,” Clarke shoots back, almost threatening if not for her smile.

“Good. Then you can stop badgering me about fucking tea lights.” Octavia flicks the side of Clarke’s head and smacks her ass as she passes by to clear more tables, and somehow Clarke is charmed by the violent affection.

“I’ll stay and keep her company,” Lincoln offers. “You guys should take off. Enjoy the early night.” He then leans in closely to them both, his head bent in conspiracy. “And, I really do like those paper lanterns that you guys string up on the deck sometimes.”

The way Clarke’s entire countenance glows, eyes sparkling in victorious mischief, has Lexa’s smile growing in kind.

“I. Love you. You wonderful, wonderful human.” Clarke places her hands affectionately on either side of Lincoln’s face and looks as if she might actually plant a kiss between his eyebrows. “I will not let you down or betray your confidence.” Her tone is gravely solemn as if they are alluding to something far more serious than wedding decor.

“Give me a second to gather my things from the office?” she then says to Lexa, her voice shifting to that delicate timbre that turns Lexa’s beating heart to a useless puddle.

She tells her, “Take all the time you need.”

“I’ll be quick.” Clarke reaches for her fingers, giving them a quick squeeze, and disappears into the back hallway.

“Did I mention we did very well, ending up with these two?”

Lexa looks over to catch Lincoln’s giant grin and feels her own lips stretching into a smile. “I’m proud of us.”

Lincoln very nearly giggles. “Me too.”

A beat or two of amicable silence passes between them, in which time Octavia has returned behind the bar to tend to her few, straggling guests.

“What are the chances Clarke already has a shitload of decorations she’s been stockpiling for this party?” Lincoln contemplates aloud.

Lexa’s response comes without hesitation.

“Oh yeah, without question.”

:::

[topherfoxtrot]

Nosy neighborhood

(or a reflection on the bittersweet nature of nostalgia)

What about a one shot about a tv show I never watched? It sounds fun doesn't it? Well it contains spoilers for the third Webisode of the walking dead called "The Oath" released in 2013. It can be easily found on Vimeo. Trigger warnings include grief and pessimism. Also I wrote this one on first person because I just think first person writing is neat😄

Everyone was gathered in the building that used to be a church. Except from the obvious architecture though you couldn't even tell. Even the beautiful stained glass was mostly gone. And there was no giant wooden cross in sight. Only tables full of food, drinks, and of course the band composed of four singing voices, an acoustic guitar, two saxophones, half a set of drums, a fucking button accordion, a xylophone and a def. Basically every instrument the scavengers could find over the years. Since the world has ended our neighborhood united to form a urban fortress.

I was in a corner with some friends not really interested in the conversation. My eyes scanned the whole place looking for the handsome, tall man with his long blonde straight hair. When I finally spotted Paul grabbing some food I whispered without actually intending to.

"There you are!"

"What?" One of my friends followed my eyes, "Oh my god are you really going after the man?"

"Dude is just introvert!" Another friend rolled his eyes, "That's why he is always in his basement."

"That is simply not true!" I said, "Y'all know how much I hate people, alive or otherwise, and yet I'm always here for our sunday gatherings."

"You know what?" my friend finished her beer before continuing, "Fucking go after him. If it turns out he's just lonely you will get my cleaning shifts for the whole month. And if you find a big secret of his or whatever I'll get yours. How about that?"

"It sounds like a deal!" Me and my friend shook hands with smiles on our faces.

"I can't believe you're going to bother the poor man just because he likes to eat by himself." My other friend shook his head in disapproval before smiling too, "But anyways if you find anything please spill the beans to us!"

"Gotcha!" I winked at them before making my move.

Paul put a lot of food inside an old Tupperware and walked towards the door like he usually did. I moved between the people trying to avoid being seen by him. Paul briefly talked to one or two people before leaving. I left the church a little after, making sure to give him time to step further from the door.

Most of the people were at the church so the streets were empty. I sneaked around corners and alleys and cars like I did so many times outside the walls. I still remember before the outbreak when not everyone needed to be a soldier in order to survive. It's been almost seven years but I still caught myself getting nostalgic sometimes.

I followed Paul for a few blocks. Housing was an issue in our community. Over the years more people started to come and babies started to be born once we reached a certain stability. Paul was one of those people who duo to his efforts towards the community gained the privilege to live on his own instead of in one of the communal houses like I did. He was one of the scavenging teachers after all. And my favorite one, I might add.

Besides being handsome he was also super quiet about anything that didn't concerned the classes. And to become a survivor as good as him you gotta have a past. We asked about it before but he always avoided the topic. This made me even more curious. I've always felt like he was hiding something and tonight I would finally figure out what!

It took a couple minutes for him to reach the big house with two floors and a front yard. Instead of entering the front door though he bypassed the house to enter through the basement door in the back. Paul lives in a basement just like a character from a book I read before the outbreak. Something about a woman watching her neighbours or something. I don't remember the details but I do remember one of the characters lived in a basement like Paul does.

