#'yes if it has to be anything like rhy's i will literally knife you here and now instead'

[tanoraqui]

what I really want for Lila post-ACoL is that she becomes a player on the international stage fully in her own right. Not politically, perhaps, but certainly in international waters. Sure, she’s...in a relationship with the brother of the King of Arnes that neither of them will try to define for years, to themselves much less anyone else. And she probably has a proper Arnesian privateer’s license, too. 

But she’s more of a pirate than Alucard ever was, whatever colors she flies (usually her own.) She sails every sea in the world, with an eye for the worst pirates as targets but not always picky, if a merchant or even navy ship looks interesting. It’s good to keep them humble, at least. At any given time, she is a hero of two empires and wanted dead or alive in a third, and it changes regularly. (The year or so that she is formally wanted for treason in Arnes, Kell stays in London and even Rhy cannot make him smile.)

There are places, mostly not on maps found on land, where the name “Bard” will get you a lot farther than “Maresh”, particular if you want to reach your destination without a knife in your gut. Lila Bard can summon or dismiss a hurricane at sea, they say. Lila Bard has fought a sea serpent (Lila Bard is a sea serpent, turned human, they say. Lila Bard is a story to scare new deckhands. Lila Bard is the Sarows.) Lila Bard drinks tea with Captain Maris of the Ferase Stras, carries knives under her gown at every royal ball she attends, and gathered a fleet of pirates to break the 1937 Siege of London. 

Antari Captain Delilah motherfucking Bard of the Night’s Spire.

[vidalinav]

Snippet (Again)

I want this fic to be done already!!!!!!

~

She sits at the head of the table, a knife in her hands that cuts through the steak as easy as butter. The tender meat leaks out blood. Cassian always jokes that she might as well be eating it raw, remarking that perhaps she has developed a blood drinking habit. Nesta tells him that if she wants it tough, she would sooner eat rocks. Cassian, as different as he is from her, likes his steak like cement. Gods forbid, it even have a little pink.

She cuts it into tiny pieces. Another thing that Cassian notes. He cuts and eats a piece, cuts and eats a piece. Nesta cuts the entire thing before she takes even one bite. It’s strange how much she remembers when he’s gone.

Nesta looks around the table, but her sister opts for a stew instead and the House obliges. Nyx has a bowl of smashed peas. A green so putrid she almost feels sorry for the babe, but as Rhys spoons the food into his mouth, Nyx eats without a fuss.

“Are your dinners always like this?” Mor remarks, taking in the grand centerpieces and the candles that float in clear water. The linens that are pressed into crisp triangles. The napkins in the shape of swans.

“Like what?”

Mor looks to Azriel and Nesta catches the look as she grimaces to her friend. Nesta has the sudden urge to spill her water onto the glowing female’s lap, the glass knocked over by accident, she’d say…

But she’d never be so petty.

“It’s just… so formal.”

“The House likes to entertain,” Nesta answers, taking a sip from her glass and once more she wishes it’s wine. Wishes for wine or… Cassian. But neither are here.

“And yet you never invite anyone over,” voices Amren, who picks at her lamb as if it might bleat back at her.

~

Yes, there’s a dinner party in this fic. Also Cassian is away in Illyria btw. Not dead or anything. 

@arinbelle (literally the only person I tag in snippets, please do not ask). 

[rhysismydaddy]

Inmate Intimacy pt.1 (Nessian)

“Nesta. New patient.”

She rolled her eyes dramatically, but nodded at her assistant. “You mean ‘inmate in need of healthcare,’ but okay. Send him in.”

The heard the usual shuffle of chains a moment later, and then a heavy body settled down on the exam bed.

“Suddenly, I’m not so upset about getting locked up. I had no idea I’d have such a good view,” inmate #9356 said in a cocky voice that somehow rolled over her like honey. Nesta rolled her eyes again. After two years working in the Pyrantian Correctional Facility--an all male prison--she was beyond used to getting hit on.

She was entirely unprepared, however, for what she saw when she turned around. 

A very large, very handsome man sat on the bed, golden eyes boring into hers.  He had long, curly hair pulled back in a bun and a delicious amount of stubble on his square jaw. Two complete sleeves of tattoos covered his arms, and she could see they ran across his chest and shoulders through the thin cotton of his shirt.

He was without a doubt the most handsome man she’d ever seen. 

He’s a criminal.

“I’m sure your high opinion will change after a few weeks. Your chart says you’re in for Type 1 Diabetes?”

“Yep. So just go ahead and give me that insulin pack and I’ll be out of your hair.” He held out his hand, and her breath hitched a little at the bicep the gesture exposed. Her eyes also noticed the tattoos extended all the way to his fingertips, which would be strange on anyone else but somehow managed to look sexy on him.

How annoying. 

“Yes. Smart plan. I’ll give insulin, something people could sell on the black market here, to a convict. And a needle, so he could stab other inmates.” She barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes yet again. “You’ll come in once a day for your shot.”

“Then I guess you’ll be seeing a lot of me.” He didn’t sound upset about it in the slighest.

