#( ❛ ┈ ★ existence ) they say a heart is a heavy burden.

[lightnull]

here is the truth : it hurts to be near her / why wouldn’t it, when she is a creature of pure darkness to a girl who was meant to be PURE LIGHT? the princess is dazzling and all—encompassing and.

here is the truth : it hurts to be apart from her / they were meant to be one in the same, parts of a whole, or that is what she thought at least. was she wrong? others seem to think so, others seem to feel so and there are two bodies ( one true and the other fake ) and one heart and one ——— something. she remembers kairi’s heart faintly, vaguely, flashes of recollection. it was warm / it felt like drowning / it felt like she was lost to sea. as she was meant to be.

so she watches her train from a distance. a near distance, a far distance, aren’t all distances the same, in the end? they are still apart, and naminé watches her with arms looped around her knees, tucked away into shadow. ❝ you’re pushing yourself too hard, ❞ quiet, so—called gentle, carrying all the same. a passive gaze and unstressed brows and something so simple as : you’re working too hard. hours and hours and / hours. days, perhaps. is all time the same? she wonders how tired kairi’s arms are / once she would have known.

@thalxssas​ !!

[lightnull]

       like looking into ——— not a mirror. like looking into the sea / the ocean / the raging waves : beneath the surface. peering up and up and up into ——— the beauteous eternity. her. her. in all her splendor / alike and not and she looks at her sidelong / looking at her hurts. it hurts. like looking into the sun. like looking into the sea. like looking at something wrong.

       she’s what’s wrong.

       ❝   ——— you,   ❞   she speaks not without thinking. with thinking but ill—advised, perhaps. ill—thought out. fading / faded / gone, or should be. the inverse of everything ( she’s everything everything everything ) and thus nothing / empty. devoid.   ❝   you’re missing... parts of the picture. i can find them... if you want,   ❞   vague / transparent. not quite whole.

@sunhalf​, for kairi

[lightnull]

        there are worlds that rest between them. she could wander darkness for eons / and never quite find her way to him / and he could never find her, either. seeing him feels fractured, improbable, glass splitting in her hands and pressing in, laceration impending. would she bleed blood? can she bleed blood? she looks to the night sky and tastes the stars on the back of her tongue / looks to riku and feels darkness settle on her shoulders.

        ❝ you didn’t destroy me, ❞ is it an unkindness to peel these parts of his skin back? is it cruel to speak of things that happened so long ago / not so long ago at all / time is a concept that means little to someone to whom existence is ( ... ) tenuous. will it alleviate the weight on his heart to speak these words? she imagines / abstractly / a window opening beneath a gust of wind and a smudge of a creature, disrupted, and a mask slipping. ❝ on that hill, ❞ as if he needs clarification. maybe he does.

@aicidos​, for riku !!

[lightnull]

❝ ——— oh, ❞ pale hands / pale dress / pale and pale and paler. half—faded transparent against sunlight. today her eyes ache. looking at him aches. looking at him hurts ( it always has. ) she looks at him : is that bravery? or cowardice? she wonders if she’s self—conscious. or should she be. lace against her fingertips soft / soft / worn. fraying, or frayed? ❝ i guess i never really... thought about it. it never... mattered. ❞ why does a ghost need clothes, anyways?

@heartslight​

[lightnull]

she thinks the concept of forgiveness is an ugly thing, or maybe it’s that she thinks these tiny particles of herself who crave it still despite knowing what she is are ugly things. she wants / doesn’t want xion’s forgiveness, she wants / doesn’t want anything at all, she wants / doesn’t want everything that this universe can give her, stars falling into her eyes, she wants / doesn’t want to be around xion, to look at her and see her and witness her : know her. to be known by her. ( being known is quite the terrifying experience, after all / who was she to ever want to be known / to ever crave to be seen? )

❝   xion,   ❞   her name rests like a bell’s ring on her tongue and it feels jagged against her mouth. she wants to shed layers of herself and peel layers of her away and what will remain? she wants to be with her / be apart from her. she wants to ———   ❝   can... i draw you?   ❞   this page is already marred and these pencils half—gone and she wants to remember. she wants to forget. she wants ( ... ) what does she want?

here : to be with xion.

@sunhalf​, for xion !!

[lightnull]

❝   ——— oh,   ❞   not quite caught yet her fingers freeze / instinct. paused mid—motion and then she half—remembers herself and half—abandons herself and her fingers curl and she smooths at the fabric of her dress : an almost compulsive motion.   ❝   should i... not?   ❞   i’m sorry lingers on her tongue and it tastes like roses and iron and she swallows the pair.

@uniquemagics​​, for riddle !!

[lightnull]

there is something / fragile yet : unyielding. but breaking. inside of herself? inside of ——— what and who and where and she looks at her, this flaxen girl, the dip of her shoulders and the fall of her hair. like a painting, comes a disjointed thought, like something out of ( ... ) naminé does not want to draw her, not precisely, she wants to / watch her. witness her. mouth parts and she ( ... ) speaks? ❝ are you... okay? ❞

@fluminas​​ !!

[lightnull]

       A GHOST DISAPPEARS INTO AMONG CROWD ——— no, not quite. this place is loud and raucous and crowded and she’s caught in a riptide / a crush / taken along and rendered breathless : overwhelming. overwhelming. an ocean raging in a birdcage body and when she slips free it’s as if gravity flees and she stumbles / trips / is steadied. ❝ oh... i’m sorry, ❞ her hair feels tousled and she feels winded and the sky isn’t / the sky. a place she can’t quite disappear.

@seintels​, for barret !!