#( ship dynamic: india rossi and felix catton. )

[awalkoflife]

sometimes i'm totally fine and then i'll think about india's reaction to felix's death.

this is purely based on my own headcanons and my interpretation of india as a character so feel free to disengage entirely, i just needed to write it down. i think that india and felix were close friends before they ever became lovers. there isn't a lot of evidence to back this up but there is a level of comfort and familiarity and consistency with the two of them that would suggest they have a bond that extends beyond just mere sexual intimacy and attraction. she respects him for who he is, for his quirks and charms and yes, even his flaws. she understands him, can relate to him, is aware of the pressure and the pedestal that he's been placed upon.

india was the girl born into privilege, who was given everything from a young age not only because she was wealthy but because she was beautiful. i think she shared this burden with felix --- both of them yearned for a deeper connection, to find a sense of clarity and purpose. she is spoiled and entitled and a princess in every sense of the word but she isn't cruel. her heart is easily bruised and although defiant in nature, she craves the idealisation of belonging. she never wanted to solely belong to a world of materialistic aristocracy, she wanted to belong to him. to experience genuine love with someone who knew what it was already like to have everything else in the world handed to you on a silver platter. she wanted the kind of love with felix that wasn't easily obtained. true love. the kind of love money or privilege or status couldn't buy. something that would forever be just theirs.

the night of felix's death, i don't think it was their first rendezvous in the maze. yes, they were a little drunk and intoxicated but they were also giddy and laughing and holding hands. they knew what they were about to get up to and they were revelling in it together. that sense of familiarity is echoed in this scene; with each other, with the location, with the utter excitement both are experiencing as a result. there's also something to be noted about the way that they escaped together. they wanted to be alone, to detach themselves from the suffocating confines of oliver's party inside of the saltburn estate. it wasn't just about sex for them. it was about being alone, just the two of them, in their own private domain where they could give each other pleasure and intimacy and a taste of the connection they were craving. to me, this decision on their part made a statement: it wasn't just a quickie, it hinted a lot more about the precious, sacred nature of their relationship.

although not included in the canon event of the movie, there's an alternate reality where my portrayal of india would have gone up to felix's bed and slept there the night of the party. she would have waited on him even though they were interrupted, fallen asleep and would have woken the following morning to her worst nightmare come true. grief, up until that day, was a foreign concept to india --- a girl who had never lost anything of importance. while she worshipped felix the same way that everyone else did, it wasn't as straight forward as simple infatuation. in truth, it didn't start out that way for her. india first fell in love with felix while they were friends, before they ever became lovers. she loved him for the man that he was. the vivacious, fun, gorgeous, silly, wondrous creation. he was a dear friend first and foremost, someone who she wanted to protect, to cherish and to hopefully be with in the end. the loss of felix in her life represented more than just the loss of love. it stole away a part of herself that she'll never be able to retain, a part of herself that he awakened within her. she'll never forgive herself for leaving him in the maze and for not going back to check on him. life, inevitably, is never the same without felix river catton.