Nesta narrowed her eyes, motioning for him to hold out his arm. She grabbed the shot and wrote down the dose.

He extended his arm. “If you ever want to see any more of me, just let me know, baby.”

She jabbed the needle into his arm a little aggressively as he watched her with amusement. 

“You didn’t even flinch.” She’d have to stab him harder next time. 

His smirk grew into a grin. “In case you didn’t notice, I have a few tattoos. I’m not exactly afraid of needles.”

“Yes, Cassian. I’m quite aware.” She put a cotton swab on his arm.

Said grin grew into a very wide, very happy smile that showcased almost all of his perfect teeth. “Oh, you know my name? Been reading up on me, baby?”

Nesta leveled a glance at him. “It’s in your chart, and I happen to possess the ability to read.”

“Wow, a smartass with a great ass.” The inmate didn’t stop smiling. “I love that in a woman.”

Reminding herself that she was a medical professional was the only reason she was able to fight the urge to stab the needle through his eye. Once she’d repeated her Hippocratic Oath about ten times, the blood finally stopped rushing through her head.

It was about time to put him in his place. 

She leaned close to him, firmly ignoring how he smelled like fucking heaven, and smiled. In a soft, completely inappropriate voice, she said, “You’re funny.”

Still stuck on the topic of her behind, he told her seriously, “Wasn’t joking. I can tell even through she scrubs.”

“Oh, no. I know I have a great ass. I meant about you thinking you have a chance. Really? Flirting while you’re incarcerated?” She pushed away and flipped through his folder. “And for assaulting an officer no less.”

He opened his mouth, probably to tell her it was all a misunderstanding or something, but she just shook her head. She’d heard it way too many times. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Cassian.”

A guard came in to escort him out, and she had to smile. Men in here really thought it was alluring that they were locked up. 

They should know she was a little old to date a man with a bedtime. 

~Cassian~

Cassian was walking in the yard an hour after meeting the Nurse, thinking of the little smile on her face as she’d insulted him.

Damn. If he wasn’t locked up and eating gruel for the next two years, he’d be all over that. Literally. 

He grinned to himself, not paying attention where he was walking, and slammed his shoulder into someone.

“Watch it,” she stranger snapped. An ugly, vertically challenged man stood before him, looking like a pissed off bull with a stick up his ass. 

“Maybe I didn’t see you because you’re so short.” A low blow, but he wasn’t about to be someone’s bitch on his first day. “Watch where you’re going, prick.”

Bull-man squared his shoulders and narrowed his eyes up at Cassian, two of his goon friends coming to stand behind him.

“Apologize,” the bigger one said, obviously the enforcer.

A crowd started to circle around them. Cassian gritted his teeth. If he did what the asshole wanted, it’d set a dangerous precedent for him.

“Fuck no,” he growled, squaring his shoulders and staring them down. He had height and weight on all of them, but the odds still weren’t favorable. Unless he surprised them.

With that in mind, Cassian didn’t regret it one bit as he swung his fist towards bull-man’s face, hitting him right across the temple and knocking him out cold.

His goons didn’t hesitate, but Cassian was faster. He kicked the big guy’s knee out before tackling the other idiot and starting to pummel him.

After landing a few hits, the other goon pulled him off. He got a lucky shot through Cassian’s guard, but a well-placed blow had him on his back.

The crowd that had gathered backed away from Cassian slowly, a few mutters going through the ranks.

That ought to keep people off my back.

~Nesta~

Nesta shook her head as her new patient walked in the next day, muttering, “I should’ve known you had something to do with the three guys that came in yesterday. One of them has a broken knee, you know.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, gorgeous,” he said, although the smirk on his face said something completely different.

Nesta bit her tongue and motioned for him to hold out his arm.

“I figured you’d be use to violence after working in this joint.”

She leveled a look at him. “Oh, yeah. Violent criminals just do it for me.”

“Listen. The police officer thing is just a misunderstanding. I’m not a bad guy.” He pouted and gave her sad eyes.

“Mmhm, of course. Tilt your head back and let me look at your eye.” It seemed one of the three men had tagged him pretty good. 

He rolled his eyes. “It’s fine. You probably hit harder than that asshole.”

She gave him a sweet smile. “Tilt your head back and you won’t find out.”

“And you say I’m violent,” he muttered, tilting his head back like a good little puppy. 

She stepped closer and placed a gloved finger on his bruised eye socket. He looked up at her with those dammed golden eyes, somehow forcing her to meet his stare. She couldn’t help it. Who the hell has golden eyes?

He leaned closer, lips parting softly.

“You know, it’d probably feel better if you kissed it.”

She flicked the bruise, and he hissed.

“You were right,” she said sweetly. “You’re completely fine.”

“Fuck, you’re hot,” he laughed.

At that, Nesta let out a chuckle. “I’m also one of only two woman on base.”

“Well, I’m sure all three of us could have a very good time,” he murmured, sliding off the exam bed to stand in front of her.

“You’re a confident man.”

“Do I have a reason not to be?” 