I leaned on the wall and listened carefully as Paul opened the metal doors. After listening to his steps gradually fading as he went downstairs I sneaked into the entrance feeling glad he didn't lock it. I waited there for a while until I was confident Paul was distracted enough not to realize the sounds the doors would make. I opened just one door super slowly and checked every few seconds to see if there was any abrupt movements inside. When I closed the door behind me everything was in darkness expect for the light coming from one of the rooms. My hand instinctively reached for my gun but it wasn't there. I didn't carry my gun inside the walls.

I cursed myself in silence and started to walk downstairs. I wish I could see all the furniture Paul had but I couldn't announce my presence so my only option was to follow the light, which I did swiftly. I could hear a voice but it took me a while to make any sense of it.

"I know you would love those parties they make every Sunday." Paul's voice came from the only room with light, "We even had those back in the day, you remember?" He let out a deep sigh, "I still miss those days. We didn't have much like we do here, but we were happy, weren't we? I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything but I miss that, you know? I miss you, Karina."

There was not a sound to be heard expect for Paul's voice. The easiest explanation was that Paul was probably talking to a portrait ou painting like so many of us do. Death is such a common experience among the survivors. With this conclusion I could leave the house, but I wouldn't be satisfied. I wanted to know more about this Karina woman he was talking to. And about those old days.

I reached the entrance of the room but didn't dare to look inside. Instead I stayed there in silence, all my muscles stiffed. Quietly listening to Paul eating his dinner.

"Dominic talked to me again. You know, about the shifts and all that." Paul chuckled, "I'm not sure if we are just talking or flirting at this point. I know you are as terrible at this as I am but a little help would be good."

Paul chuckled again and a moan was heard. I felt my spine freeze as I obviously recognized the sound. A guttural and tired moan only a walker could make. I finally peeked into the room. There was no bed or beside table or any fortnite whatsoever. Paul was sat on a wooden chair eating his dinner with a fork. The most shocking thing though was the walker. The undead had it's arms tied tightly in a straightjacket. Saliva was falling from her mouth in the most grotesque waterfall I've ever seen. Paying special attention I realized her mouth was toothless. There was almost nothing left of hair in her head and the skin was this unnatural tone of grey. That walker was old. A thick chain kept it near the wall.

"What the fuck?" I whispered in terror.

Faster than I could even register Paul got up and pointed his revolver at me. I put my hands up and froze still.

"It's me! It's me! Please don't shoot."

It didn't seem like Paul would shoot me but he didn't put the gun down either. Instead he looked deep into my eyes. I tried to read him but as usual it was impossible to know what he was thinking.

"What are you doing here?" He asked finally with a deep voice.

"I... I was just-" the truth is that there was nothing to be said. I was there because I wanted to know what was up with him. And now I did.

"You shouldn't be here." He said firmly.

"I k-know!" I stuttered, "But you know what I'm already leaving, actually!"

"No!"

I stayed still. Paul took a deep sigh and finally put his gun down. The silence was only broken by the walker's unnerving sounds. Paul walked across the living room and brought a chair with him. Without saying anything he invited me to the room with the walker. I sat with them. Looking at it made me so uncomfortable all I wanted was to runway from there as fast as I could. Still, I stayed.

"This is Karina." Paul started, "We met in a settlement right after the outbreak."

"She died." I said, "And you couldn't let go of her."

"It's a little more complex than that."

I tried to look into Paul's eyes, but he was facing the ground. Once he was ready, Paul looked up at me.

"We made and oath. We wouldn't abandon each other no matter what. And when would fight for each other. One lives, all live."

Paul lifted hir shirt a little to show a huge scar on his belly. It looked well healed, "Our camp got raided by walkers. Me and Karina were the only survivors. I got this scar as a souvenir. But it looked bad, and I went unconscious for a couple hours."

At this point I kind of realized where this was going. I read Romeo and Juliet back at school. I hate tragedies. Paul lowered his shirt and shifted on his chair a little.

"Karina couldn't face the world on her own. She wanted to end all this pain and suffering."

"Oh no..." I covered my mouth slightly.

Paul tilted his head, "She killed herself. Once I got there it was already too late."

He stayed in silence for a while and I realized there were actual tears dropping from his eyes.

"But we made an oath!" He cried out. "We vowed never to leave each other and that's what I did!" He said even louder. The tears cleaning his face. "That's what I did-!!"

He choked on his own tears and couldn't say anything else. Paul just buried his face on his hands and cried while the walker (or should I say Karina?) moaned quietly in it's never ending hunger.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, no knowing what to say.

Paul got up still facing the ground. I quickly got up too and hugged him. He was taller than me so he had to bend a little to hug me back. That made his weight fall upon me. I had to stiff my legs in order not to simply fall down. But I carried him. He kept crying louder and louder. The walker got agitated but it didn't left it's place due to the restrains. I closed my eyes shut wishing with all of me for this to be over. Not Paul or the walker. Just everything else.

Pain and suffering left a scar on everyone. And I couldn't help but think, clouded by my own nostalgia, how much better things were before.