Cassian ran his eyes over her, and for the first time in her adult life, she didn’t want him to stop. 

What was going on? Had he gotten closer? Why couldn’t she breathe?

Remembering his question, she reached toward him slowly, and he grinned. Until she jangled the chain holding his wrists together.

“It appears you do.”

“And what if I weren’t in here?” He waved his hand around at their surroundings.

“Then I might let you buy me a drink. Or maybe hire you as a bodyguard.”

He laughed. “Baby girl, I’d never let anything happen to you. You wouldn’t even have to pay me.”

That made her grossly happy, so she just winked and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, inmate.”

~Cassian~

Two weeks later, he still hadn’t made any ground with the nurse. Except in his dreams, which woke him up every freaking night. Hell, he didn’t even know her name.

Every day, he joked and flirted and found new ways to make her blush. But yet, she still laughed him off when he talked about taking her out.

He knew he wouldn’t be locked up for long. His best friend and personal lawyer, Rhysand, was working on getting him out. But Tamlin, the asshole cop Cassian had punched, was doing his best to stop it from happening.

He’d hated them for years, ever since Rhys had “taken” his girlfriend from him.

He’d told him he’d be in for a max of two months before he him got out, but Cassian was getting annoyed.

All he wanted to do was take that nurse out on a date she wouldn’t forget and show her a good time. In more ways than one.

Celibacy was about a thousand times more difficult when you had a woman like that in front of you, looking up at you with bright blue eyes, smiling with those perfect lips he’d love to see wrapped around his-

He was knocked out of his thoughts by shouting in the main cell block. He recognized the sounds as a riot, something that happened a little too frequently here. He’d already gotten used to the noise.

He was settling onto his bed, preparing to go back to his daily daydream when he heard something that was not at all familiar. Cassian’s feet were on the floor before he could even form a thought.

He sprinted towards the sound of feminine yelling, shoving people aside as he ran through the block.

When he caught a glimpse of her golden hair, he raced over and started throwing punches without a thought.

He heard her yelling at him, but all he could see was her thin frame pressed against the wall, holding a syringe like a knife.

And the four assholes that had surrounded her.

One by one, they hit the floor, and then he finally let himself look up at the nurse.

~Nesta~

Nesta felt herself coming a little bit unraveled as she watched Cassian pound another inmates face in.

When he decided to stop using his human punching bag, he drug the limp men out of the cell, pulled the bars closed, and turned to her.

“I told you I’d protect you.” He was panting, but he still smiled. “Are you okay?”

The wild look in his eyes, bloody knuckles, and mused hair was making it hard for her to concentrate. 

She stared at him, well aware her mouth was hanging open. 

“Baby? You okay?” He strode towards her, powerful body eating up the ground. He was completely focused on her, ignoring the raging riot less than twenty feet away. 

Nesta ignored it too as she gave into the adrenaline, threw herself at Cassian, and slammed her lips into his like she’d been dying to do for two weeks.

If he was surprised, he hid it well. His lips were smiling against hers, but when she slid her hands in his hair and pulled, the smile fell away and he actually started kissing her back. 

Kissing her? No. More like devouring her.

His mouth was insistent and soft and firm and yet gentle and-

Strong arms wrapped around her, then she was being backed her up against the wall. 

Nesta ignored the fact that it was cinder block. 

His tongue swept into her mouth as her legs found their way around his waist, and she moaned softly as his body aligned with hers. 

It had only been a few moments of this, but she was on fire, practically squirming with need.

Cassian’s hands drifted up the back of her shirt, callouses scraping her skin, and he pressed his hips into hers in a way that made her back arch, chest tight against his. 

He ripped his lips away from hers long enough to mutter, “Holy fuck,” then kissed his way down her throat. 

“Cassian,” she breathed, voice sounding raspy to her own ears, “I need-”

“I know, baby,” he interrupted, a hand moving down her pants to palm her ass. 

He was halfway done working them down when an alarm sounded, loud and insistent, interrupting them and bringing Nesta back to reality. 

And what a harsh reality it was.

Oh my God. Oh, no no no no.

Her feet found the ground as the bars next to them slid open again. Cassian’s arms were still around her, hands pressed into the wall above her head.  

“I’m so sorry,” she said, refusing to meet his stare as she straightened her scrubs. 

He brushed her hair off her forehead and shook his head. “For what?”

“That was completely unprofessional, and stupid, and a terrible mistake, and... bye. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She didn’t give him enough time to respond before she ducked under his arm and ran--yes, ran--away from the cell block back to her office. 

What the hell had she done?

______________________________________________________________

Part 2 | Part 3

@sjm-things @cursebreaker29 @justgiu12 @maastrash @a-bit-of-a-cactus @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @savemesoon8 @hizqueen4life

[fktonofwhatnow]

who wants a list of my a court of frost and starlight thoughts without context cuz youre gonna get it anyways

It's been 3 paragraphs and Feyre's talked about how much money she has at least 4 times 

"What kind of things do you paint?" “The things that need telling." what do u mean wait come back explain this to me what needs telling which story is this

Also apparently Rhys has tried to fix the slum situation but he can't because 

 It's tricky to move people out of their houses to fix them 

Aren't you like, so rich, can't you just build more houses like, in a different area and move all the poor people over there and then turn the used-to-be slums into another housing development to house more people  

"Mor shrugged, her heavy brown coat bringing out the rich soil of her eyes." Her what 

Mor: I don't know what to get Az

Feyre: Get him more knives! Guys love weapons! 

morrigan, handing azriel a knife:

azriel: all the better to stab myself with

everyone else: AZRIEL NO

Why would you give this man more sharp things he's not okay don't give him sharp things 

Apparently this whole city smells like salt and lemon verbena -squints- i dont believe u

Acofas: In which Vivane forces her husband to make her high lady too because Feminism. Honestly, Viviane is already equal in rank to Kallias in all but title why she mad

“I can let go of the taunts and the fact that he still harbors some hope of one day reuniting with Tamlin. But I cannot let go of how he treated you after Under the Mountain"

You know what I can't let go of Rhys 

The way you treated her under the mountain 

seam of my backside 

Why is ERIS HERE 

N O HES PLAYIN YALL FOR DAMN FOOLS

I love how pointless all these visits to the hewn city are 

"Why are we here? WE DON'T KNOW ! :D"

"How's your court, Eris?" MOR WAS SO DISTRACTED BY HIM BEING HERE THAT SHE DIDN'T HEAR THE ANSWER. Thanks Maas I hate it please tell me how the autumn court is doing i wanna know

Feyre: yeah theres no border expansion for any one of the courts and that's final 

Eris: you'd better tell that to Tamlin, his territory borders the human lands 

Maas: yeT ANOTHER NAME MOR HAD TO ADD TO HER HIT LIST

Isn't tamlin waiting for someone to put him out of his fucking misery anyways lmao Mor get in line to kill tamlin Right Behind Tamlin

I love that I'm just Still so confused about all this human queen business. Why do the human lands need 7 queens 

(gifts love language rant time) Excuse me why us all this gift stuff seen as a bore? Does the IC not realize how special unanticipated gifts are? "Elain isn't expecting anything from us, so just don't get her anything" ???? WHY NOT ??? THATS THE PERFECT TIME TO GET HER SOMETHING

"Azriel has always understood me. It's definitely his powers." Maybe he just gets you, bro 

Tamlin didn't have any shields around the house, none to prevent anyone from winnowing in or to guard against enemies appearing in his bedroom and slitting his throat. It was almost as if he was waiting for someone to do it." 

Feyre: bro why you so angry 

Rhys: I went just so I could get mad at Tamlin 

Feyre: Oh, that's okay, the things you said to him weren't wrong 

Rhys: I should have been the bigger male 

Feyre: oh honey you're always the bigger male, you're entitled to be be petty every once in a while ahahah 

Rhysand I just... How do you go to Tamlin's place, look into his dead eyes and consider that maybe he doesn't keep wards because he wants someone to break in and kill him and not feel a single shred of sympathy, and then decide to tell him how much you wish he would just die is that really a good idea

Cassian just said the words "little" and "Rhysie" in the same breath and I would prefer death 

Wait why is Elain mad at Nesta now too 

"Rhysand drinked deeply from his wineglass." who edited this

Gentlemales. feyre corrected Elain from saying gentlemen. to gentlemales.

Wow Feyre’s mad that Elain and Lucien don’t actually care that much about each other. “I don’t like to see either of you unhappy” it’s gonna be okay Feyre don’t force them to see each other

Please don’t make fun of the boys doin their thing okay I wanna snowball fight why are you guys judging them

I would like to personally thank Feyre for giving Rhys a boner while he’s naked with his bros

Who’s the illyrain baby now

why is feyre complaining about money when theres literally mountains of presents here

Could y'all at least pretend that you're excited to see nesta

Feyre just gave Rhys a whole ass selfie and he’s pretending he’s happy about it

Lets keep pounding the “stories that need to be told” in art in the most anti-climactic way possible

Yes we know art’s important can we also talk about how like the Illyrians are trying to rebel and i JUST KNOW that eris is playing yall

Hi Cassian if you understand nesta then why are you mad at nesta 

CASSIAN STOP BEING CREEPY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

“You’ll want this one” mY ASS i swear if yOU GOT HER LINGERIE

Rhys’ mom made all these dresses, just for feyre ???? I don’t believe you

[azriel-is-my-cinnamon-roll]

Nesta knits a hideous Christmas sweater for Cassian, but he still loves it. Acotar December one-shot #4.

You can find my masterlist here.

Nesta was in trouble. It is hard to buy a present for a husband who has lived over 500 years and literally had everything. She couldn't go wrong with a knife but, everyone always gives Cassian knives. And they have a whole room for his weapons in their cabin. This won't do. Nesta decided to make something for him, herself.

His presents to her were always so beautiful and thoughtful. So, Nesta thought of making him a Winter Solstice sweater. Yes, she could do that. Besides his clothes were either black or something close to it, he needed change.

She started working that evening. She found a book in the library about knitting. She was awful at it, and it took her so many tries to get a start right. She worked on the sweater for four days. It was red, and the real challenge was to knit the green Solstice tree in the middle. When she finished, she looked at her creation.

It was hideous. What was she thinking? Giving a general of armies a red sweater with a tree in the middle. Cassian would hate it, and besides that, it wasn't even good looking. The tree was not even symmetrical. Nesta cursed under her breath. It was a good thing that Solstice was a week away; she still had time to think of something else. She was about to clean the mess she'd made when Cassian came home.

Shit. "Hi, love, what are you-" he paused. Nesta was standing in their living room awkwardly holding the sweater behind her. "Hi," She said a bit too loudly, "I didn't expect you this early today." Cassian smiled coming closer to her, she withdrew. "I finished early today, Nesta what is it?" Nesta smiled innocently "Nothing?" she flushed.

"Come on; what is that you're hiding behind that you wouldn't even kiss your, husband?" Cassian teased. Nesta still holding the sweater behind her, pecked his lips quickly.

"It's nothing." She took a long breath, "I was trying to make you a Solstice present, but it didn't turn out as it supposed to be. Don't worry I'm not giving that to you" Nesta looked down at her slippers.

"I don't care what you give me. I already have the best gift." Cassian said lifting her chin up. "Besides I'm sure its perfect if you made it. Can I see it, at least?" He pecked her cheek.

Nesta slowly showed it to him, once more looking down, feeling the heat filling her face. He took it from her hands, flipping it. She looked him in the face, and he was grinning, "I never got anything like this before." Nesta swallowed "It's awful I know," Nesta said.

Cassian shook his head and kissed her, "I love it." Nesta laughed "You don't have to lie to me Cassian it's fine." Cassian put a hand on his heard looking overdramatically betrayed "I would never lie to you, Nes." He took her hand in his. "I really love it. I never got anything like this from anyone before." He kissed her forehead, and she smiled, he beamed right back "Can I put it on?" Nesta laughed again. "If you want to."

Cassian emerged from the bathing room, hair in a bun, smiling like an idiot. Nesta held her laugh in. He looked ridiculous, altho she had to admit that red did fit him well. "Well, how do I look?" Cassian said turning around. "Like an overgrown baby bat," Nesta said and chuckled. Cassian drew her closer with one arm and whispered to her ear "Your overgrown baby bat," he corrected her. And she chuckled again. "Yes, yes you are."

"I'm not taking this off," Cassian said with a wink. "In that case, I hope to be there when you meet Azriel and Rhys this evening," Nesta replied, and Cassian paled a bit. "What? Already regretting what you have said?" Nesta teased.

Cassian just smirked. "You wish, sweetheart. I'm wearing it and letting everyone know who made this for me." This time it was Nesta who turned pale.

[deputyrhysiepieces]

Sinners and Junkies

A/N: Just a random story with my Deputy after she gets kidnapped by John. She’s heavily inspired by Negan, so warnings for language. Thanks for reading!

Rhys should've known it was too easy sneaking into John Seed’s infamous ranch. Now due to her recklessness she's trapped in said man's bunker, tied to chair that is now immovable. At least he learns.

She tenses as the door slams open, the man of the hour strutting in. By the look of it he's already in a bad mood, slamming the box of supposed torture tools with his jaw clenched.

When he turns his aggression is even more apparent by the way his hands grip the table behind him.

His eyebrows shoot up into his hairline when she fails to comment. There's no smug smile this time around.

“So.” He starts, clenching the word out around clenched teeth. “What'd you do with it?”

“Oh, you mean the cocaine I found in the baggie lodged in the back of your toilet? The one I’d bet my left tit on that Joseph doesn't know about? ” His eyes narrow. “Haven't seen it.”

To her credit she doesn't flinch when he slams his hands against the desk, pushing off of it to slowly walk towards her.

“Where is it, sinner?”

“I don't know, junkie.”

With that he grabbed her throat with a frustrated yell, squeezing until her eyes teared up.

“I'll force it out of you.”

She gasped for breath as he went back to his tools, noisily shuffling through them. The longer he stood there searching the more nervous she got, so naturally she started rambling.

“Well, this is goddamn embarrassing. To be entirely honest this is not how I imagined my evening turning out. I sort of expected you’d be there, thought maybe I’d find you balls deep in some woman… or man. I don’t know. Whatever you’re into, I’m not judging. Do you guys even fuck? You’d think with how much you like to play ‘my dick is bigger than yours’ you’d actually put it to use.”

He pulled out a small knife from the selection.

“That's a good size. I like that one.”

He didn't spare her a glance before placing the small knife down and grabbing a bigger one.

“Yeah, I-um, I don't like that one as much.”

She breathes a sigh of relief when he sets the big one down before once again picking up the smaller one.

“Do you know what this is called?”

“A knife?” She relishes in his obvious display of annoyance as his eyes flutter closed, a frustrated sigh escaping him.

“This is called an oyster shucker “

His lips twitch up for the first time when he watches her eyes flick to the knife.

“Once you start to shuck an oyster you always want to keep the hinge end pointed towards you, straight up, so you don’t lose those wonderful juices inside.” He smiled when her face scrunched up. Funny for someone as crude as her.

“So then you take your oyster knife-”

“I said it was a knife.”

“Shut. Up. You work the blade into the hinge, rocking the blade side to side until it pops! Then you slide your knife along the inside surface of the top shell until you find the muscle where it is attached to the top shell, and sever it. You do the same thing to the bottom, letting that small knife tear and scrape little pieces of muscle inside, carving them out until it’s sitting free in the shell.” He takes a long look at her crotch, a sickly sweet smile spreading across his face.

“I've… I've never tried oysters” Her voice is small, something that happens when she's nervous. And since she's pretty sure he's insinuating oyster shucking her vagina, she figures she has every right to be.

“Oh no? You've never tried oysters?” His voice matches hers in tone, surely mocking her.

“Nope.” She sucks her lip in before she can say anything else. His hands are on his knees as he bends down to get on eye level with her, but she refuses to look at him.

The door bangs open and a nervous looking peggie addresses John, holding out a high tech walkie talkie towards him.

“Sir? The Father is asking for you.” Rhys thanks whatever deity is looking out for her as John's eyes flash with fear.

“I'll be right there.” He goes to turn before stopping as if he forgot something. “Oh, hold this for me please.”

“But my hands are- fuck!” He slams the blade directly through the palm of her hand.

“Thanks.”

“Fuck, fuck! Fuck- fuck you, you fucking fuck!” She whimpers as the door slams closed.

“Ugh ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.”  She had to get out of there. She gave a hysterical little laugh when she realized he literally put a weapon in the palm of her hand.  She leaned down and closed her mouth around the hilt of the knife. It muffled her scream as she tried to pull it up, the shitty little handle slipping from her teeth many times. She was sure she had to have cracked a couple of her teeth by the time she got the thing out. Although she knew she had limited time she took a moment to catch her breath, sweat rolling down her forehead.

Okay, hard part done. With a sharp inhale she went back to work.

She angled the knife-oyster shucker- so that she could pull it up and wear at the rope. It took  what seemed like minutes to wear it down enough to where she could yank her non-injured hand out. That was when she heard footsteps quickly approaching the door.

“No. No, damn it...fuck!” Rhys knew she had to act quick. She closed her eyes in dread when she realized it had to look as if nothing had happened. She cut through the rope restricting her injured hand until it was hanging on by a thread. Then, uttering a soft ‘'fuck” she stabbed the knife back through her hand, only to rip it back out again.

“Fuck!”  panicking when she heard the door knob turn, she once again stabbed her palm, this time leaving it there.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck-”

“Still going, are you?”

“Suck my ass you pretentious little shi- Joey!” Her eyes widened when he wheeled Joey Hudson in, mascara running making her look like a fucking racoon.

“Thought you’d like a friend, Deputy.” John was clearly enjoying the shock on their faces as they tried to figure out how to react to each other.

“Oh God, Rook, what the fuck happened- how’d you get here?” Hudson gasped when she saw the knife through her hand. Rhys, emotionally drained for the day, gave a weak little laugh.

“You say here like this shitty little bunker is something fucking special. I ended up here trying to get to there. And do I know where there is? No, no fucking clue. Just trying to keep up with our boy over there.” John raises an eyebrow when she angles her head towards him.

“Damn, do you got a mouth on you.”

“Who are you to talk, dipshit. You probably jerk off to your voice on your shitty fucking commercials-” Hudson flinched when he grabbed another knife from the table.

“Deputy Reeze-” “Rhys. For fucks sake-”

“-Have you ever wondered how many layers of a person's skin can be removed until it is deemed ‘unhealthy’?”

“None should be removed you prick-”

“The top layer of the epidermis is actually just dead skin cells. You shed thousands of them in a day.”

“Thanks for that anatomy lesson. Now can you-”

“Let’s help Hudson by getting rid of those useless cells corrupted by sin. They probably go pretty deep so it is going to be a painful process. Unless you remember where you put my belongings, Deputy?”

There was a beat of silence before she looked at Joey.

“He’s talking about his coke-”

John- barely concealing his anger- slices down Hudson’s forearm. He works on slowly peeling layers away.

“Agh! Rhys shut up!” Hudson sobs.

“Oh my God, Oh God I’m so sorry. John! You fuck!” His only response was to continue cutting deeper.

“Remember yet, Deputy?”

“I… okay stop! Stop. I poured it in your pump thingy.”

“My what?”

“That thing on your car. Where your gas goes.”

“My fuel tank.” He states matter of factly.

“Yeah-whatever- Look, I know fuck all about cars. But um, yeah that’s where it is.” The pain from her throbbing hand was starting to seep into her voice.

“Did you tell anyone about it?”

“...I told Hudson.” John lets out a frustrated shout.

“I fucking know you told Hudson! Did you tell anyone else?”

“You took me like right after I snatched it, I barely had time to pour it into the fuel pump-” John pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Jesus Christ.”

“- so how would I have been able to tell anyone-”

“Yes or No, Deputy” His voice breaks, much to his mortification as she stops in the middle of her tangent to make a smart ass comment.

“I just said- still going through puberty by the way, damn- anyway, I just said how would I have been able to tell anyone-” His hands once again wrap around her throat, squeezing his words out through clenched teeth.

“Did you tell Joseph?”

“No!” She gasps as his hands slacken considerably. “But you won’t need to worry about that for long.”

His eyebrow twitches in confusion. Before he can answer her hand comes off of the armrest to grab the knife, yanking it from her palm with a yell before slicing his throat with it. It couldn’t have been very deep, but the peggies would certainly be more focused on keeping him alive than stopping her from leaving.

“Damn I should have thought of something more clever to say.”

“Rook!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Rhys hurries over to Hudson, who’s already struggling against her binds. Rhys grabs the tape to hold it steady before releasing it with a hiss, switching hands. “Could’ve said something like ‘want some sauce with those oysters?’ Damn, that was a good one.” Hudson gave her a look that let her know she thought she was damn crazy. “You weren’t here for that, right.”

“You… you couldn’t have done that earlier?” She panted.

“I really tried to look for an opening, and I feel really shitty about it so don’t-” Rhys rambled before stifling a sob. “I’m sorry, Joey.”

“Just-just get me out of here. Do not leave me here.”

“I won’t, I promise I won’t-” She’s suddenly pulled back, a beard tickling her cheek and warm blood seeping through her shirt fabric.

“Deputy.” In panic she blindly stabs at John behind her with the knife. She feels it hit home the same time he yells in her ear. He pulls it out, probably planning to plunge it into her neck before her arm grabs his. They struggle for what seems like minutes before John gets the upper hand. As the knife gets closer and closer to her throat Joey kicks a foot out, hitting Rhys in the abdomen but managing to knock them both back. She lands on top of John, pushing the air out of him with a oof!

She searches with frantic eyes for the knife, that was thrown across the room, just on the outside of the vault door. With an energy she didn’t know she had, she crawled to it, picking it up just as she heard the sound of the vault door closing behind her.

“No, no, no!” It shuts just as she reaches it, and she bangs on it even though it won’t do a damn thing. She isn’t able to hear, but she sees Joey screaming, the same words over and over at her. John’s lips twitch up in a smile as he pants, sauntering over to his walkie. He’s bleeding from a wound in his thigh, where she must have stabbed him earlier.

“Well, Deputy, you’re in a tight spot.” Now she can hear the dreaded words Joey was saying.

“Don’t leave me! Rook, don’t leave me, you can’t leave me! Please!”

“What’s it gonna be, Rook? Stay, and die fighting while trying to save the princess? Or fleeing like the coward you are back to your little resistance?”

“Rhys! You promised!” Her heart breaks at the desperation and absolute fear behind those words.

“I’m sorry, Joey, I’ll-I’ll come back for you!” She can hear the distant sounds of footsteps approaching her. She doesn’t have the time to think about her decision.

So she ran.

[moiraineswife]

um can you please babble on any thoughts regarding the inner circle + gifts both recieving and giving?? it's something my mind keeps bouncing back and forth cause i remembered rhys gives amren sparkly jewellry from time to time - just think abt who Suffers ('please just fuckin tell me I Need Help' vs who's flawless or who has too many things they could buy) or if any of them get emotional (my poor deprived bbys when it's their first gift ever) PLS give me your thoughts if u wil

okay okay let me see, let me see. Some of this is from past fics I’ve written that I’m shamelessly stealing (can you steal from yourself??) and some of it is just on the spot babble but okay. 

Feyre: Does not like giving gifts.  Does not like giving gifts because no matter what she does or how hard she thinks about it and spends hunting....Somehow it’s never quite right. And she tries, she tries so damn hard but, well, the Circle gets good at pretending they like whatever she’s bought. (She is not fooled. But she is touched that they try. And forever pissed that she can’t just give them money because ffs Rhys did you have to pay them so much all these years!?) 

Does not like receiving gifts either. It’s just....It always generates this Fuss and she does not like Fuss. She insists every year that they don’t have to do anything or get her anything she’s fine, really, she doesn’t want them all going out of their way to get things for her. Unfortunately for her she’s mated to Rhys and there is no way on this planet isn’t taking the opportunity to celebrate every single tiny thing he can about his mate. (”For the last time, Rhys, we are not making celebrating the first time you made me come with just my wings as an annual anniversary.” (Half-horrified, half-delighted Cassian in the background, “That’s what this is about!?”)) 

So she keeps getting plied with really good gifts which makes her hate giving them even more because she just feels guilty she can never find anything that good. She forcibly puts her foot down one year and puts a blanket ban on all gift giving. Rhys ignores it but everyone else obeys (just about....she’s sure that’s a new dress in her wardrobe..and she didn’t have that bow last week....and her paints have definitely been topped up....she hates them all.) 

Rhys: Loves giving gifts. Delights in it. Will use genuinely any excuse to buy gifts for everyone. Also loves shopping for gifts. (Feyre loves Velaris she really and truly does but there’s only so much she can tolerate wandering aimlessly around ‘RHYS. JUST KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING OUT FOR. GO INTO THE STORE THAT SELLS IT. BUY IT. COME HOME. IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.’) Mor typically ends up going with him and Feyre is just, yes, take him, ridiculous male. Anyway, Rhys is one of those annoying pricks who just knows instinctively what people want and then he goes and gets them. 

A bit like Feyre on the gift receiving thing (his Circle have been ignoring him on this for years) He protests. They ignore him. Gifts are exchanged and it’s lovely. They don’t really do the whole party thing but they do make sure they all get him something and take him out for a nice meal or what have you so they can give it to him. 

Mor: would happily spend the rest of her existence buying gifts for other people and giving them to them just because. She and Rhys kind of have a friendly competition going to like out-shop each other. So every year they’re always trying to out-do one another on birthday/solstice gifts and see who can make the other happier with their gift. (They’re utter nerds, seriously) Mor gets the things people don’t know they need until they’re opening it and then oh yes, we need this. Rhys’ gifts can sometimes be more practical but Mor’s are always just ‘yes you definitely need a dress made of nothing but diamonds and starlight, have at it’ and they typically go down well. 

Shamelessly loves getting gifts. But it’s not so much for the stuff she just...Likes having everyone gathered together and opening things and seeing what it is and she’s like a child at Christmas every single year for her birthday. Really does subscribe to the whole ‘it’s the thought that counts’ type thing. She has a lot of stuff but her family going out of their way to find things she doesn’t have and might like touches her. Especially when they give her food. Which they inevitably do. 

Cassian: A bit more like Feyre but he has the benefit of centuries worth of experience. Hates shopping for things. Literally despises it. Very predictable in his gift giving, they can all tell what he’s going to have bought for them (it’s a game - guess the gift before they even open it and they have like a 95% success rate with Cass.) He doesn’t mind, his gifts are practical and pragmatic, he wants to give them something they’ll actually use and enjoy. Big fan of making things - weapons, food (Mor gets cake every year. Mor enthusiastically rips into the box every year and before she’s even tasted it announces they’re all having cake for breakfast. Mor loves these cakes more than some people) the occasional roughly carved decoration. 

Likes getting gifts. Opens them all in approximately 0.2 seconds but then spends a long time afterwards examining them and testing them and properly thanking everyone. Has definitely cried over well chosen gifts in the past. People are torn between wanting to get him something great because it makes him so happy and...Not because they’d rather keep their ribs intact and his happy bear hugs are infamous. 

Azriel: It is widely assumed that Azriel uses his network of spies and his shadows to deduce what his friends deepest, darkest gift desires are. He doesn’t. He’s just that good. Bit like a fusion of Mor and Rhys in that his gifts are always absolutely perfect but not at all what the person thought they wanted/needed. Quite subtle, understated little things but it’s always the gift that people pause over, that they linger when examining while he sits there just a little bit smug, basking in their shocked delight. 

Hates receiving gifts. Hates it. Always manages to somehow wiggle out of attending parties for him. Really doesn’t like people making a fuss over him at all. Like Feyre but jacked up to a million. Most of them just leave his presents somewhere he’ll find them later (because they might finally concede in not giving him a party/making a fuss over him but they are not just going to ignore his birthday and not get him anyway) Mor however takes it as her personal challenge in life to be able to properly give Azriel his present. Has definitely sat on him in the past and she always insists on taking him out somewhere for a meal so he can have a night to himself (usually does this within a months window of his birthday so he doesn’t realise she’s doing it (he does but he lets her pretend)) Feyre surprises him in being almost as persistent as Mor and the two of them team up to get him a small meal out with everyone on bigger birthdays. 

Amren: Too old for this shit. Very rarely bothers giving people gifts for special occasions. She’ll come to parties and things but doesn’t have time for all that nonsense. She will give people gifts if she sees something that she knows she needs to get that they’ll like but there’s never an occasion for it. The Circle all treasures the few gifts they’ve been given by Amren over the centuries. Mor still wears the diadem Amren gave her before her first visit to the Court of Nightmares as its queen whenever she goes. It gives her strength. Cassian has never dared use the jewelled hunting knife in battle for fear of losing it but it’s always strapped somewhere on his person at all times. Az wears the ear cuff she gave him whenever he wants to destroy Mor. Feyre keeps the amulet she gave her before going to The Prison for the rest of her days. She still wears it whenever she needs a bit of extra courage. 

The only person people actually don’t bother buying gifts for when she tells them to. They kind of subscribe to her idea on gift giving - if they see something she has to have immediately they buy it for her and just give it regardless of occasion but otherwise they don’t bother. 

Here u go friend, these are my thoughts. I hope they were okay???